How Ryan Lochte Is The Worst Type Of “White Boy Bro,” Explained » VSB

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How Ryan Lochte Is The Worst Type Of “White Boy Bro,” Explained

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Who is Ryan Lochte?

Ryan Lochte is a reanimated collection of discarded beer pong red cups repurposed and stuffed into a Von Dutch trucker hat. He can also swim really, really fast.

Where is he from?

Rochester, NY. Which is a poor man’s Buffalo. Which is a poor man’s Cleveland. Which is a poor man’s Pittsburgh. Which is a poor man’s Pittsburgh from 1936.

Why is he in the news today?

While competing in the Olympics in Rio, Lochte and three of his teammates — Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger, and Jimmy Feigen — were held…

Wait. Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger, and Jimmy Feigen are their real actual names and not just the names they gave to the police? Asking because I refuse to believe a person named “Gunnar Bentz” exists. Its not quite a porn star name. But its the name of a shady accountant a porn star would play in a movie. And the name of the movie would be CPA: Certified Public Anal.

Yes. These are their real names. Can I finish my answer now?

Sure.

Anyway, last week Lochte and his three buddies claimed they were robbed at gunpoint while hanging out in Rio. Their story, however, never quite seemed to add up. And after like 22 minutes of investigating — seriously, the investigation was basically just everyone saying “Nah, this shit aint happen bruh” — it was discovered that they were indeed lying.

What happened?

After a night of clubbing and drinking, Lochte and his crew of swimbros stopped at a gas station to go to the bathroom, and subsequently proceeded to destroy it.

Why?

Because that’s what bros do when they get drunk. Crush and destroy shit. Beer cans, dormitory common areas, spleens, condoms, Venetian blinds, gallons of Muscle Milk, and gas station bathroom handles in Rio. For anyone who’s ever spent an extended amount of time around chocolate wasted bros — basically, anyone who went to a college that wasn’t an HBCU — you know this is standard weekend bro behavior. I haven’t heard any audio from the footage. But I’m certain many “duddddddddddddddddes” and “brooooooooooooooooooooos” were uttered during the crime.

Seriously, read this:

Riera, the attorney who represented Bentz and Conger, said the four swimmers arrived at the gas station seeking to use a restroom, but upon finding there wasn’t one available, two of the men urinated at the back of the station and Lochte punched an advertisement in a metal frame, which fell noisily to the ground and attracted the attention of staff.

This nigga punched an advertisement. This paragraph is Peak Bro.

What happened next?

Well, the swimbros stuck to their story and attempted to come back to America. But the Brazilian police weren’t having it, and snatched them off the plane for more questioning. I would have given the tip of my left pinkie to witness that.

Lochte was snatched of his plane too?

No. Apparently there’s some underground railroad for superstar swimbros, and he managed to make it back home unsnatched. He still may face charges and fines though.

So, was any of this — the story and what actually happened — surprising to you?

Not at all. Ryan Lochte’s bro bonafides have been established for years. We’ve all known he was dumber than a luggage wheel and prone to bouts of brotastic behavior, but he was considered to be harmless because he’s famous and talented and attractive and rocks grills and even dated Fuckboy Magnet K. Michelle. Oh, and he’s White.

Basically, he’s every character Channing Tatum has ever played. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Tatum’s version of method acting to prepare for roles is “go to Express and Arby’s with Ryan Lochte.

But the harmlessness turned lecherous when he and his partners blamed some phantom Brazilian criminals for what they did. Which is what often happens with the worst types of bros. When things are great, he (let’s call him “Brad”) is buying you beers and shots, inviting you to house parties and cookouts and flag football teams, and calling you his “homie” or his “brother.” But as soon as some heat brushes his neck, you and everyone else within Brad’s vicinity is in play to end up under a bus. (Especially if you’re not one of his White Boy Bros.) Because if there’s one thing bros don’t do, it’s consequences.

Ryan Lochte is Darth Brad.

Making things worse is that while they may act dense, they’re shrewd enough to know exactly how they’re perceived. They know their reckless behavior will be dismissed as boys being boys — even if they’re in their fucking 30s — and they know they can lie and charm and privilege their way into receiving the benefit of the doubt. They made up that story because there’s no reason for them not to believe that anyone would doubt their word; ultimately betting that Rio’s already shaky reputation would allow their story to go unchallenged.

99% of the time, they would have been right. But the entire world is watching, and not everyone is as enamored with and blinded by Broticity as Americans are.

So, what happens next?

If history is any indication, literally nothing bad will happen to Ryan Lochte. And since he’s done with the Olympics, he’s free to go and make Darth babies with Taylor Swift.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Asking_Questions

    you guys should follow me on social media

  • Asking_Questions

    I posted this yesterday on the book and I stand by my theory

    • Mochasister

      Your spin is more believable than his. Too bad you can’t do PR for him.

    • Blueberry01

      So, does Privilege + B i t c ha s sness = White People?

  • cakes_and_pies

    If I were Ryan’s Mother, I’d bust him the head to the White meat for volunteering a lie knowing full well she’d run tell that to the media.
    Got her bird-brained ar se looking like BooBoo the fool.

    • kingpinenut

      up vote for da white meat

    • JennyJazzhands

      And if it’s anything mamas are not (black ones anyway), it’s booboo the fool!

    • Mochasister

      Nah, she should have known her baby boy was up to some nonsense. Mothers know about their children. She been knowing how her son is. She just chose to ignore it.

  • mr. steal your costco samples

    Man if this is Boogie, US is revoking his passport, leaving him in Rio, and forcing him to defend himself via trial by combat.

    And Stephen A. Smith / Whitlock rant on it for the next three years.

    • Digital_Underground

      If Boogie, Draymond, and new “bad guy” Kevin Durant got caught up like this Whitlock would explode! He’d go an epic rant about how it all stems from Black people not having fathers at home.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        this could happen except Draymond and Durant are SAWFT. Most gully thing Dray would do is inadvertently send the Secretary of Tourism a shot of the underside of his bllz

        • Junegirl627

          Why you kill me? ?????????

        • tgtaggie

          What tripped me out was Stephen A Smith was clowning KD bc he doesn’t act more like Lebron, Jordan, Bird, Magic and etc. I’m like maybe KD’s personality isn’t like them and realized that.

          • Digital_Underground

            Ever since Skip bounced Stephen A has been going full throttle throwing criticism at any and everyone. I think he’s trying to show out to keep those First Take ratings up. But his act is already getting old.

            • tgtaggie

              ESPN pays this n**ga $3million a year to pontificate. I can’t believe it. Max already look tired of his ish. He probably wants to go back to LA.

              This morning tripped me out about KD though. Dude isn’t exactly the type A personality like Lebron, Curry, Westbrook, etc. what do Stephen expect for him to do?

              • Digital_Underground

                I used to listen to Max on his show with Marcellus Wiley. I really liked their show. They had great chemistry. But from the beginning I didn’t think he was a good fit for First Take. Max is a bit long winded and likes to develop his points. Stephen A is more about sound bites and shock value. And for that show Stephen A’s approach works better. Max is better suited for radio.

                As far as KD goes, I could write multiple paragraphs on how I’m tired of sports media types trying to make everyone into Micheal Jordan.

              • mr. steal your costco samples

                Curry isn’t really a type A neither, he’s a bumslayer

      • Kas

        Don’t forget men being feminized by being raised by women.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          oh,,that is the WORST.

        • Digital_Underground

          Yeah, in his mind EVERYTHING circles back to lack of fathers, “feminization” of men, and millennials. Him and Cowherd love to go on about how younger guys lack character, fortitude, etc. I’m Gen X and even I hate hearing that stuff.

          Someone needs to create a time machine for Whitlock, Cowherd, and Charles Barkley. All three can back to the good old days for good.

          • mr. steal your costco samples

            I don’t even know what “feminization” of men MEANS. Also, the job of talk radio hosts is rawther sawft in any event! they read aloud to grown men and talk about their feelings.

            • Digital_Underground

              THEY don’t even know what it means.

              • Kas

                Emotions and shitz

                • mr. steal your costco samples

                  but they are literally the most emotional dudes in public life, to get worked up as hayle over sportsball esoterica

                  • Kas

                    Oh I know, but they only get worked up over manly b.s. Somehow that’s acceptable. Bunch of guys running around in tight or little clothing is what gets them worked up. I don’t judge, I just observe.

  • miss t-lee

    “Because if there’s one thing bros don’t do, it’s consequences.”

    Whew. You said a mighty word.
    Sh*t like this whole situation is why when I’m at work event or something where it’s a high concentration of these types, I have one drink and I’m out.
    I don’t even wanna be privy to what happens after homie has had a half bottle of Jaeger.
    No thank you.

    • Jennifer

      “Sh*t like this whole situation is why when I’m at work event or something where it’s a high concentration of these types, I have one drink and I’m out.”

      Say it. They always ask why I don’t stay longer and have more drinks. Sir, I am not getting framed for whatever hooker murder y’all are planning tonight. I can’t handle jail.

      • miss t-lee

        Mayne listen.
        You already know f*ckery is afoot, and I wants zero parts of that…lol

      • LMNOP

        Also I really don’t understand the point of work events where alcohol is involved. I work really hard to be pleasant to people regardless of what I think of them. Alcohol works really hard to let everyone know exactly what I really think of them. I can’t even imagine drinking at something work related. I do appreciate cookies though.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          every young black lawyer / intern I seen feels pressure to go to those to “fit in”.

          I’m 100% Admiral Ackbar on them. Have a glass of water or short glass of iced tea, talk local sports and bounce in 40 minutes. these dudes nacho friends.

          • Kas

            I have found that in finance, not partaking of those social activities will short circuit your career. If you aren’t one of the “boys” no choice assignments will be coming your way. The key is to socialize enough to be considered one of the guys without following them overboard.

            • Question

              Sprite/Club Soda, lime juice and a skinny straw works every time (when its time to stop drinkin). I had an old-guard Mitt Romney type white senior partner put me up on game.

              “Make friends with the bartender early in the night and let him know that when you ask for a Gin/Vodka tonic, that’s what you want”.

              • Kas

                The night before I had my second round interview for an IB job, I had to go out for dinner with a bunch of people that were working at the firm. Turned into a drinking contest. I used that story in my rounds of interviews the next day. I honestly think it played a huge role in me getting an offer. Moral of the story, white people like to drink and they don’t trust those who don’t drink with them.

                • Jennifer

                  “Moral of the story, white people like to drink and they don’t trust those who don’t drink with them.”

                  This is real. and they can be so extra about it.

                  I tend not to drink when I’m at one of our post- or pre-show events. I want to be on my toes with the audience/donors to answer questions and put out fires as needed. My boss has commented on this before.

                  There was one evening where I was invited to a work-related event after my show was over. It wasn’t my event. There were donors and performers there, but they weren’t my problem. So, I had a glass of wine. Boss spent the rest of the evening commenting on how “she never drinks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her have a glass of wine.” That was a lie, first of all. But, more importantly, it wasn’t a big deal.

                  Whether in professional and personal situations, I’ve never understood why someone else’s decision to drink so such a big deal to some people.

                  • Kas

                    My opinion for what it’s worth. When people are drinking they will be far less buttoned up than usual.. having someone completely sober around, feels like having a Fed in the midst. Uncomfortable

                    • Annalise Keating

                      IDK. Many Black folks can turn up real high with very little to no alcohol. It’s primarily white folks who are so stiff that they need alcohol to loosen up even a little bit. They are so repressed. And it’s all their own doing.

                    • Question

                      That’s just it – I love when we turn up. None of this standing around doing shots, putting ties around our foreheads or screaming the lyrics to Pour Some Sugar On It while holding friends/colleagues in a headlock. White folks ain’t doin it right.

                      Negro Turn Ups >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Bro Drinking Sessions

                      Even they agree. In bschool, the Bros were always trying to text the Black folks tryna figure out where we had all slide off to.

                    • Mochasister

                      Again with the trying to follow/be with the Black folks. I find them to be an odd people.

                    • Mochasister

                      Exactly! I know how to have fun without drinking or using drugs. I get high off life.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Ohhh..so white people DO understand the anxiety that we feel when we interact with the police after all.

                • Cheech

                  True. White = junior league Japanese or Russian in this regard.

                • mr. steal your costco samples

                  for me, it depends on the workplace. like, if I like my job and have a decent crew I’ll drink a little, but usually I’ll try to get someone in the crew who has a religious or medical issue that precludes drinking and be like I’M WITH JOE.

                  IB is straight-up an insane field. Like, I’d hate to be their HR person

                  • Kas

                    I had one group I was in where I didn’t socialize. I tried once, but they were just so effing boring.

                    • Liz Myrick

                      I socialized once with my coworkers. They were gossiping about someone who wasn’t there, and I KNEW that I wasn’t there they were talking about me, so it would have been wise for me to stick around. But I didn’t want to hang out with them just to talk trash. Office gossip quickly becomes poisonous and unfair.

                • Asiyah

                  “Moral of the story, white people like to drink and they don’t trust those who don’t drink with them”

                  aka why I don’t have white friends :/

                  • Mochasister

                    Among other reasons.

                • sousaphone93

                  “Moral of the story, white people like to drink and they don’t trust those who don’t drink with them.”

                  Ironic because white people are exactly the people you can’t trust when they’ve been drinking.

                  • Kas

                    I wouldn’t go with such a complete blanket statement.

                • Mochasister

                  Sounds like you work with a bunch of damn alcoholics who look for excuses to get their drink on. I’m sure it never occurred to them that not everyone drinks because hey they’re the center of the universe.

                  • Kas

                    Interesting point you raise. There have been at least one of article on the style of drinking done by bankers and lawyers. In many ways it meets the definition of alcoholism.

                    Side note, while I still work in finance, I’m no longer in an area of focus that has such a heavy emphasis on drinking/socializing after work.

                    • Mochasister

                      Glad to hear you don’t have to deal with that nonsense.

              • Cheech

                Yup. Gin and tonic is a good bro drink. And it looks and smells like: tonic. Add lime and you’re good to go.

                • Question

                  Our bros were all about Jack and Coke. The young ones were still trying to drink Red Bull and Vodka, but usually that goes away after 3 months of being employed…

              • Mochasister

                Is that like a fake mojito?

                • Question

                  No. It’s a glass of soda. But it looks like a cocktail and gets the Wypipo off your back when they’re tryna get lit and feel uncomfortable with a soberish Negro in tow.

                  • Mochasister

                    Daggone shame you have to fake drinking. Nowadays anything and everything is acceptable under the sun except for sobriety. Why should someone else’s sobriety make you uncomfortable? Everybody doesn’t like being two (or three) sheets to the wind.

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              That makes sense. Law to some extent too but if you are fire technically it will be excused as the eccentric weirdo behavior of a genius.

              Finance cats are on some OTHER ISHT.

              • Kas

                If you are hot fyah, you can make it through even in finance, but the rest of us have to play the game.

              • Kas

                If you are at a law firm, at some point you rise high enough where it’s just a very lucrative sales job. Go “wine” and dine some clients, earn your keep so to speak.

            • Blueberry01

              It’s a shame that there are rules…for following the rules.

              I guess I’ll just continue to break the “rules of professional social engagement”…

              • Kas

                My opinion has always been make sure you understand the game, but choosing not to partake is completely acceptable.

          • Question

            Add i-banker and consultant to that list. And there’s much alcohol afloat. My old consulting firm used to throw HUGE elaborate christmas parties.

            Literally there is a list of hotels that we can’t call to host our Xmas parties because inevitably the bros got drunk and started destroying isht that cost my office $25-50K to fix. We’re talking Fairmonts, Parker, Park Hyatt, Conrad level hotels.

            …yes, the Bros kept their jobs. Always do.

            • ALM247

              Kept their jobs after 25k to 50k in damage….there is no way….they were either related to management or possibly sleeping with the management….no employee is worth keeping after that amount of damage.

              • Question

                None of the above. Management = bros.

                These are the same industries in which people try and expense parking and speeding tickets, trips to the strip club as “client activities”, going to Hertz and renting Porsche’s and Maserati’s, staying at a Park Hyatt while the rest of the team is at the Hyatt Place and when asked about if they know expense policy they say things like “I didn’t know I couldn’t do that”.

                Reference – Dave Chappelle’s “White Friend” skit.

                • ALM247

                  Those unauthorized expense reimbursements are also grounds for firing….They may have been sleeping with folks, and they didn’t let you know.

                  • Kas

                    If you are a revenue generator, it will be overlooked, but used later if you can’t pull your weight. See also sexual harassment.

                    • ALM247

                      I am familiar of what happens when employees engage in quid pro quo situations…I didn’t say that it was within company policy…..my point is that people in management turn their heads for a reason….nepotism, sexism and racism play a part, but some people also use sexual favors to rise in a company.

                  • Question

                    Grounds for firing =/= automatic grounds for firing, especially in private partnerships.

              • HoneyRose

                These sound like industries where these cats are coming out of business school making $150K. $25-50K is chump change to a company holding the ANNUAL Xmas party at a Park Hyatt.

            • Kas

              That is the way of those fields.

            • L8Comer

              Yep it looks bad if u opt out. I was told u gotta have at least 2 drinks.

              • L8Comer

                Or maybe it was 1..?. Unless you have in issue, then still have something that looks like alcohol. Like soda water with lime or somethings

                • Kas

                  I had to explain to my wife, who has lived in the States since she was five, that socializing (not necessarily drinking) with co-workers was a requirement. She was on that Jamaican attitude of I come in and do good work and I leave promptly. That doesn’t work in the U.S.

                  • Cheech

                    I have always had the latter attitude and it has been a limitation.

                    • Kas

                      Big limitation. Call me racist, but I expect you to know better than this.

                    • Cheech

                      IKR? And it’s not the alcohol thing, I went to a drinking school and can handle my liquor. I’m just not a party with the coworkers type.

                      I realize my comments here are off point given that I have the privilege of inclusion and no POC hurdle. I just left the “(and I’m white!)” silent.

                      I’m mainly cosigning your wisdom.

                    • Kas

                      Your comments are usually on point with no need for qualifiers. But if you tell me that you don’t enjoy vacationing at the lake and water skiing, the odds that I’m going to continue believing you are white are extremely low.

                    • Cheech

                      I do enjoy a good lake vacation. But I have never water skied in my life. Skis are for snow. (And “snow skiing” is an abominable redundancy.)

                    • Kas

                      sticks strapped to your feet out in the cold, get you a pass . . . for now. Trust I will be parsing your future comments for any slip ups.

                    • Cheech

                      Ha! BTW I think people need to back off of Bernie on his lake house. He’s earned a little place in the islands if he wants it. (And I mean islands near Canada, in a lake that freezes solid enough you can drive on it.)

                    • Yay Radley

                      I mean, who hates lake vacations? They are the very bees knees…and I’m Black as hayle!

                    • Cheech

                      Hey Yay. Your handle just made me grin.

                    • Yay Radley

                      Glad to be of service.

                    • L8Comer

                      Yeah I def enjoy drinking. I just don’t want drink with people I work with. Employers want you to feel like you’re a family / friends b/c it breeds loyalty I guess? I learned early on though, co-workers =/= friends. So, I am very friendly, w/o being friends.

                    • lkeke35

                      Oh, good, I thought that was just a thing I did. I’m very happy and friendly at work, but none of those people are friends, and never gonna be. It’s basically, if you’ve never seen my house, or met my fam, or been invited to a cookout, you ain’t friends.

                      Drinking, with White co-workers you don’t like, is a waste of good liquor.

                    • kingpinenut

                      I’m ok with the limit. Keep ya finances in check and life is good.

                      #Handleyabizness

                    • Question

                      But that’s just – the limit will affect your finances.

                      White Americans only become their true selves when they’re drinking, so if you don’t drink with them, they don’t think they really know you, therefore they can’t trust you.

                      You gotta drink with them – or at least give the perception that you’re drinking with them.

                    • kingpinenut

                      I’d rather be alone than make it *with* them….

                      I need my sanity.

                    • Mochasister

                      Chile, you ain’t the only one. I honestly don’t have that need to be with them like a lot of other non whites do.

                    • lkeke35

                      I’ve spent a lot of time with White people when they’re sober, and they will still drive you to utterly lose your isht, and have a breakdown. Speaking from personal experience here.

                    • Mochasister

                      Naw, sis. Don’t let no man, woman, or child drive you insane. Nobody is worth it.

                    • Kas

                      Preach

                    • Mochasister

                      And they will never know me if I can help it. It seems like bad things happen to others when whites start finding out things about you. My name is Mochasister and I’m a standoffish Negro.

                    • Nik White

                      My people laughed when I shared a personality profile from a training/bonding session. had the 2 faces of Eve – one for my friends and family and another for work forks. My people l

                    • Mochasister

                      I think that’s true for a lot of us. I’ve grown up being warned about letting white folks know too much about you other than the basics.

                    • lkeke35

                      Exactly! The people I work with know the minimum. I Went to school, I came to work, I got some family members, we do some stuff on the weekends. No invitations for them either.

                    • I don’t tell white folks shyt about my life… I ain’t your “girlfriend”..don’t ask about my hair…NOTHING.

                    • Me

                      Oh gosh, I want to marry this comment til death do I part! My name is Me and I’m a standoffish Negro too!

                    • Mochasister

                      Welcome, welcome.

                    • lkeke35

                      I like this club. I share almost nothing about my private life with my White do-workers.

                    • Mochasister

                      I don’t like for folks to be all up in my business. Inscrutable Negro is the way to play it. I might have one or two friends I talk to on the job but that’s it.

                    • Mary Burrell

                      Waves at Ikeke?

                    • Mary

                      Word!

                    • Shanghiatus

                      Standoffish, gainfully employed with your sanity in tact!

                    • Sis!!! You know!!

                    • Question

                      This. Folks in my officer were all mad when I didn’t tell them I got engaged. “I thought we were friends”. No, we are co-workers. Friends we are not.

                      And details on my then fiance were skim:

                      “What’s he do?” Work.
                      “Where’d he go to school?” On the East Coast.
                      “Do I know him?” Nope.
                      “How are ya’ll gonna tie the knot?” Say I do.

                    • Yaaaaaaaaas@!!!

                    • Mochasister

                      Lol! You sound like my mother; she’s even more standoffish than me. I HATE when people on the job start talking that crap about how we’re a “family.” No the h*** we are not. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my coworkers but that’s about it. I don’t need to know about your personal life and you don’t need to know about mine. There have been a few coworkers I’ve grown close to and I have gone out to clubs with them. But that was only after I knew they didn’t have big mouths and weren’t wild.

                    • Junegirl627

                      My first experience with wysocializing was in college study group for psych-101 (I know the irony) so we’re studying when one of the kids say they want to take a break. So some of us go looking for snacks others check email/Vmail/text and this wyguy just boldly asks who’s got coke? Like really??! Where they do that at? The wygurl on the phone said “already on it” and the rest of the wykids start saying”yes!” While they piled money for the beer run. meanwhile me and the other POC’s are looking at each other like WTF.

                      Here’s the thing I’m not about that life. Junegirl grew up in a crack building and where one of her friends mom turn into a crackhoe another ones dad rolled out white sheet style after ODing. And her friend jump off a building after being gang raped on dust. So I was out. But they never invited me to another study group

                    • Blueberry01

                      Wow, JG. Thank you for sharing your story.

                    • None of the black kids who I went to school with used drugs… first time I saw coke use was at 15.. in the bathroom with white chicks doing lines in the toilet seat..wtf

                  • L8Comer

                    Nope, it does not fly. It’s just not enough here. If you’re a POC u wanna go the extra mile to make them comfortable around u. I worked in service industry before so my knowledge of beer, wine, spirits is above average. I find its helped. I know all their favorite beers and can spout tasting notes etc. got me thinking.. Its almost pumpkin beer season ??

                    • Cheech

                      Pumpkin beer, however, is an abomination.

                    • L8Comer

                      Okay, Cheech, Ima let u finish, but —

                      Have you tried alewerk, schafly, and pumking tho?!!! Are u saying I’m basic?

                    • Cheech

                      No, no, and no. And Schafly makes me nervous — sounds like Schlafly.
                      Of course I would never call you basic. But pumpkin in beer —
                      http://cdn4.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/ugh-glee-makeup-not-girly.gif

                    • L8Comer

                      Lol okay Cheech

                    • L8Comer

                      But you should at least try pumking one day lol

                    • Cheech

                      In the name of open mindedness, I will try one this fall. Though I still have 5 of the 6 pack of pumpkin ale I bought for my wife last fall.

                    • L8Comer

                      Report back ?

                  • kingpinenut

                    Now I know I’m def Jamaican…..

                    • Blueberry01

                      I think it also extends to people not born in the US, too

                  • Asiyah

                    This is what a lot of practicing Muslims struggle with. We aren’t part of the in-group because we don’t drink.

                    • L8Comer

                      Word. I forgot religions reasons too .

                    • refslady

                      I work in IT and I know there are people who lump all Indians together: initially they assume no one eats beef or drinks alcohol. Then a couple of the Indian bros come to work there and want to assimilate by doing nothing on Mondays and Fridays except talk about how much beer they drank over the weekend and how much they plan to drink the following weekend. Next thing you know, the “stereotype” has shifted and the Muslims are being pressured to go to happy hour because “Krishna drinks, so I know you can too”. I’ve watched this at multiple companies and every time it sucks for Muslims.

                    • Dang, it’s so frustrating and I am so sorry you have to go through that

                    • refslady

                      Thanks but I don’t go through it – I just observe from a safe distance and help some wypipo with their etiquette, like when we went to Fogo de Chao and one woman watched every bite an Indian coworker ate because “you can’t eat beef!” I asked her if she was that concerned, why didn’t she raise an objection before suggesting we go to Fogo (a Brazilian steakhouse).

                  • Annalise Keating

                    “She was on that Jamaican attitude of I come in and do good work and I leave promptly. That doesn’t work in the U.S.”

                    One of the top 3 greatest American myths is “just work hard, do a good job and everything will be fine.” Right below “just be yourself and everything will be fine.”

                    These ish rarely every work for black folk in white spaces in the US.

                  • Mochasister

                    Damn, I must be Jamaican! I have the same exact attitude. Why the h*** do I have to “socialize” with you? Especially when I don’t even like you?! I am a teacher. I can count on one hand how many staff parties I’ve been to in all my years as working as a teacher.

                    • Kas

                      Any interest in making Principal? Might want to pick up your socializing activities. A large part of rising in the ranks at any organization is being somewhat competent and having the “right” people think highly of you.

                    • Mochasister

                      Oh God, no. Principals deal with too much ish for the coins they make. I get to go to my classroom and just deal with the kids in my class. They’re always dealing with ALL of the Bebe’s kids of the entire school. I just have to deal with the ones in my class.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Or, HH on Fridays…um, I’m tired, I ain’t going to no HH.

                    • Mochasister

                      You got that right!

                  • Nik White

                    At least it doesn’t work in corporate America says the former EDS & GM employee who had to ask for a soft drink at a work sponsored sports outing. There was beer and liquor galore but no soda or juice – they forgot to include it

                  • Jay Ess

                    Learning that now

              • Cheech

                I have opted out every year and it has held me back. I’ve been told so by superiors.

                • L8Comer

                  Damn that sucks. I always thInk “what about alcoholics or people on medication or those who really can’t / don’t want to drink”

                  You never wanted to try to fake it with a soda water and lime or something? I opt in, but it does get annoying and sometimes I fake sick… After working with them all day and night last thing I wanna do is drink with them too. But it’s part of the culture and those soft skills are just as important if not more so when everyone has the hard skills.

                  • Cheech

                    Nah, I just punted the parties and went as far as the hard skills would go. But I recognize that’s easier for me because white.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Cheech, I didn’t know you were of the melanin-deficient persuasion.

                    • Cheech

                      I mean, I tan pretty easily, but ….

                    • Blueberry01

                      LOL! I’ll give you a couple of points for that and another point because your name is Cheech. Where do you live? (I think I can find some bonus points for that.)

                    • Cheech

                      DMV.

                    • Blueberry01

                      DC (raised before 2005) = 4 Points
                      PG County = 3 Points
                      (certain parts of) MoCo = 2.5 Points
                      Alexandria, Arlington, or Fairfax = 1 Point

                      How many shall I award you?

                    • Not that you should give a disclaimer I guess but why not offer that tidbit upfront…

                      I’m always suspicious of the non disclosure… this is a black space and we talk freely.. sitting and engaging when most assume you’re black is a Lil deceptive…

                    • Cheech

                      We’ve talked, I thought you knew! Sorry we nissed each other. I certainly don’t mean to deceive anyone.

                      I mention it when it’s relevant, and I did a lot when I was brand new here (not that I’m an old timer; six months is still new but kind of past the name tag stage). Beyond those relevancy mentions, though, I’m not sure what I would do short of a disclaimer. I don’t want to be that “I’m white, but …” guy.

                      I try to respect the safe space. If you see me not doing so, please check me.

                    • I’m glad you said that… no worries. There are those that feel like they are entitled to be in our spaces…

                      I appreciate that.. I really do. You’ve never said anything out of pocket.. I was just taken aback.

                  • alcoholic checking in. The pressure at my last job to drink and join in was immense. I didn’t handle it. I relapsed (at least I got right back on the wagon) had a mental breakdown went into the rubber room and went out on sick leave Oh and my work fired me (because they had less than 50 employees so didn’t have to comply for FMLA) right before I was going to qualify for the long term disability insurance they offered. I’m royally fucked by a bunch of brohams (and whatever the girl version of that is) who triggered my mental illnesses.

                    • L8Comer

                      Man, I’m so sorry. But I’m so happy you were able to get back on the wagon. I understand addiction all too well… And I also dont, how do u handle it now? It’s so stigmatizing to tell people at work you’re dealing with addiction or mental disease. It sucks. I hope that’s the next progressive frontier

                    • Cheech

                      I’m sorry that happened to you.

                      Hopefully like anything else the stigma will lessen with more people coming out. But it’s tough on those coming out in the meantime.

                      I have heard of some people in the entertainment business getting into recovery because that is where the deals are happening. (Sort of like when buildings went smoke free, some business shifted to the sidewalk or loading dock.)

                    • Mary Burrell

                      I am so sorry that happened to you.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you’re able to heal and fully recover.

                    • DAMN.

                  • Cheech

                    One different approach than the club soda fake is to drink coffee. If asked, say, “I have to get back to work later.” That’s never a bad thing to say (and a good reason to duck out after the required 40 min).

                    But if people you say that to are receipt checkers, be sure to put in a bit of work at home later, maybe send an email or two, so you have a receipt.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  Really? I hate that kind of judgment. You come to work to excel at work, not being drinking partners with the same people stabbing you in the back

              • AshAlly08

                I was dieting not too long ago and had dropped all beer or alcohol from my beverage list. Office happy hour comes along and my supervisor walks up to my desk, demands I stop working, and orders me to have a beer. I know he was joking, but I drank half a bottle of summer shandy just to fit in. Work pressure > Peer Pressure.

                • DM.

                  My friend had to cut his dreads just to secure a job at a top Wall St firm.
                  This was a dude from a T10 MBA school and all his employers cared about was that “the hairstyle looked unruly” and “unsuitable for the workplace”.

                  • Kas

                    Bunch of folks from top 10 schools. You want to work on wall Street, you will be cutting your hair.

                    • DM.

                      Yeah, i’ve always wanted to get dreads but i know the job prospects will drop to ZERO right after. Damnit

                    • Kas

                      Same

                    • Karenmgingerich

                      <<hp.. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!il118r:….,…..

                    • Yay Radley

                      I long to try some of the more understated purple hues that are all the rage right now, but I have locs and won’t chance it. Meanwhile, there is surely a turquoise-headed skater type working just two floors below.

                    • DM.

                      You have locs? I’m jealous
                      And right? I bet you there are two white guys with man buns on the floor above your office RIGHT NOW.

                  • Spychiatrist

                    I’d dip his head in a mop bucket and use it to clean the floors and toilet.

                  • SororSalsa

                    My hair is natural, but I always slick my hair back into a bun for interviews. I’m sure I’ve shocked some folks when I turned up in Week 2 (gotta get those benefit forms turned in first) with my curls out in their full glory.

                    • HoneyRose

                      Nope, not me. I did the opposite – I wore my hair in a glorious fro during my second interview. (I work in tech though, so the culture is a bit different).

                    • Blueberry01

                      Yes, Ms. LOC Method W-2!

                  • Mochasister

                    But they got white boys getting they drank on.

              • Mochasister

                What if you don’t drink? I’m pretty much a strict teetotaler; I haven’t had a drink in years and don’t want to. Drugs are out as well; the hardest drugs I’ve done was taking two 800 mg. Motrin at once. What’s a square like me to do?!

                • Nik White

                  Club soda with a lime with do it.

              • Blueberry01

                Girl, I guess they hate me cuz I be tired after to work to want to do HH…

              • Yay Radley

                One of which will be selzer with a twist of lime. What they don’t know won’t hurt me.

            • GOVCHRIS1988

              I usually get a mimosa with a glass of water and more often than not, that mimosa is still full when I leave while I had two glasses of water with my meal. I’ve also had times where I had to call a cab for the white office workers who knocked hard brown liquor back like Minute Maid Berry Punch.

            • Mochasister

              That’s ridiculous. I don’t care what your skin color is you should be fired for that type of behavior. Why would you want someone with such poor self control in your employ?!

          • Karenmgingerich

            <<hp.. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!il118r:….,….

          • brothaskeeper
        • miss t-lee

          Our company does them as team building/play hard kinda things to blow off steam.
          We drink at work, regularly. As in every Friday.

          • ALM247

            What type of company is this? LOL

            • miss t-lee

              Media.

              • ALM247

                Oooooohhhhh……Are you all running the teleprompter while drunk?

                • miss t-lee

                  bwhahah.
                  Not that type of media…lol
                  However some code might have been written while drunk.

          • LMNOP

            Wow, I have literally never had a job where it was okay to drink at work. Interesting.

            • miss t-lee

              Yeah, my last two jobs have been that way.
              It’s definitely different from button down corporate America.

              • ALM247

                Are you hiring?

                • miss t-lee

                  If you’re good with video game development, yes.

                  • HoneyRose

                    Wait, you work in game development too? We should be friends.

                    • miss t-lee

                      *daps*

            • Glo

              I work in tech in the Silicon Valley and literally every company I’ve worked for has had some sort of “drinking at work” event.

              • NonyaB

                Didn’t know you were a techie too, Glo! Ahh, Startup life! I’ve been in workplaces where there’s loaded fridge/bar and happy hour onsite.

                • Glo

                  My coworker has a mini fridge filled with beer, wine, and liquor sitting right next to my desk. My second week at this company, there was a big beer pong competition. It’s insane, lol.

              • kingpinenut

                Same thing I europe. They stay sippin from clock in to clock out.

              • HoneyRose

                I work in tech in Silicon Valley North (aka Seattle) and same. We have work events with drinking all the time. But my team is quite a bit older – I’d say average age is somewhere in the high 30s/low 40s, and I’m one of the youngest on the team at 30. So there’s none of this getting chocolate wasted and hanging out until 2 am. Folks got kids.

              • Blueberry01

                It may be a Bay Area thing. I’ve also heard of that from friends who work in sales and marketing.

                • Epsilonicus

                  My cosuin is a realtor in Baltimore and they keep a keg in the office. They also have a fully stocked bar.

              • My bro works for Google and I was shocked to see s bottle of whiskey right on his desk.

            • JennyJazzhands

              Me either. I’m sitting here rethinking all of my career decisions.
              I’ve always had to do my drinking at lunch.

              • LMNOP

                I work at a day care (I love kids, but question all my life choices pretty regularly) and I can’t drink or have drank at all, which obviously I agree with, but still I didn’t know there were people drinking at work.

                • Mochasister

                  I’m a teacher too. No way I can show up with my breath smelling like liquor. How can people be productive when they’re drinking on the job?!

                  • LMNOP

                    My guess is they’re not productive. I’ve tried drinking and cleaning to try to make cleaning more fun and a lot less cleaning happens that way.

                  • Blueberry01

                    Girl, I definitely knew teachers who came to 1st period “nice”.

                    Granted, they were depressed about being a teacher, which is why they felt they needed the alcohol.

                    • Mochasister

                      I would be so ticked if my teacher were drunk. How am I supposed to learn when you’re feeling no pain?! I had a professor in grad school who I strongly suspected had some alcohol/drug issues. My suspicions were confirmed when I learned (after I graduated) that she was on a “sabbatical” i.e. rehab.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Mo, white people’s “sabbatical” and “leave of absence” is always something…

                    • Mochasister

                      True. She really needed it. You know someone has a problem when you go to their office and that person smells strongly of alcohol…

          • L8Comer

            Mine too. Sometimes during the week we just have happy hour at 3pm in a conference room. I used to think it was a trick lol

            • miss t-lee

              For real.
              First time I was like, wait, we doing what?!

              • L8Comer

                I think they do it to trick us into thinking its a nice place to work despite the low salary. I’d take a raise or bigger bonus over the drinks and lunches any day

                • miss t-lee

                  I feel that. I don’t need perks, but them perks on my check.

            • AshAlly08

              Do we work together? LOL, my office does the same.

              • L8Comer

                Lolol idk…. Do we?

                • AshAlly08

                  Are you on your way to happy hour? Cause there’s one happening now in my office, lol.

                  Not even joking, there legit is a 4p.m. happy hour happening in my office right now.

                  • L8Comer

                    Nope, not the same office. That woulda been a cool coincidence. I’ve only been here a couple years and I’m the longest standing black woman, so I had a feeling lol. They just hired like 3 tho!! I wish they had a happy hour right now so I could go home early.. It will come at 5/6 most likely.

          • cakes_and_pies

            Only a small group of us do that. We don’t let everyone in the office hang like that.

            • miss t-lee

              We have our cliques, but it’s also a company wide thing as well.

              • L8Comer

                Yep we got a company email announcement.. Then yeah, there are cliques. I try to mingle and talk to the partners tho. Now that I’m looking for something else Im not as outgoing. I’m an introvert naturally… So this whole experience is a little ehh. I’ve become great at talking about nothing tho

                • miss t-lee

                  I’m a pro at talking about nothing…lol

                • Stacy Brice

                  What’s some of the “nothing” you talk about? I’m a black girl with a cat so that’s one of my “nothing” topics. I loved “Hunger Games” trilogy ( books and movies) that’s my other nothing topic. If I talk about any of my TV shows they might get scared. All I watched are gruesome crime/detective shows. Now I’m that crazy black girl in the office. Lol

                  • L8Comer

                    Lol weather, weekend plans, whatever we’re drinking, work, new areas / restaurants in the city to discover, stuff like that or whatever comes up

                • Mochasister

                  How do you do that? I need to learn how to talk about nothing as well.

        • ALM247

          Ok….exactly….it’s as if they are trying to set someone up to say something crazy to get them fired the following Monday….

          • Kas

            Some fields drinking with the team is as important to career advancement as actually being good at your job. Shrug

            • NonyaB

              Trewww. Then again, it can be useful for those with higher likkah tolerance or non-drinkers to hang and observe lightweight colleagues and collect their dirt/secrets (typically being spilt by 2nd beer).

              • Kas

                High tolerance for me has generally worked in my favor.

        • L8Comer

          ???

        • Annalise Keating

          Word! Especially because people don’t appreciate our uncensored behavior like they do Darth Brads. It never ends up working in my favor like it does for them.

        • pixeloid

          We have a lot of work parties with drinking. It’s an ad agency and it’s just part of the culture. That being said, they generally behave themselves though there are occasionally accidents if they get too drunk. Fortunately it’s in Tokyo, so nobody is driving.

        • HoneyRose

          We do alcohol at work-related events, but only wine and beer and limited amounts of it. When I was interning in market research in New York, though, those mofos went out for happy hour every WEEK.

        • lkeke35

          It’s even worse for me. Alcohol mostly just puts me right to sleep, and I’d prefer to wake up with my body un- violated, I don’t care how nice my co-workers may seem, when they’re sober.

        • Naaaawl.. when I was in corporate America… they didn’t know NOTHING ABOUT ME. we ain’t friends.

      • Kas

        “Hooker murder” cackles

        • Jennifer

          #HookerLivesMatter

      • KwameF

        So much facts right here. I don’t even finish my drink, need to keep my wits about me for the fuckery. I stay long enough to not be anti social then bounce.

      • L8Comer

        Not hooker murder tho lol

      • will_the_thrill

        Am I the only person that needs to drink around coworkers? I gotta tell myself to chill. Two glasses of white wine cause I’m light skinned and I get red wine lips, then bruhman is out! Okay maybe a vodka soda too, but THEN, bruhman is definitely out.

      • Thinz

        Lollllll ?

      • Annalise Keating

        “sir, I am not getting framed for whatever hooker murder y’all are planning tonight.”

        ?????

        • Mary Burrell

          Hooker murders is funny

      • Stacy Brice

        Hooker murder?!?! I just died.

      • Cree

        This comment is everything!

      • Mochasister

        Chile, my mother warned me a long time ago to be careful hanging out with white people. Especially if they’re up to no good.

      • They encourage you to drink, like you’re about to be tonight’s sacrifice- and you don’t even know it yet…

      • Tomesha Rene

        I died @ “hooker murder”

      • “Say it. They always ask why I don’t stay longer and have more drinks. Sir, I am not getting framed for whatever hooker murder y’all are planning tonight. I can’t handle jail.”

        Done, done and DONE!! ?????

    • ALM247

      Yes. Protect yourself….I asked for water at a work party one time, and the VP looked at me like I was crazy. I did my obligatory 30 to 45 minutes, and I was out…..

      • miss t-lee

        Always…lol

      • kingpinenut

        Ginger brew….or lemonade…

        These snowfolks ain’t gettin me locked up

        • Mochasister

          Lol at snowfolks! It’s best to keep your wits about you with them. You see what that firewater did to the Native Americans.

          • kingpinenut

            Firewater *still* doing in the Native Americans.

            :/

            • Mochasister

              True.

        • Maestro G

          ‘Snowfolks’. Gotta use that one.

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      Bro lack of consequences is like the only thing I cite re: equality.

      Someone asked me once what I wanted most in life for my son and I said “honestly? frat 2520 boy proportionality between his crimes and his punishment.”

      • miss t-lee

        LOL
        Good luck man.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          i felt bad cuz it was a 2520 SVP with bro kids too

          • miss t-lee

            It’s truly hereditary.

    • kingpinenut

      I have zero drinks…and I don’t even go…

      phukkem

      • miss t-lee

        Well…in my line of work I can’t just not…lol

        • kingpinenut

          *pours out some licker from Miss -T*

          • miss t-lee

            It’s all good homie, you know I can handle it…lol

            • kingpinenut

              *nods slowly*

              *daps*

        • Question

          This. Not going = career purgatory.

          • miss t-lee

            Basically.
            “Not a team player”
            “Not a culture-fit”

            All that fun stuff.

            • Kas

              You got it. And in those fields it’s all about “fit”.

              • miss t-lee

                Exactly.

            • Question

              “Not a culture fit” is corporate speak for Not White and-unwilling-to-try-and-assimilate.

              • kingpinenut

                A perfect home land…aka #NoFukistan.

              • mr. steal your costco samples

                eh, in Pittsburgh it’s that but also literally not being from Pittsburgh.

              • miss t-lee

                You see it…lol

              • Kas

                I can remember conducting group interviews for analysts, and one of the candidates (white male mind you), got hit with the he doesn’t seem like he would be a team player (i.e., not bro-ee enough). My response was we put them in a cubicle and have them crank away all night, what was the need for being a team player. My point fell on deaf ears.

    • Junegirl627

      “frat boy” and “bro-ing” is the way you whitesplain criminal behavior by white males in general

      • miss t-lee

        This truth!!!

      • NonyaB

        Come thru with that word, Detective June!

    • LMNOP

      I have seen enough Law and Order to think this is a wise choice.

      • miss t-lee

        Yes lawd.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Guys like Ryan Lochte are the reason Pitbull still has a music career.

      • miss t-lee

        Don’t be talking down on my boy Mr. 305.

        more like the reason Flo-Rida has a career…lol

        • Courtney Wheeler

          I mean…America should of realized sooner the intelligence of this young man…he dyed his hair blonde…right before the Olympics..and you swim..on a chlorine pool…

          • miss t-lee

            I been peeped that his elevator doesn’t go to the top.
            Every time he gives interviews he’s really struggling to put words together.

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              it’s like his brain is a damn speak-n-spell board, the dude sounds out one syllable words

              • miss t-lee

                That hamster is dead on the wheel.

              • Nik White

                Speak-n-spell board!

              • Mary Burrell

                Speak and Spell board I love it.??

            • cakes_and_pies

              His reality show let the world know he was dumb as a box of rocks.

              • miss t-lee

                The light ain’t on.

            • Mochasister

              Well, how stupid is he? I’ve been hearing people talk about how stupid he is.

          • Cleojonz

            They did, that’s why nobody ever believed his story. It’s common knowledge he is dumber than a box of rocks.

          • Mochasister

            Good point.

        • Quirlygirly

          Hey Hey Hey now..Flo-Rida ain’t that bad *holds head in shame*

          • LadyJay?

            I like his songs. But I don’t want to look at him. Very unappealing.

          • miss t-lee

            HA!
            I can’t with that dude.

          • No he’s worse.

    • Melissa

      Ohhhhhhh yes, you do not want to be privy! If other white people won’t hang with them after 11;35 pm EST, that’s a bad sign.

      • miss t-lee

        Bingo.

    • BrownBearBear

      Let me add the tech bro contingent in this conversation. I’ve worked in offices where beer is freely on tap and all hands company meetings insist on you taking shots before and getting plastered after.

      I do my fair share of drinking during the day but it’s not around these fools who want to do everything together. I’m like, yo, I’ve went to college I’ve been here ten years, I have plenty of friends you are not going to ruin my lunch hour. I still have to see you for the next four. That and bartender has my beer, shot and lunch order waiting and hayle no I’m not telling you where I’m going. I respect my service industry folks. I’ve been there.

      • NonyaB

        I hear you – work in tech too. The most comical is their low tolerance, already acting the fool by 2nd beer.

      • miss t-lee

        Wow.
        Definitely gotta keep your lunch hours to yourself.

    • Mochasister

      Yeah, that sentence practically leaped off my cell phone’s screen at me. I’ve been seeing them get away with bad behavior since I was a kid. It’s amazing the mental gymnastics that whites must go through in order to excuse away other white people’s behavior. Their twists, flips, and jumps would outshine Simone’s.

    • Janelle Doe

      be privy to, or be blamed for. Either or both, good reasons to leave asap.

      • miss t-lee

        Exactly.
        I ain’t there, I don’t know anything.

    • lkeke35

      And if you a woman, don’t have even that one drink, or in 3 hours, you’ll be wondering why your privates are hurting, and being blamed for it.

      • miss t-lee

        Ummmm.
        Thanks?

  • MsCee

    I haven’t even read yet BUT I just knew this was coming…if Taylor Swift is Darth Becky then he is definitely Darth Bro

    • HouseOfBonnets

      I nominate the following:

      Darth Darren
      Darth Brian
      Darth Kirk
      Darth Dan
      Darth Ryan
      Darth Steve
      and Darth Tyler

      • Negro Libre

        Darth Bob

        • HouseOfBonnets

          OOOOOOOOMMMYYYYGOOOOD THAT’S IT!

        • HouseOfBonnets

          It’s so basic it’s perfect.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        Darth Aaron

  • HouseOfBonnets

    I knew he wasn’t legit back in 2012…he always looked like a generic frat boy in a college movie to me plus I could see better white boys on IG so i was never impressed and I’m not surprised,

    Also S/O to twitter….

    • cakes_and_pies

      GET OUT OF MY CAUCASIAN HOUSE!

      • HouseOfBonnets

        and i am carefree

        • What is this guy’s name? And what exactly does he do?

          • HouseOfBonnets

            IamBrandon on IG and Joanne the scammer on twitter and he’s a social media personality.

            • DM.

              He was the FADER cover story this wk. Apparently he was adopted by white parents who lied to him he was their bio kid and he thought he was white for half his life (dum dum dum he’s actually black just lightskin)
              The creepiest feature i ever read lol

              • NonyaB

                LMAO. Love Joanne! CTFU at adopted by white parents who lied to him that he was white too.

              • Mochasister

                How the h…Let me go read this story.

  • YeaSoh

    And this is why other countries think Americans are idiots… Well that and the whole Donald Trump as a PRESIDENTIAL candidate conundrum

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Gotta hit outside countries with the Mariah when america comes up:

    • Kas

      People think we are idiots because often we are combined with a severe lack of self awareness of our shortcomings.

      • YeaSoh

        Very true. It comes from our feelings of entitlement

    • MLK3030

      Trump is a Paleo-bro.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        hole in one.

    • kingpinenut

      Well most united statesians *are* idiots These 2520’s are prime examples

  • Kas

    “Because if there’s one thing bros don’t do, it’s consequences.” A thousand times this

  • ALM247

    Lochte= Swift without the red lips and guitar……Praying that Lochte and Swift don’t procreate with each other

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