How I Fell For, Proposed To, And Will Marry A White Woman

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There’s a scene towards the end of High Fidelity where Laura (Iben Hjejle), Rob’s (John Cusack) estranged girlfriend—and the muse for much of Rob’s angst throughout the movie—finally gives into Rob’s pleas to get back with him. Naturally, Rob needs to know what caused her to make this decision.

Laura: I’m too tired not to be with you.

Rob: What, so if you had a bit more energy we’d stay split up, but things being as they are, with you being wiped out and all, you want to get back together? Is that it?

Laura: Yeah.

High Fidelity is one of my favorite movies, and “I’m too tired not to be with you” is one of my favorite lines. Still, I never quite got what it meant until finally meeting someone who hit me with so many reasons why I needed to be with her that I just couldn’t fight it anymore. I was too fatigued by reason. Too exhausted by realization. Too beat to continue to deny that I’d fallen in love with a woman who happened to be White.

Even now, eight months after we first met, it remains jarring to see in print. So jarring that in the last sentence of the previous paragraph, I typed “woman who happened to be White” instead of “White woman,” a linguistic device subtly minimizing the fact that her Whiteness has been and will always be very conspicuous.

It—her Whiteness—was the very first thing I noticed about her. We were introduced to each other through a mutual friend. She recently moved back Pittsburgh after living in California for a couple years, and the friend thought it would be a good idea to connect. We exchanged emails, made plans to meet each other at a nearby Panera, and I assumed she’d be not White.

I was wrong.

She is not thick for a White girl, she is not “down,” she does not look like “she could be mixed.” There’s absolutely nothing I can say that would make her seem or sound less White. Aside from the fact the she’s currently engaged to a Black man, she is, both literally and culturally, one of the Whitest women I’ve ever met.

And, after running into each other at a gallery crawl a couple weeks after first connecting—and spending the next two hours talking to, laughing with, and just generally being surprised by her—I’d found she’s one of the warmest, wittiest, silliest, and sexiest women I’ve ever met, too.

That two hour span inside of an abandoned warehouse-turned art space for untalented hipsters was the best night I’ve ever spent with a woman. Not best conversation. Best night. In any other situation, I would have left with at least a plan to see each other again. But, she was White. And, her Whiteness prevented me from pursuing, blocked me from doing anything other than (awkwardly) shaking her hand and wishing her a good night.

This reluctance to even entertain the idea of pursuing a White woman was more due to a decades-long love of Black women than anything else. I’ve met funny, smart, cute, and cool White women before, but none of them were funny, smart, cute, and cool enough for me fathom choosing to date one instead of a woman of color, nevermind spending the rest of my life with her. I wasn’t loyal to Black woman as much as I was just unable to imagine finding someone better. Not better in general, but better for me.

Also, I do not live in a vacuum. I was not (well, at least I thought I was not) prepared or even willing to be one of those Black guys who dates White women. Whatever the Black man dating White woman burden happens to be, it just was not a burden I—a Very Smart Brotha—wanted to carry.

So, I fought off the thoughts of texting her or calling her or asking our mutual friend for her address so I could send her a letter or play my jukebox outside of her window. I downplayed the time I spent thinking about her, dismissing it as me only thinking about her just to remind myself not to think about her. I ignored how often I’d glance at my phone, and rejected the idea that I was checking for a sign from her.

After a few weeks, it began to work. I’d forced myself to remember to forget about her so often that I started to legitimately forget. Until, well…

I was standing in line at that same Panera when I heard the door close behind me. Before I could glance back to see who it was, I heard “Hey stranger” with the same raspy voice—and the same slightly sardonic tone—that had been on loop in my head for the previous month. (I later learned that, for that same month span, she’d go out of her way to visit that Panera a couple times a week with the hope she’d “run into” me)

We spoke and shared a table. Our first date was two days later. Our first kiss was two hours into our first date.

It’s been a little over seven months since this all happened. I won’t go into any detail about the racial hurdles we’ve faced because, well, they haven’t really existed. I’m not too myopic to assume that they’ll never surface. But, aside from little, meet-cute-type shit (until she was a teen, she thought collard greens were actually called colored greens), nothing worth writing about has happened.

I proposed to her on Monday. She (obviously) accepted. (If she didn’t, I damn sure wouldn’t be writing about this today.)

I am a Black man who’s going to marry a White woman. And while I’d like to think I was too tired not to be with her, I think I was just too tired to realize that I didn’t have a choice.

—Wishing you a very happy (and very early) Happy Fools Day, Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

 

  • She Who Reads

    I was about to say fracking say.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      u wasn’t gonna say sh t :p

    • GypsyCurl

      I was just going to say CONGRATULATIONS and throw some confetti………Well I will throw e-confetti anyway cuz who doesn’t like confetti? Now if I can just press the right buttons…Aww Heck just imagine confetti

    • Chandra

      I was all emo, thinking this was a love story. Teary eyed and shit. Fuck you

      • ATizzy

        Chandra,

        • ATizzy

          I absolutely hollered when I read your comment. I think I popped a vein laughing… Hilarious!!!

      • Melissa

        Exactly…

  • Greg.

    You got me. Well done. “‘High Fidelity’ is one of my favorite movies” should have tipped me off.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      high fidelity IS one of my favorite movies, though

      • lavidaj

        CHAMP! Like everybody else, I scrolled down as quickly as possible to see if this was a guest. And when I realized it was you, my feelings were SO HURT! I was like, damn. So I have to stop reading this blog now???? lol Best. April. Fools. Joke. Ever. You know it’s a good joke when it was 80% offensive, 18% shocking, and 2% ironic. :)

  • http://www.twitter.com/pleasefeedmsdj ChaoticDiva

    I had to scroll down at the bottom to make sure this wasn’t a guest post from a former blogger who happen to do just this after months of fist throwing and dashiki donning.

    Yeah, so…um, fooled me.

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

      I did the same thing. I was totally not going to say ‘oh, you you just broke up with Lady Champ but marrying a white woman all quick? Oh, I see you Lamar Odom. I see you’

      • Tanisha

        Rofl! I’m done lol

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        ‘oh, you you just broke up with Lady Champ but marrying a white woman all quick? Oh, I see you Lamar Odom. I see you’

        i’d only be lamar odom if i married a white woman who looked exactly like my ex girlfriend

        • SweetSass

          I don’t know much about the Lamar Odom thing… can someone explain?

          • camilleblu

            sweet…lamar dated and had 3 babies by his girlfriend of about 10 years…then broke up with her and met and married kloe kardashian within a month of meeting her…

            • SweetSass

              Omg, why would anyone marry Khloe Kardashian within a month of meeting her?

              • camilleblu

                eh…he may love her, but me thinks it was a nice come up for him…she’s got – (i.e. her family has)waaay more money than him…

                • SweetSass

                  She look-a-like-a horse.

                  • a boy and his demondog 06

                    you insult horses…

                    • http://www.smartmothersguide.com Linda

                      ROFL!!!

                  • Candice

                    Lamar isn’t cute either

                • Russ

                  Re: camilleblu
                  Lamar Odom’s net worth is $69,357,300
                  Khloe’s is
                  4 million.

            • Titilaya

              So he could be on their reality show?

        • Marcy

          You go Champ! I married a black man and have no regrets. Love is color blind for myself and my family( and I live in the deep south). It can be difficult if you let other, closed minded, people’s opinions bother you. Live, love and laugh! Life is too short!. “white lady”

          • Marcy

            I guess I was duped! Oh well. May God be with you all. :0(

      • Vixen

        I scrolled down as well! LOL

        Lawd, that was a good one Champ!

    • kid video

      Me three….

    • Royale W. Cheese

      I thought it was a guest blogger, too.

    • Brother Mouzone

      I haven’t started reading comments yet and I noticed there were 330 comments at 1130am!!! lol…this should be good.

  • LA Red

    Wow….just, wow. I can’t with you right now. lmao

    • agwerbonny

      I wish i can marry you now

  • iamnotakata

    So this is a joke??

    • nillalatte

      Come on now… Champ ain’t gonna be driving Ms. Daisy. After all, he gots Ms. Gay Reindeer! LOL

      • H.H.H.

        ya’ll know who Ms. Gay Reindeer is?

        i mean…i don’t…so…maybe?

        • Kema

          I started thinking Gay Reindeer was white. *shrug*

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          this is true. i never revealed the race of the gay reindeer. it could be albino

          • nillalatte

            Wait… “It?” you ain’t never gonna get none now, holmes! LOL

            • Kema

              I caught that too! lol!

              “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again”

    • LMNOP

      Wow, I am having the slowest day today.

      I read this and was all surprised and confused and then like “okay then” and wondering how many kids they will have and is she pregnant yet? I love babies! Happy April fool’s day? Maybe he meant to say happy easter, but is all confused by l o v e. And I didn’t even figure that all out until I got to the comments.

      • Kaname

        Yup! I was all happy for Champ then realized it was a joke and felt that i’d been sold stale bread >:( Thanks for ruining my betting pool of bloggers that will be married by 2014 Champ!

      • Yoles

        me too… i thought she was already pregnant myself, & i was thinking of sending the kid a
        “mixed kids are the best kids” t-shirt & everything!!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        lol, where did pregnancy come into the picture?

        • Yoles

          it was a quick ;) engagement… shot gun if you will

          • LMNOP

            right, like you just up and get married out of nowhere.

            In my mind Champ and his imaginary white fiancee had like three little mixed kids before I realized she doesn’t actually exist.

  • amconteh

    That was good!

  • Steve Andre

    Thought this was a guest post the moment I read the title…

    • https://www.facebook.com/Aisha.Taylor.Lewis Scarlet

      The title made me think it was a guest, too.

      But as I’m reading, I’m like “This feels like Champ”…I was confuzzled to say the least!

  • Martine Quinn

    I Can’t…

  • SuperDee

    bwahahahahaha . I read this all serious-like..

  • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

    I thought this was a guest post. Damn Champ, you got me.