How Being “Nice” Can Be The Shittiest Thing You Can Possibly Do

I’ve spent approximately 15 minutes staring at my monitor, trying to think of a way to say what I’m about to say without sounding like an asshole. But, since there is really no way to say “Women — attractive, smart, and option-having women — seem to like me…a lot” without sounding like an asshole, I’ve decided to just come out and say it.

Mind you, I’m not saying this to brag. I realize that I’m not especially special. I don’t make a ton of money, I’m quite a bit taller than the average man, but not tall enough for my height to really be considered a plus, and although I’m aware that some women are physically attracted to me, I’m not the type a guy that would cause an Elba-esque instaswoon. Even my personality seems to leave much to be desired, as my introverted nature tends to initially come off as either detached, aloof, and arrogant or shy, awkward, and reluctant.

Yet, despite all of this aggressively but solidly above-averageness, I’ve managed to cultivate many “successful” interactions with quite a few very, very attractive women, which leads me to believe that, right now, the main reason attractive, smart, and option-having women seem to like me is because they’re aware that other attractive, smart, and option-having women also seem to like me. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. (Or something like that)

Thing is, these successful interactions also have a tendency to end badly. Very badly. Thousand word long text message and restraining order badly. And, until recently, I was utterly clueless why. I mean, along with my aggressively but solidly above-averageness, I’m a nice guy who does nice things and shit. And, nice guys who do nice things and shit aren’t supposed to have to file restraining orders.

Now, there are myriad possible reasons why my relationships seem to end so shittily, the most obvious being that I may just be attracted to attractive but “unbalanced” women. You could also point out that by every available metric, there are more “eligible” Black women than “eligible” Black men, and this ratio imbalance — and the exaggerated ratio imbalance in some women’s heads — also means that certain women may take “losing” one of these eligible men much harder than they’re supposed to.

Solid reasons both, but neither really encapsulate the dynamics unique to the interactions I’ve had.

A couple weeks ago, though, a female friend very, um, “familiar” with my dating history shed some light on why this manages to occur so often…while also completely deconstructing me and my “problems.” (She’s talented)

(Paraphrasing)

“You do nice things for women, but you do them in a way that doesn’t seem like you’re only doing them to get some ass. You open doors and walk on the outside of the sidewalk and listen to what I have to say and even return text messages in a reasonable amount of time. Well, at least you return my text messages in a reasonable amount of time. You even always make eye contact.

Basically, you treat women like they’re special. And, it’s easy to see why they fall for you, because you treating them like they’re special makes them think that you believe they’re special. But, they don’t realize that you treat all women like that, not just the ones you’re trying to f*ck or already f*cking.

And, when you get bored or antsy or horny or hungry or whatever the hell it is that causes you to do this, you end things. Which is easy for you to do because you don’t have much invested, but it comes out of left field for the women because she thought you thought she was very special.

You are a nice guy, but you’re a f*cking liar. Which means you’re not really that nice of a guy.”

I had to defend myself.

“A liar? You know my history. When have I ever been dishonest?”

She continued the deconstruction.

“Dishonesty isn’t always about telling lies. You’re smart enough to know that acting a certain way is going to make women feel a certain way about you, and you do that while knowing you don’t feel the same way about them. You’re not doing this to hurt them intentionally. You’re being “nice” but your form of niceness is one of the meanest things you can do to a woman. Honestly, I’d rather get cheated on or hit by some asshole than have a nice guy I genuinely like pull some shit like that with me.”

“So in order to truly be a good guy, I have to be more of an asshole?”

“I’m not saying that. Just, well…ok. Actually, I am saying that. You’re not alone, though. Quote unquote good guys do shit like this all the time. What you’re doing is no different than the guy who stays in a relationship even though he knows it’s going to end. By being nice and not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, he ends up prolonging it and making it so that when the relationship finally does end, her feelings are hurt even more. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, but just stop treating women like you want them to be your chick if you don’t want them to be your chick. Thing is, that behavior is so ingrained in you that you’re probably unable to change it.”

“So, wise one, how do I make some changes?”

“It’s easy. You’re dating attractive women that you don’t really want, and continuing the interactions because you feel like you should want them. You need to stop bullshitting with “safe” chicks you know you can obtain and start putting yourself out there and reaching for who you really want. Maybe you turn asshole and cut off women you’re not super into, but doing this allows them to find someone who would be. Basically, if you stop being a bitch, you’ll also stop being a f*cking liar.”

“Why do I always regret talking to you?”

“The truth hurts!”

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***Hey everyone, if you participated in Five Dollar Friday and haven’t received your PDF yet, please hit us up at contact@verysmartbrothas.com, and I’ll make sure you get it.***

  • Rayne

    Resisting the urge

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      *Chanting* Take the bait…take the bait…take the bait…

    • Kung fool

      You can’t fight it……

  • NomadaNare

    So that’s what it is. Your friend is the realest chick IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I’ve been on this recently, and it’s good to finally see what exactly is going on.

    • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

      times 10!

    • Imperfect

      Yes!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “So that’s what it is. Your friend is the realest chick IN THE WHOLE WORLD”

      she aint all that

      • SororSalsa

        I was dating someone just like this. I can’t speak for Champ, but I think his issue is that he wants to be seen as a “good guy” and that appearances are more important than actually being one. But ultimately, by not being honest, he isn’t and comes across as dishonest in the end.

        • Rewind

          Nah. Men like Champ have good intentions. But we don’t know what we will do with these women when we get them, we just like what we see when we first start. But then we try to get to know these women and find out…..she aint shyte…so we don’t want to deal with them anymore. Then they take it personally. I mean honestly…is it my fault or Champ’s fault that we would treat someone respectfully if we deal with them? I thought that’s how it’s supposed to be. But then we come to find out, because of what other men did, that many women would rather just hear us say “aye, I just wanna fawk” rather than “aye can I take my time to know you so I can figure out if you’re worth the effort?”

          • Manny

            I feel like that wasn’t what the post was saying at all. To use a VSB phrase, you’re “close bussing” these women. You get interested then uninterested, but keep acting interested to be polite and not hurt feelings or because it’s convenient, until you finally vanish causing even worse feelings. Some things you shouldn’t do for someone unless you’re interested in them romantically. Common courtesies like opening doors isn’t one of them.

            • Rewind

              Ok it is wrong to string somebody along. But if that’s not what we are doing, and we are just being the polite people we were raised to be, and yet these women seem to think our treatment of them is “special”, then the only thing I think we are doing wrong is not paying attention to who I’m dealing with.

          • Thereluctantsocialite

            I agree that Champ probably has good intentions and that there is nothing wrong with taking your time to get to know someone to see if someone is worth the effort. However, I think its very important that one defines themselves during that period and that their actions and words match up.

            They guy that I’m dating now is one of the sweetest men I know, and he’s truly nice to everyone. But when we first met, he made sure to define who he was and what he expected from our interactions with eachother off top. He said that before he got involved with any woman, he had to be sure that she could be his friend. So… We were friends for a while before things ever went any further. During that time, he didnt take up all my time, he didnt constantly flirt with me or send texts just to let me know he was thinking about me, there was no physical aspect to our relationship. He really just took the time to get to know who I was as a person. All his actions backed up his words and we were allowed to really take the time to get to know each other and build trust. I think alot of that came from him setting certain boundaries and sticking to them so that there was no way that I could misinterperete his niceness.

            I think sometimes nice people have issues with defining themselves up front (in an effort to not say anything to upset or offend someone)which then gives other people the chance to define you according to how they view a situation. I’m not sure if this is the not case with Champ, but this could be part of the disconnect. However, I will say that opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and using eye contact isn’t really being nice… Thats just having good manners.

            • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

              “However, I will say that opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and using eye contact isn’t really being nice… Thats just having good manners.”

              I would agree. Call me out if i’m reaching here, but i think that’s exactly the issue. If a man was raised to treat women with respect and exercise chivalry, and engage in healthy conversation, does there need to be a disclaimer? I know that there are a lot of ain’t sh!t kneegrows who don’t do these types of things, but i don’t believe a man should have to turn these off for fear of attracting/miseleading someone. Some guys are just nice.

              I mean, is it rocket sceince or something? Who DOESN’T want to be known as a nice person?

              Now if ole boy is doing it to smang, then that’s different.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              They guy that I’m dating now is one of the sweetest men I know, and he’s truly nice to everyone. But when we first met, he made sure to define who he was and what he expected from our interactions with eachother off top.

              ding! ding! ding!

              Too many dudes think they have to lie to get laid. Honesty is the best policy, and believe it or not, if you tell women the scoop from jump, a woman will roll with it if they’re generally interested. This means anything from marriage to straight bending a chick over in your car. :)

              • Sweet GA Brown

                Say it again!!!!!

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            “Nah. Men like Champ have good intentions. But we don’t know what we will do with these women when we get them, we just like what we see when we first start. But then we try to get to know these women and find out…..she aint shyte…so we don’t want to deal with them anymore. Then they take it personally.”

            This sounds a lot like me- except I’m much more brutal about it.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              Please elaborate.

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

                You know how there’s a person that’s beautiful on the outside, but ugly on the inside? Yeah that. Mos people would politley walk away from a person like that. Me? I’d ridcule them to their face. I’m an asshole by nature- I can do that, LMAO!

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “But we don’t know what we will do with these women when we get them, we just like what we see when we first start. But then we try to get to know these women and find out…..she aint shyte”

            I wouldn’t say that. These haven’t been bad women at all. Just women who I don’t see in my long-term future.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Well, give them the scoop from jump. The thing is that if you can’t figure that out quickly, that’s a YOU problem, not a them problem.

              • SororSalsa

                THIS.

                Now, there is nothing wrong with a man being nice and having good manners. But if you know that she’s not in your long term future, then you need to be honest about that. If you’re not, then that is indeed being a liar, if only by omission.

              • curlygirl

                let the church say amen

                • mochazina

                  amen

                • Cece

                  Aaamen! *raises a hand*

  • LSQ

    I disagree so much – be who you are. that is all you can do.

    to say that your nice-ness is the root cause of clearly unstable women and their reactions to your rejection, well it is just another form of victim blaming. (and we all know how that turns out)

    just saying

    • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com maris

      +1. Nice should be the standard.
      We live in a pretty effed up world if someone is considered “misleading” for answering EFFING TEXT MESSAGES in a timely fashion. Are we even listening to ourselves?

      • Justmetheguy

        +2 I hate this idea that u should be a douche just so ppl don’t get too clingy

        • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

          Word, just do you…collateral damaged be damned…do you.

        • http://taterwithak.blogspot.com K. Marie

          Yep. I’m genuinely a NICE person–not passive-aggressive nice or misleading nice. Just nice. And I know plenty of men of equal or greater niceness. That’s just who they are, just like I am who I am.

          The real problem is that certain folks have to create this pseudo-psychoanalysis in order to heal their bruised egos (or that ever-popular sense of entitlement). To me, this falls into the same category as a man being “gay” because he’s not interested in you.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            +1000

      • Anastasia!!!

        Thank you Maris! +1.5 million

      • YeahSo

        OMG THANK YOU!… ugh… that advice was complete foolishness.

      • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

        Pretty much. If I like you, ima say so.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “to say that your nice-ness is the root cause of clearly unstable women and their reactions to your rejection, well it is just another form of victim blaming. (and we all know how that turns out)”

      you know, i didn’t actually say that i agreed with her. the jury’s still out on that. but, she (obviously) did make me think

      • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com maris

        There are two reasons specifically why I don’t agree. One, if you were REALLY that ‘nice’, you’d be friend zoned more often. You are clearly ‘spicy’ enough for the women to stick around. The real nice-guy problem is not that they are a standup guy, but they go SO far out of their way for EVERYONE that no woman feels special around them.
        second, the behavior that was described is the behavior of an adult! I’m really tired of people trying to brainwash me into thinking being a decent human being means something other than you are a decent human being! I have friends like you, but all you have to do is pay damn attention to notice he opened the door for you, the grandma behind you and the snarky a$$ behind her. There’s this really novel thing called talking where people ask questions when they don’t know instead of just assuming stuff. And when did being an a$$= being authentic?

        • Rewind

          I got you. But you know all it means in the end is that so many people are used to being treated like shyte, that they don’t know a good thing when they see it.

          • Alia

            She didn’t say he’s too nice. She said it is his custom and practice to go out if his way to treat all girls as though each is “special” to him. The examples (texting, walking on the right side of the street) are a red herring.The focus is on his intentions, which it seems to the friend, are less than “nice.” So, to the extent that Champ believes women stick around in relationships for possibility, his friend’s assessment makes a great deal of sense.

            • Rewind

              But that’s the thing…he’s not going out of his way. these are things that come natural to him, this is his own personal style. But these women don’t understand that, and assume IT IS ABOUT THEM.

              That’s where the epic fail lies.

              • Alia

                I think there’s plenty if evidence (so says the friend) that sometimes he IS going over and above even when he knows he he’s not into a girl, even when he knows he’s being misinterpreted. I think everyone should treat each other kindly; but I also tend to think it’s human nature to keep a stable of reserves, a B team. We all do it, some of us just don’t realize it. Some of us have blogs and a high supply of applicants ;-)

              • Brother Mouzone

                Nicely put, brotha Rewind..

    • Juiciest Mango

      + a millliiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!

    • legitimate_soul

      Agreed! Since when is being respectful, courteous, and giving the person you are talking to your attention a bad thing? Yeah, the idea of you being an a$$h*le for doing what you are supposed to do, doesn’t curl all the way over for me.

      • Britico Chick

        my goodness if we get excited about mans opening the door these days and walking on the edge of the pavement then something is seriously wrong. that’s just basic good manners. LAWD

    • Rewind

      I think it’s more than that. Being nice isn’t why Champ is attracted to unstable women. He projects something that attracts those women to him. Being nice then becomes bait and when things go wrong, they throw his behavior back in his face, as if he were trapping them. That’s why it pays to take a good look at yourself and figure out why you repeat certain problems and scenarios.

      • Tiff

        I have to agree with this. I wouldn’t think that someone being considerate and polite = he is so into me. My daddy taught me that that’s what men should do for women, period, whether she’s your next girl or just a girl in the store. It’s called being a gentleman. Champ is attracting the women who have been treated like crap in the past or have the usual “men are dogs” mentality. So when they come across men who were raised to have manners and display gentlemanly behavior, the women internalize it and think it must be about them instead of understanding that the behavior is just a Champ personality trait. Of course, when it doesn’t turn into something more, they feel as if they have been duped. I don’t think that’s Champ’s issue, it’s the girl’s issue.

      • TheWidowerSpeaks

        I agree with this as well. Sounds like Champ just tries to treat women and people in general with courtesy and respect.

        We need more of that. Not less.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “I disagree so much – be who you are. that is all you can do.”

      As we have learned numerous times in the history of dating, being yourself will always be a dealbreaker. Trust me, I speak truthiness…

      “to say that your nice-ness is the root cause of clearly unstable women and their reactions to your rejection, well it is just another form of victim blaming. (and we all know how that turns out)”

      I wouldn’t call it victim blaming, per se. It’s more along the lines of doomed relationship.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “I disagree so much – be who you are. that is all you can do.”

      As we have learned numerous times in the history of dating, being yourself will always be a dealbreaker. Trust me, I speak truthiness…

      “to say that your nice-ness is the root cause of clearly unstable women and their reactions to your rejection, well it is just another form of victim blaming. (and we all know how that turns out)”

      I wouldn’t call it victim blaming, per se. It’s more along the lines of doomed relationship.

    • jaytee

      Agrred, I think your friend was saying less “be an ahole” and more be SINCERE. If being an ahole is you then be an ahole. If you’re nice (without pretention) then be nice.

    • MJoy

      so not true. In my relationships I’m usually in Champ’s position… I’m super nice and treat a man like a king, then when I realize I don’t want him to be MY king… they get all butt hurt. It’s not just women who “play the victim”. People in general just hate to get caught off guard. If I break up with someone, I know it’s going to be a huge shock to them because I act like they’re the bees knees… then I end it b/c well, I get bored.

  • Joanie

    Let me just say that I love your friend! Oh, and she’s right Champ.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i’m sure she’d love you too. she’s cool like that

      • Iceprincess2

        Oh, suki suki now!

    • YeahSo

      Actually she isn’t right at all.

  • iamnotakata

    Your friend is very wise indeed! I was just having this conversation with my friend about my current dude I’m dealing with, and he is the same type of a***hole as you….except he won’t go away…I throw shade and don’t really pay him any attention because I have dealt with his “champ” behavior already and are choosing not to participate this time around….however he is a really nice guy!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “and he is the same type of a***hole as you….except he won’t go away”

      Umm, thanks?

      • iamnotakata

        My bad I meant unintentional a** hole behavior lol

    • Rewind

      How is he an azzhole though?

      • YeahSo

        That’s my question.

    • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

      Have you tried being upfront with dude?

  • http://www.twitter.com/deannadivine DeannaDivine

    Totally love this. Totally agree. Just be real. Even if it’s “rude” or “asshole-ish.” I totally prefer a hard truth more than an easy lie.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      be careful what you wish for…

      • TheWidowerSpeaks

        This.

        I am not sure the woman on here really understand some of the thoughts that go through the male mind whether he is a good person or bad one.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      Are you sure you really want to go there? LOL!

  • http://twitter.com/sylquesaid fixedwater

    I feel like I just had this convo w/ 2 friends of mine. She’s right though. Sometimes what you think is nice is really just cruel and misleading.
    But I get it. I struggle trying to find the appropriate place to draw the line b/c nice and misleading, and mean but honest.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      there has to be an inbetween, though

    • mochazina

      nice & honest? they’re not polar opposites.

  • LA Red

    I’ve been told I do the same thing. Act like I really like someone when I couldn’t care less. I don’t like to be mean…so sue me.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Act like I really like someone when I couldn’t care less”

      lol, for some reason, this sounds much worse than what i wrote

      • Rewind

        It is. And yet we are all guilty of it.

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com maris

    I actually have the exact same problem….except it incites a complete opposite response. All my friends know I’m the type of person that will cook for anyone, take your shirt to the cleaners if it’s on my way to wherever I’m going, shirt and send cheerleader texts if I know you have a challenging project coming up. Problem is, men who don’t know me automatically think I’m trying to marry them or something, and I get the “you’re gonna make a great wife” text….promptly followed by a hasty disappearing act. I mean, whatever. I get what she’s saying completely, but at the same time it is exhausting to have to constantly remember to NOT do something in your nature.

    • http://dashwilliams.me/ Dash

      I get into similar problems. I babysat my neighbor’s kid and fixed her television and she swore I was courting. I was just being neighborly, and had to Dikembe her advances. It is hard to just be a nice person. People often overthink things and perceive every action as having an agenda.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        its hard out here for a nice motherf*cker

        • Britico Chick

          i think we need a detailed list on what is ‘nice’ behaviour and what is going over the top

          i would not be sending cheerleader texts to ppl that i dont know and care about. if i see u in passing i will ask how far. but why be dropping off someone’s shirt if u r not tight with them?

      • DG

        Honestly, holmes…I think a lot of women probably would’ve thought you were courting. I feel your pain, tho. Sometimes you’re just being a decent dude, and it ‘s automatically taken as interest. There probably needs to be a list of things that we can sincerely do without implying “I’m trying to see her naked.”

        • LSQ

          that is a tough one,
          for most men, just breathing means we want to “see her naked”.

          And honestly, when is the last time a woman REALLY did not want a man to not-want-her-for-chex? [/hyperbole] They spend an awful lot of money on hair-clothes-shoes-underthingies-and-even-more-shoes to elicit a reaction from us.

          • Juiciest Mango

            Time and money devoted to my looks has nothing to do with you…..has everything to do with me. A sista just wants to look good. My ruby red lips make me happy, not looking for attention or compliments. If you compliment, I politely acknowledge and keep it moving.

            • dookie stain in my draws

              bullspit…and shenanigans i say!

              what “looks good” is judged by what society aka men or chicks into chicks the way men are into chicks at large deems attractive.

              people kill me when they say “i dress to look good for me” but yet dress and present themselves in a way that is attractive for others…what i’m saying is that you do care how others perceive you or you’d run around here looking like honey boo boo’s mother.

              that’s just like when i hear dudes say that they wear tailored suits everyday for self….nygga please! those that truly care about our appearance base that off what is deemed attractive for the times. we, you, me everybody ( for the most part) want to be attractive in the eyes of others…

              • Justmetheguy

                +1 You might enjoy looking good for your own sense of satisfaction, but there would be no “looking good” without other people’s perception whether u can admit that or not

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Eh, sorry, I’m not drinking the damn Kool-aid. Men who always seem to end up with “crazy” women who won’t leave just LOVE to talk about how nice they are and how crazy she is.

          Sounds like he is getting a whole lot out of it. He gets
          1. great sex
          2. a woman who is madly in love with him and the big ego boost that goes with that
          3. the benefits of a relationship
          4. None of the responsibilities of a relationship
          5. He gets to look like a great guy while being “nice” to her in order to maintain all of 1-4.
          6. When he is finally forced to cut her off, he gets to blame it on her “crazy” rather than his misleading manipulative behavior.
          7. He can brag about how he had to get a restraining order on a woman later. Translation: I put it down so well she couldn’t leave me alone.

          Some of us know how to walk the other way when we see crazy. Others see a great opportunity to get benefits without responsibility.

          • http://dashwilliams.me/ Dash

            She gets all those things too. “Nice” guys aren’t taking anything from these unstable women.

            In the words of DMX, “I gave you what you gave me boo.”

            Champ is a giver. He provides this woman with a strong back, good conversation, the occasional date, and he’s willing to help around the house with small repairs.

            When the arrangement no longer becomes sustainable he humanely cuts it off. The women on the other end have the responsibility to themselves and humanity to not allow their emotions to get the best of them.

            Getting their feelings hurt is not a good reason to become a danger to the public and Champ.

            • Justmetheguy

              While I agree with WC’s assessment, I agree with Dash even more. It’s not like he gives nothing in this situation. The problem is her frustrations of being cut off or not desired in the way she was hoping for. (and nice DMX reference, that line was in instant classic imo)

              • MJoy

                The problem is the woman usually wants commitment and when you get everything you want from a guy you really like, you want that ish to last. So when he’s like, “It’s been real but deuces,” she’s obviously going to take it hard. He’s not giving her the same thing if she’s willing to give him a commitment and he’s not. It’s hard for anyone to find someone they really really like. So when that person’s ready to move on for whatever reason, that’s a big pill for anyone to swallow. Hard to accept that all of us beautiful, sexy, intelligent women really are a dime a dozen no matter how often we’re reminded.

                • Adonis

                  @MJoy

                  So when he’s like, “It’s been real but deuces,

                  LMAO!!!

      • JAYmatic

        You had to “Dikembe” her advances?!?!?!?!?!

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        “I babysat my neighbor’s kid and fixed her television and she swore I was courting.”

        …And this is why it’s not a good idea to do anything for someone who’s a single mother- ask me how I know…

        • http://dashwilliams.me/ Dash

          I have recently decided to reinstate my Single-Mother Avoidance Policy, which I often call The Barack Doctrine. Bad things happen to the men and stud lesbians in my family when they engage women with children already in tow. I have so far avoided the family curse.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            I got stories for that ass on this topic, but I’ll wait until there’s a post on it.

          • Kema

            Hey ya’ll leave the single mothers alone!

            …but if you offer to babysit and start taking care of stuff in the house imma think you are auditioning.

            • MJoy

              Hard out here for a single mother p!mp. Let me tell you.

    • Rewind

      I hear you. But while we see no fault in being polite….there comes a point where you have to back the fawk up and realize you just can’t do that stuff for everybody. It just doesn’t work. Respect is based on perception. The reasons why you do things are not knowledgeable to most people you encounter. They are used to most people giving less than the bare minimum, and here we come with the hot shyte. They think we are seeing them as special because we do these things that are nothing to us, but extraordinary to them.

      I can’t ever see myself not being polite to women, and watching the backs of my peoples. And yet I realize i have to stop, because I will always be a simp nygga if I continue down this route.

      • Iceprincess2

        +1000 rewind! @maris You cannot, I repeat cannot, give unicorn treatment to everybody u deal with. You can’t go around being the awesome unicorn that you are all willy nilly. Life is chess, not checkers. Don’t play your hand too soon; make sure he’s deserving.

        • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com maris

          ***dead @ unicorn Willy nilly**
          Hilariously, people who know me also know I’m not nice. I’m that way with friends, but everyone else barely gets small talk. Being introverted, I only have so much energy for so many people. Maybe that’s why the menses think they’re extra special **shrug**

    • Namia

      I totally get you…sometimes my niceness is nauseating….its like a default..even if you were mean awhile ago…i get over it..and help you in a bind. Lately i have been teaching my self not to be too nice..because people do take advantage..even family!!

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

      i say, let them run. this is a blessing.

      you are more than they think they deserve. they know themselves well enough to know to get out before you leave them.

      i could be totally wrong, not being a man and all, but i believe that a man who knows he is worthy and can deliver to you in kind, will appreciate and reciprocate in turn.

      but, as i like to say, it’s a bell curve, and when you are beautiful, intelligent, kind, and generous, you may find yourself with fewer people who can give when you need, and receive what you give.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “All my friends know I’m the type of person that will cook for anyone, take your shirt to the cleaners if it’s on my way to wherever I’m going, shirt and send cheerleader texts if I know you have a challenging project coming up. ”

      Yep…souds like a potential wife to me. We need more women like you here in Auburn

      *shots fired!!!!*

      • Iceprincess2

        Lol Wudup PA wah gwan?

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Everytime I try to get out, they pull me back in …
          *in Italian gangster’s voice*

  • MObetta

    Um, no.

    I’m sure you’re a great guy and all, but, just no.

    I know plenty of nice guys, and they’re not leaving hurt and broken women in their wake because they’re too nice and women just aren’t accustomed to being treated decently. If this is true, these “attractive, smart, and option-having women” need to date a better grade of man.

    I’m more inclined to believe they’ve just been d*ckmatized. That’s far more likely than this malarkey.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I’m more inclined to believe they’ve just been d*ckmatized. That’s far more likely than this malarkey.”

      I mean, I didn’t wanna say it, but…

      • Manny

        If it’s even reached that point then yes, you are a liar….braggart.

        • Newbie

          +1000

      • Kema

        Yep… its that ‘niceness’ mixed with good D.

      • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        You wanted to imply it. So you could come out looking like a great guy. Just like you do with your “crazy” women.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “I know plenty of nice guys, and they’re not leaving hurt and broken women in their wake because they’re too nice and women just aren’t accustomed to being treated decently.”

      I don’t know any nice guys like that either…assholish cats I know a plethora that do- rat bastids!

    • MJoy

      i don’t think it’s d*ckmatized, it’s just being caught off guard.

      Although Champ may have a very pleasant d*ck. yo no se