Aside: I’m watching the Youth Ball on MTV right now in my city. SOMEBODY please get Kanye some clippers and a haircut. Please. He seems to be growing a shag. He doesn’t seem to know it. Thank you.
President Barack Obama. It’s official.
We major? Come on homie, we major.
And that’s all I’ll say about that.
Back to work.
How many of you have moved from one city to another at some point, by yourself? How many of you have moved to a city where you pretty much didn’t know anybody and had to – gulp – make friends? And to complete the murder, how many of you AREN’T Greek and ARE guys?
The older you get, social networking becomes a part of your life, almost as important as not making eye contact with a crackhead or not getting your junk caught in a door while doing naked cartwheels.
No really, don’t ask.
But social networking can be completely awkward, especially if you’re not a gregarious person who’s okay with going out by yourself. Which brings up a most awkward of awkward of situations – men trying to make new male friends.
I see a few of you harumphing out there, but think about it. In this day and age of uber-pride and blatant homophobia and misguided paranoia (though all Black men are entitled to some paranoia), it’s extremely hard to make new male friends randomly. Which sucks if you move to a new city. Look, meeting women isn’t a problem for most guys, even the shyest of guys can meet a chick at work or at a work function pretty easily. But truthfully, all men need male bonding. We need to be around other guys so that we can lie to eachother about our exploits and talk sh*t about things we’ll never do. Or also to go on (wo)manhunts to sow our royal oats.
Have you ever seen a guy trying to make new male friends? There’s always a very funny conversation that occurs because, well, it is actually just damn funny because you get to witness grown ass men at their most vulnerable and awkward moment.
Scene: Random book club where for some reason, only two males were invited. End of book club where the two dudes have been the hit of the meeting b/c they’re both a**holes and comics at the same time – which both recognize
Guy A: Man, you’re funny as hell.
Guy B: You too…you slayed me. Pause.
A: Word. We should hang sometime.
B: Yeah. We should.
5 minutes of more random talk occurs.
A: Um, okay. I’ll holler.
B: Yeah, son. See you around. You coming to another one of these?
A: I hope so.
B: Okay, see you then.
Now, they both clearly want to hang but you know what’s REALLY difficult?
Abstract Algebra, that’s what.
But almost as hard is asking a grown ass man for his number. Seriously. It aint like meeting in college where friendships just happen. Basically these two cats recognized that they could be friends, but male pride got in the way. Fathers never teach their songs how to make male friends (read ask a grown man for his phone number after meeting once). We just make friends over time. They never teach us about moving to a new place and having to find new hombres.
Women seem to be able to do this easier because girls can exchange numbers and gush and all that stuff that makes men look vulnerable. Now, the women might chuck eachother after a few days for whatever reason, but they can make friends – assuming they’re at the right place to meet likeminded people. Granted, the same anxiety probably exists for women, but its amplified sevenfold for men.
Sad, I know. And it is for that reason that I wanted to bring this plight to the masses. Men need help. So in the spirit of Obama and making a difference in the world, let’s help the brothas out. How should grown ass men make new friends? Do women have these same problems? And if so, how does one overcome such obstacles?
Heal the world.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P
BTW, I’m currently “twittering” (whatever that means) with the rest of the world. Add me, I need validation. LOL. Joking. www.twitter.com/panamajackson