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10 Most Ridiculous Parts About The Scene’s “Why Did You Cheat?” Video

By now, you’ve probably watched The Scene’s 6-minute plus video of former lovers turned exes, Kourtney and Leonard, who broke up, presumably, due to the Leonard’s (@LennyLoudPacks on the Twitters) rampant cheating. The girlfriend, Kourtney (@creolekourt) asks the hard questions, you know, “why?” “how many times?” and shares a story about walking in on him smackin’ bellies with somebody else and him telling her to get out.

Let me just cut to the chase: I’m not sure that I believe it’s a “real” video. I can’t prove that it isn’t, but something about you baby, makes me want to get with you it feels staged. But since Brittany Murphy would never tell, we may never know, and Kourt is on the Twitters talkin’ about new boos and sending love and shenanigans to the ex-boo by putting his social medias out there.

Upfront, he deserves it. Not just because he cheated on her, that’s their personal shit. He does deserve to get railed for being willing to go on camera and look like a vapid, emotionless robot who, if he did cheat, not only doesn’t care, decided to make a video exhibiting how much he doesn’t care. Look, if you’re going to cheat and not care, just fade into the sunset, do not make a fucking video showcasing it. What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with y’all? You niggas are crazy.

Since this fucktastic video DOES exist, however, we might as well talk about it. Here are 10 of the most ridiculous parts of this video to me.

1. My man has zero emotions.

And it’s the main reason I think this is staged. They’re allegedly still “friends” but you go sit in front of your ex and tell her how much of a rat bastard you are and show no remorse? I don’t buy it. Even the most cold-hearted fothermucker would father stretch his hands to touch her when she starts crying. At least a knee or something. My man looks like he’s waiting for this shit to be over so he can go play some more Pokemon Go! They didn’t break up because he cheated, they broke up because he didn’t care that he cheated when confronted.

2. She walked in on him in bed with somebody else, he told her to get out, and she did.

No word on if he finished the job or not, but lawdjeefus I hope he put the other broad out because fuck. I actually do know of somebody who told me she walked in on her dude with somebody else and just left, though they were just “talking” at the time. She goes by @creolekourt on Twitter. Which I’m guessing means she’s from The Boot, or is Boot-adjacent. For that reason, I’m not buying it. All the chicks I know from down yonder are 38 hot when it comes to emotions, ESPECIALLY if they run up on you cheating. Her assumed origins make it hard for me to fathom her just turning around and walking out. Maybe she went to private school or something.

3. Back to the no emotions, he never touches her once.

Maybe the agreement was she couldn’t put any hands on him so he couldn’t put any hands on her. Maybe that’s what the release statement said. But otherwise, I’m AMAZED he didn’t even reach out to comfort her once. How you gonna act like that? It seems like just the other day that they broke up, but he has nothing in the tank for her, not even to stop her from crying. I can be an emotionless zombie on occasion, but at the LEAST I would hug or touch or offer a hot beverage.

4. He basically blames her for his cheating.

Her going through this shit helped to embolden him to step out. She didn’t trust him and rightfully so, dontchaknow, and yet he felt she had no right to invade his privacy. Look, I’m a big fan of folks not invading my privacy. THAT PART. But you can’t be mad at somebody for doing something because they think that you’re doing what you’re actually doing. You keep shooting me and I just might try to hide the guns. You can’t be mad at me for being proactive. Now, if she checked and he wasn’t doing shit, then she needed to NOT DO IT AGAIN. Wasn’t her ministry tho. She was part of the Been Cheated On  So I’m All Up In His Phone Ministry. Also, he needs a better password…one of them 6-character joints.

5. He asks her “why didn’t you leave?”

In a vacuum, it’s a fair question; in the context of their now past relationship, what an asshole question to ask. He’s look for some sort of validation even in his assholery. He gets high marks for douchiness. Asking that question almost REQUIRES her to say one of two things: 1) I was stupid, which she says, or 2) because I loved you. The first makes it seem like she was a glutton for punishment and the second just gives him something to feel good about. I hate them both.

6. He actually says that he hopes they can remain friends so he can watch her grow into the woman she’s becoming.

HOLD MY MULE. For why, bitch? For the record, I hate it when folks say the “I hope we can still be friends” shit after a breakup. Who means it? What does it even mean? I know folks who’ve said it. I haven’t. But what an asshole thing to say. “I tried to break you and treated you like shit, but look at you blossom girl…can I watch?”

7. She says, “I don’t think you’re a bad guy because you cheated.” Also, she forgave him “because you’re my best friend.”

That’s nice. And maybe he isn’t a terrible human being, like, compared to world history. But he was a bad guy to you, boo. It’s okay to say that. My man was strokin’ like Clarence Carter everywhere while y’all were together, and smashed so many folks he “hasn’t even thought about how many” as a way to not say 100 chicks. The best friend shit though, man, her BFF bar is so loooooooooooooow.

8. He really hit her with the, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

That happened. “You perfect. Did not want.”

9. He says he just couldn’t commit nor did he want to, so he cheated.

SO WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE, B? Shit. I just heaved.

10. This video’s existence is ridiculous.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears: Don’t do this at home. Your mentions will be in shambles. It’s not a good look. Somebody HAS to be the bad guy or it’s a useless video. Did I mention shambled mentions. Do not want.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • miss t-lee

    I know y’all wanna think it’s fake because of his lack of emotions. However almost all of us ladies have known someone exactly like this.
    Dah well.
    Glad I got away from mine before I ended up in Gatesville.

    • Glo

      YES YES YES. The lack of emotions was the most realistic part of this video to me. I very clearly remember sitting in a car with a guy and sobbing while he was just chillin.

      • miss t-lee

        Been there, done that.
        Never again.

      • PhlyyPhree

        EXACTLY. That was the exact moment I knew I needed to leave because I’ll be dam ned if you don’t at least get me a tissue or SOMEthing

      • cakes_and_pies

        You too? I was in the kitchen crying my eyes out and he was turned into a statue.

        • Glo

          While I was sobbing, I was confused. I didn’t remember dating a robot.

      • MsCee

        I’m so glad I can say that I’ve only ever done my crying AFTER the dude was gone. Something about me just will NOT let a tear fall in their presence.

        • JennyJazzhands

          Me too. I’m often accused of being cold but they have no idea.

          • Marthacyoung

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        • grownandsexy2

          I’m not a cryer and always thought if I ever get to the point where I do, somebody’s in trouble. Somebody gonna get hurt. Even though I can’t cry, someone may STILL get hurt. Lol.

          I remember one guy after he got caught cheating, gave the girl (who I found out he had a child with) my number so she’s ringing my phone all hours of the day and night threatening me, talking about I broke up her happy home. He’s dayum lucky there were people sitting at the bar one night when I was feeling particularly rageful, cause spiking his drink to lullaby his a$$ to that eternal sleep was definitely on my mind. He’s dead now and I ain’t sorry.

          • Mochasister

            Ole messy Negro!

            • grownandsexy2

              lol

          • MsCee

            I’m trying to figure out if I just read a confession letter or not? Either way, I’m here for it. #I’llnevertell lol

            • grownandsexy2

              Chile . . . . . . . . I didn’t kill him, but I sure wanted to.

              • Monicajkoon

                Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dh81c:
                On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
                !dh81c:
                ??
                ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs371ShopPartyGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!dh81c:….,……

            • miss t-lee

              I wondered too, but I didn’t want to ask any questions.

          • Karma comes one way or another. #fuckem

            • grownandsexy2

              lol

      • Sweet Ga Brown

        “…and then my soul opened up and I remembered” – Sweet GA Brown
        I promise I had experienced this a few times in my teens and early 20s. I hate that I have those memories. I hate that we all do.

      • Mochasister

        Wow. Damn, that’s cold. I can’t imagine sitting beside someone who’s crying without at least offering a tissue or an awkward pat on the back.

      • Nothing like having your heart break over a person who feels the same way about you as upgrading to the large combo meal! “Eh…I can take it or leave it.” #TheLiteralWorst

    • cdj

      Yup. I remember back in my 20s I found out this guy cheated and I was on the phone crying like a baby. He was basically like (shrug). I think this is why some girls/women destroy property after a breakup. You’re hurting and the other person couldn’t care less, so you want to upset them like they upset you. You know they care about their car and their clothes, so….

      By the way, I did not do that to the cheating guy. I didn’t have a car back then, and my good friend refused to give me a ride to where he parked his car, then hold my baby while I busted the windows out. We’re still friends almost 20 years later. Good friends are important, and I think the young lady in the video could use some. She needs to work on her self esteem, and a real friend would let her know, either kindly or bluntly, whichever way gets through best.

      Even the guy knows he’s a POS. She said, “I forgave you.” And he asks, “Why?”

      • miss t-lee

        Let’s just say the guy that I was dealing with that acted like this had almost had a run-in with a louisville slugger. He got saved by a friend talking some sense into me.

        • cdj

          Sensible friends are the best! I can apply for a job and check “no” to “Have you ever been convicted of a felony or misdemeanor?” Because of my sensible friend.

          I’m sitting here laughing to myself because I’m glad I called her. I had other friends at the time who would have been down to ride.

          • miss t-lee

            My homeboy saved his life. Cuz I was ret’ to go…lol

            • cdj

              Haha! They couldn’t have put you up in a chair for a face to face video recap.

              • miss t-lee

                Not at all.

          • FarbissinaPunim

            I had my best friend of almost 20 years “break up” with me because I wouldn’t let her drunk fight her EX sister in law in the club. I was like, “Girl, I’m the best kinda friend.” She was like “You never have my back”. Ok then.?

            • cdj

              Dang. It’s sad that she would throw away a 20 yr friendship over that. I guess it’s for the best (for you – she lost). It’s natural to grow apart from people who always create/attract drama.

        • Mochasister

          Where would we be without our sister friends?

          • miss t-lee

            Amen.

      • JennyJazzhands

        Dang. I drove the get away car when my friend wanted to smash her exes windows. I should have done better, I guess…

        • cdj

          Hey, sometimes to be a friend you gotta meet folks where they are :-)

          Also, a few years before that time, I did have a car and I drove this same friend over to her bf house so she could catch him cheating. She did. So I am definitely not judging you!

          • grownandsexy2

            “Hey, sometimes to be a friend you gotta meet folks where they are”

            I call it talking to them in their own language.

        • grownandsexy2

          I smashed a guy’s window. He had a business and I smashed all those windows. Every.last.one. Now I don’t make it a habit to go after the woman but she got in my face and the only reason why her windows didn’t get smashed was because the car cut off. My girlfriend and I still cackle about this. She was the one driving. lol

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        I agree. She needs to get some real friends in her life. Like Panama said her BFF bar is extremely low if she still calls him her best friend after hurting her like that (And not knowing HOW MANY women he slept with?!?!) EXTREMELY LOW.

      • ErnaSheree

        I’m just here to applaud the use of “couldn’t care less”.

    • Careful she bites

      yes this!! when you giving that ugly cry and that ninja is just sitting there unbothered af. it definitely channels some homicidal rage.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Ctrl S

      • miss t-lee

        Whew.

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      Ohhh yess…no shame either. It’s interesting isn’t it?

      • miss t-lee

        Totally.

    • AlwaysPi7

      Folk with zero empathy, compassion, regard or concern for the other do exist, they are called sociopaths.
      My friend Jen used to say “be glad for what you escaped”.

      • miss t-lee

        Amen!!!!

    • will_the_thrill

      Him just wanting it to be over and this being true aren’t mutually exclusive at all. It’s probably a logical corollary. Fuckboys hate to be confronted on their fuckboy antics. It’s rule #1.

      • miss t-lee

        “Him just wanting it to be over and this being true aren’t mutually exclusive at all.”

        LMAO
        Ok.

    • TMonique

      It’s true…seen more of this behavior than not…and the profile of a narcissist and frankly synonymous with ghosting. If this wasn’t on film, this dude would have ghosted. #silenceisakiller It was just refreshing to read that Panama can’t even relate…that he was puzzled and disgusted…that made me smile because I still want to believe that most men are human and not the devil!

      • miss t-lee

        HAHA.
        More of them are human than not. :)

    • Been there, done that as well. I’m happily married now but I will never forget how terrible that felt. *shudders* This video needs to be saved and presented as Exhibit A-Z to every man who complains about “bitter Black women”.

      • miss t-lee

        It’s a tough lesson to learn.

    • Liz

      THANK YOU!!!! Like, this dude is so real to me. I looked at this video and it brought back emotions I didn’t even know I still had, lol.

    • Kendi Tarichia

      You can also tell he has seen/made her cry many times before which possibly reduces his response? Not that it is an excuse. But I heard a dude once tell his boys to ignore his crying girlfriend bc she does it alll the time anyway. She had a valid reason to cry too. So messed up how people play with others emotions.

      • miss t-lee

        Totally valid points.

    • whylie2010

      True. Had an ex who behaved the same way. Some people are just a**holes.

  • Mel

    Seriously? He’s lucky she didn’t leave, go to the kitchen , cook up a pot of grits, put honey in it so it would STICK and come back in and give them both the “Al Green” ( if you don’t know what that is, I’m showing my age) treatment. Women and men put up with these kinds of shenanigans for all kinds of reasons, dumb ones but still reasons. Desperation, they’re in “love” and the worst one is “I can change them”. I don’t think it’s fake, I know plenty of people who are so in love with themselves that they feel they’re entitled to behave like this and they pick people who they know are weak so they won’t put up a fight.

    • miss t-lee

      Bingo.

    • ~*V. von Schweetz*~

      *Mentally notes “add honey”
      and continues reading

      • Jenny From the Block

        I, too, made this mental note.

        • Shawnardavis

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dt37c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !dt3s7c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs327NetworkMasterGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!dt37c:….,……

        • Etheljhein

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !da50c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !da50c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs340WebStationGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!da50c:….,……..

      • Mochasister

        Glad I am not the only one!

    • LogicalLeopard

      I’m so offended by people who eat grits with sugar that I wouldn’t even want grits with honey thrown on me. Grits are supposed to be eaten with butter and salt. You shouldn’t even sweeten them to throw them at someone. They’re sticky enough as they are.

      • SororSalsa

        Maximum grit burn and adhesion, I guess. FEEL THE BURN!!!!

        • LogicalLeopard

          Nah, but you don’t have to insult me at the same time you scald me. I mean, that’s just petty, in my opinion. It’s like punching someone while wearing their engagement ring. I get it. The punch says the wedding is off. You don’t have to wear the ring at the same time. Don’t pollute the grits. If you have to, maybe put a little…I don’t know, corn starch in there…I think that’d help the adhesion factor.
          Annnnddd…..I just realized that we’re having a conversation on the science of scalding people with grits. *LOL*

      • AmBam

        You forgot to say cheese.

        • LogicalLeopard

          Oh, goodness, yes I did…..I looooooove me some cheese grits!

    • Blueberry01

      “I know plenty of people who are so in love with themselves that they feel they’re entitled to behave like this and they pick people who they know are weak so they won’t put up a fight.”

      All of this. Formerly known as “cockiness that masks their low self-esteem”.

  • PhlyyPhree

    #7 made me want to slap fire out of HER.
    Look baby girl, I get it. I do. I’ve been there, done that, got a whole a ss kid and a tshirt to show from a “best friend”.
    But I need you to do like Biebs told you and love yourself because that negro is not, has never been and will NEVER BE YOUR FRIEND.
    And really, she only said that so she could leave the door open in case he wanted to hop back in those yams for a quick “one last time” session.

    • miss t-lee

      No one needs a “best friend” that badly.

      • Tam

        Hahaha. I agree but at that moment,especially if that person had managed to exert total control til you are totally beholden to them, letting go even as a friend is unthinkable. Psychological control is a heIIavu drug

        • miss t-lee

          This is why you gotta cut the cord. Ain’t no friends. We done completely.

          • Tam

            Easier said than done. Had this same convo this morning, but I know where you are coming from.

            • miss t-lee

              I know it’s easier said than done. However you get there eventually.

              • Tam

                Yup and when you get there it is AMAZING.

                • miss t-lee

                  Indeed.

          • Lissen, I had a bad breakup a couple years back. I blocked that fool. then he was tryng to hit me on whatsapp – like sir are you serious?

            Then I saw him at homecoming and he was like lemme holla at you. me: Sir, do you really want to do this. (i’m giving you a way out) him: yeah.

            After I was finished with the chronological read: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f795ed4e80293091d85cb45fc2d69de98357036d0393b31d3ff7fc6d86577992.gif

            • miss t-lee

              Gotta block them on all available forms of communication, and when you see them in person just give them the quick hello and keep it moving.

              • Tam

                No, no hello. RBF is the only thing I have to offer and the iciest voice. I do not hate you but I want NOTHING to do with you. You are not worth my hate.

                • miss t-lee

                  I have no problem saying hello. When I’m done, I’m done.
                  And, I don’t hate them either, just know that we ain’t cool.

                  • Tam

                    I wanted the message to get across anything else would be encouragement

                    • miss t-lee

                      Understandable.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    I’m not there yet.
                    Much to my detriment.
                    I can’t even give you the hello. If I look you in your face and don’t walk through you like your a ghost, then you’re doing good.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I’ve mastered the art of sh*tty sweetness.
                      It comes with time. You can’t rush it…lol

                    • DocMaldo

                      Agreed. My Leonard-esqu ex is now one of my besties (we’ve known each other since we were stupid kids and that ish just carried over to stupid young adults). But that took time. And it’s not even shyte-infused sweetness, but genuine friendship.

                      I knew that once I stopped caring about the petty details of his life and meant it, I’d be good. That’s how I am with all my exes, really. Like the rest of humanity, I wouldn’t want them fools to be severed from an appendage and bleed out or lose a spleen or no other ish like that. But that’s all I got. Anything more and I’m quick to ask, “WHERE IZ YO HOEZ MR, BIG TIME PYMP?” They hate that ish….LOL.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Ha!!!!

                    • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

                      Nope. I’m not acknowledging your existence.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Whatever’s clever.

                  • Glo

                    “Just know that we ain’t cool.” I need this on a shirt.

                    • miss t-lee

                      It’s a thing of beauty…lol

              • hail i didnt even know he was on whatsapp… He was blocked then – You know I wanted him to see I was fine – better without him.
                He hasn’t reached out since. From now on he will get the quick Hello & RBF

                • miss t-lee

                  He ain’t gotta see your better though.
                  He already knows.

                  • It’s the #PettyLaBelle in me

                    • miss t-lee

                      Ehhhh.

                    • CozyVon

                      The quick hello & RBF + glimpsing your flyness = petty nirvana

        • PhlyyPhree

          Yup. That’s what I typed in different words before I read your response.
          Conditioning is a mafucka

      • PhlyyPhree

        No, they don’t.
        But as I said, I’ve been there. I don’t know how long their particular relationship lasted, but when you’re in the habit of being in someones presence and you cloak their abuse/fuckery in the title “BFF” and you feed into the ‘forever’ part of BFF, then I can see why she THOUGHT she should forgive him and be around.
        She still stupid for that though. I need Iyanla to call her “Beloved” and fix it

        • miss t-lee

          When you put your all into someone and afraid to walk away this happens.
          I’ve seen it too many times. This ain’t love, or even much a friendship.

          • PhlyyPhree

            Oohhhhh. This word.
            You are absolutely right

            • miss t-lee

              I only speak from experience…lol

    • Mel

      Someone needs to baptize this girl in the river of self-esteem. That’s what’s so frustrating he’s sitting there treating her like she doesn’t matter and she’s ACCEPTING of it.This will happen to her again until she gets a “get a grip ” friend because she’s a walking and willing target for Dating Sociopaths.

    • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

      She stupid af for saying that! How can you be friends with a person dipping their peynus in every sewer hole that will open up for him?! He don’t give af about your health b. Don’t care whether he used condoms or not.

    • cakes_and_pies

      I’ve typed and deleted 4 comments so far.

      • miss t-lee

        LMFAO
        Put them all in one post chica.

      • PhlyyPhree

        I’m trying to pick ONE issue to stick with but….just so many and I don’t have the time today

        • cakes_and_pies

          I cane’t tuh-day. I just cane’t.

    • Damon Young

      i usually hate gifs left as comments instead of words, but this was perfect gif use

      • it’s just so much, I will watch from afar!

  • PhlyyPhree

    AND ANOTHER THING
    1. There are several men out there like this lenny with the “fuck me up” hair. I won’t say many, because hopefully most men are better than this, but then again everyone has the potential to do fucksiht to anyone they feel will allow them to get away with it, at any time, so Ionknow.
    2. NVM. I’m just going to stop at one because that’s enough of a sh it show for now.

  • BatmansExWife

    She dated a boy that did not care. He did not want to be in a serious relationship.

    I’ve been her. What I mean is that, I’ve held on to people longer than what was required for me and my soul. I suffered because of it when I could have saved myself.

    People show you their true colors early.

    Not surprised at his question about why she didn’t leave. He gave her a plenty of great reasons.

    I hope she’s healed from it.

    • miss t-lee

      “People show you their true colors early.”

      And often.

      Pay attention.

      • Tam

        Yup. But because we are “in love” we do not hear. I get so mad at myself when I think of the things I allowed to slip and slide. All the signs are there but ‘love’ overrides senses

        SN: I hope Father Hugh is not reading this.

        • Lex

          “SN: I hope Father Hugh is not reading this.” Too late Tam lol

          • Tam

            Sigh…

        • miss t-lee

          Love can override your senses, but you have to realize that your seeing red flags for a reason.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          Slip and slide – heh heh

        • Trill Mickelson

          I’ll never forget this line from BoJack Horseman: “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

      • Glo

        *Sees bright red flag* “Aw, it’s nothing. Just a small quirk. If I left at the first sign of trouble, what would that say about me?”

        • miss t-lee

          GIRL.
          This is how a lot of abusive situations start. Emotional and otherwise.

          • Glo

            Yuuuuup.

        • TheUnsungStoryteller

          That’s EXACTLY it. We have got to do better.

          • “M”

            There’s family enabling going on, too, though. Let’s not take that all on ourselves as women if we haven’t heard at least ONCE from the mom/godmom/DAD (who ought to know better)/uncle (no boundaries) / male cousin (give me strength):

            “What would YOU look like if you left?”

            Instead of hearing the start of “A woman who is not there for her man / could not keep a man” and blah blah blah de blah you would stop that quickly and instead insert

            “Someone who is alive and sane with no homicide record?”

            for a start.

            You know how “it takes a village to raise a child”?

            This is kind of like that.

            If fam is not enabling the man-of-color BS behavior … you know the drill – don’t start none, won’t be none.

            Don’t take that whole burden on yourself.

            #HadToBeSaid

        • ErnaSheree

          I feel like BW esp think this way. Struggle love. As if there’s some honor in taking horrible abuse and be still standing, still committed. I believe it comes from slavery. So sad. #notallBW #allwomen…

      • BatmansExWife

        Yep. Biggest lesson I learned is tatted on me. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

        Someone showed me their colors early on. I thought I was the fixer or it would be different. It wasn’t. And I stayed longer than I should have.

        • miss t-lee

          Your tattoo is a word.
          I think we as women think we can fix folks, but folks that don’t wanna change cannot be fixed.
          Knowing when to cut your losses is the key.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            hidden lesson fellas,

            appear broken

            • BatmansExWife

              Explain please?

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Chicks looking for projects, so have some flaws.

                • BatmansExWife

                  Ah I see.

                • Furious Styles

                  Law 46-Never Appear Too Perfect

                • cakes_and_pies

                  But other Black men and Black women get mad at US for not looking past his faults and helping him see the error of his ways. We can’t win for lose.

                  • Brooklyn_Bruin

                    On average y’all stay winning in this ONE arena. Everything else, y’all take the L

                • “M”

                  I have my art; I have my photography, and whatever is going on in the kitchen with the newfangled gadgetry for my “projects”.

                  I don’t need a project. I need a man.

                  They are different.

                  HUMANS have flaws.

                  Men work with women to be in relationship. You don’t need to bring any EXTRA flaws along with you just so I can have another project.

                  • Brooklyn_Bruin

                    Lady doth protest…

                    • “M”

                      ‘k. LOL.

                      We’re straightforward and honest, the way you guys are always saying you want us to be, and then you try to call a flag on the play?

                      Nah, son.

                      These other ladies ^^ had already kinda called you on how you’d impugned a fair ‘mount of your own credibility way before I got to you – and I notice how eager you were here to jump right in with “Nah, nah, nah” without even stopping to think …

                      So I’ll just leave this here & your readers can make up their own minds who’s on the side of truth & justice and who’s the Joker in the pack.

                      :-)

                      (Now – the lady will cop to being a bit verbosity-prone generally. But that’s a different discussion … and I raise an Uhura-eyebrow of my own at you trying so hard to conflate the two issues. ;-))

            • miss t-lee

              Not even. Take your appearing broken azz on away from me.

            • Hidden lesson fellas-

              Keep it pushin’!

              There fixed it!

              • TheUnsungStoryteller

                Hidden lesson fellas-

                Don’t even do it in the first place.

                Perfect.

            • Question

              I cant lie – this made me chuckle.

            • Blueberry01

              Hidden lesson fellas,

              Work on your self-esteem and maturation so you don’t have to cheat due to your own insecurity and selfishness.

          • Mel

            I think we as women think we can fix folks, but folks that don’t wanna change cannot be fixed.— This is straight truth. Women need to understand that if you accept the bad habits on the first date, you will be getting a relationship full of the bad habits. Sometimes you gotta cut your losses and bounce.

            • miss t-lee

              Yup.
              Pay attention. Folks tell you exactly what they’re about. Just sit still and let them talk.

          • BatmansExWife

            Right. And especially if they don’t view it as wrong. It just seems like he did not think what he was doing was wrong. Dude was young, which is no excuse, but he was a kid that probably could get any girl he wanted. He did not view hurting her as something he really had to take into account.

            • miss t-lee

              Agreed.

          • Question

            What’s interesting is how willing we are to fix others but how reticent we are to fix ourselves (as women). Telling a woman that she needs to focus on herself can get you kicked out the sista-girl posse if homegirl is not in the mood to hear it…

            • miss t-lee

              Indeed.
              Which is why can can only offer that advice to your friends when they’re finally read to hear it.

              • Question

                I struggle with this. I had to “acquaintance” some friends after years of endless “this ninja _____” conversations with different dudes. Like at some point, you need to ask yourself how you keep ending up with dudes who ______.

                • miss t-lee

                  I have three true girlfriends. Everyone else is acquaintances. Some didn’t start out that way, they later were demoted…lol

          • TheUnsungStoryteller

            Oh…I thought I could convert my ex. That didn’t work out.

          • “M”

            “I think we as women think we can fix folks”

            Not all of us.

            “When people show you who they are …” – Dr. Angelou

            http://verysmartbrothas.com/he-cheated-on-her-video/#comment-3166905806

            But if we don’t think like that, we get a LOT of blowback from ThaCommunity without them providing any kind of “how to” manual.

            I am no wrench. Don’t fix things; don’t “fix” people.

            The people in the relationship BOTH grow it to what it is, which requires at least 50% participation from all sides, not this 100-0 sham.

      • Question

        And this goes for all walks of life. Romantic relationships. Friendships. Work/colleague/peers. Your mechanic (ha!). Etc.

        • miss t-lee

          Yes lawd.

      • TMonique

        We always be checking to see if that red flag is some other shade….listen…call it “rose”, call it “crimson” call it “off red”….THAT FLAG IS RED!!!! #rundontwalk

        • miss t-lee

          This is solid advice.

    • cakes_and_pies

      I can’t even chastise her for this.

      • BatmansExWife

        Nope. I’ve been her. It sucks. It was probably her first love. Live and learn babygirl.

    • Coco

      He didn’t want a serious relationship, yet pursued her to be in a relationship with him. smh. A lot of people do this, and they expect faithfulness while they’re cheating.

      • tgtaggie

        #icant. Lol. And then they wonder why they’re in effed up tealationships

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        Because he wanted to “get to know her”…
        And then get to know 100 other girls too.

        That’s all.

      • “M”

        Dog in a manger

        Not here for it

    • MsCee

      They never tell you that the healing sometimes hurts more than the relationship itself. Having to go deep within your own self and face all those things that we try to hide. Man, that’s deep stuff.

    • Michelle

      Your comment made me remember an incident in which my former “sista-gurls” called me a “terrible friend”. I was terrible because I kept my personal opinions and feelings about their former/current significant others to myself, as well as, kept some “vital information” about their boos (i.e. secret babies, still married, old criminal records, known to be moochers, etc.), to myself. The thing is, I did it because I knew my friends and I knew them too-too well. I knew that all of my opinions would’ve gone out one ear and then the other, like the previous times in which I gave a damb. In regards to the vital bits of info, it was the same thing: I had learned my lesson, after previous experiences.
      They’re going to do what they want to do.

      • Cleojonz

        This is a hard spot to be in, but when you know there is no point why am I trying to convince you your man ain’t ish?

        My cousin dated this ain’t ish dude years ago and her and a friend of hers saw him out hugged up on a girl who was not my cousin. I knew here she had already put up from all kinds of nonsense with him for years, this wasn’t going to make her leave him alone so I said nothing. He friend however did. So when she asked me directly I did tell her what I saw. Not only did she NOT stop dating him, but this dude had the nerve to not speak to me after that. Never mind that I’m not the one who dropped dime on him in the first place, but how are you going to be mad anyway like you’re not the one who did someone dirty?

        Uggh I couldn’t be out here trying to date now. This was so many years ago and it is still such a bad taste in my mouth.

      • RhetoricalReverie

        Naw, you don’t hide information like that from a friend. I could never trust you again. My friends told me about my ex, and I stayed. They’re still my friends, whom I hold even dearer, and he’s a memory.

      • CozyVon

        Here’s my thing…if I know some detrimental-ass, vital info about my friend’s boo-of-the-moment, as a friend I’m gonna let her know. But being that we’re grown-ass women, I’ma let her know ONCE (because I ain’t got the time to keep telling someone the same thing if they don’t want to hear it.) Now, she can do with that info whatever she wanna, but what she won’t/can’t do is say I didn’t tell her.

        • Glo

          I know someone whose current ain’t-ish-boo has been seen multiple times with many women by several of her friends. Instead of believing them, she’s accused them of being jealous and broken off those friendships. While I do normally agree that you should tell your girl at least once, there are certain cases when you know that it’s not worth it.

          • HoneyRose

            I guess the question is, do you want to be friends with a petty, delusional person who will break off the friendship when you try to warn her?

      • Liz

        I learned my lesson the hard way telling a “friend” that her man was cheating on her. I had receipts and everything. She believed him over me and there was some collateral damage for me in various aspects of my life from the fallout. From that point on, I make it a point to put on blinders when it comes to my friends’ significant others/spouses. I don’t have an opinion about them, I don’t befriend them in real life or on social media, I can barely identify these ninjas in a lineup. There’s too many women that will throw you so far up under the damn bus when it comes to their men. The only women that I know that don’t do that are my biological sisters and in their cases, I don’t even have to speak. They can look at my face and read my mind as to what’s going on.

    • SororSalsa

      This. Young ladies, please believe a man when he tells you who he is. And most ain’t ish ninjas WILL tell you. You just have to open your ears and listen.

      • siante?

        Yes! Listening is so key!

      • Eri Cad

        Young ladies? Ha! Age doesn’t even matter I’ve seen this foolishness at any age.

    • UrbanNortheast

      Men are not complicated, generally speaking. When a man is acting like he doesn’t care, it’s because he doesn’t care. Learned that lesson the hard way.

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        Yeah, he won’t care at that moment when a woman is hurt, but he will down the road when he realizes what he left.

        • “M”

          And then come banging on the door!

          why dey do dat

  • Hugh Akston

    Hmmm 10. You can go on YouTube and you’ll find those videos

    Wasn’t there a show around a similar idea?

    But in any event seems folk want to get mad because a human being shares his body with another human being…like he used to before the current human being

    I don’t see the point of going through all of that useless exercise just to get folks riled up and I don’t understand folks who want to retort to physical violence because of such exercise I.e.sharing bodies smh

    Humans are funny creatures to observe…I’ll go back to my corner and watch this one

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Closure?

      • Tam

        So we like to think.

      • Hugh Akston

        Closure? I guess I just don’t do well on dwelling on things like that just doesn’t add any value to me anyways so I shrug and life goes on

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    Did I miss the part where chick took some ownership for driving him to cheat?

    Or they didn’t go there, and just made it entirely sympathetic to her?

    • Tam

      Because men often convince a lot of us it is our fault.

    • Mel

      You drove me to cheat because you gave me exactly 9 blow jobs instead of the 10 I wanted. I’m rolling my eyes now…

      • Glo

        “Remember that one time you were too tired for chex? Well, karma.”

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        She probably wasn’t meeting his emotional needs

        • Mel

          Yes, she never wanted to discuss his side chicks with him or there were never enough hours in the day to pay attention to meet his every. single. need.

        • Glo

          He said he thought of her as his best friend, but you know. That’s clearly not enough. *insert eye roll*

    • PhlyyPhree

      Wait, I’m sorry, WHET?
      Ownership for driving him to cheat?
      Responsibility for the fucked up actions another GROWN A SS PERSON TOOK THAT HARMED HER????
      Is that what you’re asking?

    • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

      I’m cackling at all the responses. You asked for it. LOL

      • PhlyyPhree

        He clearly enrolled at the Panama Mcartney-Jackson school of Wanna be Starting Something.

        • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

          Clearly….LOL

    • miss t-lee
    • miss t-lee

      “Did I miss the part where chick took some ownership for driving him to cheat?”

      This is rich.

    • Negro Libre
    • Glo

      Real talk, tho, this dude looks like he’s cheated on every girlfriend he’s ever had. Pretty sure the only thing she did wrong was choose to date him in the first place.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        She didn’t listen to her first mind.

        If real, I’m betting she was isolated, and he was her “best” option available.

      • MsCee

        Rule #1 never date a dude who looks like he gets style inspiration from The Weeknd.

    • Mr. Mooggyy
    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      I bow at your feet. I am not worthy to even sit in your shadow. This here is your masterpiece!

  • Barbie

    Might be real, might not be real. Last week I mediated a discussion between my homegirl and man. They were basically having one those discussions about who did the most harm to the relationship – for the record him. Anyway, at some point she started to tear up and I told her not to cry. He just sat there on the couch. He never even bothered to look up from his phone. At that point I told her it’s not about whether he’s going to change it’s about whether you feel like you deserve something better and left.

  • Mr. Mooggyy

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