Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Having The Birthday Cake And Eating It Too: A Collection of Conflicting Thoughts About Chris Brown

Ever since his infamous assault of then-girlfriend Rihanna, I’ve been captivated with Chris Brown, Rihanna, the myriad different stances people have adopted in regards to them, and the “Whys” behind these stances. Case in point: Along with my recent piece at Ebony, I’ve written about them — well, him in particular — at least four times in the three years since.

First there was “naked: chris brown and the sad plight of the scorned man” — an entry where I used their situation as a convenient segue to talk about how men dealing with effed up relationship situations usually don’t have any proverbial “shoulders to cry on.”

I followed that a few months later in something written about Tiger Woods and his wife, where I made mention of the fact that it seems like some of the people excusing Chris Brown for his role in the incident may not realize exactly how much bigger he is than Rihanna. Not that it should matter. A 5’6” man can inflict just as much damage as a 6’6” man can. But, I thought (and still do think) that some people hear the name “Chris Brown” and immediately think skinny, dancing-ass, teenage pop star, not 6’2” man with muscles formed from years of dancing and working out. Basically, in their minds, him vs Rihanna was a fair fight, but in actuality he dwarfs her in size.

Next, I made mention of them making a “movie” together in “A Sneak-Peek Into “Tyler Perry’s Love Jones.”

And, by the time “Seven Reasons Why I’m Totally Not Upset About Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” Movie” was written a few months ago, you could begin to sense my exasperation with this discussion. In a matter of a couple years, I went from “this is some serious sh*t” to “I know it’s serious, but I don’t really give a damn anymore”

“Back to Blonde Breezy. Although I’ve been very critical of Chris Brown’s “redemption” in the past, I think I’ve officially reached the “not a single f*ck was given” point regarding whatever the hell happened that infamous night on the way to the Grammys. Apparently, time heals all wounds and all self-righteous indignations.

But, what remains completely fascinating is how both him and Rihanna have gotten progressively weirder and progressively more famous since that night. Maybe instead of a fight that night, they actually went through the Illuminati’s application and pledging process. Who knows?

I do know, though, that somewhere out there (probably on Mars), Andre 3000 and Erykah Badu are kicking themselves. They already had the weird part down pact. Who knew that all they had to do to keep people actually buying their albums was jab each other a couple times while riding in one of their spaceships?”

I guess today’s entry is me coming full-circle. As you may have guessed, I am fascinated again. Now, though, the best word to describe my feelings about Chris Brown is ambivalent.

From the perspective of a person who follows, studies, appreciates, and, sh*t, depends on pop culture, I’m elated that Breezy and Ri-Ri are making music (and, possibly, love) together again. I don’t give a damn about the “Birthday Cake” song itself (I haven’t even listened to it yet), but I will be tuned in to read, watch, listen to, and attempt to deconstruct people’s reactions to it. For a person who writes about pop culture for a living, you couldn’t ask for a better, more layered story.

But, from the perspective of a man who used to be an educator and knows exactly how damaging the latent message of “It’s ok to beat up your girl as long as you’re handsome and popular because everyone, including her, will forgive you shortly anyway” can (and will) have on their millions of young fans, their very public reconciliation rubs me the wrong way.

Right now, Chris Brown is having his birthday cake and eating it too. And, along with the Gotdamn Idiot factor, I think much of the push back is due to the fact that it just doesn’t seem fair for him to be able to do that. People upset at the situation are interested in and deeply invested in concepts like justice, and karma, and comeuppance, and seeing a person do dirt and still succeed in spite of it is a severe rebuke of the way they see the world.

On the other hand, that — Life just aint f*cking fair. Get used to it. — could be a teachable lesson in itself. Perhaps it’s not a bad thing to teach kids at an early age that popular guys and pretty girls will have advantages that normal folks just don’t. I mean, I’m sure they see it play out in front of them every day, and they’re probably tired of hearing “all people have the same chance” from their teachers and parents anyway. Why not be real with them now instead of setting them up for a lifetime’s worth of disappointment?

I don’t know. I don’t have any answers to any of these questions. I don’t know which side of me — the writer or the human — will win out. Sh*t, I don’t even know if the writer and the human are separate entities. I do know, though, that this will not be the last time I devote space to Chris Brown, and I’m concerned with how easily I’m beginning to be able to write something and feel nothing.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

    Here’s what fascinates me about Chris Brown and Rihanna – OTHER peoples fascination with them. I mean, Miranda Lambert getting all worked up at the Grammys (even though she did a tribute to Glen Campbell who’s been beating women 2 or CB’s lifetimes), Elisabeth Hasslebeck crying over her on the view, etc. Like, you don’t know these folks, why are y’all so emotional about them? How does this affect YOU? My 2 cs

    • nillalatte

      +1, Miranda Lambert ticked me off so bad with her stupid comments.

      • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

        And the other person I forgot to include – Jack Osbourne. Ozzy beat the isht out of his 1st wife, and beat Sharon for 15 years until he sobered up. Maybe in 2042, Chris and Rihanna will be the new Osbournes

        • Thai

          Ozzy also almost choked Sharon to death and would have succeeded had it not been for the panic button in their home. WTF? Yes, a panic button. Ike and Tina didn even have that sh*t in their home…what they get? A reality show and two chubby kids now one juice cleanse away from modeldom…i think. And the third daughter who stays oout of the black light lime light that is the Ozzys…y do I know this?

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            I think that those situations speak to the dysfunction that exists in relationships that have had abuse. Violence in the home will always be a family issue, because it impacts everybody in the family unit and how their lives change or stay the same.

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          Yeah but because Jack’s seen it first-hand he should condemn it, don’t you think?

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Do you go in the media and condemn your parents’ dysfunction? I ask, not to be disrespectful but to attempt to understand where you’re coming from.

            Most people don’t call their parents to task in the media. (Maybe in private conversations with them, maybe legally, but not in the media)

            What would it serve for Jack to use the media to prove anything? To prove that his father used to abuse his mother? To prove that his mother changed? That to me would be creating a dysfunctional relationship with the media — as Jack would already know his father abused his mother and would already know the outcome of things at his home.

            I would totally understand though if Jack went into the media as an adult (not as the child he was) immediately after such an incident of violence had occured, especially if he felt that it would lead to his father getting help or his mother leaving his father for her safety.

            But outside of that, I really doubt that people who are in dysfunctional relationships are “wise” and able to disassociate their emotional enmeshment with the situation to speak out against domestic violence. You have to heal before you can speak out about domestic violence if you were the person abused or who witnessed the abuse.

            • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

              I don’t know if your response was meant for me but what I meant about Jack seeing it first-hand meaning that he should condemn it was referring to him condemning other men for doing that (aka Chris Brown), not necessarily his father. Though I think he should condemn his father for abusing his mother for so many years I understand that some people might not want to throw shade on their parents publicly.

      • Britico Chick

        +2 But what is spawning is this is social media where everyone has a comment/opinion on anything and everything – including us. LOL.

    • DQ

      What she said x 1000

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      I mean, Miranda Lambert getting all worked up at the Grammys (even though she did a tribute to Glen Campbell who’s been beating women 2 or CB’s lifetimes), Elisabeth Hasslebeck crying over her on the view, etc. Like, you don’t know these folks, why are y’all so emotional about them? How does this affect YOU? My 2 cs

      there are many possible reasons for this, but, since i love the race card, my favorite is that it’s somewhat race-based. for instance, did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?

      yet, you don’t hear the same level of animus in regards to him that you do with Chris Brown.

      • Jhane Sez

        “there are many possible reasons for this, but, since i love the race card, my favorite is that it’s somewhat race-based. for instance, did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?
        yet, you don’t hear the same level of animus in regards to him that you do with Chris Brown.”

        That’s because Fassbender isn’t a household name.

        And the director of Shame is pissed because neither Michael nor the film got any recognition from SAG or the Academy even though the film was praised by the critics and they say this is in part because of his negative reputation.

        The real tell will come to see what future projects he gets to work on ~JS

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Bingo.

        Not that it’s ever ok for a man to beat a woman, but yeah.

        People get self-righteous when it comes to the issue of domestic violence…White people’s racism comes out on this issue (remember the response of the While community when OJ Simpson was acquited?).

        We already know how the sexism & misogynism came out in the Black community when the news broke about Chris and Rhianna. There was a definite split between Black folks who were pissed that he punched her and bit her with his big ass teeth and Black folks who defended what Chris did.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        “for instance, did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?”

        I DIDN’T know that at all! I mean, he doesn’t have the same level of fame as Chris Brown right now, but like you said, he is an “IT” actor (someone I think is very talented thus very disappointed to read this news). Interesting…

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?

        And I don’t like him either. I don’t get the fascination with him. Yes, it is a race thing with most of America. It’s not a race thing with me. I could care less whether or not Chris Brown was Black or Latino or Asian I don’t like him period.

        Of course, with Fassbender, it’s still SPECULATION. I don’t care what it is. I see the double standard.

    • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

      @IAYP
      i think the CB – Rih Rih thing are being made a huge deal of may be based on race (as Champ mentioned) but also has a lot to do with BOTH ppl in the relationship are huge stars. both are in the public eye so we’ve had a glance at the victim, the abuser, and the aftermath (re: the apology bowtie & sweater, the diane sawyer interview, their continued lucrative careers, etc).

      its easy to ignore/forget about nancy whatsherface being abused when we have no real clue who nancy (or is is suzy?) whoeversheis is. as consumers of entertainment, we’d rather not know the nameless ppl who are being hurt and mistreated by their uber popular mates. smh

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      Miranda Lambert’s husband did the tribute, not her. I don’t think her comments are stupid, I just won’t go ahead and say TEAM LAMBERT. I’m TEAM ANTI-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. She can be hypocritical all she wants it’s not like her opinion affects or influences mine. I still don’t like Chris Brown whether she loves him or not.

  • Cheech

    I listened to the song today and honestly I haven’t been this disturbed by a song since Plies’ Get it Wet. I’ve listened to dirty songs before but this one was just weird because this is their first song together since the beating and they are already singing about screwing…like where was the reconciliation. I know it is technically a private matter but they and the police publicized it and Rihanna spoke about it in interviews so you would expect something but no…they jump right back into bed lol. I kind of feel bad for Chris’s girl and Drake right now….both them have to feel a bit pissed

    • Latonya

      Wait Rhianna is dating Drake? I thought they were just friends?

      • Cheech

        Naw she wasn’t dating Drake…she friendzoned him lol

        • Latonya

          ” friendzoned him” LOL ! Off topic but Drake is not cute to me! I’ll friendzone him to! LOL

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        i think drake is too preoccupied with his neverending cadre of video chicks and strippers

        • Breazy Taylor

          And paying for air fare.

    • Chanelle

      “I listened to the song today and honestly I haven’t been this disturbed by a song since Plies’ Get it Wet.”
      See your first mistake was listening to Plies

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      I made the mistake of Googling Plies’ “Get You Wet”. Those are 15 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. The foolishness…it BURNS!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “…and honestly I haven’t been this disturbed by a song since Plies’ Get it Wet”

      you obviously never heard rza’s “domestic violence”

      • Cheech

        What makes Domestic Violence a little sad for me is that I heard three separate couples yesterday who were having arguments that were very similar to the song…that’s too real

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “you aint sh*t/your momma aint sh*t”

    • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com kiesh

      I was thinking the same thing. “You beat my azz now come get this cake” – really? And the remix just sucks.

    • Around the Way Girl

      Yeah, I listened to “Cake” last night and just felt icky. The “Turn Up the Music” remix works though.

      Btw, I love your name, Cheech! I’m jealous I didn’t think of it.

      • Kidsister04

        I liked it when it was just a snippet on her album and having CB on the remix is definitely my icing on the cake ;-) *sings* its not even my birthday

      • Cheech

        Thank you lol….it was one of the hundred of nicknames I’ve gotten ever I started school lol

  • http://ladyngo.blogspot.com Lady Ngo

    I don’t really care about them or their situation one way or the other. Their drama has provided us with plenty of fodder for laughs, lessons about writing checks you arse can’t cash and pickin fights in appropriate places…but thats all its been to me. There are plenty of women (and some men too) getting their arse kicked everyday by their friends, family, and/or significant others…i don’t see too many people taking to the streets on their behalf.

    Wish people would stop idolizing folks

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      There are plenty of women (and some men too) getting their arse kicked everyday by their friends, family, and/or significant others…i don’t see too many people taking to the streets on their behalf

      damn. tell us how you really feel

  • missmajestic

    I think I’m biased by the fact that Chris is WAY more talented than Rihanna. He was way wrong, but to make Rihanna into some sort of domestic violence example is just wrong. they aint even close to a Ike and Tina. I doubt it would have even made the news the way it did had it not been right before the Grammys.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I doubt it would have even made the news the way it did had it not been right before the Grammys.”

      so a pop star getting her face beaten to a pulp by her pop star boyfriend wouldn’t have made the news?

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        ” so a pop star getting her face beaten to a pulp by her pop star boyfriend wouldn’t have made the news?”

        If she was White and he was White, their PR would cover the shit up. Or paint her as a mentally imbalanced White woman.

        And if the news leaks to the press, there will be an “upstanding White person” to speak positively on behalf of the White male abuser in the scenerio coughs *Hugh Hefner* cough

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Free my comment please.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          If she was White and he was White, their PR would cover the shit up. Or paint her as a mentally imbalanced White woman.

          eh. i doubt that. i think it would have been an even bigger story.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            You’d be surprised the White celebrities who keep their shyt on the hush hush…drugs, abuse kept out of the media if they pay them enough or pull enough strings.

          • LurkMcGurt

            Well why did I just recently hear about Madonna getting her butt whooped by Sean Penn. Maybe I was too young to care about Madonna’s personal life…that and we didn’t have the inanet back then to spread info around like we do now.

            Eventually the public gets over it, or just have really good “people.”

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              You know what’s funny? Sean Penn’s abusive ways still gets swept under the rug. When Sean was with Madonna, his abusiveness never came to light. THe media would hint around his temper and say that he was angry with the papparazzi. Yet the media still did Madonna a favor by not letting out that Sean Penn solves problems with women with his fists.

      • SororSalsa

        I think that part of the reason this story was so big is that it involved Rhianna, one of pop music’s crossover stars. If the female had been, say….Olivia or Teierra (sp?) Marie, I have a feeling the story wouldn’t have been nearly as big. You have to be a ninja that white people care about for them to get so up in arms.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          You’re correct. Teyana Taylor getting beat up by a director only made Black news. JayZ shoving a woman’s face on video floating around never will make it to mainstream media.

          Let JayZ interrupt a well-loved White celebrity and its over. But he can get away with talking about Black women in kinda negative way he wishes in the media.

          • Latonya

            I think if Jay hit Beyonce! Now that whould be news! Hell if he get a divorce from Beyonce that would be a end to his career!

    • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

      I think I’m biased by the fact that Chris is WAY more talented than Rihanna. He was way wrong, but to make Rihanna into some sort of domestic violence example is just wrong. they aint even close to a Ike and Tina. I doubt it would have even made the news the way it did had it not been right before the Grammys.

      (o_O)

      i have some questions…
      1 – what does their talent (or lack thereof) have to do with ANYTHING as it relates to physical abuse?
      2 – how is it wrong that Rihanna has been made into an “example of domestic violence”? she did in fact have her face beaten bloody and bruised by her boyfriend.
      3 – no, they arent Ike and Tina. theyre Chris and Rih Rih. whats your point???????
      4 – how would this situation occurring outside of the Grammy’s setting changed anything? a male star beating the sh*t out of a female star isnt news worthy?

      • MsPackyetti

        +1000 on this. Everybody else completely skipped the HUGELY appalling first comment about talent.

        I have no words for how disappointing that was to read, so thank you for yours.

      • MsPackyetti

        +1000 on this. Everybody else completely skipped the HUGELY appalling first comment about talent.

        I have no words for how disappointing that was to read, so thank you for yours.

  • That Ugly Kid

    I might sound like a d*ck, but I believe people need to leave the Chris and Rihanna situation alone. He did what he did, owned up to it, and dealt with the consequences. And it apologized for it. People can question the sincerity (or strength) of his apology all they want. They aren’t the victim. Your opinion, on his apology, to RIHANNA, is irrelevent. I see all kinds of asinine comments like “Chris is trash and deserves life in prison” or my personal favorite “Chris deserves the death penalty.”

    Life Sentence? Death Penalty? For what? I know I’m probably gonna catch flak for this but I have a secret. Beating a woman is not the worse crime. Stop acting like it. In world that has homicide, genocide, rape, child molestation, etc…beating a woman is not the worse thing one human can do to another. Am I saying beating a woman isn’t horrible? Nope. It is very horrible. But to refuse to forgive a man when he could’ve done something MUCH worse, is ludicrous. Bruises heal. A dead man can’t return to life.

    • nillalatte

      +1, yup, I’m kind of tired hearing about it too. I’ve worked with victims of domestic violence and believe me what Chris did is relatively nothing compared to the abuse others have inflicted– and some of the women go back to their abusers often.

      What this does it highlight the ugly side of dysfunctional relationships. A one time physical ‘beat down’ does not an abuser make. And, I think Chris was served a lot of extra time due to his fame because I’ve seen abusers do more and get less time than him. #CostOfFame

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        “A one time physical ‘beat down’ does not an abuser make.”

        According to Rihanna, this wasn’t the first time he had hit her.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I see all kinds of asinine comments like “Chris is trash and deserves life in prison” or my personal favorite “Chris deserves the death penalty.”

      i think people saying things like this are just looking for attention

    • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

      He did what he did, owned up to it, and dealt with the consequences. And it apologized for it.

      did he own up to it??? i dont ever remember this. and i watched “the apology” AND his interview with larry king. never once did he admit to BEATING rihanna. in fact, he refused to address the details of the incident at all and i believe said the night was a blur. (-_-) for rihanna and her swollen eyes, im sure. saying sorry for “things that transpired” is hardly what i would consider owning up to what he did. saying “im sorry i beat the sh*t out of my girlfriend because i was angry and out of control” would have been more of an admittance.

      and did he deal with the consequences?? i dont remember him having to suffer any, aside from a few ads/performances pulled here and there…. accepting a plea that requires “community service” and some “dv counseling” is nothing.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        His consequences were people talking badly about him. That’s hardly horrible. If the worst he has to deal with is people talking badly about him on the internet and in the media, then he’s very sheltered.

      • That Ugly Kid

        He didn’t deny it. And I do recall in the interview that he said he was shocked when he saw pictures of Rih’s face and that he did that to her. And as I said above, whether or not YOU think his apology was good enough (on tv nonetheless) is irrelevent. This is not about you. It’s about Rihanna. And whose to say he didn’t deliver a more hearfelt apology to Rih in private. During a text? In person after she dropped the retraining order? You don’t know. All you have, is what the media shows. Which is why this whole thing is idiotic. We have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors.

        As far as consequences go, he served them. Again, whether or not you thought they were harsh enough? Irrelevent. You aren’t the Judge. The judge felt that whatever ruling he/she had given would be punishment enough. And CB took it and lived with it. Like it or not.

        • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

          nd as I said above, whether or not YOU think his apology was good enough (on tv nonetheless) is irrelevent.

          sweetie, 1st of all no one is talking about “good enough”. HE DID NOT OWN UP TO WHAT HE DID. saying “i cant believe i did that to her face” is not the same as “i did that to her face and for that im sorry”.

          2nd, no one is claiming to know what has gone on between the 2 of them behind closed doors. Rihanna is free to forgive and forget as she pleases. but for the PUBLIC to forgive him, yes he does need to admit PUBLICLY to what he did for their forgiveness. and clearly a lot of ppl arent ready to forgive OR forget because he hasnt owned up to it or shown behavior that would say he deserves to be back in the public’s good graces. and if thats how he wants to roll, thats fine. EYE dont HAVE TO forgive anybody that i dont think has shown ME that they are sorry, remorseful, and willing to change. (same applies to Mr. Eddie Long).

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            + 1

          • That Ugly Kid

            Except, the problem with what you’re saying is, you act like the public WANTS to forgive him IF he shows remorse, etc. This is blatantly false. Remember when CB did MJ’s “Man In The Mirror” performance and broke down and cried? Now, remember the public’s reaction to it. Everyone screamed it was fake. Those were fake tears, etc. You can (along with others) pretend that you WANT to forgive him, but the truth is, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t ridicule every little thing he does (not saying you specifically, also not saying you should co-sign everything either). You wouldn’t label every little display of vulnerability fake or “not good enough.”

            The man broke down and cried, on stage, in front of millions. Yet people will swear up and down that it was fake. That it was a PR stunt. That is not the behavior of someone willing to forgive. No apology, no amount of tears will ever be “good enough” for the public. Why? Because they don’t want to forgive. People can tell you otherwise, but they’re full of sh*t.

    • RisaPisa

      +1

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      Pleading guilty to the charge isn’t owning up to it. It’s not like he seemed really remorseful. When the altercation first occurred I chose not to judge either party. It wasn’t until his GMA interview and how he THREW A CHAIR OUT THE WINDOW! Um, RELAX. Rihanna may be all happy to get beat up but not everybody else feels the same way. And even in that situation I was like “let’s cut him some slack.” Then it dawned on me: he’s an adult. He should practice restraint. I can’t just throw things wherever and whenever I want. Come on. I get that he gets frustrated that people bring it up but the Media is a disgusting thing and looks for any excuse to bring people down. He falls for it because he’s a stupid little brat who swears he knows the game but really doesn’t.

      As for the “haters” who call for the death penalty because he beat Rihanna, that’s extreme. It’s also the easy way out.

      • Kidsister04

        Comedian Lil Duval said he wondered if CB screamed RADDDIIIIIOOOOOO as he threw the chair out of the window. Even as a die hard CB fan, I thought that was hilarious.

        • Angel Baby

          LOL where is the link to this comedy skit? bwahahahaha

  • naturalista88

    I just wish he & everyone else would STFU w/the back and forth about it; let that man lip sync his way into greatness/obscurity, and let the sh*t breathe.

    • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

      *steals this entire comment*

      • naturalista88

        Damn, a bish can’t get no royalties? *lol*

  • kid video

    I bet the makeup sex was intense…they probably been sexting for months before finally hooking back up.

    • nillalatte

      LOL.. and with that, I’m out. lamo

    • That Ugly Kid

      You bet it was. Regular make up sex is intense enough. But can you imagine what happens those two have make up sex? Especially after everything they’ve been through? I bet their sh*t will cause tidal waves big enough to swallow Japan, earthquakes strong enough to ravage Haiti, and guilt strong enough to make Tyler Perry come out the closet…

      • Chanelle

        “guilt strong enough to make Tyler Perry come out the closet…”
        Yeah ima go ahead and steal this line and pretend its mine……if you have any other lines you would like to provide me with you can leave them in the comments below…..thanks in advance

      • http://vanityinperil.com Vanity in Peril

        Where do I sign up for my fan-club tank top? Your comment made my morning? :D

        • That Ugly Kid

          Fan-club tank tops and matching panties will come to you in the mail. Spread the word…

      • erika

        oh how i cry!!!

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Sad, but true. Real talk though, this officially crosses Rihanna off the “Celebrities I want to Hump” list. I don’t mess with women that like makeup sex. It shows that a woman is too damn inhibited to enjoy sex, and I don’t want to have to argue over how you were 15 minutes to an event to get good smangage. Nah sir. No no no!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        I don’t mess with women that like makeup sex

        you realize you’re basically saying “i don’t mess with women,” right?

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Ya know what? I only have one wang anyway. If that means disqualifying 95% of the straight female population, so be it. If I hump the other 5%, I’m still #winning.

          Then again, this is someone who, prior to getting married, dumped women like George Steinbrenner fired managers in the 80s. I’m probably not the best example.

          • MJoy

            I hate/don’t have make-up sex. It doesn’t make sense to me. If you piss me off you don’t get none! Make me happy then we’ll have “we’re happy and in love and feelin freaky sex” not, “man you’re an asshole but I guess I’m over it sex”
            What?

            • Around the Way Girl

              Well that’s the thing….you have to make up first lol. Not just “get over it.” Make up sex is awesome when two people who love each other have genuinely made up. But picking fights and acting crazy just to have make up sex? Weak.

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        Todd, you’re funny. I was with a dude who loved make-up sex so much that it turned me off. Why must I argue with you to get you excited? Hell no that takes too much energy lol

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I think this is often part of the dysfunctional abusive relationship. Violence, honeymoon period, violence…

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        yes it is

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        It TRULY is. This is the basic domestic abuse couple pattern playing out to a TEE. People have made comparisons to Tina Turner with Rih’s new hairdo and it’s interesting just how many more comparisons there are. Les sighs.

      • http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mPYII0fFnN4/Svdp4D2c_NI/AAAAAAAAAKU/Qyc4PfqSkeY/s1600-h/dv+poster.jpg SupaSoulSista

        For the record, I hope both parties have healed & are moving on in a healthy manner. Remember forgiveness & self-love are powerful; let’s leave these young adults alone. Let’s focus on mentoring young people in our lives strengthen their level of self-love & self-respect.

        [The dv cycle was discussed & I wanted to give a bit more clarity. See the "domestic violence poster cycle" ( click on website). ]

      • http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mPYII0fFnN4/Svdp4D2c_NI/AAAAAAAAAKU/Qyc4PfqSkeY/s1600-h/dv+poster.jpg SupaSoulSista

        For the record, I hope both parties have healed & are moving on in a healthy manner. Remember forgiveness & self-love are powerful; let’s leave these young adults alone. Let’s focus on mentoring young people in our lives strengthen their level of self-love & self-respect.

        [The dv cycle was discussed & I wanted to give a bit more clarity. See the "domestic violence poster cycle" ( click on link below). ]

        http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mPYII0fFnN4/Svdp4D2c_NI/AAAAAAAAAKU/Qyc4PfqSkeY/s1600-h/dv+poster.jpg

    • Kidsister04

      I find it interesting that everyone assumes that they are back together. I think its nothing more than a publicity stunt. People can’t stop talking about them and thats always good for business.

  • http://www.successwealthstrategy.net Haston Lowman

    Rihanna has a right to forgive and forget. It cracks me up when people get all worked up about something that didn’t happen to them. If your man beats your ass and you don’t choose to get back with him then good for you, but if you decide to work it out that’s your business and you will have to live with your decision. If it backfires very few people will feel sorry for you, but apparently Ri-Ri isn’t too worried about that. Maybe the whole experience has helped them grow closer together. I don’t know but that’s between Rihanna and Chris… sh*t I got my own problems.

    • Pe. Riche.

      I have to agree. If she wants to go back to him, knowing what he is capable of, then that is her business, be it for better or worse. Do I think it’s a wise decision? Hell no. But then again, like you said I go my own damn problems.

    • Britico Chick

      But the reason why everyone is making so much noise about her forgiving him is because they are in the spotlight…it’s all this ‘role models’ nonsense – though they are far from being role models for me. I have to go with Champ’s thought that there is something disturbing about the latent message that if you’re good looking, you will be forgiven and it will work out for you. Unfortunately, that is the truth of life: it’s not fair.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I think the latent message is if you are White and male and a celebrity you will be forgiven, shoot people will pretend you didn’t do it or didn’t mean it when you did it.

      • Mo to tha

        I’m a little torn on this ‘message’. I understand that nobody wants to send the message that if you sing, dance and are one of the ‘beautiful people’ (see what I did there?!) then you can ‘get away’ with anything. Although lets be real…..do we not see that all the time?

        My issue is we also don’t want to send the message that once you make a mistake you can never move past it….that one mistake equals the end of any sort of success in your life.

        That’s where I struggle with this whole fascination with Chris Brown and Rihanna. Where is the fine line where we make sure that he knows in no uncertain terms that domestic violence is NEVER acceptable but that you can be forgiven for your mistakes?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Where is the fine line where we make sure that he knows in no uncertain terms that domestic violence is NEVER acceptable but that you can be forgiven for your mistakes?”

          good question

          • naijaglobetrotter

            To try an answer Champs ques, i think the line comes from trying to make sure these two stay away from each other. It is ok to forgive if she chooses and i think she should. But it is not ok to act like it never happened and go back to the way things were. Their people should have advised them to stay away from each other until they were at least in their late 20s. This allows time for both of them and the public to grow past the situation. If someone hurts you, the point is to forgive them for your sanity; and most importantly its ok to keep your distance from the person who hurt you. That is the message that young people need.

        • Jodz

          Yes, that is a very good question. Perhaps if he seemed genuinely sorry, it would help. If he toned down his raging outbursts, it would definitely help. He can make some PSAs, publicly discuss his anger management counseling, and just seem like he’s a changed man. I don’t follow Chris Brown, and I had no idea who he was till he beat Rihanna, but the littles bits that I’ve gathered about him over the years, don’t lead me to believe anything has changed with him.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          I think this is a question a victim of abuse would ask him/herself. My answer always comes back to a person’s actions. A person who is remorseful about abuse will seek out help, acknowledge the damage to the victim and will clearly admit to their act without blaming others. To me, a rigorous and successful attempt to change the pattern of behavior is the line.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I disagree with this. I think I’m madder at Rhianna because it offends me, personally, when a woman has the means to leave but stays with an abuser. I feel this way because there are women who could not leave, who would have run like hell if they could but they couldn’t.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        This is why its good to donate to domestic violence shelters…cellphones so they can call 911 and not be tracked…children’s clothes and women’s clothes because sometimes women leave with clothes on their back, and the abuser destroys their stuff.

        Sometimes it takes being a mother and witnessing her children’s pain, before a woman leaves. Rihanna has no children, so they don’t exist to sit and listen to the abuse, cover their ears, and be frightened by their dad hurting their mother.

      • Around the Way Girl

        Are they actually back together though? I think they did this song together to hype up their albums. We all know Chris needed the co-sign, and Rihanna just gets off on shocking people.

        Then again, what do I know.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          I heard on the radio they were, but I don’t know. I’m not sure how much of it is “dysfunctional relationship” and how much is “we need to sell these albums.” Seems like a perfect stunt though.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          That they’re back together is only speculation, and has not been proved or disproved to be the case.

      • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

        just because Rihanna has the financial means to “leave” doesnt mean she has the emotional or mental means to do so. she seems to be a very troubled young woman and from the looks of it, she is more likely to suffer a lot more trauma before she makes a conscious decision to walk away from this.

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        “I disagree with this. I think I’m madder at Rhianna because it offends me, personally, when a woman has the means to leave but stays with an abuser. I feel this way because there are women who could not leave, who would have run like hell if they could but they couldn’t.”

        BINGO.

      • Pretty Primadonna

        I am also highly offended by Rihanna’s actions in all this. I applaud her for forgiving CB and moving on with her life, but I don’t think a man who boxed her face in the way he did has ANY place in her life, professionally or otherwise. Dysfunction at its finest. My .08.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      ” It cracks me up when people get all worked up about something that didn’t happen to them. ”

      Yet we never know that for sure.

      And if Rihanna died or was injured to the point of hospitalization, then people would be saying how awful it is that she was beaten like that or how horrible that he lost it and hurt her like that.

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      I used to think it was only her business until he threw a damn chair out the window because he was mad. Then that became everybody’s business.

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      Rihanna does have the right to forgive whomever she pleases. My issue is not with her forgiving him. My issue is with him. I just don’t like him, plain and simple. Not only do I dislike him because of what he did to her, but I also dislike his attitude. In real life, I don’t like people like him. I can’t stand conceited, self-entitled, narcissistic idiots. Hell, I’ve lost a lot of friends, male and female, due to those personality traits. You can say I’m being judgmental. That I don’t know him well. You’re right, I don’t. Oh well lol.

  • http://thebrodiexp.blogspot.com Brodie

    I’ve been both conflicted and apathetic about this situation for a while. I’ve argued in the favor of people like Mike Vick that served their sentence for their crime and deserve a chance to continue to live in society. However, I refuse to support him because I can’t respect a dude that acts like he does. I don’t think him and Rihanna should be chilling, acting, singing, dancing, or sexing together ever again. She shouldn’t let him back in her life. But, its her life to live and it doesn’t affect me, so she can do what she wants. I just hope history doesn’t repeat itself.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      how do you feel about r.kelly?

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “However, I refuse to support him because I can’t respect a dude that acts like he does.”

      I have gotten irritated by how arrogant and entitled he’s been acting. Like, I get that you’re angry that people are angry, but he don’t think it’s at least a TAD bit justified? I’m not down with the mofos tryna crucify him and burn him to a stake, but that doesn’t mean — by default — that the ninja shouldn’t get some help. Crucifying him ain’t the answer, but neither is just leaving him alone.

      • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

        i agree. to call everyone who doesnt support him a “hater” is just delusional. i dont believe he’s truly received the help he needs and in the meantime, his rants and overly aggressive behavior is – to ME – a sign that he has no remorse and he feels entitled to do whatever the f*ck he wants.

        hell, i really like his music but its very difficult to support him when i think hes a bonafide d*ck head who refuses to grow up.

        R. Kelly on the other hand… hes a repeated offender and i DO NOT support him. i’m to the point where i cant even listen to songs i used to love when they come on the radio. kels makes my skin crawl and i am completely over him as an “artist”

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          I totally agree with you about RKelly. He disgusts me and always will. But I think you and I are in the minority on this issue. I was over at Clutch yesterday and there was a post about him performing at Whitney’s funeral. You should have seen the amount people, mostly women, defending him. It was disgusting and sad.

          • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

            UGH!! smh i just cant. and if Chris Brown continues down this path of IDGAF, i will feel about him the way i feel about Kels – disgust and complete and utter dislike. i hope he grows up and learns what accountability, humility, and compassion is really all about. i havent given up on him just yet…

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          Ameen, Gem Jones!

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Chris Brown is an example of a Black boy that doesn’t understand fully the consequences of his actions. His walking around surprised that folks are still angry with him for what he did makes it seem as if he doesn’t get that one part of forgiveness is that people have the right to forgive or to choose to never forgive any behavior they personally are upset by. No one is entitled forgiveness from everyone else simply because some people forgave them & are over the issue.

      • That Ugly Kid

        There is a difference between being left alone. And being attacked. In that regards I can understand why Chris has the outbursts he does. It’s not that he doesn’t feel remorse, or that he’s arrogant, it’s simply…he’s tired of it. Every single move he makes, people jump all over him and call him woman beater, coward, etc. No one is actually pulling him aside and saying, “Look man, you need to chill. Seek some consouling, I’ll come with if need be.” No. Just look at the Grammys. The kid can’t have a triumphant moment without people attacking him (which is why he responded the way he did).

        The guy is trying to move on with his life/career and people won’t stop attacking him. That’s the problem. That’s why he’s angry. Regardless of how you feel about the situation, attacking someone for the rest of their life isn’t going to solve anything. How are you going demand he change, to stop being so angry, when you continue to berate and provoke him? Makes no sense.

        • naturalista88

          But here’s the thing: people are gonna attack, berate, and belittle him until the day he dies; that’s the way life is. No it isn’t fair nor does it make the situation better, but he and others like him have to understand that to some people it doesn’t matter what you do or say because they will find something to say about you to make you seem like a terrible person. Besides, always being full of anger and having outbursts and temper tantrums isn’t healthy and it makes you sick both physically and mentally/emotionally.

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Exactly. And AS MANY people as there are attacking him there are people letting it go and defending him. AND people defending him by still making dangerous arse comments about how they want him to beat him because he fahn. Don’t see him going off about any of that now do we? There are always gonna be folks that don’t forgive him. Not everyone is gonna move on and there are no amount of tirades that’s gonna solve that.

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          “There is a difference between being left alone. And being attacked. In that regards I can understand why Chris has the outbursts he does.”

          Nope. Sorry. Don’t buy that. I speak as a person who has been on both sides of the equation. One time I let my anger get the best of me and I did something I shouldn’t. What did I do? I called the police on myself and owned up to what I did. Why? Because I could have exercised restraint. We are always going to come across people who are antagonistic and push our buttons. Doesn’t give us the right to put others in danger.

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      “However, I refuse to support him because I can’t respect a dude that acts like he does.”

      Exactly.

  • Dom

    Well I guess Im gonna play devils advocate in these here comments. I think it’s more than just a little ridiculous that a young woman can have her face beat to the point it’s unrecognizable, sit in an interview and claim to want to teach young fans a lesson about not tolerating domestic violence, and then turn around and continue to make music with the man who beat the crap out of her. The fact that so far the comments are so apathetic about this is disturbing to me. I really wonder how accepting people would be of CB if he’d busted their sister, daughter, or mothers face. Just because she forgave him doesn’t mean we all have to support their reconcillistion on wax.

    • Eric

      Trust me, we could tell it was Rihana’s face even AFTER the fight. She was recognizable.

      • DQ

        God forgive me, I laughed out loud at this comment… I shouldn’t have but I did… I still am. #Shame

    • naturalista88

      Reading your comment actually made me go back and reread mine; I do sound apathetic of the situation. I don’t mean to sound that way, it’s just that I am rather tired of one side of the debate talking about how he “Should rot in Hell” and “I hope some man makes him his b*tch one day.” Then, we got CBreeze ole whinin’ ass going off on his Twitter like it’s his second job trying to prove something to those crazy ass people. Nothing is getting solved w/all this back and forth; all it shows is that Chris has many issues that need to be worked out, and that no matter what you do/say, somebody’s gonna have some sh*t to say about it, so just put their asses on a N*gganore notice & be done.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Agreed. None of the extreme reactions are getting anyone anywhere but where they started. Which ain’t cool in a situation like this.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      Rihanna shouldn’t be putting her attention on a man who beat her and got in trouble with the law for it, yet she is. When or if she gets tired of the shoe hurting her foot, we hope she’ll take it off before worst things happen to her than that night with Chris or with another man (since she is so forgiving of abuse).

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Just because she forgave him doesn’t mean we all have to support their reconcillistion on wax.”

      interesting point