Ever since his infamous assault of then-girlfriend Rihanna, I’ve been captivated with Chris Brown, Rihanna, the myriad different stances people have adopted in regards to them, and the “Whys” behind these stances. Case in point: Along with my recent piece at Ebony, I’ve written about them — well, him in particular — at least four times in the three years since.
First there was “naked: chris brown and the sad plight of the scorned man” — an entry where I used their situation as a convenient segue to talk about how men dealing with effed up relationship situations usually don’t have any proverbial “shoulders to cry on.”
I followed that a few months later in something written about Tiger Woods and his wife, where I made mention of the fact that it seems like some of the people excusing Chris Brown for his role in the incident may not realize exactly how much bigger he is than Rihanna. Not that it should matter. A 5’6” man can inflict just as much damage as a 6’6” man can. But, I thought (and still do think) that some people hear the name “Chris Brown” and immediately think skinny, dancing-ass, teenage pop star, not 6’2” man with muscles formed from years of dancing and working out. Basically, in their minds, him vs Rihanna was a fair fight, but in actuality he dwarfs her in size.
Next, I made mention of them making a “movie” together in “A Sneak-Peek Into “Tyler Perry’s Love Jones.”
And, by the time “Seven Reasons Why I’m Totally Not Upset About Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” Movie” was written a few months ago, you could begin to sense my exasperation with this discussion. In a matter of a couple years, I went from “this is some serious sh*t” to “I know it’s serious, but I don’t really give a damn anymore”
“Back to Blonde Breezy. Although I’ve been very critical of Chris Brown’s “redemption” in the past, I think I’ve officially reached the “not a single f*ck was given” point regarding whatever the hell happened that infamous night on the way to the Grammys. Apparently, time heals all wounds and all self-righteous indignations.
But, what remains completely fascinating is how both him and Rihanna have gotten progressively weirder and progressively more famous since that night. Maybe instead of a fight that night, they actually went through the Illuminati’s application and pledging process. Who knows?
I do know, though, that somewhere out there (probably on Mars), Andre 3000 and Erykah Badu are kicking themselves. They already had the weird part down pact. Who knew that all they had to do to keep people actually buying their albums was jab each other a couple times while riding in one of their spaceships?”
I guess today’s entry is me coming full-circle. As you may have guessed, I am fascinated again. Now, though, the best word to describe my feelings about Chris Brown is ambivalent.
From the perspective of a person who follows, studies, appreciates, and, sh*t, depends on pop culture, I’m elated that Breezy and Ri-Ri are making music (and, possibly, love) together again. I don’t give a damn about the “Birthday Cake” song itself (I haven’t even listened to it yet), but I will be tuned in to read, watch, listen to, and attempt to deconstruct people’s reactions to it. For a person who writes about pop culture for a living, you couldn’t ask for a better, more layered story.
But, from the perspective of a man who used to be an educator and knows exactly how damaging the latent message of “It’s ok to beat up your girl as long as you’re handsome and popular because everyone, including her, will forgive you shortly anyway” can (and will) have on their millions of young fans, their very public reconciliation rubs me the wrong way.
Right now, Chris Brown is having his birthday cake and eating it too. And, along with the Gotdamn Idiot factor, I think much of the push back is due to the fact that it just doesn’t seem fair for him to be able to do that. People upset at the situation are interested in and deeply invested in concepts like justice, and karma, and comeuppance, and seeing a person do dirt and still succeed in spite of it is a severe rebuke of the way they see the world.
On the other hand, that — Life just aint f*cking fair. Get used to it. — could be a teachable lesson in itself. Perhaps it’s not a bad thing to teach kids at an early age that popular guys and pretty girls will have advantages that normal folks just don’t. I mean, I’m sure they see it play out in front of them every day, and they’re probably tired of hearing “all people have the same chance” from their teachers and parents anyway. Why not be real with them now instead of setting them up for a lifetime’s worth of disappointment?
I don’t know. I don’t have any answers to any of these questions. I don’t know which side of me — the writer or the human — will win out. Sh*t, I don’t even know if the writer and the human are separate entities. I do know, though, that this will not be the last time I devote space to Chris Brown, and I’m concerned with how easily I’m beginning to be able to write something and feel nothing.
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)
Here’s what fascinates me about Chris Brown and Rihanna – OTHER peoples fascination with them. I mean, Miranda Lambert getting all worked up at the Grammys (even though she did a tribute to Glen Campbell who’s been beating women 2 or CB’s lifetimes), Elisabeth Hasslebeck crying over her on the view, etc. Like, you don’t know these folks, why are y’all so emotional about them? How does this affect YOU? My 2 cs
+1, Miranda Lambert ticked me off so bad with her stupid comments.
And the other person I forgot to include – Jack Osbourne. Ozzy beat the isht out of his 1st wife, and beat Sharon for 15 years until he sobered up. Maybe in 2042, Chris and Rihanna will be the new Osbournes
Ozzy also almost choked Sharon to death and would have succeeded had it not been for the panic button in their home. WTF? Yes, a panic button. Ike and Tina didn even have that sh*t in their home…what they get? A reality show and two chubby kids now one juice cleanse away from modeldom…i think. And the third daughter who stays oout of the black light lime light that is the Ozzys…y do I know this?
I think that those situations speak to the dysfunction that exists in relationships that have had abuse. Violence in the home will always be a family issue, because it impacts everybody in the family unit and how their lives change or stay the same.
Yeah but because Jack’s seen it first-hand he should condemn it, don’t you think?
Do you go in the media and condemn your parents’ dysfunction? I ask, not to be disrespectful but to attempt to understand where you’re coming from.
Most people don’t call their parents to task in the media. (Maybe in private conversations with them, maybe legally, but not in the media)
What would it serve for Jack to use the media to prove anything? To prove that his father used to abuse his mother? To prove that his mother changed? That to me would be creating a dysfunctional relationship with the media — as Jack would already know his father abused his mother and would already know the outcome of things at his home.
I would totally understand though if Jack went into the media as an adult (not as the child he was) immediately after such an incident of violence had occured, especially if he felt that it would lead to his father getting help or his mother leaving his father for her safety.
But outside of that, I really doubt that people who are in dysfunctional relationships are “wise” and able to disassociate their emotional enmeshment with the situation to speak out against domestic violence. You have to heal before you can speak out about domestic violence if you were the person abused or who witnessed the abuse.
I don’t know if your response was meant for me but what I meant about Jack seeing it first-hand meaning that he should condemn it was referring to him condemning other men for doing that (aka Chris Brown), not necessarily his father. Though I think he should condemn his father for abusing his mother for so many years I understand that some people might not want to throw shade on their parents publicly.
+2 But what is spawning is this is social media where everyone has a comment/opinion on anything and everything – including us. LOL.
What she said x 1000
I mean, Miranda Lambert getting all worked up at the Grammys (even though she did a tribute to Glen Campbell who’s been beating women 2 or CB’s lifetimes), Elisabeth Hasslebeck crying over her on the view, etc. Like, you don’t know these folks, why are y’all so emotional about them? How does this affect YOU? My 2 cs
there are many possible reasons for this, but, since i love the race card, my favorite is that it’s somewhat race-based. for instance, did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?
yet, you don’t hear the same level of animus in regards to him that you do with Chris Brown.
“there are many possible reasons for this, but, since i love the race card, my favorite is that it’s somewhat race-based. for instance, did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?
yet, you don’t hear the same level of animus in regards to him that you do with Chris Brown.”
That’s because Fassbender isn’t a household name.
And the director of Shame is pissed because neither Michael nor the film got any recognition from SAG or the Academy even though the film was praised by the critics and they say this is in part because of his negative reputation.
The real tell will come to see what future projects he gets to work on ~JS
Bingo.
Not that it’s ever ok for a man to beat a woman, but yeah.
People get self-righteous when it comes to the issue of domestic violence…White people’s racism comes out on this issue (remember the response of the While community when OJ Simpson was acquited?).
We already know how the sexism & misogynism came out in the Black community when the news broke about Chris and Rhianna. There was a definite split between Black folks who were pissed that he punched her and bit her with his big ass teeth and Black folks who defended what Chris did.
“for instance, did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?”
I DIDN’T know that at all! I mean, he doesn’t have the same level of fame as Chris Brown right now, but like you said, he is an “IT” actor (someone I think is very talented thus very disappointed to read this news). Interesting…
did you know that new “it” actor michael fassbender was accused of beating his girlfriend, and dragging her through the street?
And I don’t like him either. I don’t get the fascination with him. Yes, it is a race thing with most of America. It’s not a race thing with me. I could care less whether or not Chris Brown was Black or Latino or Asian I don’t like him period.
Of course, with Fassbender, it’s still SPECULATION. I don’t care what it is. I see the double standard.
@IAYP
i think the CB – Rih Rih thing are being made a huge deal of may be based on race (as Champ mentioned) but also has a lot to do with BOTH ppl in the relationship are huge stars. both are in the public eye so we’ve had a glance at the victim, the abuser, and the aftermath (re: the apology
bowtie & sweater, the diane sawyer interview, their continued lucrative careers, etc).its easy to ignore/forget about nancy whatsherface being abused when we have no real clue who nancy (or is is suzy?) whoeversheis is. as consumers of entertainment, we’d rather not know the nameless ppl who are being hurt and mistreated by their uber popular mates. smh
Miranda Lambert’s husband did the tribute, not her. I don’t think her comments are stupid, I just won’t go ahead and say TEAM LAMBERT. I’m TEAM ANTI-DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. She can be hypocritical all she wants it’s not like her opinion affects or influences mine. I still don’t like Chris Brown whether she loves him or not.
I listened to the song today and honestly I haven’t been this disturbed by a song since Plies’ Get it Wet. I’ve listened to dirty songs before but this one was just weird because this is their first song together since the beating and they are already singing about screwing…like where was the reconciliation. I know it is technically a private matter but they and the police publicized it and Rihanna spoke about it in interviews so you would expect something but no…they jump right back into bed lol. I kind of feel bad for Chris’s girl and Drake right now….both them have to feel a bit pissed
Wait Rhianna is dating Drake? I thought they were just friends?
Naw she wasn’t dating Drake…she friendzoned him lol
” friendzoned him” LOL ! Off topic but Drake is not cute to me! I’ll friendzone him to! LOL
i think drake is too preoccupied with his neverending cadre of video chicks and strippers
And paying for air fare.
“I listened to the song today and honestly I haven’t been this disturbed by a song since Plies’ Get it Wet.”
See your first mistake was listening to Plies
I made the mistake of Googling Plies’ “Get You Wet”. Those are 15 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. The foolishness…it BURNS!
“…and honestly I haven’t been this disturbed by a song since Plies’ Get it Wet”
you obviously never heard rza’s “domestic violence”
What makes Domestic Violence a little sad for me is that I heard three separate couples yesterday who were having arguments that were very similar to the song…that’s too real
“you aint sh*t/your momma aint sh*t”
I was thinking the same thing. “You beat my azz now come get this cake” – really? And the remix just sucks.
Yeah, I listened to “Cake” last night and just felt icky. The “Turn Up the Music” remix works though.
Btw, I love your name, Cheech! I’m jealous I didn’t think of it.
I liked it when it was just a snippet on her album and having CB on the remix is definitely my icing on the cake
*sings* its not even my birthday
Thank you lol….it was one of the hundred of nicknames I’ve gotten ever I started school lol
I don’t really care about them or their situation one way or the other. Their drama has provided us with plenty of fodder for laughs, lessons about writing checks you arse can’t cash and pickin fights in appropriate places…but thats all its been to me. There are plenty of women (and some men too) getting their arse kicked everyday by their friends, family, and/or significant others…i don’t see too many people taking to the streets on their behalf.
Wish people would stop idolizing folks
There are plenty of women (and some men too) getting their arse kicked everyday by their friends, family, and/or significant others…i don’t see too many people taking to the streets on their behalf
damn. tell us how you really feel
I think I’m biased by the fact that Chris is WAY more talented than Rihanna. He was way wrong, but to make Rihanna into some sort of domestic violence example is just wrong. they aint even close to a Ike and Tina. I doubt it would have even made the news the way it did had it not been right before the Grammys.
“I doubt it would have even made the news the way it did had it not been right before the Grammys.”
so a pop star getting her face beaten to a pulp by her pop star boyfriend wouldn’t have made the news?
” so a pop star getting her face beaten to a pulp by her pop star boyfriend wouldn’t have made the news?”
If she was White and he was White, their PR would cover the shit up. Or paint her as a mentally imbalanced White woman.
And if the news leaks to the press, there will be an “upstanding White person” to speak positively on behalf of the White male abuser in the scenerio coughs *Hugh Hefner* cough
Free my comment please.
If she was White and he was White, their PR would cover the shit up. Or paint her as a mentally imbalanced White woman.
eh. i doubt that. i think it would have been an even bigger story.
You’d be surprised the White celebrities who keep their shyt on the hush hush…drugs, abuse kept out of the media if they pay them enough or pull enough strings.
Well why did I just recently hear about Madonna getting her butt whooped by Sean Penn. Maybe I was too young to care about Madonna’s personal life…that and we didn’t have the inanet back then to spread info around like we do now.
Eventually the public gets over it, or just have really good “people.”
You know what’s funny? Sean Penn’s abusive ways still gets swept under the rug. When Sean was with Madonna, his abusiveness never came to light. THe media would hint around his temper and say that he was angry with the papparazzi. Yet the media still did Madonna a favor by not letting out that Sean Penn solves problems with women with his fists.
I think that part of the reason this story was so big is that it involved Rhianna, one of pop music’s crossover stars. If the female had been, say….Olivia or Teierra (sp?) Marie, I have a feeling the story wouldn’t have been nearly as big. You have to be a ninja that white people care about for them to get so up in arms.
You’re correct. Teyana Taylor getting beat up by a director only made Black news. JayZ shoving a woman’s face on video floating around never will make it to mainstream media.
Let JayZ interrupt a well-loved White celebrity and its over. But he can get away with talking about Black women in kinda negative way he wishes in the media.
I think if Jay hit Beyonce! Now that whould be news! Hell if he get a divorce from Beyonce that would be a end to his career!
I think I’m biased by the fact that Chris is WAY more talented than Rihanna. He was way wrong, but to make Rihanna into some sort of domestic violence example is just wrong. they aint even close to a Ike and Tina. I doubt it would have even made the news the way it did had it not been right before the Grammys.
(o_O)
i have some questions…
1 – what does their talent (or lack thereof) have to do with ANYTHING as it relates to physical abuse?
2 – how is it wrong that Rihanna has been made into an “example of domestic violence”? she did in fact have her face beaten bloody and bruised by her boyfriend.
3 – no, they arent Ike and Tina. theyre Chris and Rih Rih. whats your point???????
4 – how would this situation occurring outside of the Grammy’s setting changed anything? a male star beating the sh*t out of a female star isnt news worthy?
+1000 on this. Everybody else completely skipped the HUGELY appalling first comment about talent.
I have no words for how disappointing that was to read, so thank you for yours.
+1000 on this. Everybody else completely skipped the HUGELY appalling first comment about talent.
I have no words for how disappointing that was to read, so thank you for yours.
I might sound like a d*ck, but I believe people need to leave the Chris and Rihanna situation alone. He did what he did, owned up to it, and dealt with the consequences. And it apologized for it. People can question the sincerity (or strength) of his apology all they want. They aren’t the victim. Your opinion, on his apology, to RIHANNA, is irrelevent. I see all kinds of asinine comments like “Chris is trash and deserves life in prison” or my personal favorite “Chris deserves the death penalty.”
Life Sentence? Death Penalty? For what? I know I’m probably gonna catch flak for this but I have a secret. Beating a woman is not the worse crime. Stop acting like it. In world that has homicide, genocide, rape, child molestation, etc…beating a woman is not the worse thing one human can do to another. Am I saying beating a woman isn’t horrible? Nope. It is very horrible. But to refuse to forgive a man when he could’ve done something MUCH worse, is ludicrous. Bruises heal. A dead man can’t return to life.
+1, yup, I’m kind of tired hearing about it too. I’ve worked with victims of domestic violence and believe me what Chris did is relatively nothing compared to the abuse others have inflicted– and some of the women go back to their abusers often.
What this does it highlight the ugly side of dysfunctional relationships. A one time physical ‘beat down’ does not an abuser make. And, I think Chris was served a lot of extra time due to his fame because I’ve seen abusers do more and get less time than him. #CostOfFame
“A one time physical ‘beat down’ does not an abuser make.”
According to Rihanna, this wasn’t the first time he had hit her.
“I see all kinds of asinine comments like “Chris is trash and deserves life in prison” or my personal favorite “Chris deserves the death penalty.”
i think people saying things like this are just looking for attention
He did what he did, owned up to it, and dealt with the consequences. And it apologized for it.
did he own up to it??? i dont ever remember this. and i watched “the apology” AND his interview with larry king. never once did he admit to BEATING rihanna. in fact, he refused to address the details of the incident at all and i believe said the night was a blur. (-_-) for rihanna and her swollen eyes, im sure. saying sorry for “things that transpired” is hardly what i would consider owning up to what he did. saying “im sorry i beat the sh*t out of my girlfriend because i was angry and out of control” would have been more of an admittance.
and did he deal with the consequences?? i dont remember him having to suffer any, aside from a few ads/performances pulled here and there…. accepting a plea that requires “community service” and some “dv counseling” is nothing.
His consequences were people talking badly about him. That’s hardly horrible. If the worst he has to deal with is people talking badly about him on the internet and in the media, then he’s very sheltered.
He didn’t deny it. And I do recall in the interview that he said he was shocked when he saw pictures of Rih’s face and that he did that to her. And as I said above, whether or not YOU think his apology was good enough (on tv nonetheless) is irrelevent. This is not about you. It’s about Rihanna. And whose to say he didn’t deliver a more hearfelt apology to Rih in private. During a text? In person after she dropped the retraining order? You don’t know. All you have, is what the media shows. Which is why this whole thing is idiotic. We have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors.
As far as consequences go, he served them. Again, whether or not you thought they were harsh enough? Irrelevent. You aren’t the Judge. The judge felt that whatever ruling he/she had given would be punishment enough. And CB took it and lived with it. Like it or not.
nd as I said above, whether or not YOU think his apology was good enough (on tv nonetheless) is irrelevent.
sweetie, 1st of all no one is talking about “good enough”. HE DID NOT OWN UP TO WHAT HE DID. saying “i cant believe i did that to her face” is not the same as “i did that to her face and for that im sorry”.
2nd, no one is claiming to know what has gone on between the 2 of them behind closed doors. Rihanna is free to forgive and forget as she pleases. but for the PUBLIC to forgive him, yes he does need to admit PUBLICLY to what he did for their forgiveness. and clearly a lot of ppl arent ready to forgive OR forget because he hasnt owned up to it or shown behavior that would say he deserves to be back in the public’s good graces. and if thats how he wants to roll, thats fine. EYE dont HAVE TO forgive anybody that i dont think has shown ME that they are sorry, remorseful, and willing to change. (same applies to Mr. Eddie Long).
+ 1
Except, the problem with what you’re saying is, you act like the public WANTS to forgive him IF he shows remorse, etc. This is blatantly false. Remember when CB did MJ’s “Man In The Mirror” performance and broke down and cried? Now, remember the public’s reaction to it. Everyone screamed it was fake. Those were fake tears, etc. You can (along with others) pretend that you WANT to forgive him, but the truth is, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t ridicule every little thing he does (not saying you specifically, also not saying you should co-sign everything either). You wouldn’t label every little display of vulnerability fake or “not good enough.”
The man broke down and cried, on stage, in front of millions. Yet people will swear up and down that it was fake. That it was a PR stunt. That is not the behavior of someone willing to forgive. No apology, no amount of tears will ever be “good enough” for the public. Why? Because they don’t want to forgive. People can tell you otherwise, but they’re full of sh*t.
+1
Pleading guilty to the charge isn’t owning up to it. It’s not like he seemed really remorseful. When the altercation first occurred I chose not to judge either party. It wasn’t until his GMA interview and how he THREW A CHAIR OUT THE WINDOW! Um, RELAX. Rihanna may be all happy to get beat up but not everybody else feels the same way. And even in that situation I was like “let’s cut him some slack.” Then it dawned on me: he’s an adult. He should practice restraint. I can’t just throw things wherever and whenever I want. Come on. I get that he gets frustrated that people bring it up but the Media is a disgusting thing and looks for any excuse to bring people down. He falls for it because he’s a stupid little brat who swears he knows the game but really doesn’t.
As for the “haters” who call for the death penalty because he beat Rihanna, that’s extreme. It’s also the easy way out.
Comedian Lil Duval said he wondered if CB screamed RADDDIIIIIOOOOOO as he threw the chair out of the window. Even as a die hard CB fan, I thought that was hilarious.
LOL where is the link to this comedy skit? bwahahahaha
I just wish he & everyone else would STFU w/the back and forth about it; let that man lip sync his way into greatness/obscurity, and let the sh*t breathe.
*steals this entire comment*
Damn, a bish can’t get no royalties? *lol*
I bet the makeup sex was intense…they probably been sexting for months before finally hooking back up.
LOL.. and with that, I’m out. lamo
You bet it was. Regular make up sex is intense enough. But can you imagine what happens those two have make up sex? Especially after everything they’ve been through? I bet their sh*t will cause tidal waves big enough to swallow Japan, earthquakes strong enough to ravage Haiti, and guilt strong enough to make Tyler Perry come out the closet…
“guilt strong enough to make Tyler Perry come out the closet…”
Yeah ima go ahead and steal this line and pretend its mine……if you have any other lines you would like to provide me with you can leave them in the comments below…..thanks in advance
Where do I sign up for my fan-club tank top? Your comment made my morning?
Fan-club tank tops and matching panties will come to you in the mail. Spread the word…
oh how i cry!!!
Sad, but true. Real talk though, this officially crosses Rihanna off the “Celebrities I want to Hump” list. I don’t mess with women that like makeup sex. It shows that a woman is too damn inhibited to enjoy sex, and I don’t want to have to argue over how you were 15 minutes to an event to get good smangage. Nah sir. No no no!
I don’t mess with women that like makeup sex
you realize you’re basically saying “i don’t mess with women,” right?
Ya know what? I only have one wang anyway. If that means disqualifying 95% of the straight female population, so be it. If I hump the other 5%, I’m still #winning.
Then again, this is someone who, prior to getting married, dumped women like George Steinbrenner fired managers in the 80s. I’m probably not the best example.
I hate/don’t have make-up sex. It doesn’t make sense to me. If you piss me off you don’t get none! Make me happy then we’ll have “we’re happy and in love and feelin freaky sex” not, “man you’re an asshole but I guess I’m over it sex”
What?
Well that’s the thing….you have to make up first lol. Not just “get over it.” Make up sex is awesome when two people who love each other have genuinely made up. But picking fights and acting crazy just to have make up sex? Weak.
Todd, you’re funny. I was with a dude who loved make-up sex so much that it turned me off. Why must I argue with you to get you excited? Hell no that takes too much energy lol
I think this is often part of the dysfunctional abusive relationship. Violence, honeymoon period, violence…
yes it is
It TRULY is. This is the basic domestic abuse couple pattern playing out to a TEE. People have made comparisons to Tina Turner with Rih’s new hairdo and it’s interesting just how many more comparisons there are. Les sighs.
For the record, I hope both parties have healed & are moving on in a healthy manner. Remember forgiveness & self-love are powerful; let’s leave these young adults alone. Let’s focus on mentoring young people in our lives strengthen their level of self-love & self-respect.
[The dv cycle was discussed & I wanted to give a bit more clarity. See the "domestic violence poster cycle" ( click on website). ]
For the record, I hope both parties have healed & are moving on in a healthy manner. Remember forgiveness & self-love are powerful; let’s leave these young adults alone. Let’s focus on mentoring young people in our lives strengthen their level of self-love & self-respect.
[The dv cycle was discussed & I wanted to give a bit more clarity. See the "domestic violence poster cycle" ( click on link below). ]
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mPYII0fFnN4/Svdp4D2c_NI/AAAAAAAAAKU/Qyc4PfqSkeY/s1600-h/dv+poster.jpg
I find it interesting that everyone assumes that they are back together. I think its nothing more than a publicity stunt. People can’t stop talking about them and thats always good for business.
Rihanna has a right to forgive and forget. It cracks me up when people get all worked up about something that didn’t happen to them. If your man beats your ass and you don’t choose to get back with him then good for you, but if you decide to work it out that’s your business and you will have to live with your decision. If it backfires very few people will feel sorry for you, but apparently Ri-Ri isn’t too worried about that. Maybe the whole experience has helped them grow closer together. I don’t know but that’s between Rihanna and Chris… sh*t I got my own problems.
I have to agree. If she wants to go back to him, knowing what he is capable of, then that is her business, be it for better or worse. Do I think it’s a wise decision? Hell no. But then again, like you said I go my own damn problems.
But the reason why everyone is making so much noise about her forgiving him is because they are in the spotlight…it’s all this ‘role models’ nonsense – though they are far from being role models for me. I have to go with Champ’s thought that there is something disturbing about the latent message that if you’re good looking, you will be forgiven and it will work out for you. Unfortunately, that is the truth of life: it’s not fair.
I think the latent message is if you are White and male and a celebrity you will be forgiven, shoot people will pretend you didn’t do it or didn’t mean it when you did it.
I’m a little torn on this ‘message’. I understand that nobody wants to send the message that if you sing, dance and are one of the ‘beautiful people’ (see what I did there?!) then you can ‘get away’ with anything. Although lets be real…..do we not see that all the time?
My issue is we also don’t want to send the message that once you make a mistake you can never move past it….that one mistake equals the end of any sort of success in your life.
That’s where I struggle with this whole fascination with Chris Brown and Rihanna. Where is the fine line where we make sure that he knows in no uncertain terms that domestic violence is NEVER acceptable but that you can be forgiven for your mistakes?
“Where is the fine line where we make sure that he knows in no uncertain terms that domestic violence is NEVER acceptable but that you can be forgiven for your mistakes?”
good question
To try an answer Champs ques, i think the line comes from trying to make sure these two stay away from each other. It is ok to forgive if she chooses and i think she should. But it is not ok to act like it never happened and go back to the way things were. Their people should have advised them to stay away from each other until they were at least in their late 20s. This allows time for both of them and the public to grow past the situation. If someone hurts you, the point is to forgive them for your sanity; and most importantly its ok to keep your distance from the person who hurt you. That is the message that young people need.
Yes, that is a very good question. Perhaps if he seemed genuinely sorry, it would help. If he toned down his raging outbursts, it would definitely help. He can make some PSAs, publicly discuss his anger management counseling, and just seem like he’s a changed man. I don’t follow Chris Brown, and I had no idea who he was till he beat Rihanna, but the littles bits that I’ve gathered about him over the years, don’t lead me to believe anything has changed with him.
I think this is a question a victim of abuse would ask him/herself. My answer always comes back to a person’s actions. A person who is remorseful about abuse will seek out help, acknowledge the damage to the victim and will clearly admit to their act without blaming others. To me, a rigorous and successful attempt to change the pattern of behavior is the line.
I disagree with this. I think I’m madder at Rhianna because it offends me, personally, when a woman has the means to leave but stays with an abuser. I feel this way because there are women who could not leave, who would have run like hell if they could but they couldn’t.
This is why its good to donate to domestic violence shelters…cellphones so they can call 911 and not be tracked…children’s clothes and women’s clothes because sometimes women leave with clothes on their back, and the abuser destroys their stuff.
Sometimes it takes being a mother and witnessing her children’s pain, before a woman leaves. Rihanna has no children, so they don’t exist to sit and listen to the abuse, cover their ears, and be frightened by their dad hurting their mother.
Are they actually back together though? I think they did this song together to hype up their albums. We all know Chris needed the co-sign, and Rihanna just gets off on shocking people.
Then again, what do I know.
I heard on the radio they were, but I don’t know. I’m not sure how much of it is “dysfunctional relationship” and how much is “we need to sell these albums.” Seems like a perfect stunt though.
That they’re back together is only speculation, and has not been proved or disproved to be the case.
just because Rihanna has the financial means to “leave” doesnt mean she has the emotional or mental means to do so. she seems to be a very troubled young woman and from the looks of it, she is more likely to suffer a lot more trauma before she makes a conscious decision to walk away from this.
“I disagree with this. I think I’m madder at Rhianna because it offends me, personally, when a woman has the means to leave but stays with an abuser. I feel this way because there are women who could not leave, who would have run like hell if they could but they couldn’t.”
BINGO.
I am also highly offended by Rihanna’s actions in all this. I applaud her for forgiving CB and moving on with her life, but I don’t think a man who boxed her face in the way he did has ANY place in her life, professionally or otherwise. Dysfunction at its finest. My .08.
” It cracks me up when people get all worked up about something that didn’t happen to them. ”
Yet we never know that for sure.
And if Rihanna died or was injured to the point of hospitalization, then people would be saying how awful it is that she was beaten like that or how horrible that he lost it and hurt her like that.
I used to think it was only her business until he threw a damn chair out the window because he was mad. Then that became everybody’s business.
Rihanna does have the right to forgive whomever she pleases. My issue is not with her forgiving him. My issue is with him. I just don’t like him, plain and simple. Not only do I dislike him because of what he did to her, but I also dislike his attitude. In real life, I don’t like people like him. I can’t stand conceited, self-entitled, narcissistic idiots. Hell, I’ve lost a lot of friends, male and female, due to those personality traits. You can say I’m being judgmental. That I don’t know him well. You’re right, I don’t. Oh well lol.
I’ve been both conflicted and apathetic about this situation for a while. I’ve argued in the favor of people like Mike Vick that served their sentence for their crime and deserve a chance to continue to live in society. However, I refuse to support him because I can’t respect a dude that acts like he does. I don’t think him and Rihanna should be chilling, acting, singing, dancing, or sexing together ever again. She shouldn’t let him back in her life. But, its her life to live and it doesn’t affect me, so she can do what she wants. I just hope history doesn’t repeat itself.
how do you feel about r.kelly?
“However, I refuse to support him because I can’t respect a dude that acts like he does.”
I have gotten irritated by how arrogant and entitled he’s been acting. Like, I get that you’re angry that people are angry, but he don’t think it’s at least a TAD bit justified? I’m not down with the mofos tryna crucify him and burn him to a stake, but that doesn’t mean — by default — that the ninja shouldn’t get some help. Crucifying him ain’t the answer, but neither is just leaving him alone.
i agree. to call everyone who doesnt support him a “hater” is just delusional. i dont believe he’s truly received the help he needs and in the meantime, his rants and overly aggressive behavior is – to ME – a sign that he has no remorse and he feels entitled to do whatever the f*ck he wants.
hell, i really like his music but its very difficult to support him when i think hes a bonafide d*ck head who refuses to grow up.
R. Kelly on the other hand… hes a repeated offender and i DO NOT support him. i’m to the point where i cant even listen to songs i used to love when they come on the radio. kels makes my skin crawl and i am completely over him as an “artist”
I totally agree with you about RKelly. He disgusts me and always will. But I think you and I are in the minority on this issue. I was over at Clutch yesterday and there was a post about him performing at Whitney’s funeral. You should have seen the amount people, mostly women, defending him. It was disgusting and sad.
UGH!! smh i just cant. and if Chris Brown continues down this path of IDGAF, i will feel about him the way i feel about Kels – disgust and complete and utter dislike. i hope he grows up and learns what accountability, humility, and compassion is really all about. i havent given up on him just yet…
Ameen, Gem Jones!
Chris Brown is an example of a Black boy that doesn’t understand fully the consequences of his actions. His walking around surprised that folks are still angry with him for what he did makes it seem as if he doesn’t get that one part of forgiveness is that people have the right to forgive or to choose to never forgive any behavior they personally are upset by. No one is entitled forgiveness from everyone else simply because some people forgave them & are over the issue.
There is a difference between being left alone. And being attacked. In that regards I can understand why Chris has the outbursts he does. It’s not that he doesn’t feel remorse, or that he’s arrogant, it’s simply…he’s tired of it. Every single move he makes, people jump all over him and call him woman beater, coward, etc. No one is actually pulling him aside and saying, “Look man, you need to chill. Seek some consouling, I’ll come with if need be.” No. Just look at the Grammys. The kid can’t have a triumphant moment without people attacking him (which is why he responded the way he did).
The guy is trying to move on with his life/career and people won’t stop attacking him. That’s the problem. That’s why he’s angry. Regardless of how you feel about the situation, attacking someone for the rest of their life isn’t going to solve anything. How are you going demand he change, to stop being so angry, when you continue to berate and provoke him? Makes no sense.
But here’s the thing: people are gonna attack, berate, and belittle him until the day he dies; that’s the way life is. No it isn’t fair nor does it make the situation better, but he and others like him have to understand that to some people it doesn’t matter what you do or say because they will find something to say about you to make you seem like a terrible person. Besides, always being full of anger and having outbursts and temper tantrums isn’t healthy and it makes you sick both physically and mentally/emotionally.
Exactly. And AS MANY people as there are attacking him there are people letting it go and defending him. AND people defending him by still making dangerous arse comments about how they want him to beat him because he fahn. Don’t see him going off about any of that now do we? There are always gonna be folks that don’t forgive him. Not everyone is gonna move on and there are no amount of tirades that’s gonna solve that.
“There is a difference between being left alone. And being attacked. In that regards I can understand why Chris has the outbursts he does.”
Nope. Sorry. Don’t buy that. I speak as a person who has been on both sides of the equation. One time I let my anger get the best of me and I did something I shouldn’t. What did I do? I called the police on myself and owned up to what I did. Why? Because I could have exercised restraint. We are always going to come across people who are antagonistic and push our buttons. Doesn’t give us the right to put others in danger.
“However, I refuse to support him because I can’t respect a dude that acts like he does.”
Exactly.
Well I guess Im gonna play devils advocate in these here comments. I think it’s more than just a little ridiculous that a young woman can have her face beat to the point it’s unrecognizable, sit in an interview and claim to want to teach young fans a lesson about not tolerating domestic violence, and then turn around and continue to make music with the man who beat the crap out of her. The fact that so far the comments are so apathetic about this is disturbing to me. I really wonder how accepting people would be of CB if he’d busted their sister, daughter, or mothers face. Just because she forgave him doesn’t mean we all have to support their reconcillistion on wax.
Trust me, we could tell it was Rihana’s face even AFTER the fight. She was recognizable.
God forgive me, I laughed out loud at this comment… I shouldn’t have but I did… I still am. #Shame
Reading your comment actually made me go back and reread mine; I do sound apathetic of the situation. I don’t mean to sound that way, it’s just that I am rather tired of one side of the debate talking about how he “Should rot in Hell” and “I hope some man makes him his b*tch one day.” Then, we got CBreeze ole whinin’ ass going off on his Twitter like it’s his second job trying to prove something to those crazy ass people. Nothing is getting solved w/all this back and forth; all it shows is that Chris has many issues that need to be worked out, and that no matter what you do/say, somebody’s gonna have some sh*t to say about it, so just put their asses on a N*gganore notice & be done.
Agreed. None of the extreme reactions are getting anyone anywhere but where they started. Which ain’t cool in a situation like this.
Rihanna shouldn’t be putting her attention on a man who beat her and got in trouble with the law for it, yet she is. When or if she gets tired of the shoe hurting her foot, we hope she’ll take it off before worst things happen to her than that night with Chris or with another man (since she is so forgiving of abuse).
“Just because she forgave him doesn’t mean we all have to support their reconcillistion on wax.”
interesting point
I wonder if Rhianna music career is gone to take a dive after this? She got a nice victim pass. Why mess that up?
I was thinking the opposite -that this was a stunt for sales since her last album underpeformed
She released an album? When the f*ck did this happen?
“her last album underpeformed”
it did?i thought she was setting billboard records. or, did the success of her singles not translate to the album?
Yeah, her singles always go straight to the top 10, but supposedly her albums never do as well as expected. She hasn’t proved herself to be able to put together a solid album yet.
I’m a fan, btw, I think she’s dope. She takes risks.
I never purchased an album from her but I thought about it. I rarely “protest” goods and services, but this one will be easy to stay away from. The more I think about it, the more I don’t want to support either one of them.
I’m in the group of Chris Brown supporters who just couldn’t get mad about him getting into a fight with his girlfriend. In my eyes, this kind of shit happens everyday.
Again, not him beating her up. They got into a fight. Contrary to what the media and pop culture would have us believe, this is par the course for many relationships.
I don’t care about it being right or wrong. It’s just another part of life. Emotionally unstable couple gets together, argues and then tempers flare up.
Given enough time, both of them grow up and beyond the situation. Chris and Rihana would’ve gotten together much sooner after the incident if it wasn’t for all the public attention thrown on them.
Shit happens. Welcome to the real world.
its a case of some one not loving them selves enough to walk away….putting the other person bfr them selves..sad really…
I see where you’re coming from, but that’s a messed-up way to look at things. Lots of jacked-up things happen to people. It doesn’t make that OK. There’s a huge gulf between acknowledging action between people in relationships and endorsing said actions. What happened was Not A Good Thing ™. At minimum, this shows poor relationship communication skills, and at worse, it shows a horrific lack of impulse control. Why should anyone with sense co-sign or even condone their behavior is beyond me.
“In my eyes, this kind of shit happens everyday.”
interesting rationale for not giving a sh*t. does it apply to murder too?
Ok?! I facepalmed the hell outta that comment. A LOT of ish happens everyday. Folks have to face consequences everyday, too…
I *lol* @ the visual of you “muffing” that comment. Thanks for that *lol*.
YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS @ “muffing.” I forgot you were a Chi head.
Yeah, my jaw dropped at that comment. But I guess I get the point. It really is…what it is. If she wants to keep getting her *ss beat, then why won’t we just let her do that? Sheesh. She’s a grown woman and she doesn’t have any kids in danger. Some people are masochists. For all we know she could’ve been turned on beyond our comprehension by that beat down. I could never get mad at a brother for foreplay #shruglife
I’m in the group of Chris Brown supporters who just couldn’t get mad about him getting into a fight with his girlfriend. In my eyes, this kind of shit happens everyday.
this comment made me LOL. i tend to laugh when i hear/read something utterly ridiculous and – for lack of a better word – dumb.
that said, i have some questions, Eric….
1 – you cant get mad at him for getting into a fight with his girlfriend, but can you get mad at him for beating the sh*t out of her? you keep emphasizing the fight part but you dont really focus on the a$s-whooping part so im confused as to where you’re coming from….
2 – a lot of sh*t happens everyday. multiple times a day in fact. like rape, murders, torture, suicides. what does that have to do with Chris Brown and Rihanna? just because these are all things that are normal occurrences doesnt make them acceptable or worthy of dismissal.
I mean i cant really say anything to rihanna because i was the victim of severe domestic violence & i stayed for 8 yrs smh. I think i had stockholm syndrome a lil bit. But anyway back to rih & chris; when it comes to matters of the heart, ppl are gonna do what they wanna do. Some ppl just have to touch the stove to know its hot.
“But anyway back to rih & chris; when it comes to matters of the heart, ppl are gonna do what they wanna do. Some ppl just have to touch the stove to know its hot.”
Definitely agree, and some people just have to decide on their own when enough really is enough.
“I mean i cant really say anything to rihanna because i was the victim of severe domestic violence & i stayed for 8 yrs smh. I think i had stockholm syndrome a lil b”
sorry to hear that. if you don’t mind me asking, what kept you going back?
I was young. He did all the classic mind games to me. Isolated me frum family& freinds, told me he loved me & needed me, treated me extremely well when he wasnt stompin me out. I think he broke my spirit. The abuse was pretty vicious. It drained me i guess. Then on top of that im cut frum a certain cloth culturally. Live by the “code”, never call police under any circumstances. So i suffered in silence all those years like a fool.
I know I don’t know you but I am grateful to Him that you made it out of that situation & I pray that your days continue to be filled w/many blessings.
Thanx so much for the kind words & not judging. Im a different person now. I made a promise to myself & God that i will NEVER allow a man 2 beat me ever again. Thats not the way i wanna die. I aint going out like dat!!
I’m so sorry that you went through this. I’m glad you’re outta there!
“when it comes to matters of the heart, ppl are gonna do what they wanna do. Some ppl just have to touch the stove to know its hot.”
That’s why I’m not judging her. I judge him because of his attitude. He just doesn’t seem to care about anybody but himself. Typical narcissism I just do not and cannot tolerate.
Well I guess we won’t be surprised if/when he whips her ass again…oh well…whateva…
i would be
@The Champ- I would be surprised if they let it get out again…then again I’m not sure I would, because that would only add to the madness and drama and their careers would improve again (they’d probably save it for when they’re on the brink of irrelevance though). Nothing surprises me anymore. I honestly believe she’s into S&M and he’s into inflicting it. Whatever gets their rocks off and sh*t…ya know?
@Justmetheguy I agree with you 100%.
I’m still tryin to sort through my feelings on a Chrihanna reunion too. But at the end of the day…my feelings don’t matter. And neither do yours
I want to see true love prevail! I wanna see Chris Brown redeem himself. I wanna see that an old dog can learn new tricks. Because I’m a lover and I believe that they do still love each other…I wanna see that love come full circle
But I want, particularly Rihanna, to choose her overall well-being! I wanna believe that with all her fame and her beauty, comes infallible self-esteem.
I know single loneliness. It’s all about the exes. “What could I have done differently?” It’s hard to see through self-deficate, what really went down and even if it isn’t “my” fault, I’m still at fault cause I’m lonely and he’s in a seemingly perfect relationship. I want her to see that he was wrong.
I want her to forgive him, truly. And I want see him change. The realist in me just doesn’t believe that it’s possible.
I haven’t heard either song. Birthday Cake, the original is too much for me, so I don’t think I’m quite ready for the remix. But, I do love them individually and together. I think Chris Brown screwed up. But I think it’s time to move on. He’s apologized countless times, paid his debt to society and ultimately, if Rihanna forgives him, who are we to hold a grudge?
I do feel really sorry for his girlfriend though…she ain’t never gettin away from the Chrihanna rumormill. And she’s already resorted to tellin herself lies…”he loves only me…he’s got my face tattooed on his arm…” Poor baby. It’s over and she don’t even know it
I tried not to ask, but I’m confused. What is “self-deficate” supposed to read?
I hope it’s self deprecate, and not sh!tting oneself.
my feelings don’t matter. And neither do yours
yes they do!!!
“I wanna see Chris Brown redeem himself.”
Me too but that can’t and won’t happen unless he thinks he needs to change. He clearly doesn’t think that way, or else he wouldn’t constantly talk about “haters” and ish. I want him to prove me wrong. Prove me wrong, Chris!
I see a parallel between women saying they want Chris Brown to redeem himself and the question being asked of why women stay in abusive relationships.
I see the parallel too, but of course I’m only speaking as an outsider, not as Rihanna. I love the idea of people redeeming themselves, but I don’t think he will do it as long as he stays with the very person who lets him go that far in the first place. He’s not going to redeem himself with anyone he is in a relationship with. He will only do it on his own. That’s what these women don’t understand. I’m no expert but one thing I do know is that it’s hard to change in the very environment that encourages your current behavior in the first place.
Occasionally, I feel like I should care more about Rihanna Fenty and Chris Brown than I have in the past. Then, I don’t.
It would be a positive move if Rihanna and Chris are learning to be more forgiving, loving, and protective towards themselves, first, then each other. They can best rely on themselves when it comes to these anyway.
I don’t know if Chris is having his birthday cake and eating it too. If he is, I don’t know how to deem it fair or unfair either. Life can be like that too.
I’m scarcely interested and invested in these two characters; Nevertheless, I don’t wish for them to go on hating, harming, or killing one another professionally or personally.
thank you, mitt romney
Is this way of thinking that similar to Mitt Romney’s?
A person must be held accountable (legally, socially, and so on) for abusing another. Nevertheless, Individuals must be able to protect themselves against abusers as much as they want to at any given time. Therefore, I believe in living, loving, and learning to protect oneself as much as one can for that near-final/ final natural or unnatural stand. Maybe it’s the same for Rihanna, Chris, and others; then, maybe it’s not. With or without the support of other people, it’s still their lives to live.
To me this isn’t about Rihanna and Chris Brown. It’s about what happens to non-famous women who get brutalized by men. Many, if not most, of those women don’t have the means/ support system, etc. to successfully get away from their abuser. They don’t have the luxury of getting on a private jet and getting the hell out of Dodge.
How will the nonchalance of so many people on the issue of Chris Brown translate into those lives? Will they be more or less likely to take domestic violence seriously? Will they not seek help because so many people think what Chris did wasn’t that bad?
That’s what I wonder about.
+1
To me this isn’t about Rihanna and Chris Brown. It’s about what happens to non-famous women who get brutalized by men
do you think brown has been thrust as the scapegoat/symbol for an issue bigger than him?
That’s my point, Champ. Chris Brown is just one of many abusers. He’s not a scapegoat, he deserves the spotlight on this issue. He is no better than any other man who abuses a woman. But I wish society as a whole would forget about the celebrity aspect and just focus on the abuse. Then there might be a lesson to be learned from the Chris/ RiRi situation.
You know, the nonchalance is already there. People say the same thing about their friends and family who don’t leave their abusers. The first time someone comes to them they have sympathy, but the 10th… They just don’t give a sh!t anymore. I don’t worry about non-famous people and the Chris Brown effect, because people have been apathetic to the plight of abused women for a long, long time. I think we need to always support victims, no matter how tired we get of hearing their same old stories. When they are ready, they will leave, and we need to support them as much as we can along their journey. If victims have at least one person supporting them, then they just might have the courage to leave THAT much sooner.
I get what you are saying but people can become blase about an issue when it isn’t taken seriously. And a lot of the talk about the Chris/ RIRI situation isn’t serious. And don’t get me started on the people that actually blame Rihanna for getting beaten up. That kind of thinking is really dangerous.
I love you, Val. Go get ‘em.
” And, I think much of the push back is due to the fact that it just doesn’t seem fair for him to be able to do that.”
I don’ t think that’s what motivates most of the crowd at all. Instead I think there are distinct groups with differing overlapping motives to take the same public stance.
First Crowd: Personal Prosecutors. They have their own court of law in their minds, where they are judge, jury, and executioner and until the person that offends them has served the sentence that THEY have handed down to them, they will always feel justice wasn’t served. You can see the same effect with Michael Vick, Michael Jackson, Plaxico Burress, Bill Clinton etc.
Second Crowd: Heiglists. Named adopted from actress Katherine Heigl. That’s where you step into a controversy and become a staunch supporter of a cause, to bring attention to your righteousness or otherwise promote yourself and not the cause.
Heiglists. such a great term/definition.
hate her, btw…
I agree. I’m stealing this word
Third Crowd: The Herd. These people come from the “His Crew’s Your Crew, Or They Might Be Next” School of thinking. There is safety in the middle of the herd, just gotta find a way to get there. One easy way is “hate” what you think everyone else “hates” and “like” what you think everyone else “likes”. You saw this one play out back when Vanilla Ice was gaining notoriety and it wasn’t yet popular to be a white rapper. In a stroke of irony, other white rappers who were trying to gain respect, made diss records about Vanilla Ice in order to try curry favor with the listeners ($h!t did not work either)
Fourth Crowd: TWA (i.e. Those With Agendas). Truthfully a lot of people could fit under this umbrella. People act like Al Sharpton is the only one that uses an issue or an event to advance an agenda. B.S. Everyone does it. Peta did with Michael Vick. GLAAD recently did it with Roland Martin, the NAACP did with Michael Richards, ADL did it with Helen Thomas. EVERYONE does it. It gets to a point where, for those with agendas, the people don’t matter – but controlling the narrative does.
I am at a point that i dont really care about either of them. Sure I listen to their music but on their personal lives. I m not really interested.
i don’t believe you
That I m not interested does not mean I do not have an opinion. I think what Chris Brown did was awful and that people have a right to be mad. At the end of the day, I am not Rihanna and if she wants to forgive him, that’s her bottle of rum (cup of tea is so passe). Yes it sends a bad message to people out there that you can beat on women and get away with it supposedly but so do the hundreds of cases of domestic violence going on in the country that are witnessed by kids. On the other hand their reconciliation sends a message about forgiveness. To me it balances out. So that in summary is why I feel neutral about the whole thing and maybe not interested in the topic.
Pingback: Who You Callin A Bitch? » Rihanna & Chris Brown Blur the Line Between Forgiving and Forgetting
Drought in my motherland still persists. HIV/AIDS cases still on the rise…I could care less about these two! I wish them the best as they go forward, but for cottamn sakes-if they wish to make music together let them do….who knows they probably have been dating undercover for months without our knowledge-because, honestly it ain’t our bizness!
Drought in my motherland still persists. HIV/AIDS cases still on the rise…I could care less about these two!
lol, you could still care about all three, if you wanted to
@The Champ
I have an obligation to care for the motherland. I don’t get paid, but there’s a patriotic continental need to care….Now Riri and Breezy…sigh!
I am going to be that person today so here goes. When the whole Rihanna and Chris thing broke, I was upset that everyone jumped to Rihanna’s aid and no one was there to help Chris. Yes, I said it. Here you have a young man that has seen the cycle of violence in his past and no one really rallied around him to give him the help that he needed. Of all of the stars that he seems to hang out with and all of the people that did the commentary, no one jumped on board and said this guy needs counseling and a whole lot of it. Bc obviously, he has emotional problems and can’t control his temper. Now I am not saying that Rihanna didnt need help too but I saw kids (and that’s what they were and still are) get into a situation where the girl was given all types of help and the boy, bc of the level of violence that he inflicted was tossed aside. My fear is that bc Chris is who he is, a young man that gets away with crap bc he is good looking and famous, will only have this problem reoccur instead it will be at a greater level. I guess what I am saying is that this incident could have been made into a domestic violence PSA for both sides, the abused and abuser, to seek help if they have a problem controlling their temper or if they are in a domestic violence situation. This wasn’t a team Chris or team Rihanna moment for me. This was a team help both parties.
Maybe they both still love each other or maybe they are both addicted to each others destructive ways. Which it is what it is either way. All I know is that some people dont change until they have hit rock bottom. I hope this doesn’t need to be the case for either of them but I am sure that many are waiting for that day to happen.
When we choose to have yes people around us all day long, the arrogance and destruction is inevitable. I would bet that those that truly succeed over a LONG period of time have that one person that can tell them to sit down and chill out. It’s a shame that many of our young stars don’t seem to have this.
Co-sign! That’s what I’ve been thinking since this has gone down. RhiRhi and C. Breezy both grew up in some jacked-up circumstances. Also, people don’t seem to realize that the triggering event was the fact that the manage who (allegedly) molested him sent him a text essentially asking him What Really Good, Nahmean? Chris Brown needs a LOT of help, and just because he isn’t a lush or a fiend doesn’t mean he doesn’t need counseling. Heck, because he’s proven himself to be violent, he needs more help, if only because of the potential threat to others.
“Chris Brown needs a LOT of help, and just because he isn’t a lush or a fiend doesn’t mean he doesn’t need counseling. Heck, because he’s proven himself to be violent, he needs more help, if only because of the potential threat to others.”
And this is precisely why I can’t stand him. Enough with the stigma that comes from getting mental help. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have a problem, owning up to it, and making changes. Nothing at all. The fact that he’s just like “f*ck ya haters!” makes me think he’s letting his environment shape him to the point that for the rest of his life he will blame his crappy childhood for all of his crappy behavior. There comes a point where we must decide if our pasts will make or break us. It’s very easy for people to rationalize and justify what they do. And I just don’t appreciate that.
I was upset that everyone jumped to Rihanna’s aid and no one was there to help Chris. Yes, I said it.
who is “everyone?” from my vantage point, it looked to be 50/50
Maybe you should stand a little to the left.
From where i was standing, people took sides but not many offered help to Chris on the same level that they offered it to Rihanna. They told her to leave, go get counseling ect. I didn’t see anyone speaking out saying that Chris needed major counseling. They just said give him community service or throw him in jail.
Didn’t he have to attend court-mandated anger management? That is therapy. The fact that he was a victim of a cycle of abuse did influence the judge. That’s why he got probation and therapy instead of straight up jail. (Aside from the obvious that he’s a celeb).
From my vantage point it seemed to be 70-30 (Chris/Rihanna) which is why I find this conversation interesting.
Really?!? That is interesting. I guess we see what we want to see…and that goes for me as well.
With all that said though, both needed help and I don’t believe that either received the help that they needed.
Or we were listening in on conversations from totally different groups of pepple. It just happened that the conversations I was aware of were mostly pro-Chris Brown.
“This was a team help both parties.”
That’s the team I find myself on. They both need help.
Someone really needs to find & burn that hopeless place that they found love in.
+1
“Someone really needs to find & burn that hopeless place that they found love in.”
Can I say WOW…
I find their history coupled with the song Birthday Cake disturbing… in context there is a deep sadness with erotic overtones that makes my skin crawl.
And I have to ask why would we as a community choose to romanticize and sexualize unchecked male aggression against sistas, and then try to call it love
Because if they have indeed reconciled, that isn’t what they are in… love.
They truly are in a hopeless place and the idea that there is a vocal, visible portion of the community rooting for their continued self destruction resulting in the slim possibility of some form of redemption is troubling.
Why are we so protective of a situation that has this will end in tears written all over it.
It blows me that Kanye is still on professional time out for talking reckless… and even after creating My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, an album that is arguably pure genius, he is not invited to perform at the Grammys but Rhianna and Chris are…
And I have to ask what part of the game is this…
I’m not big on conspiracy but can’t help but wonder if there isn’t some subliminal intent to identify and align the black community with normalizing this type of violence
The fact that Chris Brown is the hill many of us choose to die on even though he won’t stop acting up, and Rhianna is obviously as disturbed as she is beautiful, it seems that supporting or even ignoring their situation is misplaced energy that in the end will only serve to further fracture our already injured community.
Are we fighting for the preservation of a combined unique talent, or do we just find the spectacle fascinating.
In either case I’m not that hard pressed to be entertained. ~JS
I think the reason why it’s romanticized is that so many women aren’t respected as human beings that, in a warped way, a dude being aggressive towards them is somehow recognizing them as something threatening and therefore worthy of respect. These women will stay clowning a dude who does all sorts of nice things for them because they have a nice booty, but at the same will check for a dude who will beat them like a rented mule because he wasn’t acting like he hadn’t seen a phat a$$ before.
The problem is the reason he wasn’t acting like he hadn’t seen a phat a$$ before is because he HATES all possessors of said booty because they’re like the mama who neglected and molested them (allegedly).
I do agree that women need to check for dudes who respect them. That should be self-evident. However, just because a brother isn’t drooling on the floor over your bodacious shape doesn’t mean he respects you. A man worth relationship time has to respect you as a person as well. Unfortunately, too many women have been d1cked over by dudes to make it to this point.
And the cycle continues.
I think there is a systematic effort to keep us from caring, being outraged by and into acceptance and apathy about violence against Black women.
Black women and Black girls are not protected when it comes to this issue. 70% of Black women have experienced violence from a partner or family member. Many of us don’t go get restraining orders, or go to court, or face a community being outraged after a night where the neighbors heard him beating his wife.
I don’t think it’s either/or in this case, it’s both/and. When you have a community that supports dysfunction, dysfunction tends to happen.
The community did not originally support dysfunction. It changed towards that.
“I think the reason why it’s romanticized is that so many women aren’t respected as human beings that, in a warped way, a dude being aggressive towards them is somehow recognizing them as something threatening and therefore worthy of respect. ”
Thank you for bringing this up. That’s exactly why I hate Mexican novelas. The guy treats the girl like crap, practically forces himself on her, and in the end they live happily ever after, further perpetuating the stereotype that us Latinas “like it rough.”
LOL, perhaps a hopeless place is not the best location in which to find love.
Someone really needs to find & burn that hopeless place that they found love in.
LOL! but a burnt hopeless place is still hopeless, why waste the fuel or the fire?? i say throw the place and the ppl into a black hole…
I’m gonna say something that might seriously offend people and the timing is going to be insensitive, but I think people need to hear it regardless:
On Sunday, after watching the funeral of Whitney Houston, I decided to watch the Oprah interview she did in 2009. The very first thing she said, was she had reached a point in her life, where she wanted to take he daughter, move to an island, and just leave it all – however, and this was a continuous theme throughout; Oprah would always change the subject, and try to remind Whitney about “the Voice”, her gift, and how she was no longer sharing it with her fans. In other words, anytime Whitney Houston talked about who she really was, and what she wanted to be, Oprah pushed her into talking about what her fans and what God wanted her to be.
Fast-Forward two years later, Whitney Houston lays dead in a bathtub and people are placing the blame of her death on her ex-husband, when she died the DAY BEFORE THE GRAMMYS!!! If this was a novel, and the protagonist committed suicide before a big event, which she was supposed to be part of, we would all presume that something about that event, made the person kill themselves. However, not one person; not one writer has suggested, that something about the Grammys made Whitney Houston want to kill herself.
Why do I mention all of this and what does this have to do with Chris Brown and Rihanna – well it’s quite simple, when Rihanna “broke up” with Chris Brown, she broke up with him for her career not because she felt abused. What else do you think it was when she said “F*ck love” on 60 minutes? And then she spent the next couple of years, writing songs about how she likes to be in abusive relationships, how she likes to rebel against social norms, and how she doesn’t care what other people think – and yet people are disappointed that she’s gone back to Chris Brown?
Just as few people even after Whitney Houston has died, couldn’t accept that Whitney Houston wanted to live life for herself and chose to do it with Bobby Brown, few people wish to accept the fact that Rihanna wants to live her life, and wants to do it with the guy who busted her face – it has to be low self esteem, it has to be Stockholm syndrome, it has to be some ailment outside of the simple fact that this is what she wants.
As always fans, always feel they have ownership of the people they idolize – they want these celebrities to live their lives for them, they don’t want these people to pursue their own selfish happiness. They want these artists to live their lives for their own sake and then they get shocked that these celebrities take drugs in order to deal with the pressure that comes with living a life for the sake of millions of people.
Perhaps, 10 years from now, when Rihanna has completely stayed away from CB because being with him hurts her record sales and upsets women and little girls (who look to her as a role model), maybe we’ll finally get it ,when Drake walks into a hotel room and sees Rihanna’s lifeless body on the ground with a cold empty dripping needle right by her side? Perhaps, we’ll get it, or more perhaps more likely, we will blame the guy whose last name is Brown once again.
I think I agree with the point you make about Whitney Houston, I saw the Oprah interview on OWN and to me it actually seemed like Clive Davis had the biggest hand in pushing her towards “sharing her voice” instead of letting her get away from the spotlight.
But for Chris Brown and Rihanna, I think it’s about them growing up from the situation. The relationship seems very abusive, and given the music they’ve put out, and the tweets they’ve written since, it doesn’t seem like they’ve learned anything from being separated, other than the world is trying to eff up their lives. With Whitney and Bobby, their relationship was abusive, and it took time for Whitney to realize she needed to leave the situation for her health, but she realized it and left. Maybe it’ll take Rih getting back with CB to realize they are not good for each other.
First of all, major props for taking it there and doing the knowledge. You thought about this a bunch, and I’m thoroughly impressed.
That said, just because someone wants to do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. With Rihanna, it’s that fine line between wanting to help someone and wanting to control them. It’s clear that the woman needs help, especially from her last couple of records. She needs some serious counseling to deal with some obvious pain she has in her past. However, you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. I think that’s the sad part in all of this.
Actually, no it’s not. The reason why people want to help her is because she’s famous, and the reason why she’s grown famous since the Chris Brown incident, is because of those lyrics and songs that keep her on the top. Rihanna wasn’t this famous when Umbrella came out.
One of the things, if you study any of these great artist/ celebrities you realize their success was tied in to their f*ckeupness. A lot of people want to get rid of the f*ckedupness, but still want all the benefits. I mean what would Pryor have been if he didn’t do drugs, what would Michael have been if Joe Jackson didn’t push him past his limits, would Apple have taken over the world if Steve Jobs wasn’t a complete asshole, what would James Brown have been without the drugs, what would Mike Tyson have been if his biological parents were doctors instead of deadbeats?
You see the fact is we benefit from the torture these celebrities live, and if anything we demand that they continue to give us all the benefits, and yet all they ask is we let them be free. Be free to make mistakes, be free to screw up their lives, and be free to do whatever they deem worthy of with their talent. However, we feel a need to control them just like we feel the need to control people who we hold dear to our hearts – we feel like we have their best interests at heart, and we forget the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I was cheering your comment on until you got to the part where you staged a scene of Law and Order SVU guest starring Drake…
… then it got… what’s the word… too real.
Not disagreeing… just… damn.
I added that in there because as I said a lot of people forget that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. A lot of people have good intentions for Rihanna, and even a lesser extent Chris Brown, but they’re not concerned with the possibility that this is the only those two know how to live and be famous. And to try to take the negative away from them and keep all the positive might lead to their destruction, a destruction none of us will ever take responsibility for.
One thing Whitney succeeded at doing was leaving Bobby and setting boundaries with him after they were divorced. She was no longer going to tolerate his treating her as a less than a person. Because she left him and maintained those boundaries so she wouldn’t find herself with his spittle on her again, she was able to have a level of freedom with herself and her daughter. She was able to still be Whitney and still love Bobby but from a distance. She was able to love his children, be friends with his family without keeping secrets from them that he was hurting her behind closed doors. No more secrets for her in her relationship with Bobby.
Whereas Rihanna and Chris’s secrets are still there, and being whispered about. Rihanna’s song “Love the Way You Lie” is probably the best song to describe how a woman and man in a dysfunctional abusive relationship think and how they relate to each other. Love has to consume, control, be based on fear for them to think it is real.
I get what you are saying. Whitney used to think she had to escape into Bobby Brown in order to get away from everything that Hollywood did that was painful for her. Abused women tend to think the man they are with is their only escape, their only means to happiness.
Actually, no she wasn’t free to be Whitney and this is why no one has really gotten down to why Whitney died and what really caused it.
Whitney Houston, and you heard this if you really listened to the comments that she made: had one tremendous, and I mean tremendous character flaw – she tried to make everyone happy. All her life, whether it was her friends, her child, her family, her church, her fans, Clive Davis – she went head and heels in her life to satisfy everyone. Whitney Houston – Crazy Whitney (according to Bebe Winans) wasn’t a weak person, her desire to stay with Bobby Brown, wasn’t because she felt weak in his presence, it was because she was adamant about her vows and she was disciplined in her pursuit of staying married to the guy, until he broke his vows (Refer to Oprah interview) by banging Superhead and other goofy hoes.
Whitney Houston died the day before the Grammys, and as most psychologists would suggest, that most suicides are performed with the intent of making a statement. If Whitney Houston killed herself the day before the Grammy’s it’s quite clear that if any statement was made at all it was against what the Grammy’s represent: fame! People forget that in the last two years, Whitney had been manhandled in the press and there was commentary all over the world about how she had fallen and not gotten up; hell, people were booing her in 3rd world countries! Even her fans, were saddened at the fact that the old innocent Whitney was lost to history. Here was a woman who was revered so heavily; the woman Oprah referred to as the voice, and yet every time she sang all she felt was disappointment – it’s so obvious why she killed herself, I find myself amazed that so few people even acknowledge it as a possibility?
Perhaps it’s too easy, perhaps it makes her story common and expected, but if there’s anything that killed Whitney Houston, it’s the simple fact that she didn’t know how to be free. Before Bobby, she was a slave to her parents and Clive Davis, then she moved to Bobby Brown and was once again enslaved to love and dedication. She died a slave to fame, to her past and to her “voice.” It’s not sad, it’s just the cold reality of the consequences that come with living a life dedicated to the happiness and welfare of others before yourself.
Thank you for all that you broke down to me…the truth hurts…I wanted to believe she had some freedom to be Whitney.
Thank you for also driving home that women (and girls) who want to make everyone happy above themselves are at risk for finding themselves in such a relationship.
“Oprah pushed her into talking about what her fans and what God wanted her to be”
Makes me think of debates I’ve had about how Mary J. Blige put out better music when she was being abused, and how “happy Mary” needs to channel some of her “sad Mary” to get an album sale outta me. Or how Amy Winehouse’s second album was better because it was dark, like her drug abuse had been. I never wanted to see either of these women fail, but as a fan their pain made some sweet music in my ears…
As a fan who wants Mary J. Blige to live into ripe old age, I’m cool with there only being great albums out of her from the past, if sadness is what motivates her greatness. I don’t want to see Mary sad again, or she’ll end up dead.
Mary told us a long time ago .. all i really want is to be happy ..
better peace in her heart than anything else.
I like this. Bottom line, she’s gonna do what she wants to do, and we need to just live our own lives.
I had to come to this realization about a personal friend of mine. Her boyfriend, who is also a friend of mine (I’ve actually known him longer), beats her @ss constantly. They’re both crazy and will not break up. I’ve accepted the fact that this break up is just not going to happen, not any time soon anyway. So all I can do is love and be there for both of them, and disengage when I need to, for my own sanity.
Wow. Now see that, I couldn’t deal with. I refuse to deal with any dude that’s beating one of my friends. The fact that he beat her a$$ makes him not my friend. I wouldn’t let him in the door. I wouldn’t speak when he came around. I can’t associate with crazy people. period.
I don’t either because if my friend needed to leave the relationship, she needs me more than she needs me to be his friend. And God forbid if she got killed by his hand.
Thank you two for your judgments. Now let me go polish your halos for you, be right back.
“Thank you two for your judgments. Now let me go polish your halos for you, be right back.”
(Effed up the first time) ” Thank you two for your judgments. Now let me go polish your halos for you, be right back.”
lmfao!!!! I get where they were coming from. It sounded weird that you were like “He beats her *ss sometimes, but it’s all good, they get over it” lol, but I understand though. You can’t help ppl that don’t want to help themselves. And I repeat, there are women that like getting beat, just as there are men that get off chexually on being trampled (in the chest). Who are we to tell them what to do? I honestly feel like if ppl didn’t give a sh*t or try to stop Rihanna, she would actually be more likely to leave him…
Lol but see, I never said “it’s all good.” I find it highly disturbing and sickening, on BOTH their parts (because they are both guilty of a lot of the same ish). Does that mean I just write them off and decide they don’t deserve my friendship? No. I choose to love. I don’t have to condone what they do to love or accept them as people. That was my point.
I get your point now that I know you are just as disturbed by it as I was, having experienced domestic violence and as a teenager known a girl who was killed by her boyfriend. I always judge from personal experience and personal feelings, I’m human.
VSBs and VSSs,
Y’all make me so sad with these comments. Really. I don’t have the energy to be a goon and combat y’all via a million threads, but the fact that people are so blase about a serious situation concerns me.
You guys realize that he beat her face in right? He didn’t just punch her once or twice (not that this would have been acceptable either). For those of y’all that haven’t seen it, check out the police report transcript here: http://perezhilton.com/2012-02-17-court-documents-of-chris-brown-rihanna-beating-released#.T0OCiPEgdk2
This. Is. Not. Ok.
Y’all can say they’re “grown” and let them be them, but I’m sorry, the sad fact of the matter is that they’re role models of the current teenybopper generation — and their actions have consequences. When I have a fifteen year old brother who’s friends say stuff like, “well I heard Rihanna was messing around on him first” or “didnt she hit him first?” it sickens me.
When I hear people say “he paid his price” — with what? jail time? has he finished his community service hours yet? has he shown significant behavior modification? No to all of these!! His handlers can’t even get him under control on Twitter, man. I believe in rehabilitation but he is clearly not there.
And people comparing him to being made a victim the likes of Michael Vick, Burress, and Roland Martin, are out of line. None of those people endangered others’ lives. (Well, Burress endangered his own). And JUST because other entertainers have been given DV passes before doesnt mean we have to give Chris Brown one. We can acknowledge the hypocrisy in the past and still work towards a better future.
At best, we’re watching two entertainers pull an awful stunt for attention — and worst we’re watching a victim go back to her abuser and saying nothing because we think they and or/their music look cute together. We’re sending a clear message that we will not just forgive, but completely ABSOLVE a guy for committing an awful crime after a little while because we like the way he looks, dances, and sings. Seriously???
Domestic violence is not insignificant y’all. And we’re treating it like it is. I’ve seen firsthand, through my work and through various personal experiences, how it can ruin people and lives. I sincerely hope both of them get the help they need.
For my part, I will no longer support Rihanna and Chris Brown’s music until they get their act together. I know they could give two flying turds about whether or not I’m downloading their music, but this whole clusterf*ck is unacceptable to me on so many levels — and the serious damage its done to a younger generation’s awareness on the seriousness of DV is going to leave a bad taste in my mouth for days.
free my comment please
I see where you’re coming from. But it’s clear that they’ve been offered help AND DO NOT ACCEPT SAID HELP. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. They need Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Moses and heck, I’ll throw in Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard. The problem is that they’re so clearly messed up, they don’t even realize how bad it is.
The sad thing is that there are many people their age who are similarly situated and who will sadly act in the same ways in a lower profile situation. I just wish there was a way to not only offer them help, but more importantly ACCEPT such help.
“But it’s clear that they’ve been offered help AND DO NOT ACCEPT SAID HELP. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
Believe me, I understand. Its a sad fact that most abuse victims reenter volatile relationships, either with the same person or another abuser. Victims of abuse, as well as people who abuse, are stuck in an emotional gamut that requires a lot of counseling and life reevaluation to get out of. And if I were in either of their circles, I would give them as much support and guidance to help them reach the conclusion on their own.
My issue is people denying that this issue is bigger than them. Yes, they didn’t ask to be the face of DV, but as world-know celebs, they unfortunately are. When you have girls tweeting post-Grammys “I’d let CB beat me up anytime” we have a problem. So while we can’t force them to get help, we can call them out on their actions. That’s the price you pay for notoriety.
” So while we can’t force them to get help, we can call them out on their actions. That’s the price you pay for notoriety.”
Because of the dysfunction that both people have dealt with and in, I doubt that calling them out for their actions will change their mindset. Change happens internally before a person takes action to change their life. This is why being supportive is all one can do. Support doesn’t mean talking about abuse as if it is ok. It means being at the ready with a dv hotline number and information on how to create a safety plan.
Matter of fact, many dv programs recognize that many women go back to their abusers. To address that, they talk about creating a safety plan, a plan of action for what you will do if you are attacked, after you are attacked, and if you are forced to leave to save your own life. It outlines what items to have with you, where the local dv shelters are, best way to remove yourself from the situation and legal action you can take, should you wish to.
Being supportive and absolving their past behavior is not one and the same. In DV services, they provide plans of action while still informing them that returning is the wrong decision — none of the latter is happening here! And that’s what upsets me.
The absolving of past behavior by society should explain WHY women stay. They too want him to change. They too think if they stay, they’ll make it to a point in the relationship where he’ll say “I’m done with this. I’m going to treat you with respect”.
And this is how women end up dead or severely injured or alienated from her family because they’ve thrown up their hands or because he’s pissed off her family or kept her isolated from them. This is how abuse inserts itself into our lives whether we care or don’t care.
“Change happens internally before a person takes action to change their life. This is why being supportive is all one can do.”
+1! And you know, that’s why at first I wasn’t so hard on Chris Brown until he showed such a lack of remorse, such a lack of humility, a disregard for the well-being of others by throwing a damn chair out the window, and just how disgusting and narcissistic he is as a person. There’s only so much support you can give to someone like that.
But it’s clear that they’ve been offered help AND DO NOT ACCEPT SAID HELP.
and this is so sad to watch. they are rebelling in the most obvious ways. and while you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink, i do find it a bit sickening that so many ppl are like “whatever. keep the party going”. i struggle with this, even for myself who enjoys their music (not their music together though – dont like it one bit).
“The problem is that they’re so clearly messed up, they don’t even realize how bad it is.”
that’s what makes me simultaneously angry and pitiful towards BOTH of them.
Yeah whatever. When you’re done prosecuting Chris Brown, Rihanna, and anyone who doesn’t share your opinion, let us know.
I don’t know in what way calling someone out for their actions counts as prosecuting, them, but do you, man. I’m glad to see that you have valid points dismissing my concerns. Oh wait…
Hey speaking of valid points, let us know how you take this:
“Fourth Crowd: TWA (i.e. Those With Agendas). Truthfully a lot of people could fit under this umbrella. People act like Al Sharpton is the only one that uses an issue or an event to advance an agenda. B.S. Everyone does it. Peta did with Michael Vick. GLAAD recently did it with Roland Martin, the NAACP did with Michael Richards, ADL did it with Helen Thomas. EVERYONE does it. It gets to a point where, for those with agendas, the people don’t matter – but controlling the narrative does.”
and arrive at this:
“And people comparing him to being made a victim the likes of Michael Vick, Burress, and Roland Martin, are out of line.”
I didn’t say that was about you — you took it that way. You happened to use names that I have seen people try to liken the situation to – so I used the names to say the situations are not comparable, beccause they aren’t. But if you want to go there, it’s NOT about advancing a cause. At least it’s not for me – I can’t speak for the greater population. It’s CALLING someone out for their actions. Do you really believe the CB has been held accountable? Because I don’t . That’s all there is to it.
“I didn’t say that was about you -”
I believe I was the only one to mention Vick, Martin, & Burress together in succession in this thread. My guess is that most reasonable people would arrive at a conclusion similar to mine.
While my point in using those people was to demonstrate how organizations can and do use people’s personal situations to advance their own agendas (and that no demographic owns the patent on annexing hot social events/issues), you absolutely CAN compare Michael Vick or Michael Jackson to Chris Brown. Why can’t we? They share something in common. It’s almost like someone telling me I can’t make any analogies about apples and oranges when the conversation is about fruit. Comparison here simply depends on context. And in the context that these people have all had legal trouble and have been hounded by a certain segment of public who felt Vick, Brown, Jackson didn’t bow and scrape low enough to demonstrate proper contrition… yeah, they are ALL comparable.
And it’s part of why I reject most of the indignation and the supposed basis for it. Public apologies and acts of contrition done on command or by mandate are little more than Kabuki theatre; they don’t do it because they believe it, they do it because YOU need to believe it. Just out of curiosity, what (beyond legally imposed punishments) do you think he should be levied against him in order to constitute “being held accountable”? Should he never be allowed to perform at an award show again? Should he be barred from all major tours for 5 years? Should he have to donate a portion of his salary for the next 10 years to battered women’s shelters? Should he be dropped from his label? What would constitute the “accountability” that you speak of?
Ameen, Shamira. At first I was like “he hit her” and thought “not cool” but when I read that police report I went from “not cool” to “this f*cking a**h*le!” It was really severe and I just couldn’t play devil’s advocate at that point.
I’m sorry but your mentality, the mentality that a girl like Rihanna is supposed to be a role model to women, is probably what killed Whitney Houston.
Have you any idea the amount of pressure you put on a woman, when you say she represents millions of women? Have you any idea the consequences of what you’re suggesting – that Rihanna live her life, knowing that everything she does, every mistake she makes, every word she says somehow influences every young girl and woman in the world?
Is it any surprise that girls in her position end up being crazy? Regular women complain about the pressure of just having to look good and make it in a man’s world, yet you want her to also have to deal with the fact that her failures aren’t just hers, but failures that influence millions of other people – isn’t that a lot of pressure? What happens, when she feels like a failure or she had a bad performance (like we all do), and she already has the notion already that her life doesn’t belong to just her, but it belongs to women, and when she fails or disappoints herself, she doesn’t just disappoint herself, but she disappoints women? Is it not logical that that pressure would easily overwhelm her?
Should Rihanna be in an abusive relationship? No. However, Rihanna shouldn’t avoid an abusive relationship, because she somehow has a responsibility to live her life in sync with what is in the best interest of women, but because it is solely in her own self interest. Now unless, the people who approach her, approach her and say f*ck the fans, f*ck your supporters, f*ck your friends… do this for yourself, she is better served dying in the hands of an abusive boyfriend, than living a life dedicated to her servitude to women and victims of Domestic Violence.
*sigh* because everything you just said is true. that’s a lot of pressure for any woman in a dysfunctional relationship to wear those shoes in the public eye.
“…their very public reconciliation rubs me the wrong way.”
Their reconciliation rubs me the wrong way because he punched her in her face, and for all her claims to be “hard,” to be back sniggling and giggling in his face just makes me wonder where the hell her pride is. I’ve said the same thing to my actual friends who have stayed with men who hit them. You’ll cuss and fight these females but let this dude get over? No ma’am. I’ve been attacked by boyfriends; I had no desire to be buddies with them afterwards.
I believe that abusive men can change. I also believe that change has to come with intense counseling and patterns of appropriate behavior, at least. I don’t know what CB has done to get on the right track. Maybe he did get help…If I was her I’d take every opportunity I had to go upside his head just because. Should she GAF that he changed after he whooped her a$$?
Lastly, with all that said, I’ve mentioned before that the boy is so damn talented I want to believe it wasn’t even his fault. I really want to forgive him because his live performances are stupid, he works his a$$ off, and “Don’t Be on That BS” is my song. So I feel conflicted about Chris Brown.
I’m not if the moral of the story is “attractive popular guys get breaks” but “everybody f*cks up sometimes.” Most of us still mess with R. Kelly. Y’all will fight if someone talk about Michael Vick. (But those are popular attractive guys aren’t they…) We all mess up, but for people who are talented enough to warrant our support we reserve judgement.
/ramble
“We all mess up, but for people who are talented enough to warrant our support we reserve judgement.” It’s almost like we want to see our own succeed so badly that when they do mess up, we just want to sweep it under the rug. We as black people are the best hiders and secret keepers of the world when it comes to abuse.
” We as black people are the best hiders and secret keepers of the world when it comes to abuse.”
I think it speaks to systematic efforts to make sure Black men and Black women no longer love, trust and respect each other within our community.
“I think it speaks to systematic efforts to make sure Black men and Black women no longer love, trust and respect each other within our community.” This is on us and not anyone else. When abuse isn’t reported or we tell our children to just not talk about, then we start the cycle. WE need to love and respect each other. We can’t keep blaming our problems on others. I am not saying that our past hasn’t screwed up our present but it doesn’t have to be this way for the future.
Here’s the catch 22. How can one respect and love themselves if they are not taught how to do it. This is why parents must demonstrate love to children and stand up for their children when someone hurts them, before they become adults who don’t know how to do that for themselves.
Love needs to be nurtured to grow and to be taught to others. When children are in environments where the adults are like “whatever, that’s their business, I’m not gonna get involved” secrets and the status quo continues.
Rihanna may very well feel she is loving and loving herself by the choices she is making. When people know better, they do better.
“How can one respect and love themselves if they are not taught how to do it. This is why parents must demonstrate love to children and stand up for their children when someone hurts them, before they become adults who don’t know how to do that for themselves.” I agree with you here. We are taught from day 1 how to behave and follow through on our teachings.
I want to say the apathy isn’t a black phenomenon but I can’t think of any other similar situations. Only thing that comes to mind are Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin, but Mel has been pretty much shunned and Alec didn’t beat anybody down physically (as far as I know). From what I saw the public was more than willing to forgive him for his tirade. I know the lady on one of the Housewives said she was getting hit and she stayed, but I suppose that wasn’t big enough to get too much attention. My observation has been that abuse is often swept under the rug, regardless of background.
Abuse happens across many races, religions, socio-economic status, yet Black women are less likely to seek help for it than other demographics. We are less likely than other groups to seek help from domestic violence shelters. We are less likely to get an order of protection. We are more likely to experience racism when we do seek help and misogynism when we tell others in our community about our abuse. We have higher rates of violence against us in our community than other races.
We are more likely to be blamed for it by our own community. Robin Fenty being a Black woman puts in context what her value is within her community if she is being abused.
I think the Chris and Rihanna situation shows us exactly how domestic violence often plays out, but with race thrown in the mix.
Black women are more likely to think she is not being abused because she hit him back or yelled back. Yet its her face and body injured far worst than his. Yet its her ability to go to work that is impacted after a beating.
“Abuse happens across many races, religions, socio-economic status, yet Black women are less likely to seek help for it than other demographics. We are less likely than other groups to seek help from domestic violence shelters. We are less likely to get an order of protection.” Agreed. We do not seek help the way others will.
“I believe that abusive men can change.”
I wholeheartedly agree, but the condition is that they must acknowledge the problem and feel that they must change. Again, if I felt the Chris Brown seriously thought he needs to change then I’ll be all “go get ‘em!” but I just don’t see it. He just wants to wipe his hands clean and blame everything and everyone for his behavior.
When I heard their song for the first time yesterday on the radio, I was in disbelief. Enjoyed this whole post, but the last line is what’s sticking with me: “… I’m concerned with how easily I’m beginning to be able to write something and feel nothing.” I think we are all becoming desensitized to the mess that is pop culture right now. I can’t think of any other word than “mess”. It is constant, unavoidable, and seems to only be getting messier.
+1
I’m fair enough to assume that anyone who feels this strongly about Chris Brown may be very close to the experience of having gotten beaten by a man, or knowing a woman who has.
I am more interested in Miranda Lambert directing her anger at Chris Brown but not at others she’s worked with who have beaten women.
I also find it interesting because in the media as is, if you are Black and female and you get beaten by a man, there won’t be as big of an outrage as if you were a White woman, and even by your own people.
So, looking at Miranda Lambert, I notice her amnesia of White men whom she knows who have beaten women, and wonder if she is simply aiming her anger at Chris Brown, because he is Black and in the media for what he did.
I also found interesting an interview of Chris Brown’s mother with Jamie from Sister 2 Sister magazine where she said that she’d never had a conversation with Chris about what he did to Rhianna and what she went through getting beaten while Chris was a teenager walking around the neighborhood hearing her being beaten and chewing on his clothes in fear for her life & frustration.
I can’t put Miranda in the same boat as Oprah’s response where she did a whole Oprah show telling Rhianna to disconnect from Chris Brown.
Given the rumors that Chris and Rhianna are already back together, I won’t be surprised if the strong responses against Chris Brown by people in the media also has to do with sitting with, listening to and watching a friend or family member get beaten by their man, break up and then go back together. Or having been the one who had such a relationship in their past.
“I am more interested in Miranda Lambert directing her anger at Chris Brown but not at others she’s worked with who have beaten women.”
You are talking about the chick who wrote and sang “Gunpowder and Lead” a song about a woman planning to shoot an abusive boyfriend who is about to make bail.
She has been a very vocal supporter of anti-violence against women and wrote Gunpowder and Lead when she was taking a concealed weapons course.
I can’t recall a single country act accused of abuse that she has supported and I think what was surprising is that when folks in country music act up they are typically sent to the corner they don’t end up on award shows…
Look at Garth Brooks… you couldn’t find dude with a flash light after he acted up and he was as big as they come.
Now if you are talking about Glen Campbell tribute, I don’t know but he might have gotten a pass because now he is retiring because he has Alzheimers.
The domestic violence thing Glen got into was between him and Tanya Tucker who was the Taylor Swift of the 80’s and he took a BIG hit to his career for that… he wasn’t moving units and he wasn’t touring and he wasn’t inducted into the hall of fame until 2005.
The country community was VERY punitive, he spent almost 25 years wearing a hair shirt over his shenanigans… unlike Brown who really hasn’t been ‘punished’
I can’t think of anybody of recent vintage who has had a highly public domestic violence charge of the magnitude an severity of Chris Brown who has been given a pass that quickly…
If you can come up with names hit me up and let me know ~JS
Mindy McCready and your comment supports my point that anyone who feels this strongly has been pretty close to domestic violence themselves.
“Mindy McCready and your comment supports my point that anyone who feels this strongly has been pretty close to domestic violence themselves.”
If you are referencing Mindy McCready as an example of how punitive country music is regarding bad behavior then I agree… the second ole girl started acting up her career hit the skids big time, even though she was once a rising star, she is now just a cautionary tale.
As far as being personally close to domestic violence I haven’t been… other than growing up in the hood were domestic violence was a brutal reality that folks ignored or were ambivalent
I think as women we live with a knowledge of how vulnerable we are to certain types of harm that can be only caused by loved ones
My passion, if that is the correct word, stems more from “there but for the grace of God go I” than anything else ~JS
Yes yes, there but for the Grace of God goes many. Yes.
Chris and Rih-Rih have accomplished what they set out to do – get people talking, get people to download/listen to the song and make $$. They did what most thought they’d never do and that was make a song together and from the sounds of it based on the lyrics, they may not have gotten back together, but they may be back to hip-hoppin and body-rockin’. Aye, it’s their business.
Frankly I dont hold anything against either one of them. Chris committed a terrible act of violence, but he offered what seemed to be a sincere public apology and none of us know if what type of help or counseling he’s received since the incident. I know much of what he did publicly was to preserve his image, but again none of us know what has happened between the two of them behind the cameras. BOTH parties have serious issues to resolve, but I dont believe that either of them are beyond being helped.
I’m just amazed that people care. They are just two people.
I’m one of the few people who doesn’t care if he apologized or not. I pay more attention to what choices Rihanna makes in men after this experience. Why? Because men who abuse apologize afterwards then they abuse again in cycles. I pay attention to how Chris treats women post-Rihanna but I think that because of what happened with Rihanna, Chris and his people can make sure nothing gets out to the media if he loses his temper and hurts a woman. How long will Rihanna be able to hide reconciling with Chris from the media? It can easily turn into “look at this dumb abused woman going back to her man” meme if word on the street rumors hits mainstream media. Is she willing to sacrifice her career for Chris?
I I think that he was young and stupid and clearly has anger issues but I dont think he should be penalized forever for it.
BUT
I am concerned about the fact that many of his actions have proven that he has not yet learned to control his emotions.Which to me says that the right hail storm of events could have this happen all over again.
I dont have a problem with Chris and Rihanna making music together, or being friends but another relationship after the type of abuse she allegedly received makes me uneasy…however they are at this point grown and I got enough other shyt to worry about. its not my life or my decisions .
“I am concerned about the fact that many of his actions have proven that he has not yet learned to control his emotions.Which to me says that the right hail storm of events could have this happen all over again.” Exactly and it will be bigger.
Yes, and why don’t we just come right out and say that its a dangerous world for Black men to be losing their temper in. The police and the justice system is not always that empathetic and forgiving if he catches a repeated offense behind his losing his temper. The day he threw that chair and trashed the room, he could have faced criminal charges for the damage he caused.
“I am concerned about the fact that many of his actions have proven that he has not yet learned to control his emotions.Which to me says that the right hail storm of events could have this happen all over again.”
Excellent point. He needs time to change and grow, and that’s what he doesn’t get.
I suppose he is having his cake and eating it too. Being considered a vulnerable, unknowing, unaccountable, toddler well into your mid-twenties (and many, well into their early thirties) can do that to any person…at the expense of society of course.
Is there even some semblance of rites of passage in the African American community left? Even unofficial, unspoken ones? Even parents expecting you to know right or wrong by your early teens, expecting you to gain awareness of (experience with) consequences and responsibility by your late teens, expecting you to know that the world aint fair by your early twenties and have adequate coping skills, and expecting you to know that there is not always restitution for every stupid decision you make or others make against you long before you hit thirty?
Him rushing to go to jail and her itching to get bust in the head again…don’t even make sense. No one stays at the top in Hollywood though, so this pass on consequences won’t last forever. When it stops, they’ll wish they had better parents/guidance/friends.
Fingers crossed for her…and maybe him.
I see where you’re coming from. However, the thing that amazes me is that people forgets that celebrities are people too. Sadly, they’re just as likely to come up out of some serious foolishness as anyone else walking around. What’s worse is that because they have money and fame, people are generally more likely to cosign on the stupidity than question it. In a perfect world, we’d see more people getting help for their issues. Sadly, those issues have been around for generations.
It’s amazing to me how some people that say “everybody (even if it is Chris Brown) deserves a second chance” back tracks when said person get’s a “second chance”.
I don’t think that’s it. Last I heard about Chris Brown he was still flipping out on folks. Everyone deserves a second chance, but IMO, that chance gonna cost. You’re not going to bust my head open, say you’re sorry, and that be the end. Something has to actually change (mind, attitude, POV), or else both parties are putting themselves right back in the same situation. That what appears to be happening from my POV. Perhaps they have received intensive counseling; I just ain’t heard about it.
I think we have all been spoiled by social media displaying people’s lives 24/7 and when we miss out on a little bit of information we feel cheated. Who is to say that Rihnna and Chris Brown haven’t gown through intensive counseling separately as well as together? Just because it hasn’t been put out their publicly doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened.
There’s no arguing with that; I agree. But everything else has been put out there; why would that be suppressed? I recall some conversation about CB going to anger management; if anything that type of information would enhance his image and not detract from it.
Please excuse my typos, my fingers are getting ahead of my thoughts. With that said do you remember not to long ago all a gangsta rapper had to do was have his name mentioned in connection with a murder or some othere crime, to help garner more sales? Most of the time if it the gangsta rapper was found to be innocent some people would look at him as not being real. Well we live in a society that idolize the bad guy and for some people it would take away from his bad boy image/appeal if they knew he went through counseling.
” Well we live in a society that idolize the bad guy and for some people it would take away from his bad boy image/appeal if they knew he went through counseling. ”
This makes me think of how the Hollywood machine eats up and spits out celebrities. When the next batch of celebrities come forth, no one will care about Chris Brown and his career or Rihanna and her career.
Exactly, once the new crop of “the next best thing” comes out CB and Rihanna will be has beens.
Yes and have you seen how Black celebrity has-beens are doing? A number of them are not doing so well. Some are good. A number aren’t, because while they were in the Hollywood machine they didn’t learn how to protect their assets, secure passive income for when the job was over, and no longer have the friends they thought they did. The same friends co-signing on foolishness are gone when the money runs out and when people no longer care about defending them against negative comments from the public & media.
I just don’t see this sentiment applying to CB. Is he a bad boy? He has blonde hair and does str!pper dances.
Since CB used Rihanna as a sparing partner, acting a fool on Good Morning America and his defiance/arrogance gives him a bad boy appeal to some.
i’ve been thinking about abuse as a form of conditioning, of brainwashing, of indoctrination into something less than human. both Rihanna and Chris were shown this darkness as children, witnessing those who promised to protect them betray that trust. and the result of this horror is something that few people comprehend: the brain is literally altered.
a new wave of thought patterns occur, both conscious and unconsciously, forever trying to justify the abuse by blaming the self and re-enacting it by proxy. victims of abuse live in a vicious netherworld, where they are trapped by their own thoughts, by emotional currents too powerful for words. this is not love, not even close, but they never knew love, they never knew trust, they never knew respect, and their integrity was violated, their innocence stolen from them.
now they are adults, in as much as they are physically grown, but emotionally they are stuck where the abuse first started. Chris and Rihanna are acting out their most destructive selves, ruled by pathologies, supported by enablers, criticized and condemned without compassion or understanding.
i know what it is to live a life of abuse, and the agony of learning how to reprogram yourself. imagine that you don’t actually know what is real and what is an illusion. imagine that you pursue nightmares thinking them dreams. that Chris and Rihanna do this on the world’s stage is a powerful thing. it asks us to look deeper into what abuse is—and this is a very important thing.
they are both victims. and for being victims we castigate them with shame. this is why they both have fuhhk the world attitudes. because condemnation destroys, not heals.
This. Alladis. Thank you for breaking it down. Sadly, I’ve seen this mindset live and in color, and it’s not a pretty sight.
Yes the brain literally creates altered pathways as a result of the abuse. The regions of the brain that deal with the feeling of peace and safety is altered. The body is flooded with chemicals that puts them in fight or flight mode, survivalist mode. In an abusive environment, you try to make the abuser happy and bond with the abuser in order to feel safe. It is easy for abuser and abused to get into the “Us against the world” mentality when they become adults who are told that their system is not healthy, is dangerous, shouldn’t happen.
Whitney was loyal to Bobby until a switch clicked in her mind after her daughter said “This is not right. You cannot accept this” after seeing her mama get spit on and reading about her father having affairs. She got out and set boundaries so that she wouldn’t find herself back in this system.
“i’ve been thinking about abuse as a form of conditioning, of brainwashing, of indoctrination into something less than human.”
this is why i feel so strongly about this. i don’t want them both conditioned further and forever thinking this is the norm.
Why are people so mad at his redemption? It’s his fans that made it possible for him to be in the position that he is in now.
What disturbed me most was scanning twitter & Facebook during the Grammys and seeing posts about how “Chris could beat them if he wanted too cause he’s so fine, blah blah…” That goes back to the whole pretty people privilege thing. Chris gets a pass… and could still have a decent pick of women who would take abuse, just bc of who he is.
I can see CB being the poster child for abusers… “Rihanna forgave Chris baby, so you should forgive me. Here’s some ice for that eye…”
The way I feel about Chris Brown in general is that he’s a great entertainer. Talented dude. But, what I feel about this situation is bigger than him. What upsets me beyond the fact that hurt Rihanna is the aftermath of it all. The tweets with girls (and WOMEN) saying he can beat them anytime scared the living bejeebus outta me. And this is why, thought folks may not like it, these entertainers are role models. And while Chris may not necessarily want to have this pressure, it was bestowed upon him by default. If you have enough influence to sell records, then you also have enough influence to make a positive change in the young girl’s life who is BUYING your records. That’s the way it is, has always been, and will always be.
The tweets with girls (and WOMEN) saying he can beat them anytime scared the living bejeebus outta me.
this is soooooooooooo heartbreaking!!!! if i have a daughter, i hope to raise her so she NEVER even thinks so lowly of herself for even a millisecond to believe this behavior is ok.
Exactly. The fact that it was happening in the FIRST place was so scary, but was SO jarring was that there were so many echoing of those thoughts. Like, it was a huge amount of people reiterating these feelings. So very sad…
” The tweets with girls (and WOMEN) saying he can beat them anytime scared the living bejeebus outta me.”
Scared me because it speaks to the lack of self-protection/self-preservation, self-value in a person to say that. And if a girl, woman, boy, man has no protection of themselves, the world or someone in it will destroy them.
I wish people would give it a rest already. Maybe it’s a PR move, or that they still love each other, who knows. But breezy and ri ri are both still young and have time on their side. It amazes me how the media can give people like Charlie Sheen, mickey rooney and Sean Penn and pass for literally beating the dog sh*t out of their women on a regular basis, but not CB. He was wrong for what he did and just like with michael vick, both owned up and accepted the consequences for their actions…they just don’t deserve redemption(according to their critics).
Face it, its human nature to rise up and overcome obstacles. We are not meant to suffer and be stuck in the stagnant zone forever. I wish people would understand that there is a thing called humility and forgiveness. Isn’t that what we wanted in the first place?
I doubt that “getting caught” in the media motivates some people to change. Some people just hide their dirt better, bribe some people to not tell. The change has to happen internally. Its not going to happen just because they got caught. The media was quick to help promote the blame of Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson’s actions on drugs and alcohol. I do not trust the media machine.
I don’t like what Chris Brown did to Rihanna… I’m never going to advocate a man putting his hands on a woman.
HOWEVER, I DO NOT believe Chris Brown should be punished for the rest of his life.
Everyone makes mistakes and idiotic decisions. Should you be held publicly responsible for every mistake that you’ve ever made? Could you bare that?
I feel like people have given more leniency to murders and child abusers than Chris Brown is currently revenging… Really, I guess what I’m wondering is… What makes him so special ?
I’m not saying he deserves grace- but a little forgiveness and mercy couldn’t hurt. Shit.
So what that Drake video in Jamaica about Chris and Robyn? Does this mean Robyn is going to blow Drake’s brains out with a .22 while Chris watches? Only this time it’ll be set in Virginia, I suppose.
I HATE this POS. And let me tell you why.
Duh, he beat on a woman. Not hit, BEAT. But I’m all about forgiveness and giving people second chances, so I can’t be all that judgmental. Except…
I CAN! WHY? BECAUSE HE’S SHOWN NO DAMN REMORSE! And on top of that, NO DAMN HUMILITY!
“I got a grammy now! F*ck the haters!” Like shut the hell up, seriously. What kind of grace is that? So not only are you a damn misogynist and woman beater, you are a braggard as well. I hate him so damn much that I’ve tweeted him and told him to grow a pair. I even told him it was ironic he wished Rihanna a happy birthday on twitter considering that he tried to kill her. Yeah, not mature, but I don’t care. I really don’t like him.
Again, I wouldn’t be so judgmental if he showed some growth, but he hasn’t. In his mind, SHE made HIM mad, so SHE made HIM do it. Man the eff up and admit that YOU are solely responsible for YOUR actions.
And I can’t help but think what he would have done had she not gotten out of that car. He would have killed her. I can’t stand him and I will continue to throw shade at him even if he beats the crap out of me too.
i can feel soooo much of this comment. i was like this not too long ago. but ive gone from angry at Chris Brown and #TeamBreezy to feeling a bunch of pity. like, its really tragic to watch this farse he’s putting on, and all the many ppl who encourage the shenanigans. smh
I also feel pity, Gem Jones. I always feel sorry for people who just don’t see that they have problems. I feel a mixture of anger and pity for those who think that everyone is wrong but they are right.
And just to clarify, no, I wouldn’t full-blown forgive him if he was some gracious winner. If I thought he grew up, changed his ways, felt genuinely bad for what he did, then I’d cut him some slack. I didn’t like Mike Tyson for MANY MANY years and it was only after seeing interviews where he’s owned up to what he’s done and seemed sorry that I was like “he still did what he did, but he’s grown.” I could be wrong about Mike too because perception isn’t always reality, but just like Chris I thought Mike was an immature prick for years. Then again, my opinion doesn’t really matter. Maybe I’m just worked up because these people aren’t the only ones going through what they’re going through.
FYI, I am NOT a Rihanna fan. Can’t stand her. Doesn’t mean I want her beat down, though.
+1
I’m concerned with how easily I’m beginning to be able to write something and feel nothing.
^^^This is why i fux with you, Champ. You are real with yourself.
Hasn’t the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger been accused of sexual assualt/rape on two ocassions? It does’t seem that his career has been that impacted in a negative way.
“Perhaps it’s not a bad thing to teach kids at an early age that popular guys and pretty girls will have advantages that normal folks just don’t.”
Also a reason why I am so angry about this and feel so strongly. That’s the bottom line.
IMO this whole doing a song together is a controversial move from two controversial move to keep both of their names in the forefront. Controversy sells and both of their camps have figured out how to capitalize on it.
As far as the incident, people can quote police reports, look at picture evidence, and listen to second hand accounts of what happened. But the only people who know are the two people involved. Also, I’m trying to figure out why people feel the need to have someone they know absolutely nothing about to prove to THEM that they’ve changed. The only person’s forgiveness he should have sought was the woman that he assaulted, his family’s and hers.
Society becomes so enamored with famous people, they feel an entitlement to those people’s lives. Have your opinions about the situation and the aftermath, but stop acting like people should prove to YOU personally that they are a changed person when you have no knowledge of who that person is aside from what shown in front of the cameras.
I disagree; the people who he doesn’t know personally are the people who buy his albums and tickets to his shows. I suppose he doesn’t have to show his fans anything; they may accept him as he is. But for an entertainer whose fan base is his/her bread and butter, it makes sense to not let people hate you.
True fans will support you no matter what. Look at R. Kelly.
Alladis.
I think this happens because people take personally the foul things celebrities do when they have personal feelings (and history) on the topic.
I don’t expect everyone to forgive Chris Brown and move on simply because some people used to get beaten by a lover or watched someone they love go through this, or know someone whose lover killed them.
This is why some people care and why some people will always be angry with Chris Brown. It is no different than if your family is still angry with your ex because he slapped you and kicked you back in 1995.
People have varying levels of forgiveness and some people do not believe in forgiveness at all. It is their right.
What I don’t get is why someone feels a celebrity owes them anything personally. And I certainly don’t feel as if I owe a celebrity anything either.
I don’t need to forgive Chris Brown cause he didn’t beat my ass. If his actual victim forgives him, that’s on her and has nothing to do with anyone else. I don’t like R. Kelly but I don’t need him to make amends to me. I don’t support him or his music anymore and that’s as far as it goes.
People that get that emotionally invested in the lives of strangers need to reevaluate some things. Seriously.
You have a point and I used to think the same way until he threw a damn chair out the window, endangering people other than Rihanna. I’m not saying that if I’m not personally invested in something I wouldn’t care for it. I care about a lot of things that don’t directly affect me, but I did have the opinion that if Rihanna chose to forgive him then so be it. I no longer think that way because a) he is still a danger to society and b) this isn’t a situation of two strangers. This happens in our immediate personal lives, albeit with different characters.
I just want to know if any of you know someone who physically abused someone else or was physically abused by someone else ONE TIME.
I don’t know anyone like that. Don’t these things repeat themselves in the majority of cases? I would think so.
That’s why the quickness of the redemption is scary. This was probably not a one-time event/won’t be a one-time event, that’s why it’s hard to move on and accept him.
Because if the ish happened again we’d be kicking ourselves for how quickly we all “got over it” and isn’t it very likely to happen again?
Thank you MJoy for saying that. Also this explains how good people can find themselves in an abusive relationship. All the rationale used “he said he was sorry” “he did what the courts told him to do” “he has redeemed himself” is exactly what women in abusive relationships tell themselves and go through *repeatedly*.
People want to see the best in someone and want to believe they will stop doing destructive things simply because they got caught, got punished, did their community service and probation duty.
Sadly, in college, my roommate was both the victim and the perp. I mean they took turn beating each other’s a$$. In the worse case, the girlfriend literally just walked in and started way-laying him. It was not dissimilar to what happened to Rihanna that fateful night. The one reason I didn’t pull her away was because I was afraid of being the Big Black Guy tackling a White Woman.
It’s some scary ish man. You’re always thinking what if things really go down, and someone ends up in the hospital. It was bad enough the cops got called a few times.
Late opinions…
First, I’m not a fan of Chrihanna. Never was; likely never will be.
That said, people need to leave these two alone and let them work out whatever issues they have however they choose. They are young and I think if they had been allowed to play out their relationship in their own time they likely would have moved on and past each other by now.
All this forcing them apart has added some unnecessary Romeo/Juliet sht that makes this couple seem more tragic and romantic than it really is.
“All this forcing them apart has added some unnecessary Romeo/Juliet sht that makes this couple seem more tragic and romantic than it really is.”
That’s true! I feel that’s what made her want him even more! The lure of the forbidden. Her handlers probably didn’t even think about that.
I guess money and fame trumps reason….once again!
If he hurts her again she may not say anything…and things will be a lot worse. She’ll feel ashamed for having gone back to him to begin with and not want to let anyone know about the abuse.
Second, even if he doesn’t hit her, the media is going to over analyze any scar, bruise, red eye, pimple and mosquito bite to the point where the world will think she is. This could be so unattractive for the both of them that they’ll both lose popularity.
I kind of think of these kind of relationships like drugs. When you have a recovering addict, they are counseled to stay away from all drugs. Leave a clean life. It takes a while for an alcoholic to be able to go back inside a bar without getting a drink. So, I wonder about these relationships. Can he be redeemed/recover from this? Sure he can…but even if he is “recovering” is it wise for him to go back to the source. Can he have a real, functioning relationship with another woman? Yes, I think there is hope for him. But can they go back to each other this way? I don’t know.
Speaking of teaching the children, and attention-craving young ladies, have you checked out this article yet? ‘Dear Young Ladies Who Love Chris Brown So Much They Would Let Him Beat Them’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYh61VBTVuw
Crap, wrong link! http://therumpus.net/2012/02/dear-young-ladies-who-love-chris-brown-so-much-they-would-let-him-beat-them/