I came across this fascinating, yet seemingly hyperbolic, article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution about difficult economic times are increasing the number of women trying to get on the pole. And people say the recession is a problem; anything that puts more women on a pole is alright with me. While I think that some of the financial “facts” are indeed debatable, the fact is, strippers get that dough – especially in Atlanta. In fact, in Black America when people think stripping they think Atlanta. Gentlemen, guard your daughters. If she really wants to move to Atlanta but has yet to apply to Spelman, I hate to tell you but she’s gonna be making it clap more than 40 Negroes at a houseparty when Soho Earth People’s “Hot Music” comes on.
Hot muuuuuuuusic. (Anybody else notice that this song always sounds better when followed up by Aly-Us’s “Follow Me”?)
Here’s a snippet of the economics in the article:
The strip club economy
Clubs: U.S.: 3,829
Metro Atlanta: 19
Economic impact: U.S. $15 billion
Metro Atlanta: $240 million-plus
Employment: U.S.: 500,000
Estimated annual earnings of Atlanta dancers: $20 million
Anybody else surprised that there are only 19 strip clubs in metro Atlanta? Me too. But if true, damn that’s good money.
Well this got me to thinking. People often joke that when times get tough, women should start stripping. Truth is….that’s true. There are so many upsides and really the only downside is that whole self-esteem, sense of self-worth bull malarkey. Face it, pride and options are for rich and beautiful people. If you were either, you wouldn’t be thinking about stripping, now would you?
Oh, the upsides: cash business (avoid some of those pesky taxes through self-reporting), you get to meet really nice people who really care about you, you get to stay up on the newest music, and the coup de grace, you get to TOTALLY be a dancer as your profession! Take that Alvin Ailey.
As if.
While I’d totally suggest to any woman out there to hit the pole when times get tough, there are other job options when times get tough, and there not all just for women. Men are feeling the brunt of the storm too. Right now, it really is hard out here for a pimp. Which brings me to number one.
1) Prostitute
Most women claim to love sex anyway, might as well get paid for it. And not with fancy dinners to Olive Garden, either. Of course, you might have to pay a cut to some guy with a perm, a pinky ring, and really long fingernails, but every job has its issues. Though I can’t lie, having a boss named Sweet Curly Gloom Hand Jones might make me rethink that whole hoin’ thing. Luckily, I got one hangin’ and two swangin’.
2) Customer Service Representative
Preferably for Verizon or some other such f*ckery of a company. While I realize that most people loathe customer service, there is no better job security right now. With nearly everything going digital, people are prone to have issues. There’s ALWAYS a job available because in effect, people don’t know how to properly plug sh*t in. Of course, you’ll have to move to India or Kazakhstan and name yourself “Bobby” or “Mary” but whatever, it’s for the kids.
3) Funeral Home employee or director
When times get tough, people start kickin’ off faster than three Brazilians with a ball and an open field. Much like taxes, death is the only other guarantee in life. Even crappy funeral homes get business because wheredeydodatat? Crappy parts of town. Of course, the “I see dead people” joke probably gets old 2 seconds after you start working there but you get to totally lay in caskets and pretend to be a vampire. Rar.
4) Bartender
This one is surprising because people tend to drink less, well, less expensively during an economic downtime, however, if you’re the bartender and your life is sucking, you’ve got all the liquor you need at your own disposal to drink away the pain. You might get fired for drinking on the job, but hell, you could always go strip.
5) Pedi – cab operator in NYC
If you live in Boise this is probably not an option, but these cats ALWAYS have customers. It’s probably because there are a lot of sadists out there who get some kind of sick pleasure out of making some guy work his heart out for 10 bucks and 2 blocks. Of course, if you do take this kind of job you’re probably a bit masochistic anyway so its a perfect match since S & M go together like Rihanna and eye jammies.
Those are a few suggestions. Good workers of VSB, have you any occupational suggestions for our economically strapped community members?
Put it on the glass.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
am i first.. Yaaaasss *jersey shore fist pump* and iDied at the brokephibroke tag.
often times in undergrad my roomies and I would contemplate doing a quick run to ATL to make some cash *smh* then we got serious about life and put in more hours at Target, lol!
I once joked that if I could, I’d be a plus-sized stripper. My name? Double Stuff Oreo. Now looking at this jacked up economy and being non working for 2 years, the idea is starting to look sorta attractive…lol!
I’ve scoured Craigslist for one time gigs to make some quick cash. Sold some stuff and most of all the dreaded temp agencies.
@Jade (not a prOn) Star,
Lmao- “Double Stuff Oreo”…
Though I will say there prob is a market for that. I mean if ppl can get paid off of turning a bathrobe around and callin it a Snuggie, I’m sure you can get a bunch of dudes to make it rain at a club to see BBW drop it like its hot!
@Jade (not a prOn) Star,
Set up a fetish site, pose for pics, autograph worn clothing, do vid chats, etc. You would probably make more than stripping, and not have to worry about backstage politics, patrons, and other strippers trying to take your cookie.
That sounds like an even better idea!
@Jade (not a prOn) Star,
“Double Stuff Oreo.”
Team Chunk, what it do?!??!
@miss t-lee,
Lawd.
ROFLOL!
I’m going to have to agree to disagree.
The bartending/alcohol industry is booming! My client, who is a real estate agent, has a client (who bought a house from her) that owns a wine shop and she told me they are overloaded. They can’t keep stuff in stock because those who “are in a recession” are buying bottles in bulk.
What’s the point of my comment???
Ladies, please get off that pole and open up a liquor store. There will always be drunks in the world. Always!
angel
@Angel,
A step further would be to open up a winery. Preferably near a metro area with a few colleges within earshot.
1) Delivery Man- One could deliver pizzas in blizzardy conditions. What more exciting job. I love driving.
2) Barber- One could undercut all the other barbers, $5-8 haircuts, not to mention the great deals(stolen stuff) that comes through the shop.
3) Po-Po- Once again you get to drive all day and abuse your privileges. Get discounts on everything. N!ggaz always acting up=always need popo.
4) Party Promoter- Promoting parties isn’t to hard. Be in the right place at the right time.
5) Some rich, white Georgetown woman’s boy toy- Sounds like the best job for a black brother. Loans/tuition paid, free food, a few shopping sprees, and a freaky white milf…I can dig it
Foster parent: I know it sounds fucked up to start taking kids in because of the economy, but those kids can really supplement your income. Keep your receipts, and get reimbursed for nearly everything, have access to vouchers from Sears “Balling!”, and on top of that you get paid. All you have to do is take a class or two, and welcome a child into your home.
Setting up entertainment for kids birthday parties – my cousin set this up as a business for rich folks in LA and was getting paid up to $1000 for a few hrs and said it was really easy money.
Co-sign with bartender/liquor store – Since the recession hit, most people I know are drinking a lot more
1. Catering: people always need to eat. Businesses and organizations and whatnot will always be throwing events to impress people or raise awareness or just to have a good muthaf*ckin time where they don’t have to cook or clean sh*t up. I work for a catering company during the summers and we never had a shortage of business. It’s good money and it’s kinda fun. Plus, YOU get to eat what you make (or at least I do), so that’s meals for days for broke students like me.
2. Sell drugs.@P., drug dealer is so passe, I prefer the term “pharmaceutical broker”
@Neighborhood Hussy,
Or “urban pharmaceutical sales rep”.
@Neighborhood Hussy,
lol, I never said drug dealer. I just wrote the job description; you’re certainly free to call it whatever you want.
@ P. & @ Leila,
I actually work for an event planning and catering company, so I can actually give the low down on this. Events is one of the areas that has been hit pretty hard. While yes, there are certain events that will always happen, they are trying to make them happen on sometimes less than 1/2 the budget. Our Christmas was pretty bad in 09 (in comparison to other years). Most of my brides postponed their weddings to this summer (or even 2011).
It’s been busy in the 1st 2 months of the year, but busy can also be defined as lots more inquiries and proposals being written and not a lot of confirmations. Things are also considerably more last minutes than they used to be. Which places lots of stress on the kitchen and service staff. (Not to mention me!)
When it comes to non-profits, catering companies have to slash their actual prices considerably if they want to get the job (ie: a 600 guest gala I’m working on, their budget is $37/pp when the menu is easily $50+). How charitable we are depends on how much other business we brought in, and the long term of being nice (will it lead to other events).
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my job – but there is more to it than meets the eye from an internal standpoint.
Planning kids’ parties sounds like fun, until you get the parents that have a $125,000 budget (Bar Mitzvah) and want to spend more money on photography than food. (And yes, I’m dealing with that right now…I need to set up business in the little Israel part of town!!). I blame MTV’s my super sweet 16/party mamas/TLC for false advertising and plain ole keepin up with the jones’ syndrome.
Love that song (Hot Music), but in what strip club have you seen a stripper dance to house? (waiting…) Btw, I miss ATL for black house clubs (where I do not recall a pole).
Ihateyouforthispost. The only one I would seriously consider is bartending. No matter how broke people get, they love to drown their sorrows in liquor. Bartending at a cool neighborhood dive bar could actually pull in a little extra steady dough.When I worked in a pub in Atlanta, I had this regular customer who would come in every single day after work and order 4 or 5 Stellas. She would tell me her life story and ask me questions like, “why do black women dye their hair blonde?” I put up with it because she always tipped at least 40%. Those were good times. And don’t get me started on trivia nights. GTech students with daddy’s credit card– suhweet!
@Miss Patterson,
I’ve been kicking that bartending idea around for a few years now…lol
@Miss Patterson, I like miss t lee also considered bartending as a side hustle.
I’m about to start bartending school next week. It goes against all of my Third-Wave Feminist tendencies but f*ck Foucault. I’m tryin to get this money, because an English degree and an in-depth knowledge of 20th century French linguists isn’t gonna pay Sallie Mae.
Vices always grow in a bad economy (ex. Great Depression taxi dancers). Why do you think the brokest guy in the club is always the one in the freshest Jordans and the most jewelry?
It used to be that teaching was the job to have in tough economies, but just today HISD said they might have to lay off like 400 teachers, so I would posit wife (or trophy-wife if you’re awesome) as a good job,if you can land it. If one is inclined to think of marriage as a business proposition.
AWESOME TROPHY WIFE…Wink!
Ooh…what about marketing yourself as someone’s black friend.Economic success comes from feeling niches. Let’s be real there comes a time in most 2520 celebrity lives where they slip up and say something…of coloured…what better way to help them regain or gain black friends than by being theirs? Stephen Colbert had one and look at how great he’s doing…would that other celebrities (John Mayer) had employed a black friend.
@KayBeezy,
“would that other celebrities (John Mayer) had employed a black friend.”
That dude is catching flak over nothing.
@Humble_One, I think he had poor choice black friends, cause clearly he was too comfortable in his choice of words… but I agree catching flack over nada
I agree. Being a literate member of society, I read the interview and didn’t think it was that serious. People look for reasons to be mad and offended.So it goes.
you can always get a nanny job, 2520′s are always hiring for that, and if you happen to NOT be a part of the paler nation, that’s way mo better, cause then the rich azz parents can feel like they’re doing something wonderful for the Black folks again while also fulfilling their fantasy of having their own personal “mammy”….oh and BTW- I heart Aly-Us’s “Follow Me”…..bestest house song ever
I say we should just go back to better days and throw house (rent) parties. Everyone would be employed. The stripper, bartender, big black guy at the door. You’d charge little at the door but then feel good about yourself by keeping all drunks to one secluded area. I bet you could even get Christopher (Kid) Reid to come. He could use the publicity.
@Dior, bet you could even get Christopher (Kid) Reid to come. He could use the publicity.
I heard they was on Monique show the other night…seriously if that’s the case .., i think they have the publicity thing down
@bajanflchick, I don’t necessarily consider Monique’s Show ample publicity. I mean I’m not one to bring a sista down, but her screaming gets to me every time. If I can only take some of the episode, how many others are doing the same?
@Dior, If I can only take some of the episode, how many others are doing the same?
so right about that, I don’t watch myself but I have heard and I would never want to take any of the shine away from “Kid or Play”…what was i thinking? *Kanye shrugs*
Baby Huey huh? I see you PJack.
Niiiice.
“Of course, the “I see dead people” joke probably gets old 2 seconds after you start working there but you get to totally lay in caskets and pretend to be a vampire. Rar.”
*Dead*
PJ you know you wrong on like Dante’s inferno levels with this one, you know this right?
btw “pride and options are for rich and beautiful people” im dead
My fantasy is to be a stripper for a day…….I have always imagined myself in that environment….maybe, do an amateur night. I couldn’t work there on no regular..unless, they have a “cougar” fridays….lol. I KID….I do co-sign the bartending gig. I did that in my early years and its good money…also being a server/waitress is good for some extra money and flexible hours, too…..
I just took a pole dance class for the first time and was sore for three days. Forget stripping. Them chicks gotta work too hard. I’ll take it back old school and be the neighborhood candy lady or something…
@Deanna Divine,
“I’ll take it back old school and be the neighborhood candy lady or something…”
Cool cups!!!!
@miss t-lee,
It’s all about the Cherry Sours for me. And Nowalaters.
@Deanna Divine,
Jawbreakers and lemonheads.
@Deanna Divine,
“It’s all about the Cherry Sours for me. ”
Yes! My coworker brought some cherry sours and folks were crowding around our work area like crackheads crawling on the floor. Those mofos are delicious!
@Deanna Divine,
“I’ll take it back old school and be the neighborhood candy lady or something…”
Best answer ever. I loved Fruities/Chews. My candy-prone self still gets giddy like a little kid everytime I see the man on the street selling bags of penny candy. Yeah, I’ll take 80 bags please. And a pack of face towels. But, I don’t see any neighborhood candy ladies anymore. It makes me hella sad and nostalgic. Like, it would be super awesome to be a neighborhood lady. I’d be racking up on sales everyday. Hell, I’d sell candy on Halloween night. I know that’s triflin’ but it’s hard out there. lol
@Cheekie,
“Hell, I’d sell candy on Halloween night. I know that’s triflin’ but it’s hard out there.”
Actually, Cheekie, you’re not that far off. If you remember, the candy lady NEVER took a day off. She was open on Easter, Mother’s Day and Christmas. She had the best candy, cool cups and pickles too (at least in Georgia).
BTW, can anyone tap Panama Jackson. I need my “welcome and sh*t”. Been waiting all my life for that. Lurked for months…
@Deanna Divine,
“Actually, Cheekie, you’re not that far off. If you remember, the candy lady NEVER took a day off.”
Truth. Thing is, I probably won’t sell sh*t because those little gremlins will be getting candy for free that night. Maybe I should set up shop on a block where folks don’t answer their doorbells on Halloween or some ish.
“BTW, can anyone tap Panama Jackson. I need my “welcome and sh*t”. Been waiting all my life for that. Lurked for months…”
Or Champ. But then again, you’d probably get a whiff of his deez (no bueno). Yeah, probably better off with PJ…
@ Deanna Divine,
If a candy lady/man can make that Charm pop with a Jolly Rancher stick melted around that lollipop…shieeeeeedddddd! Some get extra and wrap it around a Now & Later and a Charm Pop. If I could get my hands on another one of those….Lemme tell ya…I’d be lookin’ for said candy person in the daytime with a flashlight.
Off the top of my head:
- Military. Yeah yeah I know the black man doesn’t have a place in the white man’s army yadda yadda…. believe me I’m no advocate of the armed forces and i don’t condone war but hey its a guaranteed job, free travel, benefits, etc. Plus from what i hear the navy and the air force do basically nothing. They rarely are in combat.. The navy just sails around the world.. guess its cool if you don’t mind being on a ship for months at a time with all men lol
- Server/bartender – I can definitely cosign to this. Did it during undergrad, had crazy money. Especially being a server in a “upscale” restaurant. Its basically free money. All you’re doing is being nice and bringing food to people. It’s so easy. Just don’t work in any ghetto establishment, i love my people but sorry to say they’re cheap as f*uck
Once again, Panama, the picture makes the post. Hilarious. When I saw the title, I knew what the picture was going to be before it even loaded.
“Face it, pride and options are for rich and beautiful people.”
This is so true. I’m in Detroit and we’ve been feeling this recession way before the rest of the country. At one point I valet at a restaurant just to get some extra bread. Another time I went back to hustling(illegal). In the beginning I was embarassed to work at retail, hustling, and so on. I felt that since I was educated I didn’t have to do these things. I didn’t think that way for too long. Life has a way of putting your @ss in place. After a while I got over myself, realized that I’m not special, and that my situation is temporary.
Those are a few suggestions. Good workers of VSB, have you any occupational suggestions for our economically strapped community members?
1) Stand outside look pitiful and beg for change. Although I think you may have a lot of competition now.
2) Be a phone h*e.
3) Have your own webcast where men can see you walk around the house naked
4) bootlegging
5) have your own after hours spot.
@Humble_One,
“4) bootlegging”
Word. And to add to this, please have screeners and not that shaky-video-camera-in-the-theater bullsh*t because most folks done already stepped their game up on that one by now.
FakeDisclaimer: Not that I support that or anything.@Humble_One, “Have your own webcast where men can see you walk around the house naked” Lmao – When my last contract was ending abruptly short due to the recession, “the team” all clowned about creating a foot-fetish website. Set up camera’s at various places around the house and cam-away – just on my feet/toes. Getting advertisers for foot products, etc. I’m sure it’s been done, but we had fun brainstorming the idea. Hilarious.
“4) Bartender”
This one must have been caught on because my little (and fave) cousin is tryin’ to become a bartender. Went to get certified and ish and is having a tough time getting a job as one. Sure he’s inexperienced, but I think it’s mostly because just about everybody and their grandma is also tryin’ to be one. I’m mad on his behalf because I love him
and because I’m missin’ out on I’m-related to-a-bartender perks.When I was in Times Square I noticed a lot of people dressed as Sponge Bob, Elmo, Hello Kitty and the like posing in pics with people for tips….Seems like a pretty easy side hustle to me. From what I saw those folks were making a killing.
@klysha,
I’m constantly amazed at what ppl will do for money, and even more amazed at what ppl will pay for. I think the dressing up-as-a-cartoon-character thing might only work in NYC…in other cities, you might get attention, but I doubt you’d make any money.
@DG, Tell that to Spongebob on Hollywood Blvd
Interesting that you found stats to back up the strip club economy angle. I was watching a 2010 episode of HBO’s Real Sex that spoke about this topic. They profiled a lady who was a former executive in a financial institution who was downsized. They showed her backstage and making her debut on the pole. If I remember correctly, she said the money was comparable to her executive income.
She was also using the opportunity to network. I’m not sure if a financial firm exec. would hire her (for the right reasons) after having met her there, but I won’t knock her hustle. Imagine the office gossip on that one.
1. Massage therapist (needn’t be a happy ender, but I’m sure that would result in serious tips. Ladies can opt to massage only other ladies if there’s some squeamishness.)
2. Pet sitter: hit the gentryhoods; there’s always wps on vacation needing that sort of service. In particular, wait for major music festivals for takers (SXSW, Coachella, Bonaroo, etc.).
3. Crafts n sh!t – people will pay ridiculous $ for unique handmade crap. THose Japanese-style stuffed animals are hot as hell now. Check out that regretsy site if you don’t believe me. Plus, you wouldn’t even need to leave your home for that…also, ties into that nod to crocheting in that previous post.
4. Slinger – as long as you don’t have kids, live near a school, or have a record.
4.
@Darth Paul,
“SXSW”
Yep– they are taking apps now…if it didn’t clash with my work /school schedule I would be all over it…lol
@Darth Paul,
F*ck that…happy endings included…
Craigslist/Backpage…adult services…massage therapists/escorts…get to gettin it
I would sell the h3ll out of my dack if i knew how to get into it.
According to one of the other posts crocheting is the lik… do dat!
Write
Or whatever else it is people tell you that you could make money doing, but make sure you’re actually good at it, get outside opinions from actual strangers. Theres no need to look stupid in the process.
Ice Cream Man: When’s the last time you saw a good ol’ fashioned ice cream man? I don’t care where you grew up, most hoods had an ice cream man…all you need is a truck, a portable freezer, Sno-cones and ice cream sandwiches and you’re in business.Take it one step further, and start selling sodas & candy, weaves, EBT cards, baby formula/breast milk, etc. If you’re real enterprising, you can sell some other *product out the truck too (lookin at you, Jeezy…). I mean, why go to the corner store if the corner store can come to you? A tried and true hustle, I tell ya’…
I will bartend, be a telemarketer, pull carts in at Target, throw small boxes around at FedEx, or heck feed tigers at the zoo before I drive into the parking lot for employment at the Booty Clappers Galore club. To each his/her own.
@Jamaica,
“employment at the Booty Clappers Galore club”
Does such a club exist? Where, pray tell, is this located?
To bartend and make scrill, you have to be experienced. It is extremely hard for a green bartender to get hired. In a period of unemployment, I went to bartending school thinking I could do that until I found something that complimented my experience, training and education. I was mistaken. To do it and really have a side hustle you gotta bar-back and probably work for free while you are in bartending school so you have some connections (if you don’t or didn’t before) and some kind of experience. Plus, some bartenders only work off tips. Oh, and don’t believe the hype of bartending schools talking about they have job placement. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but have your plan in order if you are really depending on bartending to help out. Time is money and have it be worth your time.
@ DG
I thought that there was one in every urban city with a good-sized AA population.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzY3QV6MkGs
This also came to mind….
” Luckily i got, one hangin’ & two swangin’ ”
*so dead*
love you for that .
GOOD MONEY In A Town.
WEALTHY & BEAUTIFUL
Sell a egg (or two)
I’m not talking about the ones in your fridge either. Serious business. Ladies bet. 18-34, check with fertility clinics about becoming egg donors. You can get up to 10k an egg. I would damn sure be selling all of mine, but I’m alittle closer to 40 than they want you to be. Of course 2520 eggs are in high demand, and the younger you are the better, but its certainly worth looking into.