Happy Birthday, Mr. P: The 32 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson

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He thinks he's gangsta, but he's sooooo not.

People of VSB.

This is not your Champ or your Panama speaking. This is Liz, the third but non-testicled member of  #TeamVSB coming to you today for a very special occasion.

Today is a national holiday here at VSB. This is the day the Lord has made in which we celebrate the birth of the one and only Most Valuable 3, Panama Jackson (no relation to O’Shea).

*applause*

Today we give a digital toast to Peej as he turns 32.

*raises computer mouse in the air*

As one of Ps gooder friends for the past 6 or 7 years (damb, we gettin old), I feel like spilling a little tea today. Some P Tea, if you will. I’ve heard the rumblings in these e-streets: Is Panama really as gangsta as he lets on online? What’s P like when he lets his hair down? Does he put his left sock on first, or his right? I have the answers to these questions and more. In honor of Year #32, I bring you The 32 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson:

  1. He’s a real life Clark Kent meets Stefon Urquelle. Some of you have seen P at our various events, or perhaps you’ve seen him walking the mean streets of DC. That’s generally the P we all know and love. But at work? He’s a completely different person. I remember the first time I saw him at his workplace, I died laughing, wondering who this Other Dude was. There were no flashy socks, no 3 on the back of his shirt, no Chucks. Even though he’s out of uniform on the job, his alter ego look upgrades him to at least a 5.2. Don’t tell him I said that. Speaking of being a 3…
  2. He really enjoys being a 3. In real life, he doesn’t debate anyone about being a 3.  Have you ever known anyone SO PROUD to rank so low on the attractiveness scale? The man makes custom t-shirts to showcase his 3 status, for Pete’s sake.
  3. He’s a super awesome dad and very good with kids. He should win awards for his parenting skills. I wish I had kids so I could drop them off at Uncle P’s house so he could take care of them for a year an hour or two. I would totally trust P with my kids any day of the week.
  4. His apartment smells like violets and lilies. True story. Not only is P slightly OCD on keeping his apartment clean (dude has issues, yo), but he has a bunch of those AirWick pluggable aroma things all over his apartment. I think he stockpiles them.
  5. He’s the most humble asshole ever. I know he comes off as a gangsta and proverbial jerk to a lot of you. And even though he thinks too highly of himself, he often puts others before himself….to a fault. He’s working on it in Ungangsta Rehab though.
  6. He makes good music. I don’t know if he will ever share more of his musical projects with the public, but P makes really good songs and beats. They’re great for sitting poolside with a piña colada in hand. That’s what makes this fact ungangsta, in case you didn’t notice.
  7. He talks to everybody. P is not one of those bloggers who is a Chatty Patty online but is Silent Sam in person. He writes like this cuz he can back it up. He would talk to roadkill if you let him. Don’t be in a rush with P in tow. He’ll stop to talk to everyone along the way. He’s just ungangsterly and friendly like that.
  8. Much like his posts, he has Conversational ADD. You might think you’re about to engage him in a riveting conversation about moving weight, but he’ll have you talking about Cambodian breast milk in 2.508 seconds. Watch out, because he’s going to move on to talking about Chinese hurdlers in another 1.250 seconds.
  9. He’s actually smart. Some of you may wonder what the S in VSB stands for when reading Ps posts. Surprisingly, P actually has a few degrees in really-smart-people-subjects, and he does smart-people-things for a living. I know it’s hard to believe, but even I have to remind myself of this fact. Daily.
  10. He really just wants everyone to have a good time. Even if you don’t agree with him, don’t like him, hate him, curse him out….P just wants everyone to get along and have a good time. As far as he’s concerned, everybody’s sunshine should go unstolen.
  11. You  know I’m not really going to list 32 things, right? I’m gonna pull a page from Champ’s book and end this listicle early.

So, there you have it. The 32 10 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson. Shocking, I know. Now it’s your turn. When did you first realize Panama wasn’t as gangsta as he lets on?

Also, pay your birthday respects. Lurkers, give it the ole college try and de-lurk in celebration of  the birth of P and all Geminis born today.

*e-curtsies*

752 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Mr. P: The 32 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson”

  9. VSB,
    *Coming out of my dark lurking corner* Ok, ok I’ll de-lurk for this birthday celebration, from one Gemini to another Happy Birthday!!! *Going back to my corner to read past post because they are hilarious*

    Reply ↓

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