Lists, Pop Culture

Happy Birthday, Mr. P: The 32 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson

He thinks he's gangsta, but he's sooooo not.

People of VSB.

This is not your Champ or your Panama speaking. This is Liz, the third but non-testicled member of  #TeamVSB coming to you today for a very special occasion.

Today is a national holiday here at VSB. This is the day the Lord has made in which we celebrate the birth of the one and only Most Valuable 3, Panama Jackson (no relation to O’Shea).

*applause*

Today we give a digital toast to Peej as he turns 32.

*raises computer mouse in the air*

As one of Ps gooder friends for the past 6 or 7 years (damb, we gettin old), I feel like spilling a little tea today. Some P Tea, if you will. I’ve heard the rumblings in these e-streets: Is Panama really as gangsta as he lets on online? What’s P like when he lets his hair down? Does he put his left sock on first, or his right? I have the answers to these questions and more. In honor of Year #32, I bring you The 32 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson:

  1. He’s a real life Clark Kent meets Stefon Urquelle. Some of you have seen P at our various events, or perhaps you’ve seen him walking the mean streets of DC. That’s generally the P we all know and love. But at work? He’s a completely different person. I remember the first time I saw him at his workplace, I died laughing, wondering who this Other Dude was. There were no flashy socks, no 3 on the back of his shirt, no Chucks. Even though he’s out of uniform on the job, his alter ego look upgrades him to at least a 5.2. Don’t tell him I said that. Speaking of being a 3…
  2. He really enjoys being a 3. In real life, he doesn’t debate anyone about being a 3.  Have you ever known anyone SO PROUD to rank so low on the attractiveness scale? The man makes custom t-shirts to showcase his 3 status, for Pete’s sake.
  3. He’s a super awesome dad and very good with kids. He should win awards for his parenting skills. I wish I had kids so I could drop them off at Uncle P’s house so he could take care of them for a year an hour or two. I would totally trust P with my kids any day of the week.
  4. His apartment smells like violets and lilies. True story. Not only is P slightly OCD on keeping his apartment clean (dude has issues, yo), but he has a bunch of those AirWick pluggable aroma things all over his apartment. I think he stockpiles them.
  5. He’s the most humble asshole ever. I know he comes off as a gangsta and proverbial jerk to a lot of you. And even though he thinks too highly of himself, he often puts others before himself….to a fault. He’s working on it in Ungangsta Rehab though.
  6. He makes good music. I don’t know if he will ever share more of his musical projects with the public, but P makes really good songs and beats. They’re great for sitting poolside with a piña colada in hand. That’s what makes this fact ungangsta, in case you didn’t notice.
  7. He talks to everybody. P is not one of those bloggers who is a Chatty Patty online but is Silent Sam in person. He writes like this cuz he can back it up. He would talk to roadkill if you let him. Don’t be in a rush with P in tow. He’ll stop to talk to everyone along the way. He’s just ungangsterly and friendly like that.
  8. Much like his posts, he has Conversational ADD. You might think you’re about to engage him in a riveting conversation about moving weight, but he’ll have you talking about Cambodian breast milk in 2.508 seconds. Watch out, because he’s going to move on to talking about Chinese hurdlers in another 1.250 seconds.
  9. He’s actually smart. Some of you may wonder what the S in VSB stands for when reading Ps posts. Surprisingly, P actually has a few degrees in really-smart-people-subjects, and he does smart-people-things for a living. I know it’s hard to believe, but even I have to remind myself of this fact. Daily.
  10. He really just wants everyone to have a good time. Even if you don’t agree with him, don’t like him, hate him, curse him out….P just wants everyone to get along and have a good time. As far as he’s concerned, everybody’s sunshine should go unstolen.
  11. You  know I’m not really going to list 32 things, right? I’m gonna pull a page from Champ’s book and end this listicle early.

So, there you have it. The 32 10 Most Ungangsta Facts About Panama Jackson. Shocking, I know. Now it’s your turn. When did you first realize Panama wasn’t as gangsta as he lets on?

Also, pay your birthday respects. Lurkers, give it the ole college try and de-lurk in celebration of  the birth of P and all Geminis born today.

*e-curtsies*

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

California Girl turned New Yorker. MIT + USC Media/Comm nerd. Black & Navajo. I'm a laugher not a fighter. Follow me @calinative.

  • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    *gives Panama a birthday lapdance*

    • AfroPetite

      *makes it rain singles*

      get it girl!

      • ChocolateHoney

        *making it hail*- quarters

        lol :)

        • Mo-VSS

          LMAO

        • Andi

          *makes it drizzle dimes*

          … I just got out of grad school mkay….

          • WIP

            …*makes it pour pennies*

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          It’s too early for this kind of funny!

        • Masiotso

          Hilariousness

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i love birthday lapdances. in fact i went to the strip club this morning and paid for 12 of them.

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/06/03/smooth-riffs-breakupsrb/ Naturally Alise

      *throws quarters and $2 bills*

  • Medium Meech

    Happy B-Day P. And go E-<3 breaking out the writing skills on VSB!

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      <3<3!

      • Yeah…So

        get a room.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks pimp. and as has been echoed…get a room.

  • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

    Happy Birthday Panama!! I was born on the 15th(payday for some of ya’ll) of June so much love to you and us Gems

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      You share a B-day with Mama Cheeks!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks. the 15th sounds like a cool day, almost like the 3rd.

      • realfreespirit

        Gemini’s are awesome….especially those born on the 3rd of June. It’s my birthday too.
        Sending a technological toast through my laptop. My glasss of Effen on the rocks is raised to you!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          happy bday to you too!

      • Margo

        Happy Birthday Panama!!! And all the other wonderful Gems and June babies.
        Especially the ones bestowed on the earth on the 6th…Yep the 6th…6-6- baby!!!

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          We have the same birthday!!!!!!

        • MzPW

          …I’m 4 days away (6/10)…..that makes me cool! Yes…..I echo the “happy birthdayedness” as well to all those who are also cool… :-)

    • http://www.wix.com/nefdesigns/portfolio DesignerMama

      June 15th in the place to be! Gemini power – we are actually twice as better than anyone else…

      Happy Born Day Panama> ;P

      And Miss Liz, I have been a lurker waiting to get the chance to jump in the fun – thanks for the invite!

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        Aww thanks for delurking today!!!!!

        *VSB Glitter*

        • http://www.wix.com/nefdesigns/portfolio DesignerMama

          Yay! Thank you!
          BTW – you have an uncanny resemblance to Lauren London… very pretty!

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            Haaaa. Smoke, angles and mirrors, but thanks :)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        thanks Designer mama

  • naturalista88

    Happy birthday P Diddy Jackson, may you be blessed w/many more.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks homes.

  • miss t-lee

    Happy Bday! Liz, love the pic. *snickers*

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      I have much worse in my photo colection but I am granting him asylum for today.

      • miss t-lee

        Aw, you’re so nice. I would’ve did the fool for real. :)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          um, you aint right. a brotha shouldn’t get any asylum on his birthday? lol. thanks and sh*t.

    • Nameless for Now

      ROFL, I loved the pic!! Happy birthday Panama Jackson!!!

      PS. A post by Liz??? I feel like I’ve just seen a unicorn!! : D

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        thanks homey. and maybe we can convince her to do more.

  • http://www.twitter.com/frawgystyle Cheryl

    *comes out of lurker-dom*

    Happy Birthday, P Stacks.

    Many more n shit.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      *vsb glitter*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks homes. and now that you’re out of the lurker closet, you should stay awhile.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    HAPPY BIRFDAY PJ!!

    You may be an ungangsta gangsta and a 3 but you keep me laughing and I appreciate you muchly.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks. and liz just found the MOST ungangsta things about me to sully my name. lol. not only did i just commit a quadruple felony grand larceny, i ALSO just fed some ducks when there was CLEARLY a sign that said “dont feed the ducks”

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        “Ungangsta” eerily sounds like a subtitle for Ice Cube’s True Hollywood Story…may tonight be even mo’ fun than the last P. speakin’ of which…i find it odd that i don’t remember leavin’ the bar last night. had to look at receipts to put the pieces together…you know you’ve had a good time when you have play CSI the next day to recall your comings and goings. Happy Birthday Dude…[orders another round of shots.]

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          lol…i told you you needed some more water….but noooooooo….you looked at me like i cursed out your mama. lol

          • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

            believe it or not…that was followed up wit’ another 2 drinks at utopia.

  • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

    Happy birthday and shit, P. And may your birthday be a very feminine birthday.

    • http://www.twitter.com/fiveisthenumber fiveisthenumber

      Can a Nia get a slice of cake?

      • numbah5

        yes, 5 is the number!

        ~numbah5

        • http://www.twitter.com/fiveisthenumber fiveisthenumber

          indeed it is!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      preciate it pimpin

  • Stacey’s wife

    VSB,
    *Coming out of my dark lurking corner* Ok, ok I’ll de-lurk for this birthday celebration, from one Gemini to another Happy Birthday!!! *Going back to my corner to read past post because they are hilarious*

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      **VSB glitter**

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks and gemini love is the greatest kind. stay out and love me more.

      • Tx10inch

        Happy Butt Naked day PJ!! And remember if gangsta’s don’t dance, they boogie…then Ungangsta’s…um, dougie? I think!?!

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Happy born day and I wish you many more with a 1000 more successes than you’ve already had thus far in your life.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      thanks a million. i’m gonna shoot for 1001 though if that’s cool. lol

      • MrBEz25

        Happy Birfday my dude. Y’all folk keep me in tears laffin so hard Many mo’ 2 ya bruh. Fo’ the rec doe, them Aquarians be doin’ it.

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          **VSB GLITTER**

          welcome and thanks for delurking :)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          and doin it well??