Hands In The Concrete: 6 Surefire Ways To Impress A Man
Here at VSB we’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to offer women a glimpse into the minds of men. Truly, we’re not that complicated. Find us, f*ck us, and flee (ya know). It’s really that simple most of the time.
Now despite all of this free and sage pre-paid legal advice and consultation, we still get questions from women about how they might snag the attention of a particular male suitor. And being the generous, love-loving gentleman (no Ne-yo) that I am, I figure what the hell, why not give the ladies an inside track on piquing the interest of 90 percent of men out there…without their boobs.
Let’s just be real here, boobage and backstage passes ALWAYS get our interest first. But let’s say you want the guy to be interested interested. Ya know, in your mind. We here at VSB understand the womanly desire to have a man who WANTS to learn more about your mind, instead of your brains. So we shall help. I’ll offer up 6 ways to impress a man upfront so that he’s going to want to learn more about this interesting woman he’s just met.
And why is impressing us menfolks important? Well, because when people get impressed, they automatically want to learn more.
1. Know and be able to converse about hip-hop
If you’re dealing with a cat who’s really into hiphop, ACTUAL hip-hop knowledge will more than likely catch him off guard. Not just knowing that Lil Wayne exists. Martians know who Lil Wayne is. But like being able to name the entire roster of the Wu-Tang Clan. You get bonus points if you can name albums. Every chick knows who Method Man is…but i’d bet 3 out of 2,876 know who Masta Killa is. And that might be generous.
2. To piggyback off of the first one, if you have a favorite producer, a rap dude will automatically get interested
Seriously, a lot of men don’t know producers but if you’re a chick who not only knows hip-hop (actually knows albums and not just songs or “the guy…what’s his name…But Of Course?!? No wait…Mos Def!) but has a favorite producer and can run off their best works? You’ll have a dude eating out of the palm of your hand…and then….ya know. Bonus points if she likes to argue about who’s better, Pete Rock or Premier. Hmm, chicks who know Premier will win points with any dude intro rap in the 90s.
3. Know the rules to football
Generally basketball is easy to follow, but football has more rules than a Black man hanging out in West Virginia. A woman who knows the difference between encroachment and and a false start? Sheeeeeeeeit. In there like swimwear (girls callin’ me hun).
4. Be a movie buff
Not sh*t like The Legal Pad Notebook, but be able to go toe to toe from The Anchorman to Coming To America to The Godfather. Not that you’ve just seen them, but you actually watched them, can quote them, and then can apply the necessary lessons to life. Especially with movies like Scarface. A well-timed pop culture movie quote from Coming To America will always draw positive attention to you, sexy lady. I promise.
5. Be able to go toe-t0-toe about music
This is broader than hip-hop. Women who can wax philosophical about Thelonius’ place in the jazz canon or whether or not fusion pushed the envelope or set jazz back, or are into Bob James and David Axelrod will almost always stand out, even if the dude has no clue what you’re talking about. Men are generally music snobs, not sure why this is.
I don’t know jack sh*t about cars, but I drive a Hemi. I had a chick break down my Hemi to me before. I couldn’t care less, but if I was into cars, I’d have been impressed. To me, my sh*t just goes vroom louder and better than yours.
There you have it, 6 ways to get a man’s attention by impressing him. Nevermind the latent sexist nature of assuming women just don’t care to go in depth on most of that stuff or that we’re glad you know but we don’t really like women with opinions. Or that if a man showed a similar interest in most women “areas” he’d be gayer than Kanye in San Francisco with two guys named Kiven and Juan. Or that women would even have to impress men. Yeah, forget all of that.
I keed, I keed!
So good people of VSB, what would impress you enough to want to learn more about a person?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3