Although Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry have split up, the model says he has nothing but love and respect for the actress, with whom he has a 2-year-old daughter.
translation: “sh*t. what the hell do you expect him to say? he’s a freakin canadian underwear model who bagged, boned, knocked up, and bounced on the baddest chick on the planet, and i’m a recently divorced 47 year old journalist writing anonymous copy for people.com just so i can fund my p*rn addiction and pay child support checks. FML and f*ck him. he’s lucky i don’t pee on this report instead of actually publishing it”
“While I will not comment on all of the wild inaccuracies being speculated about in the media, I am sad to say that Halle and I have decided together to separate at this time,” Aubry, a model, confirmed Friday in a statement to Access Hollywood released through his agency, Wilhelmina Models.
translation: “while i will not comment on all of the wild inaccuracies being speculated about in the media, i will say that i was initially sad that halle and i broke up. however, this sadness quicky subsided once i remembered that i’m rich, white, in my prime, and not only do i already have canadian and european women on lock, bagging halle has allowed me to in climb into 3rd place on the black american woman “white guys who can definitely get it” list, narrowly edging out steve nash and and falling right behind matthew mcconaughey and bobby deniro. basically, i’m saying “how do you like those apples, b*tch?” to God right now”
Reports of the couple’s break up first began circulating widely on Friday. Berry’s rep couldn’t be reached for comment.
translation: “reports of the couple’s break up first began circulating widely on friday. berry’s 25 year old rep couldn’t be reached for comment, and we suspect it might have something to do with berry’s disturbing tweet friday afternoon, pledging to (sic) “disembowel the next 25 year old b*tch she sees with her bare hands.” she cryptically followed that tweet moments later with “catwoman aint got sh*t on me.”
Aubry says of his Oscar winning ex, “She is, and will forever be, one of the most special and beautiful people that I have ever known, and I am certain that we will continue to have only love and respect for one another. The couple are putting daughter Nahla first, according to the model. “Her happiness and well-being are the most important thing for both of us,” Aubry says. “Please respect our privacy during this very difficult time.”
translation: “she is, and will forever be, one of the most special and beautiful people that i have ever known, and i will continue to say nothing but overwhelmingly positive things about her in public to make sure she doesn’t f*ck me in visitation while also bettering my chances of having unattached and unprotected post-break up sex in the 3 to 6 month future.”
Berry, 43, and Aubry, 34, had been together four years. They first met at a Versace store opening in Manhattan in February 2006.
translation: berry, 43, could have saved herself ton of time and trouble if she would have just rented zoolander.