- “i got next, right?”
Although Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry have split up, the model says he has nothing but love and respect for the actress, with whom he has a 2-year-old daughter.
translation: “sh*t. what the hell do you expect him to say? he’s a freakin canadian underwear model who bagged, boned, knocked up, and bounced on the baddest chick on the planet, and i’m a recently divorced 47 year old journalist writing anonymous copy for people.com just so i can fund my p*rn addiction and pay child support checks. FML and f*ck him. he’s lucky i don’t pee on this report instead of actually publishing it”
“While I will not comment on all of the wild inaccuracies being speculated about in the media, I am sad to say that Halle and I have decided together to separate at this time,” Aubry, a model, confirmed Friday in a statement to Access Hollywood released through his agency, Wilhelmina Models.
translation: “while i will not comment on all of the wild inaccuracies being speculated about in the media, i will say that i was initially sad that halle and i broke up. however, this sadness quicky subsided once i remembered that i’m rich, white, in my prime, and not only do i already have canadian and european women on lock, bagging halle has allowed me to in climb into 3rd place on the black american woman “white guys who can definitely get it” list, narrowly edging out steve nash and and falling right behind matthew mcconaughey and bobby deniro. basically, i’m saying “how do you like those apples, b*tch?” to God right now”
Reports of the couple’s break up first began circulating widely on Friday. Berry’s rep couldn’t be reached for comment.
translation: “reports of the couple’s break up first began circulating widely on friday. berry’s 25 year old rep couldn’t be reached for comment, and we suspect it might have something to do with berry’s disturbing tweet friday afternoon, pledging to (sic) “disembowel the next 25 year old b*tch she sees with her bare hands.” she cryptically followed that tweet moments later with “catwoman aint got sh*t on me.”
Aubry says of his Oscar winning ex, “She is, and will forever be, one of the most special and beautiful people that I have ever known, and I am certain that we will continue to have only love and respect for one another. The couple are putting daughter Nahla first, according to the model. “Her happiness and well-being are the most important thing for both of us,” Aubry says. “Please respect our privacy during this very difficult time.”
translation: “she is, and will forever be, one of the most special and beautiful people that i have ever known, and i will continue to say nothing but overwhelmingly positive things about her in public to make sure she doesn’t f*ck me in visitation while also bettering my chances of having unattached and unprotected post-break up sex in the 3 to 6 month future.”
Berry, 43, and Aubry, 34, had been together four years. They first met at a Versace store opening in Manhattan in February 2006.
translation: berry, 43, could have saved herself ton of time and trouble if she would have just rented zoolander.
—the champ
translation: berry, 43, could have saved herself ton of time and trouble if she would have just rented zoolander.
Funny!
zoolander makes the cut with undercover brother and stepbrothers on the list of “movies that i enjoy, but would also understand if someone considered them to be one of the worst movies ever made” list
Stepbrothers was effin hilarious
Boats and ho*es
Love that song! And the Sweet Child of Mine rendition.
@KayBeezy
LOL! That’s one of my fav parts.
so you just gonna leave of anchorman huh?
“so you just gonna leave of anchorman huh?”
no, because anyone thinking that movie is terrible is obviously a pedophile
i understand that. Anchorman is one my favorite movies of all time but i know so many people who hate the movie. *shrug*
Would you include The Hangover? I agree about Anchorman being above reproach when it comes to greatness.
Your voice is like a cross between Fergie and Jesus – StepBrothers
that comment reduces me to tears everytime!
Hilarious!
He really can’t say anything bad about her…he was always the background to her foreground. Besides, he would come off as a complete douche*
*thru recent experience around 2520′s, they seem to love using this word. I don’t get it personally.*
i personally love “douche” and all of its derivatives. there aren’t many other words that give you more of an exact idea of a person’s personality than douche
@Sweetbee,
I love how you slipped that subtle reference from WTE in there lol
I still don’t know who this fool is. Now that they broke up, I still won’t know who he is. Don’t care. next.
I’m with Liz on this one.
Although, my outlook on my romantic future just took another small hit as one of the most gorgeous women on the planet is single at 43.
Sidenote: I’m so mad y’all got me watching Brandy & Ray J, it’s like a train wreck I can’t not look at. Also, when did Timbaland get so big?
Sidenote: I’m so mad y’all got me watching Brandy & Ray J, it’s like a train wreck I can’t not look at. Also, when did Timbaland get so big?
Since he stopped taking horse tranquelizers…he got artificially swole and then all that swole turned into…swelling. yecch. Remember for a while folks were talking about Dr. Dre, Janet and a bunch of other celebrities injecting hormones and sh*t….
I read too many gossip blogs.
“Since he stopped taking horse tranquelizers…he got artificially swole and then all that swole turned into…swelling. yecch. Remember for a while folks were talking about Dr. Dre, Janet and a bunch of other celebrities injecting hormones and sh*t….”
yeah. timbaland looks like he swallowed every beat he’s ever made. the best way to describe him now would be unfortunate.
LMBO & It’s too early to have me laughing like this!!
“yeah. timbaland looks like he swallowed every beat he’s ever made. the best way to describe him now would be unfortunate.”
HAHAHAHA!!! Oh my God, this is hilarious! Here lies Jai de Vivre…kilt on a Monday morning, by a ridiculous comment…
“yeah. timbaland looks like he swallowed every beat he’s ever made. the best way to describe him now would be unfortunate.”
bwahaahahahaa!!
has to be one of the funniest things you’ve ever typed. lol
“Although, my outlook on my romantic future just took another small hit as one of the most gorgeous women on the planet is single at 43″
eh. i wouldn’t worry too much about that. she’s single because she wants to be.
I don’t care about her break-up. I have my own love life to worry about. And I really don’t care that she’s uber fine and she’s single at 43. That has no bearing on me and mine.
No disrespect, but why do women do that? Why do some of us do the whole “well, she’s so-and-so and she doesn’t have a man, so I have no hope?” I have NEVER heard a man do this. Just curious….
@ Mo: Tru dat although we (women) tend to have a scarcity mindset when it comes to eligible men and our chances for a great relationship and also compare ourselves to other women way more than men compare themselves to each other. I have to catch myself when I do that.
I still think Halle has to a little bit crazy, something about her just screams “a little off” to me. I personally think they both used each other as a come up. She got her baby, and he got name/face recognition. I couldn’t have picked his run of the mill 2520 azz out of a line up a couple years back, now he might stand a 3 out of 5 chance. QUESTION: Are there are a lot of ladies that dig Steve Nash? I don’t know any…lol
Yeah.. She seems a little off to me as well… Kinda “Chilli-ish” in a way..
@miss t-lee,
Hey, Lady! I gotta agree on some things you posted here. As much as I like Miss Berry, I got a feeling that she might be a lil’ crazy too. I also don’t understand the Steve Nash thing. Who? Fa’ real?
@legitimate_soul
*waving* hey girl!!!!
I was/am thoroughly confused about Steve Nash, like maybe I missed the memo. But the same S.Nash who plays for the Suns? Because he seems pretty nondescript.
***refuses to google Steve Nash***
…yeah I just did. I had no idea who he was, and he looks like a very average looking dude with stringy hair. hate long, straight hair o white dudes. Am I supposed to want him? Or Bobby Deniro?? Ug.
You know who I do want tho, that Jeffrey Dean Morgan from the Losers…
Jeffrey Dean Morgan does have a certain appeal about him, don’t he?
@RocktheCatbox
I’ve always had a thing for Bobby Deniro (even before I knew he was married to his first wife….who was a sista). I also feel the same way about Chazz Palminteri. So I guess its safe to say that… I have a thing for Italians?? **looking over my shoulder to make sure no one sees this** (yikes…did I just say that?) I think I’m just fascinated with their movies. Would probably never date a 2520 in real life, though. I love brothas way too much! : )
@CNotes,
I thought I was the only one who dug Chazz Palminteri like that…lol
@miss t-lee
lol…..I was hooked on him from A Bronx Tale. I think it was his quiet but powerful persona that gave him the sexy stamp in my book.
@CNotes,
Yeah…I dug him in that movie and the Usual Suspects.
I think it’s that voice!
LONG LIVE BOBBY DE NIRO!
Okay, I had to look up Steve Nash. Scary, like an Avatar w/o the blue makeup.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, yeah.
Robert DeNiro, yeah.
Joe Mantegna , yeah.
Mastuhiro Mariomoto, oh yeah.
Steve Nash…..NO. ‘kaythxbye
“QUESTION: Are there are a lot of ladies that dig Steve Nash? I don’t know any…lol”
thats because you live in texas.
@ The Champ,
LMAO!!! I don’t even think that has anything to do with Steve Nash being anti-cute.
She’s probably one of those clingy, eye twitching types that don’t want her man to leave the house without a lojack lol
@ miss t-lee “QUESTION: Are there are a lot of ladies that dig Steve Nash? I don’t know any…lol”
You know what? I was JUST thinking that same thing while reading this post! Gabriel Aubrey is 3rd to Steve Nash and Robert DeNiro? Champ, I don’t know which black womens’ “White-men-who-could-get-it” list you’ve had access to, but I don’t know ANYONE with these two on their list either!
Still, the comment did get me thinking about the first White celebrity crush I had. I’ll never forget watching Universal Soldier as a young’un and drooling over Jean Claude van Damme – pretty sure I wanted to marry him for some time!
I should have known someone would write about this. Funny post. Though, I think this is a win/win situation. Halle has her child, which is probably all she wanted in the first place. And Aubrey got to have sex with Halle Berry, and get invited to events he would have never been invited to if he wasn’t with Halle. He played the role of Mr. Berry very well.
“Though, I think this is a win/win situation”
i’d agree.
btw, i have no idea why i’ve started to say “i’d agree” instead of just “i agree”.
wow! i never get one of these this early. that means i have to WORK tomorrow?? really? hmmm…
anyways..there was a post in essence about her leaving a play with some black dude. once this news broke, the blogosphere blew up with posts from (mostly dudes) who claimed that Halle must be the devil/stinky kitty/crazier than the chick from misery + basketball wives combined since she can’t keep a man.
below is a comment left by someone else that i thought summed it all up pretty well:
I’m so sick of people saying she can’t keep a man! She was married for 4 years in her previous marriages and with Gabe for 5, so I’m lost on that logic..And why does it have to be her?? Could it possibly that they wanted different things? I think we’ve all been in relationships where we picked the wrong partners and it didn’t work out..Does that mean that all the single ladies reading and commenting, are crazy and can’t keep a man!? And why does George Clooney get called the “Confirmed Bachelor” when he goes thru women like underwear..And what about J-Lo who went with thru 2 husbands,Diddy and Ben Affleck in less time that she’s been married to Marc Anthony? Or Kate Hudson who bounces from d*ck to d*ck? People kill me.. Halle got treated like sh*t and got hurt in her marriages, so who wouldn’t be hesitant.
Yes. she’s the common demoninator – but doesn’t everyone go through a few relationships before they end up with the person they are supposed to be with? most don’t marry their childhood sweethearts.
because she’s considered one of the most beautiful women in the world.. she’s not allowed to be flawed like every other human being?
at the end of the day, there are still 20,574,619 men out there who would give up (fill-in-the-blank here) to a) speak to her b)date her c)f*uck her d)wife her e) have a baby with her to be connected to her and have an excuse to see her for at least the next 20 yrs.
#ontothenext…
That random commenter summed up my feelings pretty well.
@Keisha Brown
” And why does George Clooney get called the “Confirmed Bachelor” when he goes thru women like underwear.”
Because we know he has no intention on getting married. Most dudes that aren’t getting married want to live like George Clooney on their own level.
” And why does George Clooney get called the “Confirmed Bachelor” when he goes thru women like underwear.”
All a front. He’s a closet homo. This generation’s Rock Hudson. Let it settle.
Co-sign. I’ve been trying to put people on to that for a minute. His Gay-dar is in stealth, but it’s still on…
Bond.
@ Tx10inch
“All a front. He’s a closet homo.”
I concur. Something ain’t right about that kat either.
two things:
1. “And what about J-Lo who went with thru 2 husbands,Diddy and Ben Affleck in less time that she’s been married to Marc Anthony? Or Kate Hudson who bounces from d*ck to d*ck?”
whoever wrote this comment obviously doesn’t spend much time out of the blackblogosphere because women like kate hudson, j-lo, and jennifer anniston get hit with the “can’t keep a man” chorus 1000 times worse than halle berry does.
2. “Halle got treated like sh*t and got hurt in her marriages, so who wouldn’t be hesitant. but doesn’t everyone go through a few relationships before they end up with the person they are supposed to be with? most don’t marry their childhood sweethearts.”
while this is true, i think people are just amazed that someone as pretty/famous/successful/old (yes. old. she’ll be 50 by the end of obama’s second term) as her continues to pick the “wrong” guy. plus, unlike another uber-starlets, she seems like a genuinely likable person, which makes her lack of long-term relationship success even more puzzling.
That’s true, she ought to be able to have more discernment when choosing a man at this age. If marriage was her goal, you’d think that she’d go for less of a disposable dude. I respect her decision to do what makes her happy at the time/change her mind, but I think Halle never grew out of having sh*tty taste in men.
I think Halle never grew out of having sh*tty taste in men.
I think I agree with this statement.
@Champ
Everyone’s caught up on Halle, but she’s had her time. The real over 40 banger has always been Stacey Dash. Even in the 30′s she was badder than Halle during the same time period. Halle just got more shine. Very much under rated in comparison. Why is that?
Hot looks aside, Stacey is little not media-relevant, and wasn’t really in her 30s even with the Clueless sitcom. If you are black and don’t get major work in Hollyweird, you don’t get talked about and have to find a Kardashian to hang out with/hold their purse so people remember you (lookin at you, Ciara). Your average white entertainment writer generally has no idea and does not care who LisaRaye, Stacey Dash, the cast of Girlfriends or Megan Goode are (which is why the latter is always having her picture taken at random places with no bra). I have seen a lot of photo credits on white blog sites that confuse Megan Goode for Ciara
or Esther Rollebecause they don’t have to know the difference. They know the black actors who have major studio backing. There is no white equivalent for the BET Blackbuster! Most of “our” actors are just not considered worthy of news (looking at you, cast of Deliver Us from Eva).It just goes to show that looks really aren’t everything. People tend to judge others based on how attractive they are. If you ask me (which I know you didn’t)…I think a guy dates her and stays because of who she is ….and when he can’t take it anymore, he leaves.
Maybe…and granted she is human (although I do suspect the woman may be a cyborg just based off her acting ability) she is wealthy and famous, and simply cannot date many/most of those 20,574,619 men, so it is exponentially easier for me to find someone compatible than it would be for her. I don’t really have to worry about stalker fans, psychopaths or the creepiness of someone wanting to be connected to me for an excuse to see me (what woman wants THAT?! I’m uncomfortable) I can safely date and be seen with men without, for the most part, my decision being damaging to my career or way of life. I see what you’re saying…being wealthy, gorgeous and famous doesn’t entitle you to more than the same, who knows what her relationships are actually like and she certainly did not deserve physical abuse.
Eh, That’s too bad about their break-up. Kudos for having enough sense to keep it mature in the press, whether sincere or not. Other than that… *shrug*
I totally agree…you gotta respect that. Hope it stays that way!
ionreallycare about halle and whatshisface breaking up.
but, there are BW that actually LIKE steve nash??? where is this coming from? i’ve seen it on this blog a few times and i just don’t get it. he makes nan list of mine except “nba player to most likely become a serial killer based on looks alone.”
This is the only place I’ve ever heard about it. *shrugs*
I actually like Steve Nash… He’s definitely not my first white boy choice (I like my white dudes, midwestern and corn fed, think Ashton) but I find him… endearing…
Yeah I’m going to have to agree that this Black women liking Steve Nash comment is rather unfounded.
me too. methinks champ must be mixing up basketball fandom in here somewhere. i think he kinda looks like a wet dog. not much sexy about steve nash at all.
not much sexy about steve nash at all.
Girl, Steve is as far away from sexy as a man can get. He always looks wet, and that is not sexy a sexy look for him. I think Champ got this info from the same source who told him women love Drake.
“I think Champ got this info from the same source who told him women love Drake.”
lol, panama wrote that (about women loving drake). and, while some vss’s may have disagreed, there seems to be quite a sizable population who dogmatically agree.
LOL… my bad Champ.
And you may be right, my younger sister loves him. But I think that’s because she faithfully watched Degrassi, and is a Drake fan because of that.