Theory & Essay

guilty as charged

regardless of how unshallow or disdainful of superficiality you might claim to be, we all have our standards of what we deem datable and/or attractive. some of us are more willing to overlook certain things while others aren’t too keen about relaxing their standards, but we all have an image, an archetype of what we’d consider to be ideal.

but then…sometimes it happens.

you can’t explain it, you can’t reason with it, and it doesn’t make sense in your head, but sometimes you find yourself completely enthralled with someone who’s basically completely out of your “attractiveness box”. sometimes they’re the “wrong” race or body build or age, or sometimes you’ve been on the bandwagon so long that you’re scared to jump off and admit that you find them attractive. regardless of the reasoning behind it, they’re your guilty pleasures.

today, as a therapeutic exercise, i’m gonna name a few somewhat famous people who, despite the fact that they dont fit my archetype, still make me want to f*ck the sh*t out of them are extremely attractive to me.

enjoy and sh*t.

vanessa bell calloway

reasons for being a guilty pleasure: she’s like five years younger than my mother and also has a daughter who, in two years or so (just to be safe) would definitely get it, which makes things kind of awkward. with that being said, i could soooo see her as some recent divorcee drinking a rum and coke at some lounge, slightly tipsy and flirty in a “i’m gonna tease the hell out of this young dude…but if he comes correct, who knows?” way, leading to an all-night sexual rendezvous culminating with me waking up in the morning to some fire-ass, exotic ass omelette and a note explaining why i’ll never see her again.

(hmmm, maybe i’ve given this scenario a bit too much thought. moving on…)

cheryl hines (larry david’s wife on “curb your enthusaism”)

reasons for being a guilty pleasure: she talks and walks funny and kind of looks like a duck. regardless of that though, i’ve just always had this feeling that she’d be incredible in bed, and i cant explain why. you’ll just hafta trust me

natalie portman

reasons for being a guilty pleasure: she’s approximately the size of my left thigh, and roughly the same color as my bedroom walls. yet, despite the fact that i think i could realistically break her back while breaking her back, she’s always done it for me…even going back to, gulp, “the professional

ashanti

reasons for being a guilty pleasure: ive never publically admitted until today that i’ve always been attracted to her, for fear of getting banned from the n*gganet. i fear no more. release your f*cking hounds. i scared of them no more

so, people of vsb.com, what pop cultural or celebrity figures would be your “guilty pleasures”? people who you’d think you wouldnt be attracted to at all, but, for whatever reason, they just do it for you, or people you’ve been scared to admit in public that you’re attracted to, for fear of getting rocks thrown at you?

we’re all family here….don’t be scurred

—the champ

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • genius khan

    Beholdeth he that sees beneath the deep wondrous and amazing things.

  • genius khan

    Beholdeth he that sees beneath the deep wondrous and amazing things.

  • Intellectual Hedonist

    “she’s always done it for me…even going back to, gulp, “the professional”

    I feel dirty for you, I will be back after I shower

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      the only solace i can take in that is the fact that even though she was 13, i was 16, which doesn’t make it TOO bad

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      the only solace i can take in that is the fact that even though she was 13, i was 16, which doesn’t make it TOO bad

  • Intellectual Hedonist

    “she’s always done it for me…even going back to, gulp, “the professional”

    I feel dirty for you, I will be back after I shower

  • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

    they were talking about this on V-103 this morning. Lately I have been on this Lil Wayne thing and I have no idea why. His teeth are disgusting all those golds……..he has tattoos everywhere and all that jazz. So I have no reason for liking him. I have never had a thing for “thug” type guys. I am sure I have some more but I cant think right now. Way too sleepy.

    • Gemini

      I am with you on that. I have no idea what it is, but I think if he walked up to me I would faint! I mean he’s not at all my “type” but it’s something about him, you can’t deny it.

      Maybe its the fact that Supahead said he was the best she ever had, I don’t know. But, of course, I don’t know about listening to someone who has been with EVERY-DAMN-BODY in the entertainment business. But she was sprung on Lil Wayne for a minute.

      • Shay-d-lady

        Yeah but the fact Supahead has been with everyone means she is an expert when it comes to getting it.. Lil Wayne is probably laying it DOWN…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Yeah but the fact Supahead has been with everyone ”

          so sleeping with tons of people makes you an expert, or just a ho?

          • ForReal

            In her case i’d say both. I mean if you’ve been with that many people you’ve gotten a good sample of a variety of D, and it stands to reason you’d know good D when u get it, no?

          • ForReal

            In her case i’d say both. I mean if you’ve been with that many people you’ve gotten a good sample of a variety of D, and it stands to reason you’d know good D when u get it, no?

          • Gemini

            Well in her case, I’ll call her an Expert Ho, lol.

          • Gemini

            Well in her case, I’ll call her an Expert Ho, lol.

          • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            she is a “ho-spert”…she has a zillion dudes to compare him to…that’s like a virgin saying you’re the best…s/he doesn’t have anyone to compare you to, so how valid is the accolade? it’s like you complimenting a woman’s waffles…

            • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

              I’m loving “ho-spert”. I must use that term daily. Somehow.

            • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

              I’m loving “ho-spert”. I must use that term daily. Somehow.

            • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

              “it’s like you complimenting a woman’s waffles…”

              oooh cold-blooded!!! she got you mayne!

            • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

              “it’s like you complimenting a woman’s waffles…”

              oooh cold-blooded!!! she got you mayne!

          • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            she is a “ho-spert”…she has a zillion dudes to compare him to…that’s like a virgin saying you’re the best…s/he doesn’t have anyone to compare you to, so how valid is the accolade? it’s like you complimenting a woman’s waffles…

          • shay-d-lady

            LOL ….both. You a ho but when you put the “fiyah” stamp on someone…its the Truth

          • shay-d-lady

            LOL ….both. You a ho but when you put the “fiyah” stamp on someone…its the Truth

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Yeah but the fact Supahead has been with everyone ”

          so sleeping with tons of people makes you an expert, or just a ho?

      • Shay-d-lady

        Yeah but the fact Supahead has been with everyone means she is an expert when it comes to getting it.. Lil Wayne is probably laying it DOWN…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        “Maybe its the fact that Supahead said he was the best she ever had, I don’t know. ”

        i didn’t read the book or anything, but i thought ray-j was who she said was the best she ever had and was actually in “l(h)ove” with?

        • Gemini

          It could be both, but I do recall her saying that about Lil Wayne, heck who knows? She claimed to have been “in love” with just about all of them.

        • Gemini

          It could be both, but I do recall her saying that about Lil Wayne, heck who knows? She claimed to have been “in love” with just about all of them.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        “Maybe its the fact that Supahead said he was the best she ever had, I don’t know. ”

        i didn’t read the book or anything, but i thought ray-j was who she said was the best she ever had and was actually in “l(h)ove” with?

    • Gemini

      I am with you on that. I have no idea what it is, but I think if he walked up to me I would faint! I mean he’s not at all my “type” but it’s something about him, you can’t deny it.

      Maybe its the fact that Supahead said he was the best she ever had, I don’t know. But, of course, I don’t know about listening to someone who has been with EVERY-DAMN-BODY in the entertainment business. But she was sprung on Lil Wayne for a minute.

    • soulfirelp

      oooh not Lil Wayne girl…ugh

    • soulfirelp

      oooh not Lil Wayne girl…ugh

  • http://www.myspace.com/womannaofgod utc115

    they were talking about this on V-103 this morning. Lately I have been on this Lil Wayne thing and I have no idea why. His teeth are disgusting all those golds……..he has tattoos everywhere and all that jazz. So I have no reason for liking him. I have never had a thing for “thug” type guys. I am sure I have some more but I cant think right now. Way too sleepy.

  • http://www.myspace.com/moonchyldblu Vitamin Be

    I am absolutely head over heels for Jay Z… I don’t know if its the swag or bis ass lips, but he does it for me.

    Derek Luke… I never really get bit by the chocolate bug, but he could get it…family style.

    • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      this is me…cosigning on that there…but I admit it all the time…can’t think of anyone that I have liked on the “slide” though

    • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      this is me…cosigning on that there…but I admit it all the time…can’t think of anyone that I have liked on the “slide” though

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      Sorry but I cant dig camel lips on that scale.

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      Sorry but I cant dig camel lips on that scale.

  • http://www.myspace.com/moonchyldblu Vitamin Be

    I am absolutely head over heels for Jay Z… I don’t know if its the swag or bis ass lips, but he does it for me.

    Derek Luke… I never really get bit by the chocolate bug, but he could get it…family style.

  • Kamilah

    Hmmm…okay so some I can’t “officially” name because they are actually in my circle…but here goes…

    Black Thought – “because he’s known to be a lover of…”

    The DJ – because he’s really a nerd who happened to fall in love with music…and because his timing is so bad it’s good…lol

    The Higher Ed Administrator – because he’s also a nerd, but he has this voice that will fully make you want to give it up on his office desk

    The Blogger – one word…witty

    J.A. Adande – because PTI is the business this week….and he is so laid back and cool in real life

  • Kamilah

    Hmmm…okay so some I can’t “officially” name because they are actually in my circle…but here goes…

    Black Thought – “because he’s known to be a lover of…”

    The DJ – because he’s really a nerd who happened to fall in love with music…and because his timing is so bad it’s good…lol

    The Higher Ed Administrator – because he’s also a nerd, but he has this voice that will fully make you want to give it up on his office desk

    The Blogger – one word…witty

    J.A. Adande – because PTI is the business this week….and he is so laid back and cool in real life

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