One of my favorite television shows is Family Guy. This show is chock full of social commentary and enough in your face ignance to make 12 Black people proud.
I usually watch at least one episode a day since you can find an episode on any number of networks. Last night I came upon one of my favorite episodes where Peter becomes the host of his own news segment, “what really grinds my gears.”
Hilarity ensues.
For those that don’t watch the show (may God have mercy on your soul) or who haven’t seen that episode (if you’re a fan, you’ve seen that episode) or just have no clue what “grinding one’s gears” means (it’s not pr0n related), it’s those things that happen that agitate your or piss you off royally. Basically, it’s just things that annoy the living smurf out of you.
Well, that got me to thinking about things that personally grind my gears.
Allow me to share, mmkay?
Mmkay.
These People – Excerpted from a GChat convo last week with Nikiloveli:
me: without telling you what happened exactly
but you know what grinds my gears
when people say stuff like, “we really shouldn’t do x…” when they actually mean “YOU really shouldn’t do x…” since its implied that they’d never do it in the first place.
since, ya know, they’re telling you that “we” need not do it
Niki: yes, i can see how that hypothetical situation would be hypothetically annoying as hypothetical shit
me: yeah. hypothetically, i want to stab hypothetical people who do that with rusty barncacles
ya know, hypothetically.
Niki: whoa, now. you have to be careful in those hypothetical situations, lest we have to switch adjectives…
to “allegedly”
me: LMAO but that really grinds my gears
Niki: point taken
Yep, that grinds mine gears.
People who say things like “we need to talk” and then proceed to say, “not now”. I mother*cking hate people who do that. True story – I had a chick actually say to me once, “we may need to talk about something later on.” Now what’s the first thing any able bodied male is going to think upon hearing this?
In my head: “Her period’s late. F*CK. I knew I should have gone for the pearl necklace.”
So what do I do? I kirk out and say that if we MAY need to talk about it later than we probably DO NEED to talk about it now. Turns out she just wanted to have a talk about her feelings for me, which, went pffffffffffffft after she tried to put me on emotional hold over some dumbness.
Word to Petey Jakes, if you ever want me to hate you…say some stupid sh*t like that to me.
Word.Life.
Indecisiveness at McDonald’s. Die b*tch. The menu’s been pretty much the same since pterodactyls were chasing tyrannosaurus booty. If you have to think about it, like for real for real, you need Jesus and two cans of WD-40 to remove the foot that I’d like to put straight up your hiney.
And to piggyback –
Folks who don’t know what they want, but know what they don’t want. So let me get this right, I’m supposed to continue to offer suggestions until we reach something you’re not opposed too? Yeah the f*ck no. If you can’t come up with a suggestion, go eat cat food, beeyotch.
No public bathroom etiquette. Proper public restroom etiquette has two major tenets: 1) There is no discussion at the urinal until both parties have finished shaking and flushed. 2) There should always be a one stall buffer between sitting parties unless the one-stall buffer cannot be maintained due to over occupancy issues.
If you don’t respect the bathroom G-code, you are dead to me and should go one yourself in traffic.
Woosah.
So, those are just a few things that grind the great Panamanian’s gears. Good folks of VSBville, what grinds your gears??
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD 3
I’m with you on most of that.
i hate when people say, “HUH?” when you ask them a question. I have a semi retarded coworker that always acts like he doesn’t hear what you say, when you very well know he only wants 4 more seconds to give you some stooopid answer.
people who play out the superstition too much. my best friend is known for this. “don’t scratch your belly when you’re pregnant, you’ll get stretchmarks” “don’t split poles” “never open the umbrella in the house” once in a while is find, but i still don’t have all this “bad luck” that is to follow me for breaking these rules
people who complain at a fast food restaurant! unless they gave you frozen fries with salt, please shut up and eat your dollar menu meal. you just paid ONE dollar for it, why are we going back THRU the drive thru because, “you want more bacon for you jr bacon cheeseburger??” i’m sure they spit in her food.
“oh i had something to tell you….umm, forget about it, i’ll just….”
arrrrrghhh, you know you have to tell me now, cuz i’ll be wondering if you wanted to confess your secrets or ask me to pass the juice.
ppl who can’t try something new!! chicken tenders is the same everywhere, have some pad thai or some sushi! geez! put down the chicken alfredo!!
LOL @ “people who play out the superstition too much”
this happened to me just yesterday!! i purposefully stepped on the back of a friend’s shoe (cuz i thought it’d be funny) and this fool was like “what did you do that for?? now tap on my back 3 times”. WTF. are you serious?? i couldn’t believe him. ol raven simone very superstitious lookin boy
@Gem-balaya,
*DEAD* @ this whole post
@jana.love,
hate when people say, “HUH?” when you ask them a question. I have a semi retarded coworker that always acts like he doesn’t hear what you say, when you very well know he only wants 4 more seconds to give you some stooopid answer.
i do this all the time. yep, it really annoys people.
@charli skipper,
i don’t even repeat my question, i just say, “YOU HEARD ME DUMB#&”
he knows i really don’t like his dumb butt. but i bet you he starts to answer my question!!
@jana.love,
“people who complain at a fast food restaurant! unless they gave you frozen fries with salt, please shut up and eat your dollar menu meal. you just paid ONE dollar for it, why are we going back THRU the drive thru because, “you want more bacon for you jr bacon cheeseburger??” i’m sure they spit in her food.”
LOL I am SOOOO guilty of that! It’s not about that measly dollar- it’s about the principle!
I had ordered a dollar cheese burger (well, in case you didn’t know McD’s ^ the price because of the recession- it’s now $1.19…and the guy reminded me of that when I ordered lol) with extra pickles (I love pickles). That’s an extra $0.22 or so!
I’m riding to my destination. About 10min in, I decide to unwrap that yellow, greasy package and feast on my burger when -alas- there were no pickles to be found!
I had 2 options:
1. keep rolling, since I was already 1/2 way to my
relatives house, or
2. spin around to get my $0.22 worth of pickles.
You know I had to do the ignant thing and whip my whip around to get my meal fixed! I was nothing short of polite, and the lady totally understood, but I as I rode away I had to wonder if biting into those few pickles was going to outweigh how foolish I felt for turning around.
It did.
@Lili,
Lol. I generally don’t complain at restaurants cuz I eat like a generalist. Rare, well-done, two strips or four strips of bacon, I generally will eat it
. Plus I used to be a waitress so I know what some ppl do once they get your plate back in the kitchen!
But I aint mad at ppl who go back. They only charge you a dollar for a McChicken, cuz that’s all it’s really worth. McDonald’s isn’t in the business of doing favors. So you might as well get your money’s worth.
I was rolling my eyes at this family that refused to sit down in a non-booth on Mother’s Day/Graduation Sunday at Red Lobster’s as if they were expecting a higher level of service…from Red Lobster. lol
@Lili,
LOL I am SOOOO guilty of that! It’s not about that measly dollar- it’s about the principle!
still, i’d rather go without the extra pickle than go with the extra pickle marinated in saliva
@The Champ, “still, i’d rather go without the extra pickle than go with the extra pickle marinated in saliva”
and the extra gas money.
@Dope Fiend,
Riiight?
I am with jana.love, I don’t like food complainers in general…
@The Champ,
we had to swing back around once because the lettuce on her double stack was really really white and she wanted one that was green.
i was like, wtf? NOW you think about nutrition and healthy servings of greens?? DUDE you’re eating wendy’s!!
arghhhh
@The Champ,
Meh. Honestly all the food is pretty fucked up. They’ll stick boogers in your fries for no reason at all. It’s just the cost of doing business
I forgot where there was a statistic somewhere of how many pounds of rat feces Americans eat per year. It was pretty high, esp for chocolate eaters
@The Champ,
haha yup im nice to whoever is handling my food people be doin strange thing behind the scene with yo food i kno i used ta do fast food.
@Lili,
Co-sign with The Champ.
Lili, if you haven’t seen Road Trip, you should. You’ll behave differently next time.
@jana.love,
“don’t scratch your belly when you’re pregnant, you’ll get stretchmarks”
I heard this was true b/c you scratching stretches your skin out and its already growing by the minute. Nope, too vain to ever try this out and see if its just a superstition. I’ont want my tummy looking like Tony the Tiger
@Luvvie,
with ample moisturizing of the belly, the skin will stretch without stretch marks.
my friend DID NOT scratch her belly and went crazy when they showed up!! i told her its because she kept her damn belly dry as hell. not only that, but some ppl get it, some don’t!! it’s life.
i read your post, hilarity ensued… thanks
i cant stand:
(1) known ignorance
(2) people who think they know everything, ’cause they clearly don’t
(3) people who use big words for no reason or use them incorrectly
(4) people who make MY business their business
(5) people who say they are gonna do something and don’t or are gonna be somewhere at a certain time and aren’t [excluding the 10-min/common 'CP' Time window or an emergency]
(6) people who say they are good at something but aren’t [and vice-versa]
(7) people who talk a lot but have nothing to say
saying that made me feel better about their annoying existence… i now wish they kick rocks instead of boulders…
thanks
@Jay_Delicious, i call foul on #6 thats not really true…lmao
the number one thing that grinds my gears, people are the first to say they are grown and act like a child. not like they are 5 or something when its still “cute” or something like that but their ego gets hurt and they have this overwhelming desire to make a scene to protect their ego. (unfortunately what they dont realize it makes them look like more of a d*ck)
I feel really strongly about this. if you wanna be an adult and be in charge, cool but that nonsense…is unforgivable (hope someone breaks both their ankles like the crazy chick in Misery)
Shouts to my man Stewie.
@ESQuared,
i feel as if most grown ppl don’t go around telling the world that they’re grown…they just act it.
so as soon as i hear ppl start off with, “i’m grown, i could…..blah blah blah irks me.
@ESQuared,
I just hate when “grown” people feel the need to repeatedly remind me that they are in fact GROWN! If you wee that d@mn mature, you wouldn’t have to d@mn near get it tat’d on your tongue you ignit b@stard! I SWETTAGWT!
give thineself demise!
*inhales deeply*
WOO(muhfuggin)SAH
@ESQuared, yea it is… i hate when u do it cause i think ur telling the truth but aren’t…
1. Willful ignorance- its one thing to be ignorant, its another to exclaim it with glee. “I don’t know a thing about (insert topic) and I’m sorry you have to help people like me. Teehee ”
2. Loud eaters- Chew with your mouth shut
3. People who think they are entitled to things. Kicketh rockeths.
4. People who make a scene for absolutely no reason. – I attended my cousin’s graduation and the xx chromosome 2 or 3 rows behind me stood up and was asked to sit down by the guy that sat behind her. The following is almost verbatim. ” Oh h*ll naw, you not the boss of me” looks at her peeps ” This muhfukah just tried to tell me what ta do, move and lemme change my seat befoe I have to go off on this muhfukah, gone try n tell me what to do he is not the boss of me hmph” . SMH. We’re at a graduation for sobbing out loud the only time to be completely uncouth is when they call your loved ones name.
5. Fake people.
@Nola Darling,
We’re at a graduation for sobbing out loud the only time to be completely uncouth is when they call your loved ones name.
i LURVE it.
@Nola Darling,
something got left off of #3.
People who always ask for the hook up. I don’t mind helping out but there’s a line that must be drawn.
@Nola Darling,
and then they get mad when you can’t do it!! i work at a bank, you don’t need id when you come in, i’ll put your check in without a hold, but what more do you want?????? FREE MONEY!!!
GTFOHWTBS!!
@jana.love,
“GTFOHWTBS!!”
I am in tears right now.
@jana.love,
“GTFOHWTBS!!”
I’m trying to figure out how I knew what this what with no hesitation.
@Nola Darling,
People who always ask for the hook up.
Why did this make me think of the scene in the 40-yr old virgin when Jay and that short funny guy from Soul Plane got into it over a possible “hook-up”.
Well, aim high, Willis! Aim high!
Hilarious!
@Nola Darling,
LOL. Your graduation story reminded me of smthg that happened to me on Sunday. I’m a pretty polite person and I generally dislike confrontations. But like most people raised in the hood, I don’t shy away from them either.
My sister is walking across the stage and I move up close to get a photo of her while she walks. This will take all of 30 seconds and I fully intend to sat down once I’m done.
Don’t you know these two harpies behind me say “EXCUSE ME!!” all aggressive-like and the older one actually swings her cane at me?! On everything I love, had she been under the age of 70 I would’ve grabbed the cane and threw that isht at her. Then she would’ve gotten up to punch me and we’d probably be fighting.
Which all leads me to smthg that grinds my gears….
-People that tough talk and arent ready to fight. Most people are cooperative if you speak to them respectfully. So unless your final objective is to square off, save the trash talk for a basketball court.
@Me fail english?,
“-People that tough talk and arent ready to fight. Most people are cooperative if you speak to them respectfully. So unless your final objective is to square off, save the trash talk for a basketball court.”
This is how many a fool got their taints handed to them! Back the eff up ‘fo you get smacked the eff up!
@Me fail english?,
Don’t you know these two harpies behind me say “EXCUSE ME!!” all aggressive-like and the older one actually swings her cane at me?! On everything I love, had she been under the age of 70 I would’ve grabbed the cane and threw that isht at her. Then she would’ve gotten up to punch me and we’d probably be fighting.
so basically you got punked by an 80 year old?
@The Champ,
Yes. Yes, I did.
@Me fail english?,
Dont even get me started on rude old fogies. I’ve wanted to fight a coupla geriatrics in my time but my home training won’t let me. Curses!
@Luvvie,
for real old people go hard at my office we joke when we read tha police blotters cause half of the offenders are over 50 yrs old lol. betta watch out for old otis “gettin ready ta take ya down booooooy” dam Martin was the shizzzzle back in tha days
@Me fail english?,
On everything I love, had she been under the age of 70 I would’ve grabbed the cane and threw that isht at her.
*dead*
@Nola Darling,
2. Loud eaters- Chew with your mouth shut
i almost broke up with my ex over this.
seriously.
i would contemplate a break up as well. it’s a disgusting habit you should break by the time you’re about 3 or so.
@Gem-balaya,
Amen!
@Carver The Great!,
ALMOST broke up with an EX? so you dropped her, but not for the reason listed above? mmkay!
I HAVE left a dude (or 4) behind poor table manners! I mean 1 dude was on the cusp of drooling he was chewing so gap mouthed! and had the nerve to talk to me with his lips akimob! I was disgusted and he was all “baby you don’t have to pick your food in front of me”..I held in my dry heave long enough to politely leave him sitting in the restaurant…**gags at the recollection**
JEEBS be a JUICY MOUTHED MAN! ((BARF))
@Nola Darling,
“2. Loud eaters- Chew with your mouth shut”
This actually makes my skin crawl. no joke. iCantiCant!!!
@Nola Darling,
the xx chromosome 2 or 3 rows behind me
Lol dead @ xx chromosome. I used to…no I still refer to males (not real men) as dem people with y chromosomes for decoration. You would swear by how ignant act they all have trisomy in chromosome 21. LOL only the biology freaks will get that joke.
@Blue Skyez,
Does this mean Down Syndrome? Heh, I feel a lil smarter today.
@Me fail english?,
ding ding ding! you must be a biology freak too! *high fives*
I actually have a series on my blog called “You Know What Grinds my Gears”. And thats my FAVE episode of Family guy. It’s also the one where Stewie gets drunk and crashes the car.
Anyway, here’s some self-plagiarism
*People that list on their online profiles that their favorite books are “The Bible & The Sex Chronicles”. – How can you type that out without giving yourself a major side-eye? I mean REALLY in the same sentence and breath? How are you going to be quoting the book of Job in one breath, and reading about blow jobs on the other? NOT whats hot in the streets or frigid in the gutter. It is an oxymoron, and you definitely need a gang of people.
*P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP (my superhero English professor alter ego) weeps every time I see this. The blatant disregard for the rules of grammar, syntax and sentence structure is just unacceptable. I am not sure of its purpose but it is hella obnoxious. The tweens started this net speak, but I’ve seen grown people write whole paragraphs (or even emails) that look like this, and nothing grinds my gears more. Someone on my friend’s list on Facebook AlwAy5 wr1t3s h3r stAtu5e5 like that, and I am so tempted to defriend her. I just want her to pack her eSh*t and GO! She is bringing down my Facebook property value and I am thisclose to removing her from my eLife.
@Luvvie,
Is this person really a friend if their status updates look like a Boggle game board with a dice thrown in for effect?
@Nola Darling,
No she isn’t my friend. She’s on my Facebook friends list though. But one ofthese days, she gon find herself blocked for this crime against English
@Luvvie, for this I am your stan….
“I just want her to pack her eSh*t and GO! She is bringing down my Facebook property value and I am thisclose to removing her from my eLife.”
@Luvvie,
“*P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP ”
I loathe this shat with all of my being! I also can’t stand it when people use ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ or ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’ or ‘should of’ instead of ‘should have’ – Ugh!
@YGB,
Ah yes. Add to the list accept/except. *sigh* We need better English teachers and less dependence on MS Word
LOL i used to spend sooooo much time figuring out if i should use Effect or Affect. it was always an internal conflict for me (until i had to “teach” this in my grammar/style class in college) and i feel like ALL higher cognitive mammals (read: humans) should think before they type.
@Gem-balaya,
hell yea that still trips me up but i suck and grammer/ spelling anyways. spell check is my homie.
@YGB,
My absolute worst (and I’ve seen it done in Movies captions AND newspapers) is “it’s” and “its”…
The Dow Jones is going through a rough time. It’s value just plunged 110 points
So you mean to tell me, It is value went down 110 points? What does that even mean. Ugh! It irritates me to the nth degree… (n limit going towards infinity)… *rolleyes*
@Luvvie,
“AlwAy5 wr1t3s h3r stAtu5e5″
You dun noe it took me a while to figure out what that said. How old is she, I thought people left that stupidity in high school!
@Dope Fiend,
Anyone over the age of 7 should not think it’s clever to change letters for numbers that look similar. And since 7 yr olds aren’t allowed on FB, this lets you know she is TOO grown for that rubbish & jabbajantis!
BTW, she’s 22. *sadness*
@Luvvie, LMAO, my sister has a friend who writes like this. We send each other her statuses 3x a week. I really do want to put a big arse e-viction notice on her wall. Just get off my home page!!!
Another FB related transgression that grinds my gears is when people have statuses like this:
3 parties, hanging out with Common, and Miami next week! All this while writing 3 papers, I love my LIFE!!!!!!
Howe, sit down.
h0lL@!!!!
no ma’am. you sit down.
@Gem-balaya, i’m sorry, did i call out your facebook status? LOL.
@overit,
Clearly u did lol
girl please. i never have anything interesting going on in my life. there is nothing to ever brag about lol
@overit,
YES! The people who make all their Facebook statuses self-*ss kissing really make me wanna roundhouse kick them in the spleen. Sat yo braggadocious self down. Jeebs be some humility for you.
@Luvvie,
*P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP
OW it hurts my eyes!!!!
@Luvvie, on a similar note, i hate when people purposefully misspell words in their facebook status or other e-updates.
ex.: muzick….really?!?! it’s not like you’re saving time by cutting out words, just spell MUSIC.
ahhhhh….serenity now!
@Luvvie,
“*P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP”
YES. Why does this exist? Like, what Godforsaken heathen invented this?
Why is it cool? Why is it done even thought it seems like it takes way more time than regular typing?
@Luvvie,
“P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP (my superhero English professor alter ego) weeps every time I see this. The blatant disregard for the rules of grammar, syntax and sentence structure is just unacceptable. I am not sure of its purpose but it is hella obnoxious. The tweens started this net speak, but I’ve seen grown people write whole paragraphs (or even emails) that look like this, and nothing grinds my gears more. Someone on my friend’s list on Facebook AlwAy5 wr1t3s h3r stAtu5e5 like that, and I am so tempted to defriend her. I just want her to pack her eSh*t and GO! She is bringing down my Facebook property value and I am thisclose to removing her from my eLife”
I cant take it. My 18yr old sister does this same sh!t. I’m like go the he!! on with that. I cant read that sh!t.
@Luvvie, P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5.
I had never seen this until I friended a younger cousin of mine…he’s in college so I gave him a pass…..I had no idea this was a common phenomenon since all my other Facebook friends are old heads like me.
1. pple who are stingy and/or cheap
i.e. pple that order food for delivery and count their amount to the penny and never give up $ for a tip.
2. pple who hide an insult in a compliment
3. pple that are overweight but think they can tell other pple what/how to eat
4. pple that use the phrase “you know what I’m sayin” like 10x in one sentence and then on top of it don’t ever really say anything….
@maria,
In addition to Mr. “Know what I’m sayin’”, the people who always start a sentence with, “Tell me why…” as if we can help them!
@maria, “1. pple who are stingy and/or cheap
i.e. pple that order food for delivery and count their amount to the penny and never give up $ for a tip.”
I have a friend like this, so I find myself covering up her by leaving a lil extra on the tip. Do NOT go out to eat if you cannot leave a tip. And stop looking for reasons to subtract for it (i.e. your water glass was half empty and she didn’t refill it fast enough).
@maria,
“4. pple that use the phrase “you know what I’m sayin” like 10x in one sentence and then on top of it don’t ever really say anything….”
The. Worst. EVER.
@maria,
“pple who hide an insult in a compliment”
The only thing worse than a passive aggressive person is a passive aggressive person that thinks they’re clever. smh
@Me fail english?,
Yes- those who put LOL or an emoticon after an insult. If you want to insult me, insult me dammit!!! But that passive aggressive LOL e.g. “You’re great, except for your weight LOL!” Grrrrr!!!!
@maria,
1. pple who are stingy and/or cheap
i.e. pple that order food for delivery and count their amount to the penny and never give up $ for a tip.
bad tippers are just bad people in general.
@The Champ,
i despise that. but i make a name for myself in a good restaurant. they know me and know i tip well, so i have no problem asking for a favor or sending something back.
but the mofos i go to eat with, will complain about EVERYTHING on the menu and they only put the exact amt, i really hope they spit in their food.
my friend’s mom once removed some HAIR and put it in her drink to get a free one!! lol.
another guy i met at the bar, was super sweet, made a good deal of money, around 60k, working on his masters, good guy. ending the night…his tab came, $31.67…you know this fool put $31.67 on his card??? yeah, NO, you can’t have my number, cheap sucker!!
@jana.love,
I’m curious to know how you even knew his salary before he got your digits???
@The Champ,
yea ima a broke a$$ ni99 but i sure do tip good. except at the strip club lol then ima bad tipper
@maria,
2. pple who hide an insult in a compliment
this is the best comment ive ever read from someone named maria
@The Champ,
Of course it is, Humpty (my favorite egg-headed Pittsburghian).
Tee hee. I hope no gears were ground in that statement
@maria, i always tip, primarily because i used to waitress in Pittsburgh & Atlanta and i remember what it was like to get $2.17/hour and literally rely on your tips to make a decent living. And this isn’t because it was ages ago, the idea was that they payed you $3/hr less than minimum wage and your tips were supposed to take care of the rest. But in California, because of the cost of living, waitresses do NOT rely on tips to make more than minimum wage. So, I tip conservatively more often than not and i tip generously when the service is outstanding. But tipping in general doesn’t make sense to me. Why am I padding your salary? I realize it’s more of an American custom to show your appreciation for service (cuz they sure as h*ll don’t do it in europe), but now everyone wants a tip: starbucks, subway, the gelatto spot. When does it stop? Not to mention the delivery fee for Pizza Hut is now $3 in Los Angeles, so my tip is a dollar or less. The TET has made me a stingy mofo.
I concur on the whole list!
My list includes:
People who sit right next to me in a movie theatre/train/room and there are tons of seats available. I don’t understand this and it just happened to me today. There was a room with about 50 seats and 20 people and this one guy took the seat right next to me.
Constant indecisiveness at restaurants – People who never know what they want and take forever to decide even though we go to that spot all of the time.
Guys who ask me what I want to do on a date and then veto all of my answers until I pick something that they want to do. I went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago and he asked me what type of food do I want. I say Thai and then he pauses and then repeats the question like I didn’t give an answer. I ask him what he wants and he says anything. We go back and forth for about 10-15 minutes until he says that he wants to go for burgers. Why didn’t he just say that to begin with?
People who pay less than their share at restaurants or want to split the bill evenly when they ordered a lot more than everyone else.
People who don’t know how to have a good time when they go out. They’ll still come out, but have an attitude or try to bring everyone else down.
@Leila,
“Guys who ask me what I want to do on a date and then veto all of my answers until I pick something that they want to do”
This guy TOTALLY grinds my gears. He asks me what I want to eat. I said, I like everything but Italian, and if that’s what you really want I can still find smthg to eat on the menu.
So he says he’s down for anything. Bet. Japanese? No. Turkish? Ew. Well wtf do you like? He says “Real food.” Which I took to mean a diner and he was happy as a clam. That was our last date.
@Me fail english?,
@both yall omg i HATE these people in general.
i made up a rule that the person who is constantly shooting down suggestions has to come up with the same amount of suggestions or more to compensate for shooting down all of mine.
@tnt,
i made the kids i babysit do this and this translated into my reg. life too. kids are always “bored” and when one wants one thing and the other one doesn’t, they have to suggest something, or else guess what we doing? the actual suggestion. shoot.
@Leila,
“People who pay less than their share at restaurants or want to split the bill evenly when they ordered a lot more than everyone else.”
OMF! yes! I want to stab these people in teh eye!
Why did I go out last weekend and end up spending 70 f*cking pounds on drank i never drank! KMFT!
@Leila,
“People who pay less than their share at restaurants or want to split the bill evenly when they ordered a lot more than everyone else.”
Yup@ In H.S., we all go to eat and one of my friends basically said “YES” when the waitress asked for his order. That fool ordered like 5 courses while some folks only ordered a salad. Bill comes.
Him: “So let’s split the bill evenly”
Me: “The Devil is a LAH! You ate your common sense with that last dish.”
Nope. iCan’t and iWon’t.
@Luvvie, OMG I remember that night! Besides his tight wallet and tighter pants, I remember him buttering that one roll out the bread basket like, at least 11 times. So basically, he ate a stick of butter with a little bread on top. Heart attack game proper
@Kindred Smile,
LMAO! As we all looked on with our soups and salads
@Leila,
hell yea i hate when people sit right next to you and there is hella open seats back in my high school days we either look hella mean or take up hella room so they wouldnt even think of sittin nex to you. I hate when people do that in a empty parking lot and wanna park right next to ya car unless we have the same car scuuuuud ova beeezy.
LMAO @ “The menu’s been pretty much the same since pterodactyls were chasing tyrannosaurus booty.”
gear grinding gambits:
–ppl who still write checks and wait until their items are all rung up to fill out the check. seriously, where is your debit card?? and more importantly, why are you holding up the line to write in all the information you already knew before you walked in here (i.e. pay to the order of, date, your sig). go back to the rock from which you crawled out.
–guys without a plan and think “we should chill some time” or “wanna hang out” is the same as asking some one on a date. it’s not. it’s so ambiguous. if you just want to chill, the very least you could do is offer a suggestion as to what you’d like to do to chill. watch movies, watch the Celtics, go out for drinks, play cards, whatever. HAVE A PLAN MAN!!
–ppl who ask you if you’ve seen a certian movie or tv show episode and when you say NOT YET they proceed to tell you what happened. didn’t i just say i didn’t see it?? that was not an open invitation to ruin my weekend when i catch up on my shows/netflix.
–ppl who like kobe bryant.
@Gem-balaya,
ppl who still write checks and wait until their items are all rung up to fill out the check. seriously, where is your debit card?? and more importantly, why are you holding up the line to write in all the information you already knew before you walked in here (i.e. pay to the order of, date, your sig). go back to the rock from which you crawled out.
lol @ this. in these TET, who is still taking checks?
–guys without a plan and think “we should chill some time” or “wanna hang out” is the same as asking some one on a date. it’s not. it’s so ambiguous. if you just want to chill, the very least you could do is offer a suggestion as to what you’d like to do to chill. watch movies, watch the Celtics, go out for drinks, play cards, whatever. HAVE A PLAN MAN!!
agree with this. i don’t feel my most “lady” when you bring your raggedy a*s over with nary a plan or suggestion.
lol @ this. in these TET, who is still taking checks?
right!?!?! i was at WALGREEN’s the other day and this lady has like 2 items and she has a blank check in her hand. i’m staring at the check like is that uhh uhh a check?? and why is it blank?? and why is she carrying on a convo with the guy like there isn’t a long line. minutes later she’s like “can i have a pen” i wanted to STAB her with that pen. then the chick behind the counter on the otherside talm bout “i’m not open” then bish why you standing there?!?!?! i was so mad. i just wanted to get my redvines and go
@Gem-balaya,
lmbao i feel ya tho lol
@charli skipper,
lol mad @”lets kick it” you cant handle the truth!!!lol what do you want us to say. “We should kick it sometime and you should come over my house ill have the swishas you bring the drank and we gonna get faded watch movies and listen to music enjoy eachother company and end up chexin eachother multiple times untill someone goes to sleep then we will wake up and bang one last time before we go our separate ways”.
seee doesnt “we should kick it” sound a lil better lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
see if i guy used this “let’s kick it” strictly as code for “let’s do the nasty” then that’d be fine. but if you use it for a myriad of meanings, and really WANT to spend time with me (in addition to knockin boots) then HAVE A PLAN. goin over to your spot or you coming to mine isn’t enough to get me in the mood. at least show a sistah an enjoyable nonsexual time first. put in some work. damn.
@Gem-balaya,
lol ooooooooooooooooh.
@Gem-balaya, “ppl who like kobe bryant”
lol! Kobe Bryant fans are too much for me!
@Leila, I cannot stand that cheating mo fo’. And he resembles a pelican.
@Nicki Sunshine, LMAO @ a pelican
@Gem-balaya,
“-ppl who like Kobe Bryant”
You ma’am are a hater…lol
you’re right. i’m a hater of B*TCH@SSNESS. cannot support b*tch@ss n*ggas. it’s not in my genetic make up. sorry.
@Mimi,
I hope Ron Artest and Kobe will do some pay per view fight Kobe is a biiiiiiiiiiatch. He’s got game tho but without Shaq he will get no ring.
@Gem-balaya,
LMAO!! I’m N.I.A. and I endorse this message….
@Gem-balaya,
“–guys without a plan and think “we should chill some time” or “wanna hang out” is the same as asking some one on a date. it’s not. it’s so ambiguous. if you just want to chill, the very least you could do is offer a suggestion as to what you’d like to do to chill. watch movies, watch the Celtics, go out for drinks, play cards, whatever. HAVE A PLAN MAN!!”
Amen! That really grinds my gears, too.
Oh and preach on with your Kobe hate. I’m in the choir.
@Gem-balaya,
–ppl who like kobe bryant.
***vigorously shaking head***
rooting for kobe is like rooting for syphilis.
lmao indeed
@The Champ,
The thing is my hatred for Lebron has forced me to root for Kobe these past two seasons. I can’t take a decade of dominant Lebron.
@Gem-balaya,
Who writes checks anymore, apart from my Mama and Sister O’Dell? My mom had to order new checks the other day and I looked on intrigued. How do you order these things you call “checks?” *strokes chin*
Checks are up there with scrolls and papyrus in my book
@Luvvie,
Word. They shoulda got rid of checks with the abacus. My mama just asked me to write her a check yesterday. smh
@Gem-balaya,
–ppl who still write checks and wait until their items are all rung up to fill out the check. seriously, where is your debit card?? and more importantly, why are you holding up the line to write in all the information you already knew before you walked in here (i.e. pay to the order of, date, your sig). go back to the rock from which you crawled out.
I used to work as a cashier at a large supermarket. These antics used to make me want to slap them upside the head with a roll of quarters. I even offered that they sign up for our visa check card and the bastards would refuse. “Noooo. I’m just so used to writing my checks. tee hee.” Dam* I bet you still carry a pager, have a rotatory dial phone, and watch a rabbit ear-ed analog TV wondering why all you see is snow!
@Blue Skyez,
LOL! I HAAAATE when old ppl think it’s endearing or noble that they refuse to embrace new technology. They’re like the last samurais and everybody else has cannons.
Dam* I bet you still carry a pager, have a rotatory dial phone, and watch a rabbit ear-ed analog TV wondering why all you see is snow!
LMAOOOOOOOOO
@Blue Skyez,
heeeeey my tv still has antenaae’s or howeva you spell it. I dont watch tv like that unless its football season and cable aint really worth it. i got hella dvds for when eva i have a lady friend “over to kick it” lol didnt we establish that “kick it” = come over and let me hit it.
@Gem-balaya,
“–guys without a plan and think “we should chill some time” or “wanna hang out” is the same as asking some one on a date. it’s not. it’s so ambiguous. if you just want to chill, the very least you could do is offer a suggestion as to what you’d like to do to chill. watch movies, watch the Celtics, go out for drinks, play cards, whatever. HAVE A PLAN MAN!! ”
*clears throat*
To quote the great philosophers Little Brother:
She said we should go out on a date
I said that’s cool you can come to my house
She said ni99a please~! Do better than that
Why the fvck I wanna come over and chill on yo’ couch?
I laughed cause it seemed she had me all figured out
And my game ain’t work like it did befo’
Dem are days long gone, cause once they get grown
These h0es ain’t impressed by Applebees no mo’
Gotta dig a little deeper for that PF change, for PF Chang’s
And if you can’t afford it
You can still do thangs to show you ain’t on no dumb sh1t
Take her to a gallery, museum or some sh1t
Thank God for you and all the crew that you run with
Givin new meaning to the blind date
You so offi-shall, but a ni99a can’t attract Crist-al
With a Boone’s Farm mindstate!!
WHAT!! WHAT!!!
@GOODENess,
“Dem are days long gone, cause once they get grown
These h0es ain’t impressed by Applebees no mo’”
LMBO!!!
-guys that have nothing to say but insist on getting all in your face wasting time. “what it do?” is not sparkling conversation; move!
-when burger king is out of onion rings. well why are you open?
-when a guy is super faux-interested in you the day you meet and you like him too. then he waits 3 weeks to call you and actually thinks you have anything to say to him. um….kick rocks swiftly.
-black ppl that still use ignorant a*s descriptions like “good hair”/ high yella/ bad hair/ black as hell. um…shut your sambo a*s up, tyra.
-kyle on college hill. did anybody see tonight’s episode? there is no excuse for that girl not slapping the piss outta him. she actually needs her a*s beat.
@charli skipper,
“black ppl that still use ignorant a*s descriptions like “good hair”/ high yella/ bad hair/ black as hell. um…shut your sambo a*s up, tyra.”
LOL i’m so with you on this one! Someone was talking about good and bad hair today, in reference to a toddler with “nappy” hair. I was like first of all stop talking about people’s children, and secondly please stop with the self hatred, bc last time i checked ur hair was the same texture b4 you got that touchup fool!
@PrincesMo,
*cue School Daze montage*
Go on and swear, see if I care, good and bad hairrr…
@charli skipper, “when burger king is out of onion rings. well why are you open?”
I get so mad when restaurants are out of food that I want. I went to one place for lunch last week that ran out of chicken by noon. I wanted to leave, but I had no choice because it was the only restaurant in the area.
don’t even get me started!!!! i went to the movie theater a couple days ago and wanted the pretzel bites. i LOVE soft pretzel bites. they bring me joy. and it’s the only thing at the movies i’ll pay an arm and a leg for. so i get there at 7p and these mofos talm bout they are out. WHAT?!?! how are you OUT?!?! it’s a weekday and early evening at that!! i was heated.
Good People of VSB, ok well maybe not all GOOD….
WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS !!!!
my first name has THREE letters two of them are the same letter, I mean really you have known me since Grade School the spelling of my name has not changed
Can you not be suprised that I dont have children and have not been married. Please! Im ok with it so you and your single baseball team of the united nations tribe of children from various fathers having self should be ok with it too.
having multiple “Baby daddies” and not only thinking its ok, but that its normal. Guess again honey.
I have a colleague that loves to come in my office and speak in grandiose terms about things that we neither have the budget nor manpower to do. Can you stop wasting my time with your nonsense, thank you very much I dont need your help wasting my time, that is what Facebook is for.
your feet should not hang off the front of your shoe and your heel should not hang off the back PLEASE STOP WEARING ILL FITTING SHOES!!!! and if you know that about 20 minutes into wearing those stilletos your feet will hurt to the point that you will have to remove your shoes, please have a pair of ballet flats or flip flops with you. There is no reason on God’s earth that you should be bare foot in public, unless you are at the beach or park frolicing in the grass because you are filming a maxi pad commercial.
AND its SPRING while I can admire a pretty sandal on ugly feet, please for the sake of all that is good in the world, do something about your feet before you expose them to the world. They should not look like you been kicking flour, playing in the sandbox, or like you were in a claw fight with a velocer raptor. GET YOUR FEET TAKEN CARE OF AND PUT SOME DAMN LOTION ON THEM!
Thank you
Gracias
Merci
@Intellectual Hedonist, “Can you not be suprised that I dont have children and have not been married. Please! Im ok with it so you and your single baseball team of the united nations tribe of children from various fathers having self should be ok with it too.”
***standing ovation ****
I went to get my hair done by this West African lady the day before yesterday.. she made a weird sound when I told her my age and that I didn’t have any kids. What the effe????
your feet should not hang off the front of your shoe and your heel should not hang off the back
my uncle calls that “shrimp cocktail” and “dry biscuits”, respectively lol.
@Gem-balaya, I am over here dying @ shrimp cocktail.
@Gem-balaya,
lololololol I hate sandals for that reason only. I was in the store one day and this lady was in the aisle and well i look at womans feet cause ( long story ) and her feet was so ashe they was grey and they looked like she could climb a tree wit um if she had to. tha sad thing was the lotion was right behind her i wanted to pour out some on the floor hopin she would slip fall in it.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
i look at womans feet cause ( long story )
there’s nothin but space and opportunity. so go ‘head on den… don’t worry, i’ll wait….
@Gem-balaya,
Busted feet= busted woman
good feet = good woman
I cant date anyone with ugly/crusty/ashy all tha time feet. Like nelly said “im addicted to manicured and pedicured toes” i mean the bear claws i see nowadays make me wanna barf. and no i neva licked a toe i did give one girl a foot massage once.
I don’t think people should do #2 in public bathrooms. Especially at work.
@Liz,
wtf! you expect me to eat 2 meals and 2 snacks in 9 hours and not sh*t? that’s not healthy
only a woman would say something retarded like that…i once dated a chick for 6 months and i swear she never shat
the trick is to find where the execs bathrooms are AND to know the cleaning schedule…
for me that’s the 3rd floor, northeast corner, 10am and 3pm…now i just gotta hold it til 3:05
@Carver The Great!,
i actually have (clean) places plotted out around the city to hit up if the spirits move me. like, i know if i have to go and im downtown, i can hit up the lobby bathroom at the westin william penn
@The Champ,
i can only doodoo at home while opening junk mail and throwing them out. also taking fone calls and ending right before i have to flush, but i could last a good hour jus chillin.
i think doodoos at work are for emergencies only, when you got the bubblies and can’t see the computer screen without fainting. otherwise, leave that for home maynee.
LMAO omg this whole comment is a trip!!
i feel you though. i cannot go anywhere but home. mostly becuz my @$$ cheeks do not come close to touching public toilet seats. i squat to urinate but i am NOT squating to shat. no sir. i live a 5min walk from the j-o, so i will excuse myself and go home if necessary.
@Gem-balaya,
i understand that. after i say this long azz red hair on a toilet seat in the ladies room on my floor, i go up to the 4th floor…sometimes the 5th b/c there aren’t as many people working up there….
@jana.love, i think doodoos at work are for emergencies only, when you got the bubblies and can’t see the computer screen without fainting. otherwise, leave that for home maynee
this is actually very unhealthy, and if you go around holding your doos for too long, your system could get all messed up and you’ll find yourself in the doctors office leaving with a prescription for milk of magnesia. one of my cousins didn’t wanna take a dump at school, so he would hold it. sure enough, his system got backed up and he needed an Rx to get his bowels moving properly again.
true story. probably TMI, but i’m just trying to keep the lovely people of VSB happy and regular.
@A Plus,
nah, when you go twice a day you cool. i watched dr 0z on oprah, according to him, i have “good poops”
@jana.love,
“i could last a good hour jus chillin”
Dam*! It takes you an hour to doodoo. I think you need more fiber in your diet. I just sit plop wipe. I’m up in 1min30secs tops. LOL
@Blue Skyez,
nah, i’m done within the first 5-10 mins. if i took that long, that means i would have to be concentrating on the push and all that stuff, then i’ll have to come off the fone.
i jus don’t like to mix things…like ummmm wiping while on the fone? gross. if the convo is good, i jus chill, read a mag, discuss, open my mail, discuss my mail, doodoo, finish doodoo, talk for another 45 mins, get off the fone, finish up and wash my hands. lol.
it’s a process folks.
@jana.love,
preeeeeech hell yea
the older i got i realized my doodoo time was sacred
@jana.love,
“i think doodoos at work are for emergencies only, when you got the bubblies and can’t see the computer screen without fainting. otherwise, leave that for home maynee.”
My thoughts exactly!
@The Champ,
that’s a great f*cking idea! there’s nothing worse than having to drop a deuce and not being able to.
i think this may actually be the leading cause of car accidents.
@The Champ,
there’s a westin william penn??
@Gem-balaya,
yea
@The Champ,
hmm interesting. the more you know…
@The Champ, like, i know if i have to go and im downtown, i can hit up the lobby bathroom at the westin william penn
wow, you just ruined my favorite hotel. forever. thanks.
@Carver The Great!, only a woman would say something retarded like that…i once dated a chick for 6 months and i swear she never shat
This is called IBS and it’s a women’s affliction. Maybe we get it cuz we spend time pretending we don’t sh*t… ioonnnoo…
@Carver The Great!,
you know, i honestly think theres a correlation between a woman being able to shat outside her home, and her ability to orgasm. i bet most cat ladies are home-sh*tters
@The Champ,
i bet most cat ladies are home-sh*tters
t-shirt?
@Carver The Great!,
This is the funniest ish I have ever read.
@Liz,
Amen. This is just inconsiderate and foul.
@Liz,
Sing my song Liz. Someone’s at work drop funkmaster flex type of bombs. You can smell it before you even bend the corner. Two words. Courtesy flush!
indeed, if you are going to shat in public courtesy flushes are a MUST!!!! and do not, i repeat DO NOT leave anything visible behind you!! ugghh
@Nola Darling,
rollin on the floor @ funk master flex bomb
yea this guy in my office does that ery day after lunch around 1pm and eryone on the floor knows. Yestaday I actually ran cause i saw him grabin a magazine i thought noooooo and turned into oj in the airport hertz comercial shiiii I had to squeeze a leak in b4 hiroshima and i barely made it i felt like indiana jones tryna get in and out the cave b4 the lava fills it up.
@Liz,
It’s not like people plan to do #2 at work – when you gotta go, you gotta go!
@Liz,
“I don’t think people should do #2 in public bathrooms. Especially at work.”
so you want everyone to sh*t in the paper–shredders at their desks?
@The Champ,
No. Go sat down
@The Champ,
i took a dump in my homies back yard when i was bout 10 yrs old and whiped my a$$$ with a big ole leaf lol Im actually not ashamed of it either. I was spendin the night and his pops was takin hella time.
“Smokey back there takin a $h!t”
@Liz,
if you eat breakfast, lunch, a snack, and drink regular coffee at work, and not have to do #2 at some time during the day, i suggest you go see your doctor immediately…or invest in some Metamucil….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
i eat just as much and actually work a 12 hr day on fridays, but i am very very regular. i just have that fear of public bathrooms. heck, i go HOME to pee. (on my break) cuz i just…can;t…do…it..
@N.I.A. naturally….,
I’m curious how many times a day you guys go. I can go at home for as often as “the spirit moves me”. Feel free not to answer that.
@Me fail english?,
LOL!
without giving details, let’s just say, it depends on if i’m having a good eating day, or a bad(junk food, pizza, dairy, not many fruits, veggies, or whole grains) day.
LOL! i too can go as often as “the spirit moves me” becuz i eat a lot of fiber so my b-movements are quite regular. but i never go during the middle of a work day unless i had something that didn’t agree with my stomach.
@Gem-balaya, that was alot of information, gemmie.
@Me fail english?,
i drop the deuce, twice a day most times. but def daily, if i do it more than that, we got a problem. lol.
@Me fail english?,
twice when i wake up and after work.
unless i eat ice cream hey you kno most black folks are lactose intolorant but we dont care anyways.
@N.I.A. naturally….,
Riiight??
I mean, it’s only natural!
This whole thread may have ruined my lunch. Thanks for nothing, everyone
@Liz,
LOL…I try my best to avoid droppin’ deuces in public myself. Especially at work. Maybe it’s because I eat the most at dinner time, not lunch. Usually it works out, but on the rare occurence that it doesn’t:
I go when everyone else is at lunch and the bathrooms are empty. Works magic until someone suprisingly comes in (obviously using my tactic), then I sit there quietly ’til they leave…I’ont want them hearing the deuce hit the water or nothing. lol
I hate being the one to exit the bathroom right as someone you know walks in and you see their srunched up face. I hate it especially when that stank wasn’t my fault. Bathrooms just SMELL like that.
Wait a minute…
WTF is this post. I need to stop talking about this and escape this text box…lol
@everyone,
Since y’all were sharing poop stories I decided to be equally gross and say:
When I was in Portugal in December I didn’t #2 the entire week. By the time I got to Kenya (my next stop), I thought I was gonna die. But I did go. I got to New Orleans (last stop on trip) and maybe went once that entire week.
My bowels lock up when I leave the state of Illinois.
@iloV.E.G.rits,
That reminds me of my first time on a plane, we waited for like 50-leven hours because of weather cancellations and finally when everyone was lining up to board, I had to go SUPER bad. Or it felt like I did. My tummy was hurting something fierce. I willed it away because I didn’t want to end up not having a seat or not sitting next to the fam (I was nervous enough as it is to fly) so I held it in. Thankfully, it did eventually go away and I boarded.
My stomach had never hurt that badly before, though. lol