Great Hashtags For All The Guys Who Weren’t Able To Participate On #BigGuyTwitter Day » VSB

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Great Hashtags For All The Guys Who Weren’t Able To Participate On #BigGuyTwitter Day

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It’s Thursday, which means Black America is finally recovering from all of the thirst induced (and thirst exposed) Tuesday when #BigGuyTwitter — a celebration of unusually tall and large men — led to widespread digital dehydration. (And, just in case the parchedness hadn’t fully permeated, #BigGuyTwitter eventually led to #BigDickTwitter — which I will not be linking to.)

Let’s forget for a moment the inanity of spotlighting and celebrating large and handsome men, which is something that already happens literally every second of every day. (What’s next? An entire day for #I’mWorthSevenFiguresTwitter? Or #I’mLiterallyBarackObamaTwitter?) Instead, let’s think of all the guys who deserve their own special Twitter day, but didn’t fit in Tuesday’s big guy bukkake. What are some great hashtags for us, er, them?

#MyDickIsPerfectlyProportionalToMyPhysicalSizeTwitter

The skinny/short dudes with walrus meat and the cursed big dudes with bite-sized Snickers get all of the attention, but what about the guys whose dicks look exactly how they’re supposed to look? Where is #YeahThatMakesSenseTwitter? Or #NoSurprisesThereTwitter? Perhaps even #IWasSufficientlyWhelmedTwitter?

#NiggasWhoExfoliateTwitter

If you’re a guy with an efficient and effective skin regiment, you deserve at least a day for everyone to bask in your glow. And share restoration tips.

#MyFeetActuallyDontLookThatTerribleTwitter

Sadly, this is a hashtag I could never be a part of. Years of basketball on parquet floors and outdoor pavements have left my feet looking like distended slabs of Trader Joes Turkey Bacon. I would definitely spend that entire day hating on all you soft foot niggas out there.

#NotAKappaTwitter

All you have to do to partake is literally not be a Kappa.

#FinallyFoundThePerfectHaircutForMeTwitter

An underrated part of the life-long hair journey for men is finally finding the style that brings out the best you. And, if you think this is something to scoff at — that it doesn’t really matter — just think of all the guys you know who’d jump from 5s to 7s if they just found the right barber and the right hair mentorship.

#MediumBrownSkinnedBlackManTwitter

Lost in the never ending cold and civil war between the dark and light factions — with Steph Curry’s 17-point overtime Tuesday night serving as its Cuban Missile Crisis — is the brown skinned Black man. Which is effectively Black America’s Switzerland.

#BaselineTallManTwitter

If you’re between 5’11 and 6’2, you’re not talltall, but you are tall enough to be tall enough. While no one is going to fantasize about climbing you, no one is going to not date you because you’re not tall enough either. Personally, I’m thinking about starting this hashtag today. I’d totally be all up in #BaselineTallManTwitter. Which could also be called #PossessionReceiverTwitter, #BackUpNBAPointGuardTwitter, and #MedianBlackActorHeightTwitter.

#ILookNiceInHatsTwitter

For all the men who can wear a hat and not be a guy who makes people think “maybe he shouldn’t wear hats.” Basically, a day for men who don’t happen to be me.

#UnnecessarilyBrolicForMyDayJobTwitter

This is basically just a hashtag for all the #BigGuyTwitter guys who work at T-Mobile.

#WarmAndSoftHandsTwitter

Years ago, a woman I knew once told me she met Flavor Flav and he had the warmest and softest hands she ever felt.

Really?” I asked “How warm and soft were they?”

“Before meeting him I couldn’t understand how he was able to sleep with actual women. After shaking his hand, I understood.”

#BetterAthleteNowThanIWasInHighSchoolTwitter

If you don’t have any shots in action of you playing sports in high school or college, but you have a ton of shots of you dominating co-ed adult flag football leagues and Delta-sponsored kickball games, this is your day to shine.

#NiggasWithNiceGlassesAndSuitsThatFitTwitter

A day for me!!!

#NiggasWithNiceLipsTwitter

A day for niggas with nice lips, I guess.

#MyBeardIsTryingReallyHardAndMakingProgressTwitter

If you don’t quite qualify for #PostBadBeards, but your facial hair situation is putting forth a dogged effort — basically, if you have a Keanu beard — you deserve a day. Maybe you can even link up with #NiggasWhoExfoliateTwitter and share preconditioning tips. 

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • #UnnecessarilyBrolicForMyDayJob
    Twitter
    This is basically just a hashtag for all the #BigGuyTwitter guys who work at T-Mobile.
    Now, if the company would only supply their stores with more than (XM) extra medium shirts, for the larger staff…

    • brothaskeeper

      They’re passing the time until the next NFL combine. Don’t knock the hustle.

  • NoGames

    Maaan…a Kappa must have done someone REALLY wrong long ago…they always all up and through VSB’s lame list. Why, Sway?

    • Jennifer

      Because life.

  • Ess Tee

    “#IWasSufficientlyWhelmedTwitter?”

    And it was upon reading this that the lyric “See you at the crossroads, crossroads, crossroads” began a loop in my head.

  • OSHH

    This post made me giggle. Nice way to lighten things up a bit.
    This right here tho.#FinallyFoundThePerfectHaircutForMeTwitter.
    I worked with a guy that still had like a low flat top in the mid 2000’s and prolly had been wearin it for years prior..so one day he told me he a lil self conscious about the shape his head and so I basically encouraged him to go for a diff cut, update his look a bit..so one day he shows up at work with a bald head and I was like see told ya so. He literally went from 5 to a 7.

  • And in closing..
    #LookNiceInHats << where do I sign up?

    • OSHH

      Someone told me once there is something in the spirit of people who rock a mean hat..though the hashtag is for the fellas I do so quite nicely myself, other people be siced lol

    • miss t-lee

      I wish I could rock hats…I envy folks who can and look well while doing so.

      • My collection is embarrassing.

        • miss t-lee

          Probably like my purses or shoes…lol

          • Val

            What’s really embarrassing is being a grown woman with a collection of backpacks. Lol Thas me.

            • miss t-lee

              Everybody has there something…lol

            • Cleojonz

              This was me for a while too. I still love backpacks but only have a few now.

          • Tambra

            I used to do shoes, but no more, too many dry rot. Thinking of collecting good jewelry, logic is they can always be sold if times get too rough.

            • miss t-lee

              dry rot?

              • Tambra

                They will fall apart from lack of use.

                • miss t-lee

                  Never experienced this.

                  • Tambra

                    KK, but heat does that.

      • MsSula

        I love me some hats. I was probably an English courtisane in an another life.

        • miss t-lee

          Possibly?

  • #BaselineTallManTwitter I’m all for #slotreceivertwitter

    #WarmAndSoftHandsTwitter should not be confused with #softhandstwitter

    • miss t-lee

      yeah #softhandstwitter is a whole nother animal.

    • #slotreceivertwitter is hilarious!

  • Other_guy13

    I clearly missed something…what the duce???

  • miss t-lee

    I’m *cackling*
    Don’t feel bad, I’m just be over here waiting for #TallPlusSizePearShapedCrazyBroadTwitter to pop off.

    • Other_guy13

      Yea…im gone sit this one out…I see this going left at any moment…im only liking from this point on.

      • miss t-lee

        bye…lol

        • Other_guy13
          • miss t-lee

            I’ve always hated this song.

            • Tambra

              I have given up. But delight when I am taller than someone else.

              • Kas

                Oh so petty.

                • Tambra

                  Yup.

            • Other_guy13

              Used to be my theme song til I realized my awesomeness and stopped giving af..

              • miss t-lee

                Smart.

                • Other_guy13

                  Folks legit get butt hurt about it…its not that serious. Live life, be great!

                  • miss t-lee

                    Yup.

    • Hello! Let’s talk. I do have a radio edit for… Certain activities. LOL

      • miss t-lee

        Comedy.

        • Hey, you have to be able to serve various markets. Plus, my dad is pressuring me to marry “so I won’t be lonely”. Come on! LOL

          • Other_guy13

            Didn’t know that was a thing for men til I turned 30…wait…I said I was only liking stuff…bye!

            • I’m 30+ dude. 36 to be precise.

              • Other_guy13

                Still the question are starting to come and I don’t like it. LET ME BE GREAT GRANDMA!!!!!

                • Sitcho unmarried ayus in the corner. lmao

                  • Well I was married, and I have a child. I thought my job was done. LOL

                    • Other_guy13

                      I have a dog and a real great friend if that counts….no…i’ll just go to the corner.

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      Here you go…..

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      noap. Big momma needs somebody to do that baby’s hair right!

                    • Other_guy13

                      LOL

                    • I throw money at that problem. $50 a month makes my life easier. Plus I unbraid and detangle myself, so that combines daughter quality time with work. I’m good!

                    • was married? that means you ain’t done… lol

                    • Well, I did roll out like I was glad that LOX was Ruff Ryding now! The day I announced my divorce on VSB I got congratulations. Things got real in this field. Nah, no need to rush.

                    • LMNOP

                      I’m still happy for you with the divorce and think it makes a lot of sense to take your time to avoid ending up in that situation again.

                    • Dayum.

                  • Other_guy13

                    For why…what we do? I’m just tryna live and find my Teyonah Parris look alike…let me live.

                    • Lmao.. legit lmao

                    • Other_guy13

                      My truth is my truth.

                    • brothaskeeper

                      I heard Teyonah Parris….where? Oh, shhhhhhhh….here comes Mrs. BK. *whistles nonchalantly*

                    • Other_guy13

                      Nah bruh..that’s all me.

                  • brothaskeeper

                    Let that man be great!

                    • Other_guy13

                      Thanks coach

                    • brothaskeeper

                      Got’cho back like vertebrae!

                  • Cleojonz

                    I keep telling y’all us marrieds can play too. We drink and we know thangs!

                  • Mochasister

                    ¡Ya no quiere estar solo!

                • Kas

                  Bring women around that grams would want you to marry. The questions and pressure will stop.

                  • Other_guy13

                    I don’t have that type of time to fake the funk and give false hope.

                    • Kas

                      Supposed to be “not” between would and want. My bad.

                  • Mochasister

                    You’re good! Sneaky but good!

                • Sigma_Since 93

                  Grandma don’t want you to break a hip trying to play horse with jr when he’s 8

                • My parents have really been on me since i turned 30, and Im like do you see these slim pickings out here!
                  Just lemme be great, travel & try to get some abs.

                  • Other_guy13

                    Amen to the abs and the travel…but don’t forget about all the food..unmarried food just taste better…oh…and if i’m single by the time you get them abs…hit me up….Kidding….not kidding….Kidding lol

                    • You are a man after my own heart with FOOD. @disqus_COadNnnOVt:disqus

                    • Other_guy13

                      You just said food with a HARD F… Marinate my ribs so I know it’s real.

                    • BOL, how you want your ribs?
                      Baby back, Apple Cider Vinegar overnight drain with a dry rub.
                      Smoked with a rub or some OJ? ?

                    • Other_guy13

                      *Debates googling KayTee ‘s state of residence…buying a plane ticket and bring an apron and bib but then decides not to because that would put him in the crazy house*….

                      But this smoked with some OJ situation….lord…

                      http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6bize2NKz1qjstdno4_250.gif

                    • I literally screamed and my coworkers looked at me crazy. Food allergies have forced me to get creative in the kitchen and fueled my passion for cooking even more. BTW Texas born & Raised ?

                    • Other_guy13

                      1. I cause screams at times…let me stop.
                      2. I only started cooking to save money for my habits n what not..I would rather pay others or marry into food like some women marry into money.
                      3. Texas you say…been there before…its like ATL(my stomping grounds) on steroids and hotter…I used wish bad things on that place…bad memories and what not…Its a cool place though if we talking about Huston…San Antonio is a bad place….why wont Diqus let me be great.

                    • Houston… The hot, flooded bayou city

                    • Other_guy13

                      I like what I like…where you at? If you say San Antonio I will step on your pinky toe.

                    • #DamnDaniel not my pinkie – a little petty, duely noted ??

                    • Other_guy13
                    • Other_guy13

                      wait…your saying your in Huston…okay…we can coexist n ish.

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      Awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! I like your thirst. It’s so diplomatic. #tellsselftotakenote

                    • Other_guy13

                      What’s a rizpah???

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      A woman of tenacity, a woman of faith!!!!! She was Saul’s concubine, and did not rest for 6 months fending off vultures and all manner of evil, until her two sons got a state burial. A concubine was looked down upon.

                    • Other_guy13

                      Okay…now back to my thirst…actually nevermind it….your name intrigues me. Not sure why you want to be that but hey…I’m not sure why people vote for trump either.

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      Because, her story is inspirational.

                    • Other_guy13

                      I can see that

                    • Other_guy13

                      No shade btw

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      I didn’t take it as that.

                    • Mochasister

                      I admire her devotion to her sons. She was by herself and fended off wild animals from her dead sons’ bodies. For months. You have to admire that tenacity.

            • Buster Cannon

              Bruh, I’m 25 and the questions are endless :/

              • Other_guy13

                Just wont let us be great.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                I’m 32, the questions won’t ever stop

                • brothaskeeper

                  Neither of y’all are 42, tho.

                  • Other_guy13

                    oh

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    No but you know you still got questions too!

                    • brothaskeeper

                      I’m saying, I get MORE questions at my age, and from EVERYONE, not just family. “Aren’t you too old for a girlfriend?” “Aren’t you too old to have kids?” “Can you have kids?” “Don’t you know that by the time you’re _____years old, your child is gonna be ______ years old?” “Is there something wrong with you mentally?”

                    • Tambra

                      Just be grateful you are a man.

                    • Kas

                      Why?

                    • Tambra

                      If a guy is being asked that question, think how much a woman is being asked. It doesn’t matter what stage she is at in her career, education or what not, her primary function is still to ensure the human race continues.

                    • Kas

                      Duh, of course. What’s your point doe?

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      There is more pressure on a woman to settle down and pop babies than a man.

                    • Kas

                      Sorry, not following

                    • IwanttobeaRizpah

                      Goodnight.

                    • Kas

                      ;)

                    • Tambra

                      That we get asked that question from the time we are 15.

                    • Kas

                      Not following.

                    • Tambra

                      Boy bye!

                    • Kas

                      I’m just seeking knowledge.

                    • Tambra

                      Thought you were playing send the fool a little further. I am over 30 and childless by choice and I keep hearing remarks to the effect that I am wasting my life. You know a dr once told me that women are designed to have kids and I must fulfil my obligations. Too many times a woman’s worth has been wrapped on in maternity. That is why in some cultures being called a “mule” is worse than being a heaux.

                    • Kas

                      So now I feel bad because I was yanking your chain. Sawree. I know it’s rough out there for women just trying to be appreciated as full human beings.

                    • Tambra

                      Nah hun. It’s ok. I made my choices. Sometimes I regret and other times I am cool with it. Plus, its not totally over.

                    • Tambra

                      It’s cool.

                    • Mochasister

                      I’m so old now people have stopped asking!

                    • Other_guy13

                      I just flip it on them and say “well mom ..you and grandma should have had kids by taller men…your bad”…that shuts them up everytime and makes crack TF up…

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      But you’re like a wise sage.

                      Which means you really want to choke A LOT of people, because I’ve had the same problem as you since 11.

                    • Kas

                      You have plenty of time. At least another 6 or 7 months. Don’t let them press you.

                    • brothaskeeper

                      Wait, MONTHS?

                    • Kas

                      You want to be married at least a year before you start any baby making. 42 + 1 + 10 months puts you at 44ish. As someone who had his first kid at 44, trust me when I say you don’t want to be older than that. Also, make sure you go no older than 30 for the soonest to be betrothed Mrs. BK. I only did a 9 year gap myself and it wasn’t enough.

                    • brothaskeeper

                      *bites fingernails*

                    • Kas

                      Kids are great but they really change the dynamic. If you aren’t on solid footing before they arrive . . .

                    • Mochasister

                      Why do people think if you’re in your forties and not married there’s something wrong with you?!

                • Other_guy13

                  Im going to protest

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    You can but it never works

          • miss t-lee

            Hahah. Your pops wants you to settle down.

            • I’m not against the concept but let a man rock and find someone he likes. The first go round didn’t work out too tough.

              • miss t-lee

                Gone head and let him arrange you with someone.

                • We’re in America. I don’t do that arranged marriage game.

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’m well aware where we are…lol
                    Most of the folks I know in arranged marriages are happy, so there’s that.

                    • LMNOP

                      I kind of feel like it’s a crapshoot however you do it

                    • miss t-lee

                      I agree…lol

                    • Kas

                      I know one person. She is happy as can be.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I know 3…1 lady, 2 guys…all happy.

                    • Mochasister

                      I think they may be on to something. Clearly we are doing something wrong in the West.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I can definitely appreciate it for what it is.

    • T, you oft times paint a wicked visual.

      • miss t-lee

        *curtsies*

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      It is in my head. Every day.

      But you forever throw shade my way so…………

    • Nix the “Tall” and I’m there sis!

      • miss t-lee

        *daps*

      • Other_guy13

        Go on???

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          Lol. You!!

    • brothaskeeper

      *follows*

      • miss t-lee

        bwahaha

  • Julian Green

    This is making me glad I’m not on Twitter; I’d never get any work done.

  • IsitFridayyet?

    I think #blackmenfromthemidwesttwitter needs a boost. The coasts gets too much credit.

    • miss t-lee

      True. I never see them get much love.

      • Val

        Do you consider Texas to be the Midwest or the South?

        • miss t-lee

          It’s the South, and it’s Texas.
          We kinda are awesome like that…lol

          • LMNOP

            Texas is big enough to just be Texas.

            • miss t-lee

              I know…but there is no denying they’re we’re also Southern. Folks always try to cheat us out of that affiliation for some reason.

        • brothaskeeper

          It’s the United States of Texas.

        • Londa

          South.

        • Mochasister

          Southwest region.

    • When the east is in the house, OMG!

    • Yaaaaaaaas.

    • Mochasister

      Yeah, nobody feels the pain of us Midwestern Negros.

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