Lists, Theory & Essay

Good Question.

I’m a man.  What that inevitably means is that at some point in time, I’ve said something uber-stupid or done something uber-dumb in regards to women.  In my attempts to look cool to the chicas, I probably waylamed myself out.  Lucky for me, I’m who I am, so despite myself, I manage to be me ,which is always a good thing.

I’m also humble.  It’s one of my finer qualities.  And I have so many.  Modesty is definitely another one.

I slay me.  I really do.

With that in mind, earlier today I got to thinking about some times when I’ve put my foot in my mouth when talking to a woman.  Sometimes it was on purpose, other times, not so much.  I heard somewhere one day that there are certain questions that you just don’t ask a woman.  “How old are you?”  and “How much do you weigh?” are the clear front runners but to me, that seems to leave a plethora of questions that men need to know not to ask women.

Since benevolence is ALSO one of my great qualities (there I go with the humble modesty again), and since we at VSB.com are all about the education of the people (we’re SO anti mis-education of Negroes),  I figure that the least I can do is share with my fellow brethren is a few other questions that you should just never ask a woman.  Mmkay?

K.

1.  So, when are you due?

I’ve witnessed my father ask this of a woman before.  Not.Pretty.  Not only was she not expecting, she didn’t even look like she was.  Pops just figured “what the hell, I’m married, I’ll never see her naked anyway, let’s see if she’s pregnant.”  Patriarchal knowledge aside, unless you know for a fact that a thicker chick is pregnant, it doesn’t behoove you to wonder that wonderment.  On the flip side, it’s ALWAYS funny to ask a non-pregnant woman if she’s expecting, especially if you never want to see her naked.  Mostly because you probably won’t after you ask that question.  Plus, if she is, you exposed her.  Geraldo would be proud.

2.  (after getting her name)  So, is that your stage name or what?

I remember the first time my homey Boom told me about her boy doing that in Lenox Mall in Atlanta, I teared up from laughing so hard.  Mostly, because I’d like to do that one day.  Just seems like a hoot.  Besides, all chicks are undercover strippers anyway, you might be boosting her ego.  It helps to throw a dollar at her.

3.  How long do you normally make guys wait before they hit?  Two?  Three dates?

This is a bad question all around.  For one, let’s say she does only make cats wait two dates, but now you done blown up her spot so she has to make it seem like that’s not the case.  You just added a few dates onto your sentence, homey.  What a dumbarse.  The game is to be sold, not to be told.  There you go telling me no, again.  There you go.

Sorry, had a Keith Sweat moment.

4.  Do you mind if I don’t spend the night?

Especially if you follow it up with, “I’ve got a early morning meeting at 2pm tomorrow. ”  Look, nobody wants to feel used.  It hurts.  And to add insult to injury, it’s not like you were going to put money on the nightstand, so its like you left AND it was a freeby.  That’s just rude.  It’s better to just get up and leave WITHOUT asking.  Tsk.  Too many words, friend.  Too many words.

5.  How do you feel about the song “Put It In Your Mouth”?

If you’re not in the club and the song just went off, this is never a good question to ask a woman.  For one, it kind of implies that you care about her opinion of Akinyele.  And NOBODY cares about Akinyele.  She’ll think you have bad taste in rappers and that won’t even get you to second base, pal.  Keep the hip-hop discussions above board and just ask the question, who’s the best rapper in NY, “Jay-Z, Biggie, or Nas”.  By the way, Biggie?  Dead.

R.I.P.

So, what are some other questions that you should never ask a woman?  And ladies, us brothas need help here.  What should we NEVER ask you?

This is education.

It was written.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

Filed Under: , ,
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • MillieJ

    five mins. after meeting:

    Is that your real hair?

    and then when I proceed to say yes.insist I’m lying.

    • Leila

      @MillieJ, then when I proceed to say yes.insist I’m lying.

      This reminds of when I was in school and guys would not only question me when I said yes, but would pull my hair to see if I was telling the truth.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Leila, don’t you know that just means they liked you?!?!

        • Leila

          @Panama Jackson, haha

      • MillieJ

        @Leila,

        Lol, in HS my best friend had a “hair stalker” he would wait outside the lunchroom and trying to feel on her head/hair as we were walking in the door. Every.Darn.Day.
        He said it just looked so” touchable and shiny.”

        • Leila

          @MillieJ, a hair stalker lol. My experience was roller-skating parties in elemenatary school where a few of the boys would grab my hair when they roller-skated by and I would have to regain my balance first and then chase them…

      • WordSmith

        @Leila,

        Better than, “but dark-skinned girls aren’t supposed to have long hair, so it can’t be real.”

        True. Story.

        • Leila

          @WordSmith, Ignorant.

        • YGB

          @WordSmith,

          You shoulda kicked him til he was dead!

      • Voiceofreason

        @Leila,

        Glad I’m not alone. I had a guy actually put his fingers in my roots and said, “Just checkin’ for tracks!”

        • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          @Voiceofreason, I am upset that he not only reached into your head uninvited…but then announced what he was doing…what if he found some tracks, huh? then what? smh

    • Jay_Delicious

      @MillieJ, I agree… and would like to add any question along the same lines (i.e. are those your real eyes, breasts, teeth ect.) and then insiting that I am lying. let’s just assume I know what I’m talking about when it comes to me…

      • postmodern pwnage

        @Jay_Delicious, I would take it as a compliment. Questioning the authencity of said body part means you’re hot!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @MillieJ,

      welcome and sh*t

    • SouthernGirl

      @MillieJ,

      welcome!!!

      *shooting gold stars*

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

      @MillieJ,

      Welcome!!!!

      **Special Edition PRESIDENT OBAMA Diva Dust ™** to you.

      Sorry I’m late… been in quarterly case meeting all morning.

      BUT NOW I’M FREEEEEEEEEE

      • Lil’T

        @blackberry molasses,

        Did you say you have new dust? Presidential at that? Yeah, I’ll be around – at midnight, with my merry band of thieves.

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

          @Lil’T,
          mmmmhmmm… your merry band of thieves will get STOLE ON…

      • MillieJ

        Hey everyone,

        I feel all special,Presidential dust and whatnot.

        is this divo dust then?

    • http://www.myspace.com/tiara215 Tasty Kake215

      Yea, after the hair question comes asked if ur mixed or not?
      Yea, wit n*gga n mo’ n*gga

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

    Good Post. I got a few good chuckles. The question I’d never ask….

    So, how many people have you Really slept with?

    That’s askin for trouble on so many levels.

    • postmodern pwnage

      @Slim Jackson, ok I know i am going on a tangent here, but in response to that question, would 10 people be better than none? Ok, that made little sense…lets try this again- If someone responded with ‘none’, would that be worse than a number in the double digits?

      • YGB

        @postmodern pwnage,

        It makes no difference what the answer is – men will just believe she’s lyin anyway!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @postmodern pwnage,

        f someone responded with ‘none’, would that be worse than a number in the double digits?

        ummmm….no.

      • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

        @postmodern pwnage,

        Definitely would not be worse to say none. I just might say hallelujah depending on how old she is.

      • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        @postmodern pwnage, I DON”T DO VIRGINS!!! but I won’t ask that question cuz I won’t believe the answer…and honestly, as long as YOU know how many, I don’t really need to know…ignorance is bliss…unless of course you’er a VIRGIN…then you do not pass go, do not collect 2 hunnit dollars!

  • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    1. Which one of your friends would you have sex with?

    2. How old was your mother when she started getting fat?

    3. When was the last time you had sex?

    4. How much money do you make?

    5. Can my ex come to our wedding?

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

      @Hostess,

      2. How old was your mother when she started getting fat?

      3. When was the last time you had sex?

      maximum co-signage on these.lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Hostess, these are oh so wrong but oh so right. and i would know considering how I’m Mr. Oh So Sexxy.

      lol. its past my bedtime.

    • Leila

      @Hostess, 5. Can my ex come to our wedding?

      A guy had the nerve to ask you that?

      • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

        @Leila, Uh naw. Any man marrying or dating me would know that’s not a cool thing to even think, let alone speak aloud. Just like I’d know not to ask him, “Were you a zygote when your wretched shrew of a mother ran your daddy off?” I wouldn’t even think such a thing for fear that it would come out one day.

        • Rita

          @Hostess,

          “Were you a zygote when your wretched shrew of a mother ran your daddy off?”

          that’s deep.

        • Pey-SO

          @Hostess,
          “Were you a zygote when your wretched shrew of a mother ran your daddy off?”

          I cant think of a situation where I would wanna say this to another human being….

          • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

            @Pey-SO,

            I actually can. As a matter of fact, I look for occasions to question and ridicule some fcuktard of a man’s prenatal development and/or early childhood years, in search of a biological excuse for his rudeness and stupidity.

            Any use of the word “zygote” in this situation is to be applauded, as one has probably gotten to the deepest layers of this dummy’s dysfunction. *smh*

            • GEMazing

              co-signage

            • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

              @PBG,

              This is hilarious to think about…

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      @Hostess, #4. How much money do you make? is definately a no-no. Men, don’t like it when we ask the question, so they shouldn’t be asking us.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

    never ask a woman “do you always dress like that?” when referring to her oversexed style of dress or her alternative or less than flattering style of dress. neither one goes over well. better to say i bet you would look fly in xyz…then to outright tell her that her style is garbage.

    • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

      @Miss Patterson, yo that’s some ole I’m tryin to change you manipulative styled conversation. Like meatloaf ‘I won’t do that.’

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

      @Miss Patterson,
      if her style is garbage isn’t it better to tell her to her face? Otherwise how will she ever know?

    • Luvtheshoes

      @Miss Patterson,

      I had a version of this…”Why don’t you wear dresses more? My ex used to dress up everyday.”

      Throat punch!

      • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula-in-training

        @Luvtheshoes,

        I co-sign the throat punch!

        Wtf? “My ex used to dress up everyday”. How about you go back to your ex?????

    • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      @Miss Patterson, nah saying “I bet you would look fly in XYZ” alludes to the fact that you don’t think she looks “fly” in whatever the he11 it is that she obviously thinks she looks “fly” in…

  • MillieJ

    2. How old was your mother when she started getting fat?

    bwahaha….can that be used for men too?
    like… when did your father start shrinking.

    sometimes we need to know these things.

    • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

      @MillieJ, I think the male equivalents would be:

      When did your maternal grandpa go bald…Cus you know that’s who controls the gene?

      You think your dad would let you hold a couple of his blue pills??

      How many men have you been with??

      • Pey-SO

        @Hostess, How many men have you been with??

        pause.

        But would you do if he said 3?

        pause

        • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

          @Pey-SO, Turn on my heels and walk away. Then I’d run to my nearest computer and blog about it.

          • Pey-SO

            @Hostess, why ask then? (pause)

            • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

              @Pey-SO, Point is, I wouldn’t. I know it’s a question I shouldn’t ask. Also, if I ever feel like I need to ask or want to ask, I won’t be dating him.

      • Nikiloveli

        @Hostess,

        You gon’ get me fired! You had me at “zygote,” homie. But the blue pills? ROFL!

  • Rita

    are you into threesomes?

    • postmodern pwnage

      @Rita, LOL! please tell me this was not a random question

      • Rita

        @postmodern pwnage,

        No, I didn’t intend to ask the VSbers if they are into threesomes…. I guess I should have written some more,or added a background story.

        ahwell.

        • postmodern pwnage

          @Rita, lol, my bad. I meant the individual who asked the question, I assumed you were speaking from a previous experience.

          • Rita

            @postmodern pwnage,

            sadly,I was.

  • Leila

    How much money do you make?

    What’s your bra size?

    Why don’t you have a (boyfriend, husband)?

    What are you mixed with? After I tell that I’m not mixed, then insist that I’m mixed with Indian and don’t know it.

    • Free2BeMe

      @Leila,
      The bra size question always kills me lol. Maybe because I’m a member of the IBTC

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Relax, Relate, Alise

      @Leila,
      “Why don’t you have a (boyfriend, husband)? “

      Grrrrrr, that is the absolute worset question ever! I usually answer, “Because I usually meet guys like you…”

      • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        @Relax, Relate, Alise, I hate that question…but I usually say “It’s on purpose…” if he’s cute…or “I am single by default!” if he ain’t…

    • Pey-SO

      @Leila, what’s so bad about the “why dont you have a bf question?”

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Pey-SO,

        yeah…i wanna know that as well. i think thats a valid question after you’ve known a person for a while

        • GEMazing

          *smh & sigh*

          we’ve talked about this sooooo many times on this site. don’t yall pay attn??

          IT’S A DUMB EFFING QUESTION!!! she’s obviously single becuz (a) the right man hasn’t come along or (b) she ran off the right man becuz she’s crazy / unstable / not “relationship” material. it’s quite easy to tell the difference.

          if she’s not a looney-toon then just be lucky she’s available and giving you the time of day.

        • Leila

          @The Champ, It depends on how they ask. Some people ask like there’s something wrong with a woman who doesn’t have a boyfriend. I ended a long-term relationship last year and I love being single but people will try to me feel bad for being single like it’s a disease or something lol…

          • V Renee

            @Leila

            “They Shoot Single People, Don’t They”

            -SATC quote

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      @Leila, “What’s your bra size?”
      I’ve had that asked too many times. Hate the question.

      • Voiceofreason

        @Shelia,

        What I hate even more is when they don’t ask. They just say, “Let me guess, you’re about a 36…”

    • Suga&Spice

      @Leila, I get the bra size question as least once a day. Except it is never as polite as a simple ‘Excuse, me what size bra do you wear?’. It is usually something like ‘Dayum, I dont mean no disrespect what size are those things?’ The second dude usually looks embarassed and tries to shhh the asker.

      • Leila

        @Suga&Spice, I put the phrase politely, but yeah that’s how most men ask. I’ve had curves all my life, so I’ve been asked that question a lot of times. It gets on my nerves.

    • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula-in-training

      @Leila,

      Why don’t you have a (boyfriend, husband)?

      I think that’s a valid question. Of course worded differently (read better), but it’s a glimpse into a person’s story.

    • This Just In

      @Leila,

      “What are you mixed with? After I tell that I’m not mixed, then insist that I’m mixed with Indian and don’t know it.”

      OMG!!!! This is one of my greatest pet peeves!!!!! Uggghhhhh….that question makes me want to commit a felony on the person who asked!!!
      Why can’t I just be a very fair skinned black chick??? Why??? Why???

      *grimaces*

      • Voiceofreason

        @This Just In,

        I get that too sometimes, but it’s wild because I have dark skin. I guess it’s my curly hair that makes them curious.

      • http://www.myspace.com/tiara215 Tasty Kake215

        @This Just In, Lol, guys get kinda sad face when ur like no… not mixed
        Def had ppl start speaking spanish 2 me with returns of blank stares…
        #1 place I get that question tho is in the Dominican Salon… idk whats up wit dat…

  • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses on her Crackberry

    Adding to the hair statement above….
    Never ask ‘is that your hair?’ If she paid for it, its hers.
    What you should ask (but, really, don’t do this) is if that hair grew out of her scalp. Then again, she might have taken E.Badu’s advice and “got her a whole ‘notha scalp….” to go with her butt, calf and breast implants.

    But I seriously have had the following things asked of me:

    “You’re and epidemiologist. So you like, treat skin disorders (no, dummy, Dermatologists do that). Can you check out this rash on my….”

    “Oh, you got your own spot. So, can I, like be your roommate?” (We had known
    each other for 3 hours)

    Upon finding out my mom has ” Dr.” in front of her name: “so you think u could get mom-dukes to hook me up with a script for some oxycontin?” (She’s a teacher, not an MD ,you dumba$$ drug addict)

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

      @blackberry molasses on her Crackberry,

      Somebody actually asked you if your mama could hook them up w/some pills?? Even if your mom were an MD…how inappropriate was that?? Geesh! Some people are just STUPID!!

    • miss t-lee

      @blackberry molasses on her Crackberry,
      “You’re and epidemiologist. So you like, treat skin disorders :Can you check out this rash on my….”

      This just made me LOL for real!!!!

    • TanishahNicole

      @blackberry molasses on her Crackberry,
      I’m currently in grad school for epi and I get asked the same question everytime i tell people what I’m in school for! grrrrrrrr…. An XTRA scroungy man in the grocery store asked me to help him with his yucky looking rash and if i could get him the hook up on skin cream…

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

        @TanishahNicole,

        where are you going to school? but yeah… dude who asked me to check out the rash on his “hmhm” then wanted my number….. SIIIIIIICK!!!

  • MillieJ

    Then again, she might have taken E.Badu’s advice and “got her a whole ‘notha scalp….” to go with her butt, calf and breast implants.

    Really though, In an era of “pocket buns”… and whatnot…..who knows whats possible.

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    hmmm…..questions not to ask

    yall pretty much got them covered…

    I can only add questions relevent to me specifically
    how do you spell THAT..after asking my name
    ay can I get a bean pie or some of that fruit.. after finding out I was raised in the Islamic Faith
    even if its just got a lil bit of (random pig by product) after finding out I dont eat pork
    oh and
    has anyone ever told you you can be a real b!@tch sometimes? this one ended badly…..
    hey can I cash this check in your account? dont ask…..

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      @Shay-d-lady, oh and… you ever had “kept man”..or a “house husband”? ya interested?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Shay-d-lady,

      has anyone ever told you you can be a real b!@tch sometimes?

      lol…this question is usually rhetorical.

    • Bailey

      @Shay-d-lady, yeah, i feel you on growing up Muslim. They always ask stuff like “so you sell bean pies and final calls on the corner too?” or “can’t you just eat bacon?” please, save it.