Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture

Going Nowhere Fast, We’ve Reached Our Climax

Heed the signs ninja.

One of my absolute favorite songs right now is Usher’s “Climax”. For various reasons: 1) its a sadly beautiful song that most people I’ve talked think has to do with sex, which I find humorous; 2) Diplo did the beat and I’ve never heard him make something so subdued and sleek; and 3) I’m just glad to hear Usher back making quality music instead of chasing trends. Usher’s had a fairly non-monumental go of it the past few years. Culminating in him jumping on the dance-music craze and making songs where the artist doesn’t matter at all because the music is what people know. Though, I can’t front “OMG” was my sh*t. But you could have given that to David Hung and it would have been a hit.

The main reason though (aside from just being dope) is because I’ve been there. The lyrics of the song are about two people who have basically reached the apex of their relationship and are letting go because the lows kept getting in the way of the highs. And neither person wants to give in so they let go. And sometimes, that’s what you have to do.

This might go against what everybody always preaches about the ability to work through things and that being the true definition of love. And maybe it is. But the TRUTH of the matter is that sometimes, you’ve made it as far as you can as a unit. Sometimes the best relationship decision that you can make is to “love each other separately”.

Every relationship has highs and lows. We all know this. The only way to thrive in those relationships is if the highs are higher than the lows are lower. For some odd reason, people seem to have an issue with letting go though. No matter how low we’ve been, we just need one high to convince us that we can regain all of those high moments that we had. We’re all relationship crackheads. One hit of possibility can erase all impasses we see in front of us. At least temporarily. But it allows us to believe in the potential. We have to right? That’s how we even got there in the first place, the potential. But maybe, just maybe, there is a climax to certain relationships.

I think most people know if the relationship they are in can make it. Or they at least have some idea. A lot of us hold on because we don’t know how to let go so we just stick around for whatever reason hoping to be convinced in one direction or another. That’s a somber way to look at relationships, but I don’t know that its totally off. Yes, you have people who are absolutely crazy in love and thats beautiful and something to aspire towards. You also have people who KNOW they should let go but refuse to do so for whatever reason. And that’s not a man or woman thing, its a people thing. We refuse to believe what we know; that we’ve gone as far as we can with this person because we’ve gone through too much to go on, and too much to go back. You’re at a place where you are ACTUALLY at the climax of your relationship.

When you get there you either choose to stay and slide back into the negativity, or you break up, move on, and miss that person while accepting that you’ve done what you had to in order to live your life being able to breathe. For many of us, love is our air. When you’re in a relationship with somebody that you love, being with that person is like breathing. For better or worse. If that relationship ends then you can’t breathe on your own…you need a ventilator of sorts which can be family, friends, a journal, etc. But eventually you have to choose to learn to breathe without that person. And that’s the circle of life. Everybody has been there. Love can make you feel 9 feet tall or make you feel as if you’ve been beaten up with a brick.

But you learn to breath again. The world ends until it starts again. And it always starts again. The key is to realize when you need to lock in for the long haul or when you need to bail so that you two can both move on and remember, but never forget. It is totally possible to go nowhere fast in a relationship. The sooner we all realize what type of situation we’re in, the better.

Recognize the climax. It’s okay to love somebody forever. But you have to realize what that love is costing you. It could be your forever.

So, VSBers, have you ever been in a relationship where you realized it had an expiration or had reached its climax? Were you able to let go for the betterment of everybody involved? Or did you have to learn the hard way?

Do tell.


Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • nillalatte

    “So, VSBers, have you ever been in a relationship where you realized it had an expiration or had reached its climax? Were you able to let go for the betterment of everybody involved? Or did you have to learn the hard way?”

    Yes. Yes. Yes.

  • That Ugly Kid

    Only been in love twice. And it sucked both times. Got cheated on both times, I’m not going through that sh*t again. So boohoo, f*ck love yada yada, you know where I’m going with this. I can tell you one thing though, I’ll never trust a woman again, that you can be gotd*mn sure of.

  • legitimate_soul

    Yup. In some cases I was able to let go immediately and in others we both held on too long. Oddly enough, I (and my exes) held on longer when I (we were) was older and I attribute that to being in a more serious, intense, and honestly adult relationship. The older I got, there was more intimacy, more connection, more complexity of experience and emotion…so yeah, it was more difficult to let go. Lot’s of growth and lessons even when you loved and lost or held on too long. It may suck while in the moment, but looking back it’s a blessing.

  • Justmetheguy

    Great topic P. Way to bounce back and sh*t lol

    I understand this concept and tend to agree. However it’s easier said than done. Like what about not knowing the difference between the climax and the intermission (half time if you will)?

    Can relationships really take breaks or does that always amount to a euphemism for we’re done but wanna leave the door open just in case?

  • Eric McD

    In one now. I’m actively trying to replace her with an updated model.

  • Sharde Marie

    This reminds me on my son’s fother. We had a good relationship, but then the arguing started and once we threw a baby into the equation there was just so much going on that we were left with no choice but to end thngs. It was hard at first, but now (almost 6 years later) we have a healthy (non-romantic) relationship. We are friends, we communicate well, have little to argue about, and do a damn good job with shared parenting. I still love him and I’m sure he still has love for me, but had we stayed together, we would have hated each other and Lord knows what kind of damage that could’ve done to my baby boy. Sure there was tons to hold onto. He loved God, was a family man, held down a good job, was educated, made me laugh, etc. However, we got to the point where the lows were too much and things just stopped. Glad it all worked out in the end.

  • Meisarebel

    I cosign this.

    Firstly, that song is fkn epic.

    Secondly, I’ve been there. Low key, in some ways STILL there. Letting go is harder than a mothersucker, and we (people) tend to have crystal clear logic about all relationships but the one we’re in. We can make a very astute judgement about our friend’s fked up situation without realising, or rather admitting, that ours is just as bad, or God forbid, worse. But we’re in love, right?

    And that’s the strange thing about it. We (the royal we, meaning more so I) convince ourselves that it is BECAUSE of this love that we don’t want to, or rather shouldn’t let go. Then the flip side comes and we try to convince ourselves that if we really loved that person, we will let them go. If we were meant to be, we will be.

    I call bull on all of that. Relationships are hard. I applaud all those who can attest that they are happily married after 10 years with no infidelity, cause that blows my mind. Not so much the monogamy, cause I think I can get with that, but NOT reaching that climax.

  • b sweet

    Thanks Panama for making me download ‘No Air’ and listen to it like it just dropped yesterday.

    I have the opposite problem. I pull the trigger on relationships/dating scenarios quicker than a paranoid killer. I’m looking forward to investing more in relationships to even get to that point of contemplating if we’ve run our course. It’s been a minute since I’ve loved so urgently I’ve worn myself out.

  • Editgirl

    This is a good topic. And, I’ll give you a soul clap for not generalizing as much and speaking a tremendous amount of truth. I’ll say through experience that young buppie black people seem to be doing just fine at letting go at any sign of strife.

    As a matter of fact, based on the posts that I have read here, that seems to be a common theme. I have never read a blog post talking about how to work it out or when to work it out or how to maintain a relationship. I think that’s mainly because the two bloggers that operate the Website aren’t interested in long-term relationships. So I understand the point of view because it’s where you are in your life.

    I think everyone that has been in more than one relationship knows that they had one that went beyond the expiration day. If you’re not married, though, what’s the likelihood that you ever tried to truly put in work for the lows?

  • Cheech

    If the climax was a train, I’d be a deaf and blind person standing on the tracks. I feel it coming but never see the definite signs so it always lays me out. But then again as a former middle school nerd from the baltimore county public school system, I tend to think it is inevitable so I take it in stride

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