Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

God Knows My Struggle, So It’s…Okay?

If you dating Black women I don’t feel bad for you son, but you’ll have 99 problems and God will be one.

Okay, that didn’t work like I wanted it to but what I was trying to say via Jay-Z was that if you’re a man who is dating Black women, there’s a really good chance that God, Jesus, and ‘nem will enter into your relationship at some point. The Holy Trinity has definitely crip walked into nearly every relationship that I’ve had, usually in the form of me being questioned for not going to church. It’s come up time and time again within each relationship I’ve been in. I think I just have a thing for church girls…or at least I did until I realized that I like to date Black women that read, in which case, well, nearly all of them are church girls.

Amen.

This is not really a problem, mind you, though it does present an issue when you hear “ohhhhhh God” as much as I do…wait…what was I saying?

Moving on.

Now dating church girls presents very few issues in terms of religion. Since most of us are reared in church of some sort, dating a woman who would like to pray together and worship together is pretty much par the course. And I’m saying, most of us have that old time religion in our bones. I love the Bible and one of the best gifts I ever received was a Bible. I treasure that thing. I love God and all that jazz.

Here’s where it starts to present an issue and I’m speaking about women here because I’ve never really spoken to any men who (admittedly) go through this same struggle. But it seems like many women struggle with being “Christian” and what that requires and how that can get in the way of (forgive me for putting it that way Jesus, strike somebody else and come back to me later) “relationshipping”. Unless you have two people who are truly on the same page of celibacy, there’s a very good chance that there will be some smanging going on. Obviously, sex can get in the way of getting closer to God, so to speak, since you’re supposed to wait until you’re married for many more reasons than just religious, but most of us tend to realize that while everybody is probably doing it, that doesn’t make it okay to do if you’re truly on a walk with God.

That make sense?

You may not know this about me, but I’m overly cynical and sometimes too logical and contrarian for my own good. It can be a nitrous combination at times. What this all means in laymen’s terms is that I will eventually get into some debate about whether or not sex should actually be taking place. I almost feel at times like I’m enabling somebody’s walk away from God and its unfair for them to put me in that position. I’ve offered to stop engaging in such practice to ensure that my other half could work towards their goal of Godliness. And nearly EVERY time, I’ve been met with four words:

God knows my struggle.

Or it’s kissin’ cousin, God knows my heart.

Scrrrrrrrr.

Or more simply, I like sex and have no intention of stopping this because it brings me joy. I don’t really do anything else wrong so I don’t feel any type of way about this short of the guilt you’re laying on me right now. God made sex and made it so pleasurable so maybe he intended for it to happen this way.

Now, I’m no religious scholar. I mean, I pray (well I say my grace before I eat at least…but I do pray on occasion) and II read my Bible and I love me some praise and worship music. Basically, I’m no expert on religious doctrine or rules, but I’m fairly certain that God knowing your struggle doesn’t make it better. It just means that he knows it exists. But seeing as he knows it exists in you and that you have acknowledged its existence, he would also know that you’d likely have the capacity to work on it. Right?

Which means that the whole, “God knows my struggle” thing is basically a cop out, no? No shade here or anything, but can you really be working on something if your default reaction is that its a struggle you have, therefore you deserve some slack. While I realize that we as human beings have needs, or wants, I do think that for something like sex we also have the ability to put a stop to it. I know…temptation is real and very present. And engaging in pleasures of the flesh is a satisfying dish. However, if you claim to be looking towards getting closer to God, how can you say that you’re trying in the sex regard if you’re still willing to engage in sex? I know its hard to go cold turkey and dispel the advances. And hell, there’s a good chance based on the things you see and read (even here) that not giving up the goodies places one in a space of presumed singledom.

I’m not sure I completely agree with that, but I do understand the logic and get why that would be a concern.

So what’s the solution? Only date people who are on the exact same walk you are on? Even folks in church ain’t on that walk most times. How do I know? Well…aside from the obvious…I’m just saying. Like can you just keep moving along in the ways of the word and all while still copping out by suggesting that you’re good except for that one struggle and you’re “working on it?”

What say you? And here’s a question as this was mostly tailored to women, do men struggle like this or are we just accepted heathens? I’m truly curious.

Does God know your struggle (as you guzzle a 40?)

Love 40.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. GOD KNOWS MY HEART aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3, AMEN

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • nillalatte

    I’ll just drink the 40 and let others deal with that struggle.

    • AshTheScienceChick

      *Cheers*

      Feeling guilty about chexual activity is not my struggle.

    • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

      +1
      Find a chexual situation that doesn’t make you guilty, than stick to it. And stop placing yourself in ‘compromising’ situations if that’s not what you want. If it’s what you want, own it. that’s it for me. **shrug**

  • Cheech

    I feel like in my experience I’ve been seen as the accepted heathen who is being brought back towards religion by the girl I’m with. For some reason, that tends to be my life

  • LMJ82

    This is so relevant for me right now it’s crazy! I just rededicated myself to a serious walk with God…(even got baptized again last Sunday) and sex is definitely a major thing to consider as I date with my newfound dedication to God. Especially since I began to date (very, very early stages) an agnostic. I realized that me trying to get close to God while dating someone who isn’t even sure if there is a God, won’t work. To answer the question: No, “God knows my struggle” or “God knows my heart” won’t cut it. Quite frankly, He wants it All. And if anyone has a hard time giving God all of them (mind, body, heart, and soul), then you have got to challenge yourself to dig a little deeper. Actually a whole lot deeper.

    • ShellyMichelle

      Then you have to ask…if this person/lustfull hr or 2 worth my salvation?…its not

      • MJoy

        all of that? Sex sacrifices your salvation?

        • LMJ82

          Girl, Disobedience sacrifices your struggle. The Bible tells us to “present our bodies as a clean and living sacrifice; Holy and Acceptable unto God”. So…if you are not lying w/ your husband but your are getting it smacked, flipped, and rubbed down – then you are in direct disobedience to God!

          C’mon, this is like, not even Christian 101 stuff…it’s Christian pre-K knowledge….Right????

          • MJoy

            I thought salvation came from the acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior and truly believing he is the son of God. Not getting everything else right. But, what the heck do I know.

            • LMJ82

              Correct. Salvation comes at the moment of the acceptance of Christ….but you still have to walk out your salvation! Does anybody actually read the Bible?? Especially the New Testament….?The same way life begins at birth but don’t we still have go through the stages of life (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, etc) and various growth experiences?

              No, it not enough to just accept Christ – that is only the beginning, the start of the race. James 2:17 tells us, “Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead”. In other words, faith w/o works is dead. Salvation is an active, daily choice and experience. We as Christians are challenged to be transformed by the DAILY renewal of our minds…At a wedding, a marriage is established at the exchange of “I do’s” but the real marriage itself begins after the words are exchanged & two people actually begin to walk out their lives together….*Sigh*…So many “Christians” know the name of Christ…but the actual power of his resurrection, the meaning of His life and death, and how to surrender daily to Him & His Holy Spirit???….Clueless.

              • larenee10

                +1

                I worry about this as a newly single person.

  • http://liliho.tumblr.com Lisa

    This is indeed a struggle. :-(

    • MJoy

      If it really felt like the right thing to do… would it be so much of a struggle? Do what’s right for you. If someone else has a problem with it… forget them. But if you are fighting your own damn self…maybe you should reconsider some things.

      • LMJ82

        That is terrible advice. Telling someone to just do “what is right for them”…that is not Christian-ly advice. If Jesus did what was right for Him, he would never have come to Earth to die for our sins. As a matter of fact, He would have jumped off the cross and never went through the pain of crucifixion. But he loved us and wanted to break the power of sin…This lady’s struggle comes from her spirit and flesh wrestling. The Bible tells us that the flesh is weak but the spirit is willing. As a Christian, we know the good to do but often times we will find ourselves wanting to the opposite. (Shoot…I been fighting temptation all day! Lol…)

        However, the answer is not to just “do what pleases you” b/c the flesh and our natural desires will Always lead us astray. Then you wind up in some mess that your heart and body got you into, and you’re going to be stuck on the altar somewhere praying for deliverance and a way out! Lady, cleave to Word of God and Power of Christ to strengthen you. In our weakness, He is made strong. :-)

        Be blessed~

        • http://lovejonesd.wordpress.com/ Gabs

          amen…sound advice, there’s no grey area, either you in all the way or not.

  • Iamnotakata

    I always wonder about this conflict…I have many associates who listen to gospel all day speak scriptures like it is their language,but they have all these children out of wedlock and are continuing to have relations with their significant others…and so on and so on. Not judging just always wondered how they justified that in their head I guess….I guess they used the same justification that ma’am sir Hoseline Hernandez used when she proclaimed she was a “christian woman” on Hip Hop H0es of ATL reunion show….

    • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

      Proclaiming to be a Christian doesn’t mean you’re professing to be perfect. In fact, it means you’re professing that you’re a weak sinner who needs help from a power larger than yourself.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I like the way you explained that. I dont think to many ppl accept that Christians are sinners that profess their true self to God with all your imperfecrtions. However real Christians arent the ones floating around acting holier than thou like they arent and cant do any wrong. Then again its not about actually being labeled a Christian cause spiritual ppl do it to.

        • http://tinawatkins.com Tina Watkins

          Good post. I agree with both comments above, but I do think he highlighted a particularly common problem: There’s a fine line between accepting weakness and earnestly struggling through it, vs. insincerely playing the grace card for those things in your heart you’re really not ready to let go. That’s just self-enabling mediocrity. The crux of Christianity is that it’s about love, choice every step of the way: When at the deepest level, there’s not enough love to choose to give something up it’s not going to be snatched from you. The same pseudo-struggle (you know logically to abandon but feel bound) applies to lots of other things. When we’re truly ready those struggles end and different ones begin.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        that’s an interesting way to put it.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

        Preach Crystal! Let the people know. We have all fallen short of the mark. I know I am not claiming to be perfect, just forgiven.

        • miss t-lee

          Indeed.

      • sincereluv4life

        @ Crystal Marie

        +1

      • LMJ82

        But C’mon…..None of us are “perfect” but we still have to try! If you are a Christian, one who believes that Jesus was the Son of God, who lived, died, and rose again, then you say like Paul and say, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God”….

        Meaning….Your “flesh” (your sinful nature and desires) have died, been crucified w/ Christ and thus our spirit, in alignment w. the Holy Spirit will lead us and guide us in the daily decisions that we make! So no, not one of us is perfect…but that was the point of Christ’s death on the cross. So can we stop making it be in vain and actually live in the Power of the Blood that was shed for us sinners and just live and love as God the Father has asked us too????

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I remember in one of my criminal justice classes, they discussed several ways criminals rationalized crimes in their mind. (“they didn’t need that money,” “i deserve it,” “he/she owes me,” etc.) Although I don’t equate most sins to “crimes” I think there is a similar process of justification that occurs when one feels one is doing something wrong, but proceeds. Perhaps they tell tell themselves it’s just not that bad. Everyone else is doing it. That idea is outdated. All that to say, the justification behind doing things we say we don’t do and/or believe in exists in many aspects of life.

      • http://tinawatkins.com Tina Watkins

        This too.

  • eazy253

    I want to know why when my profile clearly says atheist, women message me. Always ends in an argument. Science FTW.

    • nillalatte

      They trying to convert you. *shrugs*

      • SororSalsa

        +1000

        Folks who think they can change you are always willing to put in the effort. And they get points in the missionary circle.

        • Sweet GA Brown

          +1

    • Royale W. Cheese

      “Science FTW.”

      My bible is the periodic table.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        And the product of the Big Bang say…Amen. :)

        • Asiyah

          Wasn’t the Big Bang Theory posed by a Catholic priest?

      • Kandi

        Sad thing is 3 years ago I was able to copy it by memory, atomic weights (to the hundredth place) too. I couldn’t remember a bible verse to save my life. For me religion is trying to put a round peg into a square hole and trying to find the ratio of its circumference to its diameter. SMH

      • AshTheScienceChick

        Ditto.

        Also, The Origin of Species.

      • mdub`

        +1

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      They love the challenge

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Honestly, I think its for the same reason why I get myself into stupid arguments all the time…tehre are times I just need to understand where you went wrong. LOL.

      in your case, they think you went wrong and are trying to understand and perhaps help you understand which in turn will potentially save your soul.

      challllooonj.

  • SororSalsa

    This is not my struggle. I’m more spiritual than religious, any any bouts of celibacy I participate in have more to do with being exasperated with men at that moment rather than feeling that God may smite me for unathorized smanging.

    • Lou

      Just curious but what does that mean? Im atheist an I’ve never understood the spiritual thing. Do you meditate? Or are you a weak agnostic? And I dont mean weak in a bad way, just by definition.

      • niksmit

        These questions confuse me as an agnostic. I don’t even understand how one is strong or weak on that. Does being a weak atheist sound weird to you?

        And just to answer where I wasn’t asked–I know some spiritual people. They believe in various mystical, spiritual ish but they practice no one religion. I personally define religion by practice and ritual. I feel like there are a lot of religious people who are not necessarily people of faith.

        • Lou

          It doesn’t sound weird when you know the definition. I used to be a weak agnostic, so I really don’t find anything strange about it. And how can you be religious without faith? Then what drives you (or them) to believe?

  • Toria

    “God knows my struggle.”
    True, but should you continue to struggle? Personal decision or personal problem depending on what side of the relationship you are on.

    Recently, a *friend* of mine told me he wasn’t sure if we could hang out anymore. Because he is trying to get back into church and be good. I respect that. So much so that when he called me the next night to come over, I reminded him of what he said. I’m not tryna get in between anybody and his spiritual journey. His response: “Yeah, but God knows. It’s cool.” Long story short, he came over.

    Sometimes God whispers. Temptation yells. I justify my premarital sex. I like sex a lot. It’s just something me and Jesus will have to discuss once that time comes. At the end of it, it doesn’t mean it’s right or in accordance with what I believe *should* happen. But it does. And it will continue to happen. It’s just not at the top of my list of things to work on. And sometimes, the tension release from it makes it easier to accomplish things higher up on the list.

    • http://tinawatkins.com Tina Watkins

      “Sometimes God whispers. Temptation yells.”

      ^^^ This. Not only does He whisper, sometimes it’s a head-tilt, or gesture. Meanwhile, lust, greed, gluttony, anger, etc. is packaged and delivered with strategic genius. Best marketing ever. Sexy, tasty, powerful, pleasurable, successful, exciting, popular, loved, better. The truth is it drains you, eats you up and spits you out.

      If the truth were advertised who would buy it?

    • Caballeroso

      Some people believe they should not exceed the speed limit, but they do it.
      Some people believe they should call mom more, but they don’t.
      Some people believe they should save more for retirement, but they don’t.
      Some people belive they shouldn’t engage in premarital sex, but they do.

      Cognitive dissonance is real, thus, the struggle continues.

  • http://www.findthepieces.com Alisha Gordon

    This post went in a whole ‘nother direction… and I’m glad it did. God is concerned about relationship. He wants us to get to know Him, what He has to say about us in general AND what He has to say about our specific lives. Too many times we try to apply a blanket statement to different situations; for some, sex is a BIG DEAL — it consumes them, the other person becomes a distraction, they fall head over heels in that moment. For others, there’s such a detachment from the moment that it bears no weight on their lives. Either way, it takes a relationship with God to know how these matters of the heart (because in essence, sex only gets messy when the heart is involved) will impact our ultimate goals that God has set for us.

    We get into condemnation when we “slip up” or the “struggle” becomes “too real” — because we’ve been taught that sex is bad, not natural, and we’re going to burn in hell for even WANTING or THINKING about it. We’re humans, not cyborgs. That desire is natural — but what we do with that desire is essential to not only how we’re able to maneuver through this life as whole beings but respecting the requests of our “father”. We all know, you get a lot more from pops when you do what you’re supposed to do…

  • African Mami

    Sex is liberating. Religion is stifling.

    My question to God is why did He create us with sexual parts, if he did not anticipate horniness?! I mean…..#struggles

    • Justmetheguy

      African Mami for the muthafuggin win!

      So well put and concise. I’d rather my nether regions be liberated not stifled thank u very much

      (Waits patiently for the homie DemonDog’s take on the topic)

    • nillalatte

      If I’m not mistaken, only humans have sex for pleasure. Otherwise, God could have made us like most other animals and only desire sex while in heat to procreate. And, obviously, a human female need not be ‘in heat’ to par take of sexual satisfaction.

      • nillalatte

        But, then again, what do I know… I’m like most heathens just drinking a 40. ;)

      • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

        Actually, dolphins are known to have sex for pleasure as well. They have sex for a myriad of reasons not pertaining to reproduction.

        • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

          Don’t forget about the bonobo’s. They are the most sexually liberated primates out there, lol. The interesting thing about them is that the female bonobo is in charge of the family group and designates which male partner is in by his worthiness to be smanged. They have less agression than other ape groups and more smex. Not only do they participate in various positions but those cheeky bastards also french kiss, get it from the back, on the hand stand(made that up), group s.ex, “fencing,” and gg rubbing. They win at er’thang. Yea, I took primatology seriously.

          • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

            Lol, I see. But I steered away from the Bonobo apes because I knew they would be the obvious choice, as you can see below lol. So I went after dolphins.

            • Justmetheguy

              Yep. I went to sleep, but if I had saw that before I would’ve mentioned both dolphins and bonobos. Did yall know dolphins also rape other dolphins? It’s crazy. Like a gang of em will corner her and…nevermind yall get it. Don’t wanna depress or traumatize nobody, but just know that you as a human ain’t the only one goin through problems.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                apparently dolphins also rape humans. there have a been a few stories about dolphin/human men interactions with one dude saying that dolphin took advantage of him numerous times

                • Medium Meech

                  Honestly, I don’t get the mechanics of how a creature with no hands could rape one with hands.. and pants. Plus, you know the old sailor saying, if a dolphin rapes you once, shame on him, twice shame on you. He was a groupie.

                  • sincereluv4life

                    LMAO at ur musings on dolphins, I will never look at the smiling lil’ creatures the same

              • Medium Meech

                But it is very hard to read the bible under water, so you can understand how dolphins lost their way.

                • Justmetheguy

                  LMFAO @ Meech. Like I seriously needed a few minutes to recover from that one. You a fool and a half for that one man lolol. It’s a shame though. I’d love to attend an underwater service lol

                  @ Panama- Yeah, I heard about that too and almost said it but I felt the VSSs had probably been traumatized enough at that point…if not by the dolphin on dolphin crime at least by the potentially “offensive” comments some of the VSBs are making today. But yeah it’s not an isolated incident either. Dolphins get horny for humans too smh

                  • African Mami

                    Dolphins are one of my favorite animals on earth. I’ll make sure to NEVER get close to one, just in case.

                • larenee10

                  LOL. Best logic ever.

          • LMNOP

            I have seen some dogs who seem to really like sex, and judging from their enthusiasm for humping non-dogs, I think this can’t be 100% driven by the desire to procreate, which brings up an interesting question: How in the world do people determine different animals motivations for having sex?

            • African Mami

              if that dog is cheesing while humping, best believe it ain’t about wanting a little one to carry his last name, it’s sheer pleasure. Abeg, animals have feelings too.

      • African Mami

        Nope! Gorillas have sex for pleasure too. What’s more, they even kiss and fondle before sexing. Sorry to be explicit but they also partake in cunnilingus activities.

        • Sweet GA Brown

          Gorillas be eating the box? Well ya learn something new everyday.

          • African Mami

            Yes girl!! They are like humans, seriously. You should see when a baby dies. They mourn like us.

            -I LOVE them.

            • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

              gorillas forevaaaa ~*~

              • African Mami

                YAZZ!! aren’t they the cutest thangs everrrrrrrrrrr

                ~my lilies and chimes beauty~hope you good!! :)

      • Royale W. Cheese

        Bonobo apes engage in non-reproductive hetero- and homosexual sex (female/ female as ar as I know) to ease tension.

        • DG

          I was gonna mention the Bonobos…

          Your intelligence and Jeopardy-like knowledge is sexxy.

          • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

            Wish I scrolled down, lol

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Have you ever read Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan? It sounds like you’d love it. It reads like an old school journal club takedown.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          y’all are some very well versed individuals in primate sexual happenings.

          • nillalatte

            Ain’t they doe?! I was reading this morning and unable to comment, but my thought was exactly the same! Which then started me pondering about primates, dolphins, fornication, early man (before known religions), and religion.

            If God gave all these animals the ability to enjoy sex without worrying about entering heaven, why would he allegedly, in a book no less, written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek, declare that only humans could not par take of sexual satisfaction? And, why would God have man write these scriptures in 3 different languages when there are hundreds of languages on earth? Granted, the Qu’ran is written in Arabic, but has basically the same stories and structure as the Bible.

            I’m just saying… the more I studied religion the less ‘religious’ I became while being spiritual exists in me. I appreciate all the gifts from the Source (a little Native American spirituality there) and living ones life by what someone else has written to be ‘truth’ just has too many explainable variables.

            Where’s my next 40?

            • nillalatte

              *UNexplainable variables.

      • Stephy

        Pigs get it on for fun too. They can have an O last 25 mins. I’m tempted to say “lucky pigs” but I honestly wonder if I would survive that lol.

    • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

      Well, God is supposed to be omnipotent and omniscient. I reckon he is fully aware of our horniness.

    • Royale W. Cheese

      “My question to God is why did He create us with sexual parts, if he did not anticipate horniness?! I mean…..#struggles”

      Well, I see it this way. Horniness is supposed to ensure we procreate. It’s like the peanut butter you put in the mouse trap to lure the mouse, but sometimes, somehow those little buggers are smart enough to eat the bait without getting trapped.

    • African Mami

      The Bible has more holes than answers.

      Goodnight folks. Happy smangings!!

      • Royale W. Cheese

        “has more holes”

        I see what you did there…

        • African Mami

          It was not intentional.

          Just meant to say that the Bible needs more critical thinking, when it comes to its interpretation and application to daily life, which I don’t normally see.

          • Justmetheguy

            +1 Mami- The unintentional pun was just the icing on the cake lol

          • Caballeroso

            Keep in mind that the bible was written by people who thought the earth was flat.