Girl, Forget a Sponsor, Date A Handyman! He Got Talent!

Posted on 18 May, 2010 by Panama Jackson

These dollars can be yours if you cook and listen, honey.

One of my homeboys has a specific mantra when it comes to doling out relationship advice. Like to hear it? Here it goes:

Men should only pursue dimes; women should settle.

While I realize how ridiculous that sounds on paper, the fact is, that’s what 99 percent of all relationship books and funny looking talking heads are really saying beneath the 12-button suits, toothy grins and “I Know Obama” buttons. They tell women to keep their standards high…within reason. But you’d never tell a man that. And why should you? There’s no man “shortage”. There’s really no reason any man should be settling for anything less than what he wants. For every beautiful woman he comes across, there are at least five more equally beautiful women with as much, if not more, to offer.

Women are told to take men at face value and realize that a man is going to be a man and he’s going to keep you safe and blow your back out and make you feel like a whoa-man. And women pretty much should accept it. All the convos about men usually center around him being ready to commit and the process it takes him to get there. That’s a mighty disconnect. It states that women are ready to get married from birth and need to realize that men aren’t and should just support and accept a man as he is and love him for what he does bring to the table, not judge him for what he doesn’t. Between the justice system, the state of Arizona, and Black pride, Black men have it tough enough out here without having to prove to their women that they are worthy of time.

Th “media” has been on this like white on rice. Forget Teairra Mari and her “Sponsor” talk…she isn’t going to sell any records anyway. She needs to forget trying to find a man who takes care of her and find a man who will love her and listen to her talk about her hard days work of bringing home the bacon. At least that’s what CNN’s latest foray into the Black woman melodrama, “I Can’t Find A Man, Where Dey Be Hidin’ At Tyler Perry?” is telling them.

There is a saying that love conquers all, and for Watts that means Laurent Sagna’s salary and job status are inconsequential. She said she adores her 39-year-old blue-collar partner — who only completed high school — for the way he listens, for his affectionate hugs and musical talents. Watts ignored her mother’s concerns about his “financial prospects” when they married a few years ago.

“I’ve met and dated plenty of people with Ph.D.s, and it doesn’t mean they are smarter,” said Watts, who lives in North Carolina. “He might not have the degree, but he’s got a lot of talent.”

He’s got a lot of talent.

Guffaw.

Forgive my guffawedness, but that sounds like some rationalization to me. Besides, what the f*ck is talent anyway? Does he whittle? Is he a great whistler? Does that really make up for the $70,000 income gap. For the record, I think you should marry whoever the f*ck you want. If they’re broke and you love them. Great. If you admire, respect, and appreciate them, great. Do you. But don’t run no bullsh*t about talent to make yourself feel better. We all understand anyway. Us menfolks aren’t graduating from college or getting the good jobs and the ones that are have already hit it and quit it.

Real talk.

I wonder what kind of self-realization all the women in the CNN article had to come to in order to accept being the breadwinner in their households? And was it a power struggle because society tells us that men are the ones who make the money and support the house.

However, this article lets us know that, even if you can’t support the house, brotha…you can ALWAYS find a woman who will. So why settle for anything less. Even broke and uneducated brothas can hit the jackpot. Men should only date dimes; women should settle.

Ouch.

I bring it to you, good folks of VSB. Ladies, do you care if you make more money and have THAT much more education than your man? Or do you only care if he cares? And fellas (yeah!), could you live with being the one who doesn’t bring home the bacon (or turkey bacon for the non-pork eaters in the room) and had you by about three degrees?

How low could you go?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Roro

I don’t believe that anyone should settle. Like you said, if that’s who you love, then that’s who you love. One man’s five is another man’s dime, or in Panama’s case… one chicks 3 is another chicks 12.
http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ Miss Reese

So, I didn’t realize how important a college degree was to me until like idk, last week (?) Yeah, last week. I was feeling good, feeling great when one thing led to another and here I was talking to this new “friend”. I think the second question I asked him was, “Okay, so what school did you graduate from?”. He responded, “Ummm, I said I went to school. I didn’t say I graduated.” My response- something irrelevant. I barely remember. I stopped listening. I realized the next day after I was discussing the conversation with a friend that I had “X’d” him immediately following his admission of a degree-less mantel. (Yeah, mantel.) Is that wrong? Maybe.

I mean once I thought about it further I did feel kinda like an uppity negro but I mean hell, a degree seems to be important to me. So to answer the question, I would prefer if my forever boo (husband) was in the same tax bracket as me or at least had a degree. I mean, no shade but my homies and I went to some of the best colleges and universities in the great ole U.S. of A. Gotta start somewhere. That’s my couple cents.
- coldsweat3
  
  I saw this article earlier and thought dang I bet they will reference this at some point this week. @ Miss Reese ….I agree with you sistah and I am the same way.!!! As a brother I personally would only want to date a woman who is considering a graduate degree or has one. Now some would say thats a bit much but in todays time I feel like a college degree should be standard and I find ambition to be personally sexy. There is nothing sexier than a sistah who is well educated and doing her thing. Also its an extra 700,000 of you ninjas compared to me.
  
  I think CNN is doing a impressive job of saying we as black men arent doing much with our lives and our female counterparts are putting us to shame. I do think that many sistahs are not realistic in what they want. Yall are all chasing after the same ideal man who has 4-5 of yall to pick from. Where does that leave the other 3 to 4, assed out. Yall better go get a white man or a blue collar brotha.
  
  I could deal with a sistah who made more money than me or had an extra degree. If I was a bluecollar person with a GED, prolly not. Some advanced degrees or industries dont pay well but are well respected so if my wife/gf made more I would be totally cool with that. Currently, I would loveeee to have a woman who can help support me. ***Attention any women in the Cincinnati area call me***
  - http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ Miss Reese
    
    Glad you could dig it. At the same token my parent’s have been married over 30 years and both of them have associate’s degrees. They raised us kids to aim for the stars and they always said/say “The next generation is suppose to be even better.” and I would have to agree. I would want the same for my children. Subsequently, we’re left to deal with the complications that comes with acquiring a degree (or 2 or 3) and what this will mean for our future generations. My bro, an engineer currently in a master’s program, tells me some stories of the chicks he come into contact with. He basically has his pick and is fully aware of that. It’s crazy. Kinda disheartening too. (at least for me.)
    - a plus
      
      maybe it’s just me, my nonchalant, care free attitude. or the fact that i think that there’s someone truly special out there for me so I ain’t about to put some random dude up on a pedestal just cuz he has a degree or two. but i REFUSE to make somebody my “everything” if i’m only their “something”
      - G.A.W.
        
        Say that!
  - http://www.sandhillsfilmfestival.com Ericka Shonta
    
    funny thing if you go to Undergrad or grad school at a PWI you are more likely to marry a white guy. I have over 25 sorority sisters/associates married to White guys recently only 5 weddings have been black on black. When is CNN going to finish the special on all of this.
- Lanieanna
  
  Poor Lil Miss Reese,
  
  I agree with you not wanting to date a man that does not have a college degree, but the reasons why are just a little off. I am a CG (college grad), and my man is not.. Really, he never even graduated from high school… he got a GED at the age of 30 just because it was something he wanted to accomplish for personal reasons ( he is now 42 ). It is a fact that he does not have a degree, but never would I ever put him in an “uneducated” catagory… He clears six figures in a bad year, and even with all my lil funky credentials, I could have a great year ( I sell franchises ) and still not be able to bring in what he earns. I guess you can say that my man GOT TALENT! Also, I do not feel like I “settled” at all. I may be a needle in a hay stack, but I feel very lucky to be able to be with someone that makes me happy. We have been together for a while now, and I still get excited when we have date night.
  In the south, especially in the gulf, Blue collar dollars outweigh White Collar dollars ANYDAY! So If a matching tax bracket is what you are looking for in a mate, then you may want to try the man who owns his own Janitorial business, or maybe the Ship welder, the dude that works off shore.. Hell, you may even want to try the car wash guy. I have a friend that never made it past the 8th grade… He has a small farm where he processes cow shyt for a living… and does very well…..
  I don’t think that I would ever settle for a man… but every womans dream guy is not The Boris Kodjoe’s, the Morris Chestnut’s, or Barak Obama’s of the world… To be 100… I don’t look shyt like Amber Rose, Gabby Union, Or Jill Scott and my man makes me feel like I was custom made just for him.
  - Anita
    
    I agree with you on that. I just finished grad school and all preparing to do PHD by year end so we can say an learned. However my man is not never been interested in college but he he is great at what he does. makes me feel like a queen all the damn time. He is a good man I would pick him over and over instead of this degree totting brothas who have a chip on their shoulders like the world owes something.
    
    I think its time sistas start looking for good men based on their character and based on their education credentials. Education doesnt equal to educated or so my mother says
    - brotherspanky
      
      @Anita,
      
      Maybe it’s the English teacher in me, but I had to reread your post like seven times just to grasp its basic meaning. Maybe it’s only reflective of your typographical skills, but it seems that not only does one’s education mean little to “learned” women, it also seems to mean little to degree-granting institutions. my SO has made it clear to me (and i to her) that she values my education (it was where we met), and particularly appreciates the acquired skill of clearly and articulately elucidating a point.
      
      you and your man might be two peas in the proverbial pod for many reasons.
      
      Sincerely,
      (one of those degree “totting” brothers with a whole stack of Pringles on his shoulder)
      
      Shots Fired.
      - Sula
        
        Shots Fired.
        *smirks*
        
        How do we call shots fired… the day after?
      - Anita
        
        I have nothing against educated people I just have a problem with men(and women) who believe that their degrees/education level makes them better than everyone else. I value hard working respectful people but I have met my share of learned fellows who have good educations but wanting character-wise that all I meant. Education is more than what you learn in class.
        
        Good luck to you and your girl, all the best.
        
        FYI: I meant is time sistas valued a man based on his character and not necessarily based on the money they earn or education credentials
  - http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ Miss Reese
    
    @Lanieanna
    
    Woooow.
    
    “Poor Lil Miss Reese”
    That was indeed “shots fired”. I was pretty overworked yesterday (busy at work) so I dodged the “bullets”. I’ll refrain from responding because…quite frankly, it no longer matters.
    Good luck with your boo and such!
    
    smh
    - Lanieanna
      
      The Boule’ was definitly in the house for this post.
      
      All I ment to convey, is that education and tax bracket does not always reflect each other…. Don’t assume that just because a person does not have a degree, they automatically go into the “broke a$$” catagory. Or the “I can dress him up, but can’t take him nowhere” catagory. I mean.. really.. how many educators do you know living large? I know city workers that are wayyyyy more financially secure than your avg school teacher, and who could be more educated than an educator? I went to college to specialize in a profession. To learn as much about what I wanted to make of myself…. Not to get a degree, just to say I had a degree, so I could hang out or attract other people that had degrees… no beef no shade… i just thought your comment was a lil ignant, and close minded. There is not anything wrong with wanting a person in your life who has accomnplished what you have worked so hard to accomplish.. such as a man with a degree… I said all that to say.. just cuz a ninja got a degree, dont mean he got money!
      - http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ Miss Reese
        
        @Lanieanna
        
        Thanks for the clarification but I’m still going to have to give you a “side eye” on this one. Also, per my original post, please check that my direct quote was- “So to answer the question, I would prefer if my forever boo (husband) was in the same tax bracket as me or at least had a degree.” With “prefer” being the operative word. Prefer, meaning that it would be ideal but would not be a deal breaker. I mean, come on, what person would deny dating somebody who makes 6 figures just because they do not have a degree? That’s beyond crazy. It’s too bad you thought my comment was “ignant and close-minded” but the fact still remains, I would prefer if my husband had a degree….with prefer still being the operative word.
        
        As usual, no shade.
I’ll give it a try

Um, maybe it’s me, but I feel like this is explicitly a colored folks issue. Why I gotta end up with Raheem the trashman* but Becky ends up with David the Cardiologist?

*not that anythings wrong with trashmen, jus sayin’

On another note, I feel like if I were to make more money/have more education that my potential mate, I wouldn’t be the one tripping.

I’ve actually had a kneegrow tell me in a conversation once “Why you gotta use all those big words, I know you went to college!” o_0
exit stage left
Sorry, but I can’t be ya mammy and baby you about insecurities you have because your woman is outperforming you. I’m not trying to outshine my potential partner, but I’m also not going to dumb myself down to make him feel good.
- http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ Miss Reese
  
  “Um, maybe it’s me, but I feel like this is explicitly a colored folks issue. Why I gotta end up with Raheem the trashman* but Becky ends up with David the Cardiologist?”
  
  Thank you! Why we gotta aim low? Everybody else seems to be going for All-Stars and we gotta take all the nose-bleed spectators? So over it.
  - http://lizburr.com Liz
    
    It’s a colored people issue because there’s a disparity in who is getting college degrees in this country, color wise. I’m sure there might be other issues going on as well, related to race and education, like more black women getting degrees than black men, regardless of our marrying numbers.
    - coldsweat3
      
      yah yall dont have to aim low, yall can aim white, brown or yellow. Just know that if you ONLY aim black you may need to take a step down. The stats are not in your favor. That article said its 700,000 more black women with a degree than men. If you account for all of the socially awkward dudes, Michael Steele’s, and Carl Winslows its even worse.
      - http://authenticqueenspeex.blogspot.com/ Miss Reese
        
        Sigh.
        
        So true and so sad.
      - melekaj
        
        Well that statement just made me want to go jump right off the curb! Ugh…i’m going to sleep
      - http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie
        
        This made me e-cry.
      - a plus
        
        yeah, true, but all of those 700000 black women with degrees aren’t necessarily high quality women. simply having a degree doesn’t automatically make you wifey material. what about all the psychos, crazies, lesbians (nttawwt) etc. i think we’re getting too caught up in this whole numbers thing. we need to just focus on doing what makes you happy and being with who makes you happy, and not trying to be a statistic, or avoid becoming one, for that matter.
  - #1Snowflake
    
    “You can have whoever you like.” . . and I don’t know too many Becky’s with David the Cardiologist or who want them— the David’s of the world seem to go for Miss Kim or Miss Patel——
    While the 3 Raheem’s (I finally had to just delete all of them from my phone because I couldn’t keep them straight) I dated didn’t work out- they were def not the garbage man— but ps I feel you.
    - Tx10inch
      
      Now wait just a minute…My name’s Raheem!!!!
      
      lol. j/k
      - CNotes
        
        @Tx10inch
        
        Now wait just a minute…My name’s Raheem!!!!
        
        LMAO!!!! This made me laugh out loud. : )
      - Tx10inch
        
        @Cnotes
        
        lol *smile*
  - RocktheCatbox
    
    Very true. Waspy white broads think they’ve settled when they end up with a cardiologist… who is persian, swarthy/ethnic, doesn’t come from a good family or went to a state school. They will end up with hairy, peasant-calved kids who have slightly smaller trust funds than their classmates. There should be a CNN special!
    - Lil’ T
      
      peasant-calved kids?!? iCan’t with you today, clearly you’re trying to get me fired.
      
      bwahahhhahahaha!
- http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha
  
  Um, maybe it’s me, but I feel like this is explicitly a colored folks issue. Why I gotta end up with Raheem the trashman* but Becky ends up with David the Cardiologist?
  
  This has been my issue for years! White women never have these conversations. But every time I read Essence mag and they talk about relationships they discuss how black women need to give the cable man LOVE. Or she will miss out on her soul mate. It makes me sad really.
  - LeStuyHeights
    
    From what I can see from my white (shit, any non-Black) female friends, they dont have long laundry lists of requirements like Black women do. Average middle-class white women (WASPS are obviously a diff social set) don’t have these convos b/c most of them can care less about a guys degree/pedigree/org affiliations/salary…my friends always talk about the innerworkings of an ideal guy for them. That rarely comes up when Black women are knee-deep in a whyamistillsingleBlackmenaintshit bashfest.
    
    Brothas, I feel sorry for you. Black women are VICIOUS! Sheesh!
- AtypicalLibrarian
  
  “Sorry, but I can’t be ya mammy and baby you about insecurities you have because your woman is outperforming you. I’m not trying to outshine my potential partner, but I’m also not going to dumb myself down to make him feel good.”
  
  My sentiments exactly. If a dude doesn’t have a problem with where he is in life, then neither will I. If I can accept him for who he is then he should be able to accept me nerdom and all.
- Scipio Africanus
  
  It *is* a colored folks issue because we’re a small and increasingly socio-economically stratified group, but we’re also pushed into being a monolith.
  
  In other words, society at large tells us we’re all the same and part of one big family, regardless of education level, class background, etc. So people from the striver class and up still feel compelled to consider dating folks from the lower classes with less education. Of course those pairings are harder and are largely at the root of alot of the dating crap we’re seeing now.
  
  Other groups are either really large and not monolithized (fite wolks), or are smaller but not harshly stratified along class lines(specific Asian groups – Koreans, Japanese, Chinese, etc – though not all of them – Cambodians and the Hmong are not really kicking much butt.)
  
  This monolith idea essentially forces us to try to pull off the impossible with one another.
  
  Back when the black middle class was tiny-to-non-existent, almost all balck people were basically working class at best, or outright impoverished. Very few had college degrees. We were all in the same boat, and these differences didn’t exist. Now they do, and it’s hard.
  - Shay
    
    …are smaller but not harshly stratified along class lines(specific Asian groups – Koreans, Japanese, Chinese, etc – though not all of them – Cambodians and the Hmong are not really kicking much butt.)
    
    I’d disagree with this statement. You touch on it with Cambodians and Hmong, but you’re downplaying it to hell.
    - Scipio Africanus
      
      That’s why I said specific groups. There’s not a ton of stratification among Chinese. Or among Koreans. or among Japanese.
      
      The only way you could disagree with what I said is if you attempt to make East and Southeast Asians a monolith, thereby throwing all those groups into one big East Asian bag. Surely you don’t want to do that? They certainly don’t do it among themselves here.
      
      I think the disadvantaged groups I mentioned are still very, very small, even among the various East Asian groups in the US, so many people in middle America may never have even heard of the Hmong, for instance. Point being, their existence isn’t really tearing down the sense of “Asians” as a model minority, hence, little social stratification.
      - Shay
        
        The idea of Asians as a model minority is offensive to me.
        
        I need to expound on this, but I’m busy at the moment. I understand what you’re saying, but I think you’re mistaken. Of course this could be me being extra-sensitive because I am Vietnamese.
      - Scipio Africanus
        
        Honestly, I figured you were probably Asian (no disrespect.) It seems like you want to be objective in reading what I’m saying, but your subjective side is getting in the way and accusing me of putting forth the model minority thing. But that’s my whole point – when you break Asians down by actual specific cultures, the model minority thing falls apart, but within specific cultures there are some common experiences/trends. One of those trends is the lack of stratification within specific groups. That can go both ways, too, i.e., lots of people doing boss good (Koreans, Japanese) and lots of people needing alot of help (Hmong, Cambodians, etc.)
  - Nina
    
    thank you. i dont care if my man has a degree, I DO care about his background. i used to NOT care, but years of dating and even marrying men from differnt backgrounds taught me that it makes a difference. and not just in the sense that the person from the higher socio-economic background will look down on the other, because thats how people perceive the complaints, but in the sense that you need some compatibility. i liken it to the tv show Green Acres.
    
    my exes felt a lot of resentment toward me and my family. felt I was looking down on them, felt insulted when I didnt agree with their choices in movies, what the kids should wear to school and so on. a LOT of class clashing. and i felt defensive a lot, as if I were doing something wrong or being uppity or maybe had some hidden sense of superiority that they were detecting. it wasnt the case. but eventually, after it NEVER worked out, I was happier out of it. I was able to discuss with them the things they liked and were interested in, but the disparity in experience and education made it hard for them to discuss with me a lot of things that were important to me or that interested me. i had to limit myself. i don’t ever want to have to do that again.
    
    I am concerned primarily with lifestyle compatibility. Can he and I do things together that we both enjoy, will we enjoy the company of one anothers friends and families, will they enjoy our company?
    
    i’ve found that blue collar guys, even if i like them, don’t particularly enjoy the things I like. i’ve found that guys who are new to the middle class and really want to climb the socio-economic ladder, tend to be more conformist and closeminded that i am.more conservative. but men whose parents and grandparents have similar backgrounds to mine (college educated,middle to upper middle class) tend to have a better fit intellectually, politically and just in the day to day aspects- what shall we eat, what will we wear, what concert will we attend,what movies will we see.
    
    Becky isnt stressing about this, because Becky hasn’t historically had a huge problem finding men in her own social class.Becky has a larger pool to choose from because there are more Brents than Beckys so she isn’t forced to contemplate marrying Jethro or JoeBob.
    
    I don’t care if a man makes less money than I do or if he isnt college educated. I just want him to be able to go to a party or movie or book club with me and be able to appreciate the music, the food and discussion the same way I do.Its not that I think in terms of better or worse, just because I like a certain sort of food or party or movie doesnt mean I think its better or other people’s shit is worse. Just means I want to share interests and passions with a mate.
    
    What bugs me is that men who dont read, who havent travelled etc get upset when I dont want to date them as if Im looking down on them. Because after the new wore off, after feeling like they got something special because I have a degree etc, after the sex is boring they’d be complaining that I don’t laugh at their jokes, wont hang with their friends, like boring ass tv shows, read too much, always want to go to dull ass parties and concerts with bad music..Why would I want to be with a man who wouldnt be happy with me as I am?
MissBXNYC

As a college graduate I do care about what my potential husband brings to the table. He should be on my level or better. I want us to both have good incomes. I am a Puerto-Rican woman, and I date all types of races, so if I have to marry outside my race to find what I want, I am okay with that. I think the man should be the main breadwinner, but I plan on puling my weight as well. I grew up watching my mom working two jobs, and my father only worked one. I always hated that. I never wanted to repeat my mother’s history.
its2010dammit

It’s not about the degree. It’s about how much money the guy makes.

To the ones who will disagree with me, my reply is that If you really insist that your man has a degree its because of your need to impress your family and friends. Since you may have yours, you have to one-up those who are involved with a man without a degree.

No bullsh*t
- http://twitter.com/Nick_L_Odeon Nick_L_Odeon
  
  uh oh!! i’m a little scurred to see what’s about to pop off..
  
  #icalleditfirst
- http://lizburr.com Liz
  
  Eh, I dunno. Some women want their man to be degreed because college is a unique experience people go through and they want that shared experience. It’s like if you want someone who is a neat freak because you’re a neat freak. Or, you want our mate to be black because you’re black and you don’t wanna have to crib note every conversation about race to them. Others treat it like religion, they want their kids to be college educated so they want a mate who is also college educated. Could be a lot of different reasons for this request.
  - coldsweat3
    
    I also think its important because for those of us who have a degree college was a significant part of our lives. Many of our closest friends came from college. As a result, alot of our friends are college educated and potentially are also doing well for themselves. I think you want to surround your kids around alot of positive role models and all of my friends are either in medicine, banking or law who i graduated with. While there are many people who do not have a degree and are GREAT role models(especially for black people who may be first generation college students) there is a chance(or big chance) that a person without a degree may have other degree less potentially shiftless friends which might not be the most ideal role models for your children. Just my two cents.
    - its2010dammit
      
      @coldsweat
      
      [Flavor Flav] Woooooooow!
      
      Can we say elitist? Can’t have our kids around those shiftless non-sheepskin-havin’ scrubs.
      
      You prove what my Grandfather used to say.
      
      Educated does not equal intelligent.
      - coldsweat3
        
        really you deduced all that? Cuz from the post I wrote and in the same sentence it said “While there are many people who do not have a degree and are GREAT role models(especially for black people who may be first generation college students) ” last I checked im recognizing that there are those without degrees that are not shiftless. But let us NOT be disillusioned and think that there are not a nice amount of shiftless brothas without a degree. Please spare me the Oprah stories in a rebuttal.
      - its2010dammit
        
        @coldsweat3
        
        I think we have a misunderstanding. I’m talking about a productive man with a decent income but no degree versus a productive man with a degree.
        
        Of course there are plenty of shiftless dudes. YOU introduced them to this post.
      - Dave
        
        Sound elitist to me. I’m just saying.
    - Deeds
      
      While there are many people who do not have a degree and are GREAT role models(especially for black people who may be first generation college students) there is a chance(or big chance) that a person without a degree may have other degree less potentially shiftless friends which might not be the most ideal role models for your children.
      
      So you’re basically judging your potential mate on some hypothetical friends that may or may not be a bad influence. Just sounds like an excuse. So if you met a man who had all the qualitites that you were looking for in a mate but didn’t have a degree because his friends may be shiftless you wouldn’t date him. I have some pretty shiftless lazy people in my family I would hate for that to be a barometer of whether someone would date me even though I have a degree and working on a masters.
      - T’Lu
        
        I have some pretty shiftless lazy people in my family I would hate for that to be a barometer of whether someone would date me even though I have a degree and working on a masters.
        
        I’m right there with you on that one.
    - AtypicalLibrarian
      
      “there is a chance(or big chance) that a person without a degree may have other degree less potentially shiftless friends which might not be the most ideal role models for your children.”
      
      So I guess the shiftless degreed mo’fo’s are ok, then? Riiiiiight.
      - coldsweat3
        
        to those who continued to post on my first part of the post and ignored…
        
        “” last I checked im recognizing that there are those without degrees that are not shiftless. But let us NOT be disillusioned and think that there are not a nice amount of shiftless brothas without a degree. Please spare me the Oprah stories in a rebuttal.”
        
        Theres always exceptions to the rule. Yall can do whatever you want. Theres alot of people out here so please get whatever the hell yall want ladies. I just know what I want so yes I will base my decision off of some “arbitrary” rule or the possibility of shiftless friends. Clearly if I started talking to someone I would meet their friends and assess myself. Just saying maybe being from the South and knowing alot of my male HS peers(shoot females too) who are SHIFTLESS as allllllllll Hell has jaded me. Yall go out there and get your diamond in the rough.
  - its2010dammit
    
    Your strongest argument is “college is a unique experience people go through and they want that shared experience.”
    
    That means almost nothing. Surely you have better reasons for disqualifying those who don’t have degrees.
    
    It is clearly about money and/or impressing others. Everything is a competition when it comes to Sista’s with degrees. Admit it or remain in denial.
    
    No bullsh*t
    - its2010dammit
      
      ^The above comment is for Liz
    - http://lizburr.com Liz
      
      It means “almost nothing” to YOU because you’re clearly not the person who feels that way. Newsflash: not everybody thinks like you. Just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.
      
      In addition, I think you’re mistaken if you really think college degree = money. Ask the jobless college graduates graduating from universities every year. Keep in mind a college degree generally puts most people in a lot of debt. You act like it’s free. At the end of the day I am sure self sufficiency trumps a college degree. “Girl he broke, but he got him a degree!” “Girl he ain’t got no job, but I’m gonna show off his degree!” Yeah, not cute. Stop suspending basic logic.
      - its2010dammit
        
        Dance around it if you must but my stance remains the same. Most guys who pay attention would agree wholeheartedly with me.
        
        NO bullsh*t
        
        http://lizburr.com Liz
        
        that’s ok. you and the men agreeing with me in this thread know I’m right.
        
        its2010dammit
        
        Liz, Liz. You are not right. You are not wrong either. There is no right or wrong in this particular topic. It’s all opinion and personal preference. For me it’s really about the debate. I could easily take your position and say you would indeed be doing a disservice to the black community by not marrying and procreating with a man with the intellect and ambition to seek a secure a degree.
        
        However, there are MANY women who fit the stereotypes that I present here. Surely you can admit that.
        
        I just like to push buttons. today I chose you. I really just want all people to be more open-minded.
        
        No Bullsh*t
      - More is More
        
        I have to agree with you on this one Liz.
        
        A degree does not equal money; My last soiree into the dating game smacked me in the face with this reality. Though the person I was with had a master degree (just as I do), he was unemployed because he didn’t have the work ethic and drive that usually leads a person to be successful. So while he had those fancy letters listed after his name, I didn’t see him as capable of being a good provider and so, he got his walking papers. Those “degrees” weren’t enough for me to overlook everything else!
      - a plus
        
        “It means “almost nothing” to YOU because you’re clearly not the person who feels that way. Newsflash: not everybody thinks like you. Just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.”
        
        EXACTLY!! *clapping* i agree with you liz, and you make an important point, one that is often ignored when discussing this topic. people make their “lists” of standards and qualities that they want in a mate. not everyone agrees on these standards. the problem i have is when people tell me i should “settle” for xzy. NO. I have these standards / qualities i’m looking for for a reason, so no, i will not adjust them to suit what others think are reasonable…sorry for my rant, the purpose of this was to give a big up to liz for her stellar comment.
      - Intelligentleman
        
        I agree with the comments I’ve read thus far from you, Liz.
        
        Let’s get real here. To say that anyone who is college-educated (man or woman) should NOT look for a mate who is also college-educated is folly. Especially if you’re from my generation, you were probably encouraged from birth to pursue higher education in the form of going to college. If you weren’t taught that at home, you were taught that in grade school. If you weren’t taught that in grade school, then Heithcliff & Clair Huxtable, Dwayne Wayen et al damn sure taught you that on Thursday nights.
        
        Why would you first (key word “First”) seek partnership in someone who HAS NOT had similar experience (college or otherwise) as you did if you felt the experience influenced you largely? That’s absurd. That doesn’t translate into “don’t give anyone a chance if they aren’t college educated”. It translates into “find someone who you have a lot in common with, and with whom you share similar beliefs”. F*ck money….it’s not about that. Put your best foot forward and sh*t…
        
        I bet you 20 bucks and Queen Latifah’s sweaty bra that 99% of the people reading this blog rightfully associate a higher education with a more comfortable lifestyle (that’s not to be confused with thinking that it guarantees one). So please, let’s not act like we won’t be encouraging our own children/nieces/nephews/lil’ cousins to go to college on some level or another.
        
        @ its2010dammit
        
        Why the hostility towards the college-educated? Or rather, why the hostility towards someone’s choice to attempt to mate with the college-educated?
    - http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula
      
      That may not be a good argument for why it is important, but it is nonetheless. Whatever the underlying reasons, there is a marked difference between a person and friends of a person who went to college and ones that did not.
      
      In my life experience, that has led to friction between friends and a couple, where one may not fit in very well with the others friends and vice versa. Sure, it is easy to say “if you really love each other, it doesn’t matter what other people think” but that requires you to have gotten to that point first. Unless you manage to carry out the first 6 months of your relationship in a vacuum, these kinds of things will matter and make a difference.
      
      I’m not saying it should be a hard and fast rule, as always, these should be evaluated on a case by case basis. But for some, it may mean that they need to bring something else to the table.
    - AtypicalLibrarian
      
      I’m on Team Liz here. Saying that competition is everything to a degreed woman is such a sweeping generalization that I don’t even know where to begin! Maybe I haven’t crossed over to the Pompous Elitist Side Chapter of Black Women Who Can’t Get a Man because I only have a B.A.
      
      I dated guys I went to school with while I was in undergrad and after undergrad I dated a guy with a high school diploma and a CDL, one with a B.A. and one with a high school diploma and credits towards an associates degree. The one guy with a degree and I could totally relate our college experience because we went to the same school. The second guy, while he couldn’t relate appreciated my experience and was comfortable around my “educated” friends, held his own in conversations, etc. The third guy was intimidated by me and criticized my every accomplishment. Each criticism stemmed from his own insecurities and he was good for punctuating every disagreement with something like “well, I wouldn’t know because I don;t have a degree.”
      
      It depends on the person. Most of my friends have bachelor’s degrees and a few have masters. Some have associates and others have none at all. My family includes an aunt who is a manager at McDonald’s to street pharmacy cousins to an uncle with a PhD who taught at Clark-Atlanta and Spelman. Different mates appealed to different people in my social circle but at the end of the day it mattered not because the guys were dating me, not them.
    - Scipio Africanus
      
      It means a ton, actually, and I’m saying as a guy who wants a girl who went to college (preferrably a girl who lived on campus, or just not a home.)
      
      In my eyes, the experience of having spent those years in college shapes your frame of thinking and reference, and makes getting along romantically alot easier.
      - ThatOneAKA
        
        I see the validity in both Liz and its2010dammit’s viewpoint. While it is a MUST that we all have standards for dating/mate selection, I believe it to be a sad state of affairs when we use a single measure (ie a degree) to make a decision, rather than the sum of the whole. Do I want a partner who has shared experiences? Of course! But to allow a degree to define us/them is craziness! My degrees, as well as my profession, does not define me as a person. It does tell someone whether or not I will be loyal, supportive, nurturing or understanding. It does say that I am $160K in student loan debt…lol How I interact with you, how I treat you and others and vice versa is what is important. So, if I can connect with Rasheed/Raheem and he doesn’t have a degree, it doesn’t mean I’m settling if he possesses all of the characteristics/qualities that I both want and need…tell him to holla at a sista!
      - Scipio Africanus
        
        This is an “it is what it is” scenario, not a better or worse thing. I’m of the belief that whatever is important to a person, and whatever makes someone feel comfortable or happy with another consenting adult, they should pursue.
        
        Question – what would you suggest? That people try hard as they can to fight off the feeling of unsatisfaction they may feel by trying to get serious with someone who doesn’t possess a critical mass of the stuff they’re looking for? Or someone who doesn’t possess any of the top 2 or 3 things they look for? That comes off like you’re trying to prove something, rather than being true to yourself.
        
        That kind of setup probably won’t work, so why try? If you like deling with folks who went to college, *for whatever reason*, and the absence of that makes you genuinely uninterested, then you shopuld go for that.
      - http://aiaevents.com AnInternationalAffair
        
        This is SO relevant. The guy who has a degree but who didn’t have the “college experience” due to living @ home, going to a commuter school, not being involved on campus therefore having no college friends, etc., is much less compatible with (24 year old, multiple degree having) me than the guy with a HS diploma who’s lived on his own since age 19, has managed a household, handled expenses, paid bills before, etc. I’m with Scipio.
- Ivyette
  
  For me, a college degree does not matter. At all.He may not need a degree for what he wants to do. He may need to go to trade school or he may have a great idea and own his own business. It’s really about how much money he makes and if he is able to support me and a future family.
  
  I don’t have a problem working together, but I have a personal pet peeve when (some) men have this attitude of ‘what she bringin’ to the table’.
  - http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula
    
    Why do you have this pet peeve? Considering you yourself just said that you expect a man to “bring to the table” a certain salary and ability to take care of you and a future family.
    
    You said that in absence of a degree he needs to bring something else, in your own words, that is a great idea + own business, going to a trade school, or some other form of advancement. Why can’t a man expect something similar from a woman?
    - Ivyette
      
      @Kamakula
      
      Why do you have this pet peeve?
      
      I guess I tend to be a bit more traditional than most. I think a women should bring more of the caretaking, homemaking, nurturing side (something she’s naturally blessed with). Many men think that “bringin’ something to the table” is akin to “how much money you have, you know you gotta pull your weight.” In my opinion, pulling your weight, doesn’t always mean money.
      
      Why can’t a man expect something similar from a woman?
      
      He can like what he likes and compromise based on what he wants out of life.
- http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/30d53d3c96e45c80b848e46533e3c3a1.png INFJgurl
  
  It’s not the money, for me, or, in most cases, the degree. Its the value that I put on his profession. I would date a teacher or a social worker or fireman because I put a high value on what a teacher, social worker and fireman do. In fact, I’d be more likely to date a fireman with no degree than a dude with three degrees whose life’s mission is to blow up on the chitlin circuit. Maybe that’s just me.
  - http://www.grownfolkstalking.wordpress.com jaidevivre
    
    @INFJgurl,
    
    It’s not about the money for me, either. I value education. I value the drive that it requires to acquire a higher level degree. I value professional ambition as one might see in a teacher or social worker. And I want to instill those values in my kids. And you marry who you date, so…
- James
  
  It’s about how much money he can SAVE.
- http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie
  
  “It’s not about the degree. It’s about how much money the guy makes.”
  
  It’s the same with men, only in reverse. Ya’ll want to make more money than we do to stroke ya’ll toobigtoowide ego. We both usin’ each other for our agendas and whatnot. *kanyeshrug*
  
  And I don’t see what’s wrong with it, frankly. A woman usually wants a man to provide for her. Well, the man usually wants the same damn thing. Difference is, when women ask for it, she’s a golddigger. When a man says he wants to make more, he’s just tryin’ to be the main provider. o________________________O
- MissBXNYC
  
  @ its2010dammit
  It’s not the need to “impress my family or friends”, to me having a degree says you’re committed to putting the time and effort to better yourself. And couples who have similar shared experiences, are said to have stronger bonds, because they share the same values. You are right when you say educated does not equal intelligent, but for me, personally, that is a REQUIREMENT. Weeding people’s ignorance is a whole other conversation in itself.
http://www.thedatingtruth.com miss solomon`

I think men should always date dimes. between good better and best both men and women get the “better” except men look at it like they got a dime and women look at it like they had to settle. women want the best and feel like they’ve settled if they don’t get it. its like the Olympics except men only want the silver medal, gold medals take too much press. and basically too much work. women want the gold and settle for the silver and the media is screaming, well at least you got a medal. its like men don’t want to work hard enough for the best and women feel like they’ve worked too hard not to get the best.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  ?
  - http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie
    
    Champ’s simple (yet valid) response cracked me up. I’m over here furrowing my brow too. Maybe because I didn’t have toast this morning?
MsEsquire77

I’m a lawyer but I’ve dated a couple of guys without degrees and that didn’t bother me. There are a number of much-needed and well-paid blue collar jobs that don’t require higher education so if a man has a career that he’s proud of (and good credit) and can hold an intelligent conversation I’m not looking down my nose at him. Besides I’m from Detroit, my family is full of hard-working people from the auto industry. Cars/trucks put me through school! I’d date a police officer, mechanic, truck driver, etc. without blinking an eye.

As far as pay, I work for a non-profit and I’m definitely not rolling in money so if I make more than a man he’s not making much! With that said, I’d prefer he make as much, if not more than me.
- Leila
  
  “if a man has a career that he’s proud of (and good credit) and can hold an intelligent conversation I’m not looking down my nose at him”
  
  Same here! I prefer college-educated men, but there are many great men who didn’t have the opportunity to go to college and are still great men. My dad and best friend’s dad are the best examples. They’re very smart men, but my dad had to drop out of college to fight in a war and my best friend’s dad had to provide for his family (but later went on to finish college in his 40′s). Both men are the best examples of what real men are, they put their families first, always worked very hard to take care of their families and very smart with money, very intelligent, and just really good men. As great as a degree is, it’s not everything to me.
http://twitter.com/Nick_L_Odeon Nick_L_Odeon

maybe it’s my old age.. but, does he NOT wanna get a degree? that’s my next question.. i’m not rationalizing, but there’s plenty reasons why someone didn’t finish college.. (i’m living in one of them)..
i want to know his ambition and drive more than anything.. i know of managers at the supermarket that make more money per month than i’ve ever seen.. not all these people went to college..
a degree isn’t as important as a plan is.. i was with someone that didn’t have one.. and THAT was the problem.. he didn’t like to hold jobs, always had his head in the sky (even when the cell bill was due).. and was totally comfortable with my paying for everything.. until we got in a fight, and he said that i was emasculating him..
i’d like to believe that i wouldn’t harbor resentment if i brought home more money than my husband.. but i trust that if i married him, then i already respected him (and he had drive) without him having to shove how much he makes (or doesn’t make) in my face..
would also trust that he’s comfortable enough with himself to not let this diminish who he is as a man..
maybe i’m already asleep and i’m dreaming..
perhaps..
- Kirk Lazarus
  
  a degree isn’t as important as a plan is…
  
  I think this is it right here! A degree becomes less important when you have a plan for your career and what you expect from it. Because I know plenty of people who have degrees who are the 2nd shift manager at the olive garden. And I know people without degrees who make me really reconsider why I went to college any way.
  - Ms. Butta’sWorth
    
    @Nick_L-Odeon,
    
    a degree isn’t as important as a plan is…
    
    No, you’re not dreaming…you’re on point with that. I do not see where you’re implying a degree does not hold some level of importance, however…..having said degree does not negate the fact that one still needs A PLAN.
    
    An effective, well researched and thoroughly executed plan is imperative whether you possess that piece of paper or not.
    
    That is how I interpreted the above statement.
- CNotes
  
  @Nick_L_Odeon
  
  “a degree isn’t as important as a plan is.. ”
  
  I think you’ve captured the truth with this statement; because I have a friend who has a graduate degree and hardly any work experience (thus cripling earning potential). My friend now makes maybe $30K annually (and I’m being generous with that guess) and their mom has to help with bills. (Disclaimer: I’m not knocking $30K salaries, but me and my circle are in our early 30′s and should be further along). Unless you graduated from a top school or have an engineering degree (or the like), you must have some work experience. A better plan would have put my friend in a much better position.
- http://www.thegiftedlife.come Toni Childs
  
  “a degree isn’t as important as a plan is”
  
  I agree 100000%. I went to a great school, I have friends that went to great schools. Some of them have no plan and that’s a problem. A degree (especially one with a certain name) does not come with guarantees. The sense of entitlement attached to that framed work is false, or at least it has been in my experience and in the experience of many of my colleagues.
  
  I think a man with a plan, who things unconventionally is HOT! Not that degrees aren’t important, but if you can do what you love and make a living off of it without one (and the debt that comes with it) them I’m all for it!
  - Sula
    
    I think a man with a plan, who things unconventionally is HOT!
    
    Totally agree.
- T’Lu
  
  a degree isn’t as important as a plan is…
  
  This is key right here. I have a guy friend who has a Master’s in Computer Science and does nada. All he does is sit home play video games and lets his momma take care of him.
  He didn’t have a plan. He went to school because his parents told him so, not because he was ambitiously driven to do so. Heck his gf at the time forced him to get a job, he did, got depressed because working felt foreign to him,he quit, and went back to sitting on his momma’s couch.
  So yes, I do too respect someone who has a plan and may not have a degree, rather than someone with a degree, with no plan.
- http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie
  
  “i want to know his ambition and drive more than anything..”
  
  Same here. Thing is, not every well-paid profession requires a college degree. Yeah, most do, but not every. I just don’t want a lazy schmuck lying on my couch asking for Funyuns and hot sauce when I get home from work.
Mo

I don’t care if you have a degree or not, just be cultured. If you’re a military man who joined straight out of high school, but is well rounded and can discuss more than the rank and file mundane tasks of your job, then you could get it. (well, you may be a candidate to get it)

I dated a military man who was so out of touch with the world around him that I couldn’t get past the idea that he didn’t have a degree. I think I attributed all his deficiencies to the fact that he didn’t have a degree. (untrue, but easy way out) I mean, that’s all I could think of to pin it on. He’d clearly traveled the world (living in Guam, Austraila, Japan and more), he’d known various races of people, he was just unwilling to broaden his horizons. So he was a no bueno and I had to roll.

But, I’m not lowering my standards because there is a supposed black man shortage. I have no problem dating outside my race. And, I look just as good riding in a 7 series BMW as the next woman…meaning I’m not gonna settle for the decent performing Honda when I really want the BMW and have the means to get it. F-k that.
- Sula
  
  I don’t care if you have a degree or not, just be cultured.
  
  I think that matters more for me than anything. I want an INTELLIGENT man that is aware and cultured… I have met gazillion degreed folks who did NOT know how to behave in certain circumstances or who had the conversation skills of a toddler… And that is more of a turn off than not having a degree.,,
  
  I dig smart…
  - miss t-lee
    
    I approve this entire comment.
http://lizburr.com Liz

My grandmother had a master’s degree, and my grandfather only finished 3rd grade and was illiterate. They were married 55 years and while they had some bumps, they were pretty happy together. I don’t know of a happier couple who were so ride or die for each other. My grandmother had no problem feeling secure with him (my grandpa was also on the short/slim side, ha), and my grandfather was able to hold his own, financially speaking. I wish they were both alive so I could ask them about this bullshit ass media storm about Black marriages. I think you can be happy in an socio-eco imbalanced marriage. My grandfather may have been missing a basic education, but he made up for it in ambition, and he never let his illiteracy get in the way of being able to provide for his family. He had many an enterprise going on throughout his lifetime, and after retirement he was hired as a professor at a community college. On the flip side, my grandmother was never one to emasculate him and make him feel less than because he couldn’t read, and she was mrs. master’s degree. She filled out his paperwork at work, completed his job applications for him, wrote his resumes, and they were good. So, sure, it can work.

Maybe by “talent,” Watts meant “ambition.”

I’ve seen women with incredible resumes and husbands with equally incredible resumes….and they man is up in the club chasing other women. It’s sad, every time I see this. Everyone needs to remember, Trifling comes in all credentials (or lack thereof). You should be looking for happiness at the end of the day.
- MsEsquire77
  
  @Liz–you can’t hear me but I’m giving you a standing ovation! Money and education (or the lack thereof) are important but they don’t define a person. When it comes to love and relationships I think there are bigger concerns: Does he support my goals? Does he cherish and protect me? Is he faithful, honest, passionate, considerate, patient, kind?
  
  On that note, I’m headed to bed. This topic is getting me worked up and I have a full day!
  - Beremore
    
    “Trifling comes in all credentials (or lack thereof). You should be looking for happiness at the end of the day.”
    
    Clap, clap bravo… this is it right here. Speak that truth Liz
- sandbalance
  
  I dunno. An illiterate man born post-1975 who has a third grade education is an entirely different type of man than a man who was born in the 1920s or 1930s who is illiterate with a third grade education.
  
  Also, my life has been all about doing things that were statistically improbable. So, i don’t worry too much about what the media says things are like for my demographic. Just because it is true for SOME statistically significant number of black women doesn’t mean that it will be my story.
  - I’ll give it a try
    
    “I dunno. An illiterate man born post-1975 who has a third grade education is an entirely different type of man than a man who was born in the 1920s or 1930s who is illiterate with a third grade education. ”
    
    @sandbalance
    
    Church!
    
    My great-grandfather only had a 6th grade education (great-grandma went to 10th) but was able to hustle in life and provide well for his family. He was able to get a good job, buy a house, have two cars sitting in the driveway, the whole nine. Great grandma only worked part time to supplement the house and have her own money.
    
    The difference is men back then had skills, drive, ambition, hustle! Yeah he only had a 6th grade education, but he had carpentry skills, some decent mechanics, barbering and good business sense all firmly under his belt. He made it work!
    
    Some of these negroes w/ no education know nothing about nothing, have no skills or trade, and actually believe they are going to get somewhere off of a hs diploma alone.
    - Dom
      
      “An illiterate man born post-1975 who has a third grade education is an entirely different type of man than a man who was born in the 1920s or 1930s who is illiterate with a third grade education”
      
      Exactly. To deny this would be to ignore that the job market in this country has become less focused on trade skills than it was in past generations. That’s great that your grandparents were able to make it through, but if it was to happen today the story would be totally different.
  - http://lizburr.com Liz
    
    Clearly it’s an example though, relatively speaking. I think today you could provide a similar example of someone who has a master’s degree being with someone who never went to college. I probably wouldn’t be with someone who couldn’t read but am I turning my nose down to men who don’t have a college degree? No. Mostly because, my dad never finished college and he managed to make a living with a six figure salary. People skills and ambition can make up for what you lack in education. That’s the point here.
- Kirk Lazarus
  
  Everyone needs to remember, Trifling comes in all credentials
  
  Statements like this made me become a Liz stan
- Kirk Lazarus
  
  Everyone needs to remember, Trifling comes in all credentials
  
  Statements like this made me a Liz stan
- atltx
  
  Move this post to the top of the page…folk need to see this before commenting I am your grandfather with a master’s degree. I’d rather bust my azz all day…sweat, get funky, and be my own boss…than deal with corporate america. And yep…I’ll probably go teach in a horticulture program after my company grows to where I want it to be….and I’m too old to do back breaking work all day.
  
  I must say…I’m not for every type of woman…if you want to show off your mate’s career at cocktail parties…I’m not the one. If you want to be in a home that’s paid for sitting on an acre or two close to the city in less than 10 years…but wait. How many of yall deserve that? Seems like the degrees I have are more important…and they don’t do shat for me now.
  
  It’s ok though…I love black women…and yall love me. So…let the media try to divide us…as with all things we’ve encountered…we as black folk will weather this storm.
  - Sula
    
    See, I’ll pick a hardworking man who has a passion for what he does and is willing to work to attain it over someone waiting on Corporate to succeed.
    
    For every breed of man, there is an equal breed of woman. Just find where you fit in.
  - G.A.W.
    
    lol – “them degrees don’t do shat for you now” – i love it! and i sooo feel you on the corporate plantation – it SUX!
- http://www.shesoflyy.blogspot.com Muze
  
  “Everyone needs to remember, Trifling comes in all credentials (or lack thereof). You should be looking for happiness at the end of the day.”
  
  i heart you so much for this statement.
- CNotes
  
  @Liz
  
  While I agree with your post in that the socio-eco imbalanced marriage can work; the additional elements are what really made it work:
  
  - your grandfather’s commitment to being a provider for his family (regardless of his education level)
  
  - your grandmother embracing the roll of being supportive to her husband (regardless of her education level)
  
  - their commitment to each other and value for marriage
  
  God bless them both!
  
  Values have changed so much nowadays its become a crap shoot when it comes to relationships. Optimism is all we have now.
  - CNotes
    
    Oops! I meant, “embracing the role”.
  - http://lizburr.com Liz
    
    yeah, I agree with you here. If you have those elements, then a degree really doesn’t matter. A lot of people get blinded by the degrees. I know I used to feel that way myself, and it’s taken me some time to reconsider.
    - CNotes
      
      @Liz
      
      I did too, until I got married (and divorced). Nothing like a reality check to change your perspective on what is truly important.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “Trifling comes in all credentials (or lack thereof). You should be looking for happiness at the end of the day”
  
  damn. look at liz spitting wisdom and sh*t. i’m proud of you
  - http://lizburr.com Liz
    
    Ha. I learned from the best.
- http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie
  
  “Trifling comes in all credentials…”
  
  I’m lovin’ this quote, Liz!
- Sula
  
  I absolutely dig your response. You’ve mentionned your grandparents before and you seriously need to write about them!!! They are an inspiration.
  
  Socio-eco imbalance households work when both people are there for the right reasons and truly love each other.
  
  My parents’ case was slightly different. They both have doctorates, however the disciplines they chose brought different amounts of money… Was that a problem? Not that I know of. My father is the wisest person I know, while my mother is the most ambitious person I know (I got it from my mama! )… They both worked and balanced each other. My father stayed up nights correcting my mother’s doctoral thesis (they didn’t have spell check and computers back then.. Lol) and has supported her drive every step of the way… In turn, my mom understands that my dad is the ultimate decision maker because he thinks decisions through and is just a wise man all around. This dynamic worked for them.
  
  I think the most important is to find the person that counterbalances your weaknesses and whose shortcomings your strengths can help. Once you find that mix, you’re good to go. All about yin and yang.
  - http://lizburr.com Liz
    
    I think a lot of times people make these lists and expectations and may not really understand what is going to work best for them. If people took a more holistic approach to finding a mate, stuff like degrees wouldn’t be such a big deal, and would fall in line naturally.
- http://www.5andpossible.blogspot.com Rum Punch
  
  Like everyone else has said – tell it! While playing this dating game, I like to use my grandparents as examples to help me put things into perspective. My grandfather was considerably older, was divorced, had other kids, had less education, and was wayyy shorter than my granny. But he lurved my granny! Ironed her nursing uniform everyday ‘fore she went to work type love. He was a hardworker. He was a provider. A good father. They were equal partners. But today, he wouldn’t even make the cut for some women. And I don’t want to be one of those women. Lol.