Or something like that.
Yesterday, on a site I didn’t even realize that I’d heard of, the two superfly, debonair brothas of VSB were cited.
Let me take a step back first and address the first part of that sentence as to not seem like I’m big leaguing. A few years back in 2010, the term No Wedding No Womb (NWNW) hit the Internets with the force of an Aretha Franklin bra release. To be honest, I had no idea where it started, what it meant (though context clues helped eventually) or why anybody gave any f*cks about this concept. In fact, it wasn’t until yesterday that I found out that the site, Beyond Black & White, and namely its founder is the one who started the whole NWNW movement. I’m pretty sure Damon wrote about it. I’m pretty sure I ignored it wholesale. I’m gully like that. Point is, I’m oblivious to a lot of things that happen online amongst the reading ninja community. Half of the articles that get people into an uproar don’t cross my radar unless Damon writes about them or some woman I know brings them to my attention. I rarely, okay, I never read any of the sites reading ninjas read to figure out how reading ninjas feel about things reading ninjas should give any f*cks about.
Which brings us to yesterday. I have my Twitter set to send me a text message any time I get a mention. Randomly, I get a text message stating that somebody is talking about as long as women care about marriage people like @panamajackson (Twitter and Instagram, follow me now!) will have a job. I’m paraphrasing but its something like that. I go to check it out and its part of some pseudo convo happening amongst some women referencing us as that site that wrote “Girl, Don’t Get Raped” etc and how we wrote the book cited and how they gave us a full stop after that. Something along those lines. Well I checked the timeline and saw some women arguing about women being told they should sacrifice education for marriage or some such f*ckery. As a f*ckery savant and procurement expert, I had to delve. They linked to some article on some site I’d never heard of…Beyond Black & White.
The name of the article immediately caught my attention as it was supposed to. It read, “Black Women Are Spending Too Much Time and Effort Going to School, They Should Be Spending Time Trying to Get Married”. Dumb ass idea aside, I figured I should read this article. Okay. I have no f*cking clue what the point of this article was and it sure as sh*t wasn’t what the title suggested. But it’s possible I’m just not as smart as everybody else. I can live with this.
But lo and behold. halfway through the article I see a reference to our book, “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime.”
One dating advice book written by two African-American males is titled “Your Degree’s Won’t Keep You Warm At Night.” In the case of black women, like the Miami, FL based attorney referenced above, their degree’s aren’t even helping them pay off their student debt or maintain a halfway-decent credit rating.
I’d like to send a thanks for the potential new purchases of our book due to this shout-out though in the context of the article and the site I’m pretty sure we got cursed out for being men presumably telling women what else to do with their lives.
Full disclosure, I don’t mind being cited. In fact, it usually kind of rocks. I’d just prefer being included in an article that made sense. I’m still trying to get the general point. The title suggests, quite simply, that women need to close the three ring binder and focus on getting that single Olympic ring. Except that’s such a ridiculous notion I’m not even sure how it got passed editing. Or at least not the way its written.
That only makes sense such that every woman views marriage as an actual accomplishment, which perhaps in our educated ninja complex and society, perhaps there’s merit. The regular ninjas I know stay married up though. I know women who’ve been married multiple times. Shoot, a solid 80 percent of the women I went to high school with are married. The only ones who aren’t are also extremely party-centric and ain’t about that married life. I tend to think this marriage problem is a very “high falutin’ ninja” hub problem. You know, DC-ATL-NYC-LA. I could be selling the problem short. I’ll concede this. I have a friend who talks so much sh*t about “DC men” and their commitment issues she might need to start a support group.
But, yes, marriage as an accomplishment. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Secondary to that though is this idea that women have to sacrifice one for the other. Or the higher level of educational attainment causes a sacrifice of marriage points so to speak because of the accrual of debt. And since according to statisitcs Black women are going to college at a higher rate than any other group but graduating at almost a low rate as Black men (the lowest rate of graduation) then women are going to college, accruing debt but ending no better off, so why not just cut out the middle man and focus on trying to find a husband. Or something. Basically, Black women are eschewing marriage for college while hoping to find a husband but losing out in all facets. Which totally blows.
I’m sure there’s some merit in the notion. I just think it was presented in a way that makes no damn sense whatsoever. And I’m sure somebody here will be more than happy to explain exactly how if Black women were smart, they’d go to the gym instead of college (not my opinion, just saying I’m sure somebody will say this). But it also makes it seem like there’s some secret to marriage when the fact is – and clearly I’ve never been married – it seems that for most people I know who are married it seemed like a matter of timing and meeting somebody you loved enough at a time when you were ready to make the leap. And if that’s the case then you can’t just “try to get married”. You have no control over that anyway.
For the record, my sisters, get that degree. It won’t keep you warm at night (this is true) but it can keep your heat on. Trust me, I’ve got without heat – I had no degree at the time – and that sh*t sucked tremendously. Yes, we’ve all mostly accrued debt due to our educations and yes that sucks. And yes financing one’s education often screws your ability to be the superstar you dreamt of. This is a common struggle. I just don’t see how this article truly explained how women getting degrees ruins their chances to get married. I don’t see how the two ideas were related in a way that made sense. And that would be all well and good since I read LOTS of articles that make THE dumbest links ever. Hell, I’ve written stuff that made no sense myself. Difference is, 90 percent of the time I’m doing it on purpose.
It would be all well and good if I ain’t see my brand associated with it. That’s no bueno. Not on an article that is going to make the rounds because everybody thinks its shawt bus shawty. Though that’s not really true. I read some of the comments to try to understand the article and it seems that many people think its a great article. I’m rambling since I don’t agree. So while I don’t mind being cited for better or worse (see above) I’d still prefer to be cited in something that at least made sense.
I wrote this whole post to say #shotsfired.
Do you think it makes any sense? Forget that, do you think there’s anything to the idea that women should stop trying to get those degrees mayne and should just start focusing on getting marred (assuming all women want to get married since, well, that’s the definite leap made in the article). Let’s just pretend that all the assumptions in the article are true or something. Hold me.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. 1400+ aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3