On Getting Older And Being in Weddings » VSB

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On Getting Older And Being in Weddings

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In a few months, I’m going to be the best man in one of my best friend’s weddings. This means that I’m taking on the responsibility for the bachelor party and making sure that stuff gets done on the groomsmen end in terms of tuxedo fittings, hotel arrangements, etc. This is a new experience for me. Not because I’ve never been a best man before. Au contraire, I was the best man in my brother’s wedding back in 2007 (I believe). Except this was no ordinary Best Man-ship. Naw, b. My ENTIRE reason for existing was to make sure he LITERALLY made it down the aisle. And even then, as we were walking down the aisle, my brother’s mom asked me to stop the proceedings.

You know how they ask at some weddings if there is anybody who doesn’t think the union should proceed…yeah, they skipped that part. Real nigga talking.

There was no official bachelor party. My man’s life was a bachelor party. The wedding reception? Popeye’s chicken and the after party was at the trap house. Like an actual one. There are no shots fired here. The whole wedding was a shots fired. But let’s move on.

Back to the current wedding situation that’s about to occur. In a few months that is. I’m now 35 years old. I’ll be 36 in a few months. I’ve been to a shit-ton of weddings at this point of my life. I’ve been a groomsman or usher in at least 5 or 6 weddings. This means that I’ve had to wear tuxedos at least 5 or 6 times. Which means I’ve had to get fitted for a tuxedo at least 5 or 6 times.  This used to not be an issue. I’d get fitted up to 6 months in advance and call it a day.

But as the best man, I’ve been tasked with attempting to get everybody else to the fitting counter. Except everybody wants to wait. Why? Because we’re old(er) and our weight fluctuates. I don’t remember this being an issue or concern back in the 2000s when we were all in various weddings in different capacities. But now, everybody is concerned about getting fitted now when we’ll all just have to get refitted in a few months anyway.

Aging.

Even the type of entertainment we’ve been thinking of for the bachelor festivities has taken a turn. My crew of homies has been known to do it up. We took a trip to Vegas once, rented a house, and I’m not sure anybody drank a drip of water for 5 days. On the flight back to DC from Vegas, I was literally shaking the whole time. I thought we lost one of our friends in the Vegas airport because we left a casino where we’d been drinking and went straight to the airport and she was so drunk she actually doesn’t remember leaving the casino or boarding a plane. We were not in good shape. Nobody. Now we’re talking about wine festivals and brunch.

Times they are a changin’. Hell, when our own Damon got married and we had bachelor festivities in DC, we didn’t make it past 830pm. Granted, the amount of liquor consumed in the hours of 2-830pm may be illegal, but I’m saying. I remember at one wedding back in 2006, getting SO fucked up that me and my boy were breaking up fights on a Richmond, Virginia, street got kidnapped (read got into a car with a woman we didn’t know because she was Black…literally) returned back to the hotel room at like 430am and were up at 8 am to walk to McDonald’s. The lesson there? Don’t go to Richmond.

Point is, there was a point in time where throwing caution to the wind was the order of the day and nobody (at least not any guys) were concerned about fitting into their wedding garments. Your size in October was going to be your size next May unless you were hitting the gym or doing some diet that a healthy white guy spoke about on the moving picture box.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this, it’s just one of those observational changes that happens as you get older. Something you don’t notice until it happens and its like, damn, folks aren’t even trying to hang out too late anymore.

Except late anymore is anything after 8pm at a non-controlled environment. And I get it, especially if you have kids. It’s just…interesting. Be that as it may, this wedding will happened and we’ll be fitted for our tuxes come hell or high water. And they’ll fit.

Because everybody will do what it takes to make them fit.

And that’s what it’s all about.

 

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Sahel

    Time is the most unbeatable combo,i was that guy who threw caution to the wind living life like everyday was a HALO jump. Now,i pause and consider my actions hehe. If we could all stop the march of time we would,but for now i wont mind going back in time and telling my 20 year old self to enjoy being carefree just a little bit more. I feel you man

  • HeyBooHey

    I’ve been in exactly one wedding: as the 10y.o. flower girl for my old nanny. Shout out to the haitian ribbons and flower crown that adorned my scalp. But as I’ve gotten older and had several friends who’ve served as bridesmaids/groomsmen, I’ve confirmed one sure thing – I ain’t having NO d*mn bridal party. Miss me with picking a dress for the variously shaped women in my circle/fam and worrying if it behooves them all. And those tailoring woes just confirmed alla dat which concerned me regarding men getting suited and booted for the occasion. Fellas, grab your finest linens or seersucker and ladies, throw on a sundress that blows in the breeze. The broom will be jumped on a tropical isle and a rowdy but timely turn up will go til bout 9:45pm

    • Cleojonz

      Amen to all of this. Weddings seem to bring out the worst in a group of girlfriends. My cousin had me matron of honor tell her she wasn’t going to be in the wedding if so and so was in it and all other type of nonsense that went on. Her bridal party ended up so lopsided.

      That’s why I recommend you book a nice trip and have only your very closest family and friends come. I got married in the Cayman Islands with just 11 people in attendance. I felt no pain and had no drama.

      • AlwaysCC

        we didn’t even invite people lol just came back married and had a big formal reception a month later. AND i got to wear my dress again! #winning

      • TeeChantel

        A girlfriend of mine had her wedding ceremony in florida in july and her wedding reception in arizona in august. she had a ton of out-of-town wedding guests so she wanted to acommodate the best way she could.

        Yes!! to the wedding reception in the Cayman Islands! If I ever get married i will defintely have a destination wedding in Jamaica or somewhere in the islands. I’m sure some of my family members will be mad, but hey, can’t please errbody.

        • Cleojonz

          Oh some family members will be mad for sure. One cousin begged me to have an actual wedding. She said you know people in our family never get married, and it was true but not my concern.

          • AlwaysCC

            why do people assume that a destination wedding is not a “real wedding”? everyone was soooo surprised that i wore a “real dress” with a cathedral veil…

            • Cleojonz

              Ikr? I had a real ministers and my dress was full lace and I had a full mantilla lace veil. It was much lighter than a traditional wedding dress (it was hot as eff in Cayman!) but it was undoubtedly a wedding dress.

              • AlwaysCC

                because of all this wedding talk, i’ve been online looking for wedding/dress ideas for my renewal ceremony lol i basically just want another chance to do it differently (even though i loved the way we did it the first time)

          • TeeChantel

            Exactly. Like I said can’t please everybody. I already know that my mother will start an argument about how my brother, his wife, and three kids won’t be able to make the wedding because of funds. Look, if I give you advance notice – like a year or two – so you can save $, what’s the problem?

            • Cleojonz

              I started priming my mother even before there was a mister to be that this was how it was going down. So she was prepared lol. My eldest brother and wife were not in attendance even though I gave everyone so much notice, so yeah prepare to stick to your guns.

    • MzzPeaches

      Girl! You said it all! My bestie from 3rd grade is going to be my only girl standing up w/ me. Since her personality is so chill, I can literally tell her “put this dress on, get your hair like this, and we’ll have a makeup artist” and she will go along w/everything with no back chat.

      I don’t have time for ninja’s attitudes/money issues/general funkiness around doing what I ask to participate in my wedding.

    • Val

      Sounds good to me!

    • Mika

      #alldis. I was a bridesmaid ONCE in my cousins wedding and she annoyed me. We aren’t close any more. Anddddd I’m 31, know my friends well enough, and yea don’t want any of them as bridesmaids. #dontjudgeme

      • miss t-lee

        My bestie was so chill. I was spoiled as a bridesmaid. She literally just picked the dress, and told us get silver shoes. She didn’t ask us to do anything else except be there. We could wear our hair however, and all that.
        I pretty much figured she wouldn’t go full bridezilla, as it’s not in her nature to wild out.

        • Lea Thrace

          Yeah. This was my best friend too. “Here is the color I want. Pick whatever style fits you best. Silver shoes. Do with your hair what you want”

          Best wedding ever.

          And why did all the bridesmaids SEPARATELY all choose the same dress from David’s bridal. LOL!

          • miss t-lee

            hahhaha!!! Great minds!

          • Lea Thrace

            Matter of fact my sister-in-law had the same MO for their wedding. Went off without a hitch!

        • KB

          Sooo much planning goes into a wedding, I don’t know how folks do it. The minute details of the planning makes me want to go into a full Hulk rage. In 2009 when my best friend was getting married and I was his best man we had to go pick out vests and ties to match the bridesmaids dresses. His fiancé told us ‘pink’ so that’s what we told the lady at the tux rental place. She goes in the back and comes out with one of those big notebooks with about 20 different fabric patches, all for the color pink. You could see the look of frustration come over my face as soon as she set it down. NOPE!

          • miss t-lee

            Yup. It’s a lot of details. The minutia is off the charts.

          • AlwaysCC

            when i told my sister i wanted to have a backyard bbq for my reception, she officially stopped consulting me in the planning of MY wedding reception lol she did an awesome job without my help.

            • miss t-lee

              This sounds fun.

              • AlwaysCC

                that’s what i thought, too! but she squashed that idea lol i seriously might renew my vows just to do it though
                pinterest didn’t exist back then. she just sent me a picture of a hotdog bar that was really cute. i may be able to get her on board this time!

                • miss t-lee

                  I’m all for everyone doing what they’d like, however fancy or lowkey.

                  • AlwaysCC

                    i looooove going to fancy weddings, but that’s just not me. if i had hot dogs and burgers, everyone would know i had a hand in the planning lol #lowkeyallday

        • nellsbells

          I didn’t have a formal bridal party to save $ but told my close friends to just wear any dress they want or already have in either blush or gold and it was perfect. We took bridal party-ish getting ready pics and they looked effortlessly cool but still coordinated. And no one had to spend money unless they happened to want a new dress.

          I’m definitely here for the small, modern-ish , do what you want weddings. My wedding was also at an african inspired bed and breakfast in BK. Bed-Stuy at that :-)

          • miss t-lee

            Ooooh. This sounds like a great idea.

  • Word on the march of time. Doing it up until 4 AM when you know your daughter wants to get up, eat breakfast and play Candyland at 8AM sucks! And then she woke me up at 2AM last night because she wasn’t feeling well. After that, Henny White and Wray’s and Nephew’s mind as well be Satan, even in very small amounts. LOL

    • Val

      Lol Wow, Candyland is still a thing? I loved that game.

      • Candyland is still a thing. And she kicked my butt too. I was just shaking my head at the fact that I went from one thing to another in such a short period of time. There’s nothing like texting a paramour during such a game as to how she’s feeling. ;-)

  • Ask my big homies are already married and my only friends my age that I have any expectations of getting married is Alex.so I got two real weddings to look forward to in my life, ignoring family members. Hers and mine. I’m interested in what she’ll do for mine as my best woman.

  • cakes_and_pies

    I don’t have anything to add other than this picture is adorable.

  • PunchDrunkLove

    Been the maid of honor and bridesmaid twice…..I think. Lol So I can sorta relate. I wouldn’t have given it much thought re the factors that comes into play being an older bride or groom. I gotta be honest tho, if I have a friend that’s older and getting married, I’d probably recommend buying a nice suit (bride and groom), have a three person ceremony (JOP, beach side, etc) and meet up at Chicken and Waffles with family and friends or have a small intimate ceremony and a big reception…..sum’in like that.

    • Val

      I agree if it’s not a first marriage for the bride. If it is the first then they should go for it if she wants and have a big wedding. But, a small wedding, including the JOP sounds good for me. I’d like to have my reception after the honeymoon. Prolly a nice dinner at home for no more than 20 people.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Mm hmm. we gon blow that money on the honeymoon of a lifetime. Shoot we grown for real. A little older, have lived a little. I can’t think of a better way

      • AlwaysCC

        yall have me online looking for ideas for vow renewals lol

  • Val

    I’ve been in quite a few weddings too. Maybe too many. Anyway, my best wedding experience was my first. I was 3 and the flower girl in my cousin’s wedding. Easiest wedding gig ever.

    Lol@don’t go to Richmond

    Nice to have you back, PJ.

    • IcePrincess

      It IS nice, rite Val? I been checking for him.

  • I’ve yet to go to a wedding, I’m noticing 20 somethings aren’t feeling them that much, they want small and intimate and will worry about anniversaries*

    If necessary*

    • Cleojonz

      Not even a family member’s?

    • MzzPeaches

      That must be your people, because on my end it’s been a non stop stream of weddings/baby showers for the last 5yrs

  • KB

    After attending a friend from high school’s wedding in 2012 where the reception was secret invite only (not everyone who attended the general ceremony went to the reception, which to me was tacky AF) I am kinda over weddings. Last one I went to was a close frat brother in 2013 and I really don’t care to attend any more, though I am sure I will be invited.

    • miss t-lee

      Yikes. That is tacky.

      • KB

        When I tell you I was HEATED…I almost went full Petty Ruxpin and put dude on blast via social media and was so close to taking back my registry gift. Especially since I had driven down to ATL from SC (2.5hrs) and the lady I was dating came from Clarksville, TN (5 hrs) to attend the wedding. We ended up going to This Is It instead and made it a good night.

        • miss t-lee

          I don’t blame you. I’m pretty sure I would have been out after that too.
          That’s a mess. UGH!

          • KB

            Right! Don’t send out formal invites inviting a bunch of people to your wedding if you can’t afford to feed them.

            • miss t-lee

              I mean, there’s always a way to do things. They could had a small reception, like a cocktail hour w/ hors d’oeuvres or something.
              You can’t have a reception and only invite certain people. That’s jacked.

              An acquaintance of mine had a private wedding with just her, her husband and their parents, and then had a big reception party. Folks were mad about that, but I couldn’t fault them for that, because it was done well.

              • AlwaysCC

                i did something similar. the reception was a month after we were married.

    • Wait. So did the people who were not invited to the reception, know there was a reception? Also, I read a blog post about someone who went to an Usher themed wedding.

  • PhlyyPhree

    I’m scheduled to be in a wedding next July….
    Right now, we’re still placing bets as to whether or not the wedding will occur, so nooooo one is thinking about the dresses, fitting into the dresses or any some such.
    The most we’ve all collectively planned out as the bridal party is that we WILL be having the bachelorette party during Mardi Gras….again, wedding or not.

    If Something-Like-A-Boo and I get serious and he becomes #BooBae, then we’re just going somewhere exotic (and by exotic, I mean somewhere at least 3 hours from DC just so we can say we’re somewhere different) putting on whatever nice things we were able to throw in the trunk and then finding the first available justice of peace. If we make it to 2 years, we’ll take a month long, world tour honeymoon and if we make it to 5? Maybe we’ll tell our folks and have a reception.

    • AlwaysCC

      i love your status titles lol i think i may start calling my husband #boobae

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