The typical first questions a woman wants to know about her friend’s new boo-thang involves a rundown of his resume. What he is (degrees, titles) seem to outweigh who he is (loving, supportive, etc). Questions like, “How does he treat you?” or “What do you feel when you’re with him?” don’t matter for some women.
Men, however, don’t do this. Maybe they focus more on other superficial things like a woman’s appearance, but her resume never factors into if he’ll date her or how his friend’s will judge her.
This quote is from “But He Works at Starbucks!” — a recent Clutch Magazine piece where the author (Patrice J. Williams) expresses a bit of angst about her new love interest’s relatively underwhelming occupation and explains that the source of much of her angst is her worrying about what her girlfriends will think about him. (Sound familiar?)
You’re probably expecting me to use these next couple paragraphs to tell another “Boy meets Girl” story where I’d talk about how short-sighted, faulty, and hypocritical it is for women to judge a man’s sexual/relationship worthiness on his status (and somehow find a way to fill my weekly “unprompted shade at Deltas” quota).
But, while I think this particular instance is an example of a woman, the author’s homegirl, being more concerned with appearances than ambition – like a few said in the comments there, a Starbucks manager could be pulling in 45-50 a year with full benefits and a chance to rise up the ladder at one of the country’s biggest companies – I don’t think it’s wrong for women to consider potential future earning power when deciding who to invite to meet Miss Sweet n Low. (Btw, “Miss Sweet n Low” is the name that I think all single women should give their vaginas. When married? “The Harvest Festival.”)
Yeah, as the author points out, it’s a double standard, but it’s a double standard that I don’t want made “equal.” I actually don’t mind the fact that we’re judged on something we have a bit of control over. Plus, let them (women) continue to worry about vague and boring shit like whether he can be a protector and provider for the children she’s never going to actually have because she waited until her 53rd birthday to get hitched, and let us (men) continue to fret about fun shit like “If we lose all of our furniture in a flood, is her booty big enough to serve as a temporary coffee table until we get the check from State Farm?”
The Starbucks situation aside, can you think of any other double standards that need to stay exactly how they are? Are you completely cool with the fact that homegirls can have adult sleepovers where they’re taking shots and snapping each other’s thongs while guys can even see movies together unless they star Paul Walker? Are you ok with the fact that “woman with a bunch of useless and stupid shit in her house” = “normal” while “man with a bunch of useless and stupid shit in his house” = “Todd Palin”?
The carpet is yours.
If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, andFighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously. Tell us and we’ll send Liz’s boobs to fix it)