Game Of Thrones Season 7, Episode 2 Recap: “Stormborn” » VSB

Featured, Pop Culture

Game Of Thrones Season 7, Episode 2 Recap: “Stormborn”

(Photo by HBO)

The stars of this week’s episode, in no particular order, are the following:

Team Mereen: a multinational corporation first established in Essos, its main product is a silver haired, flame resistant, abolitionist. Its core staff is comprised of liberated serfs and slaves, scorned nobles, lesbians, eunuchs, horsemen and dragons.

Uh oh. Team Mereen is in crisis…again. After successfully thwarting a hostile takeover by the Sons of the Harpy, Team Mereen acquired a few other outfits and seemed poised to quickly depose Cersei Lannister and hold a monopoly on the seven kingdoms. But in its haste to expand operations, Team Mereen neglected to be prudent and as a result, it sustained major losses after Euron Greyjoy and his armada managed to ambush their asses in open water. And while some manner of tragedy was sure to befall these niggas because it’s George R.R. Martin’s world, perhaps this particular catastrophe could have been avoided if they’d followed a few basic principles for running a successful business.

Rule 1: If You Lose It, Replace It

Ever worked at a company where an invaluable and cherished member of the team leaves and rather than replacing that person with someone of equal or greater value, the niggas in charge divvy up that person’s responsibilities among the remaining staff? Well essentially, that’s what the powers that be at Team Mereen did when they failed to find a suitable replacement for Ser Barristan Selmy. I don’t know how in the fuck they thought they were going to sail to Westeros and wage war with the Westerosi without a battle tested veteran of Westerosian warfare at the helm of their military operations. Tyrion is politically savvy but he’s no general.  Yara and Theon have never seen war — just petty skirmishes in which they usually either get beat the fuck up or captured. Ellaria Sand and Olenna Tyrell are just ruthless old hos who obtained and maintained their wealth and position by fucking while giving zero fucks. Greyworm may be capable of commanding the Unsullied but I doubt he has the experience to command the whole of the Team Mereen forces. And so with Jorah Mormant off at the Citadel afflicted with some malignant form of dermatitis, no one is actually qualified to navigate the clusterfuck in which they now find themselves.

Rule 2: Always Conduct Thorough Employee Background Checks

Most businesses seeking to remain profitable conduct thorough background checks before bringing on personnel. Like, did Daenerys not know what Varys was about prior to bringing him on board? She isn’t wrong to question his allegiance — Varys is shady, manipulative and disloyal. His speech about his interests being the interests of people is all well and good but that kind of shit is so subjective. If a man’s actions are governed by his interests — unless they squarely align with your own (and even that’s risky) — you are a fool to keep his ass in your employ. Right now Varys believes his own interests will be served by having Daenerys on the Iron Throne. But his opinion could change, and then what? However, a man whose actions are governed by principles (honor, loyalty, truth, etc.) can usually be trusted because no matter what he thinks about what he’s doing, his ass will fall in line. Similarly, had someone at Team Mereen done a bit of due diligence concerning Yara and Theon, surely they would have learned that Theon is the type of nigga who will get you killed. He is generally terrible and devoid of any redeeming qualities. Treachery and bitch assness comprise his psychological makeup — as such they inform all his abhorrent behavior. I knew the minute Yara uttered the words, “he is my protector” that Theon would be the cause of Yara’s demise in some way. Now Yara had a hand in her own capture (more on that below) but Theon didn’t do her any favors. He will always put himself above anyone else. He knew the only way to save Yara would be for him to fight Euron and kill him. It’s a fight he would lose and he’s not the type of nigga to die trying. Team Mereen is doomed as long as he’s on payroll.

Rule 3: Institute a Zero Tolerance Policy About Dating in the Workplace

Generally, smart people do not shit where they eat. On the rare occasion where such a practice does not create widespread dissension and messiness, the parties involved are extremely discreet and maintain a level of professional responsibility in which they do not allow said practice to impede their ability to perform their job at the highest level. And as we’ve seen this week, the prospect of pussy has driven more than one member of Team Mereen to be derelict in their duties. It is so powerful that a man with no testicles abandoned his code for a taste. It is so distracting that a warrior already in possession of one couldn’t resist the temptation of trying another’s. Both Greyworm and Yara either knew or should have known that in wartime, there’s no place romantic dalliances — they only leave you vulnerable. It starts at the top though and Daenerys hasn’t been able to check her own sexual impulses when it comes to fucking her subordinates.

Predictions: Varys’s loyalty to Team Mereen will be confronted and he’ll have to make a choice between his interests and the company’s principles. Daenerys will not sit on the Iron Throne — could this outcome be brought on by Varys’s action or inaction? Methinks if not he’s not the direct cause, he will affect this outcome indirectly. Greyworm is doomed as well. While the love he and Missandei have for one another is sweet, the realm doesn’t smile kindly on true love. This is the case even when its recipients are the most deserving of it. His weakness for Missandei will be exploited and he will perish as a result. As for Yara — I bet Euron will kill her before she even makes it to King’s Landing. If she does make it to King’s Landing, Cersei will just allow Euron to do whatever he wants with her. Ellaria and her daughter are the prizes. Cersei’s retribution is brutal and since the sand snots killed her beloved daughter, the remaining two will suffer greatly in death.

Jon Snow Stark Targaryen: King of the North. The Prince Who Was Promised. Valiant Warrior. Reluctant Ruler.

Jon Snow Stark Targaryen has earned star status for the second week in a row. Jon is the embodiment of all that is brave, noble and good. This puts him at odds with the world around him. But his humility, valor, honesty and morality still manage to inspire niggas. He’s better than my ass. I’ll admit — after Sansa’s outburst, I would have banished her to the tower until I’d dealt with all the incoming fuckery. But that’s because I can’t multitask for shit. Navigating the nonsense at large while delving into all the nuances of her insecurities and assuaging them would be impossible for me. This is why Jon is the King of North and I’m not. After Sansa’s second attempt to undermine Jon in front of the other lords, instead of punishment, Jon rewarded her with a vote of confidence by appointing her interim queen of the north while he ventures off to save the fucking day. As a result, she shut the fuck up. And while I do believe Sansa will fuck up this opportunity, I don’t think this possibility is lost on Jon. He has to know what he’s getting into. I trust he’s finagled some contingency shit off camera in the event the North devolves into disharmony and disorder during her interim reign. Speaking of disharmony, the shadiest nigga in the realm made the mistake of attempting to employ his trickery against Jon. Littlefinger runs game on niggas as a means of survival. His little ass has no other means by which he can attack or defend. But such slick talk doesn’t work on a gloomy, non-glory seeking fella like Jon. He doesn’t care for the shit worldly men covet. And while it pained me to see my boy getting choked out in the Stark’s crypt, I don’t blame Jon. Lord Baelish tried it.

Predictions: Jon and his right hand Davos will make it Dragonstone and Daenerys will be smitten with him. He seems to be into wild chicks with strong personalities, If he liked Ygritte, he’ll love Danenrys. At some point, Jon will kill Littlefinger. Littlefinger’s biggest weakness, his unhealthy preoccupation with the Stark women, will ultimately be his downfall.  He will die fucking around with Sansa Stark…in fact they might get each other killed. As for how she will comport herself during her interim reign, I’ll confess I’m not sure how this will play out. It sounds cliché to say it could go either way but…it really could. Also, Arya is on her way to Winterfell. If she arrives before Jon gets back her arrival will make shit very interesting.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Euron Greyjoy: Jaime Lannister’s competition. Theon and Yara’s uncle. Commander of the greatest armada Westeros has ever seen.

Euron Greyjoy is quickly becoming one of my favs. He like a thuggish version of Prince Oberyn. He’s a brash shit talker who tries niggas with little regard for their name or title. And most appealing — he does what the fuck he says he’s going to do. He illustrated this when he rolled up on his niece and nephew, demolished their fleet and took captive the woman responsible for the death of Cersei’s daughter. This will win him a bunch of points with her. And it’s a subtle dig at Jaime since he botched the rescue mission and Myrcella died on his watch. Well played Euron.

Nymeria Stark: Arya’s estranged direwolf. The baddest bitch in the seven kingdoms.

I can’t even with this bitch. Did you see the way she rolled up on Arya? She had her pack surround her while she approached stealthily from behind, all large and in charge and shit. I fucking love it! As soon as she realized her prey was in fact her former mistress her face softened. I was relieved; shit was tense there for a second. When Arya asked her to come with her to Winterfell, she seemed to take her time considering it. Even though Nymeria walked away, appearing to turn down Arya’s offer, I predict she’ll track her ass to the North just to keep her in her sights and make sure she is safe. There is no way she’d allow her to continue on her journey alone- dogs don’t really get down like that.

Melissandre: An ancient disciple of the Lord of Light. Possessor of a magical twat. Stannis’s old bust down. Child killer.

Melly Mel is back! This time she’s freelancing for Team Mereen. She hit the ground running convincing Daenerys to summon Jon Snow Stark Targaryen so that he can catch her up on all the spooky happenings beyond the wall. She also pretty much foreshadowed that Daenerys would not sit on the throne. All she would say is that Daenerys would have a role to play.  Even though I think Mel is super wack for killing Princess Shireen, I still kinda like having her around. And let’s face it, after the mass casualties it just suffered, Team Mereen needs to exploit every advantage available to them. Employing a witch is definitely a fucking come up. I wonder if she’ll still be lurking around Dragonstone when Davos and Jon Snow arrive and if so, can they put aside their differences long enough to collaborate on a strategy to defeat the Night’s King?

Samwell Tarley: Maester in training. Gilly’s boo. Jon Snow’s BFF. Unlikely Hero.

Finally after two seasons, Sam sees some excitement. It may appear like he’s slumming at the Citadel, but he’s done two very important things in his short time there. First, he informed Jon about the dragon glass surplus beneath Dragonstone. Second, I believe his experimental treatment saved Jorah Mormont. Jorah is going to rejoin Team Mereen, They need as many skilled commanders as they can get. Especially in light of the revelations that Samwell’s daddy might be learning toward betraying the Tyrells. Plus these niggas have every wielder in King’s Landing mass producing giant crossbows so they can kill my beloved dragons.

Carcetti Littlefinger

Carcetti Littlefinger primarily resides in beautiful Southern California where she makes a living as a developer and producer of content for television. A few of the series she’s developed and/or produced have aired on Lifetime, WEtv and Bravo. Known for her extraordinary wit and general indifference toward the things that matter to most, she has been writing since she mastered the use of a giant pencil in kindergarten.

  • MsSula

    Not reading. I need to watch it first. Planning on doing so tonight. See ya later!

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Yup

    • Cleojonz

      It’s so funny to me when people do this. If you find out some stuff, if you love the show/movie you’ll still watch it for yourself anyway lol.

      • MsSula

        I am ANTI SPOILERS on everything. I hate knowing anything before going in. This goes for books, movies, shows, anything really! Loll.

  • Val

    *Sigh* Welp, I guess I’ll do some work.

    • The first three books (and first four seasons) are really good.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    little Finger will sit the iron throne! But the first issue to deal with is Sansa. He put her up on the game, and this is how she thanks him? Need to break off some of that lemon cake.

    Ty Ty was not getting heard when The Spider was topic. Varys held his own though.

    Former player Theon keeps taking L’s, GRRM might not redeem him after all.

    Missandei though…

    • Aly

      Poor Theon. I feel bad about his PTSD, but did laugh when he jumped off the ship lol.

      • Yahmo Bethere

        I did my post-Tommen chuckle.

    • CornbreadFedDCBred

      MISSANDEI, like forreal. And I’m a woman and was like wit the head nod “alright…ok…I see you”

    • QueLoQue

      Missandei brightened up my whole week homie. Can’t nobody mess my mood up.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        I always thought she was attractive for a lite brite, I just didn’t know she was holding

        • QueLoQue

          Maaaaaan when she unbuttoned that jacket and had nothing underneath (she was ready) and you could see that little side boob. Jeezum lord mercy

    • Kim

      lmao at breaking off some of that lemon cake

    • Tam

      Little Finger it through this season. I think Sansa will be the cause of his downfall.

      • I hope so.

        “I dreamt of a maid at a feast with purple serpents in her hair, venom dripping from their fangs. And later I dreamt that maid again, slaying a savage giant in a castle built of snow.

        Some people think that GRRM is referring to Sansa and LF here..

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        she’s gonna see the light!
        *holds the door*

        • Tam

          Too soon Bruh

  • Aly

    How did Euron even know where to find Yara/Theon? Did Varys betray Dany after all? I was confused about that.

    • Betty

      I was thinking the same thing! And they were never spotted once??

      • Aly

        It seemed like a planned attack.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      They ain’t got no one in the crow’s nest?

    • QueLoQue

      Geographically, Dragonstone and King’s Landing are very close to each other. And Yara and Theon would have to pass King’s Landing to get to Dorne.

    • NomadaNare

      This was my thing

    • Johannes Booker

      His “gift” was always meant to be the Sandsnakes and Oberyn’s mistress. So he sailed toward Dorne and just waited because he knew they’d come back at some point. And most likely by sea…

      I doubt he was informed. It was just obvious were to set the trap

      • NomadaNare

        Oceans are big though

        • Yahmo Bethere

          Not the Narrow Sea or Blackwater Bay.

    • Yeah, that didn’t make a lot of sense to me. No GPS, no radar, no sonar, no aerial surveillance, no tracking devices, but he manages to find a fleet in the middle of the ocean at night and gets through the perimeter to immediately attack the ship with all the leaders.

      But it was nice to watch.

      • Aly

        Suspension of disbelief I guess.

      • Yahmo Bethere

        He knew they were at Dragonstone.

    • GenevaGirl

      Maybe they were on the flag ship making their presence easy to identify?

      Also, how did he build all of those ships so quickly? And bigger and better than the ships Yara took?

    • Ms. Odessa

      He knew because he probably has scouts all over thr seas. He’s pretty connected.

  • Queen@

    A few thoughts:

    – Sam is an unappreciated hero. First he finds a way to kill the White Walkers. AND The way he scraped that man like burnt toast to save his life is honorable.

    – The North is petty as fuck. Like, you have real life Winter thriving monsters coming after you and your saving grace is on the island of the Mother Dragon, but you talking about some beef that happened decades ago? It’s like the auntie who don’t let you play with your cousins because your daddy owe her a pack of Newports and $20 from 1988.

    – I’m REALLY surprised Greyworm knew what to do with that tongue. I thought the Unsullied were kept from the pleasures of women since birth. So he either watched his previous masters get down or he’s been reading raven intercepts (Thrones version of chexting).

    – I don’t blame Theon for bailing. Like, unc has you knife to throat surrounded by hinch men. Fuck honor. I’m choosing life.

    – Sansa is really big sis. Jon specifically asked her not to question his authority in public. She’s like fucked that, I’m the big sis and I say what I want when I want.

    – Dorne deserved to die. They killed off lil girl Lannister. Kid killers gotta go.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      That treatment needed some ointment or something. Scraping scabs can not be the cure

      • Queen@

        First you scrape then you put the medicine. I bet it burns like hedoublehockeysticks. Like alcohol… real vodka.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          No milk of the puppy either?

          *poppy

          • Alicia Wilson

            Nope

          • CozyVon

            That’s what I was saying! Like, “Damn, can he at least get a little nice off that poppy milk before you start scraping him like a lottery ticket???”

          • Yahmo Bethere

            The amount of poppy milk that would take would put Jorah down for good.

      • Yahmo Bethere

        Ointment in a bowl! He had a tray full of stuff!! Watch again.

    • NomadaNare

      RE Greyworm

      Is it not obvious

    • True! But Jon is older than Sansa..😃

      • Minervawlewis


        my buddy’s mother in law makes $78 an hour at home and she’s been out of a job for 2 months.. the previous month her income was $15731 just working on the internet four hours each day,? go ?to ?this link
        ???http://www.GoogleFinancialCashJobs324MarketHouse/Home/Wage….
        ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::ss34

    • Tam

      The Night’s watch was supposed to stay away from women too, but many frequented the ladies at Moles Town brothels . I agree with you on the Theon issue, he suffered from PTSD and it is not like it goes away over night. Euron in a lot of ways is reminiscent of Ramsay. Nah the Dornish storyline was muddled and it was a convenient way of tying it up. Myrcella was payback for Cersei and Tywin’s action not only with Oberyn but Elia Martell and her children.

    • Sansa’s younger than Jon so… she’s being playing brash younger sister.

    • Ms. Odessa

      I’m pretty sure that the unsullied were in them brothels in Mereen. They often “hugged up” on the ladies of the night for affection and comfort. But you know, comfort comes in many ways! I’m sure he learned a thing or two. Plus, good instincts in battle could make for good instincts overall! Maybe he just knew what to do.

  • Betty

    Dany is out. She gon die. She should have listened to the old lady instead of Tyrion (taking Casterly Rock is some institutional knowledge stuff Dany doesn’t even know about). Lady Olenna is out. She gon die. Arya will reach Winterfell after Jon leaves and will have to deal with Sansa. Sad.

    • Queen@

      Ty is serving her well as hand to the Queen. That institutional knowledge is what’s needed. He is the waling history and strategy. Lady O is on some, “let’s kill this bih right now for killing my granddaughter.” I get it. But revenge is best served lukewarm. The Ty and Jamie reunion is going to be epic.

      • Betty

        No, he wants to take Casterly Rock because his father said he would never have it. She doesn’t know that sore spot. If she had taken Kings Landing and killed Cersei everyone would’ve fallen in line exactly as Olenna said. Half of the men weren’t behind Cersei anyway.

        • Queen@

          But isn’t CR where all of the other Lannisters and adjacents are? If I’m remembering right, House Lannister is there and is who has been financing King’s Landing. You gotta remember, Jamie and Cersei aren’t the last Lannisters. A few have trickled in and out over the seasons. Taking it give Dany immediate wealth and wealth equals more Power.

          • Cleojonz

            Wasn’t House Lannister broke though? That was the reason for the Tyrell Alliances, why Cersie was suppose to marry Sir Laurence and Margaery Joffrey then Tommen. Remember Olenna talking about supporting them when the weddings were being planned? How do they get money now Cersie killed their father too? and Olenna sure aren’t bankrolling them.

            • orchid921

              IIRC, the Iron Bank of Braavos is funding them right now … which is very bad news for Cersei is she doesn’t pay them back. They like to punish deadbeats by throwing money at their enemies. I think that might come up big time this season.

              • Cleojonz

                Okay this makes sense that would factor in, something as mundane as money throwing a monkey wrench in Cersei’s plans.

            • Epsilonicus

              House Lannister is broke. Westeros has been borrowing money from the Iron Bank ion Braavos

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        Is the two prong attack about splitting up Jaime and Cersei?

    • Kim

      Arya is going to slice Little Finger up something nice.

    • NomadaNare

      I think Danys advisors are right with respect to attacking Kings Landing head on

      Real talk neither Tara and her faction of the iron born nor the Dornish are really needed anymore with respect to siege on Westeros (even though it would have been nice) because at the end of the day unless Eurons ships can hit dragons theyre toast

      Push come to shove Dany can always unleash the Dothraki if she ever needs to and the Unsullied are still crashing Casterly Rock

      Furthermore Lady Olennas advice sounds clever I guess but are we really going to act like the rest of her offspring didnt get iced last season

      • Charlotte

        So question. When things like that happen (all offspring are killed) how does the House go on? Does power transfer to the second cousin once removed or is the House up to be conquered by anyone who can take it? Or does the King or Queen give it to another family like Winterfell?

        • QueLoQue

          Normally there’s a power struggle to see who ends up taking that house’s place. That’s why Sam’s daddy is siding with the Lannisters even though he served under the Tyrells, he wants to be top dog in the Reach.

        • NomadaNare

          Thats a really good question

          All three possibilities seem plausible

        • orchid921

          That’s an excellent question, but I’m 95% sure that we haven’t met all of the Tyrells yet — on the show, anyway. According to the books, Margery and Loras have another brother at Highgarden. Olenna was trying to arrange an engagement between him and Sansa, but Cersei and Joffrey decided to marry her off to Tyrion before it could happen.

          • Charlotte

            See. This is what I get for not reading the books. I tried, but I just couldn’t get in to it. It was too wordy and I had a hard time imagining the scenes/characters. Maybe after the show is over I will try again.

        • Sometimes a House doesn’t go on. It’s a wrap. Tywin Lannister “made his bones” so to speak by completely eliminating, man, woman and child, every member of two Houses who refused to pay debts to and rebelled against the Lannisters.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    And they couldn’t send raven about Bran?

    • Simms~

      My sentiment exactly. A million and one ravens and not a single one saying “yo, your bro just showed up here on a sled”.

      • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

        i’m LITERALLY dying at my desk right now ????

      • Ms. Odessa

        Agreed.

    • I don’t think anyone is left alive to tend to the ravens (no Maesters)- or trained in how to send them.

      • Toya

        Plus can any of them read or write? I know that was part of the reason why Sam was going to be a Maester in the first place.

        • Yup, book learning is for rich folk – not the mostly poor masses that make up the majority of the Night’s Watch.

  • Beth_y
    • Cleojonz

      That’s not them that’s the sand snake sisters. I believe Ellaria and Yara will be the presents Euron was talking about.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      I think I saw this episode over the weekend. My friends are trying to get me into GOT.

      • PDL….HE still working on me

        YES!

        • Michelle is my First Lady

          Without any context, I thought it was a bit violent. Those men were beating up the women like they stole something. lol

          • PDL….HE still working on me

            Yeah it can be brutal

          • Tam

            The sandsnakes will kill a man and not blink an eye

    • Tam

      Yara is not dead. It is the two Sand Snakes – Obara and Nymeria. Yara will be a part of Cersei’s gift

    • PDL….HE still working on me

      Yara and the ruthless Dornish woman were taken captive by Euron

  • Hold your applause. I finally put Carcetti Littlefinger together.

    • Queen@

      You about one article too late. Lol

      • progress is progress

      • L8Comer

        more like a year plus. Carcetti Littlefinger was doing recaps last year too.

  • PDL….HE still working on me

    I thought Oleanna was killed in the explosion?!?!

    • Aly

      I think Cersei tried to convince her to stay in King’s Landing, but she left before the explosion.

      • Kim

        Her granddaughter Margaery convinced her to leave Kings Landing before the trial because the High Sparrow was going to come after her next. I love Lady Olenna.

        • Aly

          Ah, ok. It’s hard to remember all the details from a season ago. I love Lady Olenna, too!

      • PDL….HE still working on me

        Aha, okay thanks! I was totally confused when I saw her at the meeting.

    • Tam

      She was advised to leave before the explosion by Margery if I remember correctly

      • PDL….HE still working on me

        Okay….I might have to go back.

        • Yahmo Bethere

          Margery slipped her a note and urged her back to Highgarden.

          • PDL….HE still working on me

            Ahaaaa!!! I remember that. Ooookay noooow I remember. Thanks for that!

More Like This