Last week, a story began floating around that a woman in Japan requested a divorce from her husband because he doesn’t think the movie Frozen is that great. I have no clue if this story is true or not. I kind of hope it is, not because I hate love and marriage, but because it would just be the most awesomely ridiculous reason to get a divorce ever.
The root word of awesomely ridiculous is awesome. And I like awesome. Awesome is awesome.
But let’s assume that it’s true. Because it makes me happy. Assuming it’s true, that is a terrible reason to request a divorce. Mainly because he’s right, Frozen really isn’t that good. Trust me, I should know. I’ve seen this movie probably a (literal) hundred times. I get why kids love it but it is not great. After watching it a bazillion times though, I definitely have come to enjoy it. This is also how I end up loving terrible music. I just listen to it over and over and then my mind tells me it’s good. I’m currently listening to Ke$ha’s song “Die Young” and you cannot convince me its not a great song. I’m impressionable.
All that to say, your significant other not liking Frozen isn’t a good reason to divorce/breakup. However, there are definitely movies you can kick a SO to the curb over and would have my full understanding and blessing. Such as? Such as.
1. Forrest Gump
If your SO doesn’t like Forrest Gump its entirely possible that they don’t have a soul. And you need to be with a person with a soul. It’s science. Trust me, I’m a blogger.
2. The Lion King
If somebody looks you in your eyes and says with their whole heart that they don’t like The Lion King, there’s a better than 20 percent chance that they may murder you and who wants to date somebody who may murder you? I don’t. But that’s just me. I’ve got no evidence to back this up but I’m pretty sure it’s true. Plus, who doesn’t love a movie about child cats unless they’re evil anyway? Exactly.
3. The Sound of Music
Real talk, b…if my boo doesn’t get down with Maria, she ain’t gettin’ down with me. And that’s just #facts. Dig? Nobody solves a problem like Maria, b. Nobody.
4. The Princess Bride
I don’t even know what I’d do if a woman I was into straight up told me she did not f*ck with The Princess Bride. I’ve shared my youthful enthusiasm for this movie before. Also, I’m judging if she doesn’t KNOW it exists because that’s her parents fault, and I can’t date a chick with parents who don’t value education. Also, if she doesn’t know the greatest quote in the history of ever I can’t bang with her.
Speaking of said quote, I realized on Friday that I use the word wanton wrong, like, every single time I use it. I keep using that word. It doesn’t mean what I thought it meant. So if I’ve used the word wanton around you and you ain’t check me…I’m guessing you prolly don’t know what it means either, but because I used it with such confidence you assumed it was used properly. I’m sorry. Thank you and good night.
5. Malcolm X
You’ve got one of the greatest songs ever sung by a red-headed white girl in “It’s A Hard Knock Life”…that should be enough to get it over the hump…but if they don’t bang with lil’ orphan Annie then it means they don’t bang with orphans who come up. And that’s just not cool, yo.
I love lamp. You love lamp. But what if your boo doesn’t love lamp? Then they don’t love you. And those who don’t love lamps ain’t loyal.
I’ll stop there. Because stop.
What say you? Frozen ain’t a good reason to superman a *CENSORED*, but what would be to you? Ya know, assuming that a movie could do it in the first place.
(Beeteedubs, the remix to the ASAP Ferg song “Shabba Ranks” featuring Shabba Ranks is pure heat. I love that joint. You’re welcome.)
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. 8 GOLD RINGS LIKE I’M SHA-SHABBA RANKS aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3