Four Simple And Practical Things Black People Can Do So White People Won’t Be So Gotdamn Fucking Scared Of Us » VSB

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Four Simple And Practical Things Black People Can Do So White People Won’t Be So Gotdamn Fucking Scared Of Us

Tulsa, Okla., Police Department

 

Yesterday, footage was released of 40-year-old Terence Crutcher getting shot and killed by Betty Shelby, a Tulsa police officer. Crutcher appeared to have his hands up, was unarmed, and, from the multiple camera angles made available to the public, didn’t appear to be any sort of a threat. Yet, that didn’t prevent him from getting executed by Shelby. Shot down in the street like a fucking rabid raccoon.

Perhaps the most telling aspect of the footage wasn’t the video, but the audio from the footage taken from a police helicopter. Because it is here you can hear an officer express that Crutcher — who again was unarmed, had his hands up, and didn’t appear to be doing or saying anything remotely threatening — “looks like a bad dude.” It’s a sentiment similar to what Darren Wilson expressed when he shot and killed Michael Brown, claiming that the bullets seemed to make Brown grow bigger and stronger and angrier, like some sort of VantaBlack Popeye. It also reminds me of what George Zimmerman said about Trayvon Martin. And what the Cleveland police officers who ambushed, shot, and killed 12-year-old Tamir Rice said. And what Michael Dunn claimed caused him to fire a gun indiscriminately into a car at a gas station, killing Jordan Davis. And what our preferred choice for president alluded to 20 years ago when she referenced “Superpredators.”

We can continue to protest during the anthem to draw attention to racism and police brutality. And we can continue to demand better and more efficient training for police officers, as well as more accountability for their misdeeds. But while those acts will surely make a difference, as long as the type of White people to be scared to fucking death of us continue to be so scared and so unimpressed with our humanity that the first instinct when engaged in any type of misunderstanding or squabble with us is “Kill it!”, this will continue to happen.

Which leads me to the million-dollar question: What can we do to prevent them from being so gotdamn fucking scared of us? I don’t have any concrete solutions. But I do have some theories.

1. Adopt puppies, and carry them everywhere

If you were to make a Venn diagram with “the type of people to be scared to fucking death of Black people” and “the type of people to value the lives of dogs over the lives of Black people” there’d be a ton of overlap. A shitload of overlap. Which is why it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world for every Black person in America to hit up the Animal Rescue League today, adopt an orphan puppy, and carry that puppy…everywhere. In the car. On the bus. With a ball. To the mall. They want open carry states? Fine! We’ll turn every state into an open puppy carry state. Imagine the confusion on their faces. “He’s Black so I’m naturally predisposed to shoot him BUT OMG LOOK AT THAT PUPPY!!!!”

And for those doubting the practicality and application of this plan, consider this: Black people have been arrested, shot, and killed by the police for everything from “standing while Black” to “laughing on a wine train while Black.” But I’ve yet to hear of a Black person shot for “being neck-nuzzled by a cute-ass Corgi puppy while Black.”

2. Start frequenting tanning salons

We’ve seen the browning — and, in Donald Trump’s case, the Cheetoing — caused by tanning beds. And I’ve yet to hear about a just tanned, extra crispy White person shot by a police officer who assumed they were Black. So maybe it’s not just the brown skin that makes them so gotdamn fucking scared of us. Maybe it’s the type of brown skin. Maybe if we added that extra layer of gloss and sheen we’d be less scary. We’d also be real life Instagram Ludwig filters grown sentient, but I’d rather be that than dead any day.

3. Stop using so much damn seasoning on our meats

For years, we (Black people) have chided (some) White people for not being particularly generous with the seasonings used to prepare various meats. Hell hath no fury like a Black person forced to eat unseasoned soft wing dings at a company potluck. But maybe they’re on to something. Maybe Old Bay is the secret ingredient that, in their eyes, turns Black people from “people” to “motherfucking Sasquatch.” Maybe, just maybe, the destitute seasoning and poverty meat preparedness is their way of saving us from themselves.

4. Move into the same neighborhoods as the people who are so gotdamn fucking scared of us. Buy the most powerful wifi connection you can for your house. Then label the network “Your Black-Ass Neighbor” and leave it open for anyone to use. 

Because, even if you’re scared to fucking death of him, you do not shoot and kill the free wifi guy.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Slimnupe

    Clinton, in her speech, does not directly label African-American youth as Superpredators. Just saying. Otherwise, good read.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Yup, good white folks imply. Bad white folks are direct.

      • Freebird

        Liken she implied that Obama was not a citizen 8 years ago. But hey…. I’m with her.

      • Slimnupe

        Go read the entire speech.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          For what? We lived her speech. Big difference.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          “We also have to have an organized effort against gangs, just as in a
          previous generation we had an organized effort against the mob. We need
          to take these people on, they are often connected to big drug cartels.
          They are not just gangs of kids anymore. They are often the kind of
          kids called “super-predators”- no conscious, no empathy. We can talk
          about why they ended up that way, but first we have got to bring them to
          heel.”

          Don’t take Thurgood Marshall to not see the plain meaning here.

          • Amber

            “bring them to heel” more than the super predators always bothered me.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              Black folks can’t stay woke and stay sane. She described herself as a Goldwater girl.

              Trump is the bad cop, Clinton is the good one.

              They’re both still cops.

          • King Beauregard

            The plain meaning there is that there are bad kids in gangs. If you want to say that all black kids are in gangs, that’s on you, not on Hillary.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              He’s not saying that. But since you did…..guess what we know now?

              • King Beauregard

                You can read it that way, I mean if you’re not interested in meanings and things. But Hillary was talking about kids in gangs, and not about kids NOT in gangs. That’s rather an important distinction, or at least I think it is.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              The good whites imply ..

              • King Beauregard

                And when they do, I’m all for calling them on it.

                In this case, Hillary is explicit that she’s talking specifically about kids in gangs. I’m not about to ignore that just because it because a juicier sound bite if I pretend she didn’t say it.

                Now if you want, you can ding her for being dismissive of the socio-economic conditions that might drive kids to join gangs; that’s a fair criticism. But claiming that she was talking about all black kids is a lie.

  • Freebird

    As a black man with black male friends and family with black male sons I can’t laugh or find anything light-hearted to say about any of this.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      You have to laugh. In a way it’s almost ridiculous.

      I take that back. It is ridiculous.

      There is NOTHING WE CAN DO. NOTHING. Their fear and hatred overrides every law of commonality. We can’t fix that.

      I’m not going to live my life in fear for me and my loved ones over ideology. It’s not right. It’s not fair.

      I WILL NOT BE DENIED. You should not be denied. Your sons should not be denied. Your friends should not be denied.

      I don’t plan on dying today, tomorrow, or any other day until after I spent enough time tell them to suck my entire ____.

      So find the humor in this sir if for no reason at all other than life is too short, we are too beautiful, and our presence is too great.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        If this was Israel

        PLO Style
        – Buy gunz
        – Get trained, keep practicing, stay sharp
        – Don’t stop
        – Shoot first, don’t miss

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Could you imagine if we did that tomorrow?

          We’d be more rare than green milkshakes at McDonalds in a week.

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            It’s why most people have never heard of El Rukn.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              You going too deep now.

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Real rap, they do not want us to participate in their society. Not education, not jobs, not socially, etc

                Oblige them

                Plant a garden is what I say.
                It’s what our elders did.

                Try our best to wean ourselves off of their system

          • Maestro G

            (One year later) – 2520 child runs home. “Mom! Guess what, You won’t believe it. I just saw…a Black man! I thought they were extinct!!”)

        • TheCollinB

          When this isn’t a viable option what else do we do though?

          • Brooklyn_Bruin

            Ghana

    • miss t-lee

      Yeah, I’m here with you today.

    • TheCollinB

      I’m with you on this one. Everytime I’ve tried to comment it’s felt contrived because there really ain’t shyt funny at this time. I imagine Crutcher thinking to himself all the stories he’s seen or heard about over the last two years since black men dying has become click bait for most news sources (which is another conversation). Him hands in the air, feeling the taser, feeling the shot and maybe thinking/realizing he’s the next story people will be clicking on in the morning.

      And it could be any of us, any day, any time. What would I do if they did this to my babies? What do my babies do if they do this to me?

      • Amber

        I didn’t watch the video but I did think about Crutcher’s thoughts in his final moments then I felt sick.

        • TheCollinB

          It’s all I think about with these situations. These moments we discuss with people like us, the feelings we have and the thought of “this is happening to me now?” I legit wanna cry everytime it happens because it’s so unfair but this is not about fairness.

        • THATS the part that got me. I was thinking, “does he know?”…is he expecting it?”
          I got nauseous.

      • Freebird

        It’s not healthy making jokes about this. Not any more. We’ve been making jokes for generations. Comic geniuses have made jokes for us to laugh at….how mentally healthy were they though?

        I still laugh and smile and love, but my possible death or the deaths of one of my black male folk at the hands of one of these anti heroes does not provide a chuckle.

    • Deeds

      Understood, It also slightly stung me a little bit more, cuz he looks just like an uncle of mine. But yea, hard to be lighthearted about this stuff.

      • MSNY

        just like my cousin

    • Chazz A

      Agreed. As a black man, with black brothers, a black son and black nephews, who lost a black relative at the hands of undercover cops, I don’t see any humor in this at all! The brother was no threat to anyone and was still gunned down!
      There is a vicious element of hatred that I consider an eminent threat to all black men in this country and I refer to it as “the elephant in the blue uniform in the room.”

      • Cheech

        I’m sorry about your relative.

        • Chazz A

          Thank you.

      • shayna61

        My deepest condolences Chazz. ?

        • Chazz A

          Thank you Shayna, I appreciate it.

  • Stanley

    Dressing up as a warewolf might help us avoid getting shot as well. Its a working theory

    • Adrienne_in_MTown

      Yes, it is.

    • They’d only buy silver bullets, so…

      • grownandsexy2

        LOL!!

      • Tambra

        And what makes you think that will stop them. The price of silver will shoot up exponentially or be lowered so that silver bullets be massed produced.

  • BerkeleyRunner

    Just need to step in about the puppy thing. As a white person, I witnessed the following in a train station:

    White woman near me sees young black man walking corgi, turns to me: “Do you think that’s his dog?”
    Me: “Uh, what?”
    Woman: “You think that’s his? As in, he didn’t take it?”
    Me: “Yeah. That’s his dog. Whyever would you say that’s not his dog?”
    Woman: “Oh, nevermind.”
    Me: “No really, is it that he’s supposed to be walking a pitbull instead of a corgi?”
    (Woman hurries away)

    So yeah, watch out with the cute puppies. Someone might call the cops on you thinking it’s not your dog because only suburban non-black people are “allowed” to have corgis.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Seen that before, but those t w a t s never walked through the hood, because then they’d realize real gangtas walk their yorkies at 5:30 am.

      • Christina K

        lmao

      • Junegirl627

        Yo i’m picking up a shiba inu while in Florida this week. so i better get my will in order.

        • NCDancer

          OT but best dog ever. I had one for 16 years. And yes, get ready for the stares. Black people can’t have exotic purebreds.

        • Mochasister

          Please upload pictures!

          • Junegirl627

            Just got back from a pretty epic trip to miami to pick up the dog and found out the people decided to keep him.

            • Mochasister

              Rat face b*******!

            • NCDancer

              Oh, that sucks! I am sorry!

      • The smaller the dog, the more dangerous the dude. Mr. Man trains with a 70 y.o. man who carries a white teacup something or other and dresses her up in outfits. He can put you in a wheelchair with his big toe and a stern look.

        • NomadaNare

          X_X

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I can envision all of this and it sounds great to me.

        • Kenton Campbell

          So we should all get adorable pit bulls . I mean that’s worked out so well before…

        • sweetlou86

          Did the internet already forget about Carl, who punched a fucking bear to save his tiny chihuahua? http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/this-old-motherfucker-named-carl-punched-the-shit-out-o-1701258332

          • OMG. Carl is a MFing badazz!

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      • Shawntay Nomesayin

        I am getting upset about all these cops deleting NlGGERS. Sp00k lives DO matter…you make great foot rests.

        http://s12.postimg.org/ak5xhfbgd/above_them_02.jpg

    • TheCollinB

      fuck man, n*ggas can’t even own corgis without being questioned on the low?!

      • Junegirl627

        if your dog can be seen in the westminster dog show you’s a SUS Ni@@a

        • Ctfu..
          I better start following that show

        • Other_guy13

          I have a German Sheppard and am FAR from suspect miss…just saying

          • Tambra

            Note to self, be nice to OG from now on.

            • Other_guy13

              She really a sweatheart…just don’t come to the door unannounced or be a JW on Saturday morning (no shade just saying…she don’t f wit everyone)

              • Tambra

                JW need love too, though I ignore them. I do not trust dogs, well I am petrified of dogs, but I do not loathe as much as I do cats.

                • Other_guy13

                  Cats are evil vengeful creatures

                  • Tambra

                    They are the devil’s handmaidens

                    • Other_guy13

                      I hate them

                  • Conrad Bess
                    • Other_guy13

                      Evil

                  • geniuschef

                    I used to think that also! Until I ended up with one( funny how not many people go looking for cats) He plays fetch, opens doors begs for chicken and steak, and sits on command. I’ve only ever had dogs in my life, so I guess I ended up with a dogcat.

                  • Mochasister

                    High five fellow dog lover!

                • Stupid me, trynna speed read. I saw “loathe”, thought that shif said “bathe”..
                  #bruhneedglasses

                  • Cheech

                    Presbyopia is real.

          • LadyJay?

            Noiiiiiiiice!!! How old?

            • Junegirl627

              6 month puppy

              • Other_guy13

                Fun stages…good luck after year 2

            • Other_guy13

              5 years old and getting dumber everyday lol

          • Junegirl627

            I’m about to pick up a shiba inu.. I know, lol. I’m just saying that you obviously no “gangstah” if you don’t got a pit or a rock.

            • Other_guy13

              Raven will f someone up if they get too close….my next dog will be a Doberman…I hate pits and Rottweilers although beautiful annoy me.

              • Conrad Bess

                Respect. Got a mini schnauzer (wife’s choice). Was never a dog lover, but he grew on me. When he passes, I intend to have input on the next one. Wife says shelter dog, but if we go pure breed, Doberman is my choice.

                • Other_guy13

                  Bruhhh…get you a Australian shepherd or Rhodesian Ridgeback…some of the cooles dogs ever. I had an Australian before but someone stole him…R.I.P. MAX….that dog was awesome. Only bring these up if she says no to the Doberman….cuz they dope too.

                  • Gibbous

                    Be ready to WORK with an Australian shepherd or Rhodesian Ridgeback. Australian Shepherd requires constant stimulation or they’ll tear your house up. You have to train it and work it’s brain allatime!

                    RR – runs. If you’re a marathoner, this is the dog for you.

                    • Other_guy13

                      I do about 3-5 miles a day so i’m okay with both

                    • Gail

                      My grandma had a rodesian. It was the size of a pony. And had the strength of several lions and was kept on an industrial chain link. Powerful powerful dogs. Stood 6’5 when it got on its hind legs. That’s a real guard dog.

                    • Gibbous

                      Yikes!

                    • Mochasister

                      Oh, my damn!

                    • BerkeleyRunner

                      Can attest. RR = great for runs. Does not stop. Whips you into shape. Does not approve of you NOT running or rest days. Is most difficult to please personal trainer on planet.

                    • Gibbous

                      That’s why I don’t have one. I love my rest days too much.

                  • Betty’s Babygirl

                    I have a 12yr old male Australian Shepherd. He’s blue-marled. Essentially a silvery bluish color. Australian Shepherds are smart as heck! They’re loyal, loving and go with the flow type of dogs. I’ve had a red Doberman, German Shepherd and a Rottweiler. Dogs take on the temperament of the household.

                • Gibbous

                  I love my shelter dog! Wanted a sturdy mixed breed, and that’s what I got. The interview at the SPCA though. I’ve had job interviews that were not that thorough. It must have worked ’cause were six years in.

                  • Conrad Bess

                    I’m dreading that interview.
                    Makes you question HOW. IN. THE. FU. CK. do these officers get hired, when you have to come in for second and third interviews to determine if YOU are the right match for Snookums the sheepdog with the bad case of gas.

                    • Gibbous

                      IKR?!?

                    • SororSalsa

                      I had to have 3 home visits. I started to wonder if I was adopting a baby instead of a dog!

                    • Mochasister

                      That’s ridiculous!

                • I.r. Pale

                  If you have kids, better take a rottweiler – dobs are a tad nervous around small kids.

                  • Conrad Bess

                    Thanks for that info!

                • Dobies are the best. When ours passed, I wanted another one, but the fam wanted a German Shepherd. Who I like now more than at least one of my kids…

                  • geniuschef

                    Shepherds are awesome! When I was growing up my mom had 2. She’d walk them in our local park. The kids would yell to her ” there goes 5.0″ I’m sure they were only half kidding.

          • I wanna a Shep sooo bad. Smart, loyal, beautiful. Alas, landlord is having none of it.

            • Other_guy13

              Yea…Apartments don’t do them so she with the parents for now. I weekend visitation for now lol

          • Mochasister

            Lucky duck! German Shepherds are beautiful and so smart!

        • I’m afraid of dogs and will likely never own one. That said I’m thinking HUH?

        • Slim

          Guess I’m SUS. Thanksgiving tradition of watching the National Dog Show then Westminster in February. My dogs got papers!

    • Kas

      What in all the fucks

      • BerkeleyRunner

        My reaction exactly. It was clearly his dog. Full stop.
        But I guess being a white female means I’m supposed to be concerned for corgi welfare. Maybe I need Becky classes/goggles.

    • Deeds

      WTH!! Why didn’t she keep that to herself?

      • BerkeleyRunner

        Because I’m white and she felt she could confide in me I guess. Or maybe she wanted to enlist my help in saving the poor sweet corgi from the scary young black man.

        • op

          or maybe you are one of those white people that make things up to impress blacks

          • rahshedah

            Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh snap.

          • rahshedah

            I wonder if this is how trolls evolve?

      • Blueberry01

        Because they never do…

    • LogicalLeopard

      *LOL* Shame, but true!

    • (Wanted to get a corgi…. now plans to get an American (Scott) Bulldog puppy)
      hashtag shrugs

      • Yay Radley

        Go with the Corgi. Top Ten puppy hugs.

    • Cheech

      FFS.

    • You made my afternoon. Thank you. LOL

    • Glo

      Everything about this is terrible. We can’t have corgis now?

      Also, wouldn’t the dog be trying to get away if it had been stolen? I don’t understand seeing a calm dog walking with a person and automatically assuming that the dog has been stolen.

      • BerkeleyRunner

        Please, more corgis. This week, this year, this country needs a lot more corgis.

        And yeah, lady was nuts. That said, some dogs I’ve worked with are friendly to anybody. Still, she was deluded.

    • Yay Radley

      I have a corgi/Schipperke hybrid (cuz it’s only a mutt when they’re not name brand). Tell her to kiss my black a$$.

      • BerkeleyRunner

        Your dog must be the cutest thing on earth: I envy you. I hope you lovingly walk that dog in front of many, many women just like her so their eyes bug out with both horror and the cuteness.

    • Hugh Akston

      ehh; that’s how most yt folks view most black folks…that woman is what many good yt folks think when they see a black person in a nice car, nice house, etc etc…that lady is what many of us already know of yt america…no surprise there..

      • BerkeleyRunner

        Yeah, I get it’s no surprise. But, as a member of the white folks contingent you’re referring to, I did want to address Damon’s corgi puppy comment because of my experience with a lady who thought I might “get” it.

        Short of wearing business casual at all times while holding a baby panda in one arm and a copy of a magazine talking about #Brangelinagate2016, I doubt delusional women like that one would be swayed. Which is why “4 practical things” are so impractical. Nothing’s practical with the delusional.

        Please get all the corgis y’all want and I wish you all well. I’m going to take my white rear end out of your black forum now.

        • Hugh Akston

          Welp if you are admitting that’s how you view blck folks that’s no fault of mine and that’s up to you to fix that view

          In nowhere in my comment did I address you specifically but again if you are in that group that’s your problem

          Yes they are impractical because as I’ve stated most yt folks view black folks in a bad light regardless of our clothes actions on a daily life in us

          I hate dogs but I love cats and I still have no idea what a corgi is

          And it isn’t my forum I’m a commenter like you

          Your post is the best one rated in this post so if you find my comment to be somewhat disagreeable and insulting to you…well again not my problem..

          • BerkeleyRunner

            Oh no, not insulted at all! Just respectfully bowing out because it’s not really my business, as a white person, to talk about black issues.

            Other than to tell you that hey, lots of white people (hopefully not me though) are delusional and good luck with any possible way to fix that. White people like pandas though. I’m pretty certain on that one. That and Brangelina.

            • Hugh Akston

              ….you’re free to do as you wish

              Lol fix? Yt folks? Nah I’ll live that up to Tim wise and the good yt folks…I already have my bag pack just counting down till I go galt from this country..I mean look who half of if not more than half of yt voters are supporting? Lol

              The article as I read it was a tongue in cheek to lighten up a bit..but I can be wrong

              Pandas huh good for them

              • haha

                till I go galt from this country
                so long bit##

        • pamplemousse00

          I was once in business professional at Target on my lunch break and a white lady snapped at me to get my attention to help her with something. She “thought I worked there” — so even dressing well won’t help

          • Okitech623

            Story of my life. Has happened several times to me while in Best Buy and Target.

            • Mochasister

              That’s why I always ask if someone works there before I ask for help. Especially if the person is a poc. I don’t want to just assume the person is just put there to serve me.

    • justtwo post

      Just like me when I see white people with black children. What we need to start doing is going IS THAT YOUR CHILD? WHO’S CHILD IS THIS? LITTLE BOY/GIRL ARE THESE PEOPLE HURTING YOU?
      Also please tell your friend to kick rocks.

    • CozyVon

      An addendum to #1: Wear dog costumes every time we go out in public. If we trick them into thinking we’re actually canines, maybe THEN we’ll be safe… :-/

    • Kas

      Just reread this and laughed all over again. Thanks, I really needed the laugh,

  • cakes_and_pies
  • Cleojonz

    Repost from the Blue Lives Matter post:

    So angry this morning I’m in tears. I don’t want to blame all police
    but seriously eff the police. We are going to have a weekly death of a
    black person at the hands of police now? Why are you shooting someone
    with their hands up??? That effin terrorist managed to only get shot in
    the leg!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!

    RIP Terence Crutcher.

    • Unfortunately, that seems to be the trend. Trickle down extinction….

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      They needed a trophy which is why they kept him alive.

      Although I refuse to believe anything the news said about this man, this plot or those bombs. There’s something way off about the entire story and I’m not going along with it for a second.

    • JusticeNotServed

      created a disqus account today just so i can troll that blue lives matter website

      • fedup

        I approve of this tactic, cause the Breitbart brigade has NO problems fanning out to troll every Black space imaginable.

  • Stanley

    Print out a full color photo of Jan Banae Ramsey, and wear it as a necklace. Wear a shirt that say’s I <3 Mayonaise

    • Amber

      Nope cause they’d think you were the killer.

  • Or be a slightly hot vampire…
    Or be from the House of Gryffindor & know how to effectly play Quidditch.

    You know they love vampires, harry potter and shi

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      There’s never been a hot Black vampire which by itself is quite insulting.

      Harry Potter did not rock with Black folks at his school and I’m mad, especially because you had to pass through the hood to get to the train station.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        Remember when that one minor minor HP dude turned out to be black (maybe he was dating Ginny Weasley — don’t @me) and Potterheads freaked?

        worse than the Hunger Games fiasco.

        • Janelle S

          The Hunger Games thing was readers completely missing that the character was black in the first place. The Harry Potter mess was a character who had no explicit race being made black. Different types of outrage.

          But when a Harry Potter character who had been played by a black girl in one movie was recast in a later one as white (when it was time for her to speak on-screen)? Crickets.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            But then when a Black woman is hired to play Hermoine in the Harry Potter play?

            Aint enough guns to drown out that sound of b i t c h i n g.

            JK Rowlings herself had to shut the nonsense down.

            • Janelle S

              +1

              • More people are exposed to Hollywood movies than Broadway theater. Representation matters on all fronts.

                • Janelle S

                  Fair, but I’m pretty confident that Hamilton is popular enough to compete. I’m going to guess more people have listened to the cast recording in the last year than saw Jupiter Ascending in the theater.

                  Regardless, if the biggest show on Broadway can have a black George Washington for almost two years with little sturm and drang, it’s dumb for folks to fall over themselves over a black Hermione.

            • Epsilonicus

              I feel like if you can suspend enough belief for Harry to make stags appear out his wand, Hermione being Black should not be that big of a deal.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                It’s make believe and these people STILL make it about them.

        • Cleojonz

          There were always people described as black in the books including that character, people just don’t pay attention.

      • Eddie Murphy doesn’t count…
        vampire in Brooklyn with a blow out – nah. If her woulda had a Caesar I could’ve half way believable…

        What about the token black boy in Potter ????https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1eceadeba0596e18e437b64fc55286f94c3b0e3be983d84f27de7b68c3a0b790.png

        • Janelle S

          There was more than one. But you could still count them on one hand.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Harry didn’t even talk to him!

          That’s why he ended up being psycho in How To Get Away With Murder

        • Cleojonz

          I just loved how all the kids were in the movie from the first one until the end.

      • King Beauregard

        “There’s never been a hot Black vampire which by itself is quite insulting.”

        Excuse me sir have you never seen “Blacula”? In fact I’m pretty sure he’s the one who established the notion of a vampire as a tragic figure haunted by lost love. I don’t swing that way, but dude, William Marshall as Blacula.

        (“Blacula” gets unfairly dismissed as a blaxploitation, but it’s a much better film than that. It starts with an African prince from a few hundred years ago trying to solicit the aid of European royalty to put an end to slave trade, and unfortunately he starts with the court of Count Dracula, who kills his wife, vampirizes him, and dubs him “Blacula” because Dracula is kind of a jerk.)

        • Maestro G

          Sanaa Lathan in ‘Blade’?

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Nah. They made her distinctly funny looking in that movie. I was not with it.

            • Maestro G

              Hmm. Her teeth were exaggerated, true, and she didn’t get a lot of screen time. SL is still a hottie, though.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                SL will always be a hottie.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I can’t…Eddie Murphy with Prince hair and THE WORST CARIBBEAN ACCENT does not equate to a good looking Black vampire

          • Tambra

            You forget the Caribbean has one accent. Something akin to Jamaican

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              That was the worst part…that wasn’t even close to a Jamaican accent.

              It sounded like he was nursery rhyming while on sherm.

              • Tambra

                They did something.

          • Nik White

            Nooooo William Marshall was Blacula – not Eddie Murphy!

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Ooooh Blacula!

              I’m so sorry, I had Vampire In Brooklyn on the mind.

              But even still…I dunno he didn’t look like much to me in the movie and I’m quick to call people attractive.

      • Tambra

        Amm, Tara in True Blood.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          *sighs*

          I stopped watching after Season 2. I refuse to acknowledge ANYTHING that happened after Season 2.

          • Tambra

            I think I barely made it through the season when Tara was turned and after that I do not know.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I commend you because I’ve never wanted to break my TV as much as I’ve had trying to swallow down True Blood…and I play video games for fun.

              • Tambra

                It was nice not seeing sparkly vampires, but I couldn’t make it to the end.

      • Cleojonz

        Wasn’t Alliyah a Vampire in Queen of the Damned?

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          You’re right.

          I take back my statement. She’s the only hot Black vampire.

          • Cheech

            What about Zaraah Abrahams in Da Sweet Blood of Jesus?

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              I have no idea what this is Cheech but you always know good stuff so I’ll look for it.

              • Cheech

                It was Spike Lee’s little-noticed, crowd-sourced vampire movie 2 years ago. I think it basically went straight to showtime.

                I also heard she was snoop from the wire, but I still haven’t caught up on that yet.

      • LoveTrenia

        What about Aaliyah in Queen of the Damned? Hermione in the Harry Potter books was black, If I remember correctly.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Ooooh wait….Queen Akasha!

        • Cleojonz

          They are wizards in HP not vampires lol.

      • LilMissSideEye

        Dean Thomas, Lee Jordan, Blaise Zabini & Angelina Johnson were all black, and JKR co-signed the casting of a black Hermione for the new HP play on the West End.

        And yes, I was in high school keeping my eyes peeled for black folk in the HP books. (now, the dearth of Asian/Indian characters in a book set in the UK is another matter altogether…)

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          I know those characters were black in the book, but then that’s my imagination visualizing them, I wanted to see them interpreted on the screen where Harry was talking to them, but for all of the movies, he barely conversed with lesser characters.

          • LilMissSideEye

            Valid. (Still bitter over the crediting of a black Lavender Brown in the first HP movie and the casting of a white one as soon as she got lines)

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              You peeped that too? Yea I was not with it.

  • Numbah5

    H ell, that puppy idea might STILL get us shot on some “The big black guy is hurting/stealing/forcing the dog to fight…will someone think of the puppies?!?!” crap…

  • Janelle S

    Nope on #1. That’s just asking for Michael Vick stereotypes to be applied across the board. #notyourshield

    If you try it, it better be a Corgi. Maybe a Dachshund. Nothing bigger than a Maltese.

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