while african-americans are definitely the most influential people on the planet, i can’t exactly say that everything we’ve brought to the table has been a good thing. this is particularly true when it comes to the internet, where for every okayplayer and blackvoices, there’s a couple mediatakeout’s lurking in the weeds, luring small children and stupid adults.
today, as a part of the verysmartbrothas crime-fighting ideals (and a shout-out to the champ’s second favorite television show ever), we’ve decided to bless the vsb pulpit with four reasons why they never should have given you n*ggas internet access.
1. n*ggas on facebook
while anyone could have predicted that myspace would eventually be overrun by them, the recent swarm of n*ggas on facebook has surprised everyone, proving once and for all that like liam nesson in “taken”, n*ggas will eventually find you.
i wont lie. at least a dozen of my friends qualify, and at least half of those dozen are family members.
i keep them around because you can’t minimize the mid-day comic relief of checking your friend’s status updates and seeing mundane sh*t like “john saunders is about to go on a job interview. wish me luck“, and “kim williams just landed in vegas, baby!!!” sandwiched between “rick gohardformyhood johnson why cant none of my babi mommaas act rght???? ” and “precious thebaddestbitch buddenswifey its crackin this weekend. hatas and broke ass altima n*ggas need not apply”
2. the birth of the professional urban model….
when speaking of nostalgia, most people wax poetic about sh*t like 60′s soul music, muscle cars, 80′s basketball, drive-in theaters, segregation, and when dr. dre and jermaine dupree were still alive
me? i long for the days when calling yourself “a professional model” meant high fashion, higher cheekbones, cigarettes, and anorexia, not scoring a showmag cover spread on the strength of a flickr photo album of self-shot booty pics taken in a sbarro’s bathroom during black bike week
3. …and the e-thug
because the internet is a place where people are able to anonymously espouse controversial opinions about everything from hair care to horticulture, it can be a virtual petrie dish for heated arguments, hurt feelings, and venereal disease.
a silly bi-product of this phenomenon is the keyboard thug/modem murderer, a person who not only threatens to inflict bodily harm when upset, but is stupid enough to think that their “b*tch n*gga!!! i better not ever see your ass on the streets!!!! you gettin straight clapped, son!!!” threats will actually scare anyone on the pittsburgh symphony orchestra message board.
4. conspiracy theory circulation
as mos def continues to prove, the only things black people love more than conspiracy theories and unproven half-half-truths are “lean on me” quotes and cinnamon pop tarts. its not entirely our fault, though. i mean, when you’re aware of sh*t like the tuskegee experiment and cointelpro , you can’t help having a healthy dose of american skepticism embedded in your dna.
still, that “healthy dose of american skepticism” doesn’t stop me from wishing slow and painful deaths on the people who flood my inbox daily with links from sandrarose.com and 10,000 word “factual” diatribes about how karl rove’s nephew shot tupac
did i miss anything?
—the champ
Eff it. Just gon ahead and blame it all on Jim Jones. lol
@Selah,
actually, i’d rather blame this on ben chavis
@The Champ,
i blame oprah
@BLUNTBLAZER, I blame the Wayans family (the Kennedys of coonery)
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Coolio did some of that isht!
i’ve changed my mind. i’m now blaming conrad murray
I think the worst part of the internet is that every little crazy late nyt idea i have used to be ended at “I’m too tired to get the encyclopedia and see if that ‘s right” Now I have every answer at my fingertips. I dont never sleep no more. Damn damn damn…
side note
They shoulda neva gave you ninjas money! You can buy a new couch, What Ima do about my legs?!
side side note they shoulda also neva gave us VH1 soul and or MTV Jams
@Blacklaw,
shoot, they should have never given n*ggas a TV license (see Black Exploitation Television: from Classy to Trashy – a Documentary)
@Blacklaw,
I think the worst part of the internet is that every little crazy late nyt idea i have used to be ended at “I’m too tired to get the encyclopedia and see if that ’s right” Now I have every answer at my fingertips. I dont never sleep no more. Damn damn damn…
this is true. cp time has been replaced by ip time
@Blacklaw,
Speak for yourself! I luh me some VH1 Soul
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
I agree, VH1 Soul I can live with, even BETJ. Yeah, MTV Jams can be wack a lot of the time…
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, can’t leave the house til a wack video comes on….it is just wrong
@Blacklaw,
LOL! Or a wack one that doesnt mesmerize and stupify you in all of it’s wackness. There’s this vid of these two chicks crooning (women croon??) off beat and walking down the beach with Queen Latifah hats on. Stops me dead in my tracks. Every single time.
@Blacklaw,
I also find myself googling random shyt not only at night, but throughout the course of the day. This actually started my addiction to my Blackberry.
@Monk, word. the internet is like a gateway drug or somethin
@Blacklaw,
hell yea info at ya fingatips aint no excuses now
@Blacklaw,
side side note they shoulda also neva gave us VH1 soul and or MTV Jams
VH1 Soul warms my heart…on the left ventricle *swoons*
@K to the…, lol at the left ventricle
I gotta say the blog.. I mean for every Very Smart Brothas, there is a very dumb ninja talking about bullshyt being unnecessarily verbose and using words all Nas like… just cause they rhyme ninja dont mean they fit in that sentence……
and dont get me started on the multitude of wack a$$ ninja and the poetry the link you to on their live journals, or myspace or facebook status’….
@shay_d_lady,
multitude of wack a$$ ninja
this was actually the original name of…wait. nah, lol. i’m not going there
@The Champ,
Please get your e-thug on and go there. Just this once.
@Cheekie,
no
@The Champ,
*pouts*
They shoulda neva gave us Negros BlackPlanet.
Those overbusy profiles with emblazoned wallpaper (see: Reasons why I also can’t stand MySpace). A fully loaded BlackPlanet page could induce someone into an overstimulation-induced seizure. Trying to load a Blackplanet page took at least 5 minutes with the music and glitter used to crash my computer (especially since Dial-Up ruled the world).
Not only that, but BP was a black hole of unholy intentions. Folks would post their Magic Photo portraits, with just the right amount of ultraglare and ish to drown out their awkward features and whatnot. You know, the pics where they’d be perched on a column with their fists under their chin. Shoot, they just KNEW they looked good. Tryna find a boo and whatnot. Who knows how many hookupswere made on Blackplanet? Someone oughta do a census survey. I’m curious.
@Luvvie, ahhh blackplanet…I remember it well.. that is where ghetto folks migrated from the local chat lines and learned how to cut and paste codes and started calling themselves web designers…
@shay_d_lady,
everybody in the hood is a web designer. or–lest we forget–a photographer.
@charli skipper,
This is true as hell.
@shay_d_lady,
…learned how to cut and paste codes and started calling themselves web designers…
YESS! My friends had me designing their pages for them. lol
@Luvvie, Man BP was this ish back in the day!!! I remember staying up late at night chatting it up…SMH!!!
@Luvvie, My kid brother still uses Black Planet, and he does alright for himself with it. Women are still hooking up on it, and because it has fallen out of favor there is an element of anonymity that is missing from Facebook and whatever remains of Myspace.
@Legendary Dash,
“My kid brother still uses Black Planet”
U seem proud ’bout this
@Luvvie,
7,324,210,210 Hookups were a direct result of BP, with about 3/4 of those resulting in multiple births.
@Dante_Alexander,
in 2001 i watched as one of my teammates created a page, bagged a chick from buffalo state university, and got her and her girl to come through all in a 3 hour span
@The Champ,
This forced me to google Buffalo State University. Wow the largest SUNY and alma mater of congressman Brian Higgins. The more you know
@Dorian G.,
lol, if you ever visited that campus, you’d probably want to know less
@The Champ,
lolol tha shii happend wit aol back in tha days it was like chick-delivery service
@Luvvie,
you know, i cant remember a time when black planet wasnt hood. its like they launched that sh*t in cabrini green
@The Champ,
Don’t insult cabrini like that…
@Maximillian,
cabrini deez
*This might be a rant*
Nothing on the internet grinds my gears more than e-thugs. I’m seriously supposed to believe you runnin your block but you stay on line 18 hours out of the day trying to scare me and every other screen name that pops up on your monitor. Why even make threats you and I both know you can never make good on because we will never meet, and on the off chance that we did meet we would have no idea who each other was online.
Just once I would like to pop up on someone’s doorstep after they run off at the mouth, not because I think I’m tough or anything like that, but just to see the reaction.
This goes double for e-racists also.
*Rant over*
@A-Town Genius,
I agree!!! There’s this guy whose status updates are all about how he’s the baddest thing since mustard gas with the “You don’t know what you’re doing when you cross me. I will annihilate you! I will finish this, cause you started it blah blah blah…” Riiighhhht. This is the same guy who got a beatdown offline a while back and when I mentioned it to my husband, he was utterly dismissive “I wouldn’t even give YOU props for giving him a beatdown.” Yup- he’s that kinda person”. Fuggouttahere with the scorched earth tactics we all know you are never gonna administer.
First off I believe that we all are for the most part disinformed. Why? Becuz the Internet is full of aim bots, chatroom operators etc etc who are paid to commit social discourse and it’s called social demorralizing or demorralization within social networks to control meaningful dialog of sharing information. Millions are spent by the government as well as china and other countries who buy some of their best censorship equipment from american companies. We should all try to learn the source of a problem before we ever play the blame game. Take a look at this link below and try googling “government censorship of the Internet and social networks including chatrooms and telephone operated chatlines. You will think I’m a conspiracy theorist even tho the proof is right in your face. Peace be with us all:-)
http://factsanddetails.com/china.php?itemid=232&catid=7&subcatid=43
@A-Town Genius,
Why even make threats you and I both know you can never make good on because we will never meet, and on the off chance that we did meet we would have no idea who each other was online.
f*ck yo couch, n*gga.
@The Champ,
I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only you Champ!
HATE HATE HATE!!
@A-Town Genius,
Just like thugs don’t go to the grocery store….thugs don’t use the innanet. period.
@This Just In…Like Beyonce..Like Trinaaaaaaahhh,
they do in prison
@The Champ,
I always wondered, how the eff are they getting on these “penpal” websites. My uncle met his new wife while they were both in stripes (smh) using one of these. Im like how the eff yall got free intanets and Im still standing over the kitchen sink stealin my ish out the side window from the neighbors. FML!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, me faaaaaaail! i just saw your comment about running into my girl, i haven’t talked to her, so cute yall ran into each other! i die every time i read your name, runaway slave though? lol
ps-get on my gchat!
@overitnomore,
LOL. I just realized I dunno anyone’s real names. I’m doing an FB search for people named “Gem” and “Thuggie” and FB is like Bish, please.
I just friend-requested you so I’ll try to find everyone else through your friend list.
#Iwenttocollege
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
lol. i know some one who is locked up and he has EMAIL access. but he has to pay but so much per minute to use it. and it’s very weird to get an email confirmation from the federal prison system askin if you want to grant inmate 238910 access to your email.
i recently got an email saying his email privileges were revoked. *smh*
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, overitnomore
get a room
@This Just In…Like Beyonce..Like Trinaaaaaaahhh,
Agreed
@A-Town Genius, e-racism is why they should have never given the people YouTube.
@A-Town Genius,
I’m seriously supposed to believe you runnin your block…
Of course you are…don’t you see the STACKS of $100 bills they post as their profile pics?
May I submit, BlackSingles, EbonyLove, ChocolateSwirlHookups, eHarmony, Match.Com, interracialdatinglovefest.net, findmeamateanyoldway.com… you take my point.
I’m sure everyone deserves love but if your name is Reefus and you are 52, “sangle”, living in yo mama’s garage and haven’t discovered dental floss – you don’t need to sign up to a dating site. You need Jesus.
Likewise if you are 28, fine as OhMyDamn, still living in your mama’s basement, working on your demo tape and calling yourself Trojan Horse or BigDaddy4U – you need to stick to the girlies on the block. The rest of us know, something ain’t right. And that picture of you in a leopard thong, holding up a ruler next to your private parts… that ain’t right. Matter of fact, you need Jesus too.
Backing away from the keyboard…
@OneChele,
And that picture of you in a leopard thong, holding up a ruler next to your private parts… that ain’t right
you weren’t saying that sh*t last weekend
@The Champ, lolol
fell on tha flo kickin and lololol n shii
@The Champ,
Thanks champ, I just splattered Crystal light all over my computer at work….
@OneChele,
so i take it you know about all this from experience????
@OneChele, so if either of these dudes had their own place, they’d be in there?
@OneChele,
dam lolololol u crazy lololol such a vivs typer
Hey The Champ! Eff yo’ blog! Eff yo’ blog! (Madame Z kicks the computer.) Cocaine’s a h*ll of a drug……
Anyway:
1.) Cats on facebook: Look, stuff has gotten out of hand when within a week my friend’s mother, my mother’s 2nd cousin and my aunt tried to add me as friends. Look, if you changed my diapers we can’t be friends on facebook. If my mother nor I have seen or heard from you in over a decade – we can’t be friends on facebook. (Which brings me to another reason we shouldn’t have gotten the internets – some family members aren’t meant to be all close & stuff. It is perfectly all right for me to not be close to my mother’s 2nd cousin she’s 10 years older than and baby-sat when they were younger. While I’m sure they have great memories – I don’t feel the need to try to keep in touch for the sake of keeping in touch. Maybe I’m a jerk but….)
2.) E-thugs:
“a silly bi-product of this phenomenon is the keyboard thug/modem murderer, a person who not only threatens to inflict bodily harm when upset, but is stupid enough to think that their “b*tch n*gga!!! i better not ever see your ass on the streets!!!! you gettin straight clapped, son!!!” threats will actually scare anyone on the pittsburgh symphony orchestra message board.”
So true, I hate people who talk mad head online but ain’t got shlitz to say when you see them in person. Even worse are people who love to spout their hatred for the White man, Republicans, Catholics, bunny rabbits and people with gardens on statuses, blogs, wherever, but when they’re in class or in a forum to discuss those ideas they can’t put two words together. I’m in an organization for Black students with this broad who has nothing to say on FB but how much she hates white folk and how we need to raise up, blah, blah, blah, or loves to get smart via text message but as soon as we get to a meeting where she can actually voice opinions or concerns she just stares into space like a deer caught in headlights. We call her the “Facebook Gangsta.” Ugh.
@Madame Zenobia,
cosign on the need to ban mothers and your friends’ mothers from your FB friend’s list. I’m de-friending someone who’s mother is an indefatigable commenter on her status. I acknowledge that I got issues, but every time her mums gamely comments on some questionable status by her daughter, to me it’s border line creepy (like those dads who stand up and talk about their daughters’ virginity. Just eeeeeeewww).
@Wanjiru,
Question. What’s up with all the defriending? I understand there are reasons for this, but it seems to have dramatically increased over the past few months. I think a lot of times people “friend” folks for the wrong reason thus having to defriend them later on. Why “friend” them in the first place?
@Monk, i just defriended somebody yesterday.
mistakes are bound to happen.
@Monk,
What’s a “wrong” reason for friending? I accept pretty much anybody that doesn’t look like a party promoter.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
There’s many wrong reasons. Some people are friends of friends and they just wanna be flat out nosy and ‘in the know’ when it comes to your business. If I don’t know them like that, there’s really no need to friend them. To me, it’s not a popularity contest to try to collect the most friends..especially if you have no real intention on ever really interacting with them cause you don’t know them.
Gotcha. I guess it’s cause I have nothing interesting on my page except my wall that I don’t really care who wants to be my friend.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
ebff why aren’t we friends on fb?!?!?!
@Gemmie,
Good question! Lemme go find you now!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
We need to be Facebook friends, girl! I didn’t even know you had it. Hit me up at sistersoundoff@gmail.com. I ain’t tryin’ to put my real life name here right under my screename…ya know, relatively incognegro.
*shifty eyes*
@Cheekie,
Send me a Twitter DM. I dont know how to search FB for emails. (I do it from my phone…plus, I am not smart)
@Monk,
I’ve been on FB since 2004 and was still in school when I joined. I have lots of old college friends that I don’t talk to, other Greeks that I met once and folks that don’t need to know my current business. So, similiar to Follow Fridays on Twitter, my friend has started Fall Back Fridays on Facebook. I have two tests: 1) If I see it’s your birthday and don’t feel inclined to reach out to wish you a good one, we shouldn’t be friends; 2) If I never want to look at your photo albums, I’m not that interested in your life and we shouldn’t be friends. Those folks have to be removed.
Oh btw, I wasn’t feeling ATL too much, so I’ve relocated back to NYC!
@Bailey,
I can kinda understand this since you’ve been on FB for so long and there probably is a time when you just need to erase some folks from your page. But can’t this happen in one day? Must someone dedicate a day of the week to de-friend cats? That seems like you have too many folks there if every week you’re making eliminations like it’s a reality show.
@Monk,
I have over 1700 friends, and while I know just about all of them, I don’t need to have all of them as my FB friends. I don’t have time to do a full sweep, but I can eliminate a few at a time.
@Bailey,
Ya ATL sucks
@Monk,
Re the spike in de-friending- retributional defriending maybe? All it takes is one FB user in Uruguay to set stuff off, and next thing you know, it’s a global pandemic.
@Monk,
I agree. I don’t de-friend. if someone’s annoying I just ignore em and sh*t
@The Champ,
I do this as well. Or just don’t add them in the first place.
@Monk,
I think it’s worse to just let the request hang there. Since they notify you when someone confirms, then folks end up all salty because the request is pending. Even worse if they see you in real life and be all, “Um, what’s up with that friend request?”. lol
@Cheekie,
LOL!! I’m guilty of leaving the pending request. Sometimes a name may sound familiar like I know the person or went to school with them but they’ll have a photo of Michael Jackson as their profile pic. I let it stay pending thinking they may change their profile and I may recognize them. If not, they’re just stuck in the matrix of my FB page..lol!!
@Madame Zenobia,
my mom is on facebook. and after all this talk about she’s never going to join facebook becuz it’s not for ppl her age, she is friends with all my friends who she actually knows. and when i made a comment about it she got all defensive and made me feel guilty for questioning her appearance on FB. can’t win with that woman.
i have to cosign the e-thugs issue. i feel like i complain about emo facebook statuses at least once a week on this blog, BUT, seriously. i saw one of my “friends’ ” relationship with her fiance completely deteriorate over the course of a facebook status. it started with some random dude commenting to the girl’s status. then the fiance was like, “who is this guy ^? ” fast forward to the fiance’s friend’s joining in to e-threaten the random dude (who lives in another state), and admissions by the fiance to the (then) girlfriend about how, “yeah, ok. i did ask that girl if i could f**k, but now you takin it too far!!” eww. they never should have given you n**gas facebook.
plus, i really don’t like it when grown a*sed, college educated people use incorrect grammar and spelling for facebook statuses in a non-sarcastic way. (“hey! what’s happen?”) especially when they’re trying to say something deep. i should never have to see, “quiana is feed up. i will be happy wen men treat me like the fenomal women i am? ” on my computer screen. and neither should the white people…..now they askin me why your a*s is illiterate. and, frankly, i have no idea.
@charli skipp,
dead.dead.dead @ this whole comment!!
I also hate when smart people type “a women”
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
I also hate when smart people type “a women”
We’re here on this one…it disgusts me to no end.
@charli skipp,
the worst is when couples keep posting those vague ass passive-aggressive status messages
her “some people never learn”
Him ***listening to “domestic violence” by the rza***
her “I should have been a lesbian”
Him “some people really need to look in the mirror”
@The Champ,
Speaking of passive-aggressiveness…do ya’ll read passiveagressivenotes.com? That mess has me cacklin’ at work. It’s a great time waster
when things die down around VSB and yo still have a couple hours to kill at work.@Cheekie,
LOL. I just checked it out.
Dead @
“Pool’s closed…Due to AIDS and Stingrays (…who also have AIDS)”
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
“Pool’s closed…Due to AIDS and Stingrays (…who also have AIDS)”
That had me laughing for a good 10 min straight. I was in TEARS.
@Cheekie,
thanks for the link and sh*t
@charli skipp,
I forgot. Another thing I hate is ppl who dont respect the prompt that clearly reads:
“Me Fail English? is… ______”
..and post some incoherent grammar-racist bullisht like…
“Me Fail English? is ….y’all betta don’t not cop that new Fab album. It’s GWINNIN!”
Fcuk yo mama, punk! And I dont even be on FB like that.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
*dying* @ grammar-racist.
I HATED when Facebook only allowed passive-as* verbs with the auto-filled “is” prompt. Because it was so limited and I was forced to always up “-ing” at the end of my verbs so it was grammatically correct. Glad you have a choice now to get rid of the “is”.
@charli skipp,
” i will be happy wen men treat me like the fenomal women i am? ”
This just made my eyes cross and my head hurt.
@charli skipp,
This is terrible & awesome at the same time. Terrible for the parties involved, awesome for everyone else. I’da grabbed some popcorn & pulled up to watch the drama unfold
How does “sketpicism” work?
Dare I say nigras should have never been given access to the intrywebs due to:
-not only for bad web design habits (due to BP and the Space) but… -gassing up ugly people in the name of getting some chex mix and…
-proliferating bad grammar/spelling/typing in the name of looking cool/hard.
-plus everyone thinks they deserve to be on as a rapper, singer, beatmaker, and more.
-and Naijas pretending that they’re royalty with millions ready to give to you the lucky stiff in West Bubblef*ck, Montana.
-finally you should have known ninjas love “free” sh*t…so bootlegging (e.g. stealing music) exploded as a result.
-dare I forget all this ghetto *ss pron now in circulation?
Actually that’s a benefit.But yeah, your 1 and 2 are on point.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Sketpicism deez
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Pertaining to the images which look like cell phone pics on your site- Sincerely, Do you ask people for they’re permission to photograph them?
I have been conflicted with this idea since black people don’t like to be photographed and will give u a shot in exchange for a bright shot, in the words of Jeezy ‘WE CAN SWAP IT OUT’, get my drift.
1.I am quite sadden’d that I can learn more about a person from their myspace or facebook page, then by talking to their funky a$$ in person. Nothing pisses me off more.
2. how about every loser that becomes a damn superstar on the internet, I could careless how good you think you rap or sing…Because you dont have the testicular fortitude (Farrakahn blessed me with this word phrase…dope, right. I know) to pursue your passions in the real world
3. I cnt start good conversations with negroes either because the internet breaks all the good news and gossip, before I can even say “Did you know…”, then they reply “Naw bruh I already knew that”
4. The Internet is bad for black folks because you don’t wanna make a mistake and find your momma’s freaky a$$ myspace page.
***winces and nearly vomits at the thought***
5. Paid journalist get all their damn sources from twitter pages, lazy sob’s
Thats about it for tonite.
@The Hallway,
Your number 1—I concur…lol
@The Hallway,
Number 5 really gets my goat! Ok, so TMZ got the drop on you. Better news source should STILL be held to higher standard of journalism. Like… I dunno…maybe FACT CHECKING!!! Buncha effin yokels.
I blame this festering degeneration of journalistic ideals for the rise in people who cant put two words together calling themselves “journalists”. Ho, just cause you report Kelis’ latest child support judgment, don’t make you Ted Koppel.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
Fact checking is for suckas
@The Hallway,
You know, your number 1 doesn’t bother me that much. In fact, I think its one of the best things about the internet. You can filter people out without actually having to speak to them, lol
@The Hallway,
#5 is the truth. every thime i turn to CNN, they’re going on about what people are saying on twitter. give me the d@mn news, i don’t care what random twitter people think about the news.
@N.I.A. naturally,
I’m not gonna say that twitter is skynet, but if the internet decides to declare nuclear war on us, I know twitters gonna have something to do with it
@The Hallway,
#4: I always trip when i holla at a chick find out she gotta myspace page and i check it out /investigate her life and find out her daughter gotta page too. WTF is wrong wit you why u allow ya kid to have a myspace page? aint there a age limit? dont you watch dateline: how to catch a predator?
*FB rant follows*
A) people who take de-friending way too seriously. I have gotten seriously testy emails for de-friending spouses. It ain’t that serious people!
B) People who spread the s.m.ut and elect to get offended when you give them limited access to your FB profile. Here’s a thought, if you were single handedly responsible for me taking down my Superwall/ Fun slide whateverit’scallednow because of your penchant for posting racy/ border line perverted imagery, dam straight I’ma revoke those privileges.
c) “FB feuding” or FB as a barometer of how your relationship is playing out. Where you switch your relationship status every so often to coincide with your spats or makeups with your SO. And you provide a blow by blow account of how “Wanjiru knows that SHE doesn’t wear fuchsia lipstick. MEN ARE SUCH LIARS!!!!”
d) FB detectives. Because of that godsend- the private profile, you can’t access info on someone who is not your friend. But there’s a new growth industry out there- the FB private di.ck where the PI goes through their friend list until they get a friend (or friend of a friend) who is a “mutual friend” of the target, and they use these 2 degrees of separation to try and match make/ get the dirt on the person who left dubious comments on their BF’s wall etc… (Actually, I applaud this ingenuity…)
@Wanjiru,
Reading your “d” just made me crosseyed
@Wanjiru, damn….FB must stand for F*ckeryBook.
@Wanjiru,
I don’t think that works. I’ve clicked friends of “friends” and got the private profile jawn.
1.The internet has been the worst thing to happen to procrasinating negros since Black Tail was first published.
2.The internet also severely cut the earning potential of the Bootleg man. Cats gotta eat.
3.It became easier for the women and menfolk to deceive potential cutty buddies. At the right angle Big Bertha became a drunk dial candidate, when in the past you would not hit it no matter how much vodka you had consumed.
4.It became harder to be a man or woman who plays the field. There is way too much info on the web, and people sometimes feel as if they know you after one glance of your profile.
@Legendary Dash,
I don’t think its hurt pimpin as much as its altered it. I actually think its easier for a playa now and sh*t
@Legendary Dash,
“The internet has been the worst thing to happen to procrasinating negros since Black Tail was first published.”
I agree completely. When I should be getting my thesis together, I decide to check out VSB or see who has changed their status on FB. Had it not been for both of these outlets I might have been further in life right now. NO hard feelings, I still love VSB.
@Ivy St.,
Had it not been for both of these outlets I might have been further in life right now.
no you wouldn’t.
the other day on Twitter…
I saw one of my “followers” (like I’m some kind of rock star, stupid) talking to somebody named “YUNG JUGGZ” and, long story short, it turned out to be some “upcoming” rapper. So I said something to effect that “YUNG JUGGZ is a DUDE?” and why did YUNG JUGGZ get offended by this?
I swear, the internet hasn’t been the same since Rent-A-Center and e-machines struck up a deal back in the day…
@T. Troy Stewart,
I’m upset that he picked that moniker for himself to rap under.
Tragedy.
@miss t-lee,
i thought it was a coo name for a rap chick …………but dude naw dogg wha u slangin juggz?
@T. Troy Stewart,
yeah, i assumed “young juggs” would be nicki minaj’s alias or something
I think you hit them all… I stan for your number 1.
One question though: Do thugs really use computers? I really thought they’d be too busy doing hoodrat things to check email.
@Nicki Sunshine, about as many ‘REAL’ thugs use the computer as there are ‘REAL’ thug rappers. So for every one Kilo Da Krip Killa, theres about 15 Rick Rosses and Nurse Plies.
@T. Troy Stewart, LMBO. I feel you!
@Nicki Sunshine,
LOl. I used to visit a message board where some pose-ter (haha, get it?) had several people convinced he was some sort of ghetto James Bond, with the death-defying escapes from danger and multiple women and special gadgetry and all. The worst part is that he had the same screenname for over a year and would log on intermittently.
Me being me, I asked several times “Yall really thinkin between all the close brushes with mortality, C4 exploding in the background and bedding model-fine hairshow models this millennium thug has time to remember this url??? Much less a funky ass password????
The best response I could come up with was “Yup. He’s just that good
“. I dunno. Maybe he was that good and Im just hatin. He was from Detroit ya know.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, No, we’re gonna need more people to believe he is that good. lol. I am cracking up at, “yup, he’s that good.”
Maybe he’s just a dayum good con artist if he got those people to stan for him like that.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“I really thought they’d be too busy doing hoodrat things to check email.”
It is the year of two thousand and nine. Hoodrat has become technologically advanced. lol
@Cheekie, LMBO!!!!!
@Cheekie,
damm sounds like a scary movie
@Nicki Sunshine,
LOL I could see thugs getting ready to go on a drive-by and Tweet talmbout
@CripFoLife: I’m bout to shoot up this cat right quick. BTW, WATTUP Twitterzens!!!
(20 mins later)
@CripFoLife: Man, we GATTED them fools! LOL!
(5 mins later)
@CripFoLife: Aw d*mn. We just got stopped by the po-po. MY gun is in plain view too. FML.
o_O
@Thuggie Luvvie,
AHAHAHA!
I am dying over here picturing thugs fumbling with their Dlackberry (ya’ll know they don’t got no real Blackberry, they probably put a line through the opening of the D to make it look like a ‘B’) to Tweet and then turning to their nicca all, “Hold dis right quick” before they pull out the glock.
@Cheekie, @Luvvie,
I’m done with both of ya’ll right now.
Especially @ “hold dis right quick”
I hate ya’ll with the heat of a million player haters.
@Thuggie Luvvie, I cannot take you…. that was so funny!
@Nicki Sunshine,
hoodrats have twitter now too. actually, i think twitter is the first social medium designed specifically for hoodrats
the best facebook applications, in my opinion, the option to “go offline” and to turn that damn MAFIA WARS ish off.
@T. Troy Stewart, I see messages with people getting different awards for that game. What on earth is that game? From the outside looking in, it seems like a geeky virtual game.
@Nicki Sunshine,
i thought it was a gimick to get yo acct. info at first but i guess its a game
@T. Troy Stewart,
“the best facebook applications, in my opinion, the option to “go offline”… ”
*dap*
I LOVE this feature. I love that it lets me be a Facebook voyeur and update my status in peace. I don’t wanna deal with pop-up messages that basically say, “Hey, can I pile all my boyfriend problems on you right now?”
Just on a note to the conspiracy Theorists… I don’t buy a lot of them, but Magic never had any fooking virus not named “Rhino” or “Influenza” or maybe even “Herpes”.
That is all. I have a meeting to go to.
@Dante_Alexander, you’re right on that Magic Johnson deal.
How does one get the HIV and get BIGGER? Healthier? Richer?
Get outta here.
@madam_ori,
I have a long arse Theory on all this which has to do with The UN, The Olympics, Karl Malone’s cranium being too small for his body, Burger King, $1 Billion, and Zeke Thomas failing at EVERYTHING in life since punching Bill laimbeer in practice.
But I’ll save it for later.
@Dante_Alexander,
*Psst* It’s all in the KFC, my friend. Chicken steroids cure AIDS. Pass it on!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
I agree.
And Pork Products prevent H1N1. Word.
@Dante_Alexander,
“Pork Products prevent H1N1″
Word? *Stocks up on Skittles and Oreos”
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
There’s a reason there’s always room for Jello…
It prevents disease and promotes the growth of cartilage in injured athletes.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
trees cure erythang legalize it bishes
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
“It’s all in the KFC, my friend. Chicken steroids cure AIDS. Pass it on!”
LMFAO. You gon’ have a KFC riot again because they’re REALLY gonna run outta chicken before closing time now. lol
@Dante_Alexander, Me Fail, Cheeki,
*Dead* – Ya’ll VS people’s are freakin’ hilarious. This whole thread had me done.
“Ego Masturbation & Misrepresentation” – now this may be universal racially, but since I talk to primarily black folks, I am going to use it. I have found that people suddenly become caricatures of their true selves or just completely fake. They also become self righteous (i.e. VSB Wet Blankets) for no reason or just to be contrary. I have seen people that I know personally (i.e. in real life) on different blogs or on facebook that have totally misrepresented who they were. They are actually easy to spot out, because they are d*ck riders of whatever the prevailing opinion of the day is, even though the next week they directly contradict it (sometimes within the same paragraph).
@Naturally Alise,
“They also become self righteous (i.e. VSB Wet Blankets) for no reason or just to be contrary”
Tis gospel truth, this. You don’t know how many of these hoes got Psalms 11:48, talmbout they got saved by the COGIC off 115th and MLK. Go to the pics and she gettin sandwich humped in the club by gold-tooth goons.
They shoulda neva gave these ninjas e-pulpits.
@Naturally Alise,
This is on point right here.
Affirmative.
@Naturally Alise,
*Does church scoot in the aisles until Sister O’Dell taps me w/ her white gloves & tells me to SADDOWN* You ain’t tellin NO LIES right here.
@Naturally Alise,
They also become self righteous (i.e. VSB Wet Blankets) for no reason or just to be contrary
lol, we’re actually getting more and more of that here from first time commentators. i guess its a sign that we’re going magnum (getting bigger) and sh*t
*N*ggas on the innanets is responsible for the influx of wacktastic music. Before, labels had to sign folks (and they even dropped the ball a lot of times) but now, anybody can share their poorly mixed, unmastered garbage with any and everyone. I have found many of quality artists via the net (see: Dom Kennedy, J.Cole, and G.o.D. Jewels – google each, you won’t be disappointed), but the bad and the ugly greatly overshadows the good.
*I’m approximately 100% sure that productivity at folks’ 9 to 5 has drastically dipped since the n*gganet’s popularity growth. Daily I see FB statuses saying something to the effect that “Richey Cunningham has a TON of work to do!!!!” My question: Why the fugg is Richey Cunningham on FACEBOOK then?
*Everybody thinks they are a “writer” now. Just cause you twit, tweet, or whatever and have a blog that talks about the latest happenings in pop culture does not make you a writer.
@Monk,
“*Everybody thinks they are a “writer” now. Just cause you twit, tweet, or whatever and have a blog that talks about the latest happenings in pop culture does not make you a writer.”
Yep.
@miss t-lee,
i made a tweet account but neva tweeted once and i get new followers daily????????????i dont get it
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Wish I could help you out there playboy…but me don’t do “the twitter”.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
they’re Bot accounts and they’re sending you links to whackazz amateur pron.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
naw some are real people like ex’s or old classmates
@Monk, “*I’m approximately 100% sure that productivity at folks’ 9 to 5 has drastically dipped since the n*gganet’s popularity growth. Daily I see FB statuses saying something to the effect that “Richey Cunningham has a TON of work to do!!!!” My question: Why the fugg is Richey Cunningham on FACEBOOK then?”
This is me right here . . . had to get rid of facebook and go back to lurking on VSB to return to productivity. OH WELL this sh!t is boring!
@Monk,
*I’m approximately 100% sure that productivity at folks’ 9 to 5 has drastically dipped since the n*gganet’s popularity growth. Daily I see FB statuses saying something to the effect that “Richey Cunningham has a TON of work to do!!!!” My question: Why the fugg is Richey Cunningham on FACEBOOK then?
LOL. I remember making a status update that even though Facebook hinders my productivity, my the law firm I work for represents Facebook as a client. Thus, I am justified (even encouraged) to be on Facebook. I’m giving our client ad revenue and viewer hits.
@Cheekie,
Now if THAT aint a good setup…
I was recently encouraged as part of case investigation activities to see if any of our patients are spreading the word about their disease status on the innets.
“Kaylishia Reynolds just got out of the hostpital. found out she has TB. FML. Y’all need a test.”
@BlackBerry Molasses,
LOL
@Monk,
My boy put me up on J. Cole. I’ma check for the other two.
@Stank-0,
Fa Sho!
I co-sign number 4, twice.
Nothing is worse than political negroes posting incorrect facts about current events or spreading urban myths. Seriously, if you post some mess about how Bill Gates will give me 100 bucks for every person I forward your email to, I will block your email address. After I send you a long, cuss-out email about idiocy. Specifically, yours.
We have CNN.com, nytimes.com, and other credible sources to check your ish. It doesn’t take long. Open a new tab and double check before you sound like a dumba$$.
And really don’t send me anything I’m not interested in either. We’re friends or colleagues, you should know I don’t want one of those viral emails about some letter from Sister 2 Sister. Eew. Just thinking about that makes me want to go read a book–not a sports page or a magazine.
@madam_ori,
Sadly the “real”, reputable papers/sites are now full o’ rubbish. I watched CNN for a couple hours yesterday and half of the time it felt like a TMZ/A Current Affair (remember the first incarnation of Maury “Not da favva” Povich?)/Good Morning America hybrid. I don’t trust many news outlets these days… Thanks Innawebs!
@Naturally Alise,
Yeah I was just about to comment that CNN and (to some extent nytimes.com) aint sh1t! I still like BBC and AP for old-fashioned, non-sensationalist reporting. The rest of that shet aint nothing but Inside Edition.
@madam_ori,
Yeah CNN and NYT not so much credible. Off topic the NYT Op-Ed section MAKES me want to become an e-thug with the manner in which several columnist phone it in and post ridiculous nonsense.
Moving on..I follow alot of internet journalism and I’m all on Media Matters because they fact check the heck out of the MSM. For the big news sources I really only dig BBC and the AP. When I was in Kabul say there would be an explosion or attack the BBC would have had an update with pictures and video on their website in 10 minutes.
@Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,
NYT was about to get some anonymous anthrax-laced mail during the Obama election. And they have the nerve to make you register to read the good articles in full. Middle-finger them!
@Siobhan means Woman of Wisdom,
well NYT’s op-ed columns aren’t meant for credibility though (opinion editorials). They’re meant for the LOLs.
As for the other newspaper and media sources, I’ll take them over Lelee YoAssIsTighterThanACaseQuarter Simmons facebooking news she got from Wendy Williams. If you want to be politically savvy, then you got to read them all and average out the political slants and biases.
BBC is worthwhile though. Leave it to an international source to be most objective.
@madam_ori,
I’m a firm believer that Sister Souljah is on the staff of Sister 2 Sister. That magazine’s writing is so doggone elementary! And I read an interview & it was like stream of consciousness interviewing. Jamie Foster Brown ain’t never heard of the interview conept of “tracking”. She was ALL over the place. They shouldnta given that lady a soapbox
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“I’m a firm believer that Sister Souljah is on the staff of Sister 2 Sister. That magazine’s writing is so doggone elementary!”
*clutches tummy in humorous pain*
LMFAO. Not Sister Souljah! Ya’ll are extra-wilin’ today.
@madam_ori,
IHT.com (International Herald Tribune) is a good news source.
Someone mentioned the BBC as well.
America is heading towards edu/infotainment. It’s kinda sad and I blame Fox. They made it cool to spout off about nothing. CNN tried to match them with a more upscale version of the same thing.
I dunno what yall talkin bout. I loves the net! It boosts my self-esteem to see how full of ish many people are. And I lay my head on pillow at night thinking, damn, for all my faults and foibles, at least I keep it real. Real in the Ricky Bobby sense, not the Ricky Ross sense.
Now onto the shet that e-nnoys me:
-eBay. Yeah, shet is all good when the transaction goes smoothly. But just wait til you need to return some shet and the seller aint cooperatin. Paypal=Mephisto.
-Viruses. It just bothers me that I gotta break bread to protect MY possessions, that STAY in MY house from some a*hole that will never even step foot inside this mofugga. Ugh!
-Too much closeness. Ever have one of those friends that wants to hang out with you while you hang out with ALL your different crews. Like you know her from the hood and you dont mind inviting her to chill with your school friends once in a while…but then she start tryna roll everytime. Just showin up at sh1t when you thought you could get a break from her ass! I got FB friends that talk to other non-mutual (in real life) FB friends and I just don’t like feeling like my network is that small. I need oxygen!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
“I loves the net! It boosts my self-esteem to see how full of ish many people are. ”
HAHA, yeah. When stuff like e-racism and e-thuggery run amok, that one comment on the internet that has me in stitches laughing makes it all worth it. I think the pros outweigh the cons.
The picture of ol’ boy above is killing me softly.
@miss t-lee,
Word. I cant figure out why that ish is so funny to me…
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
I think it is his expression.
I think…I still haven’t got it figured out…lol
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
i think it’s cuz he looks like a runaway slave in front of a computer – or like one of those old Basketball players from the 70′s in the little shorts lol.
@pgh muse,
“i think it’s cuz he looks like a runaway slave in front of a computer ”
OH sh*t! You just saved me from furrowing my brow as to who that picture reminds me of! Cutty from The Wire (S3). They got they same shave job and the same “paranoid runaway slave” lookin’ eyes!
@pgh muse,
lolololololol idunno why i was think tha same thang lolol wit his lavar burton readin rainbow eddition mustach
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one getting Lavar Burton fever…
@pgh muse,
“like a runaway slave in front of a computer”
LMAO! That’s it! He don’t look like he’s bout to type. His big hulkin ass looks like he’s bout to smash it over Massa’s head!
@pgh muse,
or like one of those old Basketball players from the 70’s in the little shorts lo
lol, he does have a little tiny archibald in him and sh*t (no coral)
@miss t-lee,
…VERY softly indeed
@Brotha Tech,
Like a queen sized double pillowtop with about a 1000 cotton balls on top.
@miss t-lee,
thought u was talkin bout his haircut
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I’m talking about the whole ensemble.
@miss t-lee,
Why does he looks so….uncomfortable?! I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s like he just saw his hot coworker walk by and he’s holding in a fart. I don’t know…
@Cheekie,
This is a great description.
Maybe he’s concerned if his red print tie is matching his striped shirt?
Hell if I know…
@Cheekie,
lololololol i gotta scroll down yall gone get me pink slipped for laughin so much
@BLUNTBLAZER,
lol, sorry BB. I’m just sayin’. Why his eyes gotta be waterin’? Dayum…
@miss t-lee & mefail, LMAO, ok i thought i was the only one, and since i can be a tad goofier than most, i figured i’d keep it to myself. i keep thinking of derek luke on vsb..
@overitnomore!,
Nah…don’t keep it yourself.
Let your goofy flag fly…or something like that.
@miss t-lee, *takes goofy flag and waves it round her head like a helicopta*
This one’s for you, uh-huh, this one’s for who?
Us, us, us; yes sir!
Who am I? Overit muhf**aaaaaaaa!
@overitnomore!,
“Who am I? Overit muhf**aaaaaaaa!”
I just imagined you singing this.
I’m CTFU.
Good job.
In case you wanted some backing music here ya go…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBMaZB09N1s
@overitnomore!,
please go saddown
@overitnomore!,
AHAHAHAHA! I specifically pictured you doing this on the set of Drumline (like when Petey made the cameo) instead of the actual Petey Pablo music video.
LMAO esp @”rick gohardformyhood johnson why cant none of my babi mommaas act rght???? ” and “precious thebaddestbitch buddenswifey its crackin this weekend. hatas and broke ass altima n*ggas need not apply””
AND
“me? i long for the days when calling yourself “a professional model” meant high fashion, higher cheekbones, cigarettes, and anorexia, not scoring a showmag cover spread on the strength of a flickr photo album of self-shot booty pics taken in a sbarro’s bathroom during black bike week”
Truth!!!!
@OrangeStar616, iDied @ those 2 comments also.
4 reasons they should have never gave ninjas internet access
1) The hi-jacking and bastardization of the word “thick”.
There use to be one definition of thick. Now there is “thick” and “internet thick”. Thick was reserved for women like Serena Williams, Cubana Lust, Lastarya, and Esther Baxter. Since the creation of Blackplanet, Myspace, and other social networking sites thick is now the Moniques and Roseanne
2) Bad music.
The good thing is that now you don’t need a label to be heard. The bad thing is that anybody can be heard. I think the internet along with Master P has made any dude try to rap when basketball or football didnt workout for them. The problem is that it is too easy for some people whose heart isn’t in it.
3) Provided a forum for people who like to hear themselves talk.
Too many pages with the lastest rap single playing telling me how you are a boss or screaming how much you are hated on.
4) Chain E-mails
I get tired of getting emails telling me that if I send it to 10 other people I’ll get a pot of gold. Or how some celebrity or rich person is giving away their whole fortune to anyone who breathes.
@Humble_One,
I have been known to send sternly-worded emails to those who send me the dumb chain letters. Don’t send me JACK that says “If u dont pass to 324 people, your big toe will pop out ur fave shoes. Oh, and you dont love Jesus”
WTF????
@Humble_One,
1) The hi-jacking and bastardization of the word “thick”.
There use to be one definition of thick. Now there is “thick” and “internet thick”. Thick was reserved for women like Serena Williams, Cubana Lust, Lastarya, and Esther Baxter. Since the creation of Blackplanet, Myspace, and other social networking sites thick is now the Moniques and Roseanne
you blame the internet on that? i blame popeyes
*glances at today’s post representative picture*
Finally, Champie has revealed himself!
I think e-thuggery is probably what I’m most worried about with niccas. I mean, sooner or later, folks will carry Mob Wars right on into reality. There’s one thing I know about niccas and it’s that they don’t ‘preciate when folks put them on blast. I think it’ll REALLY bruise if you front them off in front of their 678 friends (612 of them they’ve never met in person, but still, it’s the principle and whatnot). And then take into account that on Twitter you can RT sh*t, so not only would you be put on blast, you can be put on re-blast by a 3rd party.
@Cheekie,
*glances at today’s post representative picture*
Finally, Champie has revealed himself!
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
I’m sniggling my d@mn self at that.
@V Renee,
hehehehe
@Cheekie,
reveal deez
@The Champ,
I have. The jury was not impressed.
@Cheekie,
*DEAD*
How did my comment disappear?
@Humble_One,
*Rumor Alert*
The inventor of the internet, Al Gore, is going around making folks’ comments disappear on Black blogs, but you didn’t read that from me.
@Cheekie,
its oprah and bill cosby’s secret jedi mind control tricks
I think along with the innanets, the easy access to digital cameras has been a very bad thing.
@Ms. Smart,
I actually enjoy it, because then people take those pictures (which may one day be used in a court of law against them) and upload them on Facebook for our amusement.
the only things black people love more than conspiracy theories and unproven half-half-truths are “lean on me” quotes and cinnamon pop tarts
Actually, I like strawberry pop tarts better! *Hmph*
@K to the…,
Them s’mores ones used to go hard!!!!
(I haven’t had a pop tart in ages…lol)
@miss t-lee,
me an my son eat um ery mornin breakfast of champions
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I could see yall popping open a pair. bumping pastries giving some Fred Sandford esque toast and saying cheers another day another $. hahaha
@WuDaMan,
yea tommorow my lil boy first day of kindergarden dam i memba when the ninja couldnt even walk
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Aw! Hope he has a nice first day at school!
@ Bluntblazer,
AWWWWWWWWWW! My oldest starts kindergarten this year TOO!!
Yay for BIG BOYS!!!
@K to the…,
Pop tarts always make me gag because it reminded me of a college classmate of mine who smelled like a combo of pop tarts and musty wet dog.
@Cheekie,
So much for my lunch appetite.
Thanks a bunch Cheekie.
@miss t-lee,
If it’s any consolation, I lost my own when typing it out because I know the EXACT smell. Ew. But yeah, I shouldn’t have shared that with the class.
@Cheekie,
That smell just sounds horriblicious and highly vomitrocious!!!
However I still have my appetite *wipes sweat from forehead*
@K to the…,
I only eat strawberry pop tarts!
@pe. riche., I couldn’t stand how my brothers would always eat them untoasted.
@K to the…,
I only eat S’mores Pop tarts b/c they the bessss I’ve ever had (No Lumiere aka Drake)
@K to the…,
me too actually. i just wanted to type “cinnamon”
@K to the…, I have never had a cinnamon pop tart…
only strawberry (yum) and blueberry (blech)
i’ve been too afraid to try any of the other flavors….I’m resistant to change
this has absolutely nothing to do with today’s topic but i thought id share anyway — since it relates to the “Taking the Lead” post.
so yesterday there was a nasty, ugly, big, black bug-creature in my apt (damn me for living on the first floor and my front door opening directly to the outdoors). i mean it had legs like a frog and was just a crawlin up in my space. so becuz it’s just ME, i had to kill it. and it crunched so loud upon impact of my shoe (poor shoe) and gross guts just came spewing out. i haven’t been right since. every time i look to the floor i see the insect-murder replay. i’d rather not ever have to deal with situations like that again.
that is all.
@Gem of the Ocean,
*faints*
@Gem of the Ocean,
dam whr the fuq u live behind a swamp?
shuda put it ina bottle took a picture i wanna see it im imagin a huge spider with frog leggs…………
@Gem of the Ocean,
next time, use the vacuum cleaner. that’s what I do. I have off white carpets and just painted. ain’t no bug big enough to escape the DYSON!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
you better than me…I woulda been in a catatonic state just opun seeing that monstrosity
::shudders at the thought::
@Gem of the Ocean,
@Gem of the Ocean,
you better than me…I woulda been in a catatonic state just upon seeing that monstrosity
::shudders at the thought::
@Gem of the Ocean,
you better than me…I woulda been in a catatonic state just upon seeing that monstrosity
::shudders at the thought::
@Happy Meal,
Sorry y’all my innanet done gone haywire!
@Gem of the Ocean,
“so yesterday there was a nasty, ugly, big, black bug-creature in my apt (damn me for living on the first floor and my front door opening directly to the outdoors). i mean it had legs like a frog and was just a crawlin up in my space.”
**filed under “things people say when they don’t want to say that it was just a giant roach”**
lol, seriously though, it was probably a tree bug.
@Gem of the Ocean,
Ew I spray all bugs cuz I hate that noise. And sometimes I hate the sucking sound the vacuum makes cuz I feel like I just swallowed it. But I take whatever can or bottle of spray (air freshener works great and the room smell better for the bug being dead) and just drown it.
The Internet can be evil. It makes it damn near impossible to go M.I.A. Didn’t answer the text message? They will find you on Myspace…haven’t logged on there for a while?…Then you get messages on Facebook. Can’t be found there?…Then I get like a trillion emails…
It was hard enough trying to avoid family, and now Facebook has introduced that We’re Related crap. FML.
@pe. riche.,
It was hard enough trying to avoid family, and now Facebook has introduced that We’re Related crap. FML.
i don’t mess with anything on facebook when it asks for access to my info and sh*t
Yo that pic is straight from 1993, most.unimportant.year.ever
@Dorian G.,
What did 1993 do to u?
*thinks* Hmm… you may be right. I don’t even remember that year.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“What did 1993 do to u? ”
Other than purple denim short and matching socks??
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
stonewash jeans…….duck tail haircuts dam the good ole days
@BLUNTBLAZER,
*crying* @ duck tail haircuts. I want to forget. Please let me forget.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, how about rap styles involving weird high pitch grunting?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
tha f*ck?!?!?!?
@miss t-lee, this sound was the flopped majority at one point: while most folks paid attention only to Dre and Snoop, Tribe, or maybe Black Moon, there were so many other tragic, cheesy records with guys throwing in a “flava” or “catch wreck” or two while they indicated as they rapped way too fast for their own good what kind of roughneck they were as they wore a tie-top hat and there was not a woman in sight in the videos unless she wore a bubble vest and Hi-Tec boots with a thug mug thru red lipstick.
Puffy and Jay-Z were voluntary participants in this f*ckery too…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
You talking about Channel Live?
*giggling*
@Stuff Ghetto People Lik
Not a fan of the Fu-Schnickens, eh?
@Thuggie Luvvie,
No honestly, NOTHING of consequence happened that year. Every major sport champion was a repeat title that year, no presidential elections, no war, no legendary album (sorry Souls of Mischief), the top 3 grossing movie that year was Jurassic Park, Mrs. Doubtfire, and the Fugitive. The top hip hop single that year was Whoomp there it is . It might as well have not happened.
@Dorian G.,
Now, don’t be talmbout Jurassic Park like that. Those velociraptors were some bad heffas.
@Cheekie,
Then in part 3 (or 4?) they started talking to each other. First, and surprisingly not the last, time I’ve walked out of the theater.
@Dorian G,
LOL…yeah, I’ll give ya that. Ridiculousness.
@Dorian G.,
No honestly, NOTHING of consequence happened that year
i wouldnt say that. in fact, i think thats when overit lost her virginity
@Dorian G.,
you PISSED about ’93, ain’t ya?
@Champ
shots.fired.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
LOL no its because whenever me and my friends want to make up a date for something (like the pic of the post), we use 1993 only to add some flair to the year, because it was such a waste of 365 days.
@Dorian G.,
I have consulted the ALL-KNOWING wikipedia o_O, and it seems that you, my sir, are correct. 1993 was THE year that history forgot.
Carry on. You win this round.
@Dorian G. (and Thuggie Luvvie), not true. The standoff and siege with the Waco cult, the WTC bombing happened, and only the Bulls and Blue Jays repeated.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Cowboys stomped the Bills (even tho the Superbowl was technically played in 1994, it was the 1993 season)
If the waco cult standoff happened in 1997 no one would have cared, LOL@WTC bombing after 2001.
Champ
Good looks on the conspiracy theories.
While I enjoy the fact that the internet has allowed black folks to circulate information on issues that matter to us much more easily, I lament the fact that this information is not always factual or intelligent.
Sadly, it does not matter how much education or innate intelligence people possess, they are still susceptible to crazy theories passed to them in the form of forwarded emails. I have spent a lot of time debunking these theories with older and younger adults, who seem to believe that because something is written down in an email, it must be true.
I would add that the internet has truly exposed how poorly our schools educate young people. Whether it’s the inabilty of most people to think logically, or their horrible spelling (and I know I have issues too) the internet shines a light on the fact that degrees mean NOTHING.
Common sense is still rare.
@Big Man,
I was debating with cats yesterday about BS conspiracy theories. I find it funny how people will believe the most outlandish conspiracy theories but will remain ignorant or won’t believe things that are factual. e.g. former Goldman Sachs employees setting economic policy, global warming, and health care debate myths.
@Big Man,
So. Let me get this straight. Are you saying that the back of the dollar bill DIDN’T predict 9/11??? Surely, you jest o_O
@Thuggie Luvvie,
LMFAO. Folks had me folding up dollar bills every which way for that hot mess. I coulda bought a bag of 99cent potato chips during that wasted time.
@Cheekie,
naw 9/11 happend to silence the reparations talks………….. memba that they even apologized for slavery(like we give a shii) i want my 40 acres and a mule mofo i aint forgot
@Big Man,
I would add that the internet has truly exposed how poorly our schools educate young people
while this is true, i also think giving that much easy access to everyone made “writers” and “readers” out of people who, up until maybe 1994, wouldnt have been considered the reading and writing type.
@The Champ,
You mean 1993
Reasons they should have never given ninjas internet access at work:
Bloggers claim that they are having a BBQ. It’s a conspiracy theory.I have nothing.
Oh wait I do – F*ck Facebook for allowing any of my family members to have a page! What these B*tches want from a Ninja?!?!?!?!
@V Renee,
bbq deez
@The Champ,
Gladly.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
Extra crispy, please.
@V Renee, and Champ, and Me Fail
Actually a VSB bbq will be ridiculously easy to put together.
@Dorian G.,
I will certainly assist inthe planning. I just dont think ppl would let me hold the money.
You guys can trust me! Don’t worry, I’m not THAT black!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
I think the bigger problem will be you trying to have it in NYC. It makes the most sense to have it somewhere he in DC/MD in one of the parks or something.
@Dorian G.,
Yeah, the cost of hotel rooms for everyone would suck a$$. I agree it should be elsewhere on the eastern seaboard.. Philly or DC area since so many ppl seem to live there. September 19. BYOB drinks and I shall supply potato salad…
…and I dont care if nobody shows up. I’m coming anyway, doggie bags in tow.
#2 nd #3 kill me. lol #2 had me thinking about taking some bootified pics so I can get more followers on twitter. I you got “modelling” photos up, you are GUARANTEED!! 1000 followers. lol Twitter was a bad gift to negrodom as well…I don’t know how to feel about Jay-Z, TinyToya, and Frankie and Neffie being trending topics every other day. Made me want to shut my blog down. @pe.rich I seriously wish Facebook would stop worrying about me friending who I’m related too because I’m not!!!
@SOjdanielle,
#2 nd #3 kill me. lol #2 had me thinking about taking some bootified pics so I can get more followers on twitter. I you got “modelling” photos up, you are GUARANTEED!!
if you don’t post them on twitter, vsb will gladly accept
@SOjdanielle,
So is that you behind Singled Out?
Haha my humpday ghetto list why internet was bad
1) Craigslist: they neva thought pimps had computers wow they was hella wrong
2) Easy acess to anything: yea lil 16 year old reggie can buy ak47/bomb making materials/100 round drums using pops credit card.
2a) pron: yea even easier access i member being a 13yr old in the school library with all the guys around checkin out the dirty sites lolol printing out hella pictures and putting in out math teachers scratch paper box lololol
3) AOL/any other chat: lil gary coleman can pretend to be denzel washington and nobody will know the diff.
4) Sports junkies: yea dudes like me have major knowledge of hella stats cause of the internet shiiii infomation highway mofo dont test my knowledge.
5) You tube: some people shouldnt be allowed to post stuff i mean i know eryone in berthas house think bertha is fine but she not that fine.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“1) Craigslist: they neva thought pimps had computers wow they was hella wrong”
Oh wow, I forgot about Craigslist. Whoo, there are some bottom of the barrel folks up in THERE, lemme tell ya…
@Cheekie,
craigslist got mo hoes than vegas and tha redlight district put together.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
Let me just say, I found out about a co-ed basketball league last year via a craigslist link sent to me by a friend. Though there are legitimate items on craigslist, it obviously has a bad rep, per convo below.
Mom: “So you found out about the basektball league from the prostitute website?”
Me: “It’s not a prostitute site mom, they have legitimate stuff on there too.”
She made me chuckle…
@K to the…,
HAHAHA @ that exchange.
@K to the…,
LOL. I love how the older generation reduces all modern technology to its ugliest feature.
Me: Ya know Auntie Bea is on facebook?
Mama English: They kill ppl on there ya know!
I dont know what the eff she was talkin about so I just did a 180 Heartbeats style turn so she was facing my back.
@K to the…, lol the med student who supposedly killed that prositute he found on craigslist or facebook or something, I think. My grandma was the first one to tell me about that. Hilarious. She was like “you aren’t that craigs list are you. Some man called Craig on the Facebook is killing folks in med school”
btw they neva shoulda gave ninjas craigslist but there are some hilarious local fetishes showin up there. The first time me and my girl found out there was pron on craigslist we went through the personals crackin up, all over different cities and stuff. There’s a LOT of italian men for trannies in jersey, married men who want to ‘try’ a woman with strap-on in parts of south, white couples looking for black men to join them in maryland, someplace west of east coast is like bondage central. Strange local sex customs. It is an education. I give all overweight 40-something men from the south the side-eye now. And musclehead dark italians in Jersey.
Unrelated…
…but VSSs smack me upside my head and make me ignore my Mr. Big! Why did dude just hit me up again talmbout, “Damn, I was thinkin we could be civil.”
Civil for what fool?!?! We don’t got kids and you dont pay me alimony. Why cant I just continue ignoring your punk ass???
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
LOL @ “civil”. You need to civily ignore him. Reeks of baiting to me…
*smacks your Mr Big outta your head*
@Cheekie,
He’s totally baiting me with his passive aggressive ass. Thinks he’s hot isht just cause he knows big words like “underlying” and “email”
Eff him!
literally , I wishP.S. Doesn’t help that Aiden’s boring ass is texting me about…wait for it…SALAD! Yup. I swear if he so much as mentions a crouton I’m forwarding these texts to Panama (or whoever did that Mind Sex post). smh
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
I’m mad your life is an episode of SATC.
*snort*
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
Eff him! literally , I wish
oh decisions decisions… the way me and my son’s father go through it sometimes I wish for an Aiden… who knows???
@pgh muse,
ED, “Big” makes me weak and dumb and the whole time I was plotting my escape I was wishing for an “Aiden”. Now that Aiden’s here and I feel all smart and strong I just wanna test out my newfound strength on dissing Big’s ass…
…but I’m secretly scared I’m not gonna diss him at all. He does bad things to my brain
@Me Fail,
Relationships are hard. Ionno. Me and mine have been arguing all morning and he just made me feel this small- and this time I deserve it (actually a lot of times I do – yet I still go batshit on him, maybe it’s those pesky xx chromosomes). Ionno. I will say that wanting to test ur strength on him to diss him may not be a good thing (I understand believe me I do), cuz U may lose and wind up getting caught up… but is that a bad thing? And is Aiden just a extended rebound?
@pgh muse,
I should mention my Aiden isnt nearly as corny as SATC Aiden. That’s my baby and he has his own edge to him too. If Im being 200% honest I know I’d rather be with Aiden than Big.
But damn it just be callin’ me… [/Pookie in New Jack] Big is like my effin crack addiction. I feel high with that dude.
Moral of the story: Lay off that crack kids
@ Me Fail,
Oh. Yeah… crack does kill… and so do ex’s that just want to pop their selves back up and disrupt perfectly good relationships.
Aiden for the victory 
:)
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
Hold up, you single now? I thought you was wrapped up and out the game? Unless I’m hideously wrong then nevermind lol
@Dorian G.,
Nah, I’m still attached. That’s who “Aiden” is.
“Big” is the evil demon who won’t release my soul from his Kung Fu grip (my ex before Aiden).
So far I’ve been ignoring him but he won’t leave me the eff alone!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
You could have made up a better name then Aiden. It sounds mad white and young, I thought you were talking about a baby or your coworker. Especially compared to Big – a legendary rapper
@Dorian G.,
I’ll give you a pass on laughing my a$$ off at you since you are a dude and I wouldn’t expect you to watch SATC unless you were… suspect.
@Dorian G.,
LMAO!!!!! Wow…it’s sooo apparent you’re not a fan. But that’s okay.
@Dorian G.,
LOL! They’re Sex and the City (SATC) characters. I knew all the VSSs would know which relationship archetypes I was talking about if used their names.
Aiden – The good-on-paper dude that does all the right things. Friends & family approve and want you to run off and have lots of babies with.
Big – Sets your soul on fire. Probably is no good for you, the “love” is inconstant, but when it’s good it’s Nirvana
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
No judging, but as a man its situations like this that are scary as hell. I mean I know you said that if you’re honest you’ll choose the man thats good to you, but still. The fact that you’re entertaining an old flame and I’m happy go lucky Aiden is probably one of the scariest thoughts ever.
@Dorian G.,
No offense taken. I expected the VSBs to be EXTRA tough with me, which is why my punk arse only consulted my “sisters”!
I’m a recovering Big-aholic and everyday is a struggle against my addiction. But the longer I ignore him, the easier it gets. It’s been a year and a half (or however long ago April 08 was???). One of these days I’ll just get my number changed. But right now I got my resume out there so that isht just gotta wait!
@Dorian G.,
Hey, I didn’t post that twice???
Why they never shoulda given folks the innanets (and e mail through sites like Facebook):
Improper (stupid) use of the “Reply to All” button.
Prime example… if any of you are fans/friends of TheFreshXpress on Facebook, you just saw this play out.
iCackled LOUDLY.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Oh sheet, for real? *rushes to Facebook as I am a friend/fan of FreshExpress*
@Cheekie,
*update*…I’m lost…what happened?
@Cheekie,
the girl who asked about her article hit the reply to all button… the moderator kind of pwned her.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Lol he pwned her professionally but STILL gave her the “Fool, is u stupid?” undertone. I loved every part of it
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I laughed SUPER hard when I saw the email and Sean replying to her to say “U just emailed 3,000 people”. LMAO!!! That was awesome.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
In my mind I heard him saying “you hit the reply to all button STUPID” in my head… hence the loud ass cackle that escaped my lips.
New commenter here. Perhaps this has been addressed long ago, but I’m reading my daily dose of VSB and thinking to myself… did I just get called the n-word? Why is this site called Very SMART Brothas and yet they throw around the n-word without a care? I mean seriously, you pretty much address all the black people in the world as the n-word in the title of this post.
@05girl,
the title and theme is a shout-out to the rick james skit from the chappelle show. if you haven’t seen it before go here:
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/chappelles_show/index.jhtml
also, since you’ve been here long enough to use the term “daily dose”, you should know by now that we intentionally cut holes through the politically correct barbwire from time to time. this definitely aint the website for the squeamish or easily offended
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
Damn you took bout 300 words to say: you mad ni99a?
@Dorian G.,
OMG, get thee to the corner. lol
@Dorian G.,
We would have also accepted:
“Ni66a, u mad???”
lol. Welcome and sh*t tho.
#1 Annoys me the most, especially the females that update their status hourly about how terrible the men in their life are. I feel bad for the men dating them. Women go from quoting from the “Ego” song to talking about how their man ain’t sh*t. I think blasting your man on facebook not only makes him look bad but it makes you look bad too. We all know there are men out there not paying child support, don’t have jobs, have many girlfriends, and cheat. Typing this info into your FB status is NOT appropriate.
@Ivy St., those are the same broads who will never just pick up and leave, same types who think there aren’t other fish, same types who think “alone” means “lonely”…same girls who simply like the drama that gets them attention and a pity party.
Another Facebook fail.
When someone changes their relationship status, WHY do folks deem it necessary to comment under it, talmbout “WHHHAAATTT??? That fool aint sh*t! What he do?? Call me gurl” or the “AAAWWWW boo you aight? You want me to come over while you cry all night in your muu-muu??” The opposite is someone who gets in a relationship and they get like 10 comments saying “Finally!!!” or “Damn, she got you, huh”. Everytime I see this, my eye twitches. No…just NO!
Who in the h8ll asked yall for opinions? Saddown!
@Thuggie Luvvie, it’s for this reason that I’m so glad that I neglected to put a relationship status in the first place… and I have no intentions on adding one until I get married (maybe) or something….I have no desire to include all my friends, associates, coworkers and family members on the in the minute by minute details of my relationships or lack thereof
Uhhhh….
cinnamon poptarts though?
ewwww
How many black people did you poll to acquire this information?
@Linnea,
“How many black people did you poll to acquire this information?”
The usual… just himself
@Linnea,
lol. I was thinking that too. Since when do black folks eat pop tarts? This must be one of those things Champ’s wishing into existence like our alleged mayo aversion.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
LOL!!! I totally forgot about the mayo aversion.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
“Since when do black folks eat pop tarts?”
LOL…I raised The Rock eyebrow for that too. lol
I never liked them things.
@Cheekie,
Wth? I’m the only brotha that likes pop tarts?
@Humble_One,
**stands with you in Pop Tart Liking Solidarity**
I like Pop Tarts…. when I’m not training. Which is like… all the freaking time now. So its been a minute… but I have fond memories of Pop Tarts.
@Humble_One,
I love Pop Tarts. Like I love cooked food.
Since I’m “internet thick”, they’re no longer on the list of things I eat regularly. RIP my love of pop tarts (1984-2003)
Team Chunk!!!
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
Since when do black folks eat pop tarts?
Oh snap! Black folk don’t eat pop tarts? I knew it…I’m not black!
Can anyone explain why we used asterisk or certain symbols to put incurse words when we know damn well what the curse word is?
Is their some sort of internet etiquette that i am unaware of, since we’re discussing ‘nuccas on the internet’?
@The Hallway,
It’s because The Man (i.e. some employers) block readers from using websites that have cussin’ and carrying on.
@Cheekie,
If you only knew what I went through to be able to log on and comment. I need ya’ll to keep using asterisks and euphemisms.
Please and thank you.
@miss t-lee,
Yeah, before I found out about the blocking, I also wondered about people doing it on the internets like, “Um, the asterisk doesn’t stop you from saying it in your MIND!! Why you being self-righteous?”, but then when I found out about potty words causing limited blog viewership, I was like, “Oh. Smart choice, then!”
@miss t-lee & cheekie,
thank you both ya’ll schooled a brotha. I see you two like to tag team on comments, great strategy.
@The Hallway,
“thank you both ya’ll schooled a brotha. I see you two like to tag team on comments, great strategy.”
*nods*
Me fail is guilty of this, too.
@The Hallway,
I’m feeling nervous about the term “tag team”, but you’re welcome.
Looking forward to the blog…
@Cheekie,
Sho’ do
@miss t-lee,
For the good of the people we must say F*CK, S#IT and D@MN.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Yes ma’am!!!
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I like to get phonetic on em
like FAH Q
or ShEEeeht
Or Fuhck
n Cecks
This is for my @ work Ni&&as
@WuDaMan,
“like FAH Q
or ShEEeeht
Or Fuhck
n Cecks
This is for my @ work Ni&&as”
I can decipher all of the above, but it mirrorerd the dreaded text-speak and it kinda gave me an eye seizure. Need to refocus my eyes right now…
@Cheekie,
Yeah my sweargliphs are somthing like magic eye.
phuKin right
@The Hallway,
Wait, just saw your blog. Looks promising! Gotta bookmark that ish. And you in the Chi? Did I not know this at one time before? I kinda feel like I did, but…I don’t remember. Regardless: *throws up The C*
@miss t-lee,
LOL @ being nervous about term tag team. Valid concern.
@Cheekie,
a new
way to be unproductive for 8 hoursblog??I’m in. I’ll prally add him to my blogroll.
Hallway… welcome to Famous.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Well thank u. I had a blackberry joke, but you know stuff that’s not as funny if you could say it instead of write it, well its one of those.
Thank u again though.
@Cheekie and miss t-lee,
FOR A BRIEF INTERMISSION:
I also too, had some underlying compulsive feeling while I typed this term tag team… hence I feel that, you guys can tag team my comments anytime:)
and panama told me ‘chicks dig the smiley faces’
NOW BACK TO VSB OUR REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
@The Hallway,
*cough*
@The Hallway,
Ahem.
@Cheekie and twinny T-Lee
why are y’all playing into his HANDS? (pun very much intended)
@BlackBerry Molasses ,
I am miss t-lee, this is what I do.
*giggling*
@Cheekie,
Chi-town represent!
I finally started a blog too! Um, my first post isn’t as straight to the point as Hallway’s, but hey…I’s arrived!
andeyewonder.blogspot.com.
Amber Rose plug (Totally shameless)
Good evening!
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i love cinnamon pop-tart…that is all