6. as of monday, november 30th, 2009, i’ve officially filed “since i’m not a billionaire, i don’t think i’d have any chance of getting the benefit of the doubt if any random legal mess occurred” as reason #137 on the champ’s list of “137 completely practical and non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date a white woman”
—the last random thought listed in yesterdays ‘six things i’ve thought about tiger woods, elin nordegren, and golfgate’.
although the tone of my writing might occasionally paint a different picture, i actually don’t dislike white women at all, and i really appreciate a few of their unique talents.
they gave us natalie portman and the best teacher i ever had (r.i.p., sister roberta). they also usually make for great senators, copy-editors, and baristas, and no one is better at running “corporate game” (the ability to use office politics and mores to their benefit) than a professional white woman. in fact, some of my best friends have friends who know people who have married them.
despite this, i wasn’t using any hyperbole yesterday when i mentioned having “137 completely practical and non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date one”. although actually having 137 reasons why you havent dated someone of a different race seemingly contradicts the whole “non-racist” thing, this list is comprised of more personal quirks and odd idiosyncrasies than anything else
while time and space and liz prevent me from naming all 137, i’ve decided to share four of them today.
reason #37: i’m a context snob
everybody is allowed at least one somewhat shallow relationship deal-breaker. for me, it’s a woman not understanding certain simple pop cultural references and allusions, because that forces me to either always provide context or just completely shutter like 40 percent of my daily lexicon
since this is true, i can’t even imagine how turned off i’d be if i always had to explain why i never learned how to swim or why none of us know the second verse of “lift ev’ry voice and sing” or why grape kool-aid goes better with steak and fries than red.
reason #71: the approaching conundrum, part 1
a bi-product of my belief that women shouldn’t romantically pursue men is the dozens of “random things to say to spark interest” bagging techniques i’ve picked up over the years.
thing is, these techniques were learned through 15-18 years of exclusively approaching sistas, and i’m not sure how well they would translate. i mean, how would tried and true conversation starters like “damn. that dress really complements your skin” or “hey, didnt i see you on the alpha boat ride last month?” or “f*ck beyonce” work with a white woman? i’d have absolutely nothing left to say
“but, what if an attractive white woman actually approaches you?“, i hear you asking, a question that leads us to…
reason #72: the approaching conundrum, part 2
from what i’ve seen, the type of white woman who is bold enough to publicly approach and romantically pursue a black man usually isn’t attracted to black guys like me. while i’m plenty pretty and definitely black, they tend to go for guys who are either a bit “blacker” (ie: cent, 50 or jackson, panama), or prettier (ie: moore, shemar or williams, wendy)
reason #106: i can be a bit of an over-neurotic b*tch
basically, if you’re the type of guy who’d stress about giving your seat on the bus to a standing young white woman because you didn’t want to rest of the predominately black bus to think that you were a “only giving seats to pretty white women ass” n*gga, publicly dating and sporting one probably isn’t the best idea for you
anyway, people of vsb, we’ve talked before about interracial dating and whether we’ve done it, are currently doing it, or wouldn’t mind eventually doing it, but we’ve never really explored the why.
im curious: what has shaped your personal feelings regarding interracial couplings, and why exactly do you feel that way?
we’re all family and sh*t. don’t be scared to share