For Colored People Still Thinking About Dating Interracially When Watching Get Out Wasn’t Enough » VSB

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For Colored People Still Thinking About Dating Interracially When Watching Get Out Wasn’t Enough

Universal Pictures

 

By the time you read this, you’ll have had more than enough time (two whole weekends, b!) to have seen Jordan Peele’s instant classic flick, Get Out. If you haven’t watched it… get your life together. I’m not usually one for horror movies, but I am one for doing things for the culture, and Get Out was personal for me.

A few years ago in an unnamed Texas town (Dallas), I casually dated a guy of the 2520 variety who seemed great. He was a teacher, we had mutual friends, and he even helped my best friend move into her apartment in the heat of the Dallas summer. It wasn’t love, but I didn’t need it to be. We hung out for a few weeks, going on dates and watching soccer together… until one day when we met for happy hour and had a conversation, during which he told me he had to stop seeing me. I didn’t ask him why because it didn’t matter to me. But he seemed adamant to provide an explanation: he told me his parents wouldn’t be cool with me being Black.

Dear reader, I had been (and, yes, continue to be) Black throughout the entire time he knew me. No Rachel Dolezal. Granted, I might have eaten fries with mayonnaise in front of him. But I was then and remain a Black woman.

I’ll never forget the embarrassment that ensued over being broken up with for such a dumb reason or the sadness that I felt. I felt these things not for me, but for him. Zora Neale Hurston said it best: “Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” 

Fast forward to 2014, when I realized that the guy I was seeing at the time was something special and that we might be exploring a future together. I shared this previous negative experience with my now-partner (Spoiler: He’s white.) and asked if his parents and family would be okay with my ethnicity. His answer was reassuring and so far drama in our relationship has only occurred when our soccer teams play each other (Go Gunners!). So when I first saw the trailer for Get Out late last year, I knew I had to see it with my beau.

You see: it brought me back to that summer in Dallas and also made me thankful that the family I got to meet and was welcomed into hasn’t been anything like the horror that our boy Chris experiences. (Who’s Chris? Dude. Just go watch the movie or at least the trailer.)

Get Out is not only a thriller, but a cautionary tale, and for those of us who have navigated interracial dating stresses, a catharsis. Chris (and I) did that, so hopefully you won’t have to go through that. So, you might be asking: how does one date interracially after seeing Get Out? CAN one even date interracially after seeing Get Out? The memes might say no, but I got you covered.

1. Don’t

Just kidding. Love is love is love is love, etc.

(Editor’s note: I actually have love is love tattooed on me. Not because of interracial dating, but because of Cappadonna’s verse on Method Man’s Sweet Love. I made interesting decisions in my 20s. Anyway, I agree that people should continue to find love where ever they find it and shit. But I wouldn’t be surprised if people currently dating interracially imposed two-week-long moratoriums on their relationships after seeing Get Out, just to thoroughly vet their beau’s families. Rose Armitage set race relations back further than Miracle Whip did.)

2. Get to know your white people

The first red flag should have been how dismissive old girl was of Chris’s feelings. They should have had a mutual understanding regarding what he was about to walk into. Yes, this would have negated the need for the actual movie, but Chris didn’t want to be saved and you might; we’re talking about real life here. Photos should have been shared, if not on social media, than with her nearest and dearest. And yes, a heads up should have been given, not solely for Rose’s parents well-being, but for Chris’s, as well. Our ninja.

3. Be prepared for awkward situations

People, even well-meaning ones, say stupid things. Your white bae, his or her friends, and their family members might say things to try to make you feel comfortable around them or to show that they’re “down.” You have to establish your personal threshold for shenanigans and decide how to navigate the conversation.  You may feel like that’s your burden to lead them to the Promised Land but I promise: it’s not your responsibility to teach anyone, or to explain why saying they would’ve voted for Obama for a third term, really means nothing.

4. Listen to your friends

In terms of the best friend Mount Rushmore, it’s Joe Biden, Donnie Trumpet, Molly, and TSA’s finest, Rod Williams. There are memes aplenty about how good a friend Rod is, and with good reason. Look, everyone deserves a friend who will look out for your best interest and make sure that you won’t end up on the back of a milk carton. Seriously, you have to watch Get Out.

So, my brothers and sisters, don’t let this wonderful movie break up your happy home or deter you from finding your bliss with a lover of a different color. Just stay woke and keep your tea bottled, not stirred.

Kayle Barnes

Kaylé Barnes reps Texas (Houston) by way of seven different states. She dabbles in writing, and makes a living and a life working at a nonprofit. She is not a hipster, she's just hip a lot.

  • ~*V. von Schweetz*~

    I still haven’t seen it yet. I know, I know! It’s not for lack of trying tho… On Tuesdays when it’s $5 at one theater and $6 at another. I’ll see it tomorrow tho. Really.

  • Lara

    I am willing to have black girlfriends (don’t have any currently), but I won’t date a black man. I think it would just be a matter of time before the difference of my views on race relations and his views would cause too much conflict. Black women don’t care as much so it isn’t an issue.

  • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

    Better the devil you know than the one you don’t. Coffee any day. Straight. Bitter and potent.

  • I don’t think a movie would deter someone who has a “preference” from dating out

    • miss t-lee

      I don’t either.

  • i heard Russians are cute….

    besides they’re going to be our overlords anyway

    • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

      Ummmm, Hhhh…I thought you were spoken for.

    • Tam

      You are going to order a bride. Wouldn’t @AfroPetite:disqus have something to say about that?

  • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

    If I was to ever dip my toe into that side of the pool, I’m pretty sure I could handle white people.

    Not sure how I’d do with a woman that was neither Black nor white though – probably do something to embarrass myself.

  • Ursula Howell

    I’ve never dated outside of my race but I’m still open to it despite, Get Out. Also, go Kayle!

  • Thus far, no pork on my fork. The thought of a mainstream Thanksgiving with white bae’s family gives me heebie jeebies. #greenbeancasserole

    • Kylroy

      If it’s any consolation, White people don’t really like it either.

      • miss t-lee

        I believe it. It’s garbage.
        I feel people serve because they feel like they should, like fruitcake.

        • Kylroy

          Bingo. I know nobody likes it because it is never, *never* served outside of a Thanksgiving spread where everyone is free to fill up on food they actually like.

          • miss t-lee

            Placeholder on the table.

        • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

          I’ve actually had good green bean casserole, though.

          • miss t-lee

            Lies, fairy tales and fallacies.

            • JulianWithTheRedCorvette

              Lots and lots of hamhocks, bacon fat and caramelized onions.

          • Kylroy

            You can have “good” green bean casserole the way you can have California “pizza”. Just because it’s tasty and technically similar doesn’t mean it’s the same thing.

          • BatmansExWife

            I had Easter dinner with my last bf in 2013. He was white, and they served it. I ate it. It was good for what it was.

        • Kylroy

          Irony is that I *like* fruitcake, but I know it’s just tradition and obligation that keeps it on the shelves.

        • LMNOP

          My sisters friend brought it to thanksgiving once, I felt like it would be rude not to put a little on my plate. It was nasty.

          • miss t-lee

            LOL

      • I’ll never forgive my mom for feeling herself after she bought those damn Rachael Ray pots and pans. Ninja tried serving green bean casserole one night, with the crunchy onions and all, and it remained untouched. No.

        • miss t-lee

          My cousin brought it once to Thanksgiving, and then had the nerve to get mad at us because nobody ate any…lol

          • It’s an easy way to #shETHER your trustworthiness at dinner time.

            • miss t-lee

              For.
              Real.

        • Jennifer

          What a way to mess up some perfectly good green beans. Ugh.

      • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

        Green bean casserole or having Thanksgiving with white families?

        • Kylroy

          Yes.

          (Well, 100% “A”, variable but I’ll say ~50% on “B”.)

    • Why does green bean casserole catch so much heat. It is delicious!

      • Question

        No.

      • miss t-lee
        • Question

          Green bean casserole is up there with ambrosia or whatever that fruity jello mess is called…

          • miss t-lee

            There’s only one Ambrosia I ever liked and it was my grandmother’s.
            Cool whip, pecans, cool whip, cranberries. Das it.

          • “Trash” is what it’s called.

        • Whatever. More for me.

          • miss t-lee

            You right. All of it for you.

      • No.

      • It’s the covered dish of Trump’s America.

      • guest9900

        I agree its actually good. I’ve only had it once. I was extremely hungry. And there was nothing else to eat. But yeah. totally delicious.

        • Kylroy

          If you’re sufficiently hungry, *pet food* is delicious. I know my diet’s kicking in when my reaction to kitty feeding time goes from ” *sniff* ugh, cat kibble” to ” *sniff* mmm, cat kibble”.

    • Ess Tee

      Heh. “No pork on my fork.”

    • MsCee

      I’m so here for this green bean casserole shade…who tf decided those things make a good combination?

  • Valerie

    Are one night stands considered dating them? Guess not. Had white, hispanic, asian and blasian but never entered into anything serious with them even though they wanted to.

    All my exes from serious relationships have been black.

    • miss t-lee

      No.

    • What’s pink paynus like?? Is Asian paynus small?

      • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

        I want to know about the Chinese

        • Me too! For the record, some notable Asian photographer committed suicide recently. I saw a few of his pics and there were lots of nude Asian men. They had some decent sized schlongs.

          • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

            K.

          • miss t-lee

            He had some neat photographs, sadly I hadn’t heard of him until his death.

        • Valerie

          The rumors weren’t true with him.

          • Do tell!

            • Valerie

              He was my kickboxing instructor LOL

              • Other_guy13

                Stereotypical

                • Valerie

                  :-( He was teaching me how to be more flexible to kick better.

                  • Other_guy13

                    You not making this better

                    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                      Yes she is. Hush OG.

                    • Valerie

                      I can’t believe ya’ll are believing my obviously trolling.
                      He was instructor, saw him everyday. We hung out a few times, dassit lol

                    • Other_guy13

                      It seemed like a good episode of “Being Mary Jane” lol. I’m okay with the Chinese love though…wypo I have an issue with lol

                    • Valerie

                      He was actually Japanese. I maybe should have taken him more seriously he was a very nice man, I guess I wasn’t ready.

                    • Other_guy13

                      Nooo you one of them….smh. Nah I was the same way….I had a Mexican woman who was amazing but I was still tryna play these streets. Live and learn.

                    • Valerie

                      He still calls me so there’s hope lol

          • miss t-lee

            I ain’t mad.

      • Sweet Potato Kai ?

        Pink.

      • BatmansExWife

        Pink, and lolllllll………….

      • Valerie

        Wasn’t pink. He wasn’t one of the pale ones.

      • blueevey

        Gross. Reminds me of a dog’s

      • April Spraggins

        um, before I saw one in action, I imagined the “pink” ones when activated would heat up and turn red hot like a poker.

    • Humble braggin this morning?

    • Other_guy13

      No they don’t count according to my past dating historians. One nighters are not counted.

      • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

        Is that how you manage to say you never swirled? The student has truly become the master.

        • Other_guy13

          I dipped my toe in but never went swimming.

    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      If we are comparing notes, mine is embarrassingly not competitive to yours.

      • Valerie

        It’s not a competition lol. I knew and interacted with them before

  • Mary Burrell

    Laughing at the title of this article.???

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