For Colored People Still Thinking About Dating Interracially When Watching Get Out Wasn’t Enough » VSB

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For Colored People Still Thinking About Dating Interracially When Watching Get Out Wasn’t Enough

By the time you read this, you’ll have had more than enough time (two whole weekends, b!) to have seen Jordan Peele’s instant classic flick, Get Out. If you haven’t watched it… get your life together. I’m not usually one for horror movies, but I am one for doing things for the culture, and Get Out was personal for me.

A few years ago in an unnamed Texas town (Dallas), I casually dated a guy of the 2520 variety who seemed great. He was a teacher, we had mutual friends, and he even helped my best friend move into her apartment in the heat of the Dallas summer. It wasn’t love, but I didn’t need it to be. We hung out for a few weeks, going on dates and watching soccer together… until one day when we met for happy hour and had a conversation, during which he told me he had to stop seeing me. I didn’t ask him why because it didn’t matter to me. But he seemed adamant to provide an explanation: he told me his parents wouldn’t be cool with me being Black.

Dear reader, I had been (and, yes, continue to be) Black throughout the entire time he knew me. No Rachel Dolezal. Granted, I might have eaten fries with mayonnaise in front of him. But I was then and remain a Black woman.

I’ll never forget the embarrassment that ensued over being broken up with for such a dumb reason or the sadness that I felt. I felt these things not for me, but for him. Zora Neale Hurston said it best: “Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” 

Fast forward to 2014, when I realized that the guy I was seeing at the time was something special and that we might be exploring a future together. I shared this previous negative experience with my now-partner (Spoiler: He’s white.) and asked if his parents and family would be okay with my ethnicity. His answer was reassuring and so far drama in our relationship has only occurred when our soccer teams play each other (Go Gunners!). So when I first saw the trailer for Get Out late last year, I knew I had to see it with my beau.

You see: it brought me back to that summer in Dallas and also made me thankful that the family I got to meet and was welcomed into hasn’t been anything like the horror that our boy Chris experiences. (Who’s Chris? Dude. Just go watch the movie or at least the trailer.)

Get Out is not only a thriller, but a cautionary tale, and for those of us who have navigated interracial dating stresses, a catharsis. Chris (and I) did that, so hopefully you won’t have to go through that. So, you might be asking: how does one date interracially after seeing Get Out? CAN one even date interracially after seeing Get Out? The memes might say no, but I got you covered.

1. Don’t

Just kidding. Love is love is love is love, etc.

(Editor’s note: I actually have love is love tattooed on me. Not because of interracial dating, but because of Cappadonna’s verse on Method Man’s Sweet Love. I made interesting decisions in my 20s. Anyway, I agree that people should continue to find love where ever they find it and shit. But I wouldn’t be surprised if people currently dating interracially imposed two-week-long moratoriums on their relationships after seeing Get Out, just to thoroughly vet their beau’s families. Rose Armitage set race relations back further than Miracle Whip did.)

2. Get to know your white people

The first red flag should have been how dismissive old girl was of Chris’s feelings. They should have had a mutual understanding regarding what he was about to walk into. Yes, this would have negated the need for the actual movie, but Chris didn’t want to be saved and you might; we’re talking about real life here. Photos should have been shared, if not on social media, than with her nearest and dearest. And yes, a heads up should have been given, not solely for Rose’s parents well-being, but for Chris’s, as well. Our ninja.

3. Be prepared for awkward situations

People, even well-meaning ones, say stupid things. Your white bae, his or her friends, and their family members might say things to try to make you feel comfortable around them or to show that they’re “down.” You have to establish your personal threshold for shenanigans and decide how to navigate the conversation.  You may feel like that’s your burden to lead them to the Promised Land but I promise: it’s not your responsibility to teach anyone, or to explain why saying they would’ve voted for Obama for a third term, really means nothing.

4. Listen to your friends

In terms of the best friend Mount Rushmore, it’s Joe Biden, Donnie Trumpet, Molly, and TSA’s finest, Rod Williams. There are memes aplenty about how good a friend Rod is, and with good reason. Look, everyone deserves a friend who will look out for your best interest and make sure that you won’t end up on the back of a milk carton. Seriously, you have to watch Get Out.

So, my brothers and sisters, don’t let this wonderful movie break up your happy home or deter you from finding your bliss with a lover of a different color. Just stay woke and keep your tea bottled, not stirred.

Kayle Barnes

Kaylé Barnes reps Texas (Houston) by way of seven different states. She dabbles in writing, and makes a living and a life working at a nonprofit. She is not a hipster, she's just hip a lot.

  • KB!!!

    I need to go see this picture at some point.

    • Jennifer

      What are you waiting for, Wu?

      • For the most part I think horror movies are pretty stupid (they are up there with Lifetime movies to me). I do want to see this but it’s one of those things that I can wait a few weeks to do.

        • Jennifer

          It’s been said in other comment sections, but I would go see it while it’s popular for the…uhhh…”cultural commentary” from the audience.

          • PhlyyPhree

            I was JUST talking to a friend about that. She was recommending that I definitely see it “amongst family” and I figured I needed to go see it soon before there wouldn’t be any “family” left in the theater.

            • Jennifer

              She’s right…and half of your cousins have seen it already. Go! lol

        • How is it a horror film? Does anyone die?

          • Kylroy

            Paranoia and violent death, and yes.

            • Oh ok. I’m still not really interested in watching it but I’m glad people have enjoyed it.

            • I love gore. Kill Bill is my favorite film.

          • It’s been pitched as a horror/psychological thriller.

            • Well I’m still trying to see Split.

          • Hugh Akston

            It’s not

            It’s a sci fi

            It really wasn’t that dark

            More like a thriller but even then that’s only the last part of the movie

            • So it’s an overrated film?

              • Hugh Akston

                Unsure if overrated

                But the plot itself and how the movie is being represented is somewhat misleading

                • So….overrated and false advertisement.

                  • Jennifer

                    lol, I’ll chime and say I went into the movie really skeptical, but was pleasantly surprised about how much fun I had. I’m glad the advertising has been vague. It spoils the fun.

                  • Hugh Akston

                    lol to a fault

            • It isn’t sci fi at all. Literally has nothing to do with the implications of any type of science on humanity.

              • Hugh Akston

                It’s about transferring subconsciousness into a different body using psychological hypnosis and brain surgery and prolonging ones life

                Yep have nothing to do with sci fi

                • It’s not about that at all. It’s a plot point to offer an explanation, but if they changed it to witchcraft nothing changes.

                  • Kylroy

                    By that standard, Star Wars isn’t sci-fi – it says nothing about the relationship between humanity and technology. And yes, there *are* people who argue that, but they don’t get a lot of purchase in pop culture.

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      StarWars is Science Fantasy

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I hear the HU Alumni die every time one of your sports teams takes the field of play.

            • Our girls basketball team is the #2 seed this week for MEAC play so try again.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                IF they win the MEAC, they just become fodder for the UCON women’s squad. Besides, this is HU women’s basketball, you know the campus ain’t checking for them. When they are on ESPN, there’s like 20 people in the gym not including the two teams playing.

                • Let me know what record your son’s school has for men’s basketball because it’s dismal. I’ve seen them play live. Garbage is actually giving them a compliment.

                  • Sigma_Since 93

                    My son is still in HS. I know where you were going with the comment but that sorry 2-28 team still has more folks in the stands than the HU women’s squad. It’s a shame since the women’s game is good.

                    • Well isn’t that where he wants to go? Send that man to Howard. Then he can be Alpha Chapter once the time comes. Attendance doesn’t take away from the team record.

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      He’s decided he’s going to follow in Keegan-Michael Key’s footsteps and attend Penn State. Daddy wanted him to attend A&T for reasons…

                    • Ehhhh I guess Penn is alright. Congrats to him!

          • Nicholas Peters

            More of a psychological thriller.

    • Bah Debo

      Me too….I’ve had to skip VSB articles (so damnshameful) simply because I haven’t seent the movie!!

      Going to have to make it an after work plan this week…

      • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

        Same problem for me with skipping posts.

    • miss t-lee

      I still haven’t seen it.
      Not sure I will ever see it.

      • I’ll do so eventually… I think.

        • miss t-lee

          HA!

      • AlwaysPi7

        Me neiher. If i do, it will be on home box office.

        • miss t-lee

          Ha! If even then…lol

    • no you don’t.

      go see Logan instead.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Why not see both….

      • Bah Debo

        Logan was…everything a wolverine movie should be. Just wish the others had been like this too

    • PetiteKBee

      Hello, old friend. And yes, yes you do.

  • Man I was bumping Sweet Love the other day. Memories.

  • Hugh Akston

    Unsure why folks want to date nowadays let alone be in an interracial* relationship…especially now days..but kudos to them

    And for the life of me can someone explain to me why people keep saying this was a horror movie?

    It’s pretty much a sci fi for me…uhh I will fear no evil?

    • Bah Debo

      why date? people ain’t trying to be celibate…companionship and all that…I think

      • HouseSublime

        Seriously. We’re biologically social animals. We date because we’ve evolved to interact and be social.

    • Sweet Potato Kai ?

      How do people get to know each other workout dating? Text? This is a real question!

    • LMNOP

      Oh, Father Hugh, never miss a chance to share your message.

      • miss t-lee

        Father Hugh stay evangelizing.

    • PhlyyPhree

      Sooooo…..
      If you don’t date, what do you do? I mean…there has to be conversation at some point besides “yes, no, right there and more lube”, no?

      • Sweet Potato Kai ?

        ? more lube? QTNA

        • PhlyyPhree

          Lol. That doesn’t need a question, I’ve already provided the answer. Sometimes life needs more lube!

          • Sweet Potato Kai ?

            My next t-shirt ?

            “Sometimes life needs more lube!”

            • Jennifer

              Think of the marketing opportunities! You can sell it to mechanics and freaks.

            • PhlyyPhree

              I’m here for it. Id love to wear it to work just for the reactions

      • LMNOP

        I don’t date and I get that people have reasons for that, but it does get lonely and I’m not sure why Hugh is so concerned with pushing singleness.

        • PhlyyPhree

          I mean….
          I just don’t understand. Like, I get dating if you want to be single and alone (not lonely, there’s a difference)
          But if you’d like to be hooked up at some point…How Sway?

          • Alessandro De Medici

            Wait, what’s the difference?

            • Sweet Potato Kai ?

              Just like you can be in a room full of people and be lonely, but not alone. Maybe no one is talking to you etc.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Between being lonely and being alone?
              Being lonely is wanting companionship and not being able to have it for whatever reason.
              Being alone is not necessarily desiring companionship but being in a space to accept it IF it should come.

          • LMNOP

            I think most people get lonely from time to time, in a relationship or not. People have a lot of reasons for not dating, it’s not always because they want to be alone.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Ahhhhh ok.
              I think I understand what you’re saying.
              My question was more so because Hugh simply said “don’t date” period and I took that to mean, “don’t date ever. Smang if you want, but don’t date em”.
              Of course, that was a hugeeeee a ss gross assumption on my part, but I like my assumptions. Lol

        • miss t-lee

          Have you just decided that’s it? Or are you on the shelf for a period of time?

          • LMNOP

            I’m not really sure.

            • miss t-lee

              Nothing wrong with that.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          I didn’t realize you didn’t date.

      • miss t-lee

        LMFAO

        • PhlyyPhree

          What? I was serious…..
          …mostly

    • Freebird

      Sometimes your message is a lot. But seriously the way men and women approach dating so distristfully most should stop. They fcuk up the fun for the rest of us.

      • Alessandro De Medici

        Everybody’s trying to be James Bond in the dating game lol

      • Freebird

        This must be Nero Libre.

        Youre right….and like a good old Bond movie the world is not enough.

        • Hugh isn’t NL…NL is under another nom de plume

          • Freebird

            My response shud have gone under Alessandro De Medici

    • Janelle Doe

      You are very consistent in your messaging. I have read your comments on the relationship topic across many posts. Please run for political office so you can have my vote
      :-)

    • you sound like me 2 years ago.

      that’s not bad…or good. just noticing.

      and yeah it wasn’t a horror movie

      • Kylroy

        What missing element keeps it from being a horror movie?

        • low body count for starters IMO

          • Kylroy

            For me it’s all about tone. The Shining had a final body count, from beginning to end, of 2.

    • Tam

      Father Hugh, sigh

      • Hugh Akston

        hey Tam :)

        • Tam

          Hey sweetie.

  • Jennifer

    I’m wondering if I should start alluding to “Get Out” in my online dating profile — just to let the potential 2520s boos know they can’t trick me.

  • Duncan Frame

    Still waiting for Get Out to hit the UK but don’t want to miss out on all the memes…

  • Alessandro De Medici
  • PhlyyPhree

    Can we be friends???
    Because Method Man’s ‘Sweet Love’ is the greatest love song ever to me and “friends” are always disheartened that I’m usually referring to this and not the Anita version when I ask to play it at kickbacks.
    I dated interracially in HS.Thought I was safe because he was Jewish and you know, “they’re almost black”.
    Yea nah. Nothing is black but black as his parents were keen to tell lil 17 yo me.
    Still got some nice jewelry out of the deal though.

    • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

      Jewish are almost what again?! Girl.

      • PhlyyPhree

        It was a learning experience for me and that’s where we’ll leave that

        • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

          I wasn’t planning on continuing that conversation.

    • Kylroy

      Not White ? Black.

  • Black Love conquers all.

  • Never dated a white person. All of my partners have been black or brown. Don’t think I could even date a white Latina. If she’s Arabian or South Asian she needs to be brown.

  • Mary Burrell

    So many so many memes and think pieces and so many things in regards to intersection in regards to race politics to be derived from this one film. It’s really interesting to read them all.

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