i have a friend (greg) who gets into fights at least 3 or 4 times a year. this is no hyperbole.
in fact, the “3 or 4″ is just a best-case scenario baseline. when you combine his random bar fights with his various basketball-related skirmishes and his never-ending domestic issues (greg isn’t a woman-beater. his domestic issues usually involve whatever chick he’s seeing at the time throwing his fries out the passenger window after arguing while in line at a 24 hour wendy’s drive-thru), it could be as many as 7 or 8. if you stretch that over 10 years (the number of years we’ve known each other), you can easily say that greg has been in at least 50 fights this decade.
once every couple of months or so, greg will confide in me with some variant of “i’m getting too old for all of this fighting, man. i need to chill with this sh*t” and he’ll be completely sincere.
then, a month or so later, i’ll get a text from him asking if he can crash at my place for three days because his girl threw a foreman grill at him while he was in the shower, and he thinks they might need some time apart.
greg’s dilemma (he genuinely wants to stop fighting, but he still continues to do it because he doesn’t realize he’ll always get into fights as long as he continues to date hoodrats and hang at hoodrat nesting spots) almost completely mirrors the dilemma (many) men face regarding fidelity.
while it’s true that wanting to be faithful is really the only thing that keeps men faithful, i sincerely doubt that most men enter new relationships planning to step out on their women. but, like greg, many of them end up getting caught up as a result of a series of increasingly bad decisions.
here’s 5 ways to help avoid that from happening
***btw, although this list is addressed to men, many of these apply to women as well***
1. only commit if you’re 100 percent sure you actually want to
the single most important cheating deterrent occurs before you even enter the relationship. if you’re lukewarm about the whole relationship thing but still decide to go through with it, you already have one foot on the KY sponsored cheating slip ‘n slide machine, and it’s about to get f*cking windy.
2. remember that you’re a man
my girlfriend has numerous female friends. several of these friends are also my friends.
as friends do, we have conversations. we laugh and joke with each other. if we both happen to be in the same area, we might have lunch together. we usually hug when we greet each other. we might even dance with each other for a song or two at a club.
but, there’s also lines we just don’t cross. we’re not going to discuss each others sex lives. in fact, we’re not even going to have a private conversation about sex in any context. i’m not going to complain to them about something my girl did (that’s what male friends are for). we’re not making dinner plans with each other. no one is sitting on my lap, ever. we’re not going to talk on the phone while i’m in bed. they’re not going to chill at my place unless my girl is there, and we’re not going to chill together anywhere by ourselves if it’s after dark.
now, even though i have absolutely no desire to sleep with any of them (and i’m sure the feeling is mutual), they’re still women and i’m still a man. and, when you put a man and woman in enough intimate situations together, sh*t occasionally happens.
an innocent “hey, you wanna hang out tomorrow night and watch the steelers game?” can turn into “hey, you wanna finish this bottle of wine? i’d hate to just throw the rest of it way” which leads to “it’s cold. i’m going to get a blanket” which is followed by “you know, i never told you this, but…” and concludes with “this is so wrong. we shouldn’t be doing this…”
3. no more night-clubbing
you show me a man in a serious relationship who still goes clubbing twice a week like he’s single and i’ll show you a man that’s hanging for dear life on the edge of the cheating cliff.
you see, from the fact that guys pay for entrance fees and drinks while women have “free before midnight’ and ‘ladies with orange thongs drink for free” deals, to the perpetual radio, TV, and flyer nightclub promotions featuring nothing but women as their main attraction, clubs are places specifically designed for men to come and see as many women in one place as possible.
because of this, a man doesn’t go clubbing to chill with his boys or to dance. if we’re consistently at the club, and it’s not related to our occupation in some way, it’s to find chicks to bag and bone. that’s it. there’s no other reason.
women can do this because they’re all inherent cock-teases (more on this in a bit), but we’re just not built to be able to rub up against scantily clad and lascivious hoochies and snizzles and not want to get her number or buy her a drink or a BMW.
plus, from sports bars and fantasy sports to barbershops and BBQ’s, we have tons of other opportunities to bond with each other. night clubs ain’t for bonding or chillin for us. they’re for booty and booty potential…two things a relationship minded man should avoid.
4. don’t talk to cock-teasing assholes
***a relatively harmless random gchat conversation between a single man and a cock-tease acquaintance**
cock-teasing asshole: “you know what? i’ve been really horny for some reason recently. it’s like i’ve been fantasizing about every man that i see”
man “word? damn. expound. what do you mean? explain, please. in detail.”
cock-teasing asshole:“eh. that’s ok. i think i’ll just go home and watch some more wrestling”
***a relatively harmless random gchat conversation between a man in a relationship and a cock-tease acquaintance***
cock-teasing asshole:“you know what? i’ve been really horny for some reason recently. it’s like i’ve been fantasizing about every man that i see”
man: “you crazy. did i tell you about this great omelet i made this morning?”
cock-teasing asshole: “did you make your omelet with a heated skillet? just asking because i’ve been trying to find a way to incorporate one in the bedroom. did i ever tell you about the time in the greyhound station bathroom with the dominican twins…”
you see, most cock-teases are only interested in you if they think you’re not interested in them. and, even if you attempt to redirect the conversation, they have a way of turning the tease knob even further. just try your best to avoid these women at all costs (or, if that doesn’t work, just tell her you just broke up with your girl)
5. watch porn
while your girl might not initially approve, she’ll come around when she realizes she’d rather you get your rocks off to roxy reynolds than regina the rookie office intern.
—the champ
I think I’m big meech
womp womp
@ the TalentedMs.Fiasco
i’m guessing you beat me by mere seconds…
…ok, 2 whole minutes…well done Ms.Fiasco…
Congrats! *cues the music and confetti again*
Two days in a row? Cheekie, watch your thrown girl!
This is unreal though. I want to thank the Teflon Don aka Rick Ross aka Ricky Rozay aka Big Meech aka Larry Hoover aka MC Hammer aka Mr. I Have an Identiy Crisis. For putting out a cd that inspired me to quit school and start drug dealing! BAWSE
Very good album but man that guy is a phony.
@Ms Fiasco
#DEAD bwah hahahahahaha that was effin hilarious!
“Two days in a row? Cheekie, watch your thrown girl!”
*throne
lmfao, I’m an arse.
But, yeah, I’m watchin’…I’m watchin’. A good night’s rest is getting the best of me. WTF IS this world??
i expect a QB shoutout everytime.
it will never get old. LOL.
ps: BAWSE. hahahahahaa.
i haven’t heard the lp yet..but im sure i will at some point.
@ Talented Ms: L.M.A.O
Hey big Meech they let yall on the internet in prison. Hows that 30 year sentence going?
could it really be?
nope… bwahahaha
why not?
I figured I’d give it a shot, but DENIED! LOL! Congrats, Ms. Fiasco
I was gonna actually comment on the post, but from reading previous posts, I don’t think I’m allowed to do that until like, 20 posts in. *Kanye shrug*
Number 1 is key. A lot of women/men are too weak to make a commitment. Its the truth. They may hide it with the “I love being single”(some of them actually may love it) argument but the truth is they don’t have the devotion and willpower needed to stay with one person.
True that.
A lot of women/men are too weak to make a commitment. Its the truth. They may hide it with the “I love being single”(some of them actually may love it) argument but the truth is they don’t have the devotion and willpower needed to stay with one person.
good comment (although i’m not sure if it has anything to do with the topic)
Not sure if serious…
Number 2 and 4 are the ones I prolly think about most. I’m not a club monster. P*rn is already tucked away in a secret folder on my computer, and I don’t go into relationships just for the sake of it. I did that before and it turned into the most explosive
diarrheabreak-up in history.That sittin’ there talking about chex together is a bad idea. That’s how mind’s get curious and bottles get finished and trojans/warm towels get used. I just wrote about life in NYC and the increase in attention I’m getting here. Some chicks really do have an interesting way of turning the most normal conversation about weather into something about them being wet or really needing back realignment. Speaking of which, I just got a text…
I like. I agree with it all (well except the man part. I’m no man) #1 is one of those easier said than done things for most. The porn part? Hehe, no comment. Convos with cockteasers? Them h*es are reckless.I’m no clubber but you really think that a guy who goes to the club and is in a relationship…*drifts off because I just answered my own question*
Oh I don’t have a porn collection. Just ..places to go..
“Oh I don’t have a porn collection. Just ..places to go..”
expound and sh*t
Let me translate this: While I may not physically have a collection, I have web sites that I frequent where I may watch such extracurricular activities. For free.
Exactly!
Free = the best price evah.
ah.. free..
bless the internet.
I wanna know the text says… you brought it up.
Oh and I concur… Champeezy gave good points.
“P*rn is already tucked away in a secret folder on my computer”
why even keep it secret? it’s your computer and sh*t. on my comp you’ll find it on the desktop underneath a folder titled “masturbation videos”
im glad my mom isn’t computer savvy. if something should happen to me, hopefully a friend of mine screens my computer before it’s seen by family. lol.
You gotta get a trusted friend to promise you that, in the event that something goes down they can come in and sweep your place, no questions asked…lol Look into it.
I have a friend that knows where my toy chest is and to swiftly fetch it from my home if something unfortunate were to happen to me, would not want my parents rolling up on that.
You know what it is.
Unless your dad is helping you move and finds your box…then throws it away like he’s doing you a favor (and I had some good ones in there)…all while bestie stands there and says nothing but tells you later. (so much for trust)
HILARIOUS!
Did this really happen?
true story when I was moving into my townhouse. My best friend said my dad opening it and said “damn crazy girl” as he threw it in the garbage box….and she didn’t even make an excuse or recover it for me. Friends i tell ya.
OMG!!! Instant mortification!!!!
I might have nightmares about this scenario for weeks now.
That is funny as hell!!!
Were you at all uncomfortable after finding out that he saw your toy box or was your father acting different towards you after seeing it? I can’t begin to imagine the awkardness between my father & myself if that were to happen to me.
Yeah, my dad has been using my laptop while visiting… and I’ve been on pins and needles…
We don’t want a repeat of my mom’s visit a couple of years… when she decided to clean my bathroom and found “Godfrey” in all its blue glory!!!
make a guest account, it works
LMAO I can’t & I won’t…my little sis uses my comp frequently so it has be be hidden in an unmarked folder. But just like my toys, if someone finds the p**n or the toys then they were snooping and therefore deserved to find it. Word to my Mama & Daddy
Moral of the story: Look & you shall find
*thumbs up to the porn* I will never understand why some girls get mad because their dudes wanna watch it. I LOVE how you addressed the slippery slope syndrome in your 2nd point, folks don’t understand how easy it is for lines to be crossed, it’s better to not even put yourself in those types of situation.
I never had a problem with my ex watching porn, for this very reason…problem is when you start expecting me to be aurora jolie and ish, no. Those are porn stars…I’m (possibly) the future mother of your kids dude! I’m not expecting you to be a porn star for me. Yeah, when it started to show up in our real life, that’s when I was like babe, you may wanna back back a bit from youjizz dot com. Maybe we can block it, cause I understand it “be callin” you, New Jack City. Not healthy anymore.
*Dead*
But I agree. Its never a problem…unless it becomes a problem.
@j.ivy
“problem is when you start expecting me to be aurora jolie and ish”
if her gimmick is the same I think she is going to have permanent damage.
“…problem is when you start expecting me to be aurora jolie and ish, no.”
if i guy wants you do to what she does, then maybe he’s pitching for the wrong team
@ Champie.
“if i guy wants you do to what she does, then maybe he’s pitching for the wrong team”
Agreed.
“problem is when you start expecting me to be aurora jolie and ish, no”
Yeah…no one should be expected to act like that broad. She’s gonna have some long term problems…lol
On the real though, we understood each other. There’s a fine line.
I was talking more about chicks who trip if their dude watched pron like…ever. ex: See Slim Jackson’s comment up top about hiding stuff on his computer.
I think I’m afraid to ask who this aurora jolie is
yeah, she is some kind of special. One of the rare “virgins” you find in the industry…
Yep yep, cosign on dat. what’s good t-lee? How did tha H-town get 2 gether go last week?
Hey TX!!!! We had a good time, sorry you weren’t able to come out, but we understand.
Hope all is going well.
So when are you coming back for a repeat? I’ll say before summer is out! I might have a little pool party. Will let you know.
“I will never understand why some girls get mad because their dudes wanna watch it.”
RIGHT?! And I know he wouldn’t wanna do this all the time (men need their alone time…and so do we….what’s the big deal), but I think more women need to incorporate themselves in this…hobby, so to speak. Great bonding times. Or bondage times. Whatever.
@ cheekie lol @ “Great bonding times. Or bondage times. Whatever.”
bonding or bondage. Love it. the word play, not bondage.
I watch porn, sometimes with my man, but usually not. Great aide in new positions, toys, etc.
@ Cheekie,
“Great bonding times. Or bondage times. Whatever.”
LMAO!!! Wow…you really are Cheekie, indeed.
I will never understand why some girls get mad because their dudes wanna watch it. .
Me either. And I expect the same respect. Dude, don’t you see I’m watching this “movie”. If you don’t want to watch too, throw me a washcloth and I’ll be out when it’s over. LOL
@V Renee
*snickering* right? Sit down and chill, or close the door and go in the kitchen. It’s your choice, homie.
Co-sign.
I’m dating a dude who doesn’t go out too much, but he has the whole “female friends” and I’m like “no bueno” o_0
I know when I wasn’t trying to be faithful, I kept male friends around as the “d-k in the glass.” Sooooo….yeah, two attractive folks of opposite sex cannot be friends UNLESS they’ve already smashed and sh*t. Word!
i agree with all 5, but i gotta ask, don’t most men watch porn?
and if so is that the reason why most men in this day and age can’t stay faithful even if they want to?
one other thing i would like to add
don’t spend a lot of time with friends who are serial/unrepentant cheaters.
sorry bout that first paragraph,wanted to say
are there men who don’t watch porn?
aren’t there negative consequences to watching porn that far outweigh the ‘good’ that it does?
aren’t there negative consequences to watching porn that far outweigh the ‘good’ that it does?
thing is, like you mentioned before, the vast majority of men watch porn, but only a small percentage of us suffer negative consequences from it. most of us are able to view it as fantasy/comic relief
“aren’t there negative consequences to watching porn that far outweigh the ‘good’ that it does?”
Addiction was mentioned below, but I think we know more men who have a healthy relationshp with pron. Did ya’ll see that “True Life” episode? “I’m addicted to pron.” Yeah, dude who was married but separated was SAD. Dayum…
I’m tired of ya’ll putting me on moderation because I’m quoting folks who don’t know how to use “pron” instead of…you know. *pout*
I’m trying to be the good girl here!
some women watch porn for tips etc. I’m just sayin’….and
I saw a Mtv true Life episode called addicted to porn, a guy was married with kids and he and his wife seperated because he spent more time.____ to porn than being a father/husband paying more attention to pornstars. or he got unrealistic expectations bc of the illusion/porn videos he saw and expected his wife or other women he was trying to seek out to fufill his fantasies of videos..it was kinda sad
It’s like anything else fun in this world, some people can’t handle it or want too much and become addicted. But judging everyone on how the losers can’t deal gets the gasface like 3rd Bass.
Word. Life.
Oh, I just commented about the True Life ep! lol Wasn’t that a HOT mess?! He even went as far as hiring professional services to block the pron sites and was able to avoid it for like a few minutes. Next clip is of him admitting he hacked into the site (or figured out the password) and started looking a pron. I cracked the hell up…it was hilarious how short he lasted (TWSS). But, it was still sad.
yeah it was like Intervention or somethin’ lol, and that other girl smh..I wonder how pron star parents feel about their child, yeah they’re makin’ money $$ but their child is a hoe..and the girl had a pretty “normal” life and her parents were just soooo hurt bu that she wasn’t a sterotypical pron star (abused/raped etc like Jenna Jameson) but I was like jeez, that sucks that your daughter grew up to be that..Daughters(John Mayers)
“don’t spend a lot of time with friends who are serial/unrepentant cheaters.”
YES. This is like the male equivalent of the “bitter, single chick friend” that ladies in a relationship deal with.
This —–don’t spend a lot of time with friends who are serial/unrepentant cheaters.——-should be #6!
1. So true
2. Definitely true. I am very respectful of boundaries and adhere to them.
3. I am never about saying an adult “can’t” do or go certain places, so the thing I appreciate most about 3 is that while realizing it’s the truth I also see where you listed “if we’re consistently at the club”. A SO going to the club, especially if it is NOT consistent, shouldn’t be a deal breaker, cause an argument, or be viewed suspiciously. I’m definitely not saying you insinuated such a thing. I’m just saying that I appreciated the wording. Oh, and snizzles? Please put me up on what a snizzle is. Thank you.
4. Nobody needs to pay attention to them or talk to them. It might be the same person always fishing for compliments. They tend to be doing the most in the worst way.
5. Yup.
Head nod to your #4 comment in regards to folks fishing for compliments.
And yeah, I’m still scratching my head and awaiting Champ to elaborate on the tag of: Beanie Siegel a$$ ninjas, yet chuckled at “entries that will probably get me in trouble”….
bet’not tell nobody but Gawd.And yeah, I’m still scratching my head and awaiting Champ to elaborate on the tag of: Beanie Siegel a$$ ninjas
lol, i was referring to my man greg, cause beanie siegel is always getting into fights
“Oh, and snizzles? Please put me up on what a snizzle is. Thank you.”
snizzle derives from snowbunny which is a euphemism for a random young white woman
Number 1: All my friends who have cheated (women and men) have done so because they realized they don’t even like the person that much. Being in college (where people treat each other like shit), if two people in a relationship are away from each other for a few months, it is prime time to think over if the relationship is working. I realized while in Africa that I didn’t want to be with my boyfriend anymore because all the shitty stuff about the relationship. I realized I was just caught up with a lukewarm brotha. My friend who was also on vacation came to the same conclusion about her boyfriend.
I think sometimes people are so happy someone wants to deal with their bullshit and be in a committed relationship that they forget about the whole commitment part of the relationship.
realized while in Africa that I didn’t want to be with my boyfriend anymore because all the shitty stuff about the relationship. I realized I was just caught up with a lukewarm brotha. My friend who was also on vacation came to the same conclusion about her boyfriend.
Um yeah, seeing as how yall were already in Africa
and given the myths, did yall start dating locally, or did you wait until you were statesidecause I’on think I would have to call it quits? Jus curious…If the aforementioned friends were unhappy with their relationships or realize at some point that they don’t like the person they’re dating, why didn’t they just break up with their partner and do what they were going to do anyways after they’re unattached?
I don’t know why they cheat and then break up (not always because the other caught them cheating), but I think it is the “getting caught up” part. Like you don’t realize how much your relationship sucks until you are out of it. My friends new man was in a relationship for 2 years that he should not have been in…I mean the stuff he says about this relationship is ridiculous. People put up with a lot of shit and this causes them to have a wandering eye. Also, there is the benchwarmer equation. You don’t want to leave your shitty relationship unless you know you are desired elsewhere.
I do think people grow out of the aforementioned problems as they get older, or at least they should.
“why didn’t they just break up with their partner and do what they were going to do anyways after they’re unattached?
Some stick around because it’s comfortable. Some stick around hoping it will get better because they have invested a lot of time and money. Some just get tired of the same ole type of sex and want something different(if only for one night. Luther).
None of those reasons justify the act but that’s usually the explanation.
@MsFiasco
time a part brings everything to light. Your head is clear.
realized while in Africa that I didn’t want to be with my boyfriend anymore because all the shitty stuff about the relationship. I realized I was just caught up with a lukewarm brotha. My friend who was also on vacation came to the same conclusion about her boyfriend.
lol, you sure you weren’t “influenced” by all of those hakeem olajuwon-ass n*ggas walking around?
LMAO @ Champ. I JUSSSST booked this comment.
Can’t believe i’m awake……sh!t DC IS HOT……and it’s a full moon too.
#3 on the money
#4 should be extended to all conversations period. Just had to let a new co-worker know the deal last week. I swear…..anytime a woman complains about her man…..uh…..don’t say yes to lunch
Just had to let a new co-worker know the deal last week. I swear…..anytime a woman complains about her man…..uh…..don’t say yes to lunch
“complaining about your man to other men” definitely makes the cut of triflin sh*t some women do
Thats one thing i’ll never do, talking to the next man about relationship issues. Because first of all, if it’s that bad I shouldn’t still be in it to begin with. And second that only leaves me open for the “ma, i can treat you better” spiels that you guys do, instead of giving sound advice. Champ you not included in the other guy group, you are officially my relationship counselor and i’ll be making another appointment very soon. Plus you my brother and sh**
Especially if that man is just your coworker, what is up with that?? *smh*
Serious question, does this explain the questionable storage men?
I have used 2 separate storage places for some short-term moving. Both times, when I walked in to sign up, the friendly but straggly-looking dude behind the desk started talking about woes of his girlfriend (not wanting to go out, borrowing his car without permission). WTF? I just met you 3 mins ago and I still have one headphone in my ear. I just nod and walked off wondering why I’m everyone’s Dr. Phil.
Is this the game spitting of low self-esteem dude? Teach me. Musiq Soulchild.
Damn, Greg! You ain’t gots to fight to kick it.
“asking if he can crash at my place for three days because his girl threw a foreman grill at him while he was in the shower, and he thinks they might need some time apart.”
LOL! No sh#t, ya think?! Why the Foreman grill though? I ? my Foreman grill.
Anyways, this: 1. only commit if you’re 100 percent sure you actually want to …is what I’ve been trying to tell these dudes for the longest.
5. watch porn
I can dig it.
Moderation?!
*hmphh*
WELL I NEVER…
*stomps away*
LOL! No sh#t, ya think?! Why the Foreman grill though?
she’s a pretty brolic chick. i think she used to throw the shot-put in high school
O_O… once again gorilla phucking rears its ugly head (j/k don’t hit me)
You know what…I think a few of us are some subliminal ish…while typing one of my post below, I was thinking about gorillas and chexxing, hence my mentioning Donky Kong and cucumbers, ….which is synonymous with your perfect phrase of gorilla fcuking (LoL)…then Tenchi mentioned Gorillas in the Midst further down below. Now I’m no advocate of zoophilia AT ALL.
But guerilla smuckin’ is another story. C0cked and loaded. One helluva warfare.
It’s true we are on some subliminal ish… veeeeiiiirrrrd. *cheers* to one helluva warfare ;_; in tears! lol
Did I just comment and it vanished? Oh boy. The 2nd time I comment and it’s NWTBF. >_<
great post, champola.
especially number 2–this is sooooooooooooo key!!!! for men and women, really. why put yourself in a situation that has “CAUTION! WARNING! DANGER! TEMPTATION AHEAD! DO NOT ENTER (LITERALLY)!” written all over it?!?! problem is, ppl dont always take the time to read this sign because they think “oh we’re just friends” and they can control themselves and be on their best behavior. but why put yourself in a position to have to make a decision on “to cheat or not to cheat” when ol girl/boy makes a move that you supposedly didnt see coming? i think ppl dont spend enough time assessing a potentially temptation-provoking situation to even recognize the consequences that could follow so as not to even go there. having dinner at a dimly lit bistro only a block from her spot when its raining and all you want to do after dinner is “get out of the rain” is just asking for trouble.
exercising good judgment and always playing it safe is the way to go and avoid getting caught up.
We said the same exact thing. COSIGN. Temptation is a mutha and it takes a strong person to resist. Truth is I think we all know better and the red flags do go off. People tend to justify everything when they want something.
May-ja Cosign Gemmie..if u take the time to think about what COULD happen it’s probably not a good idea. But if you can honestly chill w/ that person and it neva crosses your mind, then u probably ok.
I took a break from VSB (cuz of my stanky job) but I’m back bizznatchessssssss!!!
On that note I think #1 is what is the real relationship killer. I feel that a lot of people settle after they have become comfortable talking with/seeing someone after a handful of dates and outings and even though they usually know that maybe this person isn’t really floatin there boat like they should be they continue on because of comfort reasons.
If more people only dated those that they really really really wanted to commit to the world would be filled with much less heart broken men and women…but then again, we wouldn’t need VSB sooooo forget what I just wrote…
I love you VSB! (said in Whitney Houston crack head voice)
“I took a break from VSB (cuz of my stanky job) but I’m back bizznatchessssssss!!!”
Welcome back!
And, yeah, jobs have a way of getting in the way of VSB.
welcome back. kotter. mase. *double-drakism.
I love you VSB! (said in Whitney Houston crack head voice) .
I’m not doing this with you tooodaayyy (said in Whitney crack head voice)! Lol
“If more people only dated those that they really really really wanted to commit to the world would be filled with much less heart broken men and women…but then again, we wouldn’t need VSB sooooo forget what I just wrote…
I love you VSB! (said in Whitney Houston crack head voice)”
we like you too.
I just found out that my now ex was cheating. I found out through his facebook (and that’s another story for another day), but always be weary of co-workers. They know too much if there’s a ‘water-cooler’ type office you work in. Long story short, they ended up sleeping with each other because of a hug. This must have been the hug of the century. Heffa hugged him after he dropped her off after work. ‘Thanks for the ride’ hug. Which turned into a ‘good night hug.’ Somehow he slipped and she fell. And I hope they live happily ever after together.
-so goes life!
i feel for ya, CAN’T STAND MEN WHO CHEAT!!
AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!! (a time to kill)
Samuel Jackson gave the jury one helluva serious c0ck-eyed glance.
@PinkLuck,
“Miss Celie you has my sympathies!”
Same script, different cast (cause I cracked phone records & found out about the coworker).
Cheating is obviously a choice. You know how much random d*ck women get offered on a daily basis? *cue Chris Rock*
That “it just happened” bs don’t fly round these parts…
@i’ll give it a try
you know, i almost envy you. i caught one of my ex’s while he was doing the deed with one of his coworkers who also happened to be my friend…it’s been a year and the image hasn’t gone away, i remember it less frequently but i would just rather forget it…
(gasp)
Please tell me he is still searching a field somewhere out of the city limits looking for his dirty-cheating-a$$-wee-wee.
well my, my, my No Johnnie Gill, that is sounding very Lorena Bobbit like….but the picture that conjures up in my mind is making me guffaw heartily, carry on Mrs. Dr.Evil…..this has made my day , thank you for that
LOL, no, thankfully i didn’t get violent,took a lot of restraint though…
Damn *ehugs my vss*
That’s terrible. I found out about my so’s trifleness 2 mos before our wedding (can u believe the coworker actually used to chitchat w/ me and ish when I called his job? Heifer even asked for an invite to the nuptials! Grimey!!!)
I think the fact that there was a state in between us kept me from going Lorena Bobbit/CrazyBish from a Thin Line… on ol boy. The price of gas and me wanting to keep my job(&freedom) saved his life!
so’s trifleness 2 mos before our wedding
THA HELL????
Well that was a blessing in disguise. Can you imagine you actually married the ninja???
Damn *ehugs my vss*
That’s terrible. I found out about my so’s trifleness 2 mos before our wedding (can u believe the coworker actually used to chitchat w/ me and ish when I called his job? Heifer even asked for an invite to the nuptials! Grimey!!!)
I think the fact that there was a state in between us kept me from going Lorena Bobbit/CrazyBish from a Thin Line… on ol boy. The price of gas and me wanting to keep my job(&freedom) saved his life!
so you were getting married in two months but didnt even live in the same state?
@Keisha,
Indeed, I dodged a bullet right thurr, no chingy.
@Champ,
I was moving permanently prior to the wedding. I had been back and forth between where he was and home planning and handling other business. After I found out, I just stayed in GA with my family.
“That’s terrible. I found out about my so’s trifleness 2 mos before our wedding”
^Awww, Gurl! *ehugs*
Ugh Yayer I feel your pain that would destroy me! You’re strong girl.
Awww, Yayer! How terrible! *ehugs*
@SFG @ legitimate soul
thanks girls
dayum, Facebook Twitter etc social networkiing sites tell all even if you’re not trying to be nosey, I’m like so in so’s in a relationship, they aren’t acting like it? or finding out somebody is or isnt gay etc because they have interested in ___ or their realtionship status is hidden I question what are you tryna hide, you have a right to privacy but internet travels face especially on FBphoto albums etc. or everyone of this chicks pics is with a guy/comments etc are intersting
That sucks. I’m sawry.
DAYUMMMM…
Aw, girl. I don’t wanna be all cliche but if just a hug (a common affection amongst folks) gets him going, then you’re better off without him.
@PinkLuck
That was the exact same thing my ex told me when he cheated on me. He was helping her through some emotional stuff and she called saying “she just needs a hug”. O_O…mofo drove over to her house to give her a hug. x_x
@SFG mmmmm hmmmm, Riiiiiight?!?!?!
Now that’s some mess. Sorry to read that. Although it hurt, they both did you a favor.
Thing about that is, I’m sure there’s probably that small seed of doubt lingering over their heads just based on how their “relationship” got started in the first place. A guilty conscious is a beast.
You’ve just reminded me of a male cousin of mine. His girl thought she walked in on him smashing some chick in his bed. This girl went and grabbed a broom
(I guess she couldn’t wait for the pot of grits)and barged through the bedroom door jabbing and knocking the isht out of both their naked tails with a dusty, prickly a$$ broom. But come to find out, it was one of his potnahs (who was actually cheating on his girl). So served them right…and can you believe those fools just went back to smuckin’ in the bed. My cousin’s girl just walked out and called him at the job. I love how she and my cousin deliver the narrative to this…so trife, but pure comedy. Hilarious.“(I guess she couldn’t wait for the pot of grits)”- it’s this right here type of ish that I missed seeing
X_X for why? phew! That was too funny.
@PinkLuck I second that tho… they definitely did you a favor Booboo!
Long story short, they ended up sleeping with each other because of a hug. This must have been the hug of the century. Heffa hugged him after he dropped her off after work. ‘Thanks for the ride’ hug. Which turned into a ‘good night hug.’ Somehow he slipped and she fell
i know this wasn’t meant to be funny, but this story is f*cking hilarious
I thought it was just me.
Number 1 and 4 have so much truth to them by themselve, but when combined they must cause 90% of the cheating in America. I once saw my boy slide down that slippery slope because he played a game of Clue with a girl. I don’t mean that as innuendo, I mean the board game. His girl introduced us to her friends for the first time and we ended up playing a board game, and one of these friends kept making suggestive comments about Ms. Scarlett. A few weeks later he could hardly define the word “commit”.
My own knowledge of #1 is why I’ve never cheated. No need to be in a relatinoship if that’s not what you’re looking for. Don’t pretend it is what you want, don’t lie to yourself and say it’s what you want. And when you finally do want a real relationship, just stay away from teases and hoes: any man who says he can’t recognize them a mile away is either lying or gay. On second thought, no, he’s just lying no matter what.
welcome and sh*t (i think)
Wow a game if clue?!
About number five: What should happen if your SO copies porn from your harddrive???
And what is beanie siegel-ass n*ggas???
“About number five: What should happen if your SO copies porn from your harddrive???”
Marry her.
I cosign the above Aif-advice.
LOL……Note taken
now, even though i have absolutely no desire to sleep with any of them (and i’m sure the feeling is mutual)
See…that’s where you’re (possibly) wrong.
Rule 6: Never assume ANYTHING
Rule 7: Never forget Rule 6.
still, even if the feeling isn’t mutual, if you follow 1-5, you’ll probably never find out
Ok so porn???
I have a homegirl whose relationship has been completely destroyed by porn. She talks about there not being ANY kind of intimacy with her because her man has been so conditioned by pornography that he’s forgotten how to actually have intimacy with her. She says while she tries to replicate and be apart of his fantasy, his porn addiction has completely obliterated their sex life.
We all know what ‘black porn’ looks like – Really I can’t actually look at it! To me, it’s clearly geared toward men – it looks so rough to me. And while, yes sometimes it needs to be rough, and
females need to learn to get rid of that gag reflex(I hope I did STRIKETHRU correctly, if not womp womp…..) we need to take it like g’s, and ladies can learn from Roxy and such, I wonder if porn can ultimately mess up a relationship.Whatchu think????
“I have a homegirl whose relationship has been completely destroyed by porn. She talks about there not being ANY kind of intimacy with her because her man has been so conditioned by pornography that he’s forgotten how to actually have intimacy with her. She says while she tries to replicate and be apart of his fantasy, his porn addiction has completely obliterated their sex life.”
While I can never understand why women ain’t cool with men watching pron, I did think about pron addiction…which is a WHOLE ‘nother ball game. When it becomes something that affects your relationship negatively (and that goes with ANYTHING), then yes it’s a problem. But innocent pron watching? Nah.
I agree with Cheeky. Addiction is another thing entirely and is usually not a result of the pron itself, but other unresolved issues. It’s like other forms of addiction. There is food addiction too, but you gotta eat to live and reconcile the other underlying issues. You can have a healthy relationship and chexuality with or without pron. Plus, there are all types of pron and adult companies that cater to women if they feel like some flicks don’t have them or their sensibilities in mind. There is an adult store out here owned and ran by women so women can feel comfortable asking about and purchasing adult items in a safe, open, and healthy environment. In most cases I can think of, too much of anything can be bad. Too much water can hurt you (it sounds crazy, but it’s true). So if someone is overly using pron and using types of pron that is disturbing (I’m sorry, all pron is not created equal and although I’m cool with whatever consenting adults agree upon there is some ‘ish that if and SO was watching I’d feel a certain way about.. i.e. bestiality, fetishes of human waste, etc.). So pron can not in and of itself ruin a relationship. It’s the people in the relationship that play that role.
*high-fives this comment…and legitimate_soul, who wrote it*
legitimate_soul & Cheekie,
Yes ma’am….gluttony at its finest.
Sidenote: You took me back to those days when my grandmother would make us stay outside and play. No in or out. In that hot a$$ sun, chillin’ under the orange, mango and grapefruit trees. Anywho, when you mentioned too much water….OMG. Talk about hurt. I mean, you could actually hear the water swishing back and forth our stomachs.
I wonder if porn can ultimately mess up a relationship.
Whatchu think???
depends and sh*t
Cosignage of cosigns on those extended conversation that always seem to drift(wood) back to chex.
1. Anytime the person of the opposite chex is in complaint mode about their mate…it’s time to leave the room as if your hair is on fire (or you’ll soon stop, drop and roll…)
2. When the pet names start…and continue…and become “secret language” between the involved and uninvolved. There’s something about intimate communications that lead to intimate relations.
3. When you find yourself trying to set up your “less than cute” homegirl with your “platonic friend”, knowing full well, he’s cancelled his subscription to Gorillas In The Mist.
I could say more, but I won’t…Lauryn Hill.
3. When you find yourself trying to set up your “less than cute” homegirl with your “platonic friend”, knowing full well, he’s cancelled his subscription to Gorillas In The Mist
this flew completely over my head. care to expound and sh*t?
Expounding and sh*t…
I’m not sure if dudes do this…but one sure way to know that your platonic friend has somehow morphed into attractive/interesting/sympathetic/chexable is when you’re trying to pawn him off on your friend with ricekrispy treat face…(all lumpy & congealed looking…they exist),
You know he won’t bite, it’s some kind of weird test we do to determine if he’s willing to commit bestiality/romance with a chick…which works out a win/win for temptation.
He won’t fall for it, but will offer a nice reason why he’s not interested, you’ll butter your panties with the idea that he’s sensitive…one good fight with your actual boyfriend, and you two end up bucket~neckid laughing about the time you tried to set him up with Shauqelandria, Queen of the Beasts…
*Don’t ask me how I know this…*
You’re on a roll this week huh?
I agree
Especially with the first one. I hear so many women and men think “commitment” is going to
Make them do right. Ummm fool. No.
You’re on a roll this week huh?
just this week?
1. only commit if you’re 100 percent sure you actually want to. I believe a lot of people out here (at one point or another) truly felt 100% sure about going forward with a relationship, however when thangs began to get a little rough, they then realized the relationship may not have meant as much as they initially thought….otherwise they would’ve stayed and fought for it. Regardless whether or not an individual is sure about the start of a new relationship, this wave of self entitlement when it comes to instant gratification is a beast…’cause its apparent that many folks nowadays don’t want to “fight foh’ isht.” They want all theirs right now like Darius (& Wood).
2. …I have to agree with. At the end of the day, she’s just a woman….and you’re just a man.
3. no more night-clubbing Not that I disagree because those types of nightspots specifically cater to selling some chexx, whether you’re married, coupled-up or single. My rebuttal to that is: if dude would somehow find himself uncomfortable with the thought of finding me up in the middle of said establishment “tearin’ it up” on the floor, then he’s got his answer.
But really, Champ…. in the produce section of your nearest Publix supermarket, a man can find pretty much the same “breed” of women; except she just so happens to be skimming over the lovely array of cucumbers while day-dreaming of Donkey Kong(s). No gorilla.
4. don’t talk to cock-teasing assholes I had to chuckle at those skits….especially since its hard to say (but n/r) whose more of a c0ck-teasing sasshole… I gotta say its the one who allows himself to be teased by such, but wanna call foul on the play. Why not cut the antics and go find yourself a “sure thing”….??? Lightbulb anyone?…anyone? You are a product of choice, not of circumstances, honey.
5. watch porn Hey, do what you gotta…just don’t be surprised when you find that after a 7-minute clip of hardcore that I’m not aroused. Show and prove, baby….show and prove. And I got you.
a few more to throw in the mix:
*Acting sweet to get a man, then changing
once you got ‘em.Can’t go from Zsa Zsa Gabor to Kathy Bates….that ‘s synonymous with going from Shug to Sophia…you dayum right she told Harpo to beatchu.’*Not giving enough space. Ease up with the choke hold because if you’re not confident the relationship is solid enough for the two of you to enjoy some alone time, then you didn’t have much a foundation to begin with.
*Not saying what you mean….(and mean what you say). Be an adult and open your mouth and talk.
*Bad chexx, boring chexx and using chexx as a weapon. No further explanation required.
*Constantly engages in power struggles. Of course men as well, but I will never understand how some women feel the need to compete with their men/man by making sure they look smarter by intentionally upstaging him in public, being condescending when he states his personal viewpoints and/or opinions or just plan unnecessary rudeness. Career competition based upon your education levels…with YOUR man?…just to prove how smart, tough and independent you are? Really? Well, what in the heyal do you need him for?!
But the harsh reality to this is: If a person want s to cheat, they simply will. And there is no amount of good
pushheee,lovin’, fiyah dome, superb culinary skills, doctoral/ph.d(eez), big booty-stank walks in the world that will keep a man forever. Foreva-eva. I honestly believe a man/woman has to have the desire to be kept. Granted, it will possibly keep him sniffing around a lot longer, heyal , you may even get wifed. But it almost seems you have a better chance of burying the man’s draws in the backyard, to up your chances. But of course, the irony of that is we live in a day and age where folks change their minds probably more than they change their draws…and a plethora of mofos barely walk out of the door with any on to begin with. It’s the chance we all take….big girl pills are to be swallowed whole. Non-chewable. Flinstones.Hey Ms. B, missed ya girl….now I KNOW you was caught up in moderation cause I was here earlier o_O and this post was not here, otherwise I woulda seent it…..really have missed seeing you round here *throwing welcome back confetti at Ms. B-Pick it up , oh and by the way coemeffin signage on errythang you said but this right chere “I honestly believe a man/woman has to have the desire to be kept. ” is the TROOOOOOOOOF! that is all
Hey there, Ms. Bajanflchick and SFG!…missed all ya’ll too! I can’t leave ya’ll alone…its sad. LoL I’m cool though…just been busy as all get out.
Sorry about that double post….my post just seemed to disappear without being put in moderation. Just gone. Glad I wasn’t alone in my efforts.
“*Not giving enough space. Ease up with the choke hold because if you’re not confident the relationship is solid enough for the two of you to enjoy some alone time, then you didn’t have much a foundation to begin with.”
I know I shouldn’t use this as an example since they’re only teenagers (but it’s all the more apparent BECAUSE they’re teenagers), but I was watching “Teen Mom” the other night and Catelynn and Ryan had this problem. I mean, Ryan expressed it at least. As much as I thought they were the perfect couple and so in love, I didn’t stop to think that…yeah, these mofos were ALWAYS together. She had even moved in with him and his mom. And add to the fact that they gave up their daughter for adoption…yeah problems arise. And they were much too serious and near each other so much for teens. No matter how perfect ish looks on the outside…nothing is actually perfect.
Except Idris Elba.
Hey girl! I’ve heard about that show. I’m still trying to get past the part where his mama allowed her to move in?! So many adults got it all a$$ backwards and wonder where some of the children get the ish from. So much is wrong with that.
But yeah, you can always tell which guys have these “tag-a-long chicks” on their arms. Like a my buddy and kid sister doll. Nothing wrong with those who enjoy each others company, but when it gets to the point of becoming dude’s shadow….that ish ain’t cute. It’s freakin’ annoying.
Except Idris Elba. Woo! That’s a beeeaauuuuutiful ninja.
“Woo! That’s a beeeaauuuuutiful ninja.”
YES, girl. God made him concurrently with light. On Monday.
Yeah, you gotta be properly rested to make a masterpiece like that.
Lol @ Ms B and cheekie on idris ***smh while lol “on Monday with the light”***
lol @ your new abbreviated name. Your new name is like…the future.
that show teen mom is borderline Jerry springer, that ish ain’t cute I can respect Catelynn and Ryan for giving up their baby for adoption, that was the most adult decision on that show, soo many people love/want children, and I thought it was a blessing for that couple that wanted that baby because they were Adults, could emotional and financially support a baby, instead of the other teenagers putting the child off on the parents or causing them much stress, when kids wanna do adult things but not pay adult consequences, Maybe its 2520s but my Daddy would not allow some Ninja/dude to live with us and I’m a teenager, thats just making ish easier to happen..SMH
But really, Champ…. in the produce section of your nearest Publix supermarket, a man can find pretty much the same “breed” of women; except she just so happens to be skimming over the lovely array of cucumbers while day-dreaming of Donkey Kong(s). No gorilla.
while this is true, she’s probably not so faux tipsy that she “accidentally” slips and grabs your d*ck on the way to the produce section.
#DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uh Hunhhhh…on the contrary, its quite possible if she were just coming from a
VSBBBQ-Housepawdy shindig or something of that effect…could be enjoying the buzz from gulping down your signature cocktail skittles n’ vodka….Jumpoffs can be found from the freezer section to the church’s front pew during communion and you know how [some] chuch folks get down. Sis. CoodaMae Jenkins got that annointing.
Halle-luyerr…HalleBerraayLord, not CoodaMae!!
________________________ flat. line.
Glad you back, Chica!
^Comment for Ms. Butta’sWorth
Why thank you, missy! This place had me feenin’ after awhile.
Hmmmm….
1. only commit if you’re 100 percent sure you actually want to I believe a lot of people out here (at one point or another) truly felt 100% sure about going forward with a relationship, however when thangs began to get a little rough, they then realized the relationship may not have meant as much as they initially thought….otherwise they would’ve stayed and fought for it. Regardless whether or not an individual is sure about the start of a new relationship, this wave of self entitlement when it comes to instant gratification is a beast…’cause its apparent that many folks nowadays don’t want to “fight foh’ isht.” They want all theirs right now like Darius (& Wood).
2. I have to agree with. At the end of the day, she’s just a woman….and you’re just a man.
3. no more night-clubbing Not that I disagree because those types of nightspots specifically cater to selling some chexx, whether you’re married, coupled-up or single. My rebuttal to that is: if dude would somehow find himself uncomfortable with the thought of finding me up in the middle of said establishment “tearin’ it up” on the floor, then he’s got his answer.
But really, Champ…. in the produce section of your nearest Publix supermarket, a man can find pretty much the same “breed” of women; except she just so happens to be skimming over the lovely array of cucumbers while day-dreaming of Donkey Kong(s). No gorilla.
4. don’t talk to cock-teasing assholes I had to chuckle at those skits….especially since its hard to say (but n/r) whose more of a c0ck-teasing sasshole… I gotta say its the one who allows himself to be teased by such, but wanna call foul on the play. Why not cut the antics and go find yourself a “sure thing”….??? Lightbulb anyone?…anyone? You are a product of choice, not of circumstances honey.
5. watch porn Hey, do what you gotta…just don’t be surprised when you find that after a 7-minute clip of hardcore that I’m not aroused. Show and prove, baby….show and prove.
a few more to throw in the mix:
*Acting sweet to get a man, then changing
once you got ‘em.Can’t go from Zsa Zsa Gabor to Kathy Bates….that ‘s synonymous with going from Shug to Sophia…you dayum right she told Harpo to beatchu.’*Not giving enough space. Ease up with the choke hold because if you’re not confident the relationship is solid enough for the two of you to enjoy some alone time, then you didn’t have much a foundation to begin with.
*Not saying what you mean….(and mean what you say). Be an adult and open your mouth and talk.
*Bad chexx, boring chexx and using chexx as a weapon. No further explanation required.
*Constantly engages in power struggles. Of course men as well, but I will never understand how some women feel the need to compete with their men/man by making sure they look smarter by intentionally upstaging him in public, being condescending when he states his personal viewpoints and/or opinions or just plan unnecessary rudeness. Career competition based upon your education levels…with YOUR man?…just to prove how smart, tough and independent you are? Really? Well, what in the heyal do you need him for?
But the harsh reality to this is: If a person want s to cheat, they simply will. And there is no amount of good
pushheee,fiyah dome, superb culinary skills, doctoral/ph.d(eez), big booty-stank walks in the world that will keep a man forever. Foreva-eva. However, I honestly believe a man/woman has to have the desire to be kept. Granted, it will possibly keep him sniffing around a lot longer, heyal , you may even get wifed. But it almost seems you have a better chance of burying the man’s draws in the backyard to up your chances. But of course, the irony of that is we live in a day and age where folks change their minds probably more than they change their draws…and a plethora of mofos barely walk out of the door with any on to begin with. It’s the chance we all take….big girl pills are to be swallowed whole. Non-chewable. Flintstones.Ms B! I missed you where you been?
Your #1 is true. It takes true committment to make a rocky thing work. When the going gets tough, many just jump ship or emotionally disconnect. And I agree with giving space when it’s needed. Smothering is the same as forcing and it never works. I co-sign all your points.
You know that only applies to Club Publix. The rest of them are just your garden variety grocery stores.*
*This comment only applies to the Publix in Tallahassee.
So what’s up with the Publix in Tallahassee? Lol.
I think I’ve been to that publix…
For me, dear champster, this right here says it all “wanting to be faithful is really the only thing that keeps men faithful”..I think you hit it correctly right here .(I know, that’s what she said)…..I will be back later , but I just had to get that out, for now because it hit me like BAM, KAPOW! carry on.
“wanting to be faithful is really the only thing that keeps men faithful”.. I think you hit it correctly right here”
That’s the ish that works for me. It’s not that hard… it’s dope beats, dope rhymes, ****** that’s fidelity. What were we talking about again?
I know, riiiigggghhhhht, so why is it that folks be ackin like someone died with the secret formula locked away somewhere…I mean REALLY? It’s NOT that difficult….
I will be back later , but I just had to get that out, for now because it hit me like BAM, KAPOW!
that’s what she said
dammit champie, you’re just too witty for your own gotdam good****
#2 and #4 right on the money
As a former serial cock-teasing asshole (3 years clean), it is so easy to turn any conversation into soft-core phone sex. Don’t fall for the okey doke.
“As a former serial cock-teasing assholes” Is there a support group for that? Just wondering …#Ihavebeenguiltymyself
I’m a serial cockpit-teaser myself, sign me up for rehab as well.
*adds name to the list*
***making reminder to make sure these three have to wait for their seats at the VSB BBQ***
*****Please note that Mrs. D. Evil & myself are “former”, so we good , as for Mr SoBo, he is currently claiming to be a “serial”cockpit-teaser, so only he should have to wait for a seat at the next VSB BBQ and look at me getting all worked up over some fantasy that ain’t nevah gonna happen -(and that ‘s what He said )
i can almost smell the chicken grilling…
almost…
or maybe im just smellin what the rock is cookin…
Good Morning, VSB Fam.
Cosign on #4.
The cock tease chicks are the worst…never have I seen as much f*ckery as when FB found out I was engaged, which disappeared just as quickly when word got out that I was no longer getting married…and honestly, the worst one was a subtle, subliminal chick that I worked with at the time who tried to insinuate herself into my bed. I worked in a call center at the time and she would find every reason in the world to come past my cubicle.
Sidenote: Why are call centers full of chicks waiting to get plucked? Doesn’t matter which call center. Allstate, Sprint, Verizon, Convergys, Wachovia (Wells Fargo).
I don’t care what they do at the Wachovia call center.. as long as they reverse the charges.. Lol.
good morning Shay..
this makes me shake my head in disgust. it’s ish like this that make men see us all as triflin batches.
ugh.
Ewww, my aunt works for Sprint…
I’m currently advising my best friend on how to navigate one of Allstate’s call centers. It’s the same call center I worked in when I was engaged. It’s the same call center where some chick got up in arms over a guy allegedly giving her herpes and taking a bat to his car in the parking lot and then writing “HERPES” on his car. Same guy then posted the results of his blood work on his cubicle wall the next week. SMH.
@Shay…wth
wheydeydodatat?
OMG Jai ur avi!!
Jai!!!….LMAO. I needed that. You’re a mess girl!
Worst still was the couch they had in the cut on the first floor that they eventually got rid of because they kept finding used condoms and condom wrappers around it from the folks on 3rd shift…
Cocaine in the bathroom? Yeaaah. Call centers are a mess.
So many things wrong with this story, mainly what did she think effing up his ride was going to do. This ain’t cheating, he can’t just feel bad, apologize, then yall good. You have a lifelong infection, plus now everyone thinks you nasty cause you don’t even know where you got it from…
Shay that’s sad and shamefully hilarious at the same time.
Now the entire floor knows she’s got that nasty woman’s disease. A pitiful situation.
#2 is ON POINT!!!! #FTMFW
i’m tired of being the insightful one.. NO, that broad don’t wanna play “catch up!” why on God’s green planet would you think that nighttime is the only time that this can happen? Oh.. Silly Rabbit…
why must you play stupid?
#1 is on point too.. i know someone that goes from relationship to relationship still thinking about the girl from last year.. then breaks up and wonders what’s wrong with her.. i’m on the phone like, “at the sound of the tone you’ll be alone..” I can’t.. if you can’t give something your 100%, why even try?!
good things don’t usually happen when you force it.. (pause?)
Nick- “i’m tired of being the insightful one”- me too, that is all, for now anyway…oh and “if you can’t give something your 100%, why even try?”-feelin this too, please stop commenting cause then I can stop co-effin signing & maybe get some work done…RIGHT, NOT TODAY ….as Homey the Clown would say “I don’t think so “
I hate the ones that come out of nowhere wanting to “catch-up” but only call after 10pm. Really? I think it all boils down to what I said below, men need more responsibility on being hip to game. Hell they expect us to. No more am I saying a man is a man. Man-up! lol
true dat SFG! TRUE DAT!
I’m SOOOO glad I’m not the only one who believes that any call after 10pm from a female that isn’t an emergency and you’re related to is an invitation for sex. Damn…thanks! I am so serious that I needed to hear that cuz I always got the “naw, it ain’t like that” from dudes…when indeed it was. I KNOW I’m not crazy (well, not that crazy)
After 10 is my cut off. I don’t know what it is about 10pm but it just seems like adult time to me. Women can be slick and men can be suckas. lol
Thanks Champster!!! I just posed this question to blog (on fre for all Friday…I think)
I think your list is great. I’m gonna go ahead ditto the whole thing.
I was surprised about all the things you included in #2 because most ppl ( men & women) are always trying to justify and make exceptions ad to why some things are cool when really they’re not.
What do you think of guys that have several female friends? The guy I’m currently “seeing” has some pretty close female friends. I’ve meet a few (and theres only one in particular I don’t like). As I’m thinking we may get serious I’m wondering if this should bother me and if I should just bail now? He’s hasn’t given me any reason to think he’s more than friends with any of them, I’m just being pessimistic and heeding the logic you put forth in point #2.
As a man with female friends, allow me to retort.
Men like women. Men like being around women. Hell, most of us really adore women in some aspect…that be me. I think for me, my closeness with females stems directly from my school experience. I went to a small school from K-8, average class size 25 or so. In that class, we would have on average, 5 guys, and of those 5 guys, I was usually, the only brotha. There were usually 10 black females ouf of the remaining 20 so typically, I had lunch with the 10 black females. By proxy, the other 4 guys would usually go with me over to that table as well, but hey, I was going TO the ladies table ya know.. I’ve always got along well with females and even have a few friends from the same classes in my everyday life.
There are times that I’m sure that I’m doing more than I need to be doing as a friend and not their man (in terms of my availability and conversation, not physical stuff). But, like I stated before, I adore women. It makes my day to make a woman smile, feel safe, feel loved, etc.
Have there been instances where when myself and a female friend were both single that things happened…sure. Has such innocent things happened with them when I was in a relationship, nope. Usually, back in the day when I stepped out, it was with some chick whose sole purpose was to be stepped out on. That was our relationship, As far as those that are my friends, the boundaries of friendship weren’t/aren’t allowed to encroach on current relationships.
I will admit, that what usually happens is that the same female friends that I’m always emotionally (as a friend, ya know, support, advice, shoulder to cry on, etc.) available for no matter if I’m in a relationship or single, will invariably change their availability when they get a man. Simply stated, when they get a man, they get hella distant where as, I don’t do that. If I were to do that, they get all salty and feelings hurt, etc.
Does that mean they feel more than they let on? I doubt it, I think that as stated below, women have this certain dependence on loyalty in all aspects when it comes to them. So much so that when I’ve stated “when you started dating XYZ, you got mad distant on me”. The response is always, really? i’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…but that WAS my man tho, just sayin. LOL. It’s comedy.
Ok, so now that you read that novel, I think you need to be flat out honest about how you feel with him as well as yourself. Outside of thinking that if you get in the water you’ll get wet, evaluate if you think being around the water is even an acceptable idea. If you are fine with him having female friends, truly fine with it, I’d say just let it be known that you’re not going for the banana in the tailpipe and lay the cards on the table when the moment comes. That also means that the one you don’t like, you put some boundaries on that as well. He may or may not make changes but then you need to decide if that is okay with you.
Thanks for the novel Saule. Im LOL but I’m serious. T.I.
I think he’s like you- Just loves women. Really he’s just a nice guy all around; always helping anybody that could use some help, concerned for others welfare etc… That’s what I like about him. He was close to his mom and he has 3 sisters so I think he’s just used to being around women as well.
To answer your question, which I’m aware was asked rhetorically, I don’t mind him having female friends. However, i feel he does overextend himself to them and I’m concerned why he doesn’t have any more male friends than he does—one of the VSB characteristics of a good man (I’m listening Champ and PJ).
The one female friend I don’t care for seems take advantage of his kindness. Im also pretty sure she wants him ( either for her man or maybe as a friend she doesn’t want to share) I know this is wrong but i didn’t like her when i met her. She rubbed me the wrong way, looking me up and down, being smart on the sly. I could tell she didn’t like me or maybe just the simple fact I was there. Now he did make it clear that i was with him (kissing; hugging; baby this, baby that-sunshine Anderson; etc), so i didn’t trip. I mentioned to him that she didn’t like me he laughed it off…until the next time they hung out she asked “you still talking to that girl from he other day?” then he was like you might be right…he still denies she likes him.
My point is I don’t mind him having female friends in general, I just know that that line can be crossed and if we were to become exclusive that that would probably bring the lurkers out ( ex:the chick in question). I don’t like the feelings that I would have to single out rules for this one friend. So if this thing goes anywhere I’m gonna chill unless she gives me reason not to chill, then I’m basically checking him.
I also gotta add too that from my experience, when a female REALLY has a feeling about one of the female friends, she’s usually right. I’ve tried that denial stuff a few times but the feeling ended up being right each and every time. I’m not talking about that general suspicion because it’s a female and I’m a guy, I mean that nagging feeling that ends up being prevalent in relation to one particular friend. So, I feel you. I wish you the best chica.
I am going through the same thing right now. Always trust your gut. If you have a funny feeling about that one particular chick, then you’re suspicions are more than likely correct. Keep playing it cool until that is no longer a viable option in the situation.
Saule and OftenConfused,
Something, well a few things stuck out with me…. and it began when Saule pointed out that he’s shared a few innocent, yet initimate moments with said female friend(s) before. Later on, you’ve gone on to say, how several of your female friends get ghost when they’re in a relationship, whereas you don’t. So let me ask this: If a woman still keeps in touch with a male friend or friends that she’s hunched in the past, then later down the line finds herself in a relationship with someone else….1) Would you think it would be fair for her to continue to kick it and spend time as she normally would with said “guy friend” who she’s had chexual relations with, now that she’s in a serious relationship with someone new…just because their still cool with one another? 2) How do you think her new man would take such a revelation if he were to find out (later on down the road) that one his girl’s best (male) friends, “Chuck” used to have her knees pushed up to her ears, diggin’ her out…literally?…and he’s now become a mutual friend of theirs and been invited for dinner parties and social outings. And 3) Do you actually think as a woman, she’d be A-okay with you spending time, let alone inviting his female friend who he’s smashed (quite possibly REPEATEDLY)?
Uh, Heeyyyaallle naw, Miss Millie.
You asked alot of questions and they seemed to blur… So I’m just gonna give some answers. Hopefully to what you asked
1) no I don’t think men are as cool with women keeping their male friends around as women are about vice versa. My personal opinion– what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. So if you keep female friends I keep male friends. Get it got it good!
2)I don’t think it would go well.
3)I don’t think that would go well either.
For the record my question didn’t refer to old cut buddies, but actual friends. Not to say some cut buddies exist, just not the point of my post.
To expound on what (I think) you’re getting at, I still hang with my male “friends” (I use the word loosely as one of my BFFs insists someone you’ve kissed is no longer a friend). Do I plan to give them up? No. Will it alter our interaction? Probably. If for some reason he doesn’t like a certain guy, will I get ghost on that guy? Yup.
OC,
Okay, slow down grasshopper….I caught you original post and understood the sentiments behind them the first time I read.
…and excuse the confusion, but my question(s) were derived from and directed at Saule’s statement:
Have there been instances where when myself and a female friend were both single that things happened…sure. (AND) —> I will admit, that what usually happens is that the same female friends that I’m always emotionally (as a friend, ya know, support, advice, shoulder to cry on, etc.) available for no matter if I’m in a relationship or single, will invariably change their availability when they get a man. Simply stated, when they get a man, they get hella distant where as, I don’t do that.
I also felt it was safe to include you because it was an interesting dialogue that began with the two of you…instead of just elbowing my way into the exchange.
Additionally, I wasn’t getting at anything. I frankly stated that I agreed that if anything intimate (be it cutbuddy or any (unintentional) intimate exchange(s) occurred, I can wholeheartedly understand why ‘ol girl may feel the need to fallback if she’s seriously entertaining the advances of someone else of substance. Shole do. Per the topic of discussion or heyal, experience has shown us, that even in the most innocent settings…given the right opportunity and/or situation and the consent of a man and a woman (no matter who they’re betrothed to) has potential to crossover into a whole ‘notha realm which equals confusion and an unwanted situation. So clearly my questions were directed at Saule; he simply has yet to respond.
I don’t believe in close platonic friendships* between men and women. All of my female friends are either in relationships with other people or they live 6+ hours away.
So, I will say walk with your eyes open.
* I have a pretty tight (small) circle of friends. I know other people’s definition of friends encompasses my definition of acquaintances. So, to be specific, i used the term “close platonic friendship”.
What do you think of guys that have several female friends?
it’s cool as long as he sets boundaries
I was expecting more
but this us sufficient.
Well timed post. I just had this conversation with one of my FB fam who is ALWAYS posting and lamenting about men and/in relationships. I asked her “Is a mans loyalty to you the most important thing in a relationship? And by loyalty, I’m speaking of the physical aspect of it.” She replied in less than a minute, “YES”. There was nothing else in the response, no extrapolation, nothing. I wondered and even asked her, did she think it was something she learned or something inherent to people or women in general. She dismissed that question and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t want no cheatin’ man”. The comments here and my own life experience pretty much echoes the same sentiment of that “YES”.
Seems to me that men expect loyalty and therefore, aren’t concerned about it, where women fear being cheated on so they are always on edge…or men just ain’t about not cheating so women are justified in being on the look out for it.
Iono, I’m rambling, carry on.
I think the most important thing is trust. That encompasses loyalty so I can see why you’d get the answer that you did.
@Saule Wright
I would like to explore a little deeper this statement:
“Is a mans loyalty to you the most important thing in a relationship? And by loyalty, I’m speaking of the physical aspect of it.”
I have several older,female family members who believe that, from a historical standpoint, (most) men have always cheated and it is not a determination on how good of a husband, provider, dad, community-person, President/Mayor/Golfer/First Black AD for UGA. Man he is. They contend that they do not concern themselves with whether or not their husband is cheating as long as the mortgage is paid, the kids have food on the table, the lawn is cut and they don’t have Herpes/HIV/a letter from the Child Support office.
IDK, just something to think about
@the frog princess,
That is also what I hear from older women who have been married for years. They basically say that as long as he does everything a husband is supposed to, they could care less about a sidepiece. I also suspect that they have their fun on the side from time to time also.
@ Beta
As I mature, I wonder if we as women put too much emphasis on owning a man’s dic*. I wonder if this is more about control than anything.
My best friend’s husband has a fickle employment history in retail sales no less, bad money-mgmt skills, non-communicative and does not help around the house or with their baby but she thinks he’s a “Good Husband” because in 7 years of marriage he’s never been caught cheating. SMH
I don’t condone cheating and I would never enter a long-term relationship agreeing to be cheated on. However, isn’t a stable household more important than a man exploring a PHYSICAL connection with another woman – ever once and a while – more important? #Will&Jada
“I wonder if we as women put too much emphasis on owning a man’s dic*.”
I think women do make that most important.I also think it is more about control than anything else. I would be breaking man law if I told you what the norm is about this. I think that after years of trying to “own his d*ck,” many women decide to play that issue down. It’s usually after they get bored with him sexually and they want to step out from time to time.
I’m so loving the list because I have these conversations with people ALL THE TIME (male and female); and when I mention #2 (in the context of constantly being surrounded by female friends) and #3, some of them pull the “you’re insecure” card. People who really know me can testify that I’m far from insecure, but what I am is realistic about people and situations. Nothing bothers me more than people who jump through hoops to justify needing to spend so much time with their friend of the opposite sex even though they are in a monogamous relationship. I’m not saying you should give up said friend, but as Champ’s description pointed out, there should be clear limits.
As for the nightclubbing thing: Standing ovation for : “clubs are places specifically designed for men to come and see as many women in one place as possible”. I love when my guy friends pretend that although this is true, it has no effect on them. They go to drink and hang with the fellas. *deep cutting side-eye*
Folks should recognize that they are not immune to falling victim to cheating and should avoid situations that could lead to it. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to say “I’m sorry” all the time.
I love when my guy friends pretend that although this is true, it has no effect on them. They go to drink and hang with the fellas. *deep cutting side-eye*
every man ive ever known who was in a relationship but still went clubbing frequently eventually cheated on their girl. every. single. one. this might be the only statement ive made on here that has absolutely no qualifiers
Three words: Mmnn. Roxy Reynolds.
*Homer drooling sound*
*deep sigh*
@Mr SoBo
Roxy Reynolds needs to give women a class on how to properly throw it back when a dude is giving backshots.
@Humble_One
*nods head in approval*
I concur.
To add: Roxy Reynolds needs to give women a class on how to properly ride, ’cause her jockeying skills are ridickulous.
what’s so special about it? is it the…nevermind…
*reminds self to check out roxy reynolds later on.
Initially I was like “ugh, men!”… but then I thought “well, hold on, what is exactly is alladis about” *starts googlin Roxy Reynolds on cell (@work)* “whoa!” lol
*in wise Asian man voice*
In addition to mastering the art of Tongue-Fu, you must learn the ways of the Roxy. For it is only then that the student….will become the teacher.
Learn the ways of Roxy, Yeah…So San. Learn the ways.
Take off your jacket. Now hang it up.
Wax on. Wax off. Slide on. Slide off.
Learn the ways.
I shoulda seen this coming *takes off jacket* *hangs up jacket* (repeat)
I couldn’t have been the only one laughing when Jackie Chan told Jayden “Jacket off”
…maybe I was.
i’m on it soon as i get home
don’t judge me
so… i’ll give RR some props for how she riiiiiiiides…ciara.
but her fake ‘oh yeahs’ pretty much kill it for me. i’d rather my pron clips not feel/sound like pron but like sex. that probably only makes sense to me. which is fine, cuz no one will read this anyways! hahaha.
#vsbsiberia.
gotcha! i read it lol
@melekaj: lol! im so busted!
jus cuz mi neva say anyting yesterday..neva mean seh mi neva see wha y a seh..
MI!? Neglectful!?
yu need two rahtid cuff!!
Not nearly as bad as waiting for an email that never came though… (she said innocently)
i wanna fight you…
*snicker*…i was waiting for you to come thru on this. This is how cheating begins.
@Nickerz
So long as the fight is under the sheets, I will have my glove and I will surely come out swinging.
O______O deeeeaaaaadddddd!!!! 6 feet under with maggots.
This comment solidifies why you are my ninja. Boy you are crazy!
you got it messed up.. yu needed to take care of home before you brought yourself out here on these internets..
i’m SO rolling my eyes at you…
i bet you just “fixing a showerhead tonight” too..
for your “friend”..
you see.. and this is how the trust gets shattered…
Nickerz, hol’ on nuh.
Baybeee. Pictcha me an yooou….undah di tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Mi deh ah work yah now, an mi ongle have access to mi hotmail pan mi phone. Mi caan sidung in di office ah type one long letta inna mi phone. Yuh waan dem fiyah me? Hush darlin’, me wi sen it tonight. Alright suga plums?
DEADDDDDD @ Vybz Kartel.
sooooooo dead.
carry on.
LMAO @ “ongle”
nuh badda tink seh cah yu mek mi laugh likkle bit yu can get back inna mi bed yah tonight!!!
yu deh yah a fish man!!!
but yu nuh ave di propah bait!!
mi will see if yu can keep yu word!!
Well typed, Champ.
Simply don’t do intimate things with the opposite, not typing about sex either. The coffee break together, hungging as a greeting, riding somewhere together, talking a bit too long, or even meeting for lunch together (eyeing Champ) can lead to indiscretions.
May not happen for days, months, or years, but just completely avoid that alone time with the opposite sex without your SO. Better yet, simply CHOOSE not to cheat-ahh, life made simple.
in other words FLEE temptation, don’t put yourself in situations where sh*t can jump off, be misinterpreted etc
The coffee break together, hungging as a greeting, riding somewhere together, talking a bit too long, or even meeting for lunch together (eyeing Champ) can lead to indiscretions.
so basically just completely avoid all women forever?
So the whole ‘work wife’ concept is frowned upon?
Number 1 summed up every subsequent point. Be committed, be SURE you’re committed, be SURE that you’re SURE that you WANT to be committed to the person AND to the relationship, which are not necessarily the same thing.
I’m quickly skimming…and just had to ask about that “Mrs.” You’s married now? (I apologize if you’ve already been asked and elaborated)….if so, congrats!!!
I just realized the “Mrs” Smiley Face.
Congrats!!!
and is that a wedding Avi, awwwww how sweet -congrats
Beautiful! Congrats!
And that folks is all there is to know. From there, all the other 4 points are no-brainers.
1.)Only commit if you’re 100 percent sure you actually want to Cosign. I can’t speak for women but I think men get into relationships half-@ssed because of selfishness. They enjoy the perks of a girlfriend but dot like the other stuff. So they get into a relationship with a woman to keep her around so he can keep getting his benefits. One thing I told myself is that if I get into another relationship I will give it 110% and if I feel I can’t I don’t need to be in it with that woman..
2.)remember that you’re man
I agree with this. Although I think some men have more discipline than others. I never cheated even though I had mad opportunities to do it. But if you are a man and you have “kamikaze d**k” or you are a “p***y wolf” you should not entertain certain situations or women.
2a) This applies to men and women
If this chic/man is always flirting or throwing suggestions out why is he/she your ‘friend’. Are they really your friend? Are you really ‘friends’ with your former fwb or ex bf/gf, coworker, guy/woman at gym, etc.? Why do you keep them around if it’s over? Do you have the same conversations with her/him as you do with your other friends? Do all your ‘friends’ joke about hooking up with you again or throw hints about hooking up period? When you keep these people around you are one bad argument, or rough point in the relationship to slipping.
3) no more night-clubbing
Maybe it’s me but my sole purpose of going to a club was never to get women. Would I talk to women there? Yes. It was more of hanging out with my crew with a possibility to get women more so than just going to get women. Then again a LOT of dudes are wolves in the club so I can see where you are coming from. And if he/she is in there a lot they’re still searching for new people to add to the roster.
4) don’t talk to cock-teasing @ssholes
Some dudes like to talk to these folks as an escape from their relationship. Or entertain their ego, making sure they still ‘have it’. I’ve seen men let women like this get them in trouble.
5) watch p**n
I never watched porn until I got into a bad relationship. Before a relationship I never bought Smooth or Black Men magazine. When I got into a relationship my free porn and urban model magazine consumption went up. These things keep the peace and sanity. And give you a lot of ideas too. As longs as you know it’s fantasy and not reality you’re all good.
I always look for your comments cause they’re so on point. You hit the nail on the head with #1. I’ve actually heard men say they gave her the title as girlfriend because of timing and consistent sex or whatever other “perks” there were. smh
#4 is on point. I’m a woman and I will tell you: we know exactly what we are doing/saying and how it affects you. We Are Aware. We know our thong is showing, etc. I’m well aware of my body is showing in my avi, I’m well aware of what I say and do that brings male attention to me. I used to be a certified c*ck tease back in the day. This I think is the responsibility of the woman but since it’s about men today…I’ll blame ya’ll for falling victim to this.
“4) don’t talk to cock-teasing @ssholes
Some dudes like to talk to these folks as an escape from their relationship. Or entertain their ego, making sure they still ‘have it’. I’ve seen men let women like this get them in trouble. ”
Exactly. By applying this “test” to see if they still got it, they’re diving into messiness head-first. Literally.
There is no need to initiate #4. Wait long enough and you’d be in a position where someone approaches you and you can turn them down. In full view of your SO. Then you get the benefit of ego stroking with your SO seeing that you value them above all else.
Heck, last month, my SO asked me to go flirt with a girl, then deliberately walk back to her just when the chick would be anticipating swapping digits. Apparently the chick had given my SO the evil eye earlier that evening. . .
i wanted to say major “thank you”. you said what i wanted to say but i couldn’t get out at that hour of the morning..
we all know i’m still groggy because i have nothing more to add.. Lol..
I never watched porn until I got into a bad relationship. Before a relationship I never bought Smooth or Black Men magazine
late-bloomer and sh*t.
Co-sign, Especially 2a. I never been one for being all chummy with an “ex”. If we ended things amicably, then cool. But I am not calling the ‘ex’ to chop it up about whatever. My sense of amicable is, I can greet you in the street and wish you well in all your endeavors. To do otherwise for me is messy, leaves the door open, may give false hope and dude is an ‘ex’ for a reason so I don’t feel like being bothered wit yo’ a*z and probably vice-versa. It always surprised me when a relationship ended and the ‘ex’ would expect conversation and interaction to continue as if nothing happened.
Co-signing the original and the co-sign(s) attached to it.
legitimate_soul, girl you hit the nail on the head elaborating on 2a.
Excellent breakdown!…chopped that up nicely.
^Thank you! I’m thinking I have found my e-twin in you because we always seem to be —-><—– here!
Why do you keep them around if it’s over?
Because people are not disposable and relationships are not solely about s3x. When you date someone, hopefully they are your friends… at least that’s what I strive for… So those are relationships I have built over the years. Because we are no longer flexing, everything else about them is no longer relevant? That seems crazy to me.
Am I going to hang out with an ex every other day? Nope. Do we invite each other when there are big, life changing shindigs? Absolutely, if we’ve kept in somewhat touch. My ex is throwing a going-away party this friday. He and his fiance are getting married in September. Yes, I will attend the party because they are both friends of mine now.
I don’t know the idea of going through life just discarding people for the sole reason that their male parts and my female ones no longer communicate seem ridiculous… and a bit childish if I might add…
You can call me a relationship expert. I’m not the side piece, I’m not the homegirl, groupie girl pal, etc I’m always the girlfriend and here are 2 of my absolute pet peeves about the decisions men make in relationships:
1) Under-estimating the power of a woman
I truly do not understand this “relax, I’m in control…what’s she gonna do? rape me?” thinking. Women can mess up your situation in more ways than one and it doesn’t have to be through physical sex. Female friends are an absolute no no PERIOD when you’re in a relationship. I don’t care if she’s not me, yada yada yada. Women are the ultimate seductress. I always share a bit of my life as an example so I will share this: past boyfriend had a female “sister friend” (the girl who he grew up with who he says is like a sister) BLAH. Homegirl moved into our apartment complex. (yes chile!) She needed help moving, help with her kids (who called him uncle)…next thing you know I would wake up and she and him would be on the patio “choppin it up” at 2am!!! I came outside like Grace Jones and scared the ish out of them. Took the beer right out of her hand and said “Party Over!” Unfortunately for her I’m Jamaican and from the South. I confronted her one day kiki style and she denied loving him but moved back to Cali 3 weeks later because “Florida had no options”…chile please! Exposed. He kept denying his attraction but was completely naive to her advances. (Even his mama told him to watch out for her) She wanted to skype with him, etc. It was just getting ridiculous.
2)If you wouldn’t do/say/be there with me or want me to do the same thing, then DON’T!
I am well aware that when your SO aint around, people do mild flirting, suggestive convo etc and consider it harmless but it isn’t. One thing I love about being a woman is my ability to “smell out ish”. Take me to the office party, hell bring her around me and I will know who knows you more than they should. Extended convos, lunches, happy hours, etc are too informal. Don’t let her vent to you about her husband, etc. Skype, gchat, etc are all no nos. Stop playing dumb because before you know it, you’ve caught feelings or are mentally comparing her to me.
Oh one more thing. I see men make this mistake over and over. They have a girlfriend they love but may be arguing alot with for whatever reason. Here comes the coworker/old friend etc that is just “cool”. She doesn’t argue with you, ya’ll hang out and you find yourself thinking how “cool” she is. Then you leave/cheat on your current girlfriend for the homegirl…slap the new title on the homegirl as your new girlfriend. Then, WHAM she starts giving you the same headache your ex girl did except you now realize she’s not half the woman your ex was and has “bad habits”. Friends will always be cool because they have no expectations of you. Girlfriends come with certain stresses because we love you and have certain expectations of you. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
I think we all know when we are in the danger zone. If you truly love your girlfriend and know that other girl isn’t an upgrade then just save yourself the drama and be faithful. Why be greedy? Quantity is not quality. When you get ready to settle down and can’t find any “good women”, don’t complain because you cheated on all the good ones you had. This is a sore subject for me so I’ll stop rambling. Good morn-ting.
@SmartFoxGirl
” Under-estimating the power of a woman”
I’m guilty of this now and in the past. I assume that most women are just being friendly and there is no attraction to me. IDK.
“I assume that most women are just being friendly and there is no attraction to me. IDK.”
Actually — though it can be dangerous — I commend you for that. I can’t stand when a Black Gary Busey thinks I want him just because I said ‘hey’ and smiled. But, also that assumption can leave you kinda…exposed to danger. Guys can’t win for losing, I guess. lol
It is possible but I think if you look hard enough, you will know who’s feelin you and who sees you as a friend.
@SFG, I’m mad she asked to Skype him. People need to realize that technology doesn’t help you cover up your scandalous ways.
Can you believe that? That’s when I first discovered what skype was. A webcam? She needs to look at you when you chat now? I wonder what two people would do just staring at each other…hmmm. Ninja please! (sorry I had a flashback)
lmao!! this is so funny to me. I’m sorry. My ex and I, best friends for nearly 10 years, still talk fairly often, and occasionally video chat…don’t really think much of it. He’s been in a serious relationship for a couple years now. I come to video chat in work out gear, and a greasy ponytail usually. No makeup, glasses on etc. Never really thought much of it. I would venture to say that our relationship is completely platonic, but having been so close, for so long, it may be more than what might be acceptable for other folks. idk.
I do recognize it’s kind of a weird situation, and I’ve never met his newbie, I won’t be at the wedding…hmmmm. However, I’m not the side piece or anything besides a friend. We haven’t been physically in each other’s presence in a couple years(which given other statements here, may be for the best), we don’t discuss relationships, there is no flirting, nothing that would make her uncomfortable(aside from us being so comfortable and having so much history). just like talking to a homie. I would tell his girl she has absolutely nothing to be worried about regarding our friendship.
…
now that I think about it though, when I make a serious commitment again, I will def shut it down out of respect for my SO, so perhaps the relationship isn’t appropriate?? idk. ahhh well.
THANK YOU!!!!!
i just LOVE how dude had the co-worker “friend” that mysteriously got his number.. GTFOH!!! ironically, after we’d broken up, him and this friend went to Universal… and since he was trying to get back with me, when i questioned him, he lied. again and again..
thus, the slap heard around the world was born (and died)”
i can’t begin to tell the stories of the dudes who let me go, then came back talkin bout “there was just something about you.” I KNOW THAT!! one of them would text me that he was thinking about me WHILE he was living with his girlfriend.. she broke up with him.. “why?” because he wasn’t fully mentally there and she thought he wanted to be with me.. (he did).. now that he’s available, can i KEEP this dude out my phone??
get thee away from meee..
pure gayness and faggotry ting dat..
gurl i love the i miss you texts. My ex told me last week that i can never trust him around me nor any future boyfriends of mine because he will always want me. They always come back and on their knees too…that’s how you know you were good to them. I never understood why friends who are involved go on trips. Trips=romance
@SmartFoxGirl
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
Do you curtail the existence of all male friendships while YOU are involved in a relationship?
Are male friends an “absolute no no PERIOD for you” as well?
I’m waiting……….*tapping foot, looks at watch*
Yes. When I was involved, my male friends were limited to facebook, merry christmas texts, and group gatherings. I just didn’t want the drama plus I have a slight guy brain and my mind stays in the gutter.
I mean, since you have a ‘slight guy brain’ that stays in the gutter, I take it, you just don’t trust yourself which is why you keep male ‘friends’ at a distance. Would this be a correct statement?
Ummm no I have major self control. I’m actually a very disciplined person. I’m hesitant to elaborate because you so nasty! Let’s just say I have a healthy chex appetite (one that can rival men’s) and I constantly think about it or other weird
freakthings. Guys flirt alot so I try to limit interaction when I’m in a relationship cause I find my mind going in the gutter.I applaud your resilience.
“Female friends are an absolute no no PERIOD when you’re in a relationship.”
don’t you think this is taking it a bit too far?
Actually Champ I loved how you went into detail in defining what’s over the line. I just don’t believe a man and a woman can be that close without things getting hazey. What you described as only if your girl is present, daytime hours, brief and non chexual is perfect. That’s how it should be however being that many men do not know how to enforce these rules, I say eliminate it all together. If you are in a relationship, then the female friends should turn distant/associates/whatever you want to call it.
*Just for fun* Reminds me of a Monique’ comedy bit about not having yatches in ya’ house when you not there. She said “If I grab my pocketbook, then every chick in the house is leaving. Yep, you too, Momma….Let’s go!” LOL
I’m with you SFG…
One should avoid all appearances of impropriety if they are committed to fidelity. I have several male friends -some in committed relationships, some not – and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that ALL of them would f**k me if given the opportunity.
No ego, just the grown as* woman truth
@LS LMBO!!! I have to youtube that
@FrogPrincess
We always agree. That’s no ego girl that is factual! I used to have alot of male friends (all of whom I ditched for my ex). It was rough at first I was denying the fact that they were attracted to me because some of them I’d known for 5 years+ however I realized that it was a must in order to keep my relationship happy and healthy. When I changed my facebook status to single earlier this year, I got 32 msgs in my inbox no joke! All my guy friends came out the woodwork confessing what they wanted from me. They were waiting for me to be single or waiting for me to give a sign.
The bat signal.
lmbo stoopid
@SFG you’re my new eBFF (awwwww)
When I called off my engagement, the same thing happened to me. All of my so called “Homeboys” couldn’t wait until I got my mine right so that they could put their bid in – even some of his Frat brothers that I met through him were wanting to have dinner with me “to check on me”.#not Kappas
LOL…aww of course! We should get matching bracelets or be blood brothers. #nohangover lol Men swear they’re slick and frat brothers are the worst!
From my experience, those that wait (no John P. Kee) for signs are either waiting to get played, get diseased, or get their ashe beat. Real relationships aren’t built off signs, so don’t swing my way….unless you are Boris, Idris, or Morris. SN: Can we start an official Chexy Chocolate obsession club?
oooooh yes and sprinkle in Lance Gross with about 20lbs more muscle. grrrrr
Awwwwww to the sprinkling of the muscles…but he could get it.
You ain’t neva’ lied @ SmartFoxGirl. Your #1 with guys is a combination of several things: Humility (not recognizing or down-playing their “catchability”), enjoying the attention, and playing dumb, or actually doubting that as a man a woman can prey upon them. So many guys would be getting attention from a woman they had no interest in or “was not feeling” and ended up in love, committed, in a relationship (one that wasn’t too good for him because said girl was flirty, playing games, and openly looking for boyfriend #2 or a replacement), and even looking to marry. I saw these brother’s get caught up, get hurt, disrespected and their last words before falling for said chick was “relax, I’m in control…what’s she gonna do? rape me?”
*dap, hug, hi five, and kid n’ play* Amen! Hence the word “caught up”. People just need to get real with themselves and stop frontin. Then they call up the ex beggin to come back. If I know a man is married/engaged/committed and I still flirt with him (unless he’s Boris, Idris or Morris) consider me hoe-like and don’t trust me. I have friends who confess all sorts to me and all I can think to myself is “self, never leave her around your man…not even to get some juice out the fridge”
“self, never leave her around your man…not even to get some juice out the fridge”
LOL. Damn. You got some interesting ‘friends’. It’s really to that level of trife?
I thought the basis of any friendship was trust.
I’m from Miami, remember that. It’s capital of trife women. You meet plenty day to day. Women out here look like sheep so it’s hard to see through the wool until they open their mouth. Plus they all wanna be at your house drinking your juice.
It’s not always about trust…sometimes it’s just being smart. I got mad an associate the other day for talking about how tight she was in front of my date and my other friend’s husband. Not appropriate.
“…for talking about how tight she was in front of my date and my other friend’s husband.”
*In the voice of Joey from Blossom* “Whoa”.
i can’t say this is why i keep my circle so tight.. because i figure we’re not in high school anymore..
then my friend told me she made out with my ex because “he was the one who called”
we ain’t been the same since..
thirsty broads make me wanna choke a b*tch.. #NoWayneBrady
i would’ve felt better if she actually told me she liked him.. i mean, you don’t even have feelings and you risked our friendship because he called.. (something so simple) i don’t even know where to begin with that one..
Yeah, Sobo just brought to my attention. They aren’t friends, they’re associates. I probably have 3 good friends who I can trust. The rest are associates.
Co-sign number two (and I have excellent credit).
Something I told my last girl the moment we agreed on having a relationship. If it’s not something that you’d do with me standing there, then chances are you’re in the wrong. Period.
I’m still dumbfounded as to why people can’t understand such a simple concept like this.
@bdot
LMAO @ co-signing with excellent credit.
LMBO Bdot, yes it is a very simple rule to live by and will keep you happy and healthy. Some people never learn.
B Dot, agreed. My working definition is if it’s something I’d typically only do with my man it’s off limits.
As someone who always holds the title of “girlfriend” as well, I completely co-sign the entirety (sp) of this post.
While I won’t go as far as to say no female friends, I will say that no female friends whom I haven’t met, or when offered, don’t want to meet me. If that’s your FRIEND, she’s been around as long as you say she has and there are no ulterior motives, then that heffa SHOULD want to know me. PERIOD! If she doesn’t, I call bullsh*t and fast.
Also, I will cut a heffa for calling too many times after 11pm. Do not call, text, email, skype, pigeon mail carrier my dude at that hour unless death is involved. And by cut a heffa, I mean JUST THAT. I will deal with him accordingly as well…which usually is the same method.
….too old to be playing these games….(drops mic)
I think number 1 is a swindle a lot of guys use.
If a man uses this line, most likely, he has already cheated or is thinking about it. A man who doesn’t want to cheat doesn’t even get in a situation where he might have to underestimate anybody’s strength…
Well, that, or he is REALLY naive… and that’s not my type.
“3. no more night-clubbing”
Yeah, remember that older guy I talked about a while ago who wanted to see my cheekie hoo-ha? (update: he didn’t…Champ will be proud…lol) Well, he’s a party promoter…so…yeah. Thing is, his girl is also involved in the the biz with him. She says she makes sure she’s out with him and there won’t be a problem with other chicks. That’s all well and good, but what about outside of the club. Honestly, she is a VERY pretty girl and obviously that means pork sh*t. Unless she follows him around the club all night (which is not a good look), she has no idea what deals he’s closing with other partygoers.
She seems like the type that’ll know what’s up in terms of reality, but at the same time, I’ve heard stories that she’ll snap if a chick even LOOKS at her man. *shrug*
And who wants all that stress, really. Ugh
It MUST be a lot of stress. Like right after he was first trying to get at me, they had this HUGE fight…like full on wrestling each other. He ended up in jail overnight. A MESS.
While I’m attracted to him and BRIEFLY considered giving up the goods at one point, I always stayed firm on one thing: While I like him and thinks he’s a cool guy….he’s a straight up ho, and could never be his girlfriend. SMH… Whatever boats your float.
Right all that stress for a false sense of security and still not in control of anyone but yourself….what the he!!, O_O. thats too much policing for me SMH, if you can’t trust mofo than what’s the point.
“hot” dudes in terms of personality.lifestyle profession etc are a NO NO neva again for me..unless he is really truly unfazed by it all and its just a means for dinero
Here’s an addtion…
6. If you got to lie about it, just don’t do it! (the anti-Nike)
Cosign. If you feel you can’t tell me that you’re fixing her shower head at 11pm…then don’t do it.
Cosign.
* If you feel you can’t tell me you’re cleaning his pipes at 11pm…then don’t do it.
* If you feel you can’t tell me you’re playing pin the tail on the donkey(and YOU are the donkey)…then don’t do it.
* If you feel you can’t tell me you’re a regular mule for his yule… then don’t do it!
lol STOP.
ok thank gawt cuz I was like whaaaa? when I read this lol
What? *smile*
The truth is sometimes as ridiculous as the fallacies in life.
Nothing I write is fantasy, regardless of how fantastical it may seem. Remember that.
whaaa? LMAO… I think you and Panama went to the same public school. FYI… no disrespect to Nickers EVER, but that “coming out swinging” comment YESSIR! bwahahahaha
I hear you Yeah…So, but I ain’t lying about shat. See, I’m a person who thinks about ‘ish not sounding or feeling right and won’t go there. If it seems suspect, unsavory, or you feel you have to insert “it wasn’t even like that…” I’ll pass!
Most men I know are under the impression that sweet attractive girls mean no harm. How can such a sweet pretty girl be manipulative? She’s just being nice, she wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Not me. I learned the brick hard way back in college. That sweet innocent “wouldn’t hurt a fly” shyt doesn’t work with me anymore after that significantly life changing experience. A lesson WELL learned.
Glad you are aware. Admittedly, I come off very innocent to dudes. Ihave big bright eyes and am generally a sweet person. Dudes constantly tell me I’m a “good girl” one ex actually said I was a “sweet flower who needed his protection” (I kid you not, he said those exact words). I’m not saying I’m not a good girl, but I know I’m not the innocent little “don’t hurt a fly” lady they think I am, lol. My demeanor hides a lot of mischeif.
The old adage, “All that glitters is not gold” is the absolute truth.
So I am definitely weary of glittery and shiny women.
F*ck around & you might find yourself with a lump of coal you thought was a diamond.
you know some dumb a$$ dudes, sorry but alot of brawds are manipulators and blood suckers, using for their looks as bait.
I call them vampire brawds…
A small addition = If something annoys you or you feel a certain way about something, say it to your SO. Keeping it in or shying away from a fight because you want to seem agreeable or you want SO in your life forever is what usually leads you to find solace in someone else’s company…which usually leads to an emotional attachment to that OTHER…which leads to…
A small addition = If something annoys you or you feel a certain way about something, say it to your SO.
hmmm. i don’t know about that one. some things are just best left unsaid
Number 2 is good for staying out of trouble period, not just for cheaters. I have a new experiment I’m working on: don’t drink alone with a man ever again. I hypothesize I’ll experience 100% less man problems. I’ll let ya’ll know the results lol.
“don’t drink alone with a man ever again. ”
Yeah, don’t do it homie.
You think you safe but no. Best/worst drinking story
My foolish cousin was at a not so calm get-together with some old (trifling) friends. Apparently this dude she was trying to get in college showed up, next thing you know everyone is getting tipsy—J Kwon—and her friends and his friends are egging them on to make up for lost time. He apparently wasn’t into her back thing but I guess he changed his mind or the liquor did him in. Next thing they know, they dip off with the congrats of other partygoers. 9 months later….
Damn LOL. See. That’s how people get got.
9 months later she got hit by a bus?
If you’re talking about pregnancy, your cousin’s issue is more than her choice in men.
She most certainly has issues. She really made it seem like she got peer pressured into having chex.
I loved the poignancy of the slip-n-slide pic by the way, Champster.
“entries that will probably get me in trouble,”
And yeah, the above tag? I thought about this while reading and chuckled. Better have a cooked meal awaiting or some other swindle ish.
And yeah, the above tag? I thought about this while reading and chuckled. Better have a cooked meal awaiting or some other swindle ish.
no cooked meal waiting, but i do have some waffles.
Hmm…that could work.
Yessssss. Me likey Champ. *claps*
I think most men don’t understand that it’s not ok to be in the club every weekend when you have a woman…it just makes no sense at all to rather spend your weekend partying it up with a bunch of strangers than with your woman…or man. hehe
it makes perfect sense actually. wrong? sure. sensible? definitely
*nodding*
#1 is an excellent point! What is the point of even getting into the relationship if you’re not wholeheartedly ready and committed to it. Then you end up dealing with that throughout the entire relationship and chances are very likely that it won’t last.
#4 is a good one too. That just seems like bad business right there.
welcome and sh*t
I just wanted to share this:
The Black count at my job is now 5…yes there a whopping 5 of us now. (hey it’s progress) and get this, we are all female and 4 of us are Jamaican. Not just from the islands but all from Jamaica. I thought that was pretty funny.
“I thought that was pretty funny.”
i’m glad somebody did
-_O jamaicans are still taking over hater
Jamaicans hold in down in the job market. I’m hard pressed to find an unemployed Jamaican…..2-3 jobs at least, lol
well it is Miami *shrug*
LOL I know location is the reason for this
@SmartFoxGirl
“we are all female and 4 of us are Jamaican. Not just from the islands but all from Jamaica. I thought that was pretty funny.”
The VSBs will need phone numbers and full body pics of these women so we can verify there ability to cook oxtail and plantain.
don’t even try it…
you can’t out-slick a slickster..
@Humble_one
“The VSBs will need phone numbers and full body pics of these women so we can verify there ability to cook oxtail and plantain”
RUDE AND DISOBEDIENT!! You want oxtail AND plantain?? Peoples gotta EARN dat!! Do you know how expensive oxtail is?? LOL.
Too outtaordah!
Usain Bolt to di worrrrrrrrld! Brap Brap Brap!!
*waves flag
*whines waist
*blows whistle
sorry..getting my practice on for caribana next weeeeeek!!!
They are all attractive too…except for one she is mampie lol
@SmartFoxGirl
If they are attractive and have a donk me, Mr. SoBo, and the other VSB will need those pics to assure their *cough* cooking skills.
I cosign Humble_One’s insightful suggestion.
Next work function i’ll snap a pic…i’m on it lol
@SFG
Mampie? LOL!! Now you know you aint right for that.
@SmartFoxGirl, *giving you dap and hollering laughing* Why did I google that and fall out….I’m using it! My Jamaican folks are gonna laugh when I use it in convo.
SmartFoxGirl, can I have the appropriate pronunciation too
Mam-pee is the phonetic pronunciation.
^Thank you, Sir!
Longtime reader. First time Commenter.
I could not read your post and stand on the sidelines. You brothers are on target.
Full Disclosure: 2 years ago I was in a lukewarm relationship with a girl who was both beautiful, and surprisingly sweet. It did not matter how many positives she had though, I knew I was not in it for the long haul. Fast forward 6 months to her standing over my bed at 4 AM with my cell phone in hand asking “Who is Lisa*?” After reading through a string of text messages that would make Uncle Luke blush, she dumped me. I tried half heartedly to reconcile, and although I did not REALLY want to be with her, I will never forget her face. It was a mix of sadness, disappointment, rage, bitterness, and pain. It hurt to see her with the look. 2 years later whenever I bump into her, she still has the same look on her face. It was at this moment, over wings and tears 2 years ago that I decided I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, cheat again.
Recently I entered another relationship, and I made sure not to violate rule 1. I do not want to cheat, and I’m all in with this one (hopefully she’s the last one).
I, however, do not trust myself. You should not trust yourself either. As human beings, we are only blessed with so much self control. So to combat my years of whoreishness I decided to treat fidelity like Ray Kroc treated McDonalds. I built a system. While it is not full proof- I have to want to use the system- it does seem to work for me. Maybe it will work for you.
The tenets of the system are as follows:
1. Treat new women as though they are the enemy.
When I meet a new woman I repeat this line in my head, “Don’t you trust her. She’s trying to kill you.” How? If I hook up with her she might have the Herp. If I give my girl the Herp, she’s going to stab me. Or, she is too pretty to be smiling and flirting with me like that, she must be running a credit card scam (quick, check your wallet ninja, you might have gotten pickpocket). Or she really is a serial killer, If I go home with her she’ll be wearing my face as a hat. Extreme? Maybe. But being paranoid works.
2. Include your girl.
It’s really hard to cheat, or even to meet new women to cheat with, when your girl is there. I kept a list (ok, full full disclosure: I’m a geek, when I say list I mean a database) of the places where I met women. 90% of the women I’ve slept with I met at house parties, bars/nightclubs (if you live in Atlanta, and you don’t want to cheat avoid Sutra, Café Circa, and Pearl on a Tuesday), and the grocery store (pause: seriously brothers, if you’re single and you’re NOT meeting women at the grocery store I don’t know what you’re doing with your life). Back to the topic at hand. I bring me girl with me to all these places. We go grocery shopping together. We go to house parties together. I would say we go to the club together, but I feel weird there because of my number 1, too many killers in the room. In fact, I went to my Publix the other day by myself and the bag lady asked, “hey, where’s your lady?” The plan is working.
3. Set a bedtime.
I’m I my bed (alone) or my girl’s bed by 1 AM. Anything that happens after 1 AM is the devil.
4. Keep a picture of your lady on your phone.
That makes it real hard to get another girl’s number. Or at least it gives you a pause.
5. Don’t get near beds; they’re dangerous.
No women are allowed at my house except my momma and my lady. Vice versa I don’t go to women’s houses. That cuts down on 85% of the places where I would have sex.
6. Treat yourself like an addict.
Take it one day at a time. Avoid crackhouses. Avoid other crackheads. Crack kills. Len Bias.
a. Addict rule part 2: avoid the biggest crackhead in your life. I have a friend Tim* who is hooked on new new. He has a girlfriend but you will find him at the party, slizzard and trying to bag something. I love Tim (no homo). We’ve been friends for over a decade. Man law will not allow us to not be friends. But I have to treat him like a gremlin and I can not feed him after midnight. This means we do not go to the club(crackhouse) together. We can play madden but we ain’t kickin it after the witching hour.
b. Addict rules part 3: replace on addiction with another. I do not think about poon when the new madden or NBA 2k drops ( aside: Jordan is on the cover of 2k11 dawg !!!). I have found other things to feel my time instead of whoring. I hit the gym. I got my cooking game up. I’m learning how to sew. Where did all this free time come from? Oh yeah, I spent a lot of time trying to bone.
c. Addict rule 4: before you’re ready for a relationship try going cold turkey. Depending on your level of addiction set a reasonable but challenging period of celibacy. I went 90 days. It changed a lot. It made me raise my price. I no longer wanted to just put my thang thang in any ol hole. She had to deserve this good good. It’s basic economics. Cut down the supply. Increase demand. Raise your price. My girl is coming to the table with a lot. She is like a young Claire Huxtable. I’m blessed to have her in my life but she would not be here if I was slangin’ D like Jeezy slang rocks.
7. Get fidelity role models.
Find a friend, a mentor, hell, a celebrity who is Ina loving happy faithful relationship. Mimic their behavior. Two words: cognitive dissonance.
8. Retire your old squad.
You can be friends with your ex girlfriends (kinda). But you can not be friends with your old jumpoffs, flings, fwb’s, booty calls, or side pieces. Those relationships are not built on love and trust and true friendship. They are built on badussy. Don’t pick up their phonecalls. I go as far to change all their names in my phone to death, so I know not to answer. Don’t meet them out. Erase them from facebook twitter and g chat. For all intents and purposes they are dead to you. Mourn for a day and avoid the ghost of poon past.
9. Most imporant rule: tell everyone that you’re in a happy relationship.
Integrate your private and public image. I know that people believe that women are more aggressive when you’re in a relationship. But that’s not true. Real women avoid dudes in happy relationships. They have ethics. You might get more attention from skanky skanks but do you really want to cheat on your girl with Carol Clap or Henrietta Herpes?
10. As a last resort if you live in Atlanta, Houston, LA, New York or DC…. Move.
There’s a lot less quality in Memphis. And if your jump off has a gold tooth and food stamps then you deserve what you get.
I hope this helps**.
*Names change to protect the not so innocent.
**Really did not expect this comment to be so long. It’s just that I really think this could help some brothas.
@Broadway
“It was at this moment, over wings and tears 2 years ago that I decided I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, cheat again.”
Wings hunh? I decided over potato skins. At Bennigans. I will never ever ever cheat and I will never eat at Benningans. I still eat potato skins though.
Your post is on point! If you need some tips I can show you my new sewing machine. At my house. In my bedroom. Just sayin.
PS. EASE UP ON MEMPHIS! *sits up in chair and dusts off shoulders*
*Printing 100 copies*
*Tapping copies on the desk to straighten*
*Licks right thumb*
*Hands out to every ninja in site*
(Slow clap)
Well da**, you my friend are a dedicated man. Ms. Young Claire Huxtable must be something. I applaud you for your efforts especially as a man in my dear Ol city full of thirsty women. I know you will be just fine and you will definitely not mess this one up. I shall make copies of this, stand in the middle of Atlantic Station and pass this around.
O and as for #10…not to sound doomsday ish but if I were single in ATL or DC I would be very hesitant to get random poon/peen. The things I have witnessed in my career in both cities have scarred me for life. So many PYTs walking around with health death/jail sentences, it is truly sobering.
You’re my new HERO.
I live in Atlanta though, can you clone yourself and send Broadway2 to me? He has to be over 6 feet tall though
this was the best thing yet. i’m sending it anonymously to my dude friends.. ESPECIALLY the married ones that stay callin me!
“my posse’s on broadway” LLS, you was a ho for real , but very good advice Sir Mix A Lot!!! Literally LOL
@(broader than) broadway. barrington.
i. am. officially. spent after reading this.
if there was a way i could share this with the world. i would.
and if this a dude just saying what ‘women need to hear’ and me ‘being naive and falling for it’..than SO be it. you’ve described a system that works for you. it wont work for everyone, but at least you have a plan and are sticking to it.
ps: learning to sew? um…if you didnt already have a girl…i’d propose.
i kid i kid.
‘Dis right hurr…EXCELLENT POST!
“Real women avoid dudes in happy relationships. They have ethics.”
^TRUTH (atleast it’s true of me and the sistah’s I roll with)! Your first comment to VSB was a poignant and enjoyable one!
@Broadway
*stands and salutes*…who are you and are there more of you? Delurk please. Best comment on here today and excellently written. This should be a book, email, something. Spread the word, knowledge is power. You are so in tune with your inner man it makes you a man man. Where’s your horse?
@Broadway
Great post! I love to read about and/or see these things in action. You can do nothing but smile and respect it. I hope the two of you keep up the good work…sounds like a total 360.
And I chuckled at the Publix reference (tried to warn Champ to keep the lil’ lady on deck as well) and gave head nod to your attempt to go cold turkey for 90 days. Its true the longer you go, the easy it gets to abstain (which is not to be confused with celibacy = a lifelong religious vow to remain unmarried and unchexxed). So many get the two confused. Again, great list of suggestions!
should be “the easier…”
interesting that no males gave you props (I’m sure you broke some male oath). lol
Whatchutombout, Jai? LoL
LOL @ Ms. Butta’s Worth.
I meant for that comment to go to Broadway. All of his kudos are coming from women. The men folks got quiet on us regarding what Broadway typed.
Oh nevermind….you’re referencing Broadway’s post. Yeah, I caught that too. I’m sure its classified in the VSB man law book somewhere under section…let me hush. I doubt I’m supposed to know. But yeah…I would say he snitched, but actually dude came out front loud n’ clear with his bullhorn in tow. Joe Clark.
Wow, way to welcome yourself.
DAYUM good post. Me likey.
And “Carol Clap”, tho? Yeah, you should lurk less. It’s been typed…
@Broadway
Your dedication is inspiring.
Your resilience, envious.
Your determination boasts the strength of ten men.
*mental note: visit Atl, Houston, LA, NYC, DC before marriage*
Your self discipline rivals that of a Budhist monk.
You sir, have managed to pander your way into more VSS’s hearts than CBG talkin’ bout his momma.
The Unicorn Club is proud to welcome it’s newest member. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Broadway.
“The Unicorn Club is proud to welcome it’s newest member. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Broadway.”
*Slips on “Team Broadway” TShirt*
Okay, I’ma have an ecrush on you soon if this continues.
Re-posting on my facebook notes and tagging my ninja FIRST…
Dead serious.
Bravo and while that seems extreme, as the reformed female version (of the cheating, not the random acts of whoredom) I 100% believe you have to guard yourself against all evil. That’s what the Bible tells me…
Well, dayum!!! I know it’s long past comment time here, damn near time for next post, but I did NOT see this earlier , please allow me to add to the ever growing group of Broadway LOVAHS….welcome, welcome, welcome, and keep doin the work…*e-swooning, right before bed time…carry on, and please don’t be a stranger cause me likey
*gucci voice*
Well d@mn.
This post is so on point (for women too!) I violated 1-5 in my last relationship (Yes, there are cocktease males, they are called opportunist.)
And now, thanks to this post, I’m wondering if I would have done those things would I still be in said relationship.
Gee thanks VSB.
*throws porn collection out the window*
I love being single. *cries*
@M Shavonne
whoa whoa nellie!! no need to throw out the pron! unless you plan on visiting rude dot com.. (#imjussayin).
being single sucks if you dont want to be. but dont cry..dry your eye. it will be ok.
YAYYYYY!!!! This post is fantastic!
@Ms Butta’s Worth I agree with just about everything verbatim.
@ Smart fox girl, you’re on point too!
“Underestimating the power of a woman.” Whoo-wee. Praise the LorT. Halleluyer.
“If you truly love your girlfriend and know that other girl isn’t an upgrade then just save yourself the drama and be faithful.”
On the upgrade tip, I think that kind of goes to #1, and to if you want to be faithful you will be. If you’re looking for an upgrade the movie title is “My Cheating Ways”, not “Me and My Woman”. It’s a ticking time bomb.
I think the most important thing is to understand, truly grasp the idea of commitment. It means you aren’t looking anymore. You think you’ve found it. Of course, everyday is new and different, people grow, change together or apart but when you commit to someone there’s no upgrade on the horizon. When you think there might be, you call it quits.
Which is I think, number 6 maybe… I think the Champ has said it before, about dumping folks. I’d rather be dumped in a heart beat than strung along, and cheated on. That’s just torture and cowardice of the worst kind. If you find yourself comparing women to yours, looking for an upgrade that should be a red flag for you to fix something in your relationship or step, freeing her up for the better man for her.
Interesting resistance to the idea of female friends?
I could go on and on… No resistance here. Your man’s female friends are awesome. Keep them all day long, but with boundaries. It shows you know how to treat a woman, that you truly know how to love and care for a woman unconditionally. The real problem isn’t his female friends, it’s that we ladies have uber-sensitive and 99.9% accurate spidey-senses. Yup. We know the c—kteasing a$$holes are often smart enough to keep their mouths shut until there’s something to put in them…
So it can be tough watching the fawning, amidst the friending but at the end of the day, he’s yours. Most chicks who’ve been with a man aren’t going to stay friends with him, certainly not close friends-Though there are some exceptions, typically psychotic types. The good news is, if your man has close friendships with females -with boundaries- he prolly hasn’t been with them. If he follows the number one credo (if you want to be faithful you will be) he won’t end up with them either.
Bad news is you have to find a way to not let the fawning bother you if it’s not worth checking the woman over. Or get a man who doesn’t have female friends. When you wonder why he doesn’t listen or doesn’t seem to understand you don’t cry to me Argentina.
Again, love this post. Thank you!
@Tina Watkins
“I’d rather be dumped in a heart beat than strung along, and cheated on. That’s just torture and cowardice of the worst kind. If you find yourself comparing women to yours, looking for an upgrade that should be a red flag for you to fix something in your relationship or step, freeing her up for the better man for her”
Even when you give some folks this option they still cheat. I don’t get it. You can tell them to dump you if they want to step outside the relationship and yet they still won’t do it.
Yep. That’s just how it bees. All you can do is be upfront and open. If someone tells you they’ve cheated on folks in the past, have a hard time ending relationships, and don’t seem to have any boundaries with the opposite sex it’s a pretty dangerous situation. At the end of the day it’s crazy to admit, but cheating has nothing to do with you. It’s all about that person. It hurts you but isn’t your problem. All you can do is trust that you’ll always learn what you need to know when you need to, and build a healthy relationship with a healthy person.
If you find yourself comparing women to yours, looking for an upgrade that should be a red flag for you to fix something in your relationship or step, freeing her up for the better man for her.
Yes, I definitely agree past failed relationships pretty much “gear us up” for someone more suitable in the future. I personally believe an individual has never truly loved, if they’ve never been hurt. Like battlescars being proof that you’ve gone to war at least once in a relationship.
However, on the other hand….folks also need to realize that there will always be someone greater, chexxier, more attractive….just simply better than your current SO. But if someone feels the need to upgrade (in other words “trade in”) their mate each and every time they’re presented with something better (which is subjective)…then that’s definitely a sign of instability. This goes back to what I said earlier, it seems our population is becoming infested with folks (women & MEN) who find it challenging to make up their damn minds due to too many options. We can keep hope alive, but I honestly believe it is not meant for everybody to have it all, since most individuals wouldn’t know what to do with it in the first place, if they were ever so fortunate. No one likes the phrase “settle” although its quite similar to compromising. But we all do it everyday at some point or another.
Oh and thanks, Tina for the shout.
You’re welcome!
“Yes, I definitely agree past failed relationships pretty much “gear us up” for someone more suitable in the future.”
I totally agree. Ideally, (sadly not always) each mistake is something you learn from, so you end up like Broadway the Unicorn here.
My man compared relationship history to car ownership… If you started out with a Benz you wouldn’t appreciate it and probably end up wrapping it around a tree and let the engine fall apart.
When you build your way up to that you treat that luxury car with care and the utmost attention. 
Not everyone cheats, but I think in our scandal-obsessed information overloaded world that’s what gets the attention. I love the shift toward how to maintain a healthy happy relationship, how to not cheat, etc. It mek me heppy.
LOL @ your closing comment: It mek me heppy.
And head nod to your better half’s analogy. Folks tend to appreciate most things they’ve worked hard to achieve because they know firsthand what they had to go through to obtain it. Definitely agree with that.
….and they’re happens to be several unicorns in this piece (keeps us VSS’s beaming w/ pride)…Broadway being the latest addition….after he’s been initiated of course.
I’d like to give a rousing m’fuckin applause to the blog writer today.
Bravo.
I talk to my homeboys about stuff like this all the time, but they look at me like I’m from outer space whenever I bring it up. Yes, there’s very much a lot of temptation out here, and for whatever reason that increases ten-fold once chicks know you’re involved, but the ultimate sure-fire way to make sure you never cheat is to NOT put yourself in that position to begin with.
You’d be surprised (well, maybe not) how many times I’ve heard “Cuz I didn’t even think that would happen before I went over there.”
No disrespect to the ladies, but they are far better at sensing weakness in men then we are in them. It takes them all of 30 seconds to figure out how to get you to misplace your boxers.
It happens all the time.
Sidenote: Numbers three and four had me rolling. So true.
An addendum to my above post:
If you’re ever considering the company of a female friend and think to yourself “It’s cool, I’m only gonna….” you’ve already failed.
Truth.
I cosign all this (and I have excellent credit). You summed it all up in one comment. I hate the chicks that love taken men. Some women are so aggressive and know which cards to play. The damsel in distress is card numero uno for thirsty chicks. Kudos for knowing whatsup.
Thanks. One of these days I’m going to create a twitter account.
And then friend some of y’all & all that.
do dat lol
As a single woman, I try to ‘hang out’ with my single friends. I cannot hang with my ‘couple’ friends because I feel like I have tone myself down and that makes me uncomfortable. I am flirty by nature but sometimes feel like I have to walk on eggshells, dress down, and lose some of my personality when I am around involved men. How do I solve this dillema…avoid being the 5th wheel or included in couple situations at all cost. I can hang with couples, but there has to be at least 2 or more other single folks there.
You have to watch how you are with your single male friends as well. You may look at them like they are your big brothers, but they are just waiting for any opportunity to give you da bizness. Watching pron with your bestest friend of the opposite sex or asking him to wash your back while you take a shower may lead to some awkward moments or some ankle grabbing (no bueno).
Cut out all bullshyt. We are all adults…we know the rules, we just have to apply them. No, I don’t want to hear about how trifling your girl is, yet you chose to stay…tell her all of this, fix the issues, or leave her. Simple. Do I believe she did EVERYTHING that you say she did and that you are just prince charming waiting for someone to appreciate all the good in you and all the good you are trying to give (pause). NO.
I don’t cheat because I take that split second to think about what I may end up losing if I stepped out. Yes, he looks like 50 cents from the neck down but has the face of Jesse Williams, yes, I can tell he has a package from those basketball shorts, yes, he is fun to be around, yes he looks great in a suit but better in casual wear, yes he smells sooooo freaking good,…I’m sorry…but I may end of cheating if that was the option but who couldn’t understand that. I lost my train of thought.
I digress
I don’t really have guy friends I hang wit all like that anymore, for the reasons above, the ones I had didn’t want to be JUST platonic friends.. my guy friends now I hardly ever see, the one I do see is gay and thats how it is LOL….its torture when you are attracted and diggin someone you cannot have beyond a friend, thats why they dipped LLS!!!
I wouldn’t even do that to myself, and nods at your last paragraph, torture I tells ya!!
my ex best friend looks like this
http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/ffximage/elwood_wideweb__470x348,2.jpg
and couldn’t understand while her man cheated. I had to give her the side-eye because we all understood why he did…le sigh
LLS!!!!! dayum LOL
Da Hell?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lmmmmmaaaaaaooooooo
jai: you are too stupid. LMAO.
I’m gonna need you to STOP sending zoomed-in pics of your avatar. VSBs/VSSs? STOP requesting them. lol
I hear what your typing but I can’t be the same in all situations. For example, how I am around my girls is different from how I am around my mom or grandma. When you are around married men, somethings you have to hold back on just like you would at work or at church. It’s hard, I know we sound alot alike but it’s necessary to keep the drama at a minimum…especially lookin the way you do. You gotta be careful girl. lol
@SFG (and her freakum dress). Even if the man is not giving you any attn (yeah right…sometimes men are observant of all the wrong ish),a lot of women (you guys could have been best friends since birth) are looking for something…anything. You tone it down when the fellas are around almost out of respect/avoid any type of confusion or drama. Everything is good until your man/husband/dude you fcuking is around…then everything changes. I’m not saying that I go in the corner and count the lint on the couch or not talk to the guys. I just have to tone it down and watch what I say. I hate that!
Then she’s insecure/jealous or he has cheated on her too many times. In that case, it aint you. Some girl accused me of wanting her man (he looked like trick daddy with dreads) because I told him thank you for picking up something i dropped. She was really trying to fight me. Guuurrrllll
@SFG, ^Girl, that’s the ploy if they (insecure woman) jealous and think you’re cute. They wanna fight you and throw shade on your features. Get you bruised and battle worn so you not as cute. It’s a ploy I have seen play out with attractive brothers and some who were not as much. They think pretty boy is a punk (sometimes the light-skinned dude). What they don’t know is pretty boy been fighting all his life because of his perceived handsomeness (no Sophia, Color Purple). I have seen Pretty Boy don’t care (no Lloyd) and stomp the dog ‘ish outta Booggawolf trying to punk and bully someone out of insecurity.
Plus, don’t nobody want Trick Daddy but her…
LMAO @ “Booggawolf”
I agree with you Jai. You’ll be surprised at how many insecure, jealous guys there are out there that will start beef if they feel another male is garnering more female attention. There are a lot of guys that are threatened by other men’s looks.
Insecurity is an understatement.
@SFG
(he looked like trick daddy with dreads) ewwwww!
‘(greg isn’t a woman-beater. his domestic issues usually involve whatever chick he’s seeing at the time throwing his fries out the passenger window after arguing while in line at a 24 hour wendy’s drive-thru)’
So are you saying french fry tossing is a just cause for a dude to ‘lay hands’ on a chick, and nullifies his woman-beater status, or are you saying that seeing his fries being tossed out the window makes him feel like he was just kicked in the throat? I just want to be sure, because I am updating my manual called ‘The Ladies’ Guide to NOT Getting Your A$$ Kicked By A Grown A$$ Man’, and will list ‘ No french fry tossing’ right after ‘getting a gun license’.
Great post! & women who don’t approve of porn need to get over it. Hell, watch it w/ him & get it goin’ already!
Thanks for this. It’s nice to know that there are men who espouse fidelity and who acknowledge that it always takes some vigilance on the part of the man (rather than blaming it on the woman not “taking care of home” or any other lame excuse that makes cheating the fault of the other person in the relationship).
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i’m late (as all hayle) but LMBOOOO at that entire #4. gosh that is so effing true. lmbo.
i’m not speaking from experience. i just heard. no seriously.
Pingback: The color of friendship… Part I. « Tina
I’m hella late (especially for my 1st post) but I definitely am glad that some one else, other than myself, is out there actually WANTING to be faithful to my lady in a world where “Men” are recognized and acknowledged for doing the opposite. That, and if I ever cheated, the fight between my wife and I would be something like “Scott Pilgrim vs The World”
*throws VSB glitter* Welcome!!!!!!!!!!
*bows* Why thank you Liz! *shaking glitter out of his sportsjacket*