- the nba definitely cares
monday morning, the hundreds of thousands of strippers, pimps, porn stars, simps, urban models, video hoes, b through t-list black actors, rappers, groupies, hoodrats, barksdales, bust-it-babys, goblins, goons, and goonettes who descended on dallas for nba all-star weekend will be leaving to return to their natural ho-rific habitats, and all natural order will be restored
thing is, while “you plan your entire year around all-star weekend even though you think “derrick rose” is the state flower of texas” is an obvious sign that someone just might hold some ho tendencies (not that there’s anything wrong with that), there remains a few somewhat underrated ways to detect latent hotivity, and here’s four more:
you work at a high school
although a high school might seem like the last place you’d look on a ho duckhunt, anyone who’s ever actually worked at one will tell you that they’re a virtual petri dish for lascivious adult behavior.
maybe its because of the type of people attracted to that particular occupation. maybe it’s the uniqueness of the work environment, or maybe its the idea that being around all of those kids and their raging hormones has some type of osmosis effect on an adult. who knows?
all i know is that i’d seriously advise anyone in dire need of a date or some d*ck to just hang out in a random teachers lounge for a week. by friday you’ll be hollered at more than a deaf bartender
you have an active hotmail account
i have no idea how or why “still uses a hotmail account in 2010” equals “easier than midget basketball” but it does, and i need to figure out why.
is “hotmail” really an abbreviation for “hotassdrawersmail“? did the hotmail people decide to give free hotmail accounts out to everybody at the greyhound station the monday after 1998′s all-star weekend? were some idiots just confused, and thought they were signing up to some “hot males” newsletter?
somebody please help me find this out.
you club-hop tuesdays and wednesdays
you know how you hear those weird-ass radio promotions for the club on tuesday nights (“amputee night“, “first seven women with orange thongs get free crush on night“, etc) that make you think to yourself “who the hell goes out tuesday nights“?
well, for a very, very brief time in the summer of 2003, i used to. and, i just might have been a ho for a very, very brief time in the summer of 2003.
i won’t get too graphic or descriptive about why this is true, but lets just say that in the history of mankind, no one has ever said “yeah. we’ve been married for a couple years now. how did we meet? oh, it was a wednesday, and i was at the club with my girls… “
you’re from cincinnati
i’ve been to south beach. i’ve been to caribana. i’ve even been to a 24-hour newsstand in rome that i now strongly suspect was also an escort service.
still, when it comes to sheer and utter sexual forwardness, nowhere on earth compares to cincinnati, ohio. seriously, its like God crafted an entire city from the last 45 minutes of “the players club”. just thinking the things i saw at club ritz and “annie’s” a few years ago makes the bible i keep on my dresser catch fire
anyway, people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? can you all think of any other signs that someone might be a bit more “quick on the draw” than the average person.
the carpet is yours
—the champ
You might be a ho if you have coupons for condoms
That can just mean that she is a bargain shopper and safe sex advocate. Where are these coupons anyway? It is a recession, and costs must be cut everywhere.
Found one in my Washington Post bubble pack last Sunday. $2 off a box (box must be 10-count or greater).
“Where are these coupons anyway?”
i was thinking the same thing. ive never seen coupons for condoms anywhere, ever
“You might be a ho if you have coupons for condoms”
whats the final verdict on the person who carries dozens of condoms around with them wherever they go? is this just being excessively safe, practical, ho-ish, or all three?
Dozens? Wherever they go? If you carry more than 3 at a time, *cues Luda* you’ze a ho!
I thought you were going to throw things out like “At your wedding your high school classmates start talking about how they are glad you finally got married so they can meet a guy/girl you haven’t smashed.”
That was kind of meh…and Wednesday karaoke is fun!
“I thought you were going to throw things out like “At your wedding your high school classmates start talking about how they are glad you finally got married so they can meet a guy/girl you haven’t smashed.””
thats why the “did i miss anything” question is added at the end and sh*t.
karaoke deez btw
Yeah yeah yeah
Hating on Wednesday Karaoke? Someone must have your drunk behind on video singing LOL
ummmm that was definitely 3 and not 5 signs. don’t shortchange me like that…you know I live for these posts
dang I must be sleepy didn’t even notice that…although I see that more have been added now….never logged in early enough to catch the early drafts before
“ummmm that was definitely 3 and not 5 signs”
huh? i have no idea what it is you’re referring to. no idea at all. none
oooh now we’re up to 4 signs. keep going we might get to five eventually lol
You show up to partner poses Yoga alone.
All of you salads include un-cut baby carrots.
The most played list on your IPod includes any Keyshia Cole records and Melanie Fiona’s “It Kills Me”.
You smoke Black’N'Milds in the club.
We have slept together.
“All of you salads include un-cut baby carrots.”
and soggy croutons too. hoes love them some soggy croutons.
Soooo true about hotmail! LOL I was recently talking to a (now married) friend from undergrad on FB chat. After a completely innocent chat, he asked me to keep in touch and proceeded to give me his hotmail address. *blank stare* I was completely offended and my 1st thought was ‘I am not trying to be your side piece’…
Any other type of email address, ok. But hotmail?! Yeah I totally get that one.
“After a completely innocent chat, he asked me to keep in touch and proceeded to give me his hotmail address. *blank stare* I was completely offended and my 1st thought was ‘I am not trying to be your side piece’…”
that would offend me as well. seriously, if a woman gave me a hotmail address as her contact info, i’d squint and ask her “what type of man do you think i am???”
lol!
ha ha…wait a minute…. I have a hotmail account!….call me resistant to change, but I’ve had that account for at least 13 years! Some email messages saved in my hotmail go back to the Clinton Administration. My hotmail account is like a historical archive of my adult life!
and midget basketball is probably really challenging to the midgets thank you very much!
I have a hotmail account too. I use it for most of the stuff that would clutter up my for business only account. I have had it since the early 2000s, and don’t see why I have to get rid of it.
I’ve had my hotmail account for 12 years. I just started cleaning it out in December. I don’t see a reason to get a gmail or whatever account. I have another email for all my business.
co-sign with Humble_One and Dash. Any newsletters that I don’t want being sent to my BB-linked email account go to my hotmail account that I’ve had for 14 yrs. I aint No HO! LOL.
this thread is filled with hoes
i just died.
call me resistant to change, but I’ve had that account for at least 13 years!
Exactly. I have had my hotmail account for god knows how long, so it’s my primary email address… The Yahoo address is for online transactions and gmail is for business purposes. Simple.
team hotmail!!
I am pressing the *Like* button.
You might be a ho.. an old hoe at that if you conveniently drop your purse in front of the deacon’s corner and refuse to let them pick it up to show them you can still” drop it like its hot” saw that in church today!
is your church in newark, new jersey?
welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
Well dang, I work with kids & adolescents AND have a hotmail account. I’ve had my account forever and the thought of changing everything to another address is quite unappealing. Maybe I need to start clubbing midweek and move a tad closer to being a ho. hhmmm, then maybe I would’ve got some…thing, for Valentine’s Day. Interesting list.
“Maybe I need to start clubbing midweek and move a tad closer to being a ho.”
there’s nothing wrong with being goal-oriented.
yo! My hotmail account is active. I give it out to the places that at the register ask, ”And can I have ur phone number and email for discounts…” and for all of the places I buy on-line for. It’s my ‘clutter’ email addy (and I thank ya very much).
It’s my ‘clutter’ email addy (and I thank ya very much).
mmmhmm. thats what they all say, at least until they say “it’ll be $150″
You know you’re a ho.. an old ho in particular when you conveniently drop your purse in front of the deacons, and refuse to let them pick it up to show them you still know how to”Drop it like its hot!
Let’s just say I attend a certain Rose Bowl champion* university in Ohio and I am LMFAO @ the last one, and I co-sign it fully.
*=After what happened in my first three years, you don’t know how good it feels to say this sh*t.
you can thank (pittsburgh native) terelle pryor for that
LOLOL…I attended the university north of you and yeah…..co-effin’ sign on point #4….
Of course you’re a ho if you’re a chick that doesn’t have any women friends bcuz “you can’t stand females”
I mustve missed the memo on the hotmail thing too.(Shrugs)
@P
As an alum of the same university,I died after I read the last one too. Lol
“I mustve missed the memo on the hotmail thing too.(Shrugs)”
thats because you’re on hotmail, duh. homail accounts don’t get memos. just spam and mission statements
LMAO
Viva hotmail!!!
I’ve had mine for damn near a decade! No real h tendencies here…at least not in the past half decade!!!! LOL.
thats not what i heard and sh*t
You a fool and sh!t playboy!!!! LOL.
Okay make that more like the past 4 year then!
Yeah, I had a hotmail account for many years. It was the original email account that was given out for free in the early years of the internet.
I think it’s an age thing… I realize that the 30 and over crowd might still have their hotmail account… while the younger ones might not.
Viva Hotmail.
I’m definitely under 30 and I’ve been on hotmail for years and I don’t plan to leave
[waves to Sula]
Everybody has that extracurricular email account, yahoo, hotmail or msn. The one you dont let on that you have, with the obscure email address, so others can’t search for or chat with you, and then automatically sign out after 3 minutes of inactivity and then deletes messages older than a certain number of days and doesn’t archive old chats. For um, privacy reasons.
Yep, I recently deaded my hotmail just because I was tired of keeping up with the account, but now that I think of it’s potential for ho’dom, I have a few friends who still have hotmail, and it’s the account their adultfriendfinder.com and “other” website account mail goes to
Completely normal.
Bwahahaha! You nailed it.
i forgot hotmail existed. and da*n, but a lot of yall still have one. and this is very similar, but if you still have a black planet page, your a*s is a ho.
too many status updates on facebook or twitter equal ho. don’t nobody care what the hell you are doing or thinking every 4 minutes, and the only reason you think people do is because you’re used to havin people patronize you so they can get what they want from you, tipdrill.**
overdressing to go to random places that don’t matter like the grocery store and circle k indicates to me that you are a ho. not everyone who looks nice in the store fits this description,because folks could be coming from somewhere or going to somewhere and plus, looking NICE is okay for any situation. but when you put on heels, perfume and a bowtie to pick up some chili brick, i just automatically think that you’re either trying to pick up something else on your way home or that you’re just anticipating running into way to many “familiar” people and you don’t want to be shame-faced.
**i just defriended someone who was a ho in high school. he is, apparently, still a ho in real life because lately he has been doing these multiple updates with little life lessons like, “fact #456: just because yo’ man slept at home last night, don’t mean he ain’t sleeping with the girl in his HR dept.” um….shut your stupid a*s up. you wh*re.
co-sign on the blackplanet page. Haha, I forgot that site existed. Ahh the memories.
“…but a lot of yall still have one.”
this surprises me as well. i didnt think so many vsb-ers were still usiing hotmail. i guess we just have alot of hoes as regulars, a fact that should make the bbq this summer much more entertaining
VSB BBQ this summer??? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE?
*plans shopping expedition for HO-like outfit. ; )
Yep those people with the constant facebook status and twitter updates are definitely hos. King & Queen of hos go to those who constantly update their twitter and facebook status with the sole intent of giving their lame and deluded social commentary. Nobody wants to see that ish
As a survivor of All-Star Weekends past, it’s safe to say the
groupieshuntresses not only know who derrick rose is, but which hotel he is staying in and what parties he’s likely to attend, It’s become Indiana Jones and the Quest for Crystal’s Baby Daddy out there.I have a hotmail account as well, now reserved for xbox live shenanigans, but at one point it was the blackplanet address, so yeah…
When you meet someone, and before a standard greeting jumps out of your mouth, you have gone through your mental kama sutra rolodex and picked out at least 3 positions to try out, you might have the ho gene.
As a survivor of All-Star Weekends past, it’s safe to say the groupies huntresses not only know who derrick rose is, but which hotel he is staying in and what parties he’s likely to attend, It’s become Indiana Jones and the Quest for Crystal’s Baby Daddy out there.
yeah, i forget that groupies discovered that the internet exists back in 2005. they’re much more prepared now-a-days, apparently
Huh? I never knew hotmail=Ho-mail. I still use mine for ‘business only’.
Does dressing in tight Star Wars t-shirts and sitting next to the few Black, Latino emo-nerds at the library count for anything? If so, I was a library-ho back in ’96.
*wipes off steam from glasses*
Does dressing in tight Star Wars t-shirts and sitting next to the few Black, Latino emo-nerds at the library count for anything?
no, but this sounds like the beginning of a story written by kevin smith
well you may have ho-ish tendencies if when you are going through that list of who you have been with(in your head, or on paper) , you leave off one, or two, or thirty five names just to make yourself feel better *Don’t judge, i know i ain’t the only one who has done this ish*….runs from room in shame
i guess intentionally omitting people isn’t as bad as completely forgetting them
You know you are a ho when you where fishnet stockings in February in Atlanta when there is 2-4 inches on snow on the ground. That one is just too easy. And her fishnets were blue too. Electric blue. tsk.tsk.
did this occur during the week? i asking before i’m trying to imagine what possible occupation a person could hold where blue fishnet stockings are appropriate.
@bajanflchick-
well you may have ho-ish tendencies if when you are going through that list of who you have been with(in your head, or on paper) , you leave off one, or two, or thirty five names just to make yourself feel better *Don’t judge, i know i ain’t the only one who has done this ish*….runs from room in shame
I just stopped counting and keeping track. After I went through the process of elimination, I was a virgin again.
@ meka -
Hmmmm, sounds like a plan…could be the name of a new TP film or chitlin cuircuit gospel play no? “I’m done with counting dic*s & I’m brand new again & sh*t”-me likey
Hotmail = Whoredom? Dammit man! I’ll add that to the list of things that are wrong in my life.
“you club-hop tuesdays and wednesdays”
This always puzzled my yellow a$$. I just keep wondering if the people who do this have 9 to 5 jobs or do they just work from home.
“This always puzzled my yellow a$$. I just keep wondering if the people who do this have 9 to 5 jobs or do they just work from home.”
yeah, it still puzzles me too. i think they live in the same alternative universe inhabited by characters in quentin tarentino movies
I can see your point. This is alternative universe where life is fleeting, breakfast takes at 12 noon in diners with questionable health ratings, and promiscuity is the norm. However, the soundtrack to life in the universe is usually pretty dope. Nothing like hearing “Across 110th Street” while eating a Denver omelet at noon.
Did Not Miss A Thing…My MAN worked It….FAN tastic & like I posted earlier All STAR Weekend 11 years Ago in NEW YORK – Positively PERFECT!
PS – The CHAMPion was a CHUMP – could NOT Justify My LOVE…
welcome and sh*t.
also, please leave the vicoden alone the next time you decide to leave a comment
you might be a ho if you have no regard for caps and lowercase. this also goes for anyone over the age of 17 who TyPeZ liKE tHiZ
anyway, people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? can you all think of any other signs that someone might be a bit more “quick on the draw” than the average person.
1) If she has a lot of “secrets”
2) When she talks about past dudes it’s always a new name.
3) If every dude she speaks about is her “friend”.
4) If your nickname is “p***y wolf”.
5) If she keeps a tube of KY in her purse.
6) Every time we go out you get a chic sans quality.
4) If your nickname is “p***y wolf”.
is this for a man or a woman (or both)?
Both. I knew a dude that was called p***y wolf because he would holla at and bang anything. His body count of chics he bagged is obscene. The chic was a homegirl of a girl I know. She did my boy and his boy in a motel one night. She got the name from her smell.
“If your nickname is “p***y wolf”.
“is this for a man or a woman (or both)?”
I’ll ask a couple of the chicks that I play softball with.
3) If every dude she speaks about is her “friend”.
I don’t get this one. Why would she be speaking to you about dude if he wasn’t her friend? I mean, why would she be talking to you about some nucca that she don’t know?
You might be a ho if…
1. Your mama and ‘em tells every new girl/dude you bring around that s/he’s crazy for kicking it with you and that s/he’d be better off without you.
2. You have multiple cell phones and none of them are for your job/home business.
3. Every non-relative man/woman in you life is called by a nickname to keep confusion down.
4. You had to pull down your FB page because the whole photo tagging thing makes you really nervous about who might see you out with whom doing what.
5. You church hop because ain’t no cute men/women at your church “anymore.”
6. You have to take pictures of the wo/man you just got a number from so you can remember which one they are.
7. The only relationship status that deters you is “married and broke.”
“5. You church hop because ain’t no cute men/women at your church “anymore.”
LOL.
They OVERworked the church….
“God told me that the key to my salvation may be found at another place of worship”
i’m mad you went in on a whole city. if i was from cincinatti i would be lightweight upset. lol
i would have to agree with you on the tuesday and wednesday club hopping. i used to be that guy too.
i remember hotmail. my email address was igetnaked99. seriously it was. but it was as innocent as it could get but what do you expect from a high school student.
s
“my email address was igetnaked99″
i’m just mad that “igetnaked1″ through “igetnaked98″ were already taken
lol. i wouldn’t know the 99 was for the year i graduated high school.
You’re from cincinnati .
WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?! Oh hellz naw.
This whole post gets an F for the day!
Why didn’t you tell me Cincy was like this? I missed this when I was down there. I am going to need you to tell me where to go on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
you might have h* tendencies if you have ever toyingly considered vaginoplasty for the purpose of “rejuvination” and wondered who you could get to pay for it….
you might have h* tendencies if you have ever toyingly considered vaginoplasty for the purpose of “rejuvination” and wondered who you could get to pay for it….
thats just disgusting. thanks for ruining my cake and eggs
Hot damn- I TOTALLY know someone who had that conversation before! LOLOL
@V Renee-
Sorry, I think Champ might be on to something with Cinccy ho-ism. My family was always in Cincy and my cousin and I joke that there’s a family ho-gene. I’m pretty sure they picked it up at a Jazz Festival back in the day. I’m just saying…
Wait, so you have family members who are hoes, but they don’t live in Cincinnati, but somehow Cincinnati is getting blamed?!?!?! I rebuke it. Lol
“you club-hop tuesdays and wednesday”
Tuesday club-hopping is kinda suspecho (suspect for my English speakers), but shoot, Josephine’s rocks on Wednesday nights! lol
Chics that are over 25, and ALWAYS texting! I’m not talking about the occasional, ttyl (talk to you later text). I’m talking about a gal that holds conversations over text messages, and knows all the text abbreviations. Probably ho’in…
Also, a gal over 25 that knows all the latest dance moves. She was the first person to teach you the stanky leg, bird walk, chicken noodle soup, etc, somethin just aint right bout that chic, she probably get out more than Shug Avery.
If everytime you meet her, she’s going to a “different church” More than likely the ursher board done got hip to her shenanigans, and they don’t give her the good seats next to the single minsters anymore.
Chicks who misquote/mispell scriptures in their facebook statuses. i.e.: “wat gawd has for me, it is for me”
Chicks who’s have deep philosophical epiphanies in their facebook statuses: Ladies, these kniggaz aint ish! If he don’t love you by now, he never will…
Chics who’s facebook photos are always taken from the side, profile, or other awkward angles. They can never take “straight on normal” photos because folks will realize who they are in disguise, and out them as a ho
If she works for Amway Global. FULL TIME!
“Chicks who’s have deep philosophical epiphanies in their facebook statuses: Ladies, these kniggaz aint ish! If he don’t love you by now, he never will…”
Reminds me of a recent phone conversation. She was talking about how (at 40) she’s “found” God, then got all philosophical about how she has learned to deal with her self-esteem, self-worth, and selfish tendencies, and is looking for a man who (*insert miscellaneous popular scripture reference here*). I’ll ask about her relationship with her dad for possible former ho-tendency status confirmation.
HEY NOW!!! I’m from Cincinnati!!! (Well Dayton and I go to school here)…. but still….. that’s messed up!
you guys are absolutely hysterical, where did you get this web page from? What a riotous Rip!!!!! go easy now, down now, get back down m’son.
I’ve had a hotmail account for years. Despite a track record of a long-term monogomous relationship, no one-nighters, & celibacy, that one email sent from my personal hotmail account could land me on the “tends to be a ho” list. Who knew? Lol! You guys are so funny & entertaining.
…if too many random dudes look at her like she looks familiar or walk up to her saying “oh, hey…long time no see”. If she can’t tell you their names, she’s probably got ho tendencies.
…if she says you move too slow because you didn’t try to hit on the first date.
she doesn’t let you kiss her during sex.
I feel like a Corporate Ho because I’m working on President’s Day (I work with our International Department who, of course would still be open and operating today). D’oh well, I get
premium ho paytime and a half.So glad that no one said snapping pictures of your goodies and sending them to person who is not your SO…not that I know about this personally.
suuuuure.
He calls every woman he knows Babygirl (classic!)
Her caller id is accompanied by said caller’s dick photo. After looking at photo exclaims, “oh, it’s [day of the week]!”
On a first name basis with the receptionists at planned parenthood and the free clinic
Is friends with Jamie Foxx.
“you think “derrick rose” is the state flower of texas”
Um…no.
Oh yeah, and I keep my hotmail account for pure nostalgic purposes…well for that and spam, of course.
Spot on with the Cincinnati indictment. Every Black “gathering” destination in the Midwest -circle city classic, taste of Chicago, caribana,etc- is well attended by folks from the natti. it’s 4/5 hours from everything. The women definitely know what they want and TELL you. I think this started with The Cincinatti JazzFest @’83
peace
Cincinnati should be blasted off the face of the planet. LOL, I’m an Ohio native and I went to a certain school in Ohio north of Cincy, but my girl went to University of Cincinnati. Every time she would come visit and dudes would hear where she went to school, they tried to holla. I was utterly confused until me and my up north school friends when to visit her in the Nasty-nati…nuff said!
So I laughed very hard at point 4. I attend the only HBCU in KY and we have a pretty large amount of students from the Nati, and Jesus be a gas station at 2:45 am the way some of these chicks go. I never seen it. It’s a whole ‘nother type of chick.