Lists, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Five Things That’ll Happen If You Don’t Support VSB: The Pilot

Please help us keep these men off the pole

Although I’ve been taught that positive reinforcement is the best way to motivate and inspire, I’ve found that for me, personally, the experience of being scared shitless seems to help best. For instance, nightmares about the jailhouse jelly man are the reasons why I decided not to be a drug dealer (Well, that and the fact that you can’t be a hustler and lactose intolerant at the same time. Can’t be an efficient corner boy if you need to take breaks every 30 minutes to find a clean toilet), and the little jackals running around with cigarettes and open packs of dog food every time I go to Target are why I don’t think I have any kids.

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because, while wanting to support us and our project is a noble reason to give, perhaps knowing what would happen if we didn’t receive the necessary support may be a more effective strategy.

With this in mind, here’s five things that’ll likely happen if you don’t support VSB: The Pilot

1. You will die

Now, I realize this is a little misleading. Seeing that all of us are going to pass away someday anyway, you’re going to eventually die and shit whether you support our project or not. But, with all that being said, the fact remains that if you don’t visit our Indiegogo page, you will die. We will too, actually. So, well, support us.

Or die.

2. Lead actors David Hunter Jr. and Leo Breckenridge will be forced to return to their normal jobs (stripping and doing quality control on samples of gluten-free turkey chili passed out at Trader Joe’s, respectively)

Both extremely talented young actors, David and Leo are very much looking forward to being a part of this project. David (who’s playing “Brandon,” the guy loosely based on me), is a Hampton University grad and received his B.A. in Theatre Arts Performance. After graduating, David began performing with the Improv Troupe, “5-6-7-8” at several venues in the DC Metro area including the DC Capitol Fringe Fest and the Improv’s home base, the Washington DC Improv and won several awards for his work.

Since re-locating to Los Angeles, he’s been very busy adding a number of short films, independent feature length films, theatre productions and commercial credits to his resume.

Leo (who’s playing “Andre,” the character loosely based on Panama) began his professional career touring the United States as “Emmett Till” in the critically acclaimed stage production “Anne & Emmett” under the direction of OBIE award winner Robbie McCauley, and then three time TONY award winner Hinton Battle. He went on to play “Duke Ellington” in the award winning film short “U Street.” He more recently made his Los Angeles stage/film debut in the controversial production “TORN: The Willie Lynch Letter.”

Thing is, despite David and Leo’s obvious talents, the adverse economy hasn’t allowed each of them to leave their day jobs yet. This project will do a lot in making that happen, so if you want to keep David off the pole and Leo out of those God-awful Trader Joe’s quality control meetings were they make him sit Indian-style for five hours straight while he samples meat from Youngstown-bred orphan turkeys, support the series.

3. Liz will put a curse on you

I’m still not exactly sure which religion Liz practices (and I’m not sure if she knows either), but I do know that whatever religion it happens to be, it involves curses.

4. Panama and I will organize a fund-raiser/BBQ for VSB Nation in the last week of October, when the weather is still nice enough to have an outdoor event. Except by organize a fundraiser/BBQ for VSB Nation I mean “pretend like we’re really inviting you all to D.C. for a fundraiser/party, when we’re really just gathering you all in one place so we can rob you.”

It would behoove you (and your pockets, wallets, and pride) to believe me.

5. Tyler Perry will remake “Love Jones.” (And “Boomerang.” And “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” And “The Passion of The Christ.” And “Citizen Kane.” And Kim Kardashian and Ray J’s sex tape.)

Look, we’ve already seen how hysterical people got at the mere suggestion that Tyler Perry was going to remake “Love Jones,” but trust me when I tell you that if VSB: The Pilot doesn’t happen, you WILL see Madea and Darius Lovehall (played by Chris Brown) on the same screen. I can’t go into exactly why it’s going to happen — or how I know this will happen — but it will, and you can’t say you weren’t warned by me first.

Scared shitless yet? Good. Now go and unscare yourself, or I’ll track down the jailhouse jelly man and have him guest post this week.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***If you haven’t already, check out “Signs He Just Might Hate Women” — my latest at Ebony.com, and “Very Smart Brotha Gives Very Smart Dating Advice to a Very Single Mom (Part II)” over at Black and Married With Kids***

And for those folks in the DMV, this Saturday, October 6 is another edition of Reminisce, our all 90s everything hip-hop/r&b/dancehall party at Liv Nightclub in Washington, DC. It’s free before 11pm with RSVP (http://reminiscedc.eventbrite.com) and there’s an open bar from 930-1030pm with no dress code. Come to party, leave to remember. Reminisce. Peep the flyer and FB invite: http://www.facebook.com/events/325601340869364/

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • eazy253

    First

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      congrats for being first, and for the curse liz is going to put on you

      • SweetSass

        Liz is into santeria/hoodoo? … psssh… that is how rumors start!

  • http://yourbiggirlpants.blogspot.com/ Mandi

    Those guys who are portraying you are really cute. It might not be such a tragedy to see them back on the pole. I’mjustsayin’do.

    • annaaaa

      Yeah sorry im with Mandi on this seeing them on the pole is NOT a tragedy. If anything its a blessing.

    • Kema

      Maybe support will get them on the pole…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      duly noted. perhaps we could work out a win/win somehow

      • http://yourbiggirlpants.blogspot.com/ Mandi

        The characters “Champ” and “Panama”, desperate for funds to raise money for their website, are forced to work as male strippers to get cash…it could totally work.

    • SweetSass

      I’m ready to cash my next paycheck all in $1s.

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    #1 – you will die….of diabeeetus

    #2 – telling me to keep these men off the pole isn’t very convincing. In fact, I want to support VSB – the Pilot by dropping 1s in their draws

    #3 – I’m pretty sure this curse involves involuntary celibacy. And possibly Boston ninjas

    #4 – “Gathering in DC” means “your souvenir will be AIDS”

    #5 – Tyler Perry will also remake The Cosby Show.

    In other words, break out the pocketbook. Especially since our last fundraiser went well, and the real NFL refs are back

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “#3 – I’m pretty sure this curse involves involuntary celibacy. And possibly Boston ninjas”

      it does. raccoons are involved somehow, too

  • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

    interesting that the Hampton High grad is playing the Champ. Interesting indeed.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      LMAO. shots fired like a mug right there.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      lol, I…don’t get it. can one of you HBCU cats explain this joke to me?

      • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

        Just pointing out that it’s odd bc you went to a PWI and Panama went to an HBCU. Role reversal if you will?

        Also, I referred to Hampton as a high school. Which while accurate, is a joke because they think they’re a full fledged university. :)

  • http://www.MinorityMenShow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

    On top of my own personal contribution made last week, I will now up the ante and contribute 10 ‘Minority Men’ t-shirts to the series wardrobe fund. What does that mean for VSB? It means 10 less shirts you will have to purchase for the actors(male & female). That works out to be several episodes worth of wardrobe right there. All I need are sizes and a shipping address. :-)

    As much free entertainment VSB has provided over the years that has made our work days fly by, this is a great opportunity for us (commenters & lurkers alike) to show our appreciation for all their complimentary content and hard work. If we can send Liz all the way to Haiti, we can certainly send VSB to Hollywood.

    • Iceprincess

      Yall aint know Liz was in Haiti learning voodoo so she could better CURSE us lmfao!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I will now up the ante and contribute 10 ‘Minority Men’ t-shirts to the series wardrobe fund. What does that mean for VSB? It means 10 less shirts you will have to purchase for the actors(male & female). That works out to be several episodes worth of wardrobe right there. All I need are sizes and a shipping address”

      ummm, thanks?

      • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

        Don’t mention it. I’m a humanitarian.

        *Cue MJ*
        “Heal the woooorrrllld. Make it a better plaaaaaaccee…”

  • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

    If you can convince Tyler Perry to quit making movies then I’m sure I can get you a few million dollars in donations.

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People
      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        Tyler Perry is a virus! We must find a cure! And soon!

        Lol@him playing Alex Cross. What’s next, James Bond. Lol

        • KMN

          “Tyler Perry is a virus! We must find a cure! And soon!”

          Val I do believe that TP is the black Atl version of skynet…we need john connor to come and handle him…or Ahnuld after his confession…he needs some redemption after messing around on a Kennedy girl (my momma was telling me today the Kennedy boys can do what they want but don’t do it to a Kennedy girl…luck he’s still living lol…)

          KMN

          • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

            Nah, we need the CDC on this one! And they have to work fast before Tyler Perry infects the entire world!

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            not Skynet though. LOL

        • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

          Shhhhh we don want to give him an ideas about that, besides Will Smith has dibbs

      • KMN

        Tyler Perry? And the dude from Scrubs? Is that a joke? Is he for real? I expected one of the Wayan brothers to pop up in a light skinnedided sista girl face as his wife….

        I…what…dude why? WTF happened to Idris…did he not have enough fire insurance money to pay him for the role because Tyler Perry and semi nekkid scene are a few words I never want to have strung together fah reelz…

        That was BS and now I’m going to have nightmares lmao…

        KMN

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          “Tyler Perry and semi nekkid scene”

          Nooooooo!

          • KMN

            LMAO I know you seent his shirt off…like somebody’s daddy walking thru the house nekkid…you look because it’s there but you feel so dirty after doing so…ugh

            KMN

            • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

              Thank you so much for that mental picture just before I go to sleep. Lmao!

              • KMN

                I’m so sorry that your sleep was ruint…but I actually watched the trailer and saw his nekkid in action! I need to go to Mr. Parks Place and see HotLickHerIsh in his full glory to erase that from my memory :-(
                LOL
                KMN

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        So it really was him. I thought it was just someone who looked like him. Sigh…the terrorists have won. :(

  • Adonis

    Life isn’t a cakewalk for me, but considering that I have NOT been subjected to “Jailhouse Jelly Man”, I think I have a newfound appreciation for being on the outside of the Grey Bar Motel.

    I was going to slam you and say Fleece Johnson – Legendary Booty Warrior was more verbally traumatic than JJM, but he was way more graphic, and sneakily sinister. Jail politics is nothing to f**k with

    Say No To The #50ShadesOfPrison, and I’ll support VSB the Pilot.

    SSTTE

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      yeah. you just gave me another week’s worth of nightmares. thank you

    • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

      Whats interesting about this is that mofos like that will come out of jail & date women. Well, at least the women who like their man to have a little more ‘edge’.
      Puts a whole new meaning on Thug Luvin’.

  • Pseudonym

    “Tyler Perry will remake ‘Love Jones.’”

    Just hearing that -even in jest- makes me want to die.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      tell us how you really feel

  • Aly

    More signs he might hate women:

    -Blames women for everything that goes wrong in his life

    -Very competitive with women, more so than with men (hates it if women are better than him)

    -Belittles women’s accomplishments – likes to take us down a peg

    -Has a black or white view of women – virgin/wh0re complex

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      good additions and shit.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Just wanted to say, it was a very good post. You should do a second blast since the link was missing a couple of characters. A LOT of women and men need to read it. Its not the kind of thing we see often enough.

    • Huh Bruh

      Sounds a lot like that cat y’all bounced out of here the other week.

  • Thai

    Fck MAN! Ya’ll would be doing this pilot while Im in a far east foreign country!!! …for a year.

    The actors are quite handsome. *blushing*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      y’all don’t have the internet in this far east foreign country? (oh, and thanks for the compliment below and shit)