Five Quick Things You Need To Know About Game Of Thrones If You’ve Never Watched It Before And Want To Start Now » VSB

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Five Quick Things You Need To Know About Game Of Thrones If You’ve Never Watched It Before And Want To Start Now

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1. There are shows where you’re able to start the show mid-series or even mid-season and still have a general idea of what’s happening. And not just episodic fare like and Law and Order, whose structure allowed for each episode to exist as a standalone artifact. Shows like Suits, for instance, intentionally inject a gaggle of exposition into each episode because they know a sizable chunk of their audience comes from people clicking through channels, landing on USA, and saying “Oh…Suits is on. Lemme check that out tonight.” Even The Wire has seasons (two and four specifically) that can live by themselves.

Game of Thrones is not one of those shows. If you decide, on Sunday, to watch the season premiere, you will be lost. You won’t know what’s up with the dragons, the zombies, the face-shifting child assassin, or the horny and pithy little person. You won’t be able to distinguish a Targaryen from a Stark or a Lannister from a Greyjoy, and you won’t know why those distinctions are necessary. So you should, before Sunday, find a way to watch each of the seasons leading up to this one.

2. You know that infamous Cam’ron line from Paid in Full?

Niggas get shot everyday, B.”

Well, Game of Thrones takes that literally. Most of your favorite characters will die. And they’ll die the worst deaths anyone ever died in the history of dying deaths. I happened to catch a bit of an old episode when HBO re-ran the entire series last week. And there was a scene where seven different important characters were on screen at the same time. And every single one of them niggas is dead now. Watching old episodes turns you into Haley Joel Osment. You’ll see nothing but dead (White) people.

3. Be warned that, while it fills the mythical creature diversity quota, this is not the world’s most racially diverse series. You have zombies, dragons, giants, thousand-year-old sexy witches, women immune to fire, trees with sentience, and members of One Direction who control nature with their minds. But apparently a nigga in Westeros is too hard to imagine.

That said, there are the Unsullied — a collection of brown people known to be the world’s best fighters. But I’m loathe to count them because them niggas get their asses kicked in every battle. No one has ever needed more people than the Unsullied do. Basically, their reputation = the Knicks before every season. Their production = the Knicks every season.

4. The most ruthless and terrifying characters on this show are women. Like, remember Rihanna in the “Bitch Better Have My Money” video? Well, imagine if she had dragons. Or thousands of buckets of flammable materials. Or swords named after sowing materials.

5. Do not be ashamed to rely on the internet for crib notes to keep up with each season. Because that’s what literally everyone else does. Even the actors and writers on the show. It’s too encompassing and labyrinthic to not have help. By the end of season one, you’ll believe that the internet specifically exists just to be able to store Thrones-related recaps, deconstructions, explainers, and theories. And, while doing this, try not to be annoyed by the people who’ve read each of the books and act like Every Craft Beer Drinker Ever when sharing their thoughts about it.

Happy watching!

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Kemi

    I stopped watching this show after That Thing That Happened in S4 in the Trial by Combat. After that, I was like, heck no. This is just gratuitous cruelty to the audience, I don’t care how many crappy boy-kings eat it, it can’t make up for this.

    • Cleojonz

      I watched that episode with one eye closed and a hand over my face. That scene was crazy. That’s what he got for monologueing though.

      • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

        it was very gory. I am re watching now

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        whooookid my man was SCREAMING too though….

    • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

      Oberyn got what he deserved. He got too damn coocky.

  • Wizznilliam

    That’s wrong how you did the Unsullied… But yea.. Every time they get in a fight niqqas be droppin’ left and right. I’m usually sitting there waiting to see something cool and savage that never comes.

  • cysinblack

    I disdain violence on most streaming and premium cable programming. GOT had a man’s eyes glouched before getting his skull caved in. I’m good without it. A butch of stinky white people being barbaric with dragons and niqqas.

    • You Know I’m Sawcy

      I appreciate that your judgment is steeped in coloredness.

    • Rastaman

      It’s ROOTS for white people!!!

  • bigheadbaby

    I love this show with my whole heart. It is so gansta! It people in it are so wrong, but wonderful in their wrongness. Case in point: the Red Wedding episode. Who….WHO…kills off a King, his pregnant side-chick-turned Queen, and the Queen Mother at a wedding feast because said King broke his agreement to wed one of your daughters? I think the King was a goober for not seeing that one coming, but still…WHO does that? Like I said…gansta! Had me gasping for air watching it! This show is like watching The Godfather: The Westeros Edition with multiple Michael Corleones…LOL

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      I’m still messed up about Episode 5.9.

      “you my daughter, the princess.”
      “…sleep now in the fire”

      • KMN

        OMG YES Like dude dahell?

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          dude still my king. blackwater had me all in.

          “hundreds will die.”
          *shrug* “thousands” *leads the charge*

    • Tamera Jacobs

      It’s really everything. I’m so happy I gave it a chance cus I originally wrote it off as not my thing genre wise. But Thank God I was open to it. Once I started I could not stop. It’s the best thing since slice bread. I will be sad when it ultimately ends.

    • Cleojonz

      That red wedding episode. Oooh chile. I had read what happened so I knew what was up but even doing that cannot prepare you for when you finally see it. Stabbed the pregnant woman’s stomach? COME ON SON!

      • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

        That’s why we got the Frey Pies. Beetch

      • TJ

        I fell out when she got stabbed in the stomach!! #StraightTears

    • It was worse reading it because everything was described from Catelyn’s POV. She knew something wasn’t right which is why she was pressing Robb to quickly accept bread and salt. But it didn’t help. Also Grey Wind knew what was going to happen.

    • Walder Frey is *legendary* in his pettyness. He could teach a master class. Cateyln Stark knew that which is why she was p*ssed at Robb for marrying the chick behind her back. And it was worse in the books because the girl he knocked up was a Lannister.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    I have no desire to watch.
    *Takes ball and goes home*

  • mr. steal your costco samples

    The one true king, Stannis Baratheon.

    • MsSula

      Excuse you.

      The King in Da Norff!!!

    • Cheech

      Somebody described him yesterday, and he sounded kind of like Harold Stassen.

  • MissRosé

    WINTER IS HERE!

  • Aintnuthinwrongwitcornbread

    HBO averages $6 mil per EPISODE. Season 6 apparently cost $10 mil per. $360 mil has been spent on this show. Is it really that dope?

    • KMN

      Yes.

      LMAO. I mean it’s not the book AT ALL. But the graphics, the special effects the new storyline…it’s pretty epic…but the visuals are enough to be like yeah that’s what’s up

    • Tamera Jacobs

      YES !!!

    • MissRosé

      It really is. Character development times a thousand! You’re invested in every character…smh, just amazing.

    • Kas

      No

      • Kas

        Unless you like pulling wings off of butterflies.

      • Cleojonz

        Pfft!

    • Cleojonz

      FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WATCH AND GET YOUR LIFE!!!

    • MsSula

      Yup. Yup. Yup.

    • Simms~

      Yes, yes it is sir and this is coming from a book reader but I’m not one of those purists who compare every moment and scene.

    • Tiebaby

      It really is, especially if you enjoy unabashed violence and gore. Like, zero phux given on the amount of violence in every episode, which I love.

  • JamieBell

    Khal Drogo. Khal Drogo. Khal…Drogo.

    Ludacris auto-played in my head whenever he was on: “I wanna..lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes…” Y’all know the rest.

    I took about three weeks to grieve his departure, before I could come back to watch the rest and get hooked like everyone else. Love GOT. Watch it. Just watch one season before you dismiss it.

    • Junegirl627

      only reason i’m watching justice league

      • Nah, I’d rather wait for the Aquaman solo movie (if Snyder hasn’t touched it). I like Jason Momoa, just not that much!

        • Junegirl627

          That man could get me to eat Taco Bell

          • There are edible…things at Taco Bell. Now if you told me that you were a vegetarian and Momoa could get you to eat meat then I’ll know it’s real ^_~

            • Junegirl627

              Taco Bell is not meat it’s disrespectful

  • Tamera Jacobs

    I’VE been waiting a whole frigging year for this seasons premiere. I literally cannot wait. Super Excited!!!

    • MsSula

      I have been going down a rabbit hole of Reddit and youtube and what not trying to get my fix. Cannot wait.

      • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

        I may have some YouTube subscriptions that are based on GOT

      • MissRosé

        I just started rewatching the entire series…I need to just pick up.

        • The marathons HBO has had for the last two weeks have been awesome!

      • Tamera Jacobs

        I’m telling you….

      • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

        listen….. i’ve started listening to the podcasts about the show ???? i’ve lost my mind lololololol

        • MsSula

          It’s a disease. Loll

          • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

            it realllllly is…. i have already planned my sunday lol i took off work and everything lol

        • Joelle

          There are podcasts? May I have names please? LOL

          • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

            omg game of owns is where i find myself the most, and this other one called a storm of spoilers lol ?

        • For me Thoen will never be redeemed. He only got Winterfell because he played like he was a friendly force returning home to a castle that was empty of its fighters. You don’t prove that you’re brave by fighting kittens with a mallet. His actions cost hundreds of Northerners their lives.

          • Yup. He messed them up good. But there was no way Theon was going to go against family.

            • I agree. He’s a Greyjoy no matter what. He chose his side so he’s going to have to live (and die) by that choice. The North remembers.

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