Five Quick Things You Need To Know About Game Of Thrones If You’ve Never Watched It Before And Want To Start Now » VSB

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Five Quick Things You Need To Know About Game Of Thrones If You’ve Never Watched It Before And Want To Start Now

1. There are shows where you’re able to start the show mid-series or even mid-season and still have a general idea of what’s happening. And not just episodic fare like and Law and Order, whose structure allowed for each episode to exist as a standalone artifact. Shows like Suits, for instance, intentionally inject a gaggle of exposition into each episode because they know a sizable chunk of their audience comes from people clicking through channels, landing on USA, and saying “Oh…Suits is on. Lemme check that out tonight.” Even The Wire has seasons (two and four specifically) that can live by themselves.

Game of Thrones is not one of those shows. If you decide, on Sunday, to watch the season premiere, you will be lost. You won’t know what’s up with the dragons, the zombies, the face-shifting child assassin, or the horny and pithy little person. You won’t be able to distinguish a Targaryen from a Stark or a Lannister from a Greyjoy, and you won’t know why those distinctions are necessary. So you should, before Sunday, find a way to watch each of the seasons leading up to this one.

2. You know that infamous Cam’ron line from Paid in Full?

Niggas get shot everyday, B.”

Well, Game of Thrones takes that literally. Most of your favorite characters will die. And they’ll die the worst deaths anyone ever died in the history of dying deaths. I happened to catch a bit of an old episode when HBO re-ran the entire series last week. And there was a scene where seven different important characters were on screen at the same time. And every single one of them niggas is dead now. Watching old episodes turns you into Haley Joel Osment. You’ll see nothing but dead (White) people.

3. Be warned that, while it fills the mythical creature diversity quota, this is not the world’s most racially diverse series. You have zombies, dragons, giants, thousand-year-old sexy witches, women immune to fire, trees with sentience, and members of One Direction who control nature with their minds. But apparently a nigga in Westeros is too hard to imagine.

That said, there are the Unsullied — a collection of brown people known to be the world’s best fighters. But I’m loathe to count them because them niggas get their asses kicked in every battle. No one has ever needed more people than the Unsullied do. Basically, their reputation = the Knicks before every season. Their production = the Knicks every season.

4. The most ruthless and terrifying characters on this show are women. Like, remember Rihanna in the “Bitch Better Have My Money” video? Well, imagine if she had dragons. Or thousands of buckets of flammable materials. Or swords named after sowing materials.

5. Do not be ashamed to rely on the internet for crib notes to keep up with each season. Because that’s what literally everyone else does. Even the actors and writers on the show. It’s too encompassing and labyrinthic to not have help. By the end of season one, you’ll believe that the internet specifically exists just to be able to store Thrones-related recaps, deconstructions, explainers, and theories. And, while doing this, try not to be annoyed by the people who’ve read each of the books and act like Every Craft Beer Drinker Ever when sharing their thoughts about it.

Happy watching!

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Blargg

    There’s this one black dude Ser Davos talks to a few times. He’s always at a brothel/bathhouse with a woman on each arm. I always thought that dude was doing it right, living his best life while staying away from them crazy-azz white folks. Missandei better be careful.

    • I was hoping that pirate came around more often.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        So that dude was in the crew that saved the wall or was his ships just transport for the baratheon dudes that got aced?

        • Pretty sure he was in charge of the armada that got roasted.

          • mr. steal your costco samples

            nah, nah, my man was team stannis up north

            • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

              yeah i know he went to the wall with stannis, it was his arm you that rode up on mance and the wildling army…. haven’t updated on if he made it or not

          • He gave Ser Davos some ships that got roasted at the Battle of Blackwater.

        • Salladhor led the crew ships to the Wall for Stannis.

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      there’s also that one dummy who tried to take over Qarth and got the vault treatment

      • Junegirl627

        Yoooooo
        I remember when he they would say the black dudes name. I was watching
        with my brother and heres how the conversation went I said

        Me: Yo What The Fluck? I love Game of Thrones and all but i’m getting offended. That shitaint right
        My brother: What?
        Me: Yo they couldn’t come up with a different name for the ONLY BLACK GUY on the whole show
        My Brother: What do you mean?… I’m confused?
        Me.: They named the black guy “Dark Sauce”… like what the fluck?!! you don’t think that’s offensive
        My Brother: Bwaaaaaaaahhhhaaaaa Nooooooo His name is Daxos not Dark sauce

        I had to rewind the episode and play with closed captioning before I believed that they were saying Daxos and not Dark sauce.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          I thought it was Ducksauce for a while, no judgment coming from me

    • Jetblakc

      Salador!

    • Saan Salladhor is his name. He is even more awesome in the books!

  • Also, there will be boobs. Like if you see a woman and think, I hope she shows her boobs, you will be rewarded.

    • KMN

      I think the actress that played Dani was kind of sick of showing hers off because they were on ALL the time lmao But everybody else will flash you instantly

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        man you know the actress that plays Mel got pregnant, so n!ggas gone be sweating that first reveal like https://media3.giphy.com/media/LRVnPYqM8DLag/giphy.gif

      • She finally got enough contractual power to cut that mess out. This is reason why I can’t stand HBOs foolishness when it comes to the female body.

        • KMN

          Right gimme more peen lmao I don’t mind boobies…but again gimme peen

          • *high five*

            • KMN

              *hi five* lolol

    • You Know I’m Sawcy

      There has to be a whole weird casting couch set up at GoT headquarters for that reason…

      • I wouldn’t be shocked if they straight up used cgi for boob enhancement.

        • You Know I’m Sawcy

          Yep, green screen knockers. For modesty.

        • I know they use body doubles sometimes now. Like Cersei during the walk of shame I don’t think that was her real body.

          • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

            Not all though

          • They could done better… but they also could have done worse.

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      that led to the best troll last year in Ep. 1. you know the one.

    • she

      I don’t particularly enjoy the pink peen and cheek scenes…it’s not my cup of tea.

      • I was taken aback the first couple of scenes because they weren’t holding back. Now I just enjoy the boobs as they come.

        • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

          What about the peens? :P

          • This man fears no pink peen.

  • Wangari Kimiri

    Thanks! This came right on time, I started watching the series for the first time ever last night.

    • MissRosé

      O…you should count how many “oh sh i t” moments you have.

  • KMN

    Two words:
    Red. Wedding.
    I literally sat on the side of my bed for two hours trying to figure out wtf just happened. I’m still slightly shook by that.
    6. Episode 9 always brings the heat

    • Seriously. I almost stopped watching after that.

      • KMN

        Man tell me about it! I remember just as clear as yesterday laying in the bed in the dark watching that before I sat up on the side of the bed saying what the FUCK did I just watch roflol

        • bigheadbaby

          Right! You literally sit up and say those words, “WTF did I just see?” Multiple times…lol Blinking hard like that’s gonna make it unhappen or sumn…LOL

          • KMN

            ROFL @ blinking hard like that’s gonna make it unhappen
            Ain’t that the fucking truth lmao…I love this show. I can’t wait until the last season…those episodes are going to be movie length

    • bigheadbaby

      That was the most breathtaking episode! Literally speaking, it made me gasp, something I seldom do. The brutality. The ramifications of those events. Changed the direction of the ENTIRE show.

      • KMN

        It was beautifully shot and written…because ish was coming from ALL directions and his momma was gully as heII lmao I couldn’t EVEN

        • MissRosé

          Definitely where Arya gets her gully from!

          • KMN

            ABSOLUTELY!! I LOVE Arya…I can’t wait to see what kind of damage she does this season…cuz she ready lol

            • she

              I hope cersei kills danaerys and then arya gets to takr cersei out. It would be a wonderful sequence.

              • Simms~

                I have not loved/hated a character as much as I do Cersei. I’m legit befuddled about how I should feel about her.

                • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

                  That bish is cray cray and eviil. She needs to go.

                  • Simms~

                    True…true.

                • she

                  I respect her that is all…she’s a woman in westeros whose main goal was to protect her family and she did that by any means necessary and has survived! Now liking her is a whole nother thing.

                  • Simms~

                    Yeah I guess that’s it. I don’t love her character but you have to respect her gansta!

                    • orchid921

                      If by “gangsta,” you mean “murderous paranoia,” sure … ;)

                  • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

                    *********SPOLIERS*********

                    all her kids are dead lol dad dead lol brother missing a hand lol ? she’s done an AWFUL job protecting her family ????

                    • MsSula

                      For real! Even Ned did a better job protecting his family and he is dead. Loll

                    • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

                      RIGHT!! lol

                    • Junegirl627

                      lmaooooooo

                  • Rastaman

                    She hasn’t done a very good job of protecting her family as they keep getting knocked off as a result of her poor judgment. Its more likely she tells herself she is doing the ish she does for her family when the truth is she does it for herself. I don’t doubt she would have blown up Tommen in the Great Sept too.

                    • MSNY

                      I agree. It’s all for herself.

                • I will continue to hate Cersei till the day she dies :P

                • orchid921

                  She’s bats in the belfry cray cray. The fourth book gives you a lot of insight into her character and she is straight-up bug f*** nuts.

              • DizzyLizzyGyal

                This would be ideal. White Jesus Dany gotta go.

              • Cersei will be doing nothing of the sort (no matter how much she wishes). She can’t fight and only commands the loyalty of a zombie knight. Not enough to hold off dragons, direwolves AND white walkers combined.

              • TJ

                Nah I love Daenaerys, I hope she takes Cersei out!

                • orchid921

                  Jamie is gonna take Cersei out. Mark my words.

            • MsSula

              She been ready!!!

            • Junegirl627

              A girl is Arya Stark!!!

              She said it with her chest!

            • Nature

              A girl is Arya Stark and going home. Also, the long summer has ended and Winter Is Here.
              NED tried to tell y’all it was coming.

              • KMN

                HE STAYED trying to tell folks it’s on the way…NOW they wanna listen lmao mafuckas…I’m from Wisconsin I KNEW winter was on the fucking way lmaooooooooooo

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      Winds of Winter was so wild. I can’t believe how good that season finale was

    • mr. steal your costco samples

      also, is that a shireen joke?

      • KMN

        LMAO not at all sir

    • MissRosé

      THE. RED. WEDDING!! Bruh..

      • KMN

        Still all up in my feelings about that

        • MissRosé

          I didn’t think I would make it after. But there is hope: JON FUCKING SNOW!

          • KMN

            First of all Jon Snow kinda fine for a white boy roflol…
            Second of all he came WITH IT. when they brought that child back to life I was like thank you baby Jesus roflol…
            Him and Dani and the short dude I can’t remember his name but they will be heII together

            • MissRosé

              That is a standing theory…I’m trying to figure out little man’s dragon blood connection though.

              • StillSuga

                The theory is that his father was really a Targaryn and not a Lannister, hence dragon blood

                • MissRosé

                  Tywin didn’t seem like the type to father someone else’s child – I dunno.

                  • StillSuga

                    If you go down the rabbit hole of the wikis, it talks about how in Westeros there was a tradition of what they called “King’s rights” or something like that when couples were married. Supposedly, the Mad King took advantage of that when Tywin married Joanna (and the relationship continued)

                  • Nope. But if he had put Tyrion out he would have been calling out the King (not wise) and dishonoring the memory of his wife JoAnna (who is the only person he ever loved).

                  • orchid921

                    Tywin’s last words to Tyrion, right before the crossbow shot? “You’re no son of mine.” He could have meant that literally. Just saying … ;)

                    • MSNY

                      True

              • MsSula

                He could be the son of His mother and Aerys Targaryen. They are rumored to have had an affair.

                • Joelle

                  I will fall off my chair if that comes out. I love reading GOT fan theories.

                • TJ

                  Someone told me that this is the case in the novel.

                  • MsSula

                    The novel is not explicit on this. So it’s not cannon as of yet at least.

            • Simms~

              Tyrion is bae after Jon of course.

              • Brooklyn_Bruin

                Now they short dudes.. SMH

            • vvvp

              Pretty sure they’re the last of the Targaryen line – You know Tywin Lannister has always said Tyrion wasn’t his son (At least he always brought that up in the books…) But since mom dies at birth, he’s got no proof. I’m not sure which Targaryen she would have had the affair with though…

              • KMN

                That’s what I’ve thought as well…but when he killed him in the outhouse I HOWLED I tell you lmao

    • she

      The red wedding is basically what getting your period feels like. Everything is all merry and you look down and it’s a f***ing massacre.

    • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

      Purple wedding was satisfying though

    • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

      i can’t watch that episode anymore. it’s just too heavy for me. i have only seen the red wedding once lol i’ve watched this series SEVERAL times lol but OBERYN MARTELL was the woooooorst that HURT

      • Joelle

        I hid behind my bedroom door for that Oberyn scene. I knew it was going to happen and there was no way I was going to witness that. I had the same reaction for last season’s Walking Dead season premiere.

        • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

          yessss the walking dead season premiere i knew to turn away from, that that viper i was unaware when i say i didn’t move for an hour. i didn’t move for an HOUR i was sooooo jacked up over that ?? it was like mortal combat fatality style lol i was no good lololol

          • Joelle

            LMAO @ mortal combat. I’m so happy I didn’t see that.

        • orchid921

          I knew it was coming, so I just got up and went to the kitchen for a snack. 30 seconds later I hear a nasty squish and my hubby cursing up a storm. Sorry, honey!

          • MSNY

            Lol

      • vvvp

        If only he would have double checked and just. stopped. talking! He could have had a really nice vengeance, but noooo. He talks too much! Sand Vipers got some nerve to be pissed about it too.

        • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

          i knooooooow! that night i was soooo upset! i sat on the couch in the dark for an hour ???? trying to figure WHHHHHY he didn’t just kill the mountain n close his mouth!

    • Junegirl627

      Battle of the Bastards
      The red Wedding
      Shame!!!
      The Trial with the High Sparrow
      Tyrion and his Father
      Tyrion and the Ho
      Dany at the Dragon War in Merrine
      HODOR!!!!
      The White Walker Battle
      John Snow
      Shireen Baratheon right before the battle B/W Stannis and Renly

      • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

        how u just carry the RED VIPER THO?!? oberyn martell was shocking

        • Junegirl627

          he was cocky. so no sympathy. You slice that ninja throat to the white meat and bone then smack ya gums.

          Sorry i’m from the hood so i over do it

          • blkgrlMAGICALfairydust_glitter

            ??? he was TOO COCKY tyrian told him to put on a helmet ???? (i’m from the hood too, i understand lol ??) lol

            • Junegirl627

              You are my people. protect ya neck and never turn your back on your opponent are rules number one and two in any fight. So if you fighting a duel to the death and start thinking entertaining the crowd and giving speeches is more important then you looking to die. Sorry not sorry

      • Red October

        Shireen scene still has me shook. SMH. I will add Blackwater Battle of season 2 and Brienne of Tarth vs The Hound to your impressive list.

        • Junegirl627

          Shireen ain’t do nothing but teach Sir Davos how to read she ain’t need to go out like that man. That did me worse than the red wedding.

          • Red October

            I know right. Such a kind soul she was. GoT be having me in my feelings. I legit can’t watch that scene again. This coming from someone who watched Oberyn’s death scene 20 times.

            • Junegirl627

              Because Oberyn killed himself as much as the mountain did. Have you ever seen the incredibles. Sam Jackson character is talking to Mr Incredible about the time the bad guy had him and what did he do? He started monologueing. Just like Oberyn and he died just like Oberyn. #NoSympsForSimps

              • Red October

                Lol! Yeah he should’ve just finished him off and then talked his ish afterwards. Gotta score the touchdown first before you can dance. Going to have to borrow that #NoSympForSimps line. Realer words haven’t been spoken. Of couse credit going to the original of course ?

                • Junegirl627

                  thanks boo! :)

              • MsCaramelQueen

                Fam . . .Sam Jackson’s character did NOT die in “The Incredibles.” ????

    • Joelle

      I haven’t recovered from that episode. It had me sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth like Huck on Scandal.

    • I perused Twitter on the reg for the first five seasons just to watch people’s *multiple* crying faces in real time…I may not be a good person. >____>

      • KMN

        ROFL You’re a beautiful person because that would’ve been HILARIOUS LMAOOOOOOO

    • orchid921

      I read the books (I know, I know, I’m insufferable) and I actually pitched “A Storm of Swords” across the room when the Red Wedding went down. Did I mention I was at work at the time?

      • KMN

        ROFL I can believe it

    • ErnaSheree

      Sometimes its ep 8…Hardhome ?

    • HR Paperstacks

      Just turned that episode on. Hadn’t seen it in awhile.

      • KMN

        I know right? I’m gonna have to watch that again just because lmao

  • Gibbous

    I’m just glad I don’t have HBO, or else I’d be forced to have some kind of opinion about this show. I did google “Westeros” after Luther showed up at Correspondents Dinner with #44 and I didn’t get the joke. I also try to be up on the cultural references so I can follow general conversation, but that’s all I have the bandwidth for.

    See above: KMN and “Red Wedding”

  • bigheadbaby

    I was thinking of GOT when I read this dumb mess yesterday. Surely they jest! Sure, you can, as in “are able to,” watch a show by starting in the middle, but it is a completely different experience. You will never be aware of the interconnectedness of people and events and so much meaning will be lost: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/11/arts/television/skip-tv-shows-essay.html?smid=fb-share

  • You Know I’m Sawcy

    I’ve still only seen the first episode of this show. It’s not really in my wheelhouse. I like when a show captures so many people’s hearts though, it’s kind of sweet. I do wish the show wasn’t like dungeons and dragons on coke, but whatever.

  • NomadaNare

    Obligatory

    Read the books

    • DLPDX

      The tv show has deviated from the books largely. There are people still alive in the books that are dead in the tv series.

    • Simms~

      I feel at this point the books only give some background on characters and history since the show has deviated so far off.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    As a book reader, I have not been able to look down people for at least a season.

    How can I dragon-splain with no text to back me up?

    Black count – random black madam, brutalized by white government, Salador, Missandrei, Grey Worm (castrated body guard to pure white princess, who is liberator of brown people). All of them are white helpers. Adebisi had like two seconds of screen time.

    No Indians, or Asians

    I’ll need the Latino delegation to make the call on Pedro Pascal

    • Kemi

      ¡Si, señor!

      Wasn’t he from some land that was basically Spain?

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        He’s from a Chile. Which makes him Latin American, but I’m not here to judge his Latino-ness

      • orchid921

        In the books? Yeah, Dorne = Spain. And the Summer Islands = Africa. (That last one annoys me. Too on-the-nose.)

  • miss t-lee

    Yeah…this ain’t my scene at all.

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