"You sure you don't want some Kool-Aid? I'll even get you some ice. And a pickle."
We’ve all been there before.
Girl invites boy over for movies, lukewarm purple Kool-Aid, and the unspoken assertion that, unless Boy shows up smelling like pickles or dressed like Chris Brown, Boy and Girl are going to have sex that night. Boy manages not to mess things up, and, lo and behold, the night ends with Boy and Girl making the beast with two backs. Boy and Girl have had sex with each other before, so this is no big deal. But, for whatever reason, sex seems to be a bit more intense tonight. The “mac and cheese” sound¹ is in full effect as moans are a little louder, growls are a little deeper, and the concept of time is a complete non-motherf*cking factor. Boy has a laser beam-like focus on Girl’s various spots, making Girl speak languages that have been dead for five centuries. When Girl eventually climaxes, the earth will shake, the moon will blush, and the ghosts of Ikea will place a phantom order to replace Girl’s soon to be broken bed. Girl enthusiastically lets Boy know that she’s 32 to 47 seconds away from orgasm, a statement that excites Boy and forces him hit spots with even more precision. Unfortunately, Boy becomes a bit too excited, and Boy climaxes right when Girl has hit the 5 to 8 second mark. Boy, realizing Girl’s thisclose to a cop calling orgasm, tries to finish the job, but isn’t erect enough to hit Girl’s spots anymore. Seconds later, Boy is completely flaccid. Boy rolls over, says “I’m sorry” and offers to get Girl some lukewarm Kool-Aid while Girl lays in bed and wonders if a female judge would acquit her if she happens to kill Boy but tells the judge her reasoning for the murder.
Regardless of age, color, creed, and feelings about Linsanity, every sexually active man reading this has “stopped short” before. We can’t help it. Even though we know that if we can hold off for just 10 more seconds your body will turn hot day fire hydrant, sometimes we’re just unable to stop.
Sure, there are certain ways to prolong things when this happens (i.e.: think about Kurt Cobain, switch positions, scream “Don’t move a gotdamn inch!!!!”, etc), but sometimes things reach a point of no return, and the woman’s near climax will be forever lost to the deep, dark, surprisingly damp, and surprisingly angry space in space where “close, but not quite orgasms” eventually settle.
Anyway, “stopping short” is just one of the many legitimately f*cked up things all men do to women, and here’s four more.
2. Eat all of your food, and drink each of your beverages
Out of all the things on this list, this one isn’t really our fault. You can’t say things like “Make yourself at home.” and then get pissed when we take you to your word and eat all of your leftover pizza, half of your Cheetos, each of your lettuce wraps, and a full slab of your turkey bacon.
3. Pretend like we did absolutely nothing to encourage women to continue flirting with us
It’s usually nothing too disrespectful or too egregious. But, despite how much we feign ignorance, we know when women are flirting with us, and we also know that all it takes to dead the flirting is to act indifferent, apathetic, or even occasionally annoyed. Despite this knowledge, we’ll still return the smile or the hug or the lunch invitation or even ever so slightly laugh at her attempt at “Ok, I’m going to say something that’s supposed to be funny. It’s clearly not, though. Let’s see if he takes the bait and laughs” humor.
4. Intentionally give awful dating advice
My favorite is when men suggest that, since it’s the 21st century, chicks need to “woman up” and start approaching guys.
Nevermind the fact that no man in the history of mandom has ever been in a happy and healthy relationship with a woman who approached, bagged, and pursued him. We’re generally lazy motherf*ckers who just enjoy when women put in some of the work…even though these “working” women probably aint ever gonna make it past the 2am Wendy’s drive-thru.
5. Pretend like we’re completely unable to remember birthdays, anniversaries, plans, shopping instructions, and any other information more important to you than it is to us
Admittedly, I probably do this more than anything else on the list. I can tell you exactly what Michael Jordan’s average PPG was in the 86-87 NBA season without googling it (37.1), but if a woman I happen to be seeing asks me to remember to pick up some eggs and celery from the store before I come home, my brain all of a sudden turns Tyga as I’ll faux-try to remember those difficult-ass details so hard that I’ll start drooling; a elaborate subterfuge with a clear and precise goal in mind: She never asks me to do that again
Anyway people of VSB, I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. Can you think of any other legitimately f*cked up things all men regularly do to women? Also, fellas, can you think of legitimately sh*tty sh*t that all women do to us?
¹When sex is very good, it sounds like a pot of mac and cheese being mixed with a wooden spoon.
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)
#1 will make u want to punch a man dead in his face lol…… #flashback
+1
I just give him a good kick in the throat.
A good swift one!
But, like, there is no reason on earth homeboy can’t muster up the energy to finish that ish with his hands at least. If he truly can’t, he just flat out ain’t worth it.
But, like, there is no reason on earth homeboy can’t muster up the energy to finish that ish with his hands at least. If he truly can’t, he just flat out ain’t worth it.
you really want him to shove some dry ass fingers up in your woohah?
#1 can be remedied with his mouth, or a vibrating device.
indeed.
*mumbles*
lazy arses
I’m just seeing this! lmao
Not to be crude, but if I was literally seconds away from coming when he did the deed, then I doubt his “dry ass fingers” are gonna be dry for long. Maybe it doesn’t work like that for some ladies but if I was fire-hydrant ready a minute ago, I’m prolly fire hydrant ready now.
LMBO!
Yeah, I mean obviously the other methods aren’t as efficient… but you gotta at least try. Brothas gotta work it out.
other methods aren’t as efficient? have you studied anatomy, son? Don’t get me wrong, penetration is awesome, but its truly nowhere near the same neighborhood as ‘efficient’ ie, clitoral stimulation.
yes exactly!
THIS!
For sure.
lol just pull out the vibrator
dam!
#2 is classic! Stay eatin’ my food. He has actually looked me dead in the face and said..”i’ma eat all your snacks” and went to town in the cabinets! SMH. Talking about…”you act like you can’t just buy more.”
LOL, ma’am you shoulda told him “and I’ma kick all your a$$”
I used to date a ninja who would consistently drink the last of my Pepsi One and NEVER tell me about it. Man…..when you get your mouth all set for it and there ain’t even a swallow left….SMH.
when you get your mouth all set for it and there ain’t even a swallow left….SMH.
gives you more incentive to swallow something else
Remember those dry ass fingers you mentioned above???? Well, my dry ass throat is NOT swallowing anything else until a sista gets her Pepsi One!
i actually laughed out loud at this. LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*lmao* I like that he warned you *lmao*
Interesting. Never done 1-3, 4 and 5 maybe..
you lie!
but that first one. . . Thanks Champ for making me angry ALLLLLLLL over again. . .
I looooooooooooove your hair!
AIN’T IT THE BEST THING SINCE THE INFAMOUS PHRASE ABOUT SLICED BREAD?!
Yeah ur hair is awesome
this thread needs to get a room
#hairenvy
hey, I’m going to ask your hair on a date with mine. They need to get together and talk curl bizzness, yo curlz are the bizness.
@ Champ,
Room for what…I would think you’d be a willing participant. Oh wellz. Your loss!
omg i just saw this. . . and i think this has got me the most excited i been since well. . . #1 almost happened. . . thanks guys!!!!!!
I got a good one…just happened this weekend…go to Mardi Gras for your boys bachelor party. (With your married asses) And talk to a group of girls and do everything to try and sleep with them…umm negroes aint sh!t. At least change ya status on FB and make your picks private really?
i’m just getting back from mardi gras wknd, some of the men on the trip were married and errr umm uhh yeah :-/
they definitely try.
ish is depressing.
From what I understand, this transcends gender bounds. Heck, with some hurricanes and beads and hooting and hollering, a lot of women slip loose the surly bounds of matrimony and touch the faces of the Sex God.
“From what I understand, this transcends gender bounds. ”
exactly
Why do I find it hilarious that married men would put that on Facebook in the first place on a public setting?
6. See a missed call and then send a text message instead of actually returning the phone call.
That one ticks me off to no end. If I wanted to text you, I would have done that. Pick up the doggone phone!
This disinterested person of ANY sex… not just men. We’ll take those other’s but that one is universal.
” This disinterested person of ANY sex… not just men. We’ll take those other’s but that one is universal.”
+1
what’s wrong with that?
It’s just irritating. I honestly would rather you just wait to call me until you’re free/have time and not text at all. That’s just me though…
Right? Maybe they don’t like the sound of your voice or you tend to go on and on about nothing.
My best friend does that to me all the time. And I ask her why. I would totally get it if she was disinterested in talking to me, but no, she proceeds to have a 3-hour convo via text. That. Bothers. Me.
It’s a well known fact that men don’t like talking on the phone. It’s just not something we get excited about. The only possible exception would be those two hour long phone calls when you’re first dating, but those don’t count, because they’re a means to an end. (Specifically, your undergarments on our bedroom floor for the first time.)
“¹When sex is very good, it sounds like a pot of mac and cheese being mixed with a wooden spoon.”
hahahaha True true true.
You and your gentle love making. You know, it can be good when you hear that rhythmic slap so hard that both of your hips hurt. Screw that mac ‘n cheese. I’ll save that for my Tims thanks.
You know, it can be good when you hear that rhythmic slap so hard that both of your hips hurt
there’s still a faint hint of mac and cheese when that happens, though
*rotfl*
i dont know if this analogy makes me hungry or horny.
but i will never look at mac and cheese the same way.
right!
LMAO! This!
Hungry. It makes me hungry.
I always thought it sounded more like smacking the bottom of a glass juice bottle. That’s a little test of mine. I mention that I love that sound and wait to see who blushes a little.
I’m mad you thought you had to put that footnote about the mac n cheese, that’s just hilarious! I knew the moment I thought about it in my head and LOL’ed! Men are so guilty of #1.
i may make a list of sh*tty things women do during sex tomorrow
Please and thanks.
Hmph…. You better start now… That’s a looooooooooooooooooooooong list….
lmao
*stroking beard pensively*
Hmm… none of this rings a bell….
This comment made me laugh almost as much as the mac n cheese statement! And no, the footnote wasn’t needed.
LOL, right…I think we got it…reading the footnote made me cover my ears (and is gonna make me laugh out loud the next time I’m getting it in…I just know it, lol)
lol, you covered your ears?
I’m gonna laugh SO hard!!! And then whisper something like …pineapples…mashed potatoes…*insert dog barking*…idk ANYTHING to cover the mac n cheese sound!!! That should be like #4 or something on Champ’s list of “annoying things women do during sex.”
Why was I JUST thinking about Mac and cheese? when that wooden spoon gets in all the crevices of the pan.The lord is my shepperd and HE knows what I want… Ms.Paaaarker
The lord is my shepperd and HE knows what I want…
oh gosh
This made me Laugh out Loud……..
Not only am I guilty at number 1, I might roll ova and go STRAIGHT to sleep….lol
Just wrong on so many levels lol
Hey, all I can promise is 5 minutes of thunder….
Honesty is greatly appreciated
Somehow I think you’re underselling so you can actually oversell when the true test comes. I’d say you’d put in a good 15…#pause
hmmm *rubs chin*
” Hey, all I can promise is 5 minutes of thunder….”
lmao! Honestly wit me, it goes in phases/streaks. If she catches me during the 5 minute season, it sux for both of us (especially her) but right now I happen to be in an unexplainable 30 minutes or more each time phase. Wonder how long this’ll last? <———–Ahhhh, see what I did there? lol
I’m going to just go ahead and say it “Y’all ain’t jakt awf enuf!” Focusing on the ‘point of no return’ in solitude, is an easy way to extend your stamina.
However, if you putting in work and she starts her “Oh, Lawd/Gawd” cycle, then it is all for naught because you can’t change anything at that moment or….ya know, kills the mojo.
Once you start hitting that special spot…You. Cannot. Stop. Or she’ll kill you. At least, that is my experience and what makes it so hard to mete out an ample amount of performance. The longer you keep the same, the better the timing should be. Y’all should…synchronize. And then she should begin doubling up on yours. Again, this was my experience…didn’t start that way…I had to work extremely hard to stop losing…
Lawd! Noooo!
Just so wrong…
ijk ladies…not dat selfish, or dat fast. Wait, do quickies count? Lets just say *Trey Songz voice* I bet tha neighbors know my name…
No!!!
#4 will get at least 3 of my male friends junk punched beforeany of you have your morning coffee.
Piggy backing off of #1 I’d like to add passing out during the pregame and never ever making it to the party.
And/or *tries to find ladylike way to say this* having stage fright at performance time because you were “too excited” followed by one word texts like I didn’t something wrong.
And this is my life as a Cover Girl.
Junk punched?….heaux neaux
can you imagine if a guy said “that foul sh*t will get three of my female friends coochie punched before breakfast”?
At the last one, bruhman needs to learn improv. There’s a reason any man worth his salt in bed has more than one more. It’s like a stage actor bluffing his way through when he forgets the lines.
#4 will get at least 3 of my male friends junk punched beforeany of you have your morning coffee.
why?
Because they set me up for failure and told me to go full court press on a crush.
LOL!!!!
I wish someone would make a video about what goes through women’s heads when #1 happens…#bloodpressurerisingagain #flashback #ohthatwaslastnight #fml
be my guest
Four words:
This Nija ain’t sh*t!
I laughed at “hot day fire hydrant.”
But being #TeamVSV and #TeamNeverBeenKissed
properlyI have nothing to say on one. I find number one funny now, but won’t be Tee-hee-ing when I’m lookin up at the ceiling thinkin “This disrespectful son of a …”If I’m feeling a dude, food is food. I’ll cook it, I’ll store it, but if I ask for one slice/cup/bite/swallow and ain’t none when I expect there to be some? There will be blood.
I’m a jealous lil something. I know that about me. Dude is probably gonna know that about me. So if Becky the waitress is eyeing him too long and I kind of cock my head to the side and narrow my eyes, his and Becky’s @sses are gonna get told the hell off.
As for the rest (seeing as I sometimes, possibly, maybe do those things myself) no comment. But could I add gossiping to the list? Men love to tell women how gossipy we are, that we hold water as well as a bucket with holes in it, but start telling Tyrone all about how loose Lois is and where you heard it from. Bruh, when I told you that you ain’t wanna hear it though! Just… -_- ugh…
Man gossip and woman gossip is different in nature. Let me explain, when women gossip they remember what they were talking about and store it as a use of extortion or retort for later dates. When men gossip we don’t really remember that sh!t we take it for the laughs that it gives us then and leave it there.
Women laugh about it too, but we’ve got foresight enough to know that sh*t might be useful. If you ask me that makes us a bit more industrious
Industrious…I like that!!!
” So if Becky the waitress is eyeing him too long and I kind of cock my head to the side and narrow my eyes, his and Becky’s @sses are gonna get told the hell off.”
ok how about if i tell Becky the waitress that “you’re allowed 3 seconds to eye me, because the woman i’m with, is a jealous lil something”..
can i say that in front of you? rofl
I mean you can tell her, but please believe I’ll be counting the seconds before I mush her
Oh #1 really grinds my gears, my ex got kicked out my dorm room at 2 in the morning for pulling that stunt and we didn’t go to the same school, lol. Made his but sleep in the hall…and what else men do is bring your friends to my crib and eat all my food, I mean even all my mint candies and pistachios in the candy dishes on my coffee table. My entire kitchen wasn’t enough, had to devour my family room complimentary snacks too, smh.
That wasn’t a man you were dealing with, Im not sleeping in no one’s hallway and my name is the Hallway. If Im having an off night which I rarely do, it’s time to put those skills you use to devour those mint candies to use.
Is he friends with locusts? lmao
Lmbo, he had no where else to go. He went to a school four hours away from mine and my school was 2 hours from our hometown….and we were freshman with no cars, he caught the greyhound to see me.
And girl I think they were locust in human form, like the alien cockroach on MIB…they would swoop in, eat everything in site, ask where are my girls, and leave.
Hey, number one….something that just can’t be helped with without adequate communication. A few times, I was really aware of the limitation of my stamina. I tried a warning. But what felt great to her felt unbelievable to me… Brian Mc Knight (back to one).
.
Anyway, I don’t give advice; I’m no glutton; flirting ain’t a problem; I don’t forget people’s birthdays since I was 7. I try hard to be a half way decent person. But number one….I’ll be….I’ve been hit, scratched, bitten, kicked & poisoned(don’t know if it was a coincidence but I was sick for a day).
Warming the oven before baking is the best way to avoid over cooking the outer while under cooking the inner©.
My 2¢
“Warming the oven before baking is the best way to avoid over cooking the outer while under cooking the inner©. ”
That was beautiful…. *single tear*
Word. That’s the number one rule. Unless it’s quickie night and she knows it… “I won’t get mine until you feel three” (Shock G).
Auto-Pilot Hearing- is a man’s innate ability to chime in and out of a conversation, while given her minimal attention span.
I remember one guy I went on a date with who had terrible listening-auto-pilot. It was terrible because he was so obvious. Unfortunately for him my talking-auto-pilot skills are on point. I talked and alked while pretending not to notice him zoning out, looking around the restaurant, giving odd responses to whatever I said, etc. Then this ninja had the nerve to ask me at the end of the date, “we had such a wonderful conversation…can we continue at yor place?” Air ball. I just said it was late and I didn’t want company.
Definitely a refined skill when you’re married. How else can you listen to your wife’s day for about an hour without throwing in your two cents on how to solve it or getting pissed that she doesn’t quit her job if it’s so bad?
#2 is the truth, because ALL men do this to ALL women. Men do this to their sisters, daughters, co-workers…if you let a man near your fridge, RIP your food
So true!
1. Homeboys in college would ask and grab for food in colege. We started hiding isht like Deebo was coming.
2. My father asked for a bite of my burger when I was little girl and took half of it in one bite. That was a Fatburger too! He’d buy me another one though. Thank goodness the burger was so big, half was enough.
3. Bought some treats for an ex and myself. Negro ate his and woke up in the middle of the night and ate mine. #Pause
4. Tried to offer a serving of a healthy food to an ex and he wanted no parts of it, only to eat all of it (a 6-8 person serving) an hour later.
“RIP to your food” is SO real. Especially when a ninja comes over and I JUST went grocery shopping?! Dude turns my crib into “haven’t been grocery shopping in weeks and fridge only has an onion and a box of baking soda in it” status.
This will NEVER happen to me. As I live alone, I just don’t go grocery shopping for long periods, I go, buy what’s for dinner the next two days and that’s that. I NEVER buy junk food and bring it in my house. Dude will be PISSED!
Every guy will eventually get to the New Edition “Count Me Out” phase, but sometime before that happens every guy will straight up bail on his girl to hang out with the guys. It might be a last minute baseball ticket or one of the guys decided to pay for the PPV fight or just a straight up night out drinking. It is guaranteed that one or more date nights will get cancelled just off some guy sh1t.
“Every guy will eventually get to the New Edition “Count Me Out” phase”
I see you, Ralph T.
I cant stand when a guy does everything exactly as if he was your man, but keeps insisting yall are just fwb’s cuz he wanna keep his options open. Staying & spending the nite after sex, hanging out even when he knows hes not getting sex, constant communication (multiple calls/texts everyday), introduces you to the freinds & fam (as his “homegirl” smdh), ect. Like, who do u think is coming along that will be better? Well shes not, cuz im right here under your nose idiot
“Like, who do u think is coming along that will be better?”
lmao!
*Rod Serling voice* You have not entered…the option zone *cues the Twilight Zone theme*
Exactly. And there are no levels, I repeat, no levels in Option Zone. All options, including the invisible ones, are treated equally.
He’s introducing the OP as a “homegirl” so that it isn’t too awkward when he introduces the other Option to his friends at the next event.
DO NOT wait on him to come around – he won’t. If he hasn’t claimed you by now, he doesn’t intend to. I’m not saying this to be rude, just trying to save you some years chile. MOVE ON…
Is he great in bed? If so, kick him out after every time you have sex and don’t make plans with him in the daytime or the nighttime for that matter.
” Is he great in bed? If so, kick him out after every time you have sex and don’t make plans with him in the daytime or the nighttime for that matter.”
lmao! That’s actually good advice. I doubt she’ll do it, because she most likely likes more about him than just the (great) sex. Good advice nonetheless
Yeah, can totally relate. Annoys the hell out of me. That FWB sh*t is such a load of crap.
But, but…I want option dammit! I need all those women to make up for the love and affection I never got from my mama and to make feel like I’m more than belly button lint. Be my self-esteem woman!
Thank you for this. I’m filing that little nugget away. Now how to turn it to my benefit. Hmm.
In the words of Katt Williams, “bitch it’s called SELF esteem, esteem of your muthafuckin SELF!”
I was in your situation, Iceprincess. Then I got with the program and now I just use him the same way he uses me. Now he’s all hurt when I say that I’m not in love with him. I can’t keep stroking your ego, homie. Sorry. But we can still be friends…with benefits.
Yea u & cali are both rite. Its been 2 yrs & i aint getting any younger. Its gonna be tough to let him go cuz he really is an all-around good man. I just need to realize he’s not MY good man. *deep sigh*
You can do it! And remember there are other good men who may want to step to you once he’s out of the picture.
It’s tough when they’re good enough to keep. But now that he knows he can have you on the side for years, he’ll KEEP you on the side for as long as you’ll stay there. Don’t settle for the pretend relationship – get moving & find the man you can have a real one with
you mean like the FriendZone?
#AskingForAFriend
I married that woman. Of course, as a young guy just out of law school and making a little bling, I stupidly believed in the heaux-train syndrome –why settle down with this great woman when there’s a whole train of other, new fine women just waiting to date me.
After my then gf drop kicked me to the curb, I did indeed date around some. It was great and all but it felt like I was on a treadmill. Needless to say, two years later I asked her to marry me.
#s 1 and 2… I just got an instant attitude.
But fret not, if you can’t last that last 10 seconds and have no intention of figuring out how to complete the job, I have a friend that takes double A (sometimes triple) batteries. And at this point 10 seconds is all I need. And yes, I’m just gonna pull it out while you’re laying there.
If you eat all my food, I’m putting you to work. Just had a kneegrow leave me 2 pieces from a whole large pizza. He then had light bulbs to change, smoke detector batteries to change, garbage needed to be taken out… Hell, he hung ish I couldn’t reach (and I’m 6ft). You gone earn that damn pizza!
LOL, you made me think of another one:
#6- Making me get all this damn meat on my pizza. We just have to order two pizzas. Why they have to have ham, sausage, pepperoni, beef, every meat in the world on one pizza??
“Why they have to have ham, sausage, pepperoni, beef, every meat in the world on one pizza??”
Cause that’s what makes the pizza pizza
” Cause that’s what makes the pizza pizza”
+1 I’m not tryna be hungry again in 2 hours
True that. And also, I don’t want a whole bunch of rabbit food on top of my pizza. You wanna feed me vegetables, bring me a salad, not a pizza.
You just reminded me of the rabbit food jokes I used to get back in the day when I was a vegetarian. lmbo
Do you eat meat now?
hell yes!
Truth.
” You gone earn that damn pizza! ”
*lmao*
Most of these aren’t that bad:
1.Stopping short- Well this is bound to happen at some point but if it happens too often its an issue
2. Eat all of your food, and drink each of your beverages- this is actually not a big deal seeing as how I’m not a big fan of eating leftovers and I buy extra drinks and snacks if there will be anybody, males in particular, at my place
3. Pretend like we did absolutely nothing to encourage women to continue flirting with us- thats fine…. everybody flirts….as long as you make sure it stays at just that
4. Intentionally give awful dating advice- I never ask men for advice anyway
5. Pretend like we’re completely unable to remember birthdays, anniversaries, plans, shopping instructions, and any other information more important to you than it is to us- I will remind you of anything that’s important to me the week before, the day before and the day of so there will be no forgetting unless you intentionally try really hard to forget….which is bad because I will fuss endlessly about it.
#5- Yes. I have learned to start asking for what I want if I really care. I’m not talking about hinting either, just plain language “I would like you to do a,b,c for x,y,z on da da da.”
+1
Really now?
” Most of these aren’t that bad:
1.Stopping short- Well this is bound to happen at some point but if it happens too often its an issue”
Exactly. I get that it’s fun to make all kinds of jokes about this, but if you’re ACTUALLY getting mad at him or assuming that he’s doing this on purpose (or thinking that he can “fix this” by sheer will) then you need some help fa real. It sucks, and I can imagine it’s all kinds of frustrating, but it is what it is. You know there have been guys that haven’t even gotten anywhere near close. So be glad ole boy has potential. But if it happens ALL the time, or most of the time, then yeah, I can say that actually is an issue…
“You know there have been guys that haven’t even gotten anywhere near close”
lmao this is so true tho
I feel like everyone keeps missing the point here on #1- it’s not that he accidentally finished too early that is the problem… it’s that he doesn’t try to get her off afterwards! I’m sorry but if every woman climbed on top of a man, got off, and then didn’t finish him, you guys would be freakin’ pissed about your blue balls and all that nonsense.
Use the l-word in the heat of things, when they know cottamn well know, they don’t even know what l means and neither do they ever show it……actions speak louder than words.
yeah #1eventually happens to even us hard workers,
when it does i’ll just say “oops yo bad!” and then i shall proceed to go make me a big retarded sandwich then play a little call of duty on the xbox
good times…………..
although i should mention that if i really dig the girl, it’s only proper to slam a couple of red bulls and get back to work!
and then vindicated i return to my call of duty or nba 2k…
GO PISTONS!
” yeah #1eventually happens to even us hard workers,
when it does i’ll just say “oops yo bad!”
Pretty much. I was wit ya till you started talkin bout the Pistons. I forgot they existed every since that core group broke up. I was definitely cheerin them on when they beat the Lakers in the Finals in ’04. Clearly you’re actually from Detroit tho lol
this list is excellent…
except #5…i just can’t do that at all. inconsiderate-ness is kind of a deal-breaker (i guess that’s why i’m single? hmm…)
#1 be sooooo frustratin, smh…even finishing with hands is good, but can leave more to be desired.
#2 is also super on point but if they are about to smash something i’m attached to, i let it be known that we’re gonna have to split it.
#4 is hilarious…ESPECIALLY that “why don’t y’all approach US?” mess…i really don’t think any guy ever wants that to happen (unless it’s just smash.) If y’all were thinking about approaching the chick and she comes to you too, i feel like it ruins the sense of unattainability that you need for a woman to be attractive. and if you WEREN’T gonna holla @ her 1st, it’s b/c you weren’t checking for her and could potentially make any social setting awkward where you may have interest in someone else.
“#4 is hilarious…ESPECIALLY that “why don’t y’all approach US?” mess…i really don’t think any guy ever wants that to happen (unless it’s just smash.) ”
Me either. A lot of “I wish” (soundin’ like r kelly… not in THAT way) statements made from men, they don’t end up actually liking or appreciating when they get it. lol
“i really don’t think any guy ever wants that to happen (unless it’s just smash.) If y’all were thinking about approaching the chick and she comes to you too, i feel like it ruins the sense of unattainability that you need for a woman to be attractive.”
if i find her attractive, her making the first move eases my mind, ain’t a deal breaker, but it eases my mind…
*looks around*
*going against the grain*
i mean “nah..y’all just wait for us to approach y’all…yeah, that’ll will work”
@ KingJordan- Nah, I’m wit you homie. It’s not as big of a deal as they’re making it out to be. It actually happens to me more times than I could’ve ever imagined. Sure it hasn’t led to marriage yet, but marriage wasn’t achieved (if you consider it an achievement) from me doing the approaching either, so I don’t co-sign the theory that a long term relationship is impossible when the woman approaches. They’re just as lazy and got just as much stage fright as us, that’s why they’re perpetuating that silly theory. The thrill of the chase is real, and it does give somewhat of a sense of accomplishment, but it’s overrated. A woman that knows what/who she wants is just as attractive (just in a different and sometimes more intriguing way) than one who plays coy but eventually says yes.
oh i have 2 more things to add to the list
#6 telling you how to drive/park even though you’ve been driving for 17 years and have never had an accident.
#7A explaining in detail how they’re not ready for a relationship…and then going into straight trip mode when you stick to the agreement, and they catch feelings.
#7B explaining how they’re tired of games & drama and are looking for something serious/lifelong…when they really just want the monogamous version of “smashing and seeing what happens”.
LMAO at 7a. I’ve seen that one a few times, which leads me to the conclusion that most men couldn’t handle a real fwb situation. They need to be resisting her feelings in order to avoid catching them. Let a man realize his tool didn’t make you fall for him. Flip Out.
lol i don’t get where that arrogance even comes from! especially considering the “tool” is actually quite unattractive. it’s actually a turn off when a dude thinks you’re supposed to faint at his ever gesture, lol
I think a lot of guys that cant handle fwb relationships didnt really intend to have a fwb. They get off on not giving you what you so deeply desire… a relationship. When it turns out that you are actually ok with fwb they dont know what to do.
THIS. They don’t know what to do with themselves. They want you to be in love, monogamous, and their homie-lover-friend, but still have their options and not have to be any of that for you, except when it’s convenient. When you’re like “cool. Thanks for the D” and are exploring *your* options, they can’t handle it.
p.s. Hi all, been a lurker for a looong time.
As a man, you are absolutely correct. But we can dream. I think most men want someone committed to them but also want to be able to experience variety. Fair? no. But it doesn’t hurt to want your cake.
With #7A, it’s about 50/50 on the feelings catching thing. I’ve had situations where we kept is straight FWB and am still friends. On the flip side, there have been situations where the woman caught feelings, and even I’ve caught a feeling. If you can talk it out, you can keep it moving with no hard feelings.
But I just realized I’ve disqualified 85% of the adult human population.
7A _<
I keep hearing about these mythical dudes who catch feelings, but I’ve never actually seen any of them. Having a FWB situation as a dude, is like a player winning the NBA championship… it’s what you play the game for.
And like an NBA championship, they are rare, hard to come by, and require the right personnel to acquire. So maybe these dudes you all are talking about are the “Big Baby’s” and “Mark Madsen’s” and “Sasha Vujacic’s” of relationships.
they exist.
trust. me.
Perhaps…
…but I think they’re Diva Dudes and y’all just haven’t recognized it.
They just are not dating YOU! lol! You get a different side of the story.
” I keep hearing about these mythical dudes who catch feelings, but I’ve never actually seen any of them. Having a FWB situation as a dude, is like a player winning the NBA championship… it’s what you play the game for.”
I know right! That ish is ideal! It bears mentioning that FWB is not the same as a jumpoff/f*ck buddy. In a friends with benefits arrangements the two of you are ACTUALLY FRIENDS, you just so happen to smang when you get horny…That’s what 93.7% of us actually want…. #cantarguestatistics lol
I know. That’s what most of us worked our bachelor lives to achieve. Like 94.8% of us. And statistics are like facts that aren’t true based on math… so you can’t really argue with them.
Well, I’ve done #3 before. Usually, I’m the opposite of #1 where the woman asks “will you finish already motherf*cker! I’m tired!” And I’ve had a few decent relationships start with women pushing up on me, so I’m so not #4. Then again, that’s also how I got married, so that’s another story.
In terms of sh*t women do that’s sh*tty, how about making men ask 21 questions about what you’re mad about, all while having a passive aggressive temper tantrum about it? Of course, you need to be validated, but make sure the guy knows how to validate. And if he does, give him a feeling TO validate instead of making him ferret it out.
“In terms of sh*t women do that’s sh*tty, how about making men ask 21 questions about what you’re mad about, all while having a passive aggressive temper tantrum about it? Of course, you need to be validated, but make sure the guy knows how to validate. And if he does, give him a feeling TO validate instead of making him ferret it out.”
This, a thousand times! Why do I gotta be 50 Cent or Sherlock Holmes just to figure out why you mad? And if the question is too broad or too narrow I get the “whatever” “you wouldn’t understand,” or “FINE!” answer. I swear men wouldn’t have such a problem with communication with women if we spoke the same language. I communicate very well with friends and co-workers.
I am a straightforward, no-nonsense, no-mind-games kind of girl. I will tell you exactly what I want, what’s on my mind, etc. You don’t have to ask to get this info from me. The problem is, I STILL know guys who are CLUELESS despite this. My most current dude, despite me being VERY clear about a lot of things, still always manages to fuck up. It’s like he’s trying to take the direct words I use, and analyze them for a deeper meaning because he thinks all girls are complicated like that, and I must mean the opposite of what I say… Listen. To. My. Words! And you don’t need to ask 21 questions, you just need to ask the right 1. If you ask what is wrong, and she chooses to withhold info about her feelings, in a situation where you weren’t the one to cause her sadness/anger, then she is just a stupid girl who obviously doesn’t understand that communication is important if you want your relationship to work! I hate “letting guys guess” because they NEVER get it right!
Fellas. Just invest in a rabbit and introduce bugs in the chexual activities so you can ensure #1 doesn’t happen so you don’t have to sleep with one eye open.
I think a Bullet (and I ain’t talking guns either) would do better, but I get your drift.
My rabbit has all those buttons to operate (direction, directional speed, and vibrational intensity). I’m at the controlls dangit!
Nothing like the real thing…
@ WIP
Imma still give you the real thing; the toys are to enhance the expierence.
+1, co-sign, let the church say amen, and all other stuff people say to agree…
I have found if you finish before you actually start it doesnt take that long to get there again.. and again… and again. Thats why I’m a big fan of cunnilingus before. I never have a problem with #1.
I’m definitely guilty of #3 but that’s just because of my friendly nature. I feel like girls have done #2 to me more than I’ve done to them. But I can think of something that I’ve done that makes a girl self-conscious: When out on a date, I tend to order less and eat slower. I don’t know why I do that but girls told me they feel like pigs because they finish their food in 5 minutes and I’m still working on the first bite.
As for the ladies:: I would appreciate it if i did not have to be a mind reader. From my mom to my homegirls, that’s a lot of minds that I need to be able to read and it is just not going to happen because I’m not Jesus. I don’t have that ability to keep track of how you feel because it is like trying to read hieroglyphics without a Rosetta stone.
i think it is legitimately fuuhhhkt up when guys are unable to be honest about their feelings and what they want from the woman thy are with. “i don’t know” is the cover story for “i don’t have the courage to tell you what you don’t want to hear so i am going to pretend i am clueless in order to string you along for as long as i can.”
i think it is also fuuuuuuhhkt up when women tell men what they need from a partner, and men act like they are being put upon. don’t like the frame? get out of the picture. no one said it had to be You.
ohh yeaa, and for the icing on the cake, i think it is fuuuuhkt up when a guy who says “i don’t want a relationship” then turns around and says “you’re not giving me a chance.” a chance for what? to break my heart? thanks, but i’m gonna have to pass.
Oh, allow me to collapse your #1 and #2 for you. I hate when a woman asks me what I want out of a relationship or asks me how I feel, I tell her, and she turns on the water cries, calls her girlfriends, gets chocolate and cheesecake, watches Thelma and Louise and Waiting to Exhale with them all while telling said girls how said dude ain’t sh*t.
Wait, I was honest, told you the truth and now you throw a tantrum? In the immortal words of the Jiggaman, Can I Get a F*ck You!
+1 on that man. If the relationship the guy has in mind doesn’t match up with the girl’s idea..we are still screwed
OOH let’s add just because I may not agree with you doesn’t mean that I don’t support you. Why is it that if we don’t see eye to eye, women will find 6,000 people that feel the same way she does about a particular subject and accuse men of not being equally yoked. STOP IT LADIES!
Um, maybe that’s specific to the lady or ladies you’re dealing with because I honestly haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about.
WC
You and Todd touch on it downthread but I’ll expand:
Let’s say that you want to open your own law frim and I say your current business plan is weak. Hearing that 10,000 of your girls and your old lovers think your business plan is sound does not mean I’m wrong for my opinion nor does it mean (but always seems to translate) that I don’t support your end goal.
Honesty without repercussions
“Honesty without repercussions”
There is no such thing (unfortunately). The truth is ALWAYS punished. A lesson hard learned.
Yeah that mentality of ill say whatever benefits me is boy thinking. You speak the truth if your word means something. If your word is for sale and you’ll avoid the truth cause you feel like you will be punished for it, go put your diapers on.
“I’ll say whatever benefits me” is a characteristic (or flaw) of human nature. Human beings self-censor all the time for a variety of reasons (not the least of which is conflict and/or pain avoidance or any other cost-to-benefit analysis). There are consequences for everything, including the act of levying consequences. At least for some of us.
For those of you who always tell the whole truth, never withold information, never avoid a question, or answer deceptively, and always say exactly what you’re thinking… carry on.
WC
You missed the theme of the thread. No one spoke of changing one’s opinion simply because it may not be popular; that would be weak. The mentality of pouting because one does not hear what they want to and justifying pouting/whining by saying others agree with your position is what needs to be changed.
You’re right about this. Don’t ask the question if you’re not prepared to act upon the answer.
This!
You expect her to thank you for being honest? Honesty is a bare minimum. Expected from decent humans. You don’t get a free pass from consequences of hurtful words just cause you normally lie and this time you decided to be honest. Grown ass men know that honesty has consequences, but their integrity is worth it.
You’re right honesty has consequences. If that means I take a L, so be it. But there’s a mature way to deal out consequences and an immature way. I’m not asking for a Thank You for being honest because you’re right; a real man is a man of their word. (And I don’t see the point of lying anyway.) That said, if I approach you with the truth in a respectful, mature way, I expect said consequences in a respectful, mature way.
If honesty without adverse reactions / response were a non-issue, you would not find individuals looking for credit for being honest.
” If honesty without adverse reactions / response were a non-issue, you would not find individuals looking for credit for being honest.”
+1 People say they want honesty but routinely punish people for being honest. Not fully disclosing how you feel is just another way of picking and choosing your battles. Cause make no mistake, when you make it a point to always tell the truth and always answer controversial questions (knowing d*mn well that person doesn’t want your honest answer) then you’re most certainly gonna get verbally attacked and have to battle.
+1000!
*dead*
i don’t throw tantrums. i respect truth.
i agree, we do not need to agree, and i do not seek other people’s point of views to validate my own. i refuse to bring other people into my relationships, because they project their lives all over mine. and that’s just asking for a world of trouble.
i have to be honest. i am so disappointed in a man i admire. he taught me courage and strength and trust and love—and for this, my gratitude goes beyond words. but to learn that he, himself, did not have the courage to be straight with me because he knew that meant i would leave, that just broke my heart because i want so badly to believe he is a better man than he is being.
and, to be fair, this goes both ways. i’m not laying this on men just because it happened to me like, umm, yesterday (smile). i know that honesty is a challenge when you to have things both ways.
Todd brings up an excellent point. I don’t mind hearing the truth. Yes, it hurts, but if I ask for it, I want it, but not every female is like that. I know plenty of women who do exactly what Todd did. They want the guy to be real to them but when he is suddenly he’s the biggest a**h*le in the world. So make up your damn mind on what do you want already. You want honesty or not? I’ve had several full-blown fights with female friends over this.
*who did exactly what Todd said
“‘i don’t know’ is the cover story for ‘i don’t have the courage to tell you what you don’t want to hear so i am going to pretend i am clueless in order to string you along for as long as i can.’”
Preach!
Nah! Most likely that “I don’t know” is code for “I ain’t trying to get into a 2 hour conversation and 3 hour fight as soon as I get home, woman. Especially when I haven’t even got off my feet or eaten.”
*lmao rotflmao*
” Most likely that “I don’t know” is code for “I ain’t trying to get into a 2 hour conversation and 3 hour fight as soon as I get home, woman. Especially when I haven’t even got off my feet or eaten.”
Ha! Stop tellin all our secrets man lol
Real talk, you give me some chicken and let me take my shoes off and get comfortable, and I’m with you until I fall asleep, or my shows come on, or until I have to pee.
Note to self- When a man is relaxed, “I don’t know” is not an option.
Rod. That one had me cracking up. I’m wit you until I have to pee. LMAO for real over that one.
Did I just read a Zane novel?
If you tend to do 1 and 2, you need to make up for them by not doing 5. Okay, so you ate my food and drank my grapefruit juice, you need to remember that I asked you to replace them and then actually replace them.
So we didn’t make a homerun last night, it’s okay (sometimes), I enjoyed the intimacy of it all more anyway…But please don’t forget it’s my birthday and expect to come over empty handed expecting to stir the mac and cheese.
“But please don’t forget it’s my birthday and expect to come over empty handed expecting to stir the mac and cheese.”
LOL!
Teachers have the week off, so don’t ask me why I’m on here this late in the AM.
lmbo
I don’t know about number 4. I approached my husband…lol. but i do know that if a man was interested they will let you know. but mastering the balance between looking inviting and looking easy is the key…lol. If you are chasing a man, it is not worth it, they don’t want you at least not the way you want them. Now they will let you chase them but believe me it won’t end up in the relationship you want.
I know one legitimately f&#^ed up thing that I do to a woman- and quite frankly, I’m justified in doing it.
When I don’t answer a phone call or unplug the phone. I’m trying to sleep, and I am not interested in hearing about their day at work, who theydon’t like and what latest gossip that they may have heard. Besides…all they’re going to do is call back later repeatedly until I pick up the phone- just so i have to hear them air out their grievances with everything and everybody.
“Can you think of any other legitimately f*cked up things all men regularly do to women?”
Why yes, yes I can.
1. Avoiding the provision of direct answers to any question for which he cannot gauge my intention.
2. Playing the ambiguity game (as if he won’t get dropped).
3. Eating whatever he wants with no repercussions (and while I sit there and eat with you…well you already know, LOL.)
4. Finishing off food and/or toiletries without telling me they’re gone. (I got my mouth all fixed for Kool-aid and there ain’t no damn sugar. How all the laundry detergent gone in two weeks? It’s supposed to last 90 loads.)
“Ghosts of Ikea” was IT.
“Ghosts of Ikea” was IT.
LOL, so much comedic gold in this post. He had me at the mac n cheese sound.
I hate that with a passion…but I am also guilty of that too sometimes. :-/
Lessee, #1 never happens. I vote early and often, but I do get a little disappointed if he’s not up for seconds.
#2, men usually complain that I have too much food and to stop feeding them. Plus I don’t keep a lot of snacks. You’re getting fried chicken mashed potatoes and peach pie till you can’t move.
3. Meh, I’m a flirt, my daddy is a flirt, don’t mean nothing but a grin and a wink. But if that beyotch tries to bake you a cake, Ima get stabby.
4. Grind my gears! I hate misinformation, manipulation. *shakes fist at the room* men and their bs games….
5. Also Meh. You forget my birthday, anniversary, I’m just gonna forget yours and we can go through the whole year celebrating nothing. I’ll forget Christmas, too.
#2, men usually complain that I have too much food and to stop feeding them. Plus I don’t keep a lot of snacks. You’re getting fried chicken mashed potatoes and peach pie till you can’t move
Wait. You feedin ninjas like DAT?!? Dat’s what I’m talkin bout…See most older women know how to get and keep a mature brotha. Feed em, f*ck em, and shut da f*ck up. Most young minded, 2012 indepedent women gonna hand her man a hot pocket, juice box and tell him bon appetit. Her code is feed me, f*ck me and where da f*ck u been? Bravo Wild Cougar…Bravo.
” Most young minded, 2012 indepedent women gonna hand her man a hot pocket, juice box and tell him bon appetit.”
*lmao!!!!!!!*
“Most young minded, 2012 indepedent women gonna hand her man a hot pocket, juice box and tell him bon appetit.”
I’m pushing dasies right now!
Heck, for a LOT of these women, a Hot Pocket is too much to ask for. LOL
ah… the entitlement…
i’ll throw the eff down if you prove yaself worthy of it.
hell.. if i share my momma’s food with you #wegotogether
“Most young minded, 2012 indepedent women gonna hand her man a hot pocket, juice box and tell him bon appetit.”
For the record, we’re in a recession and gas is going up. You better savor that Hot Pocket if I bought it for you.
With the recession, the hot pocket has now become ramen noodles!
LOL, y’all ninjas too good to eat Hot Pockets now? GD
Nope. If I warm it up…MYSELF! lol. But listen, feeding your man is essential to the healthy development of tha relationship. He ain’t askin you to cook a hearty meal ERRDAY, but at least 2 or 3 times a week. And tha times you don’t cook, then we’ll eat out but don’t have that man on tha corner with a sign talkin bout “Will f*ck for food”
” And tha times you don’t cook, then we’ll eat out but don’t have that man on tha corner with a sign talkin bout “Will f*ck for food”
Teach them! Plus if you eat, why would you have him in your house, your life and you won’t cook and feed him? And hot pockets are just a snack. As little as I am, I would think I wasn’t loved if anyone older than elementary school age gave me a hot pocket. Why do a man like that?
Cooking = love & affection
A hot pocket implies you are stingy with love.
“A hot pocket implies you are stingy with love.” = sh*t bougie people say.
LOL, y’all are ungrateful. How you know I didn’t spend my last $3 to get you those Hot Pockets? That’s love.
yeah…i dunno about this assumption either.
if your visit was a surprise and all i have in my house is what i have…and i still share or give you the last one.. that aint nuffin to sneeze at!
If you love him and don’t want to go hungry, tell him before he eats your hot pockets too lmao
WIP is crackin me up over here, even though I’m #teamcookedmeal
but I don’t have this problem because I don’t date broke chicks 
I you spent your last 3 bucks on a hot pocket, I’d place the hot pocket back into the freezer and take us out to eat. It would be the humane thing to do
“But listen, feeding your man is essential to the healthy development of tha relationship. He ain’t askin you to cook a hearty meal ERRDAY, but at least 2 or 3 times a week.”
key words = a healthy relationship.
if all you and i are doing is smangin and dating – don’t expect gourmet when you haven’t put in the gourmet time. it’s gotta be more than good d that gets you fresh pancakes.
and oh… sometimes a girl wants to eat too without having to cook, so this is def a 2 way street. but again… too many fellas (not ALL) expect their woman to cook/throw down and not learn how to do the same in return.
Communicate that to the man beforehand.
“We are here just to smang, not to hang out and have you eat up all my food” lmao
I am 24 (born in ’88), which I believe means I am included in this younger generation… and let me tell you something, I have never touched a hot pocket or ramen noodles in my life. I cook like a champ and my baby gets to eat like one too. But Tx10inch, GUYS HAVE TO COOK FOR WOMEN TOO!! I do not know more than two men who can actually cook a delicious meal… most men expect women to drown them with praise when they know how to boil water. It is a huge turn on when a man can cook healthy, delicious food for me, because it shows he cares, knows my preferences, and is trying to impress me. Even better, lets just cook together each day! It’s fun, we bond, we eat quicker… everybody is happy.
Uh, no sir. You get food if you f*ck me when and how I want and listen to me when I want to talk and hang out with me with your clothes on. Brunch and sh*t. You don’t get home cooking for having a d*ck. I don’t shut up for any damn man I don’t care what you want. Tell me to shut up too many times, Ima shut up for good.
All I’m saying is… talk and cook at the same time. Women are supposed to be better at multitasking than men, and I know I can (and will) do it.
Ninja please. I will not have ANY man telling me when to talk. Period. You don’t like the number of words coming out of my mouth, go find a mute b*tch.
” All I’m saying is… talk and cook at the same time. ”
ROTFLMAO!!!! That ish kilt me dead!!!
Just turned my desk into “dead ninja storage.”
#2, men usually complain that I have too much food and to stop feeding them. Plus I don’t keep a lot of snacks. You’re getting fried chicken mashed potatoes and peach pie till you can’t move.
This makes me want to become a man or a lesbian or be in a polygamous relationship with you and some guy. I love fried chicken, I loved mashed potatoes, and you can eat all the pie.
” and you can eat all the pie.”
pause….you’re assuming a lot about WC’s sexuality no? lol
You can be sister wife if you wash dishes. I hate washing dishes. As for eating pie, guuuuuurl, well get the man to eat it.
#4 cracks me the hell up. I hope their woman does the silent “no don’t listen to him” head shake when that happens. lmao
Mistakes women make:
Letting him in the house empty-handed. If he doesn’t come with a case of soda, two whole pizzas or something equivalent, don’t let him in the house! *lmao*
hmmm… I don’t know if I agree with this one. If I invite you over and I want you to bring something, I’ll just ask you. If you offer, that’s good, too.
But I wouldn’t keep him outside in the cold for showing up empty-handed…especially since there might be a time or three that I show up to your house empty-handed.
I said that because folks were complaining that when he comes over, he eats up all his food and her food and the food in the refrigerator too. lmao
“4. Intentionally give awful dating advice
My favorite is when men suggest that, since it’s the 21st century, chicks need to “woman up” and start approaching guys.
Nevermind the fact that no man in the history of mandom has ever been in a happy and healthy relationship with a woman who approached, bagged, and pursued him. We’re generally lazy motherf*ckers who just enjoy when women put in some of the work…even though these “working” women probably aint ever gonna make it past the 2am Wendy’s drive-thru.”
1000x thank you. I’ve actually been in debates with confused chicks who took awful dating advice and stupid urban legends to heart just because “a male friend said it so it must be true.” I know this may seem fun to you guys, but please take a bite out of crime and stop the insanity.
This post brings to mind something I overheard one male coworker say to the another…”it’s a miracle that chicks stay with us.” Then he belched and scratched his crotch…okay, the second part isn’t true, but it would have been a nice way to punctuate the point.
Given all of these automatic habits of men, there’s one thing that all men do that I really appreciate. They know the difference between a woman who loves him for what she *knows* he is vs. a woman who is in love with what she *thinks* he is. Although the latter is tempting, many men are wise enough to prioritize the former.
” Given all of these automatic habits of men, there’s one thing that all men do that I really appreciate. They know the difference between a woman who loves him for what she *knows* he is vs. a woman who is in love with what she *thinks* he is. Although the latter is tempting, many men are wise enough to prioritize the former. ”
I appreciate that men notice this.
Thanks, but this know-how is usually won through experience. Have one woman pissed off that the waterfall she thought was there wasn’t, and the resulting scorn will have you see the error of your ways.
The mac & cheese comment has kilt me. *snickers*
Give a one word answer as a response to a whole 4 page letter that your woman sent you.
*lmao*
Or when we are having the “we need to talk” talks and she explaining her feelings for 30 minutes and I just say ok when she’s finished.
*lmao dead*
Word.
I feel like I wanna hang out with Rod & Breazy. I could learn a lot from you two, LOL! And the 1-word response to 4pg letter? #classic. A guy did this to my best friend and she is still hurt about it….but I don’t really get what she’s mad at.
” but I don’t really get what she’s mad at.”
her life…
Yeah once that happens the room goes quieter than Yung Berg’s career and then I walk away.
I enjoy one word answers: “Yes.”
I’m hella guilty of that….it is just that sometimes I don’t see the point of giving my opinion when it seem the girl made up her mind
we hate that!!!
That might be annoying to the recipient of the one word response, but I don’t think it’s legitimately f***ed up. Refusing to accept someone’s pointless rambling is a good way to deal with some folks.
This makes me think of the Dave Chappelle skit, the “Wrap it up” box, man I wish I had one in real life.
Preach, brotha!
LOL I started doing that now to both men and women. I know it irritates the girls and surprises the dudes. Oh well LOL
You must know my ex.
YES!!! This will make you want to drive to his house, club him about the head and neck and then drive back home. ugh!
If we send a long heartfelt text and we get a ‘Ok” response back.
Guys who claim they never got our text or phone call
Forgetting my birthday, anniversary etc, but expecting SOME that night
and speaking of SOME, #1 gets me everytime. If You’re gonna be quick about it, why not just beat off before the action
Aye… I have Sprint. At any given time during the day there is a very good chance that I won’t get your text or your message.
Yes, Diva. Men drive me crazy with the “lost” texts/messages. This is 2012 (although I almost typed 2011, smh) and technology is a bit too advanced for me to accept that my messages are just somehow not reaching you when they manage to get through to everyone else.
It’s 2012 but Sprint is still Sprint, and Verizon’s network still hasn’t worked out this whole 3G/4G thing. #ijs
reminds me of this sh*t black guys say skit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmQN8eMeKBw
#1 isnt much of an issue for me now,
but #2? my husband is the king of that shyt. that shyt pisses me all the way the f!ck off.
especially when i buy something he typically doesnt eat.
and dont let me have gone out for luch or something and bring left overs home?
i cant tell you how many times i have gone to the refrigerator looking for a specific something that this ninja done ate!!!!!
I dont got mad just sitting here thinking about it..
I
shay-d-lady
I’ll take your #2 and raise you with:
I understand that you bought the cheesecake but baby let someone eat it BEFORE it begins to mold! I can’t count the number of items that we throw out that my wife has bought that no one has touched (because it’s hers) that she doesn’t eat!!! I can’t stand to throw money away.
” I can’t count the number of items that we throw out that my wife has bought that no one has touched (because it’s hers) that she doesn’t eat!!! I can’t stand to throw money away.”
Bingo! That’s what I used to tell my sister and my ex ALL THE TIME! And yes that’s a valid reason for me to eat your food. I operate on the 24 hour rule. If you miss the deadline, you might as well forget about them leftovers. lol
#2 reminds me of the constant ire I felt growing up with my little brother. I predict that living with a man is like this. This helps me to savor my single status while it lasts.
“especially when i buy something he typically doesnt eat.”
WORD! I have a male roommate. He does this all the time. I go “you don’t even like that!” and he says “but I was hungry.” I want to yank him by his beard and put his head in the toilet.
conclusion: it’s chicks’ fault for having low (or no) standards and tolerating dudes who really just see them as receptacles. but nothing will change, lol. keep spreading the legs, complaining, and spreading the legs again
Men act reckless towards women because they can.
For instance, instead of saying you’re interested and promising to contact soon, simply say goodbye now when you mean it. Especially after a woman explains to you how the act is inconsiderate and mean when you don’t call in 2 days and you promised to call tommorrow.
You adjust your behavior.
Then, it’s reckless, inconsiderate, and neglectful when you promise to contact soon again and it’s been a year. You meant goodbye now.
Stop being reckless with people because you can.
“Men act reckless towards women because they can.”
I think they do some of these things because they genuinely do not believe that these things are wrong. They know that women may not like these things, but they don’t see them as “wrong.” A man might temporarily adjust his behavior to get what he wants (peace from you, and/or a piece from you), but that does not change the fact that he fundamentally believes that “you need to stop trippin” over what he sees as perfectly normal.
Hmm, I see it differently, I think people say things like “I’ll call you”, etc becuase they are too nice to tell the truth. I think it’s a little bit of ‘too nice-ness’ with a sprinkle of cowardice.
If you tell the truth that you won’t be contacting this woman anymore, sure her pride will be hurt and all that, but she’ll at least know where she stands with you, and she’ll move on quicker. But using nice words to mask your true feelings will leave her hanging on and waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Not cool. That’s just one of the many ways perfectly nice people become jaded and bitter.
Yes yes, y’all.
re:Royale with Cheese’s comment on men.
” Hmm, I see it differently, I think people say things like “I’ll call you”, etc becuase they are too nice to tell the truth. I think it’s a little bit of ‘too nice-ness’ with a sprinkle of cowardice.”
Sometimes…often times he may be debating in his mind whether or not pursuing something with you would be worth the time and hassle, or he may be busy with other things in life (or other women) but hasn’t ruled you out yet. Yall know how we men value our options. We’re not about to throw one away for the sake of closure #wheredeydodatat
Woman’s equivalent of sin #4…giving passive aggressive dating advice. “you need to do xyz to make up for alla ya’ll generally not being sh**”
More for the list:
Women: Not telling him that she still talks to her ex (and they have no kids together).
Men: Not being enthusiastic about shopping with her, not because he doesn’t love her but because he doesn’t want to sit on a sofa holding her purse and bags.
Women: Making him take her all the way home early from a party/sporting event he’s enjoying because they have beer, the game is on and tons of food because she has to poop and doesn’t want to poop anywhere except at home.
Men: Remembering his mama’s birthday but not her birthday.
Women: Expecting him to have the same logic & understanding of an issue as your girlfriends.
“Expecting him to have the same logic & understanding of an issue as your girlfriends.”
Can you contact King James and have him include this passage in the Bible? Please?
#runs through office like church scene in the Blues Brothers yelling yes lawd
Not the Blues Brothers! lmao
This is the truth. I’ve got less than half of the emotions a woman has, and a few they don’t (hungry is an emotion for me, damnit!) so please don’t expect me to react the same as you or the homegirls you don’t talk to anymore.
Were you in my home last week? LOL I caught my wife on some BS (with not just that, but some other stuff as well), and she was surprised that I fell back from her. Wow playa…
This made me think of if you wrote a book called “How to Survive Marriage” and got all that out your chest.
“Women: Expecting him to have the same logic & understanding of an issue as your girlfriends.”
*Does the Holy Spirit Crip walk while listening to “One Nation Under a Groove” *
I LOVE the pop culture references made on this board. lmao
And I’ve seen George Clinton and his very high band do that song live.
As a flipside of # 2: One thing women do that is fawked up is saying they don’t want any of the food or drink you are getting or making when offered, waiting until you’re two bites/sips in, asking if they can have some and eating/drinking half the ish. Dammit!..you should have gotten your own when offered.
LOL, It seems like his plate always looks better than mine.
Haha! I do this A LOT!! And yes, any guy that’s close to me has been a victim. My dad, my brothers, bf, cousins, even a couple of my guy friends have dealt with this. There’s something about food on a man’s plate that just makes it seem better/tastier/healthier/fresher than mine.
Also, the closer I am to you, the less likely I am to ask before invading your plate. I wait quietly until your attention is somewhere else and then wham! Half your plate is gone! I think it’s a sign of love
@SheWhoMustBeObeyed, love it! I am the same. Stealing your plated food is our revenge for you clearing out our pantry… besides, we really just wanted a few bites, so why the hell would we get an entire order for ourselves?
I have been guilty of this, dospesos, especially when a guy is guilty of #2. Payback is my style lol
This has absolutely nothing to do with this post (hilarious and absolutely true BTW) but since he vaguely mentioned it… As an athlete (a basketball player no less) and a pop culture writer, Champ should post his thoughts on Jeremy Lin and this whole Linsanity business.
I’m so used to #1 that I just surrendered to the idea that sex is just something to do when there’s nothing else to do or when I want something from a guy, like for him to go to the grocery store to get me cookies. It’s not like I really enjoy it at this point.
this makes me REALLY sad and im tempted to set you up with um.. some of my exes who might change ya mind about that.
It’s not THAT sad, I mean I do get some awesome cookies out of this. Who doesn’t want a personal maid at 2 a.m.?
LOL, she needs a “professional” to lift her spirits.
DEUCE BIGOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. I’m with Keisha. You need some better men in your life, preferably much less selfish.
I had a pretty good, non-selfish guy in my life, but the fire isn’t there at the moment. It’s time for him to fan the flames again! LOL
As for number 3, I would say that despite men being given the role of the stoic gender, Men actually crave attention and like their ego to be boosted. So yeah, I will return your flirtatious advances but if I am not into you that’s where it stops boo I am not pursuing it further. What can I say its a selfish world. Hahaha @ laughing at jokes that aren’t funny. You know I do this all the time.
I disagree with you on number 4, Of course ladies should reciprocate. Personally I think I am in a state of mind where I would not dare attempt to move mountains and bring the sky down for you no matter how much I “love” you unless I see some reciprocation of my affection. Hell, we preach gender equality. Why dont we as well practice it in relationships.
Random: So, upon first glance of the post picture, I thought that was dude was D’Angelo Barksdale for a hot second…
( ._.)
I’m cracking up at the link for Chris Brown in his outfits, and the fire hydrant on a hot day. lmbo
#5 is the reason I contemplate murder daily. Don’t use the same oxygen to tell me you can’t remember something I said yesterday and then turn around and recite your entire life as a 6-year old. Just don’t.
Does this really happen, I can pace myself. Perhaps playing Russian roulette with my peen when I was younger allowed me to always finish the job.
#1-I will never call you ever again. Your future chances are way down!!