Lists, Theory & Essay

five great ways to charm a man

two weeks ago, p expertly outlined five ways to charm a woman, a list which detailed exactly how to get a woman all brazilianrainforesty down there without even touching her. thing is, women arent the only ones who can be charmed. although it usually doesnt take much more than a nice atwr (ass-to-waist ratio) to get us all verklempt down there, there are a few simple things a woman can do to exponentially increase her long-term relationship stock.

so, without further adieu, here are five quick and simple ways to charm a man

*****note: ladies, the following five are only to be performed with guys who have expressed a real interest in you. do not, i repeat, DO NOT, try any of this with the dude you met at rock the bells last weekend or the married cat you’ve been f*cking. end of note.*****

1. let him “catch” you, ummm, you know.

scenario:

its nighttime, and you’re both chillin at his apartment. since it’s late and his crib is only a 10 minute drive from your job, you’re spending the night. you’ve showered already, and you’re just sitting there, messing around on the internet when he announces that he’s gonna hop in the shower real quick.

now, you already know that you’re gonna get some tonight. shit, you’re planning on it…thats the only reason why your ass is spending the night in his hot ass, no snack sans for granola bars having ass apartment, “closer drive to work” my ass. you also know that the festivities will probably start soon after he gets out the shower and hops into bed.

so what do you do?

start without him.

yup. you read it right. start “poppin the pepsi can” while his ass is still in the shower, so that when he exits the bathroom the first sight he sees is a woman so horny and so thirsty for it that she couldnt even wait for him to finish his 240 second rabbit shower. dont be demure about that sh*t either. pop that can like you’re getting paid for it.

***if my description is too vague, basically act in a way that she…

…would have***

if he’s already digging you, and you do sh*t like that on a semi-regular basis, i’m not saying he’ll propose to you, or even suggest the thought of that to you aloud, but best believe, he’ll damned sure be thinking “yo this chick is a freakin slut. damn. maybe i need to marry her ass”

2. give him compliments, and say “thanks” every once in a while

it may not seem like a big deal, but little stuff like this lets us know that we’re appreciated, and we appreciate knowing that we’re appreciated. you’d be surprised how far a small “thanks for picking me up from work the other day” or a “those new shoes you bought are hot. seriously, i’m impressed” can go.

seriously.

3. wear his clothes

maybe this is just my own personal thing, but it seriously does something to me when a woman uses one of my old t-shirts as her night shirt or spends a lazy saturday lounging around my crib wearing nothing but one of my college sweatshirts. theres nothing better than a night of monkey matrix sex followed by waking up to your chick making eggs and sh*t while she’s rocking one of your summer league basketball shirts from 2002.

4. be funny

ladies, seriously, if a guy is digging you, and you have the ability to send him a six word text at work that makes him laugh uncontrollably for the next 30 minutes, honestly, thats like 27% of what makes a great relationship right there. if you’ve been cursed with the unfunny gene, at least have the ability to get jokes and recognize humor. you know he likes bill simmons, so email him a link to his latest podcast. make your own version of the aristocrat joke, and recite it to him. even if it bombs terribly, he’ll appreciate the effort, and give you unprompted cunninglingus to thank you for it

5. create something

write a poem. draw a picture. make a mixtape. do something that is completely unique to you two and your relationship. you could have bought that cologne for anyone, but that mix you made for him with all the unreleased wu tracks from 93 to 98 is something based on his tastes that you knew he’d personally appreciate, and he’ll definitely let you sleep in the dry spot for the rest of the month because of it.

thats it. five simple things. now go and make the champ proud.

—the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://thebeautifulstruggler.com Sister Toldja

    This is the best time of day for me to post cause I know I can be heard!

    1) Flag on the play for the worst.use.ever. of the word verkempt!

    2) Can I make a request, for those of us who have no current boos or boo prospects, that you engage a discussion about things that women can do A) when they meet a BRAND new man to entice him and B) tips for single ladies on the prowl.

    • http://www.myspace.com/yummit Treezy F. Baby

      My thoughts exactly on that B note.

    • http://www.myspace.com/miss_kade Misskbs

      Thank you! I was just thinking the same thing…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      for b), the only real advice i can give a woman is to be the triple A

      attractive
      approachable
      available

      lol…theres really nothing else to it. seriously.

      and, ummm, stop hating on my use of verkempt

      • http://rantsofawildchild.wordpress.com/ ladebelle

        did we all mean verklempt?

        • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

          @ ladebelle~thank you cause I was thinking the same thing.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            ummm, english nazi 1 and 2, if you look in my actual entry, i spelled it correctly.

            assholes

            • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

              if you spelled it correctly the first time then the second shouldn’t be a problem now should it? Be consistent!

              a$$hole? really? has it some to that?

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “a$$hole? really? has it some to that?”

                yes, it definitely has SOME to that, lol

              • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

                I hate you!

            • Kitsune

              “ummm, english nazi 1 and 2, if you look in my actual entry, i spelled it correctly.”

              No use of Yiddish words and references to Nazis in the same sentence Champ. You can sit in the corner for that one.

    • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      TOLDJA…I love you!! I was thinking it, but glad I wasn’t the first to say…on top of the fact that when I am “boo’d up” I do all 5 of those things…and yet…here I type…a boo-less womder…lol…so…I am coming to the conclusion that it’s not me…it’s them…I blame these boys’ mamas! (not really, but really??)

      • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        @ Goody Goody Gum drops, careful who you blame, “blame these boys’ mamas! (not really, but really??)” One day you will be that MAMA!

        Just sayin’

        • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          HEDO…that’s why I said “not really, but really”.. I have a son…and even though he’s only 4.75yrs old…at some point..he is going to go through his “ain’t bout sh*t” phase and embarass me with his ni99ardly behavior…but I am doing what I can to raise him with good sense so that when that phase is over…and his MAN LAMP comes on to illuminate all that is beautiful and good about genuinely loving someone…he will be able to represent his mama’s name..and be that GOODENESS…ya dig?

  • Zahra

    I don’t know about the rest…but 2 sounds pretty reasonable to me…everyone loves compliments!

    Guys hardly EVER get compliments so when you do…you’ll really stick in their minds…yeah!!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “everyone loves compliments!”

      this is true. now, im not saying that every other sentence has to be “you look great today”, “you’re so funny”, or “your wang tastes like a coldstone shake” but a couple every once in a while definitely gets you points

      • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

        “your wang tastes like a coldstone shake” is wrong on ALL sorts of levels!

      • miss t-lee

        your wang tastes like a coldstone shake”

        Holy cow. I’m CTFU over here.
        dayum!

    • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      Zahra…I think men deserve to be (and feel) appreciated…a woman wouldn’t be expected to exist in a place where she doesn’t feel valued…why should a man?

      sistuh! let me teach you the VSB(angingest) secret handshake!!

    • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      I’ve said it before I will say it again, Stroke a man’s Dyck and you will have him for the night, stroke his ego and you will have him for EVER! (well maybe not forever but you know what I mean)

  • Zahara

    Oops..meant Zahara

  • http://www.myspace.com/regalmuse Muse

    From personal experience men LOVE LOVE LOVE a great home cooked meal. To them it’s better than going out because so many women don’t know how to cook delicious meals these days. I enjoy cooking and that’s one of my little weapons paired with my crazy humor to win them over. However I have to like a guy a lot to cook for him.

    • Shay-d-lady

      I co sign. Cooking his favorite meal+wearing one of his t-shirts +playing your own personal slow jam mix tape= mind blowing, toe curling sex, hopefully on the kitchen counter or floor or bent over the sink.. or so I heard….LMAO

      • sisanda

        (In a Katt Williams Tone) That’s my shiiiiiiiiiiittt, Goddddd damnnnitt!!

        God bless you woman

      • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        SHAY-D! ***high five*** I love that kitchen “cooking”!! I even have a mirror on the wall behind the stove…(cuz I loke to watch) but I have yet to use it…

        • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

          Mirror……behind my favorite spot in the house…….Give me the address! I am going to save it in my Tom Tom right now! LOL!

          • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

            Tom Tom…

            That made me spit out my raspberry gingerale

    • aja

      amen Muse..i found that out to be very true..if you can work it in the kitchen..thats just as good as workin it in the bedroom..

    • Alicia

      “From personal experience men LOVE LOVE LOVE a great home cooked meal.”

      Or if you can’t cook, just look so sexy trying to and he won’t give a damn what you cook or how it tastes…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Or if you can’t cook, just look so sexy trying to and he won’t give a damn what you cook or how it tastes…”

        looking sexy while doing shit goes a very long way.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      yeah, i didnt mention anything about cooking (or sex) because i thought these were “goes without sayings”, lol.

  • knk

    well champ this is a good list but I think its more of what YOU like. I think the compliments are always nice. The others are okay but I don’t believe the other four would really matter that much. I thought the first one was going to head in a different direction like let the man do the chasing don’t chase the man. just my opinion though.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “well champ this is a good list but I think its more of what YOU like. I think the compliments are always nice. The others are okay but I don’t believe the other four would really matter that much”

      i know i put a bit of a personal touch in there, but you’d be surprised. i bet the majority of the men who respond to this today will say that my list was on point

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        Yeah i have to agree with the Champ. Even though he has his personal touch in there, men are men. it doesn’t really vary much.

    • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      KNK… I thought so too.. I thought he was going to say something like…turn the bathroom light off…get in the shower with him…and give him a tongue bath…or…ummmm…you know something like that…

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        Whoa! Shit mutha fucka GOD DAMMIT!!!

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

      what you gotta understand about men is that for the most part dudes all respond to the same shit. Men are not as complicated as women like to overthink.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “what you gotta understand about men is that for the most part dudes all respond to the same shit.”

        ***santa ana mater dei***

        • Kitsune

          ***santa ana mater dei***

          Santa Ana! Whoop whoop!

          Sorry…carry on…

  • knk

    of course I forgot cooking. Men love to eat so cooking a nice meal like mama used to would be Great

    • http://www.myspace.com/regalmuse Muse

      I like to find out my guy’s favorite meal and master it. Cooking is very therapeutic for me and it’s a great opprotunity to bond. I know…I’m weird LOL.

      • http://goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

        MUSE..you aren’t wierd..you rock! I had my mother in law teach me how to make the ex-husband’s favorite foods…you know before he was the ex-husband and sh*t…lol…I think men appreciate the effort just as much (if not more) than women do…

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          Goodeness says: “I think men appreciate the effort just as much”

          This is true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

    3. wear his clothes…

    Do scrubs count? : )

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      lol…you’re funny.

      yeah, they do

      • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

        “3. wear his clothes”

        this is a violiation against polyester and cotton right here sorry..in the words of hall and oats “I can’t go for that…no can do”.

        • shay

          dead @ the hall and oates reference.

          • miss t-lee

            Now I’m humming the bassline…dayum.

          • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

            my musical mind is partly stuck in the late 70s to mid 80s.

        • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

          im confused…what?

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            yeah, me too.

            i havent had my toast and tea yet though, so my brain isnt fully awake

            • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

              What kinda tea? Earl Grey??

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                theres a tea company right down there street from my apartment, that produces something like 500 different flavors of tea, including, my favorite, green cherry. they have free giveaways like once a month where they let people sample the new tea flavors for free, and they also give you free donuts and crackers.

                i’m also convinced that the store is a front for the mob, but i dont care.

                (i’m making this all up, btw)

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                I know Earl Gray. He used to sell mixtapes and stuff on the block back in the day

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “I know Earl Gray. He used to sell mixtapes and stuff on the block back in the day”

                is this the same earl gray that starred in that one episode of “franks place”?

              • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

                Naw the only tv he has done was was the local crime stoppers after he robbed dem people. He cusses too much to be on prime time.

        • laylah

          now i have that damn song stuck in my head. “no… i cant go for that, oh oh oh”. shit.

    • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      I used to love wearing my ex’s scrubs and he loved it too. nothing underneath made breakfast real fun… or so I heard

      • genius khan

        “…nothing underneath made breakfast real fun… or so I heard”

        or so u heard my as$ Hedo. i see u chica. weak in the knees huh?

    • WestIndianArchie

      ^^^I’m dating a Nurse-vertisment

      ;)

      • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

        Everybody wearing their man’s scrubs???are people dating health care professionals big time now…or is hospital gear like late summer street fashion.
        NOW I’m confused.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Everybody wearing their man’s scrubs???are people dating health care professionals big time now…or is hospital gear like runway street-hospital fashion.”

          this made me spit out my toast

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

          Somebody please help me cram to understand…is it the drawstring waist…the inherent oversized-ness…something to make everyone feel ER-Grays-Anatomy-ish.

          Do yall feel like yall back in highschool disecting fetal pigs with the stench of formaldehyde.

          HELP…

          • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

            my ex was a nurses assistant (CNA) he was 6’6″ and athletic. He used to say how comfortable scrubs were all the time, one day after our mating ritual I threw his pants on as I went to the kitchen to make us lunch, and he never got them back. I still own some. They are uber comfy and look great with an oversized sweatshirt.

            • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

              ok…im not knocking the hustle. As long as there is some type of hospital connection.

              I was thinking that scrubs was now the 2008 ready to wear fall fashion.

              Are they worn outside too??? If I was wearing these outside of my home, I think I would get the sudden urge to save somebody like at the grocery store..

              “Ma’am you look faint..SECURITY get me 1 pint of chocolate chip ice cream, and some sugar cones, some crackers and some cheddar cheese…fiji spring water…STAT on isle 6…

    • genius khan

      Domonique do nurses (or doctors etc.) wear scrubs.

      dark choclate with the cherry inside. i c ya. mmh.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

        ???
        Yes, yes they do. Not during recreational hours tho. Unless…

        • genius khan

          yeah Domonique i was mad confusing in my placement and statement. …you found me though. that’s what’s good.

          anyways i think you asked somewhere, was it ok to do scrubs and what i was trying to reply that:

          [you] Do nurses (doctors etc.)

          …but you Wear Scrubs.

          more importantly thinking:

          i c ur dark choclate with the cherry inside.

          ssssssssweet…

  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    I think it’s a good list. Anytime I got a woman getting started with out me.. I’m tuned in for the show!

    #3 & #4 are just classics for me. If she does either one of those.. I’ll add her to my x-mas list.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I think it’s a good list. Anytime I got a woman getting started with out me.. I’m tuned in for the show!”

      yeah. i’d speak more about this but i still want the site to be somewhat worksafe

      • miss t-lee

        yeah. i’d speak more about this but i still want the site to be somewhat worksafe

        We appreciate that.
        At least, I do. ;)

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

    I have found the personlized gift to be very successful, especially since I am the queen o’ the mixtape!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “especially since I am the queen o’ the mixtape”

      hmmm. i need proof. you cant call yourself queen without giving at least one sample playlist

      • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

        So you basically sayin she needs mo’ people.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          yup!

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Alise

        Alright, no prob… what is your genreral music taste, bc that isn’t the point to make a personalized mixtape, it is custom…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Alright, no prob… what is your genreral music taste, bc that isn’t the point to make a personalized mixtape, it is custom…”

          lol…i’m f*ckin with you. dont worry about it. i’ll let you keep your title

          • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

            Precinate it… lol

  • Shay-d-lady

    I have never had my husband catch me “popping the Pepsi can” by the way where the hell did that phrase originate? I dont think I could ever do that. But I can definitely tell you the other stuff is dead on. My husband loves to come home and catch me in one of his oversized t-shirts, also I have gotten plenty of bonus points for buying those blank .99 cards and writing corny ass dirty limericks inside. Lastly, he takes pride in the fact that when his friends come over and we play cards, dominoes, watch the game etc that I can hold my own playing the dozens and telling jokes.

    • Shay-d-lady

      uhh so my husband just came in the room and I showed him the blog and my comment and he has demanded a revised note. Apparently he was not that impressed with my corny limericks, that was more of a ploy to get me than the reverse (apparently it worked LOL, oh well they worked the first two times maybe three times is the charm when recycling limericks!! (my husband is not happy with this new found knowledge). Also he said he only likes it when I wear his old t s hirts not his new ones. He highly recommended me trying out number one out though. He said the list should have been more along the lines of Chris Rocks… Feed me, f*ck me and if you can be funny while doing either then so be it….LMAO

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        wow, i’m impressed! VSB is adding a little freakiness to the marriage scene. that deserves an award right there! see, i love y’all married folks. :)
        btw, this is probably where The Champ would make one of his plugs like “VSB: making married folks get freaky since 1913″…lol.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “VSB: making married folks get freaky since 1913?…lol”

          comment stealer!!!!

      • miss t-lee

        “I dont think I could ever do that”

        You can do it. I have faith in you girlfriend!! :)

      • Shay-d-lady

        my husband woke up this morning and asked me if I really recycled the poems in the cards that I had given him. I am going to say that proves that he really did love them…LMAO

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I have never had my husband catch me “popping the Pepsi can” by the way where the hell did that phrase originate”

      at vsb.com, two weeks ago

      http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-v-test/

      • shay

        thats gangsta