Fashion Fo’ Paws

Posted on 25 February, 2011 by Panama Jackson

"Hey guys, we look good. Right?"

Vh1 Soul is one of my favorite channels. I love watching music videos. I only watch like three actual television shows and the rest of the time I’m watching movies or videos.

Like this video that’s currently on. It’s Kelly Price featuring Jermaine Dupri and Da Brat, “Secret Love Remix”. In this video, Da Brat shows that she’s a woman, Jermaine Dupri does Jermaine Dupri things from somewhere around 3 feet, and Kelly Price is committing more fashion faux pas than one person should be able to commit. For instance, in one sequence, she is dressed up as the biggest bottle of Pepto Bismol ever. My stomach feels better just looking at her. I’m not sure if that was the intent, but Kelly Price isn’t a small woman. If you’re going to wear one unified color AND make it glossy and be that big, you’re either going to be Kool-Aid or medicine. There’s no two ways about it.

Um, no shots fired to my big friends who really like to wear one piece outfits. You shouldn’t. But I wouldn’t judge you if you did.

So where am I taking you? Southwest.

Here we go. 911.

This video made me think about the myriad horrible fashion trends that existed because of rap videos and pop culture in general. Which of course got me to thinking about the worst fashion ideas to hit generation whicheveroneyoubelongto. Like…

1. Hammer pants

I believe there’s another more formal scientifc name for this: homos pantus. Seriously, hammer pants aren’t anything more than really droppy boxer briefs. Why on God’s green earth did people think that fashion choice was anywhere close to being cool. Hammer is quite evil actually. He had entire neighborhoods walking around looking like genies. Not even like the cool kind from Aladdin. The really gay ones from Oakland.

2. Lacefront weaves

This is only a really bad fashion choice because so many women get them wrong. I’m a pretty standard issue dude. That means that my ability to even recognize a weave is pretty non-existent until I see a track star fall from glory like Marion Jones. But there is no mistaking a bad lacefront weave. You know you can find a crackhead in some places and outfit your whole living room for 2o bucks and a bucket of chicken? I feel like there’s an entire undergound market of lacefront weavers who are giving women bad vajay. What does bad vajay mean? Exactly.

3. Ed Hardy

And I mean anything by Ed Hardy. All of it looks like a**. I could never fully understand why dudes kept wearing those fake tattoo sleeve shirts either. Maybe it’s because I know my father or something but I can’t get down with something that was clearly made for dolphins and walrus cubs to wear.

4. The African medallion phase

Look, this might be blasphemous and all but that was a really odd fashion statement. Mostly because, I’d wager more than half of the ninjas rocking medallions and Malcolm 10 hates couldn’t actually name a country in Africa. Which, ya know is cool if you’re not pretending to be down for the struggle. I don’t know…it’s reminiscent of everybody rocking Che Guevara shirts. Sure it was trendy, but if you can’t actually tell me where the cat on the shirt is from, why are you wearing the shirt? Maybe lack of knowledge is just a personal beef of mine but hey, I went to public school. I’m used to it.

5. Rocking overalls with one strap unfastened

I used to do it too. But it’s like every dude was just preparing for prison. “So this is what it feels like to have my clothes hanging loosely off of me with easy access.” I’m sure it all started because some cat in NYC decided to be different and it caught on like wildfire. Which is amazing if you think about it. It’s just one strap unfastened. Thing is, dudes shouldn’t be wearing overalls anyway. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’m pretty sure it has something do with sunflower seeds, lisps, and big guys named Al. But that’s just one man’s opinion, don’t pay me no mind.

Those are five random fashion trends that I think were just ridiculous. My people of the good VSB, what’s the worst fashion trend to hit fashion?

It’s Friday. Let ‘errr rip. Textiles.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

***Attn all***

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The night – which starts at 7 pm – also features renowned playwright, activist, educator, and social media maven Kimberly “Dr Goddess” Ellis, comedian and finalist for “Last Comic Standing” Jason “J-Russ” Russell, and more.

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Tickets are $10. Advance tickets can be purchased at Eventbrite.com (http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1320119513) for a 25% discount if you enter the code “DY”

Thanks!

S.O.D. 09

Bad Lacefronts….lmao.
- Sea Jay Bee
  
  Lacefronts are the devil
http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

The worst trend on a young Black girl’s scalp was those heavy azzed dookie braids. Rocked them with Cross Colours overalls, of course
- coldsweat3
  
  Damn Poetic Justice braids!!!
- E-vee-E
  
  lOl…dookie braids (aka “Patra” braids). My mom tried, but she failed with putting those in my head at a young age.
- hehe
  
  I love dookie braids! *tears*
- EmpressDivine
  
  LMAO!!! I loved my dookie braids! They were a pain in the azz to take out though. Plus those burnt ends were kinda scratchy. I’ve never rock them joints again but at the time I thought I was the $#!t.
- Deeds
  
  I remember when I had some dookie braids. U couldn’t tell my nothin.
- http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
  
  Yes, Janet Jackson braids. You know, I actually wanted to chop my hair off so I could wear them…ALL the black girls had those braids back then. You could pull them all tight to have chinky eyes AND don’t forget the gel baby hair.
  - http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress
    
    baby hair is essential to the soul…*drops mic*
- http://www.bellesandgentssociety.com Myssdee
  
  OMFG…yes
  Even though I have been guilty of having those big braids
  But you live and learn though…lmfao
- Tezzybaby
  
  Shouout to traction alopecia all day!!
  - Absolutely Ridiculous
    
    LMAO!!!
Leila

Men wearing skinny jeans
- WayUPThere
  
  “The score still 21-32?
  Yeah…just like your jean size”
  
  I’m with this. Co-sign to the max
  
  As a man, I never really thought the trend was cool, and I’m in NYC so ninjas (of all races) still haven’t dropped this trend yet. But I’m hoping that the miller light commercial making fun of skinny jeans will convince dudes to kill off this trend.
  
  No reason that a man should be fighting to get in his jeans.
  #notagoodlook
  - morvam
    
    The next man that makes me late for my train because I am walking behind him and he cannot walk due too skinny/or too baggy jeans..is gonna get cut! Plus most of these guys have huge asses. At least give a girl some eye candy while she plots your murder..sheesh.
    - V Renee
      
      Plus most of these guys have huge asses. .
      
      Yeah the number of big azzes on guys is rising daily. It’s actually a pretty terrifying thought. I’m scared.
      - k-steez
        
        Me too!!!! A big ass on a man just looks feminine. I’m a firm believer that the trend is a result of the hormones in chicken boxes and cow milk, lol! Welll…I’m only halfway joking!
        
        http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
        
        And the soy milk we’ve been feeding our lactose intolerant boys.
  - morvam
    
    The next man that makes me late for my train because I am walking behind him and he cannot walk due too skinny/or too baggy jeans..is gonna get cut! Plus most of these guys have huge asses. At least give a girl some eye candy while she plots your murder..sheesh.
    - Taylormay
      
      lol. what’s even worse is when the pants are skinny but they still have that no butt/ pancake booty sagging… pick skinny or baggy- you can’t have it both ways.
- whykendra
  
  ahh yes. especially in va. beach where pharell style had taken over. that was the skinny jeans, bright colors, oversized billionaire boys club hat combo.
  
  dude, youre so obvious.
- Girl Kanyeshrug
  
  Men who aren’t skinny wearing skinny jeans
  - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
    
    Or men who aren’t skinny with HIPS wearing skinny jeans.
    - WIP
      
      Or men who aren’t skinny with HIPS and guts wearing skinny jeans (Derrick J from RHOA)
    - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
      
      YAASSSSS!!! That is awful and hilarious all at once.
    - Classy6ft5
      
      I just pictured this in my head and made a face of disgust.
- Ivy St.
  
  What really gets me is sagging skinny jeans. WHY?!
  - TheAnti-Cool
    
    Nothing but the debil, I swear.
  - keisha brown
    
    it defies logic AND gravity.
  - amoly10
    
    Stopped lurking to Co-sign! WHY?!!
  - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
    
    They need daddies to beat them.
  - http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem of the Ocean
    
    as they said on “Beyond Scared Straight” last night, sagging aint nuffin but advertising *smh*
    
    #analrapeFTL
    - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
      
      HEAD BUSSA!!!!
      - http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem of the Ocean
        
        lmao i still hatechu btw
      - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
        
        Hahahahahaha!!!!!
        
        http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
        
        You need to be on twitter with us next week for Beyond Scared Straight.
        
        http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
        
        Will do.
    - kingpinenut
      
      lolololololol
      
      yo i saw a classmate on the shiaaaat…..
      
      smGdh
      - http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem of the Ocean
        
        no bueno.
        
        and while i laughed hysterically at some of these #BSS epis (and the fools on my twitter TL watching with me), the prison sitch is so unfortunate.
    - Racqs
      
      Gem, you just bout killed me!
      - http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem of the Ocean
        
        better me than Head Busssa!!!!!
        
        http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
        
        Or Bamberg, with his crazy a$$.
        
        http://twitter.com/nikkib1920 Capricorn
        
        I still think Diabla could punk most of the men in the other prisons. Gooch wins by default.
        
        And whats up with all the crazy women in the MD prisons?! Giving my state’s correctional system a bad name and ish.. lol!
http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

Malcolm 10. Heh.

I believe Ed Hardy to be the clothing equivalent of the “All of the Lights” video.

“5. Rocking overalls with one strap unfastened. I used to do it too.”

So did I. I was going through my tomboy-Aaliyah-All-Tommy Gear-airthang phase then, doe.
- http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
  
  ETA: The two guys on the far right. Why are they booty-grazing, doe?
  - TheAnti-Cool
    
    I have so many “Whys” about that picture I don’t even know where to begin. So I’ll just wait for some else to instead.
  - DQ
    
    That photo is so awkward, it makes people who aren’t born yet uncomfortable. I denounce guy-on-guy booty tangency. Y’all know what it means to be tangent right? #noWackaFlocka
    - naturalista88
      
      *Lmao*, you’re really trying to send me to an early grave aren’t you?
  - WIP
    
    I think they call it a “moon landing”. I’m sure someone caught that at some point in time.
    - Tezzybaby
      
      HaHa this reminds me of that episode of Modern Family with Camron and Jay in the locker room.
- http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
  
  Oh my goodness…THE AALIYAH PHASE!! Cheekie you brought me back. Waist fitted baggy pants, boxer briefs with the logo showing, long bang covering the side of my face, middriff shirts showing my belly, and belly chains! That was the day.
  - http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
    
    YESSSSSS.
    
    I was obsessed with her girly tomboy style. The way she made it look chexy was so cool to my 13 yr old self…
- Sea Jay Bee
  
  Exactly Cheekie! Ed Hardy has al of these bright colors, tattoo patterns which are interesting at first but after 35 sq.ft. of it on a shirt and jean outfit, you get visually exhausted and just wonder why dey do that?
  - http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
    
    Yup!
    
    I cannot with folks who wear clothes that work harder than them.
- Sea Jay Bee
  
  Oh yeah, I did have a pair of black denim Slick overalls…
  
  “…it’s Boyz 2 Men, ABC, BBD…the East Coast Family!!”
  - D
    
    Whatever happened to Sudden Impact?
- keisha brown
  
  LOL!!
  Aaliyah was my 1st thought with the overall thing.
  I beggggged my mom for a pair after the back and forth vid came out.
  rip.
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2cnmq3Wi9M
- WIP
  
  I recall owning a pair of overalls but the I killed the Aaliyah bang.
  - http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
    
    Right, I just thought I was HAWT when I got a fresh wrap… girrrrl…
- http://DamonLThomas.com Monk
  
  “I believe Ed Hardy to be the clothing equivalent of the “All of the Lights” video.”
  
  LOL!! This is how I feel. I catches your eye…but before you know it, it overkill. I do like the performance set ups in the video though…and the intro.
kaname

Giant puffy shoulder pads that made ladies look like linebackers back in the 80s
- Nameless for Now
  
  LOL, with the white Reeboks walking to work!!
- Deeds
  
  I was just watching some old episodes of the Golden Girls and looking at all of them wear those god awful shoulder pads. Yea, I don’t understood that one either.
  - WIP
    
    And Dorothy wearing those long cowl-neck, robe-length tops and jackets; that wardrobe department was a hot mess.
    - nilla wafer
      
      Seriously!!! WTF were those outfits about?!?!
- Sea Jay Bee
  
  …Queen Latifah was killin’ those shoulder pads back in the day.
  - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
    
    Hell yeah!
- Tezzybaby
  
  Say what you want, but there are some Cu-yute fitted blazers with shoulder pads in style now, a little different from the ones in the 80′s but pads none-the-less.
http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane

Like rocking the overalls with one strap was cool but if I see it now, I’m like… “Where do you even purchase those?” Like the overalls, I hate to see these trends today-

- White Air Force Ones
- Dookie Chains
- Plaid Shorts
- High waist belts (women)
- kaname
  
  @Drew-Shane. Not sure about the high waist belts since I *think* they (1) help give a longer leg look and (2)give a mini corsete vibe which makes your waist appear smaller. I could be wrong though… (waits for fashionista VSS for guidance).
  - Asia
    
    The high waist belt isn’t too bad when done correctly but I see so many females screw this trend up that I am going to have to agree with @drew-shane and just say let’s dead this one.
    - http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane
      
      Everything does not have to be belted. A good drape would be good. It’s just so overdone.
      - Asia
        
        I agree I went shopping this past weekend and everything had a built in belt and I absolutely hate buying ensembles that have the belt built in.
        
        Ivy St.
        
        I had the same experience last Friday. I like to choose whether I want to wear one and if so, I want to choose the style.
        
        WIP
        
        You can always remove the belt and/or the loops. I find the built-in belts never hit me in the right place so I take them out the loops. I loves me a high-waisted belt!
    - whykendra
      
      yeah it gets done badly so often i.e. big wide plastic lookin brightly colored belt that matches perfectly with your brightly colored wet seal cheap heels and brightly colored costume jewelry. it looks exhausting from the outside, im sure your out of breath to. plese. stop.
      - Classy6ft5
        
        LOL!!!!
      - Classy6ft5
        
        LOL at this whole comment!
  - keisha brown
    
    @kaname
    you are correct in why it’s a fashion trend, but Asia is correct that many people get it wrong.
    the kimono belt is hot though!
    https://id307.securedata.net/lisashaub.com/merchantmanager/images/uploads/kimono%20belt.jpg
    - http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15
      
      Yeah that is hot… I kinda need that in my life
    - http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem of the Ocean
      
      its hot if its worn right. i hate seeing women just slap a lovely belt on the most hideous of outfits with the most unflattering of shapes *smh*
      - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
        
        Preach!!!
    - Tezzybaby
      
      You are right, I love my kimono belt which I got for a very good price @ new york& company!!
    - http://www.twitter.com/Alana_Shantell Alana
      
      Yeah, the Kimono belting is absolutely absolute! <<<ultra technical term
    - http://www.twitter.com/SCSilk Silk!
      
      THAT’S what I’ve been looking for!
  - Classy6ft5
    
    “(2)give a mini corsete vibe which makes your waist appear smaller.”
    
    Is this what big girls think they are doing when they wear belts over their stomachs?
    - Kimmy
      
      Yes…and they are often wrong.
      - Tezzybaby
        
        eggs-actly!! it starts to look like WWE championship belt…im like ninja you wrestling, like really…
- Rogman
  
  whats wrong with plaid shorts?
  
  Seem to be just normal casual wear to me. Unless you have pics of people which might make me re-evaluate my stance lol
  - whykendra
    
    plaid shorts themselves arent as telling as the age of the person thats wearing them. they kinda come off as my grandma bought these for me. pastel plaid shirts and a matching tshirt to match. this applies to dudes too as my cousin got the boy version of these outfits. meaning mine was pink with ruffles and his was blue with a collar.
    - Tezzybaby
      
      You’re right about the age of the person that wears them, anytime I think of plaid shorts
      
      I think of a uncle wearing some old school Chuck T’s, smelling of old spice and crown royal trying to drunkenly kiss my cheek and show me some dance moves.
      
      #flashbacksshiver
- Humble_One
  
  @Drew-Shanes
  
  -White Air Force Ones
  
  This was standard issue hood gear. I can’t see these ever getting played. We were wearing these in the hood way before Jay-Z mentioned them in a song. I will admit that Nelly made Air Force Ones a national trend. I can’t speak for other places but in Detroit they were popular way before him.
  
  -Plaid Shorts
  
  If you are talking about those long plaid shorts with the matching shirt that ninjas wear I cosign 100%. I hate them. It’s always some ninja in some low-top famous footwear Reeboks and a Bluetooth wearing them.
  - Sea Jay Bee
    
    Westside and Southside Chicago was on Air Force Ones way before the Nelly video
  - V Renee
    
    If you are talking about those long plaid shorts with the matching shirt that ninjas wear I cosign 100% .
    
    Must be a Detroit thing. *shots fired *
    - Humble_One
      
      @V Renee
      
      It must be. Couldnt be Cincinnati because we know how fly you guys get.
      Http://bit.ly/hagcaE
      http://bit.ly/i9qPY8
      http://bit.ly/g6Eell
      
      Yeah, those links show Cincy has mad flavor. So plaid shorts can never be you guys.
      - V Renee
        
        Now why are you posting pictures of your uncles and cousins. I bet they would be highly upset. LMAO!
  - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
    
    -White Air Force Ones
    
    We call em “uptowns” in NY and we were rockin them waaaayyyy before anybody mentioned them in a song. Standard issue NY footwear in the summer is a pair of icy white uptowns, and in the winter a pair of Timbs. That’s how we do.
  - http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane
    
    Because they have become the “standard uniform” of the hood. I hate to see guys in white tennis shoes period. Most of the time they’re dirty and look un-purposely distressed. I just wish it would stop
  - http://DamonLThomas.com Monk
    
    Yeah, we’ve always rocked 1′s and I consider that a staple classic…all white. Just a a smooth, clean look…can’t go wrong no matter how old you are. I’ve never owned a pair but I think the same can be said about Chuck Taylors.
  - Vacra
    
    If you are talking about those long plaid shorts with the matching shirt that ninjas wear I cosign 100%. I hate them. It’s always some ninja in some low-top famous footwear Reeboks and a Bluetooth wearing them.
    
    They usually have a visor on too!
- http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
  
  I cosign plaid shorts. LOL
  - http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
    
    But wait, what’s wrong with high waist belts? With a nice shirt? I rock it.
  - http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
    
    Noooooo…. I love plaid shorts. My baby boy wears them in the summer time with polo shirts. He looks adorable.
    - V.E.G.
      
      i think we can make an exception for small children.
      - http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane
        
        I agree. I don’t want to see a grown ass man walking around here in plaid shorts or even a plaid shirt to match.
        
        We can get with the children though. Spring time.
        
        V.E.G.
        
        Ish that looks triflin’ and tacky on grown folks can often be cute on small (i.e. under 12) kids.
- Medium Meech
  
  Airforce 1s are the opposite of a tend. Classic, minimalist, and have been around forever. They are like the black dress of footwear. And yes, I know thats 97% gay.
E-vee-E

ya know, hammer pants are makin a come back…but now they’re called harem pants. same concept, but look slightly different, well not really lOl.

but to add to the list, wearin clothes backwards (a la kris kros); def saw this a few times. and what puffy created with the shiny clothes in all his 90s videos…not a good look.
Sylph

Culottes. Spandex. Lycra is not your friend.

“5. Rocking overalls with one strap unfastened. I used to do it too.”

I still have two pairs of overalls just in case they make a comeback. Do not judge me.

I still don’t understand the shoes with no socks craze or plainly wearing a vest and nothing else for guys. Not all of you are Tony Terry. At all.
- DQ
  
  LOL @ NOT Tony Terry.
  
  It’s the Lovey Dovey Feeling I get when I’mmmmmm with youuuuuuuuuu
- V Renee
  
  I won’t judge you because I like overalls. No matter how outdated they are. But I’m cool, so I wear BOTH straps. Ha!
- http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA
  
  I haven’t seen a bare chested vest since ’93. Please tell me there isn’t anyone still doing that.
  - Deviant
    
    It’s always 5pm somewhere.
Savvy

Light pink lipstick. I blame Nicki Minaj.
- whykendra
  
  yass! not every color is for everyone. im sorry its just the way it is.
- http://DamonLThomas.com Monk
  
  I think this could be pulled off, but like @whykendra said, it’s definitely not for everyone.
http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/02/25/slang-fridays-i-put-that-on-everything/ Naturally Alise

The back woman mullet. Yes the schizophrenic hairdo worn by millions that is like Toni Braxton circa 1990-sumfin’ in the front and Toni Braxton now lacefronted in the back. 40-year old black women are still rocking this with great fervor, I know er’body got an auntie with one. If you don’t, I don’t believe you.
- DQ
  
  Add “truck jewelry” to this imagery and it’s like you’ve actually time traveled
- http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
  
  LOL …and Kelis.
- V Renee
  
  Bwhahahahahahahaha!!!
  
  This entire comment was truth.com.
- WIP
  
  I think the mushroom-mullet is a tragedy of the black community.
  - http://eboneeyes.wordpress.com Eb
    
    yes. and the back long part would be all stiff and move wherever her head moved…lol. i always found that fascinating…lol
    - Classy6ft5
      
      LMAO!!! I’m VERY visual and ya’ll are being TOO descriptive today and its KILLING ME!!!