Featured, Pop Culture

Exclusive: A Leaked Email Exchange Between Drake And Serena Williams

A few weeks ago, our sources were somehow able to find an email conversation between Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill. And then, a couple weeks later, one between Meek Mill and Drake. Wouldn’t you know it, those same sources found another email conversation, but between Drake and Serena Williams. We have great sources.

A condensed version can be found below.

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 3:07am

It’s 3 AM in Toronto. It’s also 3 AM in New York. It’s funny how, the times can be the same in different places, but we’re not in the same place. But every time I see a clock, I know you’re looking at the same clock. With the same time. So it’s like we’re in the same place. Always.

Always.

 

I miss you.

I love you.

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 4:26am

I just took a shower. It helps me stretch before I go to the studio to take Snapchat screenshots of red velvet cake recipes and do Crossfit. I know you said it’s not good for my back. And I know I said I would listen to you. I am, Serena, I promise. This will be the last night I do Crossfit in the studio.

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 5:47am

Noah — You remember him from the kickball game right? — he wants to know what’s up with Venus. I told him I would ask you even though I already know the answer. That’s crazy, right? We know so many answers. But we ask the questions anyway. Because our hearts are fighting our brains. And our brains are fighting our souls. And our souls are fighting our sleep. Because love is the soul’s recognition of its counterpart.

That last line isn’t from me. It’s from The Wedding Crashers. That’s probably my favorite Vince Vaughn movie. Everyone says Vince Vaughn can only play himself in movies. But it’s harder to know yourself — to completely be inside yourself — than it is to not know yourself. Masturbation.

But yeah, Noah wants the hook up with Venus. What should I tell him?

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 6:01am

I finally told my mom about you last weekend. I called her on the phone. She was like “I know you don’t like me calling you Aubrey. But I don’t like calling you Drake, either. So I’ll just call you Meadow.” And I was like “I’ve always liked Meadows. My favorite meadow ever was that patch of grass under the Peace Bridge you used to take me to to play wiffle ball and eat Cheddar Bacon Goldfish in the summer. I could never hit your pitches. But you told me to just keep swinging. And you said my dad left you for Lark Voorhees. But I knew you were lying. I know he left because he was allergic to kitchen magnets, but you wouldn’t get rid of them.”

And she was like “I got your text about Serena. Do you really believe she’s the one?” And I was like “I do.” And she was like “Didnt you say the same thing about Onika?” And I was like “I did, but she’s with Rahmeek now.” And she was like “Didn’t you say the same thing about Mrs. Twerk Something?” And I was like “It’s actually Mizz Twerksum, mom. She’s very specific about her name, for branding purposes.” And she was like “But anyway, didn’t you say that about her?” And I was like “I did.” And she was like “What about Flo from the Progressive commercials. What happened to her?” And I was like “Flo understands me. We’ll never be together, but we’ll never be apart”

And she was like “Meadow, what makes Serena different?” And I told her about that night the ball boys at Wimbledon gave me an extra key to Centre Court. And I waited until midnight came and everyone was gone. I think you were back in America already. Or on a date with Paul George. And then I went on the court and cuddled with the net. I know it wasn’t you. It was a tennis net. But I told her I never felt closer to any human than I did with you when I was cuddling that tennis net. And she was like “Be careful, Meadow.” And I was like “I love her.”

And I got off the phone and went to Baja Fresh. Everyone loves Chipotle. But Baja Fresh is better.

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 7:28am

I’m sitting in the bath tub right now. No water. Just air and bathtub porcelain. I was just watching highlights of you in Cincinnati on ESPNNews. You make me speechless. I see you and don’t know what words to say. Rosetta Stone. Every moment I think of you is like the first time I had a cupcake. Do you know how awesome that would be? If every time you ate a cupcake, it was like your first time eating a cupcake? That’s how I feel when I see you. Like a three year old biting a cupcake. Or a 28 year old with a bad memory biting that same cupcake. Over and over again because he keeps forgetting that he already bit the cupcake. That 28-year-old is me. And that feeling motivates me to keep doing all these core exercises, so I can lift you up without help from Noah.

From: Serena@Serena.Serena: To: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: 7:51am

Hey! Headed to morning workout. Might txt later. Bye!

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: To: Serena@Serena.Serena: 7:52am

Have fun baby!!!!! Say hi to Pappa Richard for me. Tell him he can keep the copy of Valkyrie. I’ll just buy another one. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • TeeChantel

    I hate y’all. It’s not hate hate, but love hate. Maybe hate is the wrong word to use. Regardless, I can’t finish reading article because I’m laughing so hard.

  • lmao!! Damon you missed the memo so I will repeat it. After Drake got sprinkled with a little piss and hit by Diddy he grew a beard and muscles! He has 4 tablespoons of hood in him now! He no longer sits in waterless tubs and hugs nets!! Please fix this!!

    • NKORigible

      LMAO!

    • LadyIbaka

      *4 tablespoons of hood*——–>mortuary bound!

    • TeeChantel

      Haha! The waterless tub stays. That is so Drake.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Just because he looks like he got a role in The Expendables 4 doesn’t mean he’s safe yet.

    • eyecande

      LMBO!!! He’s not doing a great job of putting those tablespoons to use in that pic (Great choice btw, Damon. It really captures his truth). At most, I’d say he has just a spoonful of hood (in my Mary Poppins voice).

  • Betty

    Hater. ???

  • LadyIbaka

    Straight outta FRIEND-ZONED

  • mssporadic

    why must you do this to Aubrey!!!!!!

  • NKORigible

    HAAAA!!! Legit.
    Also, it would be awesome if they got back together.

    • LadyIbaka

      Got back together, cmon now, they were never together. In his mind, they were tho

    • Gigi Sev

      They’re back together

      • NKORigible

        *Yeeee! I don’t actually know why I care so much about this happening. But Yeeee!

  • Digital-Danni Williams

    I’d cuddle Serena’s tennis net as well. #comeatmebro

  • lovesupremequeen

    Lmaoooo as I’m currently watching wedding crashers ???

  • That girl MEL!

    Listen, don’t do drake like this. He’s wearing his big boy jogging pants now. He no longer wears the t-shirts with the snaps in the crotch.

    • TheDivineMsT

      Hahaha! I knew somehow you’d find this and stand up for Aubrey. Bless his little sincere heart.

  • Betty

    Can I just say though, is Drake the only rapper who even still dates black girls? All I see are Caublanasian this and Latina that. The chicks that he has been linked with have no doubt negro in them.

    • LMNOP

      No, he’s not.

      • LadyIbaka

        Who else?

        • Epsilonicus

          Ice Cube. Future (is he a rapper or singer?). Nas. Jay-Z. Snoop. Kendrick Lamar. J. Cole. Too many to name

          • Black Thought, Big Boi, Common, Talib, Killer Mike, Paul Wall, Papoose, T.I., Phonte…

            • Epsilonicus

              Andre 3K, Uncle Luke (who is married now), Joe Budden, Diddy, Scarface, The Game, 50 Cent, Fetty Wap (I believe his baby momma Black)

              • Medium Meech

                Ludarchris, Lil Wayne even Tyga and Kanye dated primarily black girs. Actually, I can’t think of a single rapper that “doesn’t date black girls”. Seriously, not a single one. Maybe Childish Gambino, Macklemore and Emineem.

                • Betty

                  You are kidding right? Kanye hasn’t dated black since “Through The Wire.”

                  • Epsilonicus

                    Amber Rose?

                  • Medium Meech

                    Chanel Iman, Selita Ebanks, Brooke Crittenton, Amber Rose, Melody Thornton, Alexis Phifer (Twice) (and is the girl that inspired 808s)??

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      You gotta be a bad chick if you make a brotha go back and rock a shag!

                    • Betty

                      Weren’t all the black ones first album chicks though? I’m going to have to place Amber in the Caublanasian group.

                    • Medium Meech

                      These are all post first album. I’m staying out of the color policing though, officer Betty. Anyway, stop believing the hype about black men not being attracted to sisters. We got our issues but you’re stuck with us. We need a movement or some kind of antipropaganda out here.

                    • Betty

                      Not trying to be color policing (maybe I’m race baiting? IDK) My point was at least Drake sees the beauty in black women like Serena. Two snaps for adding Obama to the list though.

                    • Jamie Foxx serenaded her twice on national television, Aubrey gotta step his game up

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      i feel like his brand of emo-flirting and deep empty thoughts is the kind of pandering that works best with Black women, because I can’t see myself saying those words to women of other colors…but they’ve given me interesting convos with Black women.

                    • Epsilonicus

                      Them chicks were throughout his discography.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                Lil Scrappy, Steebie J, Young Joc, Trick Daddy, MC Search (married a Black woman)

            • CamCamtheGreat

              LMAO at Paul Wall. I’m sure that’s not what was intended by the original question, but it counts!

          • J Cole and his fiancee are broken up.

            • Epsilonicus

              She was Black though

            • LadyIbaka

              Wait, what?! She was shooting in the gym with him…#almostddoesntcount?

              • she ain’t want marriage. J Cole was trying to lock it down and she was like nah. so they parted ways. he proposed 3 times.

                • But a decade tho… You damn near married, it’s gotta be something else there.

                  • Epsilonicus

                    She prolly wanted to run the streets

                  • Medium Meech

                    She starting wavering when big Sean broke up with that 12 year old.

                  • GirlMelanie86

                    He was cheating big time, let him tell it in all his songs he’s been cheating for years. That song “Love Me Not” is a great example.

                • LadyIbaka

                  Damn, son! I like her.

                • T.Q. Fuego

                  LMAO!

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  he been smashing so many chicks over the years that she knew better.

          • LadyIbaka

            Future is a comma.

        • Damon Young

          the cats on love and hip hop too. they might be aint sh*t dudes, but they’re aint sh*t dudes who “date”/”marry” black women.

          • Betty

            Old dudes?

          • Jennifer

            “Thanks?” -black women

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              You might wanna take that thanks back….add a few question marks around it like a border.

              I’m never quite sure how men with weasly faces and ages near grandpa status have become the new icons

              • Jennifer

                ?????Thanks?????

        • LMNOP

          You know what mami? I am 33 years old, aka entirely to old to be devoting my dwindling brain cells to following rappers’ love lives.

          I completely pulled that comment out of my azz, but other people came through and backed me up. So I guess my azz was right. As usual.

    • eh, more like Drake is the only rapper that openly, publicly, and continuously swoons over Black women.

    • Delia

      Absolutely not! Don’t believe the hype about them ‘foreigns’

      • Epsilonicus

        Most famous Black men are with black women.

    • miss t-lee

      “is Drake the only rapper who even still dates black girls? ”

      no.

    • laddibugg

      Cam’ron’s girl is not only Black, but dark.

      • Jasmin

        JuJu the Cuban Queen is so gorgeous

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