Exclusive: A Leaked Email Exchange Between Drake And Kanye West From This Afternoon » VSB

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Exclusive: A Leaked Email Exchange Between Drake And Kanye West From This Afternoon

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Months ago, our sources were able to find multiple leaked email conversations between celebrities such as Drake, Kanye, Meek Mill, and President Obama. After taking an extended break, our sources were able to find another exchange. This time, between Drake and Kanye after the “Work” video was released today.

A condensed version of the conversation is below:

From: mydamncroissant@gmail.com: to kingofthewoes@gmail.com: 11:19am:

THE RELEASE OF SAINT’S PICS TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST MULATTO INFANT PICTURE RELEASE EVENT OF ALL-TIME!!! BIGGER THAN MICHAEL JACKSON’S KIDS. AND JESUS. BUT YOU HAD TO RUIN IT BY RELEASING THE WORK VIDEO TODAY. NOW EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU AND RIHANNA. AND NOT SAINT’S AMAZING CHEEKBONES AND KANYE-ESQUE WIT. THE POPE EVEN RETWEETED YOU. THE MOTHERFUCKING POPE! I GET NO PAPAL RETWEETS! AND THE POPE’S LOINCLOTH AND CAPE DESIGNER WAS INSPIRED BY YEEZUS SEASON 2!

BUT BRO, I STAY GIVING YOU LOVE! I EVEN SAW YOU ON THE SIDELINES DURING ALL-STAR WEEKEND AND GAVE YOU PROPS! YOU HAD ON NICE SHOES AND I EVEN TOLD NORI YOUR EYEBROWS WERE HOT. #DRAKEHASHOTEYEBROWS. BUT IT’S NO LOVE NO MORE. THIS IS THE OLD KANYE. THE OLD SEAS SCROLLS KANYE. THE NO GLOVE KANYE. THE HOLD A GRUDGE KANYE.

I NEED SOME LEMONS.

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: to mydamncroissant@gmail.com: 11:37am:

Ye, my dude, I’m sorry. I truly am. I really, truly, deeply, and passionately had nothing do with with the Work video dropping today. That was Rihanna’s decision. It’s Rihanna’s fault. Like everything else. My beard. The first 27 seconds of Hotline Bling. My relationship with Kyle Lowry’s pets. This Jamaican Ginger Beer-scented cologne I’m wearing. My selfie style — solemn but never sad; silent but never starving; yelding but never yawning; still but never scared. Everything.

I spent three nights with Rihanna three years ago. And nothing has been the same since. We went to VLive and Waffle House. She’d always get pancakes and hash browns. I’d get Pancakes and hash browns too, because twinsies. I’d refer to us as “a millennial Michelle and Barack.” And she’d always say “Stop talking so much during head, bitch. I can’t concentrate. Come up when I’m done, not when you want to chat.

I loved her so much.

From: mydamncroissant@gmail.com: to kingofthewoes@gmail.com: 12:49pm:

BRO, I UNDERSTAND! FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID EARLIER ABOUT YOUR EYEBROWS. AND FORGET ABOUT THE MESSAGES I WROTE BUT NEVER SENT THAT ARE SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOLDER ABOUT HOW YOU WOULDN’T EXIST IF NOT FOR 808S AND HOW YOUR POOL MIGHT BE BIGGER THAN MINE BUT MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOUR POOL. I’M SORRY, BRO. I’M IN A BETTER SPACE NOW. I HAVE AN ULTRA LIGHT TEAM AROUND ME NOW THAT KEEPS ME SAVED AND GENERATED WITH THE BRIGHTEST OF ENERGIES!!! NORE, KIM, SAINT, KYLIE, KIRK FRANKLIN, AZIZ ANSARI, DAME JUDI DENCH, AND CLIFF PAUL. MY TEAM IS LIKE THE WARRIORS. NOT THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS, BUT THE ACTUAL MOVIE THE WARRIORS.

WE’RE ACTUALLY ALL ABOUT TO GO TO LASERTAG. KIM HATES BEING ON MY TEAM, SO I’LL NEED A PARTNER. YOU WANT TO COME???? I HAVE PRETZELS AND HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS IN THE LIMO. AND CONSEQUENCE! #CONSEQUENCELIVESINMYLIMO

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: to mydamncroissant@gmail.com: 1:37pm:

Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! That makes me so verklempt!!! If you were near me I’d give you the longest hug. Not too long for it to be awkward. But long enough for you to know I meant it. And then I’d give you the longest, most intricate dap, ever. I’ve been working on my dap game since Rihanna left me too. Future and I work on it between studio sessions and Instagram screen shotting sprees. He’s from Atlanta, so he’s a bit more advanced. But I’m catching up. I’ve been in the three-way gym mirrors all winter, doing dips and working on different daps by myself. By the time the summer gets here, I’ll be caught up to Future. He’ll even ask me for dap tips.

This reminds me of the last time I called my mom. I was like “Hi mom.” She was like “Who’s this?” I said “It’s me, mom. Your son. Drake.” And she was like “You know I hate it when you call yourself Drake. Aubrey is a perfectly fine name for an Afro-Canadian Jew. From now on, I’ll just call you Jewfro.” And I was like “Okay mom.” And she was like “So why are you calling today, Jewfro?” And I was like “Remember that summer in 2004. When I really wanted to go to Darien Lake to ride the water rides? But we didn’t have any money? Remember what you did for me?” And she was like “Of course I do Jewfro.” And I was like “You told me to go stand under the porch with a blindfold on, and I did. And then you came outside and threw water balloons at me. It wasn’t Darien Lake, but it was exciting and I got wet. I love you mom.” And she was like “I love you too, Jewfro.”

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Cori Hoston

    But y kanye gotta text in all CAPS THO??… DEAD…CUZ HE IS THAT DANG GUY!!!… THAT TYPES LIKE THIS!!!

    • cakes_and_pies

      CAPS CAPS CAPS!

      • Probably from all that growling like Mcgruff the crime dog, like he did on SNL.

  • Other_guy13

    ” I’ve been in the three-way gym mirrors all winter, doing dips and working on different daps by myself. By the time the summer gets here, I’ll be caught up to Future. He’ll even ask me for dap tips.”…
    .I have a feeling Drake did this in real life. Like he caught some dude doing a real dope dap at the barber shop and was like. “im doing THAT when I get home”

  • Junegirl627

    I hope someday a disgruntled employee from Drakes camp texts him the link to all of his “leaked” emails and then posts footage from the secretly recorded video.

    • Sylqué

      I’m waiting for him to just comment here with a hearty guffaw. I just know it’s gonna happen…one day.

      • Jennifer

        Yeah, Drake guffaws. I’m sure of it.

  • Epsilonicus

    “Stop talking so much during head, bitch. I can’t concentrate. Come up when I’m done, not when you want to chat.”

    I really could see Rihanna saying this. I could also see Agatha telling some poor chap this also.

  • I am CACKLINGGGGGGGGGGG!! I am on a public bus giving nary ah fcuk! Well done Sir, this epic contribution to the most LIT Black History Month shan’t go unnoticed! ????????

  • sisi

    Who woulda thunk Drake would expand my vocabulary?? Verklempt is a great word.

  • GLAMCAM

    I laughed at loud, may have even snorted.

  • Steve

    LOL! This is too funny. Except they don’t serve pancakes at Waffle House. Only waffles (hence the name). Or is Rihanna just such a boss that they make them exclusively for her? I could see it. If I worked at Waffle House and Rihanna came in asking for pancakes, I’d be like “I’m really not supposed to do this, but let me just pour some of this waffle batter on the griddle.” And boom! Pancakes for Rihanna!

  • jenniferhcollazo2

    were near me I’d give you the longest hug

  • jenniferhcollazo2

    were near me I’d give you the

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