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Exclusive: A Leaked Email Exchange Between Drake And Kanye West From This Afternoon

Months ago, our sources were able to find multiple leaked email conversations between celebrities such as Drake, Kanye, Meek Mill, and President Obama. After taking an extended break, our sources were able to find another exchange. This time, between Drake and Kanye after the “Work” video was released today.

A condensed version of the conversation is below:

From: mydamncroissant@gmail.com: to kingofthewoes@gmail.com: 11:19am:

THE RELEASE OF SAINT’S PICS TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST MULATTO INFANT PICTURE RELEASE EVENT OF ALL-TIME!!! BIGGER THAN MICHAEL JACKSON’S KIDS. AND JESUS. BUT YOU HAD TO RUIN IT BY RELEASING THE WORK VIDEO TODAY. NOW EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU AND RIHANNA. AND NOT SAINT’S AMAZING CHEEKBONES AND KANYE-ESQUE WIT. THE POPE EVEN RETWEETED YOU. THE MOTHERFUCKING POPE! I GET NO PAPAL RETWEETS! AND THE POPE’S LOINCLOTH AND CAPE DESIGNER WAS INSPIRED BY YEEZUS SEASON 2!

BUT BRO, I STAY GIVING YOU LOVE! I EVEN SAW YOU ON THE SIDELINES DURING ALL-STAR WEEKEND AND GAVE YOU PROPS! YOU HAD ON NICE SHOES AND I EVEN TOLD NORI YOUR EYEBROWS WERE HOT. #DRAKEHASHOTEYEBROWS. BUT IT’S NO LOVE NO MORE. THIS IS THE OLD KANYE. THE OLD SEAS SCROLLS KANYE. THE NO GLOVE KANYE. THE HOLD A GRUDGE KANYE.

I NEED SOME LEMONS.

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: to mydamncroissant@gmail.com: 11:37am:

Ye, my dude, I’m sorry. I truly am. I really, truly, deeply, and passionately had nothing do with with the Work video dropping today. That was Rihanna’s decision. It’s Rihanna’s fault. Like everything else. My beard. The first 27 seconds of Hotline Bling. My relationship with Kyle Lowry’s pets. This Jamaican Ginger Beer-scented cologne I’m wearing. My selfie style — solemn but never sad; silent but never starving; yelding but never yawning; still but never scared. Everything.

I spent three nights with Rihanna three years ago. And nothing has been the same since. We went to VLive and Waffle House. She’d always get pancakes and hash browns. I’d get Pancakes and hash browns too, because twinsies. I’d refer to us as “a millennial Michelle and Barack.” And she’d always say “Stop talking so much during head, bitch. I can’t concentrate. Come up when I’m done, not when you want to chat.

I loved her so much.

From: mydamncroissant@gmail.com: to kingofthewoes@gmail.com: 12:49pm:

BRO, I UNDERSTAND! FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID EARLIER ABOUT YOUR EYEBROWS. AND FORGET ABOUT THE MESSAGES I WROTE BUT NEVER SENT THAT ARE SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOLDER ABOUT HOW YOU WOULDN’T EXIST IF NOT FOR 808S AND HOW YOUR POOL MIGHT BE BIGGER THAN MINE BUT MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOUR POOL. I’M SORRY, BRO. I’M IN A BETTER SPACE NOW. I HAVE AN ULTRA LIGHT TEAM AROUND ME NOW THAT KEEPS ME SAVED AND GENERATED WITH THE BRIGHTEST OF ENERGIES!!! NORE, KIM, SAINT, KYLIE, KIRK FRANKLIN, AZIZ ANSARI, DAME JUDI DENCH, AND CLIFF PAUL. MY TEAM IS LIKE THE WARRIORS. NOT THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS, BUT THE ACTUAL MOVIE THE WARRIORS.

WE’RE ACTUALLY ALL ABOUT TO GO TO LASERTAG. KIM HATES BEING ON MY TEAM, SO I’LL NEED A PARTNER. YOU WANT TO COME???? I HAVE PRETZELS AND HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS IN THE LIMO. AND CONSEQUENCE! #CONSEQUENCELIVESINMYLIMO

From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com: to mydamncroissant@gmail.com: 1:37pm:

Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! That makes me so verklempt!!! If you were near me I’d give you the longest hug. Not too long for it to be awkward. But long enough for you to know I meant it. And then I’d give you the longest, most intricate dap, ever. I’ve been working on my dap game since Rihanna left me too. Future and I work on it between studio sessions and Instagram screen shotting sprees. He’s from Atlanta, so he’s a bit more advanced. But I’m catching up. I’ve been in the three-way gym mirrors all winter, doing dips and working on different daps by myself. By the time the summer gets here, I’ll be caught up to Future. He’ll even ask me for dap tips.

This reminds me of the last time I called my mom. I was like “Hi mom.” She was like “Who’s this?” I said “It’s me, mom. Your son. Drake.” And she was like “You know I hate it when you call yourself Drake. Aubrey is a perfectly fine name for an Afro-Canadian Jew. From now on, I’ll just call you Jewfro.” And I was like “Okay mom.” And she was like “So why are you calling today, Jewfro?” And I was like “Remember that summer in 2004. When I really wanted to go to Darien Lake to ride the water rides? But we didn’t have any money? Remember what you did for me?” And she was like “Of course I do Jewfro.” And I was like “You told me to go stand under the porch with a blindfold on, and I did. And then you came outside and threw water balloons at me. It wasn’t Darien Lake, but it was exciting and I got wet. I love you mom.” And she was like “I love you too, Jewfro.”

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Someone needs to get on the creation of a Jamaican ginger beer-scented cologne ASAP. Because yum.

    • Joseph Reynolds

      that was all it took, and i was sold haha

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      Like a real one, not some fake, oid-spice smelling watered down nonsense.

  • PhlyyPhree

    But this:

    “Stop taking so much during head, b itch. I can’t concentrate. Come up when I’m done, not when you want to chat.”

    iHollered out loud. Because I’m sure Rihanna has really said that to some lightskint emo hiphopr&b artist before.

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      I would bet my investments that Rihanna has told a nucca to stop talking and save his breathe while pushing head back down with her foot.

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        She swear she gangsta since she met her match in Chris Brown. . . .

    • Rih swear she me so bad

    • HR Paperstacks

      I really hope this is true, because Miss Fenty is Bae.

    • iByron

      Thing is, I can totally see Drake stopping “to chat,” too.

  • Madame Zenobia

    “If you were near me I’d give you the longest hug. Not too long for it to be awkward. But long enough for you to know I meant it. ”

    I’m 213% sure Drake has said this to another man in his lifetime. 213% sure.

    • iByron

      Prolly to some women, too.

    • Random:

      I wonder what Drake would do with Kilgrave powers?

      • Madame Zenobia

        You know the guy in the support group who keeps coming, even though the only thing Kilgrave did to him was make him give up his jacket? I feel like all of Drake’s victims would be like that. Shook off of the smallest little tricks.

        He’d walk down the street commanding people to fall in love with the bike track to their left or go to Baskin Robbins and try all 32 flavors and other sh it like that.

        • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

          Rih Rih would definitely be his Jennifer Jones. He wouldn’t ever command her to love him but would want HERE to want to do so…by stalking, mentally torturing and f’**xing up her life.

        • Dude would be in the meeting like:

          “He got into my uber and he just keep singing out of his nostrils to me and telling me say it was dope? Then… t-t-then he kept commanding me to say that he sang better than something called a Bryson Tiller. Who the h*ll is Bryson Tiller?”

          • DBoySlim

            Don’t.

  • iByron

    ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod

    Catching my breath and trying not to laugh out loud in my last half hour at work.

  • Amen

    Ye is the retraction king right? I’m trying to think of someone who talks as recklessly as Kanye, and then apologizes with same intensity. Like, Amber Rose and Wiz, I’m sorry I said that I’m solely responsible for the child that you share. Kirk Franklin is on my album now so…..yeah…

  • kingpinenut

    Why must y’all ruin crossaints??? Why?!!!

  • MysteryMeat

    I would pay to watch them get into a hair pulling cat fight. Like legit trying to pull each others hair and getting frustrated because its not long enough to pull

    • L8Comer

      My money would be on Ye for that fight. I bet he screams him into submission after he gets frustrated trying to grip Drakes slippery curls

      • MysteryMeat

        Omfg the mental picture i have

      • Kanye always struck me as a guy who scratches his opponents in fights.

        • Quirlygirly

          BOL – I don’t why this tickled me soo

          But scratches really hurt

  • LMNOP

    I can’t wait for the people to come by who are like “I don’t even believe this is really Kanye!”

  • LongtimeLurker

    Drake’s mom is passive aggressively OFF. THE. CHAIN…and my new hero. Anybody who can call their son Brussel Sprout (from last email) and JewFro without pause and a straight face has to be awesome, LOL

    • Quirlygirly

      LOL- I thought the same thing..she insists that he call himself Aubrey and not Drake and she then proceeds to call him Brussel Sprout and Jewfro- JEWFRO- for real doe! LOL

    • Here We Go

      Never forget Meadow.

  • Lmao @ Kanye’s email in all caps.
    #KanyeProllyGhostwriteForMeekMill

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