Featured, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

Everything Makes Sense If You Accept That White People Just Want Everyone And Everything Dead

Although the best and most memorable part of The Usual Suspects occurs in the last five minutes, when Agent Kujan puts the pieces on the bulletin board together and slowly realizes that Verbal Kint is in fact Keyser Soze, my favorite part comes a half hour or so before that scene.

Dean Keaton and the rest of the crew ambush and prepare to murder Kobayashi, but stop mid-murdering when Kobayashi tells and shows Keaton that he brought Edie Finneran (Keaton’s lawyer girlfriend) in town for a legal matter — a thinly-veiled way of informing Keaton that she’ll totally, definitely die if they go through with the murder.

Kobayashi then completely takes the veil away and makes things plain:

Get your rest, Gentlemen. The boat will be ready for you on Friday. If I see you or any of your friends before then, Miss. Finneran will find herself the victim of a most gruesome violation before she dies. As will your father, Mr. Hockney. and your Uncle Randall in Arizona, Mr. Kint. I might only castrate Mr. McManus’s nephew, David. Do I make myself clear?

I don’t really have a particularly insightful reason for this being my favorite scene. I just think it’s a really bad-ass thing to say to a group of dudes who were a second away from blowing your brains out 60 seconds ago.

Anyway, I’m thinking about this movie today because it helps to put the last three months of American politics in a certain context. Of course, we all know that White people went full capital letter White People and elected Donald Trump President; an act that seemed not to make any sense until you realize that it actually made perfect sense. Today, however, I had an Agent Kujan at the bulletin board epiphany. I even dropped my milkshake in slow motion on the floor.

Capital Letter White People want everyone dead. Not just us (Black people) or Muslims or Mexicans or Colin Kaepernick. But everyone. 

Before you dismiss this, consider the following:

1. They elected a man who A) is literally a tweet away from starting a series of events that would culminate in a nuclear war and who B) apparently gives no fucks about the fact that he’s literally a tweet away from starting a series of events that would culminate in a nuclear war

2. They voted for an incoming administration that A) considers the scientifically proven reality of global warming a debatable opinion the same way someone might say that Kyle Lowry might be better than John Wall and B) will do every in its power to halt and reverse whatever progress the country and the planet has made with climate change

3. They desperately want to repeal Obamacare and defund Planned Parenthood; ultimately snatching health benefits and free and/or reduced cost health care away from millions of Americans — which will totally, definitely result in more dead Americans

When you add the disturbing and kinda, sorta sexual obsession with retaining and stockpiling firearms, there’s really no other conclusion left to be made. At least not one that makes more sense.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Soze. White people want everyone dead. I need another milkshake.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Pulling out all the stops,
    Trying to spite black folks,
    Killing a ton of white folks in the process.
    Yep. Makes sense to me.

    • Mary Burrell

      That white pathology for you.

  • rikyrah

    This is deep. Can’t argue with you.

  • Kenton Campbell

    I get what you’re saying , but I don’t think it’s everyone. I believe they just want to thin out the herd. Planet can hold 11 billion and we are at 7.3 .

    • Brother Mouzone

      We’re the herd.

  • IAmMikeBrown

    Cookies and Cream is my fave.

    Republicans (and some Dems and Independents who align themselves with their staunchest beliefs by deed as well as the ones who are complicit in their inaction) and CLWPs are some soulless individuals. They’ll call a woman a s l u t for getting pregnant, and then call her a deadbeat for not being able to afford to take care of the baby when it’s born. Their level of nihilism is something I’ll never understand. It’s that “if I can’t have it, then neither can you” mentality. They made a sport out of how long a person can remain on the back of a thrashing cow before being tossed. What else are they capable of?

    • Blackberry02

      “They’ll call a woman a s l u t for getting pregnant, and then call her a deadbeat for not being able to afford to take care of the baby when it’s born.”

      Fact.

      “They made a sport out of how long a person can remain on the back of a thrashing cow before being tossed.”

      I’m actually pretty good at riding the bull.

  • Negro Libre

    Talking about destruction:

    Isn’t it ironic that all the big women in the ratings department in Fox News are leaving and going to NBC/MSNBC? Complete opposite of what I expected (or the Murdoch sons, as I’ve read). Seems Fox News is going to go all out for white conservative males? Wonder what Stacey Dash is thinking?

    • Tam

      That she will get a promotions . AA outreach or something.

    • IAmMikeBrown

      But…..they let Melissa Harris Perry go….

      • Tam

        NBC protected Trump during the elections too.

      • Negro Libre

        True…

        They did her dirty with Joy Reid too lol smh

        Anybody watch her show?

        • Hugh Akston

          from time to time but sometimes im kinda looking at her sideways

    • Hugh Akston

      I actually expected that after the whole roger scandal

      Those yt women would have an easier getting into another major network sexual harassment against yt women=yt America the great sympathizer and given that drumpf won it’s only natural they would try to cater to his base* yt women and yt men..

      • Negro Libre

        Yes and No.

        I’ve been reading a lot about the business side of Fox News and how Murdoch’s sons were planning on building the business around Megyn Kelly. The sons are generally more progressive than pops was, plus they could tell where the wind was blowing. She turned down a lot of money to leave Fox News, because the Murdoch’s had already promised her way more money than anyone else in business. Greta’s thing is a little different.

        Also, Fox News usually killed it in the numbers with women they had in prime-time (ratings were way better than Rachel Maddow). I think they definitely had leverage, and other networks are betting that they can soak out of Fox News base, but I don’t think those numbers are going to translate much.

    • Janelle Doe

      They have been welcomed to NBC for diversity NL…

  • Otherjen

    I had a disturbing conversation last summer with a very White middle-aged, middle-class guy. He was excited to vote for Trump because he “was gonna shake sh*t up!” I mumbled something about being a Mexican-American woman but had to leave before I completely lost it. I cannot deal with that level of nihilism, especially from someone who isn’t going to be affected unless Trump actually does start launching nukes.

    This is not an uncommon worldview. A lot of White people want to “shake sh*t up” because they’re sure they’ll come out on top.

    • ladyfresh

      Rather they don’t want anybody else to have what they rightfully think is theirs. They’d rather kill everyone and themselves before losing anything they think is theirs or might potentially be theirs. If they can’t have it no one can. Sound familiar?
      Yeah.
      America is pretty much in an abusive relationship.

    • nillalatte

      The sad ‘truth’ about shaking it up is that the grass is not always greener on the other side. If they *really* wanted to shake it up, they’d stop voting Cuckservative (thank you for giving me an opportunity to use that word and I apologize at the same time). IJS

      • Negro Libre

        Be very careful using that word lol

        End up with a pack of trollish beetlejuices.

        That being said, seeing what’s going on all over the world and the increasing desire for nationalism, even in non-european countries (Japan and South Korea have been upping their military for war against China and North Korea respectively), Trump seems somewhat inevitable in retrospect.

        • TheUnsungStoryteller

          Ummm…yeah especially since North Korea is testing bombs that could possibly reach Guam or the pacific coast…

          And all Trump can say is IT WONT HAPPEN.

          Okay, try them.

        • nillalatte

          TBH, I don’t even know if I get the full meaning of that word. I read a really…um… interesting article a couple of days ago (that I probably could never find again) and that was my first wtf is this word intro. lol But, if it gets white male nationalists/supremacists all pissed off, I’m gonna use the crap out of it!- and inappropriately :D

          Yeah, the question is how will governments stabilize with everyone being so nationalistic?

          • Cheech

            It doesn’t get them pissed off; it’s actually their rallying cry. That’s what they like to call conservatives who are not white spermacist nazy blowholes.

            (tried some misspelling there to avoid bat-signaling them.)

            • nillalatte

              Thanks Cheech. I know not. I missed like 5011 KKK meetings and I don’t hang on brafbrat. Once I read their comments because Hugh brought the name of the site up here, so I’m like, what that? I could have been warned. Miserable people.

          • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

            Nationalistic aggression was one contributing factor to World Wars too.

    • King Beauregard

      I know a white guy — the sort of guy who’s in his 40s, had several D U I s, has trouble holding a job, gets food assistance, his mom still helps support him — and he thinks Trump is awesome because he will shake things up and also all politicians are the same. I think there’s a pattern here.

    • Val

      “A lot of White people want to “shake sh*t up” because they’re sure they’ll come out on top.”

      And that’s what it all boils down to.

      • Asiyah

        They’re bored and want all of us to suffer as a result.

        • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

          Indeed.

        • pls

          Agreed! Dave Chappelle did a stand up where he referred to what we call “white peopleing” as boredom. They live life on the edge because they don’t have to worry about dying during a routine traffic stop.

          • Looking4Treble

            D.L. Hughley said something similar in one of his stand ups, where he remarked “White folks can get away with being daredevils. Black folks don’t need to be daredevils, because it’s dangerous enough just being Black. If we are looking for some excitement, we will roll three deep in a nice neighborhood with a taillight out”. #TellTheTruth

          • Brother Mouzone

            I actually told a wydude this year’s ago. He asked me why Black dudes don’t cliff dive, swim with sharks, and other “on the edge” activities. I told him we live live on the edge everytime we leave home, we don’t need EXTRA danger to make us feel alive.

            • Mochasister

              Chile, ain’t that truth. Who needs an adrenaline rush when just walking to the store or buying Chinese food can turn deadly in an instant.

              • grownandsexy2

                lol. Girl, where you been? Being black is being on the edge, truth be told.

                • Mochasister

                  I’ve been trying to psych myself up to get ready to go back to work and deal with these 2.0 Bebe’s kids (or gremlins that have been fed after midnight. Take your pick.). How you doing? I agree 100% about how being Black is living on the edge. White folks don’t want that kind of “rush”, do they?

                  • grownandsexy2

                    lol @ Bebe’s kids. I’m surviving. Trying to get used to the idea of the holiday being behind me. I still have my tree up though. lol. Those Chinese stores are shooting galleries aren’t they? Why?

                  • Blackberry02

                    Oh, you have babies? ?

                    • Mochasister

                      Naw, I’m a teacher. We had a nice little three week Christmas/winter break and now I got to go back. Sigh. Tries to remember that it is a blessing to even have a job.

                    • Blackberry02

                      Lol!

                      Yes, Mo. I remember the feeling. Deep breathing helps. (Well, it did for me.)

            • lkeke35

              Exactly! Every time I step out my front door, to work, to the store, to the post office, is an adventure for me.

            • sophiepeaches

              Yeah, cause white people are killing them, right? Idiot.

              • Brother Mouzone

                You luuuuuve following Black men don’t you? Why is your obsession so strong? Only an idiot(see what I did there?) would stress over what Black people are talking about on a blog. You’re either a crazy idiot, or a sexually repressed racist who is obsessed with Black d*ck…lol. Which is it? Lol.

            • La Bandita

              I try not to have a panic attack when my husband is a little late coming home from work. I do alot of yoga.

      • The thing is there is no guarantee that they’ll come out on top like they used to. The world has changed so much from back in the day.

        Look at how many of them can’t make it today with all the privileges they have. What are they going to do when certain benefits and support systems start to go.

        • lkeke35

          I always ask myself that. If a white male can’t succeed in life when they have microwave ovens, air conditioning, and cars at their disposal, what makes them think they gonna make it when electricity is gone and there’s no more gas? This ain’t no movie where the only other competition they got are other suburban white males.

        • La Bandita

          This. They are struggling in this delay adulthood state. Extending childhood until 37.

      • Mochasister

        No matter who’s in office white people will be taken care of. Democrats or Republicanso this country and it’s government was created for them. They can afford to “shake sh*the up.”

    • HyperSpiral

      They want to upend the status quo, but also their old, pre-Obamacare healthcare plan and the exact same union factory/coal mining job there dad had.

    • lkeke35

      This explains all of the apocalypse narratives that fill up so much of their popular media. The race wars and zombie apocalypses that a certain segment of powerless white male fantasizes about so much. Once everything is destroyed they think that women will flock to them, PoC will bow down to their survivalist superiority, they can start slavery over, or just kill off PoC all together. It’s all power fantasy bullsh***!

  • King Beauregard

    White people can’t imagine a hëll on earth that could affect them. That’s why they’re the ones most likely to blunder us into it.

  • So I got drunk on New Years because sober wife was watching the kids and it was New ear’s Eve. We are the only Black People, We have 2 friends that know us and there are two other White people. A college professor and his girlfriend. I just threw a grenade out there along the lines of “These folks are happy. They punk azzes prolly voted for Trump.” Because drunk… and a niqqa at heart. Right after, I thought I had just killed a perfectly good party in backwoods Missouri. Luckily we all hated Trump continued getting our drink on (with scull head vodka, which I highly recommend).

    I’m starting to think that White folks are headed to a civil war. Not like a soft one, like one where Texas tries to leave the union…

    • Question

      This is my thinking too. Its easy to say that white folks are all aligned cuz they voted for Trump en masse*. They aren’t. Even the alt-right White nationalist poster-boys are starting to turn on each other.

      And Trump is likely to lead to more discord among White people, except that now they won’t be able to blaming on the “race-baiting” Black president.

      • FeeFee

        “And Trump is likely to lead to more discord among White people, except that now they won’t be able to blaming on the “race-baiting” Black president.”–Which is the only thing that has me believing that if there is indeed a God, that he works in mysterious ways.

      • Ari

        They’ll still find a way to blame it on Obama.

        • Cleojonz

          They most certainly will. Some people honestly believe 9/11 was his fault even though it was 7 year before he was even elected.

          • Ari

            That would be hilarious if it weren’t so sad.

          • Blackberry02

            Never mind that Bush was president.

        • Brother Mouzone

          I said the same before I scrolled down and saw your comment..great minds…

        • Blackberry02

          I’m certain of it.

        • sophiepeaches

          Like he blamed Bush for 8 loooong years.

          • La Bandita

            Liar.

      • Brother Mouzone

        When he fcuKS up the country, they will still find a way to blame Obama.

    • Asiyah

      I’d support Texit if it weren’t for all the Latinos, Blacks, and Middle Eastern people I know live there and will be seriously affected by that.

    • Blackberry02

      “I just threw a grenade out there along the lines of “These folks are happy. They punk azzes prolly voted for Trump.” Because drunk… and a niqqa at heart.”

      LOL. It’s okay. We still love you.

      • I so want to be a better person.

        • Blackberry02

          Embrace who you are.

          • I kinda feel like that won’t go well for other people. In the end, I do it for the people. Whatever ‘it’ is.

            • Strawberry03

              LOL!

  • Ms.Moon

    White people had been at the top of every hierarchy for so long now that brown* people are on the come up they cannot handle it (Asians are kinda heaped in with the browns since they are not exactly considered white and India is definitely brown). After centuries of dominating brown people in colonial situations now that Asia is definitely rising and the United States is rapidly browning so many white folks are losing their minds. The sad part is what they are objecting to is equality for all peoples, women, men, black, brown, lgbtq, everyone starting in about the same place here in the United States and just the idea of this kills them every time. I have hope for younger white folks because after this Trump if we survive him because they seem to be a bit more engaged and not so hung up on dominating things and or people.
    I really can’t with the racism and misogyny of old white folks and thankfully they are dying out and thanks to Paul Ryan and the GOP wanting to get rid of Obamacare, Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security they may die faster so silver lining.

    • Brother Mouzone

      Dylan Roof is young, and he’s just one of millions.

      • Brother Mouzone

        In response to having hope for young whites.

    • sophiepeaches

      You are delusional.

      • La Bandita

        You are obsessed.

  • Mary Burrell

    Been reading several blog post about White people. This is the third one today. Hmm…..???

    • FeeFee

      I think there’s going to a be a lot of that for the next four years. And I’m delighted to just sit back and watch.

      • Mary Burrell

        Yep.

      • Assuming we all don’t get nuked.

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