Everything Makes Sense If You Accept That White People Just Want Everyone And Everything Dead
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Although the best and most memorable part of The Usual Suspects occurs in the last five minutes, when Agent Kujan puts the pieces on the bulletin board together and slowly realizes that Verbal Kint is in fact Keyser Soze, my favorite part comes a half hour or so before that scene.
Dean Keaton and the rest of the crew ambush and prepare to murder Kobayashi, but stop mid-murdering when Kobayashi tells and shows Keaton that he brought Edie Finneran (Keaton’s lawyer girlfriend) in town for a legal matter — a thinly-veiled way of informing Keaton that she’ll totally, definitely die if they go through with the murder.
Kobayashi then completely takes the veil away and makes things plain:
Get your rest, Gentlemen. The boat will be ready for you on Friday. If I see you or any of your friends before then, Miss. Finneran will find herself the victim of a most gruesome violation before she dies. As will your father, Mr. Hockney. and your Uncle Randall in Arizona, Mr. Kint. I might only castrate Mr. McManus’s nephew, David. Do I make myself clear?
I don’t really have a particularly insightful reason for this being my favorite scene. I just think it’s a really bad-ass thing to say to a group of dudes who were a second away from blowing your brains out 60 seconds ago.
Anyway, I’m thinking about this movie today because it helps to put the last three months of American politics in a certain context. Of course, we all know that White people went full capital letter White People and elected Donald Trump President; an act that seemed not to make any sense until you realize that it actually made perfect sense. Today, however, I had an Agent Kujan at the bulletin board epiphany. I even dropped my milkshake in slow motion on the floor.
Capital Letter White People want everyone dead. Not just us (Black people) or Muslims or Mexicans or Colin Kaepernick. But everyone.
Before you dismiss this, consider the following:
1. They elected a man who A) is literally a tweet away from starting a series of events that would culminate in a nuclear war and who B) apparently gives no fucks about the fact that he’s literally a tweet away from starting a series of events that would culminate in a nuclear war
2. They voted for an incoming administration that A) considers the scientifically proven reality of global warming a debatable opinion the same way someone might say that Kyle Lowry might be better than John Wall and B) will do every in its power to halt and reverse whatever progress the country and the planet has made with climate change
3. They desperately want to repeal Obamacare and defund Planned Parenthood; ultimately snatching health benefits and free and/or reduced cost health care away from millions of Americans — which will totally, definitely result in more dead Americans
When you add the disturbing and kinda, sorta sexual obsession with retaining and stockpiling firearms, there’s really no other conclusion left to be made. At least not one that makes more sense.
Verbal Kint is Keyser Soze. White people want everyone dead. I need another milkshake.