Everyone Can’t Be Beautiful…And That’s Ok!!!

Posted on by

While reorganizing a couple of my closets a few weeks ago, I came across a few folders saved from my time as an educator. After going through the usual reminisces (ie: “Wow. David Jones. I wonder if he ever graduated college?”) and projections (ie: “Wow. Sasha Johnson. I’m sure she’s one of the top strippers hairdressers in Atlanta now.”) that occur when seeing names you haven’t seen in a while, I found the evaluations of a couple dozen or so students who were assigned to complete a semester long project.

Although these evaluations were based on their work on the project, they were specifically tailored to each student, providing a panoramic assessment of all of their work so far that year. But, although they were supposed to be unique to each student’s particular characteristics, I noticed the same word popping up in every single one of the evaluations: Smart

One was “…hard-working, smart, and funny.” Another was “…laidback, smart, but occasionally disinterested.” One was even “…too smart to just be a distraction.” There was a variation of smart in each of the 25 or so evaluations I read. Thing is, at least 10 (and as many as 15) of those evaluations were lies. I did not have a classroom full of smart kids. Some were decidedly unsmart. A couple were f*cking idiots.

If you take 25 random high school students, some of them are going to be smart, some of them are going to be average, and some are going to be below average. That’s just the way the world works, and in my own rush to assign above average intelligence to each student, I lied. It wasn’t an intentional lie, but it was a lie nonetheless.

And, to be clear, just because a student doesn’t have above-average intelligence doesn’t mean that I needed to call them stupid or dumb. There are thousands of other positive adjectives that can be used—adjectives that would do a better job of truly describing a student than just falling back on “smart”—and it’s the job of a teacher/evaluator to find and incorporate them. But, in my haste to make everyone feel good, I failed them.

I thought of this yesterday while reading an online excerpt of a magazine profile on a notable female celebrity. This woman is many very positive things—extremely smart, talented, witty, accomplished, graceful, engaging, noble, athletic, altruistic, rich, etc—but “beautiful” is not one of them. I will not say who this person was, but trust me when I tell you that hers wouldn’t be the 1st, 2nd, or 122nd name thought of when thinking of beautiful celebrities. Yet, when the author of the piece was describing her, “beautiful” was stuck in there, so obviously perfunctory and so obviously wrong that I re-read the paragraph to make sure they were still talking about the same person.

I realize that beauty, like intelligence—shit, like everything-–is relative. I also realize that exactly what constitutes beauty varies from person to person. (Well, varies somewhat.) But, while reasonable people will agree that most people aren’t smart or tall or athletic—because, well, the definitions of tall, smart, and athletic are inherently exclusionary—some of these same reasonable people throw reason out the window when beauty is in the picture.

And, when you allow a self-conscious political correctness to stretch the definition of a superlative adjective to include everyone, three things occur.

1. It makes the word meaningless

Basically, if everyone is beautiful, no one is beautiful.

2. It sets people up for unnecessary scrutiny

If I’m setting a homegirl up with one of my boys, and I describe him as “tall” even though he  is 5’9”—which is technically taller than the average American male—I’ve basically set her up to be disappointed, made myself seem like a liar, and set him up for a shitload of unnecessary judgment.

It’s not that I should have just called him short. If I would have focused on his other positive qualities, his height probably wouldn’t have been an issue. But, by stretching the truth, I’d  likely end up creating a situation where he’s facing an uphill battle because she’s spending the first 15 minutes of the date thinking to herself “I know this n*gga Champ didn’t have the nerve to call this dude tall! WTF?”

And, most importantly…

3. It does the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to do

I realize that this push to make everyone beautiful exists so that the Halle Berrys of the world—women who are almost impossibly gorgeous—aren’t the only ones made to feel pretty, appreciated, attractive, and, most importantly, valuable. And, while I do think beautiful is overused, there are two sets of people who can never use that word too much when describing the women they care about: fathers and significant others. Daughters should always be made to feel beautiful by their dads, and women have no business being in relationships with men who don’t make them feel like they’re uniquely beautiful.

But, while the intent is noble, bending over backwards to call every woman beautiful does nothing but reinforce the idea that beauty is the only trait a woman can possibly possess that matters. It doesn’t matter if she’s a genius, legitimately brilliant, outrageously witty, or impossibly accomplished. She can cure cancer, swim across the Pacific, ghostproduce the rest of “Detox” for Dr. Dre, and perform a successful exorcism on Katt Williams, but beautiful still has to somehow find its way into any description of her.

I know, I know, I know, I know. There’s a disproportionate premium on a woman’s beauty/physical attraction (or lack thereof), and it’s unfair to suggest that women stop doing something that’s only done because of male influence. This may be true, but continually testing the elasticity of the definition of beautiful to fit everyone isn’t the way to change that. It worsens it actually, reemphasizing the idea that making the covers of Time, People, Black Enterprise, Wired, Newsweek, The New Yorker, and Rolling Stone doesn’t matter if you’re not also on the cover of Vogue. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

524 thoughts on “Everyone Can’t Be Beautiful…And That’s Ok!!!”

  4. Yeah I don’t particularly take the word “beautiful” serious anymore when men call me beautiful. I feel like they are saying it just to say but don’t sincerely mean it. I also agree that the word is used in excess and really out of context. I do believe Halle Berry is pretty, I don’t think she is beautiful.

    Reply ↓

  6. “I thought of this yesterday while reading an online excerpt of a magazine profile on a notable female celebrity. This woman is many very positive things—extremely smart, talented, witty, accomplished, graceful, engaging, noble, athletic, altruistic, rich, etc—but “beautiful” is not one of them. I will not say who this person was, but trust me when I tell you that hers wouldn’t be the 1st, 2nd, or 122nd name thought of when thinking of beautiful celebrities. Yet, when the author of the piece was describing her, “beautiful” was stuck in there, so obviously perfunctory and so obviously wrong that I re-read the paragraph to make sure they were still talking about the same person.”

    *shots fired!!!!*

    Although Champ won’t name any names, anyone have a clue on his blind item?

    *starts mess all up in this post*

    Reply ↓

  7. Everything in society is so PC now, and it’s turned us into a bunch of wusses if u ask me. Everybody has to be “beautiful” or “smart” or whatever, just like champ said. We need to keep it real with our children; it’s a vital part of building character. No, everyone does NOT get a T-ball trophy, only the winning team. No, you do NOT go on to the next grade with your classmates if you get failing grades. If you’re unattractive, then shoooot U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi you ugly!!!

    Reply ↓

  8. Yeah, the word is way overused. I don’t even think it should be used to describe looks. There are some women who are truly “fine” but real beauty is intangible. Is Halle Berry beautiful? She is fine but ask one of her ex’s if she’s beautiful. Genuine love is beautiful, and maybe the only truly beautiful thing. Read the Bible’s description of love and if you can find someone to give that to you you will have seen a beautiful thing.

    Reply ↓

  9. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t care that who I find beautiful is ugly to you. [not you Champ, just folks in general]

    This post brings to mind, TQ Fuego’s MUST read blogpost about being brutally honest I do not advocate for PC’ness, neither do I advocate for assholishness, in the name of keeping it real, and telling it as is. Beauty is a VERY sensitive topic, especially as it relates to women. If she is not your cup of your tea, ain’t no need to clown/comment/point out the obvious her, or loudly assert your thoughts. Not everything is worth giving an opinion on….keep it moving.

    Reply ↓

    • Thanks for the shoutout Mami. That post really did get a lot of convo going because there’s so much to say about it. Shoutout to all the VSBs and VSSs that participated (it’ll be the latest post until 9AM today).

      As far as what you said about this post though, beauty is a very sensitive topic so it’s not one to be brutally honest about. Maybe in the privacy of your immediate circle but NEVER in front of the person you’re talking about (unless it’s in retaliation to a personal insult aimed at you i guess).

      I’m with u though, because I never felt the need to bash or assert my opinion that a chick was unattractive/ugly though. When asked I try to be respectful with my wordingeven when she’s not present (or I just say “nah I don’t think she is”), but sometimes just for the sake of humor…ya kno…it’s all in good fun though. The good news is that it’s all so subjective that my opinion doesn’t even matter anyway or it shouldn’t matter to anybody but me and the people who are or would like to be close to me…

      Reply ↓

    • “If she is not your cup of your tea, ain’t no need to clown/comment/point out the obvious her, or loudly assert your thoughts. Not everything is worth giving an opinion on….keep it moving.”

      +1

      Reply ↓

    • ” If she is not your cup of your tea, ain’t no need to clown/comment/point out the obvious her, or loudly assert your thoughts. Not everything is worth giving an opinion on….keep it moving.”

      I actually think this could be/should be a unisex concept. Going out of your way to point out how someone isn’t what you desire seems needlessly cruel and hurtful. I don’t see the motivation in wanting to be either of these things… but I also see that it might be difficult to avoid participation. Folks are sensitive to what they perceive to be their shortcomings… Some men like long hair, should they not express that to make those with short hair less self conscious? Some women like tall men, should they keep that to themselves so as to not make shorter men feel less self conscious?

      Very few of us hit the genetic lottery, most of us win the “scratch offs” version of DNA, we all get a little something but never really the jackpot. There is always something about us physically that we wish we could change, something about us that is not the preference of others. But at what point does it become our responsibility to love ourselves enough to be ok with our perceived imperfections, and ok with the fact that we aren’t going to appeal to everyone? (Rhetorical question)

      Reply ↓

    • “If she is not your cup of your tea, ain’t no need to clown/comment/point out the obvious her, or loudly assert your thoughts. Not everything is worth giving an opinion on….keep it moving.”

      i agree in that there’s no need to be going around telling people they aint beautiful. that’s just cold and shit. i just think certain words lose their meaning and become self-defeating when they’re used too much

      Reply ↓

    • YESSSSSSSS ONE THOUSAND TIMES!!! PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT!!!

      Especially on things that are so subjective and so touchy.

      Judge not, lest ye be judged.

      Reply ↓

  10. While I totally understand (and agree) with The Champ’s point here, I must throw out there the usage of the word “beautiful” in its non-physical sense. You know… that “inner beauty” people like to talk about when they can’t talk about your physical beauty (because it’s lacking)! Perhaps that’s the beauty the author of the article referenced in regard to the celebrity. :)

    I do also agree with iamnotakata… I do find that there are a lot of men that will throw that word around without always being genuine. Every woman they see walking down the street whose number they want to attain is “beautiful” if saying so can get them to stop in their tracks…

    Reply ↓

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>