Yesterday I wrote about being the dumper in a relationship. For all intents and purposes, you generally want to be that person. Who wants to be the other person who ends up standing in the rain with a wilted daffodil and a box of Goobers? Nobody. That’s who.
The thing that sucks most about being the dumpee is that usually closure doesn’t happen (and that you got dumped). I tend to think that closure isn’t always necessary. Then again, I like Ray J. But missing out on closure can render you a prisoner to your thoughts and every possible worst-case scenario then runs through your mind like Sonic the Hedeghog on speed. And it comes with the worst kind of pain-emptiness.
Even worse, you can’t give into any and every urge you have to stab the person who hurt you and took your cookies. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, getting dumped is ass. Because we’ve all been there and have hopefully learned from those tough, tough times, we here at VSB feel like we can provide some guidelines of what you shouldn’t do if you’re the dumpee in order to maintain some semblance of sanity.
10 THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T DO IF YOU GET TOLD TO KICK ROCKS
1. You shouldn’t call them every 5 minutes to curse them out like you want to do. Why? For one they’re not going to answer every time and a person like me isn’t actually going to ALLOW you to curse me out. Basically you’re expending a lot of energy you could be putting to more constructive activities, like mast*rb*tion or making Kool-Aid.
2. Don’t watch every sappy ass romantic movie you can think of. Why torture yourself…plus, chances are you didn’t really have that romance in the first place. You were more like Treach and Lisa-Nicole Carson in Jason’s Lyric.
3. Don’t re-read every email you have from them saved in their special folder. There generally aren’t any signs of your demise. Most people don’t exactly send you an email that says, “b*tch, i’d like you to die three ways from Tuesday.” The emails usually say “hello. how are you? i like your toes.”
4. At the same time, don’t delete them all either. What else are you going to read on those lonely Sundays. You’re alone now.
5. Do not follow them like they’re step-by-step directions from Google maps on Facebook or MySpace. This is such a bad look. You’ll never see what you want to see and you’ll see everything you don’t want to see, whether or not there’s actually anything to see. Get it? Got it? Good.
5b. If they have a blog…don’t read their blog everyday looking for some glimmer of hope that they’re going to write about how they miss you. They don’t. They’re going to write about Beyonce and Jay-Z — who are, ya know, still together.
6. Don’t pretend that you’re not broken up either. It’s just not a good look and just like white people know a Black person when they see one (don’t believe that Imitation of Life nonsense), people can sniff out a delusional person like a dog in heat in Miami.
7. Don’t cut up their sweatshirt that is still in your possession. That’s just wrong. And what if you want to wear it someday later? Now look what ya done did.
8. You also probably shouldn’t go having frivolous relations with some random cat on some getback vengeful type stuff. You know what happens then? Pregnancy.
9. Don’t cry yourself to sleep (if you can help it). Just watch porn.
And this is the most important one…
10. Do not forget that you didn’t lose them…they lost you. Truth be told, they may have done you a favor by removing themselves from your life.
Besides, there’s always SOMEBODY else that wants to sleep with you.
-PANAMA JACKSON AKA VSB P
P.S. It’s my birthday. Love me.
Happy Birthday Panama!!
(and stop publicly admitting that you like Ray J’s music)
I thought the ray j comment was in reference to his porn, not his music. Am I wrong?
@ Miss P – I thought so too…in my mind Ray J = PORN! I mean come on…”music”? no way!
Yes, you are wrong. I’ve never actually seen Ray J’s porn. And my life is better for it.
funny that’s how i feel about my life without his music. i think his sex tape actually helped his record sales. (lol) i’m gonna leave you alone now…it’s your day and you can listen to all the bad music you want!
I will not stop admitting I like Ray-J’s music. In fact, I turned quite a few people onto Ray J’s last album, Raydiation.
You being one of them. Admit it. You like Ray J’s music.
I will have to say that “wait a minute” and “sexy can I” are two songs that I like, but won’t admit anywhere else but on Vee-Ess-Bee…only cuz it’s ya burfday dude!
“Raydiation.”
i’m sorry, p, but just the title alone made me dry heave
thank you.
Good list. Unfortunately I’m guiltyof #’s 2, 3, 4, 9…and I’ll just plead the fifth on a few others…
“and I’ll just plead the fifth on a few others…”
…and we all know what that means
Happy Birthday!!
Thanks for the birthday shout. And I’d kick myself if I didn’t ask you what “Panama’s First” meant?
Haha..I can imagine..I was gonna be the first to “love you”. I am kinda sorry for the implication but was on here soon after you posted, and since I did not get around to hitting the submit button until an hour or so after, a couple of folks ended up submitting their comments before mine. Why did I not explain myself with a follow up comment, you ask? The opportunity to mess wit ya, ofcourse
. Hope you are having a wonderful birthday!
“You were more like Treach and Lisa-Nicole Carson in Jason’s Lyric.” This cured me of the blues I was feeling 3.5 seconds ago. Thank you and enjoy your b-day and shit.
Happy Birthday Panama! (ah-ha, a twin) Great list…I’m all too familiar with the slow torture of #s 2 & 3: sappy romantic movies/comedies and the rereading of old sappy correspondence. Don’t know why I do it…in the moment you convince yourself that it’s cathartic but it’s just plain masochistic. I’m not one to destroy things like clothes and/or other belongings but i have thrown things away without a second thought. I don’t know why but i usually hold onto pictures…it’s still a part of my life and so far my life is well documented in still photography.
Also, it’s not a good idea to play your favorite songs “as a couple” on constant replay as you cry yourself to sleep…it’s sort of like twisting the knife in your heart over and over again….so i’ve heard.
“in the moment you convince yourself that it’s cathartic but it’s just plain masochistic”
future entry topic.
and men are sadists…don’t forget that part either.
Thanks.
And ya know, as much as I love music and am actively involved in music, I’ve never really had a song that defined any of my relationships. Strange…
so the words “this is our song” have never come out of your mouth in all your years of dating? well, then on some level i guess that’s a good thing…no tortuous playlists.
Maybe you should taken a listen to Marvin Sease’s music, it might be able to define your relationships. I believe every man has a little Marvin in em!
LOL!!! Marvin Sease is the epitome of a dirty old man. I’m ashamed I know who he his.
Happy Birthday buddy.
Thanks pal!
nothing like Gemini love – happy birthday fellow twin!
I recommend taking a nice vacation to France or Italy to get over a bad break up. By time you get back, that person will be a distant memory. If money is an issue, take a trip to the spa or go out with the buddies. Basically stay as busy as possible until the initial pain of getting dumped goes away.
“I recommend taking a nice vacation to France or Italy to get over a bad break up.”
how about scranton, pa?
to the federal prison?
nah, just the comfort inn in downtown scranton. they have great windows.
A trip does wonders!!! My ex broke up with me right before I was going abroad through school and not only did I get over my ex and move on, but I met a really great guy while I was overseas who happened to live close to my hometown. When I came back, I felt really good and my friends said that I was glowing and they’ve never seen me so happy. My ex was begging me to come back to him but I was over him by the time I returned.
yeh, trips do wonders. volunteering is also a good option- it takes you outside of your own head and puts the focus on someone else.
As Miss Paterson stated, don’t listen to those “as a couple” songs. It’s probably best to create a playlist consisting of all the “break-up songs” listed in the post a few days ago.
Happy Born Day homie.
my personal break up playlist is entitled “holler.”
opening track? “Step” by Salt-n-Pepa
My joint is “Tramp”… trashing and up beat!
I have to be a fan of Bohemian Rhapsody…lol.
first verse, “momma just killed a man…put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he’s dead…” …lol, yeah that song is the shit!!
You know what else is the shit?
Shawty.
lol! That is the cut.
I feel you homie! I am actually quite the fan of Mya’s “I hope you die” song, now that is a classic break up song:
“You can get struck by lighting,
Washed away by the sea
Burned in a fire,
Just don’t bring it back to me ’cause,
If you died I wouldn’t cry ’cause you never loved me anyway…
(chrous)
I hope you never have to come this way again
(This way again)
You used to be my lover and my friend
(That was the end)
So please don’t take offence, when I say what I have to say,
“Cause if you died I wouldn’t cry ’cause you never loved me anyway
Thanks for the love pimpin.
Big ups on ya earthday!!
I agree with the list, though I do think you should throw out SOME things immediately, not pics per se, but smaller items that are too painful to look at. Or put them in a box and ask ya best friend to keep it in her trunk!!
Yeah I agree that you shouldn’t throw everything out – reduce, reuse, recycle! I’ve never been dumped, but since my last break-up was downright hostile, I’ve used my ex’s shoes as doorstoppers, his clothes as dusting rags, and his CDs as coasters. Although it’ll all eventually end up in the trash, nothing gets wasted along the way!
And Happy Bday Panama! Guess what – it’s MY BDAY too!!! (No, really!
)
Hi-five KindredSmile. June 3 is such a wondrous day.
you know, june 3rd was also the release date of wu-tang forever” in 1997. not sure why i’m telling you all this or why i even remember.
i think i need a drink
Ahh but June 6 is slightly sweeter, my good pal.
Thanks.
What kind of items are that painful to look at though? I’m a sentimental chap, but even I don’t think I’d have anything that painful to look at. I can understand wanting to get rid of their shit just for closure’s sake though.
Happy Birthday Panama!!!
Another thing to add to the list–do not contact their mama, brother or sister or best friend hoping they can get them to take you back. It’s over–move on.
“do not contact their mama, brother or sister or best friend hoping they can get them to take you back.”
yeah. this is just sad
I agree! It’s best to just end contact with family/friends. It’s hard though when you have mutual friends. I’ve had friends in relationships where I was cool with both the boyfriend & girlfriend, but when their relationships ended, they expected me to end my friendship with one of them.
Thanks…and yes, family contact for purposes of relationship resurgence is just ungood.
I’ve had that happen a lot though. Chicks would call my sisters thinking they’d help them out. My sisters don’t play that. They’ll record the message and put it on MySpace under “Bitchassness”
dayem! an audio file on myspace…that’s pretty brutal. this is why it’s a good idea to reclaim all evidence of your mushiness after the break-up and to avoid creating new humiliation in the weeks/months following the break up.
LMAO! This is very true
“4. At the same time, don’t delete them all either. What else are you going to read on those lonely Sundays. You’re alone now.”
ok. i almost choked on my pink grapefruit and chicken after reading this. good job.
and yeah, welcome to the “last stop before 30″. i hope you enjoy your stay as much as i have.
Are you on some type of special diet?
Your culinary combinations are extremely creative.
nah….he’s PREGNANT!
i like to keep food on it’s toes so it never knows which way i’m gonna hit em
Happy Born Day Panama!!!!
(Am I the only vain one who would have lead with that info??)
-Dont respond to any phone calls or e-mails you get from their friends. I have an ex (who left me) whose homeboys still call or email me every once in awhile.
-Dont go to the spots you all used to frequent together.
-Dont discuss your hurt feeling with your overprotective, unstable, dont give a fuck girlfriend. They will have you plotting that dudes slow painful demise.
-Dont listen to Beyonce’s Ring the Alarm on repeat while riding to work for a week straight. That shit will have you plotting his slow, painful demise (Speaking from experience)
-Dont pretend that shit doesnt hurt. If you need to cry, damnit cry. And do it as often as necessary to ensure you dont catch a major case of BBS
-Dont give yourself a timetable to be over it. It will happen when it happens and you wont even realize it when it does.
-Dont drunk dial. Self explanatory.
what’s BBS?
Bitter Bitch Syndrome
ha ha! love it!
Thanks and:
“-Dont discuss your hurt feeling with your overprotective, unstable, dont give a fuck girlfriend. They will have you plotting that dudes slow painful demise.”
Seems like this would be a major component of BBS. You know, we may need to do a post about a woman’s friends effect on her relationships.
Man’s friends? Usually don’t care unless she’s a whore.
Happy Birthday, Panama!
Danke schonn.
I really wish I knew where the accents and shit were so that actually looked like the German term for Thank you.
umlau on the ‘o’; thus, schön. (I had to do it)
Happy Birthday Panama! I co-sign on your list. The worst is seeing happy couples on the street holding hands and all sappy & shit. I have a new rule and I have up to 2 weeks to get over it and then move on. There’s no point in wasting time on someone who was stupid enough to let you go in the first place. They’re just moving out of the way for the person that’s meant to be there for you…
Are you actually able to hold yourself to that 2 week rule? I’m asking b/c it seems like an awful finite amount of time to deal with something that can be outwardly and inwardly devastating.
Two weeks and a day though. Totally makes sense.
haha. 2 weeks and a day is much better:)
i’ll add “delete them and their friends from your flickr contacts, your myspace and facebook friends’ list, and your IM buddy lists. then set up filters so that their email — if they send it, as my ex did even though he did th dumping — goes straight to the trash.”
you don’t want to see a photo or blog post or status message that will make you throw a brick through their front windshield.
LUVITMANE!
Happy bday Panama!
I would add…don’t get drunk any time soon after the breakup…that increases the risk of drunk call/texting…not pretty.
Thanks and yes.it.does.
I feel encouraged to add to #5…
If you get dumped, do not show up at the dumper’s job or place of residence for a surprise recap of why the relationship is over. This is a terrible look. Yes, people this has happen to me. Even worse, don’t show up crying. Sigh.
Happy Birthday PJ…party like it’s 2008 because well it is 2008.
Yup! I would also add don’t date someone at work because if it ends, it’s not pretty. This happened to me when I was younger and the guy would not leave me alone at work and wanted to know why it was over.
Yeah. I dated someone at work once and it was a bad look. This man literally started crying at school in front of the kids after I broke it off. Luckily no one knew it was over me…that is until he got drunk at the Black staff Christmas party and started slow dancing with the Xmas tree talking about it could have been us. lmao Ah, good times.
LMAO!
This has happened to me too! When my ex showed up at my house talkin bout “but, it’s the anniversary of the first time we kissed”, I called the police on general principle. I’ve seen too many episodes of Law & Order to end up a victim!
“but, it’s the anniversary of the first time we kissed”
wow. you should have replied “well, this day next year will be the first anniversary of the time i had your ass arrested”
Is it 2008 already???? Thanks Queen.
Happy Life Day Panny…lol
I’ve only been dumped a few times and it sucked, one of which was by one of the many ex-fiances I have. That was karma coming back to bite me in the ass and it hurt like hell. The sad thing is that you never really notice how much you hurt someone until it’s been done to you. He just got caught up in the hype of settling down(not my hype of course) and proposed, I said yes…3 months later he reniged(after I moved to another city to be with him…niggas!!). I went pyscho crazy with the emailing, the 5,000 emails we exchanged while he was deployed were all forwarded back to him…lol.
And then about 3 weeks into the separation I met someone else and faded to black. He was caught off guard by my calm manner whenever he saw me out and still to this day calls and tries to get back together citing that I didn’t try hard enough to keep him, to reassure him that I was all in, to fight for us…nigga please…keep it mutherf@cking moving!! NEXT…!
Did you just call me Panny?!
Lol…yep…we’re all family here pimpin…let the nicknames begin!!
@ TEESH….good one..I like PANNY!
thanks goodie good…lol!
Panny sounds very suspect. lol
Not so much if only females called him that…
NAPPY BIOLOGICAL NEW YEAR, GrandMaster “P”!!!
I agree on this list right here, man…although…I turn on my “KILL YoSELF NIGGA” playlist and box up all your ish and mail it to you! no need for you to come through and get it…I also send all pictures, poems, that jug of nasty ass juice I kept in the fridge because it was your favorite…and all other such fuckery that is residing in MySpace at the time of departure! I also am an emai deleting muhfugguh…you meant the shit at the time, but obviously, you don’t now…don’t think I wont’ “CTRL>ALT>DEL” that ass!
I am a little “exciteable” about this whole “curb appeal” post, because EVERY time…I repeat EVERY time a connection has been ended by someone other than ME…it was because I got cheated on! (shrugging) so in the spirit of my own personal “WTF”ness, I must add:
11. If your relationship ended because you caught your love “slip”-ping into someone else’s “mo-bippy” (shoutout Khan), don’t blame yourself…you could me Cliff/Claire Huxtable 6.0 and still see your wo/man on TV running from Joey Greco when s/he is supposed to be at his/her sick GrannyBingo’s house… Easier said than done, but dig deep, learn from the part you played and “get that dirt off your shoulder”!
@ PanamaJackson…I repeat…Happy Imancipation From The Uterus Day!
“If your relationship ended because you caught your love “slip”-ping into someone else’s “mo-bippy” (shoutout Khan)”
Did I just get swagger jacked? I know Khan did not just get a shout out that belongs to me! Split mo-blippy was coined by your’s truly, let’s not get it twisted!
it’s all love, I’m just saying…that’s my shit.
Uh oh.
Battle Royale!
@ BigBuck (I DO love that name) my bad baby…I think I was drinking on the job that day…you get all the LUV due you…charge it to my e-head, not my e-heart…lol…parenthical citations are my friend…Rumple Minze @ lunch time is not! lol…we good your royal BigBuck-ness??
say bigbuck-ness five times fast.
nah…he is gonna have to MAKE me say it 5 times fast…damn…now I am just being fast…please excuse my dear aunt sally…it’s like Monday the sequel up in here!
We good baby girl, I just don’t want any confusion up in here. If the next time I used that term someone said “Why you biting Khan?” I would have to unleash the BigBuck-ness on their e-ass!
P.S.- Making you say it 5 times fast may n0t be easy but I am confident it can be done. The record so far is 19, so 5 is nothing. LOL! Don’t challenge a country boy!
@BUCK (contemplating the challenge) what part of the South are you in again? you better watch yourself…don’t challenge a Southern SOUL Sista! I didn’t name myself…CHALLENGE!!! LOL
The comments on this blog STAY sexually charged. Lol. It’s bout to be one big ole e-freak fest in here one day.
Big Buck, I was just about to the say the same thing…I knew. Do I credit for knowing that piece of trivia? See, this is why you need to copyright your ish. LOL.
Thanks for the interesting birthday shoutout. Quite colorful terms for birthday.
Drinks on me (on you).
thanks, luv…if you haven’t guessed…I am quite colorful in general…and I LOVE b-earth-days…they are all about YOU…so make it a great one and all that good shit like that there…
Happy birthday VSB P!
Thanks Monnie.
Congratulations On Not Being Aborted!
-What? It was the most creative birthday wish I could come up with at the time.
Just kidding… But for real, have a Happy Birthday and what better way to celebrate your life than by drinking trace amounts of poison in large quantities.
i.e. get drunk as a skunk (can vermin even hold shot glasses?)
#6 should have been #1 to me… Especially if they are already doing all the don’ts from part I… Then you look desperate to all your/their friends and family and anyone else they might have told.
I would also add:
Don’t text them repeatedly for weeks on end about how easily they let go. Chances are they’ve been trying to break away for months and finally found the big hairy balls to do it.
Don’t text/call them late at night crying and then cursing them out. It only reinforces the apparent crazy they already suspected was in you and makes them feel better about their decision instead of worse – which is your ultimate goal.
Don’t try to make them feel bad about breaking up with you. Because when they don’t it will just make you feel even worse than you already did.
Congratulations On Not Being Aborted!”
Best one yet!!! You asked for love Panny and you got it…lol.
…i swear this new layout is screwing me up.
Congratulations On Not Being Aborted!
Deviant, I owe you a quarter because I am going to use that one and claim it as my own. Thank you very much.
“Congratulations On Not Being Aborted!”
If I was drinking pink grapefruit juice…I would have spit it up.
And I consumed large quantities of poison on Saturday night. Hell, I was still feeling the remnants on Monday.
Good list, especially this:
Don’t text/call them late at night crying and then cursing them out. It only reinforces the apparent crazy they already suspected was in you and makes them feel better about their decision instead of worse – which is your ultimate goal.
you are a MESS on the bday greetings man! A MESS! lol
great list, deviant.
“Congratulations On Not Being Aborted!”
Best one yet!!! You asked for love Panny and you got it…lol.
Yes. Yes I did.
Happy Birthday Panama Muhfuckin! From one Gemini to another, keep switching personalities on ‘em! It makes things way more fun!
One more thing to add to the list, don’t show up immediately after getting dumped and have sex with the person in hopes that that will solve the issue and you will be taken back. Not a good look and it doesn’t really work.
Thanks Buck .
And you’re right…the sex won’t do anything but add one more time to number of times you all have had sex. Won’t solve nathan.
true that BUCK…I wish more people couls separate “church” and “state”, but alas, immediate post break up sex is just messy…(and not in a good way)
i second that Goodness. Post break up sex (unless it’s angry sultry sex) ends up being a pathetic exchange of pokes and fake moans. yuck.
oh NO! it’s usually GOOD! but the aftermath…a crying, texting, MySpace-ing, emailing, standing outside in the rain next to the bushes singing “our” song looking MESS! not worth the nasty, swaety porn-star sex that precedes such an event! I can’t afford for my neighbors to call the Pee-Oh… I got warrants and shit!
“angry sultry sex”
this was the original name of verysmartbrothas.com, until we decided to go into another direction
you stoooopid.
but the plantation’s IT Gods would have blocked you…and then what would I do all day? work? (gasp!) FUCKERY!
I just choked on my mango-nana split.
you and Champ be eatin that eclectic-gourmet borderline nasty type-ish!
Happy Birthday P!!
Hope its a good one!
Thanks. It’s been grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Happy Birthday!
Thanks.
Happy Birthday and shit. Are you in your birthday suit?
I have to add (from personal experience) any shared assets or shared items y’all have need to be divvied up, canceled, separated or whatnot IMMEDIATELY after break-up. Immediately after is the only acceptable time. Cut all that shit off ASAP.
I wish I could go back in time and do that.
You know Cheryl, either you’ve been through every possible relationship scenario known to man or you watch A LOT of Lifetime Movies.
neither. only 3 long term relationships ever. and i dont watch lifetime at all. but the last relationship was really a learning experience. i learned love will make me do shit i always said i would never do … and that is where almost all the issues come from. i mean i blame me, not him. i shouldnt have got his ass a cell phone on my plan, nor his son, nor him a second line … but i did. and YEP 7 months after the break-up im still paying the bills. i added him to my car insurance because he didnt have any. he’s still on there. granted, he did pay his portion after i told him either he did or i was going to cut it off (and he had just bought a new car so he had to have it).
if i was truly the demon his god said i was, i’d cut those phones off right now.
im too nice sometimes.
Cheryl, you’re still a good woman if you cut those phone lines off…i promise. Do you want me to do it?…cuz I will.
Happy Birthday Panama !!!
Thanks a million…
For the record I have failed this list. I have only been capable of pulling off number 4. Everything else, I am guilty of having violated. However, what’s in the past is in the past!!
oh wait, and number 8. I’m not that type of chick.
My mama always told me “Mans rejection is GOD’s protection. Amen. Happy Birthday!
Tanks mon!
Happy birthday!
Um, you liking Ray J= you NEVER saying jack about me and the Digable Planets.
Not true…me liking Ray J means I like pop music. He rawks!
LOL…thanks for the birthday wishes Sister.
Ya know, I actually like Digable Planets first album. It’s everything they’ve done since that sucked. And yes-Blowout Comb? Ass.
So now you are a 47 year old man who likes Pop music. Embarrassed much?
Additional Rules…
- Try to avoid places that you used to go together because it will bring up too many memories
- Don’t eat/drink to deal with the pain (not a good look)
- Maintain your composure when you see your ex (no need for them to know how you feel)
- Don’t socialize with your ex’s friends and bring your new gf/bf with you (my ex showed up at my close friend’s b-day party with his new girl a month after our break-up)
- Don’t hold on to the memories and constantly talk about your break-up if it’s been more than a few months (your friends will get real tired of listening after a while)
word.life.
- Do not send your ex’s mother flowers b/c you wronged your ex S.O. and you don’t want their mother to think bad of you – trying to save face for the future. Chances are you won’t receive a thank you because their mother never really cared for you in the first place; you just validated her reason for why two should not have dated in the first place.
all of these “standing in the rain” references made me think of this video…enjoy. God bless oran “juice” jones…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8utL-XzOp6g
Happy Bday man!
My son turned 18 Sunday. Gemini’s abound…
“10. Do not forget that you didn’t lose them…they lost you. Truth be told, they may have done you a favor by removing themselves from your life.”
I like this…you can’t make room for a new pair of jimmy choos in your closet when you still got an old ass busted pair of steve madden’s hanging around. Same concept works with people replacement.