This email comes courtesy of the homie Catherine. I just found this joint to be quite funny. It’s wholly possible that this Craigslist posting is a fake, but some research indicates that this very well may have been a valid post at one point. Either way, the question is: is he trippin? or is she trippin?
******
Below is a posting from Craig’s List from a girl who is trying to find herself a husband, and then a guy actually responded to it…it’s too funny..!
The Original Post
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.
It’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to ‘buy you’ (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as ‘articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful’ as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500 K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic ‘pump and dump.’
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.
Good folks of VSB.com…what do you think about this post and the response? Is this young lady delusional or does she just know what she wants out of life and isn’t settling? Is homeboy full of sh*t? Or did he just son this chick?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB
LOL at this whole exchange. I sometimes let my mind wander to the things ole girl asked. Just out of curiosity…..
I think he sonned her.
“I think he sonned her.”
in this case, wouldn’t the accurate term be “daughtered”?
LOL @ daughtered
@Champ. Okay, help the GA girl out. What the hell does “son” her mean? I mean I have an idea based on context clues but can I have a defn please?
it means to basically shut someone down, physically, intellectually, or emotionally. its bascially saying “sit yo ass down”
@champ. Thanks for clarifying it.
I love it, but then again I’m a heartless misogynist!
She probably thought she was clever too…LOL…the very best type of comeuppance!
“I’m a heartless misogynist!”
another t-shirt
@killa. Welcome back. It’s crazy that you put me on and then dropped off. Thanks again for putting me on. I love coming to work now
“It’s crazy that you put me on and then dropped off. Thanks again for putting me on. I love coming to work now”
lol…you sound like young buck
@js. It’s true.
I recall this craigslist post and it’s just as funny now as it was when I read it six months ago.
On the one hand, kudos to her for the no nonsense approach to dating and best of luck to her. But in all actuality, most men don’t want to be treated like their entire self worth is in their wallet…that’s what she gets. And dammit if his response wasn’t witty as hell! LMBO
That was THE retort of all retorts. For whatever it means…chick got sonned. No doubt about it.
@wait a minute! Is this who I think this is?
6 months? I read this a year ago and even then it was old. . .
She should make professional athletes her target. She might go far.
I think this was the “nefarious”ness that was alluded to int he post about make birth control…
There is no might in that…she will go far…they’re mostly simps who fall for a pretty face errtime (shout out to my exes).
She just has to be willing to put up with the BS that comes along with it.
@Fly. She is going to eventually get “new money” with her looks. I just don’t understand why she hasn’t found a rich man yet with her looks. We all know men do fall for looks only all the time. She should start putting herself around athletes and rappers.
She should just settle for being one of those high paid call girls that New York’s governor screwed around with. At least she’ll get some cash out of the deal. lol
“She should just settle for being one of those high paid call girls that New York’s governor screwed around with. At least she’ll get some cash out of the deal. lol”
shit, maybe she already is
@Aja. She can’t be married if she is a call girl. I think she really wants to be married.
You can be married and be a call girl. I was forced to watch one of the worst Black Movies of all time (Confessions of a Call Girl … or some mess) where that happened.
*sounds like that one went straight to video..lol
ok, this is clearly a universal mail – coz it did the rounds in South Africa, where i’m from (and live) about a year ago, just substituted the suburbs and currency for South African ones… hmmmmmmmm…
“ok, this is clearly a universal mail – coz it did the rounds in South Africa, where i’m from (and live) about a year ago”
thank you, superwoman. your comment officially confirms that vsb.com has gone worldwide. i’m getting all verklempt just thinking about it
That email tickles me every time. I sent it to all my gold digging friends and let them know that not all guys go for just looks. Since I work in finance I’m around men who make serious dough (500k+) and believe it or not many of them are looking for quality women who would make great wives, mothers, socialites, and can hold down the household. From what I’ve been told, not only does the woman have to look good but she needs to be classy, have a great personality, intelligence, and take care of the social responsibilities. These men want it all and quite frankly they can have it if they are on point financially and mentally.
Only simple men marry a female who bring just looks to the table and eventually once the looks fade away that female will get replaced. A lot of Black men moving in the upper echelons of society financially and through their careers are demanding more in a partner which is forcing women to step up to the plate because Black men are hot commodities, especially successful ones. Michelle Obama is actually setting the bar pretty damn high for a lot of Black women: She’s attractive, stylish, classy, intelligent, down-to-earth, and has a fantastic career. Most importantly Michelle Obama is also great mother/wife. It takes a real special woman who can do it all and my theory is that there are going to be a good percentage of Black men looking for their own version of Michelle Obama/ Claire Huxable.
“Black men are hot commodities, especially successful ones.”
You sound like a diva dude.
It’s true, they are hot commodities. Not enough to go around. And when you factor in the diva dudes, we have a problem.
Speaking of Michele Obama, how many diva dudes are gonna raise their absurd standards even further now that we have uberclaire to look at? (Don’t get me wrong, I love the Obamas). I’d imagine that a lot of brothers’ mental list of what they want and feel they deserve is just as absurd as that woman’s email. Some sisters too.
@K. I think all successful men are commodities.
Wow K how does that make me sound like a Diva do? Sorry that I deal with reality.
“Michelle Obama is actually setting the bar pretty damn high for a lot of Black women: She’s attractive, stylish, classy, intelligent, down-to-earth, and has a fantastic career.”
yeah, michelle obama is like an uberclaire. the evolution is lovely, akin to going from the terminator to the liquid metal man in t2.
Um wow. That’s a pretty astute parallel.
dam Champ. ima start calling u John F. Killingem. must have had ur raw oysters and pomegranate juice this morning. salute!
“must have had ur raw oysters and pomegranate juice this morning.”
how did you guess?
this has nothing to do with the post, but one super vain thing i love about michelle obama is that she gets her f*cking hair done like a real Black woman would who’s in the public eye. Who doesn’t love a sharp ass dressing Black woman? Maybe she’ll share her style tips with Condeleeza…
anyway, carry on…
I hope she does. I am always so upset with Conde’s hair. It looks like she rolls it with a paper bag. That’s what I used to do when I was 10.
“Michelle Obama is actually setting the bar pretty damn high for a lot of Black women: She’s attractive, stylish, classy, intelligent, down-to-earth, and has a fantastic career. Most importantly Michelle Obama is also great mother/wife. It takes a real special woman who can do it all and my theory is that there are going to be a good percentage of Black men looking for their own version of Michelle Obama/ Claire Huxable.”
80% of the women that I know are a Michelle Obama if you don’t factor in her the physical. I don’t know many women who are in such great shape after two kids.
Hell, many aren’t in such great shape before kids.
(Myself included …… LOL.)
Well if they are missing the physical then they are no Michelle Obama LOL.
Sorry ladies but some of us needs to get up on our fitness game. I started becoming a gym rat this year because I got tired of broads twice my age looking better than me.
Well if they are missing the physical then they are no Michelle Obama LOL.
True. LOL.
I should have been clearer. Many women have Michelle’s qualities. However, some of them are lacking in the physical department.
The past few years I’ve been keeping it very real with myself. If I desire a man who is point mentally,financially, physically, intellectually,and spirtually, I need to step up my game because it’s rare to find a man who hits all those markers. Besides if a man has all those points covered, there are going to be TONS of women after him. So why would he pick me if I bring a lot to the table except the physical when he can have someone who isn’t lacking? I can’t stand it when female sit around and complain about how they shoudn’t have to step up their game physically because they have successful in their career and intelligent. I think White feminism has warped the minds of women everywhere.
Then again I think women should want to be fabulous for themselves not to grab a guy. The man is just the added bonus (if that’s what you want)
@ Muse. “Then again I think women should want to be fabulous for themselves not to grab a guy. The man is just the added bonus (if that’s what you want)”
I totally agree. Keeping your body in tact is as important as attaining and retaining knowledge.
well, you have to commend the young woman on trying to find what she is looking for in life! i think she had some validity behind her questions! she spoke honestly and openly in regards to what she is looking for and what she has to offer and seems to be sincerely distraught about being passed over time and time again! plus, it seems to me that she understands that her extremely beautiful appearance will fade in time and so she is trying to lock her man down now while she still can! she is a gold-digger in every sense of the word, but at least she is honest about her pursuits!
i thoroughly enjoyed the man’s response to her questions about why she hasn’t found what she is looking for because it is the truth, plain and simple! his point is valid on so many levels! if all she is offering is the simple trophy wife/arm candy, then why the hell would anyone want you? they have what is called escorts to assist them whenever they need to make public appearances which would be a lot cheaper in the long run! why give up half in a divorce when you can spend a fraction of the amount and send her on her merry little way when she has completed her task?
but no matter what level the playing field you are on, a marriage is nothing but a business merger! i’m trying to raise my stock and my wealth by going into a relationship with someone who can bring something of equal value or more to the table! and when i say wealth, i’m not just talking about the financial and economical aspects of it, but the health benefits, the loving and the supportive aspects of it as well! yes, love is an asset and not a liability! and when i choose a woman to settle down with, she will also be an asset and not a liability! people live longer when they are in committed relationships (or so the studies have shown), and no matter how they actually act with one another, couples are much happier than single people!! i’m not saying that single people aren’t happy, but having to take on the world by yourself without the consistent love and support from another takes its toll and wears a person down, turning them into a cynical, angry old fart!!
but again, kudos to her for trying to find her piggy bank to have and to hold until death do they part, because i know the pre-nuptial agreement will dictate the she will get pennies on the dollar if they divorce! and bravo to him for telling it like it is!!! now let me go find my rich, widowed investor who wants to assist me in reaching my goals and financing my lifestyle!! good night!!
“now let me go find my rich, widowed investor who wants to assist me in reaching my goals and financing my lifestyle!! good night!!”
lol, you shouldn’t be saying “good night” because we all know that cougars don’t sleep, and if you’re trying to bag one, you need to keep thos late hours too
lol @ the champ
i outlast the cougars every night of the week!! i’m just trying to make it up for the midmorning brunch that they are so found of!!
@ Don. “people live longer when they are in committed relationships (or so the studies have shown), and no matter how they actually act with one another, couples are much happier than single people!! i’m not saying that single people aren’t happy, but having to take on the world by yourself without the consistent love and support from another takes its toll and wears a person down, turning them into a cynical, angry old fart!! ”
I agree that having someone to share the tolls of life with is what contributes to ones happiness.
@ Elenda…
“couples are much happier than single people!!”
ok…I think this should read HAPPY couples are happier than single people…”
I would rather be single (with/without options) than committed to someone that doesn’t feed my happiness and vive versa…more times than not, we (women) get so wrapped up in what we think we are supposed to want, ie a man, kids, etc…that we end up in some SHULLBIT…ya dig?
So while I agree, it’s more challenging to take on the world without a “mate”, it’s even harder to conquer the world tied down to something that adds weight to your flight! gas costs too much for that!
@goodness. Yeah, that is common sense. If you are with someone just to BE with someone, that hardly counts.
actually, i was recently discussing a study with someone that showed that neither is true…actually single people with alot of friends are happier and outlive couples and single loners. as it turns out relationships (esp. unhealthy ones) actually interfere with ‘happiness’ and longevity.
@Miss Patterson. If you are dating your bestfriend (which you should) then you don’t need a lot of friends to make you happy. Just your man.
@Elenda…I have to disagree with this. What does dating your best friend have to do with having additional friends? Unless you are looking for friends to fill a void, I can’t understand what’s wrong with having other quality relationships.
I am hoping you were being sarcastic (in which case, I withdraw this statement.)
@Queen. I was being sarcastic playing with Miss Pattersons comment about friends bringing happiness versus not being single. I agree with you, one needs more than one relationship to have happiness.
@ Elenda…I must be having a slow day. Sorry.
the key words to the couples thing was that they were in a loving and supportive relationship, one which was an asset and not a liability!! there are things that a spouse or partner can do for you that friends can’t….and i’m not just talking the sexual aspect of relationships…
@Don. Thanks for clarifying that because my mind went straight to the gutter.
“and no matter how they actually act with one another, couples are much happier than single people!!”
as goodeness pointed out, this only applies to happy marriages … and more to men within those marriages.
the “happiness” gap between married women and single women overall is a lot smaller. ditto the life expectancy gap.
and one study found that for black women, marriage has a negative impact on health.
and almost all studies of singles-vs-marrieds have a flaw: they don’t look at never-married people separately from divorced and widowed.
but then i’m both anti-marriage and marriage-phobic.
She definitely got sonned and homeboy’s response is very much so on point. There are so many other aspects to a relationship (especially a MARRIAGE) that’s part of the equation – not just looks and a salary. I can’t commend her for “knowing what she wants” because she really comes off as a superficial, gold digger with very little to bring to the table. The tone of her post shows a lack of substance in her character and implies that successful men are very shallow and only want someone for their looks. As the guy stated, that’s where the “pump and dump” scenario comes into play.
Nothing’s wrong with wanting to upgrade your lifestyle, but you have to be willing to do it for yourself first by bringing more to the table than just booty – oops, I meant ‘beauty’.
No need for me to even type a post you covered everything I was going to say.
Redundancy Sucks
Actually, he’s saying that she’s exhibiting the “pump and dump”. It’s a financial markets term that means a seller basically inflates the value of their stock through promotion and/or any means in order to make it look more attractive and then they unload it on somebody who will essentially be stuck with some worthless stock that has no value.
Basically, she’s selling herself well with nothing to offer.
@ Monk. So true. She lacks substance in every aspect of her writing. She didn’t mention anything she can bring to a man and when she said she could match them, she did not mention her worth.
“I can’t commend her for “knowing what she wants” because she really comes off as a superficial, gold digger with very little to bring to the table.”
I completely agree, what is the difference between her and a prostitute? Not much.
“What’s the difference between her and a prostitute” HAHAHAHA…funny as hell.
See, prostitutes expect to be treated as such and she on the other hand, is expecting to be treated like a wife for the same services.
It doesn’t relate here, but I always liked the song “Treat ‘Em Like a Prostitute”
no that’s right. it does relate here.
“Treat ‘Em Like a Prostitute”
is this the club version to the old temptations song: “Treat Her Like A Lady”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPUsQDm-HQY
nope, no relation to the temptations…i had to google it…i’m learning new things every day on this site: first the stripper in me & now slick rick: (i kid, i kid)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzWuFUxGEP8
Miss P you just KILLED my starbucks high. I was just about to cue this little temptation tune and PRETEND it was a nod to this nice little throwback.
concur.