Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Either She Homeless, Or She Got Problems

ap_mario_williams_dm_130506_wblog

A couple weeks ago, the Gay Reindeer and I were sitting in my car, people watching and eating applesauce (don’t ask), when a conversation about Pittsburgh neighborhoods segued into gentrification, which then segued into the surreal experience of seeing White joggers trying to navigate past the hordes of people standing outside of liquor stores and check cashing marts, which then finally landed on a point she brought up: Those anonymous people hanging outside of those stores all day long—people who usually are middle-aged, Black, and poor—often serve as the neighborhood’s Shakespearean fools.

Perhaps they don’t seem particularly lucid or observant, and maybe their English isn’t the best, but they’re watching, recording, and assessing everything that’s going on in the surrounding area. And, if you ever have the opportunity to talk to one of them—like, seriously sitdown and talk—they have the tendency to provide plain-spoken insights and witticisms about the community and the people who inhabit it that would make you wonder if they were secretly undercover PhDs doing a years-long anthropological study.

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because this was the first thing I thought of when listening to Charles Ramsey’s entire interview. (Actually, that was the second thing. The first? That’s a really nice white tee he’s wearing. It must have been brand new.) Like a true Shakespearean fool, Ramsey’s appearance and “commoner” sensibilities belied the wit and bravery he so obviously possessed. And, also true to Shakespearean fool form, an off-hand, matter-of-fact statement made towards the end of the interview ended up being the most memorable (and insightful) thing he said.

(Paraphrasing) “If you see a pretty White woman running towards a Black man, either she homeless or she got problems.”

You know, out of all the interracial dating/relationship-related conversations I remember having, I can recall in-depth, nuanced, emotionally charged, and surprisingly sober discussions about…

1. The type of Black man who dates White women

2. The type of Black woman who dates White men

3. The type of White man who dates Black women

…conversations where everything from the way they typically look to the base reasoning behind their choices is examined and assessed with care.

But, there doesn’t seem to be that same level of discourse among us about attractive White women who choose to date Black men, mainly because we have a tendency to dismiss whatever attraction they may have for brothas as some sort of sexual fetish, a way of “getting back” at her family in some way, or a blatant cash grab.

Basically, if she runs to a Black man, either she homeless, or she got problems.

While this line of thinking is usually thought to be an indictment on White women—or, rather, the type of White woman who primarily dates Black men—it actually is a bigger insult to brothas. By believing that White women who choose Black men are effed up in some way, you’re also implying that there’s no reason for a normal, well-adjusted White woman to want to be in a serious relationship with a Black man.

Admittedly, I’ve fallen victim to this line of thinking as well. I’ve joked before about the type of White woman you might find at a predominately Black nightclub (I even have a name for them: “snizzles”—a term that derives from “snowbunnies”), but those jokes were rooted in a very real belief that something had to be wrong with a White chick who was into Black dudes. While I do believe that there has to be something wrong with someone who only dates outside of their race, I make concessions and justifications for Black men, Black women, and White men who do this that I never have with White women, and this lack of interracial dating-based empathy boxes me into a very awkward corner.

“If I believe that there’s something seriously wrong with her if she’s into me, that a decision to date a Black man is a seriously bad one, doesn’t that also suggest that I believe there’s something seriously wrong with me?”

I haven’t answered that question yet. Maybe I just don’t want to hear the answer. And, maybe I’m just not smart enough to be a fool.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Caramel Sundae

    Welllllllll!! * snaps fan*

    • GypsyCurl

      “snizzles”—a term that derives from “snowbunnies”

      That’s better than Chris Brown’s DJ trying to coin “THAHA” on LHHATL.

      • IcePrincess

        IKR? They copying off Chicago cuz they say THOT That Hoe Over There lol! Ask TUK he prolly knows

      • Kema

        Yes!!! I laughed at him trying to make ‘fetch’ happen. lmao!

        • IcePrincess

          BOL! One of my favorite movies :-)

  • The Guru

    (gets comfortable, gets popcorn)

    THIS oughta be interesting. . .

    • Rachmo

      *Gets cozy on other couch and sips tea*

      • Perfect Square

        Ignores work and grabs coffee

  • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

    hmm.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      Keisha Brown Doesn’t Like This. ?

  • Johnmillah

    Be prepared to be offended:
    Black men-
    How society views you- career criminal, professional excuse giving lazy baby makers

    How black women view you-
    Cheating, non committal, professional excuse giving, lazy baby makers

    How you view yourselves-
    Capable of criminal behaviors If provoked and or find it necessary, not as lazy as you projected to be sometime baby makers, not capable of having successful relationship with black women due to their attitudes/lack of support /constant demands etc (aka not holding you down)
    How white women view you-
    You are Misunderstood due to your lack of support etc. she wil support you until…your sports contract expires or your novelty wears off. Yes I’m sterotyping but I believe there’s some truth in it somewhere :-)

    • Becky

      Ok! So what about just honest to goodness working class people? My guy is black, I’m WHITE. He has no sports contract..works a regular job, like myself. We love each other. He’s dated in his race, I was married to a white man. We just really love each other..PERIOD! He’s quiet and sweet, I have no filter and keep him laughing. We are just regular people who happened to like each other then fall in love. No crazy ulterior motive.

      • OverTyme

        Preach Becky Preach. You are absolutely right. But, are you and your man the exception or the rule? As beautiful of a relationship you and your man may have, it is not mainstream, and in our sick society, that is what counts.

      • Greg

        Bam! There it is!

    • Kimber

      You’re right. I’m a white woman who wondered why the hell this amazing black man had absolutely no support system around him. I helped him build a business around his amazing talent. It was really easy to do too. The relationship didn’t work out, basically because he was a playa, but we are still friends.

      • http://VerySmartBrothas Sakonya

        Yes, it didn’t work out because he was using you, like many Black men know they can do of white women who have good credit or some of their daddy’s money. No, he did not have a support system because he was already known to be this way.

  • Malik

    Chiiiiilllll Champ.

  • That Ugly Kid

    I can see why people echo this belief though. Given that said White woman is the least bit socially aware, she knows that dating Black men will most likely decrease her “mating value”. In fact, because Black men are so low on the social totem pole, we decrease the value of anyone who dates us, excluding Black women, because they are right at the bottom with us.

    Not saying the stereotype is right or even true, but taking into account the dynamics at play here, it’s no surprise that people would question why she would deliberately make a decision that she knows would get her a major side eye from society (primarily White men).

    • That Ugly Kid

      The only exception to this rule is White men. Whose social/mating value NEVER decreases regardless of who he dates. In fact, the social/mating value of whomever dates a White man actually increases.

      • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

        THIS.

      • Oshun

        Well, since my current mv is 0.0002, I need to find me a brothER. DIGNAN, do you like chocolate? I need you to upgrade me. Please, find internet in Ghana or is it Senegal and holla back, chap chap.

        • mena

          Mami, Dignan and I have an e-love mystery going on right now. Back off. Please and thanks. :-)

          • Kema

            Well you about to be Mimi to my Jocelyn cause I dont care what kinda e-luv you got going on. I’m ready to up my MV *Waves at Dignan*

            • Dignan

              I wouldn’t have even seen this if not for Blu, and I don’t really have time to address this right now, being as I leave Tunisia very shortly here (five days in Germany, then at least two weeks in Ghana to come), but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t make myself clear here.

              I am not a single man, but I am nonetheless willing to go out on dates with my favorite VSSs with the intention of increasing their mv……and also with the intention of me getting free meals and entertainment. (My SO, believe it or not, is secure enough in our relationship to allow this to happen without worrying).

              However, if I’m honest I must admit that there are a few VSS that would be waaay too big of a temptation, even for a happily taken man like myself. Therefore, for those few specific VSSs, I reserve the right to wear a kevlar chastity belt to all dates. Not saying that you WILL be uncontrollably attracted to me, but I’ve gotta take precautions just in case.

              This has been a public service announcement.

              • mena

                I definitely remember you saying you were taken a while back so please don’t take what I said as disrespect :-)

                Have fun in your travels.

        • SweetSass

          Given that I am hybrid black and white… does that raise my market value up to 0.5%? Minus 0.2 for being a shrill, feminist harpy?

          Where da white boyz at?

          • Oshun

            Woah! Slow down sistA. Your value is actually quite lower than ours. You happen to be a feminist too. Being a hybrid with BLACK in them, cancels out ANY potential. Your current mv is (-)0.0001%! Please join Kema and I. We can upgrade you, to probably a (+) 0.0001. God bless!! One love.

            • GUM

              * deep chuckles *

      • Rewind

        Yup

      • Brother Mouzone

        “The only exception to this rule is White men. Whose social/mating value NEVER decreases regardless of who he dates. In fact, the social/mating value of whomever dates a White man actually increases.”

        And this is all because of the negative mindset that Black people have towards themselves and the extra “value” that they place on whiteness. It’s all perception.

      • Really

        I can’t believe you actually wrote this nonesense. This way of thinking is corrupt and disgusting.

      • Doug

        I am not sure if this is true. Speaking as a white man I can assure you that anyone that has dated me is now considered questionably emotionally damaged goods. The color of my skin has done nothing to increase their value to their current mates regardless of their ethnicity.

        • http://VerySmartBrothas Sakonya

          I don’t see any value or have any attraction to white males, even though I have been approached on numerous occasions by them. The ones that date Black women, are however, not at all devoid of the usual racist attitudes and come with an assortment of skewed reasons why they want to date Black women. The same old arrogance that most whites possess is still present and I do not understand how any Black woman, not living in a bubble, can want to date them.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Question; if a Black woman dates a White guy, do Black men see that as lowering her mating value?

      • That Ugly Kid

        Not immediately. At least not for most. Now if it seems like the Black girl only dates White men, then that’s when a lot of brothas would start to think less of her (like Halle Berry for example). But this attitude isn’t exclusive to Black men though. People of ALL races would feel some type of way if one of their own kind didn’t want to date them.

        • Latonya

          Brothas think less of Halle Berry? Really? Is it cause she is crazy?

          • That Ugly Kid

            Yes. She’s in the same category as Stacey Dash. Sure, we still think they’re both beautiful (myself included), especially for their age, but their actions (Halle Berry seemingly only dating White men, Stacey Dash’s whole Republican thing) leave a bad taste in our mouths.

            • AfroPetite

              That’s what she said

              • Malik

                eat fruit

                • AfroPetite

                  If you’re feeling froggy feel free to jump Malik

                  • Malik

                    Not sure if you’re ready and able.

                  • AfroPetite

                    Is this a challenge?

                    • Malik

                      Yes.

            • 2HourLunchBreak

              Halle has dated some notable Black men, though. David Justice, Shemar Moore, Michael Ealy etc.

              However, none of that makes her less crazy.

              • SweetSass

                Talk about making pretty babies. Damn.

            • CoilyCutie

              Halle Berry has only recently started dating white men and there have only been 2. She at one point was only dating Black. Wesley Snipes (who allegedly beat the crap out of her and snatched her bald) Christopher Williams, David Justice (ex-husband) Eric Bennet (ex-husband) and the list goes on.

            • keith

              yep, but would we still smash, smang, or whatever term can be used for F**king, sure. I just couldnt trust a flaky chick like that though. But more nude pics from stacy and I may forget… maybe…

          • mena

            The thing is, I doubt that Halle and Stacey give 2 d@mns what black men think of them. They both have been pulling men that are other than black for a LONG time. Their dating pool is infinite even at their ages.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              Does this apply to Kelly Rowland? I know she is always frolicking with a white guy on a beach somewhere in the world.

              • mena

                I’m going to put it like this: any woman that is able to date within her race and outside of it, could probably care less what the men in her racial group think of her.

                This goes for the Kelly’s, Halle’s, Stacey’s, and even regular black women who have dated regular white dudes. Once you realize that men of other races do, in fact, want to date, have a relationship with, and marry you, your middle finger tends to go up to anyone that has a problem with who you choose to be with.

            • Rewind

              Once White America loves you, you’re in for life unless you do something completely stupid. That’s why those ladies never have to worry, their stock is sky-f*cking-high

              • 2Rawtid

                truth!

              • keith

                dont forget Naomi, and the williams sisters, and janet.

              • http://VerySmartBrothas Sakonya

                There is a catch to that. White America can love you today and hate you tomorrow. If they even perceive that you are a Black person with an awareness and true appreciation of your blackness – then watch out! As long as you are playing their game, their way, and laughing or playing football, or some other sport or singing and dancing, then you are o.k, O,J, Simpson is the perfect example of this. Even though he was found not guilty of murdering Nicole, they have had a “hard on” for his behind ever since. Unfortunately, he is so self-hating and narcissistic that he still hasn’t learned a thing.

          • h.h.h.

            “Brothas think less of Halle Berry? Really? Is it cause she is crazy?”

            not because she’s crazy…
            but because as many opportunities (IMO) she has to get into a good relationship, she chooses relationships that put her in excessive drama, not good for her physically and mentally…

            when you’re involved with someone that’s bad for you….yes, that’s his fault…
            when you continuously end up in relationships that have serious…serious problems..that’s kind of an indication on *you*

            so while i don’t see Halle as ‘crazy’, i see her as another ‘sister’ that wouldn’t be interested in my type and i just keep it moving.

            • Todd

              Word. Halle’s problem isn’t the White dudes she’s humping as much as the crazy relationships she’s in. She could do the same stuff with a bunch of brothers, and dudes would be wanting to fall back. Heck, at least with White guys, we won’t look bad. :)

            • Rewind

              I disagree.

              That b*tch crazy. While she may not be good at picking good men, I’m quite aware that given her patterns, she is obviously the biggest flaw in the whole problem. At all times. It can’t be different since she’s the consistent variable in each relationship.

              • Angel Baby

                PREACH!

                “So whomever I come across in life, I will hope they see me for who I am, not who they want me to be. “

                • Rewind

                  Thank you.

                  • Show

                    This conversation on Halle Berry has let me know I have found a home. I have been saying this for years, and people laugh. She is crazy, really bad at picking mates, or (most likely) both.

        • Oshun

          I thought brothas devalue one’s mv if they date(d) or became part of the leprachaun birthing circle.

          I don’t think Halle’s mv is low, it’s still high. As Latonya pointed out, it’s her crazy that probably makes brothas mighty uncomfortable. Given the opportunity, they’d hit it. No doubt.

          • That Ugly Kid

            I never said the Halle’s value is low, just that quite a few Black men feel some type of way about her since it seems she gave up on us. So while her beauty will still usher a lot of “Man, I’d f*ck her blind!” remarks, her attitude will garner more “F*ck wrong with this b*tch?!” remarks.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              That’s the kind of thought I’ve heard from Black men in regards to Halle. It’s not that she dates White men but, that she now seems to date them exclusively.

              • h.h.h.

                after the 2 high profile relationships she’s had with black males, maybe it’s better for her to switch to white guys?

                • amber

                  Yeah but the thing is that Halle proves that for black women or people who say that black women should date white men to skip out on all the drama are wrong. Relationships are not easy no matter the race and drama knows no color. Hell she had her white baby’s father fighting her new French man on a damn holiday.

        • Keisha Brown

          People of ALL races would feel some type of way if one of their own kind didn’t want to date them.

          Exactly. Hence some of the current relationship tensions between black men and women. While it may not be the case for most, it is the perceived reality for many of us that black men ain’t checking for black women at the same rates as in reverse. And that chit stings…

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            But, that’s mostly just propaganda. Most Black men date Black women. So, why believe the hype?

            • mena

              What you see and what is real doesn’t always align well. Also, if the opposite is always thrown in your face, it can become a reality.

            • h.h.h.

              if all you hear/read is ‘men aint s**t’

              if you rarely see a successful relationship

              if you grow up in an era of instant gratification…

              you might believe the hype.

              i aint saying…but…http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7wck65HcK1qmac6go1_400.jpg
              (safe for work)

          • Rewind

            It only stings because yall keep letting mass stereotypes rule your every thought and action.

            Lets be real for a second. Given the stereotypes, both Black men & women should be dueling it out in a Roman gladiator show right now. However, in the end, I’m just one person. I gotta rep me. So whomever I come across in life, I will hope they see me for who I am, not who they want me to be. But I have to really mean those words, otherwise, I fall in the trap that most other Black people are in, thinking they are important and deserve to be treated so, but in reality, have no proof of that.

            I can’t base my happiness on the assumption that someone who has the same skin color as me is going to want me. What I can do is believe that the person I know I am can be seen by another person out there, and if I find them, no matter the skin color, my journey was worth the struggle.

            • Angel Baby

              PREACH is supposed to be here! LOL

              “So whomever I come across in life, I will hope they see me for who I am, not who they want me to be. ”

              The whole comment is the TRUTH!

              • Rewind

                haha the commenting program here is wacky sometimes.

            • AboveAvgJoe

              Among the biggest stereotypes we valorize or uphold is that there is some great monotypical and insidous “truth” about ppl who date outside their race. Most ppl I know in interracial relationships actually don’t spend as much time thinking/talking about it as ppl who aren’t in interracial relationships.

              Yes there are some black men/women who date outside of their race exclusively but they’re not the majority and typically have serious identity issues (like the brotha in my office who actively disregards my presence or that sister we all know who’s hair is jacked b/c she never learned how to take care of her wig.) But really most of us in interracial relationships just happen to meet somebody at the right time and said “hmm… wow.. really?!? F*CK IT — why not…”

              I’ve been with a white woman (not the first) for 7 yrs now. We’ll likely get married and have a kid or two. Beyond dealing with the outside world’s b/s, we don’t really spend our time thinking about the cross-racial nature of our relationship — at this point we just love each other.

              We both dated within our race and cross-racially before meeting each other. We’re both highly educated, successful professionals so our so-called “market value” is secure and not subject to superficial evaluations by silly folks in their 20s (or folks beyond their 20s who haven’t grown up yet.)

              At the end of the days, when you’re grown, doin’ your thing in the world, SECURE IN YOURSELF and WHO YOU ARE — you eventually recognize that you need a true companion and are open to whomever can fit the bill, be they black, white, asian, latino or “other”…

              And oh yea — Halle’s definitely got some issues.

      • Latonya

        “if a Black woman dates a White guy, do Black men see that as lowering her mating value?”
        Naw, they might question it if she is really pretty.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          Lol. Yeah, that’s true.

        • http://VerySmartBrothas Sakonya

          How about asking this question: If a Black man dates or marries a white woman does that lower his value as a mate? Ans: It definitely can because he gets in a particular mindset being with a white woman. She very often does not really expect him to live up to what he can be and mistakes “kissing his ass” for support. I have seen more than a few Black men, after they come back to their senses and leave the white girl, then pursue and marry Black women. Sammy Davis, Jr. did it, Michael Strahan, and I predict that Kanye is going to get sick of Kim’s fat ass and come back to Black too. I think that Kanye is experiencing a some “buyer’s remorse” right about now.

      • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

        No. For some reason it is not socially perceived as something the White man did wrong, but rather what the Black woman did right.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          Who sees it that way? Other Black women? White people? I doubt most Black men would feel that way.

          • mena

            Maybe others besides black men. This topic is about to open Pandora’s box.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Well, I was just wondering considering what Champ was saying about how White women who date Black men are perceived.

      • mena

        I don’t think that black women would care if there mating value is lowered in the eyes of black men if she is pulling white dudes.

        It’s a screwed up way of thinking but TUK’s point is right on and black people’s perception of each other isn’t always the best to begin with.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          “…black people’s perception of each other isn’t always the best to begin with.”

          You said a mouthful. That’s a post-worthy subject by itself.

        • Sahel

          Black people always want acceptance by other races before they accept themselves. Man,i stumbled on a crazy blog where a black woman gives advice on how to get white guys. She puts black men to the dust like a nonsense yet you will never find other races telling each other their men or women aint worth ish,only us

          • Marshal

            Sorry, but I absolutely Do Not care about how Other Races think of me; my Mother is Black, ALL my actual Ex-Girlfriends are Black, my Ex-Fiancée is Black, my Child’s Mother is Black, hence my Daughter is Black…..

            I was an Emo Kid who was as antisocial as a Gothic person from age 8 to 15, and this included Not Kicking it with Relatives. I haven’t and still don’t give two licks on a Tootsie Pop what some Latino/Hispanic, Native American, Asian, another Black/African American and especially White person’s Perception, ASSumtion or Opinion of me

          • Sweet GA Brown

            False. I dont care about being accepted by anybody regardless of race or gender and that includes black ppl. Only thing I care is that I reach my own level of success and maintain my happiness. That has nothing to do with Takesha, Donte, Tom, and Rebecca, or Ishmael. To say that is to say that the whole races thought process is f’ed up and we know thats not true.

            You need more people.

            • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

              +1 That’s how u rep for Ga right there! Well said

          • mena

            I don’t know this blog you are speaking about but I don’t think that’s her wanting acceptance by white people. I think she just has a HUGE problem with black men.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              I have a feeling that the writer isnt really a black female. Then again, I dont know antything about the blog.

          • Diamond Jim

            I am married to an asian. I have six black/asian kids. For me its not about rejection of black women. It’s about where is was and who I fell in love with. I will never accept that others are above black women. That would be an intolerable affront to my mother, daughters, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, and all other black women. Just ain’t gonna fuckin happen.

      • http://mosnative.wordpress.com/ Mos_Native

        If she is on an I-only-date-white-men mission, then I’m indifferent,
        but if she dates freely and then has white men, black men and ll sorts inbetween chasing her tail, then I’m inclined to think she”s some kinda hot to have that across-the-races appeal.

      • Brother Mouzone

        Question; if a Black woman dates a White guy, do Black men see that as lowering her mating value?

        Her “trust” value drops

        • keith

          YEP. she is flake. Her blackness comes in question. I meet many of these types in corporate america. Strangely its is either the butt ugly or really fine ones. Never in between?

    • Todd

      Sad, but painfully true. Sociology is a b1tch sometimes, ain’t it?

    • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

      It only this way because WE have gotten confortable with the BLACK MALE stereotype. It seem the majority of Black males have no desire to improve the status and the one who do get a beatdown from the ones who want to maintain the status quo. So for every Black Female who wants a non Black have at it for there is a Asian Pacific woman who will love me long time.

      • amber

        It is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month

        • LMNOP

          Wow, that is not very well publicized, I had no idea.

          • Kema

            You must not work at a place where diversity is shoved down your… I mean… applauded. :-)

            • Sweet GA Brown

              *Immediately calls dept. admin assistant to voice outrage over the lack of participation and effort to get the word out at command.

        • Rewind

          Welp, I know what kind of p-orn will be dominating my laptop this month.

  • Johnmillah

    @that ugly kid I feel like consciously or subconsciously we have somehow managed to quarantine ourselves socially so that we are either the last option or a questionable one at best smh even Ramsay wa surprised. The masses (black society at large) are too opiatized to realize e.g. Reality tv shows etc. pray for us

  • Johnmillah

    @val I’ve been told repeatedly to date outside my race Bc what I’m
    Looking for black men aren’t willing/able/capable enough to offer.

    • Latonya

      My grandma tells me that or be by myself. SMH

    • DG

      D@mn…this whole notion is disappointing and rather sad

      • mena

        I’ve heard this as well. All from white people who are comfortable saying things like this to me.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          How do you respond to them, White people, when they say that?

          • mena

            The entire “all black men aren’t the same.” Again, the loudest and most ignorant of our race are the ones that they see. So all you can do is ask them to open their eyes a bit more. But I seriously had a white guy friend say to me “I don’t understand how black women put up with the way your men treat you.”

            Most of the time I am willing to educate but sometimes I just get tired.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Wow. The sad part, as you said above, is that some Black people think that way too about other Black people. The negativity just never ends.

            • 2Rawtid

              Yea thats sad. But what i find funny is that a lot of white men treat their women just as bad, if not worse. Just doesnt fit their storyline so you won’t hear the masses talking about it. And even if they did, they would be considered isolated cases instead of thought to be representative of the entire race like every negative thing is with us.

        • LMNOP

          What white people are comfortable telling you stuff like this?!?!?!?!?

          That is SO ignorant… also white people are usually related to a few white men, so have ample opportunity to discover that white men are not all great catches.

          • mena

            Actually, it’s not ignorant. This is what they see and have seen for a while. I can’t get mad at them for asking or making a comment that didn’t come from a place of malice. All you can do is open up a dialogue.

            • LMNOP

              Mena, you’re a better person than I am.

            • http://www.alltherightquestions.com T.Q. Fuego

              But ignorance was the right word though. Not malicious ignorance but ignorance nonetheless.

            • Rewind

              Exactly. Many White people just want to ask all their crazy questions to one ethnic person who will not get angry, since these White people at times do not realize how ignorant and harmful their questions can be.

              I choose to be that one guy. And I’ve been told on several occasions how happy they were to talk to me and help them straigthen things out. They don’t always mean to be ignorant or stupid, but if you keep seeing the same thing consistently, you will eventually believe it to be true.

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

                ~ White people at times do not realize how ignorant and harmful their questions can be.

                yup. i see it all the time. i’ve always thought one can lean more by listening and reflecting to ones self, but white folk use white privilege like a muhhfukka cause they rarely, if ever, know what it feels like to have the shoe on the otha foot.

                kudos to you for having the patience to sort it out ..

                • LMNOP

                  “i’ve always thought one can lean more by listening and reflecting to ones self”

                  I think that you can’t grow up in a racist society without internalizing some of it, and the only way to get rid of it is to pay attention to what you think and feel, and if you think something that is f-ed up and not something you want in your mind and soul make a conscious effort to discard it. No one else can do this for you.

                  Racism is one of the many societal pathologies that gets inside of you insidiously like this, so I pretty much think everyone should be doing this.

                  • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

                    cheers ~*~

                  • Angel Baby

                    I liked this!

                  • Kema

                    On point!

                  • afronica

                    +infinity

                • Rewind

                  It took me a while to figure out that I need to put my ego to to the side when I’m talking to people. They didn’t grow up like me, fight my battles or cry my tears, so I can’t talk to them like they should know how I feel. I figure, if you start from a base level, it is easy enough for everybody to understand.

              • keith

                I have played that role brother. Shit I have even ask this quasi red neck about their women lol. Shit was funny. We came to the same conclusion. All women crazy and they like to spend your cash. I know this aint true, but um yeah we found some common ground. Still though what I notice is they dont have to worry about class dating. He was a cpa trying to move in the world and he was dating a fucking bartender. True the tits were nice, but seriously? Naw not feeling that. Im glad my wife both are educated. I just hope we passed on some smarts to the kid.

                • Diamond Jim

                  A little “Gwyneth Paltrow” (read pretentious) don’t you think.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Really? But, who is telling you that. Sometimes you have to consider the source.

  • Johnmillah

    My last thoughts! Thanks to coffee I’m awake- if you consider it we have slowly degraded ourselves into become social negatives. All of my math people will get that a negative multiplied by a positive makes the situation negative. The only way it turns out positive is if two negatives a multiplied together lol im reaching but no sleep+coffee makes the brain wander night folks!

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      I don’t think it’s something we’ve done. I think society has done that for us. Or, at least those of us who accept that as being true.

      • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

        +5 I agree!

  • JhaneSez

    “Basically, if she runs to a Black man, either she homeless, or she got problems.”

    Or the Black man has enough resources to make it worth lowering her social value.

    My dad (a Black man married to a white woman, my step mom) made a funny after Diddy and Jlo broke up… I’d asked why she would date the broke dancer after living in the lap of luxury as the companion of a mogul, and he said don’t worry that won’t last that just the cleansing, she has to be purified in the waters of Lake Minnetonka (we’re both Prince fans) before white boys will take her back.

    Hmm… upon further reflection maybe this is an example of having problems.

    I think that when people mate organically from their shared social and professional groups differences in backgrounds plays a minor role… nobody cares.

    It is when they (white women) seek out Black men that the perception (usually correct) that they are homeless or troubled… I’ve watched enough Denzel Washington movies to know that.

    The white women I know who have pursued Black men have done so because they can upgrade economically or their shot clock was running out and if they wanted marriage and children, (half is better than nothing) and they had to get more flexible in considering their options.

    Most also bought into the idea that they would be worshiped by Black men, and in exchange offered him a bump in social value, especially for professionals and traded on that… by the original post example that trade is worth in excess of 700 K, which is nice work if you can get it.

    Most ended up dealing with a lot of the same issues that sistas complain about after the honeymoon was over, and the brothas were then convinced that their problems weren’t race related but due to corrupt American values and hopped on a plane.

    They are unaware that women in other countries demeanor changes once she gets a good meal in her, new shoes, and a job… but that’s another story for another time ~JS

    • http://mosnative.wordpress.com/ Mos_Native

      “The white women … done so because they can upgrade economically or their shot clock was running out …”

      and,

      “Most also bought into the idea that they would be worshiped by Black men, and in exchange offered him a bump in social value…”

      Is there such a thing as too much truth? :D

      • tan bel

        That is so on…….They definitely have some deep rooted issues.

    • Todd

      You’re all right, but there’s one more example I would like to add which is often (but not always) separate from the examples you mentioned. There are just some women who are adventurous as f*ck. They want the biggest challenge, the wildest example, the most out-there peen. Since Black men have low social value, thus making it where few White women want to go, these adventurous women want Black men precisely because few other women go there. This may be, but for from always, dovetailed with the whole physical challenge thing that women do when chasing big peen.

      Now what I have said may be in addition to what you said, but it doesn’t always. I especially don’t need a status update. Broad, I didn’t grow up in the hood, I have a graduate degree, and you’re far from the first White girl I’ve met. STFU. :)

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      Slow down, you’re killing em

    • K. Marie

      You said it all in this post…..I love it! I also love that your dad quoted from “Purple Rain.” He is incredibly cool. Lol

    • Rewind

      I’ll work with everything you said. But there’s one part that debunks your theory:

      Black guys and fat white chicks.

      If it wasn’t for this issue, I’d name you Queen.

      • Kema

        “and if they wanted marriage and children, (half is better than nothing) and they had to get more flexible in considering their options”

        I think ‘Black guys and fat white chicks’ is taken care of with getting flexible.

        • Rewind

          lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

          I can see a Wal-Mart in my head now.

    • SweetSass

      Well now. I have nothing to add.

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

      ~ the brothas were then convinced that their problems weren’t race related but due to corrupt American values and hopped on a plane.

      i know a white guy who does this, over and over again. he ran thru Latin America, failed out, now he’s hitting up Eastern Europe to find, as he explained to me (and i paraphrase just a lil bit), a beta female who knows her place is to take care of her man.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Since Blacks and Lations were viewed the same, it was no big issue. But when whites were giving Latino’s the “like white” pass in the early 00′s back when white women wanted the Latino lips and booty, J-Lo quickly realized that she had to denounce Puffy and all his works to be fully accepted into the “like white” club.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        I get your point. And, to a certain extent you’re right. But, that shootout at the club with Puffy might have had something to do with it too. She almost got caught up.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          I thought she’s supposed to be Jenny from the block???

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

            Castle Hill, tho

      • SweetSass

        She also only played a Latina in 1 movie…. where she was a maid.

        I kid you not.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          You forgot Money Train when she played Grace Santiago (Pre like white card); she was dating brothas back then

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

          She played a Latina in Selena too.