- earth, wind & fire
- atlanta, georgia
- adding sugar on already sugary cereal
- diddy’s teeth
- the physical abilities of female strippers
- having meetings about…anything
- titles
- ruby dee
- mac and cheese, and “mac and cheese” timberland boots
- movies where white women get slapped by sistas
- steve nash
these are just a few of the many things universally adored by brothas and sistas across the country. still, this great affection pales in comparison to the infatuation and undying love we have with conspiracy theories and the joyful spread of fisher-price misinformation.
as i stated before, though, this isnt entirely our fault. i mean, when you’re aware of shit like the tuskegee experiment and cointelpro , you can’t help having a healthy dose of american skepticism and a willingness to believe anything bad about “the man” embedded in your dna.
even i got caught up by this yesterday, as i allowed myself to believe a comment based on a four-year old rumor (!) that sophia stewart–the black woman who’s suing the wackowski brothers, joel silver, and warner brothers for copyright infringement over the matrix trilogy–recently won a multi-billion dollar settlement.
i was so ready to believe that this information was true that i allowed it to seep past my bullshit filter and hop over my “hmmm. that’s odd. maybe i should google this” fence, and i was thisclose to forwarding that news to a couple family members until someone else questioned its truth, causing me to investigate.
anyway, this is just one example of the many conspiracy theories, urban legends, and popular misinformations recklessly spread around the black community like a kardashian’s legs. and, as a recognition of black history month, here’s three of my all-time favorite:
1. tommy hilfiger doesn’t care about black people
for a short time in the summer of 1996, i boosted a few tommy hilfiger shirts from kaufmanns, a pittsburgh-area department store. i’d buy a shirt, then i’d go to the discount rack, find a shirt without a sensor, and stuff it in the bag with the shirt i already paid for. i did this three times, and i might have continued if not for a particularly painful bout of taco bell induced diarrhea that made me think about prison and how much more painful it would be if something much more, ummm, “solid” passed through my tender rectal area. this scared the shit out of me (literally), and my promising shoplifting career came to an abrupt end.
i know this story has nothing to do with the fact that tommy hilfiger never actually said that he (paraphrasing) “wished that black people wouldn’t buy his clothes”.
but, i’ve never told anyone about the stolen shirts, and i just wanted to get that off my chest. sorry, God.
2. the government created AIDS to exterminate black people
of course, we all know now that this isn’t true. everyone knows that the government actually created popeyes chicken‘s groundhog day catfish special to exterminate black people, not AIDS. duh.
3. ***insert black celebrity*** is a part of ***insert secret society*** and secretly worships ***insert satanic figure or martian jew***
while i’m extremely doubtful but admittedly unsure if any of this is true, i am sure of the fact that if any of this is actually true, if jay-z really is the product of a rothschild mating with a camel, there’s no way in hell that any of the barbershop and beauty salon physicists on youtube figured that shit out.
i’m sorry. maybe its just me, but i have some difficulty believing that someone was able to uncover a thousand-year old byzantine plot if they still write their name on the orange juice in the fridge so uncle tommy won’t drink any of it.
anyway, people of vsb.com: what some of your favorite popular conspiracy theories, misinformations, and half-truths?
also, did any of them ever “catch” you the way the sophia stewart story caught me yesterday?
don’t be scurred. we’re all family and shit
—the champ
There have been many, and you’ve alluded to some of them already.
I suppose the most blaring one is the one that always catches me: Magic never had HIV.
I could go on and on about how crazy this conspiracy theory is/was/will be, but I can’t. I’m tired of it. It’s ludicrous. Ludacris. Lewd or Crass.
But it catches me EVERY TIME.
He got fatter, yo.
He got richer, yo.
He got FATTER and RICHER… AFTER “The Magic Hour”.
If that don’t make you start believing the conspiracy jargon, I dunno WHAT will…
The alternate conspiracy theory is that he went deep into the heart of Africa, to the jungles where very few white men have returned from and was cured by an tribal shayman. I’ve also heard that he made a deal with the devil (no Pat Robertson)
See, the way I hear it is he took a BILLION dollars from a conglomerate of people wanting to raise HIV/AIDS Awareness, and he was the most visible and loveable athlete in the world at the time… who actually SMILED.
So he retired, took the money, thought he did his job, and tried to come back. but then everybody freaked out at him trying to come back, so they gave him ANOTHER Billion to RE-Retire and what not.
Since he blew the entire first billion on expensive booze and women.
“I suppose the most blaring one is the one that always catches me: Magic never had HIV.”
lol, i wonder how many people who really feel that way would have sex with cookie johnson.
oh he had it. he just got the cure. that was the deal, buy into starbucks and put coffeehouses and movie theaters in the hood, and we’ll get you the cure. oh, and magic fridays on a limited 5 year run.
he ain’t want to work for “the man” = starbucks. but he had no choice.
Or as Paul Mooney would say: Magic don’t have AIDS; he got financial AIDS.
I lost my ish when I heard him say that.
The question of Tupac’s mortality…black people won’t let him die.
RIP!
i think we’ve finally accepted that tupac was dead, and i think the fact that they finally ran out of old material of his to publish has something to do with it
welcome and sh*t, btw
now you know tupac ain’t dead. i saw that cat off of central avenue in maryland one day. he rolled down his window, yelled out “picture me rollin” then shot off towards forestville to watch len bias play ball.
I knew he was still alive!
Central Ave…Forestville..u say things that bring me to believe you’re from the area in which I just moved to from outta state..Let me kno wats good out here in the DMV! lol
I heard there’s another Tupac album being released in June. A double CD.
Reminds me of how white folks won’t let Elvis die. They keep saying the king lives.
I’m doing my part to not let Michael die. He faked his own death so he could be free. But he’s still here somewhere, I know it!
The aliens that abducted the “real” Mike (sometime between Thriller and Bad) are trying to figure out how to return him to Indiana.
so I am just unable to resist saying this although I know you are quite aware that you are one short of three conspiracies. I hate it when you lie to me. STOP it! lol
ahh order has been restored
lol, i think you were seeing things last night. i had three separate conspiracies from the beginning
Aaron Hall saying “dumb bit*ch at the beginning of Guy’s Piece of My Love.
That one is truer than true on a Truesday. Really.
And he was talking to Gloria Velez.
So that confirms it with a Presidential Seal, cuzzo.
Hall said it! I always thought R. Kelly jacked Aaron Hall for his style back in ’95.
That ones actually tru check the vinyl ……
I had never heard of this, so I had to go to youtube and listen. I did hear it, but what’s even funnier is that the first comment on youtube (written 11 hours ago) was talking about it. Conspiracy theory or not, the legend lives on.
That’s up there with the “Suge shot me” theory at the beginning of Tupac’s Hail Mary.
…sounds like it, but not sure if it is.
i dont know if this qualifies as a conspiracy or not, but on blackstreets “before i let go”, i’ve always thought the line was “true love is so hard to find/and its right between you legs and mine”, but, if you look up the lyrics anywhere, its “right between your lips”.
ive listened to that song 1000 times and still swear that they say “legs”
Legs… lips… same ends to mean right?
I thought the same until one of my sisters corrected me. I’m still going with “legs”.
its totally legs and mine. lol. wu-tang and black street? wow champ, you really are a romantic.
Wow. I thought I was the only person to ever hear “legs.”
i’ve had a fifteen minute debate with someone over that line. i’m like… a man wrote that song… it’s legs. lol. her theory was that Blackstreet were “above” actually saying that during the time when R&B was so wholesome. :-/
Snopes is all of our friends….
Ones I “loved” include:
-Troop was owned by the KKK, and the owners went on Oprah to say “we’d like to thank you niggers for buying our stuff”
-KFC doesn’t use real chickens (because they’re all grown without heads in some nuclear facility)
-Name a successful male rapper or R&B singer, he’s gay
BTW, gotta love that VSB stopped censoring S-bombs in its entries.
-KFC doesn’t use real chickens (because they’re all grown without heads in some nuclear facility)
even if this was true, most cats wouldnnt care. they way people are taking about there new wings, you could tell cats they were fried pieces of tupac and people would still eat them
El Pollo Loco (a grilled chicken chain that may not have a presence on the east coast) came out with an attack ad of sorts that said KFC Grilled Chicken was flavored with beef powder. Turned me right off from eating it again. I already felt something about the seasoning was suspect.
http://www.beefychicken.com/
I love me some El Pollo Loco! Lol! Haven’t had it since college though…
*off to see if they have one in Houston*
I believe they will be opening one soon on F.M. 529 between SH 6 and Barker-Cypress.
in college, i used to work at a call center where we’d get calls from KFC patrons with complaints. you won’t believe how many we got about the gotdamn “they dont use real chickens” theory. it got so bad i started telling people that the chickens were indeed grown in test tubes in zimbabwe with goats milk and an eye of newt.
i got fired.
” got so bad i started telling people that the chickens were indeed grown in test tubes in zimbabwe with goats milk and an eye of newt.”
LMFAO
I hate you for making me laugh this loud in my cube. The eye of newt line?
*____________________*
“-KFC doesn’t use real chickens (because they’re all grown without heads in some nuclear facility)”
lmfao…I used to use this against KFC all the time since I never liked their chicken.
Don’t drink the Kool Aid!
that’s a conspiracy theory? that shit is rooted in jim jones ass in guyana and him giving a gang of black folks poisoned kool-aid. i always wondered why so many black folks decided to follow this odd white guy into guyana in the late 70s just for him to kill them with something they loved.
death by koolaid is so wrong.
while i’ll assume you knew that. there are quite a few folks who have no idea. read a book motherf*ckers.
“i always wondered why so many black folks decided to follow this odd white guy into guyana in the late 70s just for him to kill them with something they loved.”
Yes! I remember looking at some of the footage in a documentary and looking shocked as hell to see Black folks. I just KNEW that was some 2520 sh*t.
70% percent of Jim Jones congregation was African American.
Insert *sad face*.
Isn’t there a rapper who named himself Jim Jones on some ass-sin-nine type level ish?
see, i need to google this. because i always thought that was a bunch of white people. until i saw the oprah show promo of her interviewing his black son tonight. now i’m confused.
Charli…
there’s a really good documentary about the Jonestown massacre. It was it on PBS last year, but I’m sure you can find it elsewhere. It interviewed the followers who survived as well as telling the whole story from the beginning of the church until the mass suicide. It had me messed up after watching it.
I was too suprised that it was a lot of Black folks involved with him but that was Jones’ angle, his whole church was multi-racial. I remembered studying about it briefly, in my classes, but the documentary went so deep into the church as a whole and Jones as a person.
Madd scary ish.
Yeah, that’s the exact documentary I saw. The whole thing was so eerie.
It was Grape “Flavor Aid”
Red Kool Aid Drinkers are okay for now
Kentucky fried chicken changed their name to KFC, couldn’t say “chicken” cause their sh*t was genetically engineered…….hmmmm, how come you never hear any stories of bean sprouts & what not being effed up ??? Always the Black folks grub, just sayin sounds kind of shady to me…and BTW-dear champy-so glad that “my promising shoplifting career came to an abrupt end”…., can’t imagine VSB w/o you…tho we do preciate Panama…I needs 2 brothas, not just 1…
“…I needs 2 brothas, not just 1…”
***filed under “things internet freaks say”****
who know both of us had variabley shady criminal pasts. luckily, my record has been expunged.
@Men’s Playbook-
I’m pretty sure that Aaron Hall said “dumb b*tch.” Sure of it…Just like I’m sure that Church’s chicken makes black men infertile…Just like I’m sure that that was a slave ship on the Snapple bottle.
He actually does say “dumb bitch” in the song. Ha ha. I was going to post that one.
“Just like I’m sure that that was a slave ship on the Snapple bottle.”
wait. i heard it the other way around, that there were snapple bottles on the slave ships
youzealie. everybody knows that it was lipton green tea on them slave ships.
Did we ever get any clarity on Lauryn Hill dissing white folks at an award show?
LOL. In an interview, she said that the label wanted them to do certain things to make the music crossover. She said that they didn’t care about crossing over b/c they didn’t make their music for them. This got translated into, “Lauryn hill said she doesn’t want white people to buy her music.”
after her kirking out on the freakin’ Pope IN THE VATICAN, i believe any and everything said about what she may have done. hell if you told me she mooned Obama at a state dinner for two Icelanders who were deathly afraid of pogo sticks, i’d believe that shit happened.
**digs down into dusty X files bin**
X-file 444.3:Did y’all ever hear that Michael Jackson originally married Lisa Marie Presley just so he could try to impregnate her> therefore tying his spawn into the Presley Empire> therefore giving MJ a better shot at buying up a lot of Elvis’ music catalog rights… 0_0 ?
X-file 812.7:The Government Census Bureau only continues to gather race statistics for the sole purpose of appropriating funds for ‘state of emergency’ actions, food surplus quotas for the ‘right’ (=white) demographic. Considering how the Red Cross handled the “Katrina” budget…I kinda believe this one…kinda…
X-file 11.93: Rappers/R&B artist devil worshipers: I too have seen the goofy YouTube series of videos claiming that Rhianna’s “Umbrella” video shows images of her giving birth to the anti-christ..LOL!
in California-surfer accent “Dude, everyone knows the only true devil worshiping artists are all metal-heads!”
@GeekChicness
“Rappers/R&B artist devil worshipers: I too have seen the goofy YouTube series of videos claiming that Rhianna’s “Umbrella” video shows images of her giving birth to the anti-christ..LOL!
in California-surfer accent “Dude, everyone knows the only true devil worshiping artists are all metal-heads!”
It’s funny how people seem to worship the devil once they get rich and famous. Nobody didn’t notice that Jay-Z worshiped the devil in the previous 15 years he’s been out?
Conspiracy Theories I’ve heard recently:
1. The earthquake in Haiti was casused by a government-controlled weather manipualtion machine called H.A.A.R.P.
2. Barack Obama is a Mason/Illuminati memeber who supports the New World Order plot to create oen global governement.
Regarding Jay-z, I have a friend who strongly believes the music industry in genreral is run by Satan. He even sent me link to a website called vigilantcitizen.com to get “the facts lol.” One thing I notced about conspiracy theorists: while they always think they are “in the know,” many of them still have limitations on how far they’re willing to push their theories. I told my friend that if he believes that Jay-Z and Rihanna are Satainsts why don’t you gather some people from Zebediah Baptist Church and hold a protest in front of the Rocawear flagship store. I’m still waiting on an answer.
Did y’all ever hear that Michael Jackson originally married Lisa Marie Presley just so he could try to impregnate her> therefore tying his spawn into the Presley Empire> therefore giving MJ a better shot at buying up a lot of Elvis’ music catalog rights… 0_0 ?
ive never heard that one, but i actually don’t not believe it.
my daddy became pretty much disgusted with MJ when he DIDN’T get lisa marie pregnant. like, “this is your chance to shut whilte people everywhere down! you could own graceland!! what the HELL are you doin wit’ yo life?” lol
I’ma hafta stop, and plant my LOL right here.
My apartment’s walls are rice paper thin, and it’s too late for me to keep cacklin’.
Y’all are funny as hell.
over here we had the marlboro’ 3k thing’ when i was a teenager…
we didn’t know what to believe so we all smoked silk cut…
silk cut?
British cigs (shoutout to Bridget Jones’ Diary- yes I read it and no I wont apologize lol)
thanks for that! maybe marlboro are the only worldwide recognised ciggies… them and camel…
am a ‘lucky striker’ now…
yes am an unrepentant smoker…
My #1 Fav, the Sophia Stewart Matrix copyright infringement case story. We just wanna believe. Yes We Can!
the thing with that story is that it sounded so real. even after finding out it wasn’t true, i checked like 25 other sources just to confirm it
I truly wanted to believe that comment yesterday posted about it. But then when I clicked on the Snopes link, and Googled, I was mad disappointed. Plus, I shoulda known because that comment was way too dayum long. It reeked of an email forward. If it were truly real news, someone would’ve busted up in here and wrote “SOPHIA GOT PAID ON HER MATRIX ISH YA’LL!” or somethin’ real quick like that. Folks would’ve been too excited to write such a tome.
Still, I think that comment ranks up there as one of the best of all time considering the weird timing of it. Like, why choose yesterday’s post topic to post that? lol, love it.
Still, I think that comment ranks up there as one of the best of all time considering the weird timing of it. Like, why choose yesterday’s post topic to post that? lol, love it.
lol, yeah, i agree. just a big ass surprisingly salient non-sequitur out of nowhere. it felt like i was reading a comment left by mos def or something
rotfl
Janet having a lovechild…I mean I really wanted to believe this one, but what are the chances of hiding it for so long. Especially if u got a sister like LaToya
lol, why do people refer to it as a “lovechild”? why can’t it just be a kid?
i was a lovechild of my parents. i prefer to be called lovechild p. in fact, tht might be one of my new nickanes, lovechild p.
either way its better than musiq soulchild
“lovechild p, the three.”
exactumundo. he so sexxy.
I remember the “Big Daddy Kane has AIDS rumors from when I was in elementary school. That was all kinds of wrong.
at least that would explain his horrible Yo MTV Raps Valentine’s day special.
Yup, plus, I heard he got the germ from Madonna and that’s why his rap career went down when he was in her “Sex” book.
Off Topic, loved me some Big Daddy Kane! Plus, he can still rock a show. Long live The Kane!
Back in the day, the theory was that British Knights (or some other popular name brand clothing that nobody wears anymore) was owned by the KKK.
LMAO!! I remember that. I thought it was BK’s and TROOP jackets. I remember my brother and older cousins stopped wearing all their gear.
Wasn’t there some air freshener shaped like a crown that people were putting by the rear car windshield that was supposedly created and marketed by the klan?
*dying* @ British Knights. I vaguely remember that theory actually. I mean, the name is British motherlovin Knights. I’m sure niccas ran with that one….lol
Conspiracies that I have recently heard: There are a secret race of lizard people that secretly control everything on Earth, and that the TV show V is being used as a means to get people use to dismissing the idea of a coming Reptocracy.
Barack Obama’s victory in the presidential race was a foregone conclusion because he is of the royal American bloodline that includes Bush, Cheney, Clinton, and the majority of America’s past presidents.
Katrina and The Haiti earthquake were caused by a secret American weather machine. The use in Katrina was an Illuminati experiment to see if it can be used to cause catastrophes for population control purposes. While The Haiti earthquake was caused to further destabilize the country to make it an untenable trade partner for China, who had interest in it’s untapped off-shore oil reserves.
I’ve heard the natural disaster conspiracies before and they are on some late nigh,t am radio bull. If you’ve ever heard one of these talk shows they are funny as hell. I keep waiting for some middle-aged 2520 dude to take his finger out of his nose for long enough to call from his mom’s basement and blame 9/11 on Magneto or something.
When anyone starts talking that consipracy theory ish they start sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Usually it’s folks who aren’t even up on current events, don’t read the newspaper, or watch the news and they’re trying to school you on some “exclusive type” news.
Boy bye…
“When anyone starts talking that consipracy theory ish they start sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher.”
Straight up! Womp-womp-wompwomp-wompwompwomp-womp.
And I love how folks be thinking they’re super important because they know some conspiracy. Niccas sure love to be “in-the-know” of something and love being the one to tell someone who don’t know. lmao
Niccas sure love to be “in-the-know” of something and love being the one to tell someone who don’t know. lmao
i think thats the most attractive part of it. its the same thought process behind a person wanting to be the first with the new j’s or first to hear the new kanye
Good points Champ and Cheekie…lol
Kats are always tryna be first on the scene with the new ish.
lol, I know. Dudes will clear up their entire day in order to gather everyone around and announce somethin’ they (allegedly) found out before anyone else.
Reminds me of an occasion where this dude was swearing up and down that if you inhale too much oxygen, it’ll kill you. He was all like “you-heard-it-here-first” with it. Being fresh outta EMT school I had to inform him that on many medical calls, one of the first things we do is provide 100% oxygen for the patients to breathe. He gave me this “does-not-compute” expression.
LMAO…too funny!
EMTs give oxygen to correct a temporary breathing problem. Not getting enough oxygen leads to the same organ starvation problem and CO2 buildup which causes its own set of problems. Administering oxygen should only be a temporary fix.
I hate to school you but the guy was correct, too much oxygen will kill you.
If you put a person in a hermeticalyl sealed room with just pure oxygen to breathe, they will die within a couple days.
There are various reasons for this – decreased oxygen exchange through your lungs leading to oxygen starvation of your body leading to reduced metabolism to death, lowering of the co2 buildup trigger leading you to breathe less leading to death, fluid buildup in your lungs leading to suffucation on your own bodily fluids, or some combo of this and other issues.
Usually it’s folks who aren’t even up on current events, don’t read the newspaper, or watch the news and they’re trying to school you on some “exclusive type” news.
Boy bye…
basically 90 percent of the dudes that go to HBCUs.
shots.fired.
mostly to that dude with the white mother that went to school with me calling himself Golden Sun and decrying all things white. including his devil mother. took him a LOOOOOOONG time to graduate. rebuking european education doesnt get you too far.
“mostly to that dude with the white mother that went to school with me calling himself Golden Sun”
Pure silliness!!!!LMAO
I once bought a whole bunch of make up and stuff (like $20 worth) from this website b/c I got an email from a friend saying that (insert bigger, more well known company) was buying this company and they had to get rid of all of their stuff with the old logo on it at a deep discount – so everything now costs a dollar. Turns out that’s a long running “rumor” (marketing ploy?) and that company’s makeup is ALWAYS $1.
your skin didnt get green, did it?
I remember that one! LOL a bunch of my friends bought a bunch of that same makeup….(I did too LOL)
I know I hear about how every hip hip artist is a closet homosexual and they were able to get the fame or put another artist on was by either being forced to perform sexual acts on another man or having one of there male artists perform sexual acts on them.
LOL…….”every” is a strong word
the only people i actually believe this about was g-unit, just because of the way the game and young buck broke down like broken-in bitches when they got cut off. i really think 50 was f*cking those dudes in more ways than one
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, dont forget prodigy from mobb deep who got a 50 cent tattoo ON HIS HAND. like an actual tat that says 50 cent.
if that aint gay i dont know what is.
Yep, that’s how Tevin Campbell got put on by Prince
But real talk, I do believe that Busta Rhymes is gay. That dude is homophobic in a way that can only be justified by closeted homosexuality.
what some of your favorite popular conspiracy theories, misinformations, and half-truths?
All the malt liquor conspiracy theories back in the early to mid 90s. If I remember right St. Ides was a slave ship, and Old E had a slave ship on the bottle. I can’t remember exactly.
The Troop line of clothes from the 80s was owned by the KKK.
Global Warming is a hoax created by the illuminati or UN to rule the world under one government.
The Pope is the anti-christ and the catholic church is somehow affiliated with the devil.
One thing that i have noticed with conspiracy theories is that they go hand-in-hand with people that don’t read, are ill-informed or ignorant, and are scared. Like Champ mentioned above tuskegee, cointelpro, and even the cause of World War I are reasons that some conspiracies should be looked at. But most of the time they turn out to be nonsense and the real reason behind the event can be found by looking at legitimate sources of information.
People who read too much are also susceptible, trust me.
People who read too much are also susceptible, trust me.
i agree. the worst is when someone who never read shit before all of a sudden starts reading everything. antwoine fisher ass ninjas
the worst is when someone who never read sh*t before all of a sudden starts reading everything
You have to start somewhere, right?
or worse, ninjas who do read too much and refuse to accept stuff that isn’t in a book.
I’m still waiting on my check from Microsoft for beta testing a software via an email that I forwarded to 20 of my closest friends because if I didn’t forward it to at least 5 people within the next 20 minutes and delete it from my inbox, I would get anally raped by a ninja in a purple suit.
I’m pretty sure that I got that very same email. Lol!
what about the purple suited cat? did he show up?
I remember hearing a long time ago that “Tootie” aka Kim Fields from the facts of life show was actually pregnant during the show at one point…..hence, her sudden weight gain, and all those big sweaters she used to wear……
this was actually true. she was pregnant with jamie foxxworth
On the intro to the Makaveli album, which was released after Pac’s death, he says “Suge shot ‘em”
lol!
Didn’t the government conspire to kill Biggie and Tupac to keep that whole east coast/west coast rivalry from getting outta hand?
to keep it from getting out of hand?? somehow i think two murders of iconic rappers during their prime is about as out of hand as you’re gonna get.
well assuming pauley shore has nothing to do with it.
As mentioned earlier, I remember the Janet Jackson having a “love child” for James DeBarge rumor. While, I have to dismiss this rumor because I have no proof, in the back of my mind, I can’t put anything past the Jacksons and Janet had to have been around 19 or so when she got married.
Am I the only one with a friend that is totally engrossed with all the Illuminati/alien rumors? One of my childhood friends is like this and I really feel sorry for him.
***honorable mention favorite theories and half-truths that havent been mentioned yet***
beyonce had a baby when she was 18, and she’s really 36 years old. the baby’s name is destiny, and all the destiny child proceeds go to her baby-father
the nba/nfl/nba draft/bcs/winter olympic curling finals, etc is rigged.
the tree on timberland boots symbolizes lynching
lady gaga is a man, and marilyn manson is really the kid from “the wonder years”
Ppl said that 9/11 was a conspiracy put on by the jews.
Ppl said that it was Aaron Hall in the R. Kelly s3x video.
Taco Bell had roaches in it.
“Taco Bell had roaches in it.”
While I am sure this could be the case, I doubt it is the case in EVERY taco Bell. I did hear when I was younger (4th grade) that there was a woman who ate a taco from Taco Bell that had roach eggs in it (of course she was unaware). The roach eggs became embedded in her mouth and they hatched in her skin.
are you trying to get banned for vsb?
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *heebiejeebies*
hell, one of my boys went to IHOP and a roach crawled out that dude’s plate.
roaches are everywhere people. be afraid.
oh…and the manager? LMAO. tried to claim that my boy brought the roach in and put it in his food to get a free meal.
hell, one of my boys went to IHOP and a roach crawled out that dude’s plate.
where was the ihop located, just so i know never to visit that country in the future?
IHOP on New Hampshire in Langley Park Maryland, near the Wendy’s and the Shopper’s.
DO NOT GO THERE EVER.
EWWWWWWWW!!!!! OMG OMG OMG
Are you purposely trying to ruin my lunch???
***gagging***
I heard that about the roach in the TB. I swore off them for years. Then one late night, I was just like “hell….”. And Waffle House is notorious for havin roaches. One time I went in there (again, it was a late night) and ordered some to-go at the bar. I saw some roaches just crawlin around on the bar. And after I got up and started freakin out, I noticed that nobody else in the damn place gave a damn. They were lookin at me like, “What? girl you betta sit yo ass down and eat them grits.” …………
1. Gloria Vanderbilt said that she would have never designed her jeans if she knew black women would wear them.
2. Proctor and Gamble are satanist (side note: they even made an announcement at my congregation saying we should boycott their products)
3. Black women will be brain damaged from hair relaxers. That creamy crack seeps into your scalp and scrambles your brains and causes cancer and every other disease known to man!
“3. Black women will be brain damaged from hair relaxers. That creamy crack seeps into your scalp and scrambles your brains and causes cancer and every other disease known to man!”
I’m surprised no one said it caused diabeetus.
Wilford Brimley game proper!!!
“Wilford Brimley game proper!!!”
i’m not sure about anyone else, but that would be dope on a t-shirt!
I co-sign this statement.
co-sign!
i prefer to call diabetes, “the suga”
lol
I remember the Proctor and Gamble one LOL
When Ciarra first came out she was supposed to be really a man.
C error was jive manly looking LOL sorry not a fan LOL
I definitely fell for the Tommy Hilfiger one. But, sheeeeit, I was 12. Through 7th – 8th grade, I was a Tommy Hilfiger stan. Then when I found out mofo was (allegedly) racist? I went on a boycott. That ish was hard like hell for me. By the time I realized it was a fake (I guess it was during the Oprah appearance), I wasn’t even interested in his ish no more (especially since most of his stuff now looks like it’s for someone who wears deck shoes everyday).
Another conspiracy theory:
- The trees (specifically, the limbs) in Timberland boots spell out K-K-K. Had niccas on the ground tryin’ to check ‘em out when someone told them to look closely at their shoes. FAIL.
- The VSB BBQ actually happened.
@Cheekie
“(especially since most of his stuff now looks like it’s for someone who wears deck shoes everyday).”
His clothes always looked like that. Except for that Tommy Jeans crap that he put out to cater to his “urban” base.
“His clothes always looked like that. Except for that Tommy Jeans crap that he put out to cater to his “urban” base.”
Well, yeah, I know…but I wore the more urban styles as a shawty. And I wear some of the preppier stuff, but only if it was more plain…or Ralph Lauren stuff, too. I actually meant the preppiness has gotten even worse though. I mean, I would see some polos I would rock back in the day, but nowadays…I see n’an Tommy Hilfger clothing item that I would rock. Maybe I just grew out of it? But on the real, though, his clothes look “older” now for some reason. Meaning, the minimum age is 85.
“The VSB BBQ actually happened.”
.. or will ever happen.
- The VSB BBQ actually happened.
it totally happened. it was last year in august. by the mulberry bush.
do you know the muffin man?
the muffin man?!
THE MUFFIN MAN.
ask that ni**a.
I know he lives on Drury Lane or some ish, but what’s the cross street?
check google maps.
*sigh* Should’ve thought of that…Kthanks.
I thought the muffin man got shot dead.
I heard the muffin man song/nursery man was about a pedaphile. Real talk.
*giggling*
Somoene actually told me that. They said the nursery rhyme was a cautionary tale. Kinda’ like rocking a baby in a tree top with the bough breaking and the cradle falling baby and all……
I’m waiting for the Michael Jackson Aint Really Dead conspiracy. Let “them” tell it, Michael either faked his own death to escape his creditors and Joe Jackson or he is somewhere in a cryogenic state just waiting to surprise the ish outta folks (cause that’s what MJ does).
Y’all mark my words.
he is somewhere in a cryogenic state just waiting to surprise the ish outta folks (cause that’s what MJ does).
what is that like Jesus 2010?!??!
“I’m waiting for the Michael Jackson Aint Really Dead conspiracy.”
There was already some brewing of that right after his death. There’s a video of him in the ambulance and then it turns into the back of the hospital and he gets out of the ambulance and walks into this mysterious door that leads to God knows that. *sigh*
Jay-Z had Biggie set up to be murdered. The proof is in the song “Hardknock Life” :
“You be hardpressed to find another rapper hot as me
I gave you prophecy on my first joint…and ya’ll lamed out
Didn’t really appreciate it till the second one came out
So I stretched the game out..X’ed your name out
Put Jigga on top..and drop albums non-stop for ya nigga ”
I can’t even begin to remember how this theory “made sense”…so I won’t try.
i can honestly say that i’ve never heard that. i will now call and thank my parents for making me smart.
Wow…really?
this is one I never heard.
yeah man….I mean it’s really quite stupid. But legend has it Jay had Big offed so he can be the king of NY.
Regardless of the rumor, theory or half-truth, SNOPES.COM has become my go-to source when I get one of THOSE emails. That and Wikipedia.
Though I wasn’t in New Orleans during Katrina, I am quite sure that the government did not blow up the levees in the 9th ward. I watched the Spike Lee film where he interviewed people during and after Hurricane Katrina. Quite a few of them say they heard a boom. They concluded the government blew up the levees to save the white areas from being flooded.
Things like Uncle Sam blowing up the levees are funny. People fail to realize one thing: to pull this off a conspiracy like this there has to be competency at a higher level of government. It is obvious that the govn’t is everything but competent.
I agree. And it would require a lot of people to keep it a secret. If it were the case, SOMETHING would have leaked out by now. It also would have required a lot of pre-planning which the government isn’t always good at.
“It is obvious that the govn’t is everything but competent.”
maybe part of the conspiracy is to show incompentacy
Hmmmm. Interesting…*strokes imaginary beard*
These are the same dudes that can’t find a six foot six Arab dude, with a wizard’s beard, and a kidney machine riding a camel. Those F8*ks aren’t pretending s@#$. They’re just plain old dumb.
Facts:
America is built on capitalism.
War is big business.
Therefore:
Finding Bin Laden is not profitable.
They’re not incompetent, they’re doing what’s best for the country.
These are the same dudes that can’t find a six foot six Arab dude, with a wizard’s beard, and a kidney machine riding a camel.
I am sooo weak at this description. Oh my lord.
This is based on an assumption that the federal government actually has some power, which they do not.
The U.S. government has been bought and sold many times over. Again, no hidden world domination agenda. Just greed.
Facts:
America is built on capitalism.
War is big business.
Therefore:
Finding Bin Laden is not profitable
True indeed but Political Capital is profitable.
Bin Laden in chains/on the slab = Political Capital and that can get you a few mid-term elections or more.
50 cent tropical fantasy sodas were invented to sterilize black men . . .and they had a K where the copyright sign should have been. My mother actually told me that one . . . oh and slim jims were made of pig lips . . .
Garbage pick up happened less frequently in urban areas to keep black folks in a squalor.
Regan and crack . . . something.
Regan (or the federal gov’t.) and crack? That shit is true. All jokes aside. Do your research.
Ya’ll talmbout the crack/powder disparity, right? Because, yeah, that ish is straight up true.
Folks have been tryin’ for years to equalize that ish. There was a bill for it 2002, and it was rejected. Some more current info:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/15/AR2009101501992.html
Yeah, that too. But no, I was referring to the fact that in the 80s the federal government supplied arms and money to the Contra in Nicaragua who were financing the war by trafficking cocaine to the US. The federal government was sending money to known drug traffickers (people who’d already been indicted by or were currently under investigation by the US federal government) who were flooding Black communities with crack. Its been investigated and admitted to.
Well, it’s been denied, but I still think it has some truth. There is no doubt the Government is perfectly capable of sitting on its buttocks while black neighborhoods are infested with narcotics, be they crack or alcohol during the Prohibition.
Also, for something that sounds shady but is true, there is the information about landfills, power plants and sewerage treatment plants being overrepresented in black communities and leading to more cancer.
Number 1 & 3 as just so ridiculous. Number 2 has merit, but not in such a general context. That’s a subject that would require a comment akin to the length of a 20 page essay to discuss.
“Number 2 has merit, but not in such a general context. That’s a subject that would require a comment akin to the length of a 20 page essay to discuss.”
please expound and sh*t
The biggest conspiracy theory: when my ex-boyfriend said these words, “I love you.”
Boy was I fooled because his actions were totally opposite from the true meaning of love.
Maybe one day, love will be more of an action word than a fictional act portrayed by those who think they can say those words to get what they want.
when you wet your blankets in the morning, do you just use water or do you dip them in grape juice or grey poupon or something?
btw, welcome and sh*t (i think)
Gee I can’t say I remember this one when I think of well-known conspiracies [kanye shrug] but I’ll play along:
1. if his actions were opposite than what he said, is the fact that you refused to believe what you saw and act accordingly (i.e., kick his ass to the curb sooner rather than later) really a conspiracy, or just a blind belief in a lie/the haze of good d*ck? which leads me to…
2. woman, are you just looking for an excuse to pour out some post-valentine’s day, the-bed-was-cold-on-the-14th angst? which leads me to…
3. Helena Andrews, is this you? What did I tell you about trying to make your winter boo your boyfriend?! I knew it would end up like this!
Damn girl u aint right!!!! LOL
Lawd, have mercy on my poor soul as I lay here, dead.
OMG this whole post is pure comedy today. I have a sick f*ckin hangover right now and feel like sh*t but this has definitely brightened my day lol.
This has just brought back so many memories… I had forgot about so many of these!! Damn trying to think of some other ones but my brain’s kinda foggy right now. Ummmmmmmmmmm lets see, I know these aren’t as funny as some of the other ones posted…
- That 9/11 was a government orchestrated event. Some dumb f*ck claimed that they way the buildings fell or some sh*t couldn’t have been by airplanes and you could hear bombs going off. It was all so the US could have a reason to invade Iraq
- Katrina was also a government orchestrated event to wipe out the poor blacks in NO – and the tsunami in Thailand a few years back was caused by the Bush admin to distract people from the war
- The Holocaust never happend and was just something made up to make people feel sorry for Jews
- Tupac/Biggie/Elvis/MJ are all still alive
- If you read the words from Bone Thugs and Harmony’s first CD in the mirror in the dark you would see some words appear or the devil or some sh*t (I embarassed to admit I actually did this lol). Also the song on that CD that plays backwards is some sort of satanic chant.
- For my Pittsburgh peeps – Kordell Stewart’s gay however he caught Bill Cowher screwing his secretary and blackmailed him into keeping him on the team even though he was sucking major a$$
Ummmm cant think of anything else, head hurts
“- The Holocaust never happend and was just something made up to make people feel sorry for Jews”
And ain’t their several sites claiming that the pictures distributed to the media were photoshopped in order to look more gruesome? SMH…
dont forget the concentration camps and anne frank were all some BS. btw, i’ve been to a concentration camp AND anne frank’s house..well attic…you cant fake some sh*t. lol. you just can’t. the concentration camp? you cannot fake that.
word to elie wiesel.
Hey PJ! I was just asking about you yesterday, havent seen you around lately
*noticing the warm fuzziness in how i’ve never actually seen you or Champ yet feel like we’re friends IRL*
yeah i been working like two hebrew slaves who got told to clean a pyramid with a toothbrush.
- For my Pittsburgh peeps – Kordell Stewart’s gay however he caught Bill Cowher screwing his secretary and blackmailed him into keeping him on the team even though he was sucking major a$$
was it schenley or highland park where he supposedly got caught sucking someone off?
Haha i think it was schenley park!!! thats so funny
A hangover on Wednesday?!?! lol!
“A hangover on Wednesday?!?! lol!”
lol, and she has a hotmail account too. hmmmmm.
damn champy u been putting me on blast lately lol!!
I know right! And Champ was just talking the other day about people who club hop on tues or wed having ho tendencies LOL!!
Nah i go out w my coworkers every tuesday. I was just going a little too hard last night now i’m paying the price ugggggh
You forgot about Timbs. My cousin swore up and down that the company didn’t like black people. Had me believing that non-sense, until I check snopes.com.
Pingback: A Forum For Black Men: Featuring Panama Jackson, Wale, Dr. Steve Perry and Enitan Bereola
Oh, and my favorite is the subliminal messages in songs. The “play the song backwards” type ish (Jay-Z’s “On to the Next One” is a recent one, lol that chorus does sound like it reveals something when played backwards though…but to hell with it, I still got that ish as my ringtone…#camelilluminatistandup). I did a project in school on subliminal messages and the most hilarious one was Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby One More Time”. Supposedly, if you played the part where she says, “when you’re not with me I lose my mind, give me a signnnnn”, if you play it backwards, she says, “sleep with me, I’m not too young”. *dying* I found some site that reversed it and it did sound like it. lol
Fox News is the BIGGEST conspirator in the world… I know, I work for them… I wonder if the computer is bugged?…. aww sh*t let me get back to work before im selling stories to them to pay my bills!
LOL. welcome and sh*t
and i must admit that i hate fox news.
I hate them Too! Im an Overworked, underpaid GENIUS! Should have worked for MSNBC or some Sh*t
So Fox News is an actual news station…I thought they were an ongoing practical joke brought to us by the makers of Married with Children and Mad TV
LOL! I only edit the bullsh*t they feed yall…… i watch Tmz for all of my current events!!!
Do y’all remember how folks were folding up the $20 bill right after 9/11 to see the image of the planes crashing into the Pentagon? People swearing up and down it was a government conspiracy, and clues had been left in all sort of places, including the images on the currency, well ahead of time. Foolishness.
Other favorite conspiracy:
The ebola virus was engineered by some scientists from the Congo who were working with baboons as their test subjects. Baboon bites man, and Kapleew! ebola spreads.
Aids created to kill the Africans or by the Africans has already been mentioned up thread.
The makers of Cristal said they don’t want our kind drinking their ish. Or I think the statement was they didn’t make their wares for our kind.
World Bank only gives monetary aid to developing countries so that the G8 can control them like marionnetes.
That’s all I can think of right now.
Actually the Cristal thing is correct. The maker said something along the lines of “it’s unfortunate that our brand is so popular among (fill-in demeaning term here) Jay caught wind of it, said he was “on to the next one” and that was it for Cris as the drank of choice.
That last one… I don’t know. The World Bank and IMF have done some eclipse type shadiness to many developing countries.
I don’t know if it’s a play for world domination, so much as it’s just greed though.
“Do y’all remember how folks were folding up the $20 bill right after 9/11 to see the image of the planes crashing into the Pentagon? People swearing up and down it was a government conspiracy, and clues had been left in all sort of places, including the images on the currency, well ahead of time. Foolishness.”
LOL, yup!
“The makers of Cristal said they don’t want our kind drinking their ish. Or I think the statement was they didn’t make their wares for our kind.”
“I used to drink Cristal, them f*ckers racist…” – Joe Camel (nee Jay-Z)
Conspiracy: A couple of my comments are awaiting moderation. VSB is against cheekiness.
I can appreciate the humor in all of this, but it’s not cool how people with alternative takes on history get the insenceandoilsmellinassninja label. Everybody has their beliefs. How many people actually fact check claims they hear from a peer? Ignorance goes both ways.
Pat. No. 4647773. Straight from the USPTO website: http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-adv.htm&r=33&f=G&l=50&d=PALL&p=1&p=1&S1=4647773&OS=4647773&RS=4647773
As far as the whole Jay-Z thing goes, this ain’t nothing new. People been speculating this since the 90s.
OJ Simpson – A rare (only?) example of us being on the “winning” side of a conspiracy. We all know he did it… lol I’m glad he won though.
how about they never really put a man on the moon…all a conspiracy to beat Russia in the space race…my grandmother was the first to put me on to that one…. then after I thought about it I was right there with grandma….I’m still not convinced they put a man on the moon in the 60s….why ain’t we been back? they couldn’t even land those ships correctly on earth…splashing astronauts in the ocean and stuff…but they precisely landed on the moon…..something doesn’t add up…LOL
Ya’ll forgot the one about Liz Claiborne being on Oprah and saying she didn’t make her cltohes for black women and Oprah taking her dress off and coming back in a robe and claiming never to wear a Liz Claiborne dress again. Then the put Spike Lee in it and said he said it happened.
Liz Claiborne never been on Oprah.