And you know what they say: B*tches love the smiley face.
(If you’re unfamiliar with that particular line from Boondocks and think that Panama is just haphazardly calling women b*tches, well, go kill yourself. Thanks. – VSB Management)
When Drake tells us on “Best I Ever Had” that his buzz is so big he could probably sell a blank disc, well, he’s not lying. I’ve constantly stated that I don’t understand dude’s buzz – and I don’t – but I can’t deny that it exists. Dude’s got more buzz than Lil Kim at a wet bar.
With two Bullets.
Now, I’ll admit that Drake has talent. He’s a more than able wordsmith with clever-enough punchlines. But is that enough to really build a buzz this huge? Not really, especially when you consider how many WOMEN are loving this cat. Not to be to much of jackarse (and much props to the women on VSB who are hip-hop heads), but women don’t usually break most hip-hop artists. At least they don’t create their buzz, anyway. Women may well be indicative of how well they’ll do in the marketplace, but Drake doesn’t even have a tangible product out yet. All of his material is on the net. Even his much lauded mixtape, “So Far Gone” (download link) is a web-only product. Slap me silly and call me Susan, but I don’t think there’s a huge amount of women on Datpiff.com.
I could be wrong.
And he’s from Canada. Home of the floppy heads and beady little eyes.
And yet, b*tches people love Drake.
So this got me to thinking, what exactly is it about Drake that has the internets AND the women going nuts?
10 Reasons Why B*tches Women (and other people) Love The Smiley Face Drake
1. He’s lightskint. Let’s be real, women have been waiting since Al B. Sure Ginuwine for another musically talented lightbrite to come onto the scene and Drake fits the description. And this one doesn’t look like he’ll beat the brakes off of anybody. Women tend to only want darkskint men to beat them. Light dudes are great for hair tips.
2. He makes nice music for women. Even his ignoranter songs (i.e. “Every Girl”) are really deferential to women in a respectful way. His mixtape mostly sounds like R&B with sing-rapping (i.e. Lykke Li covers, etc), tailor-made for women. Sure he’s acting all cocky and talking about taking women home, but he also seems like he’ll take you home…to cook for you. What a nice chap.
3. He’s a singin’ a** rapper. The difference between him and Kanye is that Drake can actually hold a note, on his own, without Autotune, and women love guys that can serenade them, even if he’s singing, “you’re the f*cking best, you’re the f*cking best…” I’ve always thought that singing curse words was hot. Apparently women think so too.
So basically, 2+3 =
4. He sing-raps about women, a lot. Like on almost every song. The key to getting women interested in your music is to constantly make songs about women. Drake does this a lot. Quit the cocky little f*ck, actually, though even when he’s talking about h*es on “Successful” it sounds more like he means “big hug” than, ya know, h*es.
5. Though cocky, he comes off as a complete herb when he’s not on the mic. Because of this, women think he’s sincere and genuine and will probably sleep with him and will wear t-shirts that say “Drake’s Boo” on them, before he even has an album out. Motherf*cking amazing.
6. He’s romantically linked with all kinds of hot women. The more women you’re allegedly schlumping, the more women you can schlump. That’s like the 8th law of physics or something. Word to that Nig Newton. Thus far, he’s got Rihanna AND Bria Myles. Match: Drake.
7. He speaks really damn well. Got to give him props here. The boy speaks like he reads books – for leisure. Most rappers sound like idiots savants. Women love a man who can talk that smart sh*t.
8. He can actually rap. As much as I don’t care for him, dude can put together some words. Though in all honestly, he sounds like Kanye without as much personality. Strange, most women don’t like Kanye that much unless they’re not cute or bald.
9. He’s humble. Ah yes, he doesn’t come off like he’s better than everybody else and avoids drama at nearly all costs. Then again, I’d hate to get into a fight around him. He looks like he’d run away and get shot and end up in a wheelchair. Oh, wait, that’s his TV character.
10. He also calls himself Young Angel. Every body has to have a Young pseudonym. Women like Young Angel because it sounds corny enough to be some sh*t a woman would give him. Trust me, grown men don’t refer to themselves as Young Angel unless they’re Mexican and from LA. But women love cornball sh*t like that so it works.
That, in a nutshell, is Drake.
And because of it, he’s so far gone.
Tell me people, why do you think b*tches women people love Drake??
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD 3