Double Take.

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So apparently Beyonce uses a body double when convenient.

Really!? (*rubbing chin*)

Now, clearly some people would be up in arms to find out that they’d been duped by the Creole Knowle who found it more enjoyable to go off shopping than make herself available for a personal special tour of a museum. Granted, it’s kind of dumb to send a look-a-like to your OWN special tour, which to me sounds like something you set up in the first place. You’d think that if you didn’t really want to go to your OWN PERSONAL TOUR of something, you’d call and cancel. But oh well.

She opted for the road more travelled and went shopping instead, but who can blame her?

I can just see Beyonce saying to her mother, “Forget the art museum, send Sheyonce. I don’t need to see no art. B*tch, I am Sasha Fierce art.”

By the way, did you all see the pink pants that Chad Johnson wore to the premier of Spike Lee’s documentary on Kobe Bryant? Fashion has just gone to damn far now. Anybody else noticed that rappers and athletes are starting to dress like the guys that rappers and athletes would beat up back in the day?

But I digress.

So Beyonce having a look-a-like, though devious, actually seems like a good idea. Think of all the demands made of Beyonce’s time. It stands to reason that if you could make it happen and get away with it, you’d snag a little time for yourself and send your clone to do the crap you really could live without. And if the trip’s in Mexico, you ALWAYS send your clone.

I think the bigger scandal here is this: Beyonce actually HAS a look-a-like that travels with her? This was in Austria, not Austin. That makes it sound premeditated. Then again, actually searching for and locating your clone makes the entire thing premeditated so, whatever.

This whole shenanigan (does the singular form of “shenanigans” actually exist? Like do people commit one caper then graduate to shenanigans? These things keep me up at night.) got me to thinking about a bunch of other people who could benefit greatly from having a clone.

Such as…

Barack Obama – Barry O spends more time on television nowadays than he does in the Oval Office. You can’t get work done if you’re always on TV. So what if he could send a clone to do all the speeches he’s been doing while he’s in his office pushing buttons and increasing spending making major decisions. Who’s to say he doesn’t have one already? What with all the random blunders (he actually said continulously, on air, this morning while thanking Arlen Specter for defecting to joining the DNC) we just might be witnessing a clone of the President who’s so often lauded for being so well spoken. Plus, it would give him more time to spend trying to kick Rush Limbaugh’s ass that smoking habit of his.

Michael Jackson – It might be hard trying find somebody who looks like an alien’s rendition of a human being though.

Britney Spears – She’s spent so much time in court the past few years, wouldn’t it be great to just say, “f*ck it, I don’t feel like going today, send Clone#2 to offer up my guilty verdict and I’ll just follow the proceedings on twitter.”

Captain Kirk – He got into so many shenanigans in his heyday and had so much alien cookie thrown his way he probably need a clone or four just to handle his smutload. By the way, smutload is one disgusting sounding word.

Eddie Murphy – After that whole transvestite prostitute thing, wouldn’t he have benefitted greatly if he could have been like like, “naw, homey, that wasn’t me, that was my look-a-like out there scheming on them hehoes. I have my OWN man-looking woman at home to deal with.”

Puffy (I refuse to call him Diddy) – Actually, one Puffy might be all the world can deal with.

Brad Pitt – That way Jennifer Aniston can get her a second shot at having his love children.

Namata – Just because he could make twice the amount of terrible music if there were more than one of him. Can you imagine this man and OJ Da Juiceman making a song together? You can…can’t you. (By the way if you can’t access those youtube links, you are truly missing out on f*ckery at its highest levels.  I actually thought dude was Flavor Flav’s singing alter-ego for a while.)

My guitar gently weeps for sanity.

(By the way, and not to take shots at Memphis or anything, but when I first heard of OJ Da Juiceman you couldn’t tell me he wasn’t from Memphis. His entire swag says Memphis to me. Speaking of bad swag, meet Mr. Hit Dat Hoe.)

So, who else could really use a clone?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

140 thoughts on “Double Take.”

  2. I would love for A. Keys to have a clone. However, i think its quite easy for celebrities to have look alikes because there are people out there who impersonate them for a living

    Reply ↓

  3. 1.) OJ
    2.) Bill Clinton
    3.) Mike Tyson
    4.) Barry Bonds
    5.) T.I.

    However, for reasons of my personal pleasure: Dwayne Wade, AI, John Legend, Ben Bratt, Robin Thicke & Josh Duhamel.

    Reply ↓

    • @Madame Zenobia,

      I’ve forgotten about Benjamin Bratt. He’s fallen off the radar a bit but he certainly is delicious, too!

      Reply ↓

    • @Madame Zenobia,

      Hmm, I’ll second D. Wade. Does the clone get the same personality? If not, there’s a FEW guys that I think the world could stand to see more of. We can donate my boss’ heart and lungs :)

      Reply ↓

    • @Madame Zenobia,
      I heard that AI was wacktastical from that groupie website lol! but maybe u could train his clone to be better…and maybe the clone could be genetically engineered with certain enhancements…

      Reply ↓

  4. Eff tha post. I ain’t even read it.
    *cue Il Fortuna*

    On this day, one score and nine years ago, the Lord saw fit to release upon this earth a blessing and a curse. Wrought through the union of two Ghanaian young people… He brought forth a force of nature. With a mission to spread fabulosity and ***Diva Dust*** to the world. She named herself… BlackBerry Molasses.

    Reply ↓

    • @blackberry molasses,

      Ooooo it’s your birfday! Now i gotta sing you a song

      “BBMo, it’s your birfday
      Happy birfday BBMo
      BBMo, it’s your birfday
      Happy birfday BBMo

      I wish you love and goodwill
      I wish you peace and joy
      I wish you better than your heart’s desires
      And your first kiss from a boy” *side-eye*

      2800 cool points redeemable for nothing to whoever can name where I got this song.

      But HAPPY BIRFDAY chica! May your rice flow a-plenty and may your swigs of Bailey’s be endless!

      Reply ↓

      • @Luvvie,

        Ooh!! I know!! It’s the Simpsons episode where Homer got committed to the crazy house and brought back a MJ impersonator he thought was real (but was voiced by the real MJ). He and Bart made the song for Lisa’s (first) 8th birthday!!

        *ends Simpsons fanaticsm, turns gangster back on*

        Happy Birthday, Miss Molasses!! I hope you get everything you want today, and that you have many more 29′s in your future! :*)

        Reply ↓

    • @blackberry molasses,

      *rolling up my sleeves and clearing my throat in preparation for the Spur, Gaborone-Botswana waiters obligatory birthday chant*

      WHOSE BEF’DE??? YOUR BEF’ DEEEEEEEE!!!! HAPPEEEEEE HAPPPEEEEEEE HAPPEEEEEEE BEF’ DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

      (mini-sparklers going off throughout the performance)

      *curtsies, exits stage left*

      Reply ↓

    • @ all so far….

      thanks y’all… and in the spirit of intrawebs f*ckery…

      Guess who’s spending her birthday in the ER with suspected strep throat/ swine flu…. FML.

      Reply ↓

    • @blackberry molasses, ***cue in Stevie *presses play on the aiwa boom box so the cassette tape can start, eh… i’m a little nostalgic 2day***

      Happy Birthday to ya, Happy Birthday 2 ya, Happy BIIIRRRTHDAAY!!!

      Reply ↓

    • @blackberry molasses,

      happy birthday lady la…..

      and print up another DDC card for humble_one….

      Yesterday was rigtheous….lol

      Reply ↓

    • @blackberry molasses, ay! ay! ay! ay! ay! Happy, Happy, Happy Bday to a beautiful VSS! You’re the best e-momma gemmy and I could have (gem, she’s our new e-momma since she’s so maternal and I told her we aint know who our e-momma was:(

      May you have many more:)

      Reply ↓

    • @blackberry molasses,

      yaaaaaaaay!

      *special deliver she from illness happy birthday shooting gold stars*

      feel better *hugs*

      Reply ↓

    • @erryones….

      thanks so much for the birthday wishes… they mean so much as I type from my bed. Not swine flu, but strep has me laid low. I’mma party like a rockstar when I recover… all Philly folk, I’ll have details. :)

      Reply ↓

  5. “Brad Pitt – That way Jennifer Aniston can get her a second shot at having his love children.”

    This is wrong just so wrong, lol. Why u gotta mess with jen panama, hasn’t she had it hard enough? She’s no match for that magic vag angelina, jen would lose the clone to her too :(

    Reply ↓

  6. I cant even reply to the question at hand, what i want to know is where in Sam hill did Panama find these youtube videos?

    Mr. Hit DAT HOE, wtf these kids need to be slapped with a Book. What is this world coming to, just when i thought the Stanky Leg was beyond all follishness and fu%kery, then comes the Hallie Berry, the Ricky Bobbie and know this foolishness the Hit dat hoe.

    See this is why a kid in my bff 5th grade glass said that Adolf Hitler started the underground railroad, only to be corrected by another student who called him stupid and said Hitler freed the slaves.

    I dont know who to blame for this ish.

    Reply ↓

    • @JamaicanGirl,

      Greatest thing was how Mr. Hit Dat Hoe rolled up outta the grand prix like it was a Bugatti Coupe or a Maybach 62. Please get your cousins ma’am.

      Reply ↓

      • @The Dutchess,

        Word. He woulda been better off just walking outta someone’s backyard. I couldn’t even make it all the way through that wack ass video

        Reply ↓

    • @JamaicanGirl,

      “See this is why a kid in my bff 5th grade glass said that Adolf Hitler started the underground railroad, only to be corrected by another student who called him stupid and said Hitler freed the slaves. ” .

      I weep for our kids.

      Reply ↓

    • @JamaicanGirl,
      See this is why a kid in my bff 5th grade glass said that Adolf Hitler started the underground railroad, only to be corrected by another student who called him stupid and said Hitler freed the slaves.

      This is just a shame. My mom went back to the classroom last year, and she says those kids don’t know anything unless it’s something they’ve heard on the radio or seen on 106 & Park. smh @ Hitler freed the slaves. Poor child was soooo far off the mark, but actually believed he was right….

      Reply ↓

    • @JamaicanGirl,

      See this is why a kid in my bff 5th grade glass said that Adolf Hitler started the underground railroad, only to be corrected by another student who called him stupid and said Hitler freed the slaves.

      like gemmies breath, this makes me laugh, wince, and cry at the same time

      Reply ↓

      • @The Champ,

        “like gemmies breath, this makes me laugh, wince, and cry at the same time”

        I really hatechu for making me cackle. Now the 2520s at my job lookin at me funny

        Reply ↓

    • @JamaicanGirl,

      … and the children are supposed to be our future, according to Whitney? Methinks we should go back to teaching the kids “Life, for Dummies.”

      Reply ↓

    • @JamaicanGirl,

      “See this is why a kid in my bff 5th grade glass said that Adolf Hitler started the underground railroad, only to be corrected by another student who called him stupid and said Hitler freed the slaves”

      Thats pretty sad.

      Reply ↓

  7. okay, where in hell did you get that namata dude from????? trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma…and i can tell he’s from our beloved continent, heysh… just letting down the side!

    if you’re going to clone him, you MUST clone sweet idris elba as compensation… then have the original take an extended tour of southern africa….specifically the parts where i reside.

    Reply ↓

  8. i’ve just watched the hit that ho and both namata videos, and it reminded me of something a friend said when south africa first got free, but the ad industry was slow to catch on… or perhaps they were resistant to the inevitable….

    the way black people were depicted in TV ads was so degrading, embarrassing, just f*cking ridiculous – a friend of mine was convinced that the ad industry was the last kick of the dying apartheid horse – she was always, always ‘there’s a conspiracy to make black people look stupid on t.v.’ – and looking at the ads, you had to agree….

    this is the kind of feeling i’m getting when i watched those videos… just shaking my head in chagrin…

    my people, my people…. batho baka, batho baka…..

    WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????

    Reply ↓

      • @The Champ,

        Do they actually have black people in South Africa?? ( lol! this really is a personal inside joke… went to S. Africa in 2003… to my surprize.. didnt see very many blk people)

        Reply ↓

        • @Laneianna,
          where the fvck did you go?the majority of the population is black.someone lied 2 u about u being in south africa!

          Reply ↓

        • @Laneianna, cape town doesn’t count, sweetie….they keep the blacks tucked far, far away in that hellhole masquerading as the french riviera/monte carlo… i spit on cape town!

          whenever i see african americans in cape town, i’m so tempted to run up to them and be like ‘no, no, no – you were supposed to get off at the stop BEFORE this one! when they said welcome to Johannesburg, we are now landing at O.R. Tambo International…. THAT is where you should’ve jumped out!!’

          Reply ↓

  9. Shocked and appalled… I am shocked and appalled at Mr. Hit that Hoe and the other two dudes.

    Gee Willikers. lol

    Reply ↓

  10. Umm I am from Memphis and f!ck you for trying to credit us with oj nothin about that wack a$$ ninja says memphis. Now we put down a lot of foolishness but I draw the line there I don’t know where he is from I believe he is the hoods frakenstein hybrid of plies and gucci mayne

    Reply ↓

    • @shay-d-lady,

      Own your ish. If I have to deal with “It’s so cold in the D” you can deal with OJ “murry not mauri” da juiceman.

      Reply ↓

      • @Humble_One,

        Bite your tongue! That was a hit! I’m getting hair just like that chick for the summer :)

        Reply ↓

    • You tell’em, Shady! In all honesty, though…I thought he was from M-town, too…specifically South Memphis.

      Reply ↓

  11. What is this tomfoolery that you have cursed me with this morning?

    I am sooo stupid after seeing this video. I made it to 1:44 minutes.

    I am now scratching my skin off.

    Thanks.

    *******************
    Answer to your question:

    Christina Milian (she’s gonna need someone to blame for that dreadful hair color)

    Reply ↓

  12. Why is that dude in the Mr. Hit that Hoe video with the Dallas t-shirt wearing a shag?

    Who needs to be cloned

    1) Isaiah Thomas from 1981-93. My team needs another point guard.

    2) Malcolm X. Negroes need to hear somebody tell them about themselves. e.g. Mr Hit that Hoe and Gucci Mane.

    Reply ↓

      • @The Dutchess,

        Yes you can enroll them. In matter of fact I believe they have a full ride scholarship. Open enrollment is from now until n****s get their ish together.

        Reply ↓

    • “Why is that dude in the Mr. Hit that Hoe video with the Dallas t-shirt wearing a shag?”

      LOL, I was thinking the same thing! D@mn, this dude rockin’ a shag?! First Kanye and now Mr. Hit that Hoe’s weed carrier/background dancer…this shyt has got to STOP!

      Reply ↓

    • @Humble_One,

      1) Isaiah Thomas from 1981-93. My team needs another point guard.

      you probably dont want the 1981-1985 isiah, because he was kind of an iverson clone then (read: gunnin-ass pg).

      Reply ↓

    • @Humble_One,

      And why is he wearing that tight, ashy sleep shirt…while jumping outta the Pontiac Grand Prix?

      Don’t they sell Chopper Suits in Memphis?

      Reply ↓

  13. *** i haven’t finished reading the entire post, forgive my pre-ignorance***

    pink pants and quotes like: “Anybody else noticed that rappers and athletes are starting to dress like the guys that rappers and athletes would beat up back in the day?”

    someone ASAPtually find Cam’ron and let him know his spot might get took!

    Reply ↓

  15. Um…Panama…sweetie….
    How in the he11 did you stumble across Mr. HitThatHoe and his travelling minstrel show? And Mr. Namata…poor, poor Namata. I think a little piece of my soul died and floated away upon watching those videos. Tell me, Brother Panama…are they some of Champ’s people…the chump side of the Champ family?

    Anywho, who needs or needed to be cloned…
    Tupac & Biggie
    Martin & Malcolm–I agree with the Humble_One here….

    Reply ↓

  16. I think you really like OJ Da Juiceman. Stop frontin’. This is twice in one week you’ve referenced him.
    We’ve been clowning Chad’s hot pink pants since earlier this week.

    Cloning? I’ve got nothin’…

    Reply ↓

  17. Them videos make me glad to be in the country…w/o access to the web at home……lawd help us

    No clones for me….I want the real deal…..

    Sade and India on the personal side

    Reply ↓

  18. Laundry List of things Barry O would do if he had a clone:

    1. have wifey spread her cankles all over the desk in the oval office and any other cool place for coitus on the white house property

    2. have wifey spread her cankles all over the desk in the oval office and any other cool place for coitus on the white house property

    3. have wifey spread her cankles all over the desk in the oval office and any other cool place for coitus on the white house property

    this was not a typo

    btw: cankles = a woman’s calf and ankle having the same width resulting in cylindrical shaped legs that are used for tennis ball holder molds.

    caveat: a lot of sistas w/ phat azzes have cankles (i.e. michelle obama), thus i have grown to love them

    Reply ↓

  19. Instead of cloning can we get a hybrid? I want Gabrielle Union’s face on Lastarya’s body. If that can’t be done just clone the talent of every quality MC in hip-hop. That way the good MC’s can outnumber the wack ones.

    Reply ↓

    • @Humble_One,

      Instead of cloning can we get a hybrid? I want Gabrielle Union’s face on Lastarya’s body.

      this might be the best idea ive ever heard

      Reply ↓

  20. I’m going old school and I have been saying this for years that he needs to be cloned although he is no longer with us, Yul Brynner he is one of the sexiest manliest men ever. Marvin Gaye because he is so attractive and one of the best singers ever (and like we only know we need some good singing these days)

    Reply ↓

    • @pinksghetti,

      Yul Brynner? I can’t believe someone else mentioned him. I used to enjoy watching The Ten Commandments every year to see his seksi Rameses.

      Of course, I’ve never been sure if that borders on sacreligious or not.

      Reply ↓

  21. I need my own clone. For legal reasons, I can’t say why.

    As for Bey (I feel I can casually call her Bey since I went to see that craptastic movie AND have tickets to her concert), shouldn’t dudes be glad their are two of her walking this Earth?

    Reply ↓

  22. I forgot to add that now I see why Beyonce can have 2 movies every few months, 5 commercials, be on 9 magazine covers , have a new CD and then make a video for every song on the CD. Performing all over the world doing a world tour and still be seen on the streets on NYC with Jay-Z and the following week with her mom at the airport. It must be her and her clone Nastasha Not-Quite-as-Fierce.

    Reply ↓

  23. I’d like one for me so I can eat all the crazy delicious shyt I think of every waking moment of the fauhcking day. Like I’d never back up off of the weed beer chronic beer dreadnought IPA amongst others…

    & Marlyn N. Aflack. mh mh mh that is one Hatian I wouldn’t mind takin on vacation amongst others.

    Reply ↓

  25. i know I said i don’t believe in cloning, but I’ve been compelled by a funny joke to nominate Carver the Great (aka Cornell Westside) aka fried chicken, aka KFC… why? cause it’s finger lickin’ good ;-) **Palin wink and finger guns @ Carver** hey boo

    Reply ↓

      • @WuDaMan, bwahaahaha. U silly Wu. and I love crepes and have some that I want to stuff w/ a non desert item… like shredded chicken and broccoli w/ peppers (green and red). sound good? or are the crepes too sweet a shell u think? Help a sista out.

        Reply ↓

        • @pgh muse,

          I’d think along the lines of bbq. Since I can’t wait for summer. Fruit juice marinated sweet sauce tampenaded, carmelized vegetables. Get it girl. add some sweet carmelized onions too. Ever heard of a remelaude. or treat em like the peking duck and hook it up.

          Reply ↓

      • @Carver The Great! (aka Cornell Westside),
        U brave for going to a mexican/asian establishment, not me bro i dont want nunna that SWINE lol!

        Reply ↓

  26. “Granted, it’s kind of dumb to send a look-a-like to your OWN special tour, which to me sounds like something you set up in the first place. You’d think that if you didn’t really want to go to your OWN PERSONAL TOUR of something, you’d call and cancel. But oh well.”

    Yeah, Bey, that was not a good look. It’s only adding fire to the Beyonce hate torch. Lots of sistas already think the chick is stuck-up so…

    Anyhow, I do now wonder:

    1.) If she refers to her double as Sheyonce or Sasha Meek. Guess it depends on if she uses the double for regular ish or performances.

    2.) If this double gets paid beaucoup money just for being bootleg Beyonce. I mean, it’s bootleg, but it IS Beyonce.

    “Barack Obama – Barry O spends more time on television nowadays than he does in the Oval Office. ”

    Sure does. Just read yesterday that he’s been covered more than Bush and Clinton combined. Black folks win! Jai Ho! Also, Obama’s clone should be Harry Lennix.

    Who else should have a clone:

    Oprah – I know, I know, Tyra has applied, but she didn’t make it past the first round of auditions.

    O.J. – So he can write a book entitled “If My Evil Twin Did It”.

    Kanye West – So he can have an extra person just for researching other songs to sample.

    Denzel Washington – For my own personal use. He can re-enact the “King Kong” monologue and Malcolm X speeches for me when I’m bored.

    Reply ↓

  27. I COULD USE A CLONE TO EXCAPE THE EMBARRESSMENT OF RUNNING ACROSS SOME OF THE GUYS I WENT OUT WITH WHEN I WAS GOING THRU MY “THUG/DOPE-BOY” PHASE! LOL! FRESH OUTTA HIGH SCHOOL, 16, IN AMERICA FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE 3RD GRADE.. I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER! LOLOLOL! WTF WAS I THINKING! I ACTUALLY DATED A GUY NAMED “MURK”. *SIDE NOTE* HE WAS SEXY AS HECK!

    Reply ↓

  29. A couple things

    1. When did VSB get this rookie class? Can someone give me a quick Mel Kiper like rundown of the top rookies and their upside potential?

    2. If you can’t ban the Snowman, then its hard not to see the truth in the Juiceman. That Make Em Say AYYYEEE! song is en fuego

    Reply ↓

    • @Dorian G.,

      2. If you can’t ban the Snowman, then its hard not to see the truth in the Juiceman. That Make Em Say AYYYEEE! song is en fuego

      I don’t know why, but something about that song bothers me. The 1st time I heard it I thought it was an amateur local artist. The track is too simple and basic…and not in a good way.

      Reply ↓

      • @Voiceofreason,

        “I don’t know why, but something about that song bothers me. The 1st time I heard it I thought it was an amateur local artist. The track is too simple and basic…and not in a good way”

        Well its better than that dayum Soldier Boi “hop up outta bed” f&ckery.

        Reply ↓

  30. I need a Beyonce clone ASAP!

    Also I will take orders for 25 yr old Lena Horne, Jane Kennedy, Beverley Johnson, (thicker) liya Kebede, Jordana Brewster, 25 yr old Kenya Moore, Maggie Q, and Ashwayra Rai…yeah…that would be a great start…(daydreaming)

    Bond. BlkBond.

    Reply ↓

      • @Cheekie,

        LMAO. That chick looks broke-down like she be in Mr. Hit That Hoe videos! I’d demand an apology if I were Bey. How dare they mistake this Garbage Pail Kid for Sasha Fierce!

        SHE AINT NO DIVAAAA!!!!!!!!!

        Reply ↓

  33. I guess I got it twisted cuz I thought a radio station pranked the museum by sending the look-a-like…not Beyonce. Doesn’t really seem like something Beyonce’s camp would do. Crappy movies…sure. Fake the funk THAT blatantly? Nah.

    I’d love to clone my nephew so I could have one of him. He’s so darn yummy it’s ridiculous.

    Reply ↓

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