Lists, Theory & Essay

Don’t Date Her Dude: Chicks Men Think They Want Until They Actually Get One

Just notice the hand and pretend the rest of this woman isn't here. Avoid that hand. - VSB Management

While I think that there are really one four different types of women out there who read (it’s a post for another day, and particularly for a day when I feel like antagonizing all of you reading women out there), within those archetypes are myriad nuances of women, made up of varying interesting, fun, and sometimes annoying characteristics that we have all come to know and love.

So interestingly enough, men also have these lists of things we look for in women. Now, we rarely put these ideas to paper and thus into the karmic universal ethos that permeates our very being, but we do make mental notes of the kinds of women we think we’d like to date. Usually, we are wrong about these things. It’s part of the maturation process though so all learning is good learning, eh? Since I see so many of you of boob out there wondering just what kind of woman PJ3 is talking about and whether or not you fall into that category (some of you definitely will, like it or not), let’s delve.


1. The feisty woman

You know her well. She’s the woman who gives it just as well as the fellas. She’s always got a snappy comeback and the cute attitude that makes her seem so attractive. She’s no non-sense. She’s got spunk, I believe is what the over 80 crowd calls it. In any argument she hangs like twelve Mandingos at a bar in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Here’s why we don’t really want to date these women. See, that attitude we find so cute upfront isn’t so cute once you realize it never goes away. It’s not just fun and games, it really is all attitude all the time. There’s no room in a relationship for two people who always have to have the last word. And this chick, is getting the last word. While the bedroom activities might be otherworldly, this chick has never met an argument she didn’t like having.  We all know that one of the characteristics mind find most admirable in a woman is having the ability to know when to shut the f*ck up. This chick…doesn’t know that. She’s good peoples though and can probably drink you under the table.

2. The flirt

I mean that’s how she got you right? She was warm and open and fun and touched your elbow. Thing is, this chick will get you in more fights than you ever wanted to be in, and some of it won’t actually be her fault. She’s genuinely a nice and friendly person. Thing is, her friendliness can always be seen as an opening. I should know, I’ve been accused of being the male version of this. Apparently all of this sexxiness gets construed often as “interested” attention. I don’t know what they talkin’ about though…in my head I be kickin’ ninjas down stairs. Anyway, dating the flirty woman sounds great because she’s got a great personality and because of this knows tons of people, but once again, there’s something a bit uncomfortable about dating a chick who knows every man that walks by. The mind is a terrible weapon. Plus, every night, you’ll have to fight to prove your love. That’s a lie. You’ll just be fighting because you dame won’t stop smiling at random balls.

3. The “cater to you” chick

All men think we want a woman who will cater to our needs. In fact, it seems ideal and exciting. Truth is, that gets old very quickly. See, when a chick spends all of her time catering to you, she’s not developing her own interests. Next thing you know she’s hopping around on one leg talking about liking whatever we like. Everything starts becoming about you or what you want to do. Indecisive women drive men nuts. But a woman who’s entire existence revolves around him is equally disturbing. By the way, if you meet a man who’s like that, run ladies. Trust me.

4. The Black power enthusiast

This mixed chick sounds great when you meet her and passion bleeds through he pores. Only problem is that one day, this light skint chick is going to question your Blackness, you are then going to question her gene pool and its recessive genes, and then you two will start fighting about who’s Blacker. There’s nothing like a chick who makes Paula Patton look like Grace Jones question your heart and dedication to your community. It’s kind of like a person who smokes cigarettes telling you that you smoke too much weed. If that makes sense to you, you smoke too much weed.

Those are four chicks that men think they want to date but they really don’t. Trust me. This is true. But ladies don’t fret, I want to hear from you. What are types of guys you all think you want until you date him? Tyrese? Ray J?

Good people of VSB, who have you thought you wanted to date until you actually did it? Speak to me, Petey.


P.S. This Ceelo album, The Lady Killers is one beautiful piece of art. You can stream the album here.

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • W!

    Wow.. I’ve known them all and dated them all… oh and first, maybe?

  • Cheekie

    I know one thing, that lady in the post picture needs to use her inside voice.

  • Inquisitive

    “By the way, if you meet a man who’s like that, run ladies. Trust me.”

  • MzPW

    Oooh! Ok, my turn to add….

    Let’s see….linebackers. Sure, the great smiles, outgoing personalities, and size (hehe) may have you thinking that you’ve hit the jackpot. Yet, after the first few months are out of the way and the season is over, trying to have a conversation about….well, stuff you may find in a book is like trying to convince a Black woman to vote for McCain on purpose.

  • Mari

    Surprised Kenosha even made it on someones blog. *shudders* I’d have to say “the flirt”. They are usually kind and considerate, courteous, talk to any and everybody. There’s nothing worse than a guy who knows EVERYbody. Pass.

  • tdixonspeaks

    To be fair, no woman wants to date the male equivalents of these women:
    The angry blk man, the Kappa, the mama’s boy and…the angrier black man.

  • Really Son, really?

    The Choir Boy aka “I love Jesus AND I have a baby-mama”
    Goes to church several times a week, has the Bible on his armrest in the car, but for some reason has a child and has never been married to anybody, OnceTAgain, has never been married to anybody. Run ladies, RUN!

  • Tessism

    I am the Sybil of this post. I have been each of these women at some point and all of them at same time more than once. I’m pretty sure what makes a woman a catch is her ability to be all things and whoever the heck she really is and you like it. I’m feisty and want someone to spar with who just dazzles the fight right outta me. I’m nice. I like people. I care. I don’t condone fighting over me for any frickin’ reason. I can manage the dudes on my own and the lines are clear. I need you to fight for my honor not because you’re insecure. And yes, I’ll cater to you if you spark that in me. You gotta spark it though and serve in the ways only you can. And I’m down for the cause but um I won’t question your Blackness if you don’t question mine. I think the danger here is the one-track woman who is a caricature of the dynamic human beings we really can be. One-trick pony’s can engage you for but so long…and that goes both ways.

  • IsOurchildrenLearning?

    I’m the feisty chick…and nope, the attitude doesn’t go anywhere :-/
    anywho…4 dudes to avoid are
    1. The ninja with no friends
    At first it’s awesome because you automatically become his bestie. He thinks you’re the greatest and does everything with you. Soon that schtick becomes old as you realize that he has no damn friends because he’s either super lame or a crazy person. Seriously, what grown man makes it through life without any sort of a crew?

    2. The metrosexual fashion plate
    dope in the beginning since his fly matches yours (I can’t believe I just typed that, carrying on) but you’ll quickly tire of keeping up. His quest to be perfectly coiffed at all times will grate your nerves and lead you to question his sexuality. One dude really called me up before every outing to ask what I was wearing in order to coordinate. Aaaannnnd, this ninja knew every designer of every piece of clothing I ever wore (and I don’t do logos). No bueno

    3. Starving Artist
    These dudes are passionate and emotional but BROKE AS HELL AT ALL TIMES. Additionally, once you recover from penis haze you realize that he was starving cuz his “art” sucked.

    4.Super Shy Guy
    While endearing, extreme shyness is plain old crazy. Plus you can never have a good time out with this fool because he always looks like he wants to cry while at the club. Which bring me to……..

    5. Party Animal (I know I said 4 but I’m feisty and don’t follow directions)
    While this cat can hang with any crowd and ensures a good time unlike the shy guy, he often wants to be out too much, and dang it, I got ish to do in the morning. Party animals often spend too much money on revelry and have backwards priorities. Additionally, This guy often drinks too much and passes out in inappropriate places

    6. The guy with a YOU fetish
    Whether it be a body part, an accent, your race, whatever, NEVER date a guy who has a fetish for something you have. While his constant jockin will be a confidence booster at first it WILL get old and become plain old creepy. Having someone STARE at you while sitting next to you is scary, no matter who’s doing the looking. “I want to have sex with your hair” is a sentence that no woman should endure. A real relationship can’t evolve since he doesn’t care about you at all, just that one aspect that he has a weakness for. Thus, if another girl comes around with that same thing in greater portion…guess what? He’s on to the next one.

  • Gem of the Ocean

    i was hoping i’d be some blend of whatever types of women listed in this post. in my mind i have enough variety in personality that i wasnt overbearing or boring a love-interest with the very traits he found so endearing in the beginning.

    sadly, i dont think ive ever been any “kind” of women besides the FEISTY woman. im constantly being told im feisty, sassy, have a smart mouth and that i always have to get the last word. and while i want to kick and scream and deny the claims, the truth is that i am all those things (and probably some more). *sigh*

    i’m trying to work on the not always having to have the last word. im a work in progress…

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