Dodging Bullets of Love With Beyonce!

Look at my chinchilla. Pet cemetery ni**a.

That damn Beyonce.

At this point, I honestly think she makes songs strictly to drive me crazy. Beyonce just released her aptly titled “4″ album. It’s an album full of songs that most of us will not remember minutes after listening, but apparently many people love. Sometimes, I think that I get different versions of albums than everybody else because my versions suck and others don’t. Oh well. One particular song on this bizarre ryde to the pharcyde is “Best Thing I Never Had”, which I believe was penned by Babyface and some other men who write songs for women about how women feel about men. Though, if my name was Babyface…still…I’m sure I’d be able to tap into that same soft place that Drake taps into as well. Maybe they should start a group called Prison Mentality and release an album called “I Dropped The Soap”.

An-t-way, “Best Thing I Never Had”. I hate this song. I’ve been trying to figure out why and it dawned on me the other day…again, the entire premise is off on this song. It’s…wait for it…

…wait for it….

…flawed and all.

*rimshot*

Le sigh. So this song, as you can imagine by the title, is about a chick who is dating a man though there’s no real commitment (I’m assuming) since she’s the best thing he never had and she’s the best thing he never had. Rah rah rah, sis boom bah.

Before I go into it, I kind of hate a lot of female empowerment songs. I know that sounds jacked up but hear me out. It seems like most of them are geared towards keeping chicks off that gallon of ice cream after a break up. Every single song is like a 3 minute version of For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When Rainbows, Lucky Charms, and Four Leaf Clovers Weren’t Enough. The men being taken aim at all suck…which is fine. That part makes sense. Except, they all take the unnecessary and just wrong step of assuming that the man is worse off without her. And let’s be real…considering its a buyers market out here for men, if we thought we’d be better off with you, we’d stay. But we don’t so we…don’t. Granted, I understand why songs end up this way, it just always annoys me.

I guess I just wonder if that’s what women really do to make each other feel better? Just tell their friends that the dudes life sucks without them? What liars. No wonder so many women are ready to stab their exes when they see them out. The ex-boothang is supposed to be miserable but instead he’s out spraying champagne on scantily clad women tossing wads of 1′s at Amber Rose and smiling.

And this song is no different.

I know you want me back
It’s time to face the facts
That I’m the one that’s got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye

So here’s my beef…if they were never really together, how exactly is she the one who got away? Clearly their not soul mates or he wouldn’t be f*cking up right? And ultimately, how in Sam Hill would she ever KNOW that she’s the best thing that he never had. It ain’t like he’s going to call her some years from now and say, “you know, Beyonce song written by Babyface, I know we never truly got together and fell in love and shared something real like Mary J. Blige and K-Ci, but what I envision our relationship could have been…well, that was better than anything I’d ever be able to get…even though I have no idea what dating you in a committed situation would be like. Thank God you found the good in goodbye. Even though we were kind of just dating and stopped, since I showed my a** somehow – how exactly did I do that…I mean she really was my cousin – I definitely lost out on the opportunity to break up with you in the future because of your flaws and all.”

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I’m so over you
Baby good lookin’ out

I’ve heard more women talking about dodging bullets than a little bit. What up with that? I actually had a chick say that about me once though she sort of denied that she was talking directly about me. Anyway, what did he blow? The chance to be with you? How do you know he wanted to be with you? Did he ever say this? You say you almost fell in love so you were ready and he was taking his time? Sounds to me like he wasn’t trying to lock you down anyway which means…ta da…he good.

He happy.

He dodged a bullet. Not you. More men feel like this than you know. You dropped him. Allow me to speak for him…”thank you.”

I bet it sucks to be you right now

Um, based on this song it kind of doesn’t. In fact its kind of cool since chances are you gave up the snappy nappy dugout. Now, get it right, I’m glad you’re finding power in this situation and able to move on. Great…let’s do lunch and tweet about our dates.

Look, I realize that I’m reading a lot into a song sung by a woman who wrote “Bootylicious” and who’s most famous lyric just might be “to the left, to the left” but for some odd reason, she seems to make songs that while I enjoy, seem outwardly non-sensical in the real world of logic.

Basically, I get worried that a lot of women will misconstrue their situations as being of the “Best Thing I Never Had” variety when most of these chicks need to be singing the lyrics to Deniece William’s song “Silly.”

Anyway, good folks of VSB, am I offbase here? It this just an attempt at misguided self-esteem buildling? Or is Beyonce singing the words that resound so deeply for so many women out there? Is Beyonce the theme music for female empowerment?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka BILLY BOB BEATDOWN BROWN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

  • CurlyTop

    The last time I listened to a Beyonce song was in ’07. She has this look on her face like she’s doing us a favor by being on our television/computer screen and all her songs started sounding the same.

    • CurlyTop

      And to answer your question, NO! She is not the voice of empowerment. Call me corny but I think we should find empowerment within ourselves not in others.

      • LMNOP

        I think there are people who are kind of voices of empowerment.
        Beyonces obviously not one of them.
        I’m drawing a blank on examples, but they exist.

        • MzPW

          Allow me to help…
          Jill Scott. “There’s power in them there hills.” (Something along those lines)….Jilly from Philly is a REAL woman and her music speaks TRUTH! (Not to mention, she also has talent and cang saaaaang, not just ‘sing’)

          • MzPW

            …and by “cang”, I mean “can”.

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Sounds good in theory but most of our self-esteem comes from outside sources. Either how the world sees us is how we see ourselves or words/acts of inspiration that makes you feel better about yourself. Either way, it’s coming from something or someone…maybe your parents growing up, etc.

        • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

          Not true…just not true. Well kind of.

          They cannot give us a truth about ourselves that doesn’t exist…just like you can’t appreciate something somebody says unless it appears unparalleled to you.

          Basically, there is no point in arguing. If we agree then you’ll love me…if we disagree you won’t. Err. What I mean is people formulate these logic foundations and base all of their interactions on it and…you know what…this is just too convoluted to be tryna type out on a blog response when I haven’t had enough time to thoroughly articulate the thought.

          We are what we are and whether people acknowledge it or not has nothing to do with our individual growth; that is just an excuse we tell ourselves. We can improve but that is a very difficult road to walk down. So, I agree and I don’t and feel like I shouldn’t have even commented but I care, so I’ll share…even when I feel less than stellar about it. bleh

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            Um….well….maybe…sort of…no. I can tell you anything about yourself, given the right age/mind set and you’ll believe it. All I have to do is start when you’re young. If I tell a child he’s bad, he’ll act bad. You can be beautiful and I can convince you you’re ugly. It happens my friend. It’s how our minds work. Very few people are immune to this. It’s done to adults all the time. It’s how abusers flourish, the military works, etc. All you need is a medium and time. Basically, it I produce the same message to you…over and over…eventually this perception will become your reality. It’s been done to African Americans for decades. It’s not even up for debate if you’ve studied any level of psychology Sagey bear. Luh yuh doe.

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              *if

            • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

              Well, thats where you are wrong. It is up for debate BECAUSE of how much Psychology I study. I do not deny that people at large are susceptible to conditioning – never made that argument. But every parent and every person is no going to stand by complicit to said brainwashing unless they perceive intervening to be worthless.
              “You can fool some of the people some of the time but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.”
              I really do have more respect for you after this than before because I can see so much more of what pushes you to say what you say. I really think you are a very kind hearted person.
              back to the point, It isn’t so much about being “immune” to conditioning but thresholds. My premise is based on some sort of normality. (Of course less extreme than your version of basically unless a person is Einstein they are getting punked), it is hardly accurate enough to be applied to how the general population operates.
              Anyways, my point is to say that we regulate ourselves after being given some foundation or process with which to encounter the outside world. Babies are often nurtured and shielded proactively. So I’ll give you a case and point…A young Sagey would often be told how unattractive he was by young girls but how handsome he was by older women. He didn’t know who to believe. He decided that it didn’t matter because what nobody could deny was intelligence. Thereby ruling both opinions irrelevant. The outside World only has so much power, especially once we realize who gives them that power.
              I hear you but what you say is not absolute…But I really appreciate you saying it. Because you make several points that apply to several large sectors of the population of the World.

              • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                So, ALL of this is to say that it’s not everyone…most of the population yes…but not everyone. Okaaaay Sagey, I agree. When I generalize, I am referring to the rule and NOT the exception. If I say Asians have black hair, yes there are 12% who have brown, but majority has Black making my statement majority rule. I’m not here to argue the few exceptions, you included. I know you’re smart and are much stronger than most people. I was talking about the majority of people on this planet.

                And this:
                “Anyways, my point is to say that we regulate ourselves after being given some foundation or process with which to encounter the outside world.”

                Most people do not have a solid foundation like we would like to think, there are always cracks and the right person with the right manipulation can infiltrate and fcuk up our entire world, self-esteem included. Psychology is always debatable and is always being debated and changed. With all that said, I stand behind my original statement. lol

                • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

                  And I disagree with how you saw that…I did not say majority. I don’t believe that. You say rule but I don’t think your rule applies to the majority. But that depends on how you define majority. Geez…this argument is already too complicated and I’m on the wrong side of it.
                  Then it is best I concede to your better sense. grrr.

                  One day…I tell ya T one day.

    • 90sgagirl

      Beyonce’s song title/concept sounds very similiar to a song Leona Lewis’ had a few years ago called “THE BEST YOU NEVER HAD”

      • Lizzy

        Thank YOU, someone finally points out that the song already exists!

        I know I’ll be in the minority here, but I will argue that her songs do empower some women. Should Beyonce be the face of the feminist movement? Probablyyy not. But to point and laugh at the idea that she does make some women feel strong seems unjust. She speaks to a certain female experience, one that we all go through at one point or another, and that is being devastated by a relationship. She comes up with corny little diddies that has millions of girls and grown women drying their tears and moving on. Is that so wrong? Is that not empowering in its own way? Every once in a while it’s kind of fun to dance to a line that says “who run the world! girls” instead of “you wanna see some a$$ I wanna see some cash, make it rain trick!” I get it, Bey obviously isn’t the brightest crayon in the crayola box, and it’s hard to take a woman seriously who has a wig for every day of the year for the next 2 decades. But we as a community can give a little credit where credit’s due, can’t we?

        • k-steez

          see, that’s the thing. i do understand that she makes somebody feel better about themselves. BUT, i also thing that “run the world” isn’t as far away from “make it rain” as people think. it still has a handful of b1tches and m0therfu@kers in it, she and her dancers are still running around in their drawers, and at some point they’re literally laying on their backs with their legs in the air. that’s just not empowering to me.

          • Lizzy

            Sooooo…you’re telling me that “who run the world” is on par with “make it rain”??? Alright, I’m not even gonna touch that. We can agree to disagree.

        • MsTwix

          @Lizzy: “it’s hard to take a woman seriously who has a wig for every day of the year for the next 2 decades…”

          This literally made water come out of my nose just now. LMAO!!

          That is all… :)

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I think she usually appears pretty humble.

      • Around the Way Girl

        I agree.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i’m actually amazed that you’ve managed to go 4 years without listening to a beyonce song. in fact…i dont believe you.

      NOBODY avoided Single Ladies. nobody.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        They said the same thing about that Cee-lo song, F*ck you. I heard it once a couple months ago. It’s possible.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          And may I add, there was absolutely no reason to avoid Single Ladies. Even if you don’t like Beyonce, the YouTube remakes were PURE entertainement.

        • Yoles

          i still haven’t heard Cee-Lo FU song

      • GirlSixx

        Exactly!!!!

        hahaaaaa.

        But she does need to go sit down somewhere and spit out some mini camels… I’m just Saying..

        i need a break .

        • Uptown Urban

          “….spit out some mini camels” NOOOOO!!! I had to cover my mouth on this one. hahahaa

    • Carol Robinson

      Yeah. Her songs sound the same. I bought her first 2 albums, and was unhappy with the second one. I suppose she would be a good show at a concert. The nature of her songs makes me wonder if she is happy with Jay Z. Just wondering…

  • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/category/laughs Naturally Alise

    Thank you for speaking on this because that sanging a.s.s. woman be singing some idiotic songs. Such a waste of a powerful voice and her huge platform for bubble gum nonsensical love songs and icky anthems.

    • LMNOP

      If her songs weren’t bubble gum nonsense I wonder if she would have that same huge platform

      • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        If her songs weren’t bubble gum nonsense I wonder if she would have that same huge platform

        Soooooo true. Her music seems to be getting more fluffy and insipid with each album.

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          A desperate attempt to stay relevant perhaps?

      • Intelligentleman

        No. She would not.

      • NikiPowell

        I don’t know about that…I think that if she did do a song that had some meat to it instead of the cottoncandy effect then people would still listen to her because she does have an amazing voice (though it’s not used to the best of its abilities at the moment). Is it me or was the music she put out as a group (Destiny’s Child) much better albums than as a solo act?

        In case your wondering about the cotton candy effect, this about when you ate cottoncandy and had a hugh sugar rush of ridiculousness only to end up feeling like your mouth is coated with crap and you have a headache. I feel this way about most of her music and a few other “artist” our right now.

      • Effervescence

        Probaby not!

    • bumilla

      Such a waste of a powerful voice and her huge platform for bubble gum nonsensical love songs and icky anthems.

      + a great testament to slick, well oiled PR campaigns.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I think the Crazy in Love album was great. But her last album was a little immature; didn’t seem to reflect her age. I wonder how this one will be.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know…you bring up something that is what honestly frustrates me to high hell about these artists. I think 4 is balls. its vapid to me and boring. others like it okay. but nobody is going to say that it is genre-bending deep or furthering along music in any capacity.

      i think artists like beyonce should have classic albums every time out b/c she can. she can always get the best producers and best songwriters to weigh in but we get crap like I Am…Sasha Fierce and then this album. I think that’s why I liked “flaws and all” so much despite its lunacy. it was good lunacy though. the sound was diffrent for her and it was trying a different sound. her voice is going to be good on nearly everyting she does and she adds to it. why not truly take some chances. you’ll see no matter what you do. that’s what kills me about some of hte bigger names in r&b. as long as its dope it will sell.

      Usher tried to make a mature album in “here i stand” and it bricked…but not bc folks didnt want mature usher…but b/c the album sucked. “love in the club” was the most boring first single ever.

      the one thing i’ll give beyonce credit for is not succumbing to the new euro-dance-r&b aesthetic that so many artists are doing now where there’s no diff between dance music and r&b.

      • http://www.blogvstheworld.com Thornton Douglas

        But what everyone keeps missing is that the point of what they’re doing (artists like Beyonce etc) is not to be different and shocking or classical. It’s to be marketable and keep that money flowing in. She’s found a niche that works for her and she works it to the best of her ability. Now, could she do a lot to improve her vocal abilities and her catalog of songs. Oh yeah, no doubt. But where does that translate into dollars. See people like yourself and many others don’t make up even 3% of the market that spends the money for what Beyonce does.

        It’s similar to when I heard people complain about R. Kelly’s music being the same back in the 90′s when he released his follow-up album to 12 Play. It doesn’t make sense for the artist to change their style if what they have is working for them. When I bought that R. Kelly album after 12 Play, I was buying it because I liked what I heard on 12 Play and I wanted MORE OF THAT. Thankfully R. Kelly didn’t dissapoint.

        So I can’t be mad at Beyonce for doing what continues to make her money.

  • LMNOP

    I like that you have this whole serious analysis of this. I would bet money the person who wrote those lyrics didn’t think about them half as much

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Babyface wrote the words. I’ll be money he thought long and hard about them. but i’m an overanalyzer when it comes to this anyway.

      I DO THIS!

  • nubiankween

    was you drinking when you wrote this? #drunklogic

    • LMNOP

      dont knock drunk logic. The internet and flush toilets were both drunk inventions. I have some amazing drunk ideas, I just don’t remember them the next morning.

      • bumilla

        amen. lol.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        all my drunk ideas have been BAD ideas…

        • DQ

          All my drunk ideas have been women…

          …and BAD ideas.

      • Alvin

        I usually regret my drunk logic…until I’m drunk again.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      not at all…but i should have been. b/c then i would have left in the section that i erased as to not hurt the feelings of the person who inspired me to listen to and laugh at this song.

      • nubiankween784

        a little birdie wants you to edit that section in

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          *chirptweetcaw*

          *Sonic toe tap*

  • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

    I love Bey, and her videos make me want to marry my television (usually before a Ricky Rozay video or a DJ Khaled’s Neighborhood video comes on after). After I Am Sasha Fierce, and the R&B version of “A Milli” (Diva), I just tune her out.

    Which reminds me, she’s still single, right?

  • nubiankween

    Panama, it’s difficult to make sense out of non-sense aint it?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you’ve been reading VSB long enough to know that that’s like my entire M-O. without non-sense, i cease to exist.

  • Mel – The Bone Collector

    I think the song can be applied to women and men. I know there are men out there who can think of a woman they wanted but things didn’t work out as planned and they were better off for it.

    Hell, it could apply to any narrowly missed wrong path in life.

    • Intelligentleman

      To some degree. Sure, a man may have missed opportunity or two in his past. But barring some catastrophic associated with that chick, men don’t fixate on said woman. We just rock on…on to the next one.

      I literally have forgotten women’s faces…chicks that I spent real time with. I bet that’s true for most men. Women IMO tend to always have that guy(s)…that missed opportunity…in mind…Even after she’s happy with someone else.

      • Innovative21

        “I literally have forgotten women’s faces…chicks that I spent real time with.”

        Not to be too rude or anything, but what does proclaiming that say about you? Women go for the long term, so your second (believable/truthful) statement barely suprises me, but it would if you ever claimed this and then, in the next sentence, said you actually really WANTED something of substance (with these chicks you’ve forgotten). And then again, I do understand some people just want someone to pass the time, but the rest of us (or maybe I should only speak for myself) value everyone who plays a reccuring role in my lifetime…and I would hope that I never forget them, good and bad: Supposedly, life is short, and time is TOTALLY unrecoupable.

        [fyi: it's usually us remembering the good and bad of the former man that allows us to recognize and appreciate the Great and not just merely the "good" in the suceeding man]:

        • NikiPowell

          *Cosign*

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          People in pain like to brag about how they’ve forgotten about people. It’s a source of pride. Makes them feel important, significant, wanted. It’s not actually something to be proud of, but if you live with scarce ego resources, you grasp whatever you can get your hands on. Im not telling you what I heard

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            kind of making some assumptions there though aren’t you? what makes your statement any different than the premise of this song assuming that the man is less well off without you? intelligentleman may or may not be in pain…but from the sounds of it, he isn’t. so why are assuming that his statement reeks of scarce ego resources. it reads as a matter of fact to me.

            hell i dont think he’s bragging. he was stating a fact to him. sounds to me like you are projecting.

            • Intelligentleman

              Thank you, good sir.

          • Intelligentleman

            What on Earth are you talking about?

        • Intelligentleman

          It says nothing about me other than that I’ve forgotten some people’s faces.

          You seem to be assuming that one cannot forget someones face if they valued that person and the time they spent together. That is false. I was actually refering to women I had been in meaningful relationships with (3+ years in some cases). I value(d) my time with them…during the relationships AND in retrospect. There were good and bad times. But that is irrelevant to the fact.

          The fact is that through living and experiencing life, many less significant memories get pushed into the corners of one’s memory warehouse by more significant and relevant memories. And THAT is what my previous comment summarized…the fact that, lacking a major event in a relationship with a woman (a child, an ugly break-up, supporting them thru a family death etc), a female companion eventually becomes one of those fading memories to me (and probably a decent amount of guys).

          It interests me that you seem a bit offended by that concept. What if I told you that I also remember some past companions’ faces but not their personalities? What if I said that I remember the sex but not a single meaningful conversation? Or a conversation but not the sex? What if I said that I’ve forgotten some of my homeboys faces from back in the day too? Would that somehow mean that I cherished those past relationships more?…or less?

          The idea that everyone you’ve ever encountered in your past (of significance) should be some kind of permanent marker on your mind’s highway just isn’t reality. No matter the breadth of the relationship, some people leave their mark on you. And some people just don’t. And while we’d all like to imagine that we were of such significance to our old flames, we quite likely were not.

          • Innovative21

            I want everyone to leave a mark with me: yes. Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes twice. And I want to reinforce myself to continue to do what it is that I do/did to yeild the more positive and happy future experiences.

            I’m just sayin, when it comes to people who spend a significant amount of time with me, they better have a time-worthy lesson to teach me that makes me a better person–and to show my gratitude, I will remember them for that–I’m gonna need to remember if I want better for myself.

            I don’t necessarily think we disagree, I guess we’re interpreting the significance of things differently. (but how do you forget faces tho?–maybe you needed cuter women? Higher prescription glasses? Did they all look alike? You keepin it in the family? Did you ever try to mack on them again without knowing? …nm, smh).

            As for how it relates to Beyonce’s lyrics, maybe we each have to interpret our past experiences the way we need to in order to make a better future for ourselves. There’s no right or wrong, just forward and backward. If convincing herself that he’s miserable without her acctually gives the girl the jump to be confidend and great, or even find someone better, then more power to her–better than her staking out your home…with 2 bitter instigating friends…and bologna…

            …for your car…

            • Intelligentleman

              *sigh*

              Really? Cuter women…better glasses?

              Is the concept that a man can happily move forward (and yes, even forget faces, names, personalities etc.) after a relationship with you has ended SO abstract that you can only mock the idea rather than accept it as possible?

              I understand that you WOULD LIKE for everyone you spent significant time with to leave their mark on you (which really says that you WOULD LIKE to leave your mark on everyone). But honestly, darling, that’s just not how it is. Your experinces with SOME people just don’t register in the long-run. Sorry. And that’s not as much a tale of individual personality as it is a tale of compatibility of the two people involved. So try not to take offense (or shots). The cold hard truth is that there are probably men in your past that don’t recall the slightest detail about you. And that’s ok. You don’t need them to…you’ve (hopefully) moved on. Or maybe you’re too you to have that kind of time-distance from your past. Who knows…

              Anyways…I see this little exchange here losing productivity so…take it or leave it.

              Forgive my apathy.

              • Intelligentleman

                *”…too young to have that kind of time-distance…”*

              • Innovative21

                chill, I was joking. Next time I’ll insert an “lol.”

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        Cant say that I’ve forgotten any faces, but I do agree with you logic here. I have a chick that I’ve referred to as the one who got away…except I have no desire to ever be with her again. I have no moments where I wonder what if. B/c at the core, there was something that broke us up in the first place. Time tends to remove bad memories unless they were egregious actions…but I’m good. Over it.

        I do tend to think that many women do fixate on men for whom they never got the necessary closure.

        • Intelligentleman

          I feel you there. And perhaps that is because I tend to be very accepting of the outcome of a relationship. If a woman wanted to end things with me, and I didn’t agree, I’d discuss my perspective on the situation with her and we either stayed together or we did not. If we broke up, then that was that. The end. Something about her Yin and my Yang didn’t make for a successful relationship, and I had to accept that. Maybe she wanted me back later in life…maybe she didn’t. Doesn’t matter b/c our time was back then, and I’ve since moved on.

          • Qozmic

            I’m all for movin on, but like I said to Panama,…that’s harder to do when you know she wasn’t wrong, you were… That more than anything makes me come correct with women. If I move on, it ain’t because I got dropped for something I was foul on… I can accept if things just don’t work out. I personally have a harder time accepting when I effed up…and now it’s too late. It’s happened a time or two in my life. It’s never a good feelin….

            Eventually, you accept your fate, and DO move on… but it takes MUCH longer to reconcile in your mind when that’s the case. Maybe it’s just me….

        • Effervescence

          That’s it Panama no closure! As a woman I can honestly say there’s NO ONE in my past that I feel like he got away. They’re gone for a reason and I know what that reason was be it he dumped me, I dumped him or we mutually agreed to separate. I choose to learn from my past, not live in it.

        • Qozmic

          Panama…your statement presupposes that the thing that broke yal up was HER fault. Maybe your shyt was raggedy, ….she charge you to the game, and afterward you realize you messed up. But it’s too late.

          It happens….

      • Qozmic

        Sorry Intel,…can’t co-sign this bruh.

        1) I know many a dude who has hung on WAYYY too long after they have been ‘charged to the game’. I’ve even done it a time or two in my life, although in my defense, I did my hangin on in private thought…not in public deed, so I didn’t make an arse of myself… . If you really are feeling a woman, it would be some incredible vacant shit to be able to just erase her from your memory. I can erase a jump off, but a woman I had something real with…nah. that’s like erasing a part of what made me who I am….

        2) There are things that can be blanket applied to ‘men’… this just ain’t one of em. Dudes come in all variations of hung up and sprung, depending on how you felt about a woman. If you can’t I.D. with that… maybe you’ve just never REALLY been in love.

        3) R.Kelly, Joe, Lenny Williams and Keith Sweat done sold too many records for your point to be valid. Those brothas have made careers outta beggin ass, Please-take-me-back-baby songs… so, …nah. I ain’t buyin it.

        • Intelligentleman

          I think you’ve missed the point.

          I never said “all” men, I said “a lot of” (read: most) men. But semantics aside, we are talking about forgetting (which is involuntary…not forced)…not erasing (which implies a degree of intention). There is a difference. For every Keith Sweat pining over a lost love there are a 1000 other guys happily moving on with their lives, and doing so with no ill will towards their exes. And that doesn’t make the cold or romanticise male stoicism, it just simply is what it is. There are always exceptions, but we are discussing what I believe to be the rule…or at least the more common scenario.

          Forgetting something about someone (or forgetting someone altogether) seems to be seen negatively in this discussion. And that’s unfortunate. There also seems to have been a few assumptions made about me here (which I’ll address later)…vastly wrong assumptions…and that too is unfortunate.

          Since the whole “forgetting faces” statement seems to be a distraction, let’s hone in on the meat of the discussion.

          In general, guys have less of a tendency to fixate on exes…especially in the long-term.
          Would you agree?

          The more significant your most recent life experiences are, the better your perspection is on your most distant experiences.
          Would you agree?

          Often, that fresh perspective (generated by those more recent experiences) allows/causes the memory of less significant, more distant experiences to fade.
          Would you agree?

          If you don’t agree with those statements, that’s fine. We should agree to disagree. But if you DO agree with those statements, I think you may be a bit idealistic of you think they don’t apply to your past relationships.

          That’s all I’m getting at.

          And for the record…a bit about me: I’m in my early 30′s, HAPPILY married for 2 years, other than ‘Mrs. Me’, I’ve had 4 women that I would consider actual girlfriends (the rest were only companions), in retrospect I was only “in love” with 2 of those girlfriends although I loved them all. Neither of them scorned me…we just split, be it their doing or mine. I grieved in some cases and celebrated in other cases, but I moved – The f*ck – On.

  • hehe

    I like Beyonce, I like her songs but she’s not the voice of female empowerment. Also I remember you mentioned on your BET recap you have no sexual desire for Beyonce which I find a lot of guys feel the same way abt her. I wonder why? hmmm…

    • Yoles

      probably because her crotch, clad in her sequined dereon onesie is always in their our faces

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Like I said, we’s tired of seeing that woman’s vulva with them snap crotch onesies. That ain’t sexy. Never in life have I heard a man say “Yo, you see that chick in the onesie? Shawty bang. I’d hit.” Nevah.In.Life.

        • nubiankween

          believe me, they probably think it, there are a lot of men who think she’s BAD in a sexy I want to do bad things to you kinda way

          • hehe

            really? Cause the last guy I remember saying she’s hot and sexy was a closeted(at the time) gay guy.

          • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            Now are we talkin Beyonce in a onesie or women of the evening on the street who roam the streets in a onesie? #itmatters

            And oddly enough, the dudes I know use Beyonce in a general sense, not an actual “Yeah, if I could…” sense. She’s kind of like Evelyn Lozada; she works theoretically, but you know something’s not quite right in actuality.

            • SororSalsa

              Evelyn Lozada is, to quote that classic movie Clueless, a “Full On Monet….from far away it’s alright but up close it’s a big old mess!”

              I think I’d like Beyonce a lot more if she’d just stop the dang growling. I’m so glad that Bey never did a duet with Gerald Levert…SMH. The’d have bears coming out of the woods to attack.

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                D.E.A.D.

              • Lina

                Totally read that in Cher’s voice. Is it bad, that I know the exact scene when she said that to Ty about Amber?

                • 90sgagirl

                  like totally not (rip Brittany Murphy)

        • hehe

          I really believe she wears onesies and no pants because it’s more comfortable when performing and gyrating.

          • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            What did the sexy women of decades past wear when performing though? Were they not just as sexy, if not sexier sometimes, without their nearly bare NuuNuu in someone’s face?

          • Lina

            Eh, IMO it seems like a yeast infection waiting to happen…no bueno

            • http://yourchildsmother.blogspot.com/ KMN

              Monistat7-3-1 game proper
              KMN

            • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

              We clown the onesies because she stays in them CONSTANTLY, but let us not forget that leotards and tights have been a standard dance uniform for longer than most of us have been alive. Any of us who studied dance as kids in the 70s and 80s, know that we wore leotards and tights every week, to every class. Our recital costumes were some fancified variation of said leotards and tights… just like beyonce’s. Bey’s are just extra fancy with #sequince and #rimestones and all other manner of Dereon awfulness. Beyonce is a singer who enjoys performing in dance recital attire. Is that so wrong?

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          Beyonce could certainly get *insert current ethnic term for sexual intercourse here* any day of the week. I’d kick out of bed afterwards because I’m tired of seeing her all the day time.

          • coldsweat3

            @Malik

            Yah, i wont go as far to say shed be my #1 pick but she still looks good, even in a onesie.

            • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption

              shes def a lottery pick tho

              • Rogman

                I am amused by the notion that Beyonce wouldnt get it if dudes had a chance to cut

                • RG

                  Agreed. All smoke and mirrors. It’s a propaganda campaign by some chick somewhere to get some simps to buy in. I havent met one cat that wouldn’t. I think it’s a Man Law.

                • Qozmic

                  Please… the idea that ANY man would turn down Bey is utter bullshyt. I’ve chased women half as fine as her. And I more game than the average cat. Not braggin …just keepin it 100% The reality is baring an obvious venereal disease, foul odor or a snake protruding from one of her orifices… most women, even extremely unattractive women can ‘get it’… it’ll be on some behind closed doors in the dead of night, where nobody will ever see us together stuff… but they can ‘get it’.

                  Let’s be real, fellas….

      • theeclectic

        tellemwhyyoumadson

      • realfreespirit

        Folded arms across chest and perished at “sequined dereon onesie!

    • hehe

      Also one my favorite songs from Bey is her vulnerable songs like “Resentment” and I loved her first album.

      • StillSuga

        Resentment is definitely one of those holler-at-the-top-of-my-voice-in-the-car songs I was talking about down thread, lol..

      • Around the Way Girl

        The vocals on “Resentment” are absolutely insane. She had to have gone through something to kill it with so much emotion like that.

        • ms.informed

          Actually that spice girl chick wrote that song. Beckham’s wife. what’s her name?

          • Around the Way Girl

            Oh, Victoria? Word? Are you sure lol that song is so soulful! If she did write it, then bravo to her. But if you youtube the song and listen to the way Beyonce sings it, she was feeling those lyrics too. Either that, or she really does have some acting skills.

    • Alvin

      At this point, I think it may be “cool” for a guy to say he isn’t sexually attracted to Beyonce. Even though they completely know they would take that down in a heartbeat should the opportunity present itself. I don’t buy it.

      • Around the Way Girl

        Exactly smh yall need to quit frontin lol

      • Intelligentleman

        I don’t know, bruh…I think there’s something to it.

        Did you ever know a chick in high school or college that was fly for the obvious reasons (physically), but there was something about her that killed your interest? Beyonce seems like THAT girl to me. Like…maybe you’d smash under the right circumstances but you’d honestly rather be on somebody else…hell, almost anybody else. I don’t know.

        I does seem fashionable for ninjas to dislike Beyonce tho.

        • Alvin

          I know exactly what you mean about the fly chick who just had that one thing missing that may have shut off your interest. But we’re talking about smashing here. And the only thing that the fly chick would have to have missing for “most” guys to pass on a smash would be a vag. I’m pretty sure Beyonce has a vag. So there we go. lol

          • Intelligentleman

            Lol…Touche, my brotha…touche.

            Still…maybe I just look for more in a woman these days…even if all I want is sex.

          • Intelligentleman

            Lol…Touche, my brotha…touche.

            Still…maybe I just look for more in a woman these days…even if all I want is sex.

      • CNotes

        *nodding head in agreement*

      • Caballeroso

        I think the disconnect with what is being said is the distinction between sexual attraction and sex appeal. I think most guys would agree that she is sexually attractive and would gladly bang the sh*t out of her if given the opportunity (#jayzswinning); however, she has the sex appeal of a tree. In other words, when I sit back and create a list of the top ten women I happily lust after and would love to get with, she doesn’t come to mind (#jayzsnotwinning).

        • Qozmic

          Now THIS I can agree with….

          For me, she just doesn’t seem to have that ‘real’ thing goin on. She’s too poster perfect in her looks, and I’ve never heard her say anything intelligent or controversial… She might be hella intelligent, who knows… In fact she probably is. She’s certainly talented and hard working. That’s always attractive to me… I think it might just be that her persona is so stage-managed, that there’s no “there” there…

          I’ll say this though… Jay ain’t got not shortage of bad broads he coulda chose from… He chose her. Any woman killin the game hard enough to buy me a Bugatti Veyron (see below) for my birthday probably deserves a second though..

          http://www.dieselstation.com/cars/bugatti-veyron-grand-sport-sang-bleu-a1995.html

      • Qozmic

        yep, yep…

    • Intelligentleman

      Because she’s not interesting.

      The end.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        Thank. You.

      • Alvin

        Since when did interesting become a prerequisite for $ex? Maybe I’m just a savage? lol

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Really? Cause most men I know would love to tap the sh*t outta Beyonce. Panama’s non attraction to her is rare in my opinion. lol…very rare. I wonder what he would do if Beyonce was standing right in from of him butt booty naked. lolol

      • bumilla

        you are a fool for “butt booty naked.”

        i’m sure he would curse hisself for not packing extra rubbers. lol.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          he’d raw dog it…trust.

          • Qozmic

            I can’t even front…Bey would be a cowboy by morning. “Git along little dawgie…git along…”

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              *DEAD*

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        depends…cuz ive had that happen to me before (not beyonce of course but an attractive woman) and i just told the chick to get dressed.

        as has been stated here…men do indeed say no.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          O_O you need more people lol

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            we could look her up on facebook and ask her if it happened…but i’m sure she would curse me out. again.

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              You aint right. Neva let good lookin booty go to waste.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      To be fair…I think Beyonce is very attractive. I recognize that she’s hot. Its just that for some odd reason she comes off as too much of a robot for me to attach any sexual desire to her. Basically, i’m not sure that she exists and im’ not into bangin pontifications.

      • Alvin

        Maybe because she is so abstract, so far removed. It’s almost like she doesn’t exist, despite her ubiquity. I think your tune would change if you were around her, though.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          maybe…ive seen her in person and was close enough to get a good non squinty eye view. but maybe that would change. me no know.

          • southsidebobbyque

            Built by the Gods in the image of perfection, yet she kinda has this stink mouth thing about her. IDK its probably just me?

  • nubiankween

    she’s Jay’s wife, they’re scared lol

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Or is Beyonce singing the words that resound so deeply for so many girls out there?

    Slight but significant amendment, yes. They’re pop songs so I don’t really expect much from them except a repetitive chorus and a catchy melody. Logic isn’t something that is in anyway necessary. It’s funny (and sad) how all of her ‘empowerment’ songs always have to do with saying ‘ef men, I’m better on my own.’ This is all the while she’s married to a man worth roughly what 400 million dollars and arguably one of the best in his field? Beyonce is playing her fans.

    • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

      *holds up an applause sign*

    • 90sgagirl

      I always thought it was funny that when she got married she makes a song called “Single Ladies” (no vh1)

    • Andi

      “Beyonce is playing her fans.”

      It’s her job. And she’s good at it. #yeshrug

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Exactly. It’s a business and she’s extremely good at it. I can’t think of any artist who practiced exactly what they preach. Hell, even Marvin Gaye, king of s.exual healing and love making, was beating the sh*t out of his wife.

        Black people please. lol

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          BOL, and when did we start requiring that anyway?

        • The Possum Hill Kid

          Marvin was beating his wife? Are you sure you’re not thinking about Ike Turner?

          • niksmit

            No, she talking about Marvin. Ike did not corner the market on domestic violence.

            • The Possum Hill Kid

              Wow. That’s shocking to hear that Marvin hit his wife.

    • http://api.ning.com/files/K4CpPQLnG9uYPD9YnneK6*bqywvGNOwwWsFwfH1eGrvTEdZIBspnVhPEyJtp2eO4l75RMkPV-XfVdMxPnWUDlBRdlplXjTnq/RutgersAlumniLogo2007.gif Todd

      #truth

    • DQ

      *They’re pop songs so I don’t really expect much from them except a repetitive chorus and a catchy melody.*

      There is wisdom in this observation.

    • CNotes

      “It’s funny (and sad) how all of her ‘empowerment’ songs always have to do with saying ‘ef men, I’m better on my own.’ This is all the while she’s married to a man worth roughly what 400 million dollars and arguably one of the best in his field? Beyonce is playing her fans.”

      (Standing Ovation)

      • Around the Way Girl

        Actually, in response to what you just quoted, she goes hard in the other direction too. In songs like “Dangerously in Love,” “1+1,” “Cater 2 U,” and countless others, she talks about what it’s like to be head over heels for a good man and willing to do anything for him. She reps for the single ladies and the “wifeys.” I don’t think she’s playing anyone.

        • CNotes

          @Around the Way Girl

          To be fair, I don’t listen to her music (other than what I am forced to hear via radio, party, etc.) so you are probably right about that.

        • GirlSixx

          But these songs were all before the ring though.

          • Around the Way Girl

            Nah. They’re on this album and they were on the last one too.

    • GirlSixx

      Hahaaa.

      Yep!!!!