[***Today's post is a guest post from VSB commenter, Breazy Hale. He blogs at the site Corner Politics. Spread love it's the Brooklyn way. Clap for him.***]
Through out my short 33 years on this earth, I’ve heard the â€I gotta do what I gotta do†excuse from men countless times. Normally the person saying this has found himself in a desperate situation – back against the wall – and ends up doing something he otherwise wouldn’t do to get out of the situation. While I’m not knocking the next man’s hustle or coping skills, I’ve come to realize that these “back against the wall situations†could have been prevented 9 times out of 10.
For some reason, us menfolk like to make things harder on ourselves than they have to be. Cutting corners? That, along with taking the easy way out, is our norm. Because of the “do what I gotta doâ€Â excuse some of us men have, we’ve removed all accountability out of the equation in order to not be held to standards of mandom and to justify things like  dropping out of school, selling dope or being an absentee father.
“I gotta do what I gotta do†isn’t limited to the youngins wearing skinny jeans, dreads and listening to Lil’ Wayne, either - even though you would think so due to the influence that rap and YouTube has on this generation and the “I gotta get mine” attitude that is displayed. Now some of our elders have used this excuse, probably as long as they’ve been alive, and you see them - grown men old enough to be our uncles and fathers - standing outside of liquor stores at 8:00 in the morning waiting for it to open. Or you see the old man playing scratch offs still waiting for his ship to come in. All because at some point in their lives they didn’t take care of business like they should have and decided to go the easy route. This cancerous idea is learned and is no doubt passed down from generation to generation.
This attitude arises when we as men fail to reach our full potential and realize some of the fundamentals of manhood, so we start to justify our short comings. Mainly we fail to realize one of the fundamentals of manhood; a man’s gotta do what a man is supposed to do. You see, if a man takes care of business and does the things that he is supposed to do, then he won’t be forced to compromise himself and his beliefs by doing what he’s gotta do. I repeat: if a man takes care of business and does the things that he is supposed to do he then won’t be forced to compromise himself and his beliefs by doing what he’s gotta do.
Doing what is supposed to be done may take a little longer or involve more steps but the reward is worth it. The certificate or degree that you earn from staying in school instead of dropping out to chase the fast buck will be yours and no one can take that from you, just like the sense of pride that you will have from being involved in your child’s life as opposed to skipping out. So man up, take care of business like you’re supposed to, and reap all the benefits that you will gain as you travel down the road to becoming a better man.
DC VSB folks: Don’t forget that tomorrow night at Liv Nightclub is Karaoke 4 A Cause from 630-1030PM! Entry is a toy ($20 or greater in value) or a $20 donation. Get your karaoke on and pretend your Loofa for the cause.
Amen, amen, amen! I couldn’t have said this better myself! I think it begins with realizing that our men are capable of greatness. YOU – man reading this– are capable of greatness. And once you realize what’s inside of you, you won’t settle for being an absentee father, or a drunk or hustler, or even a 9-5 that is lower than your capabilities. You can do it! I’m not trying to be Tony Robbins, but there’s a truth that if you believe you can accomplish great things, great things will happen. Being a man is realizing this, and meeting that truth head on. It’s your time.
Thank you, this is a topic that I’ve been wanting to write about for a while, I can admit that I am guilty of this mental state at times but I do recgonize it’s negative potential and strive to be not only do better but be better everyday.
That was sweet
Beautiful. Kind hearted AND motivational.
This might be the last four months of my life.
Whatchutalknboutwillis?
Great Post Breazy Hale… welcome
personal reasonability… for some its instinctive for others its the hard lesson lesarned
*learned
Great post. I just spoke with a young man about this very thing. He was a 17 year father of a daughter, with one on the way.
Doing what you are supposed to do may take longer, but the result of that diligent and faithful work is a sweet, often long-lasting reward.
I don’t think it’s instinctive. Toddlers are little hellions who believe they are entitled to just about anything they can reach and put in their mouths. It takes time outs, talks, and lessons you learned in kindergarden to mold decent human beings. Like sharing, giving, manners, work ethic, etc.
Thank you Yoles.
This journey called life is all about learning. If you find yourself in a “I gotta do, what I gots to do situation” LEARN from it, and make sure that there is not a next time, at least not on your account. The wise man once said, there is a season and time for everything. It can’t be that all your seasons are dominated by I gots to do…..
In other news, I LOVE that man’s back. From the looks of it, he is a man about his business, who looks like…..mmmmmmh mmmmh, he could do thangs. YES LAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!
puppies!!
*G slowly melting
Lol @ the comment to the back. I have a ‘thing’ about backs too!
That huge knot concerns me. My first thought was “Is that a tumor?”
First
Or not
Not.
LMAO!!
This post makes me think of that City High song, “What would you do if your son was at home… crying all alone on the bedroom floor ’cause he’s hungry and the only way to feed him is to… sleep with a man for a little bit of money…”
Is that really the only way???
Good post.
Oh and PS. KARAOKE FOR A CAUSE IS GONNA CRACK!!!!
“I didn’t have a choice” and “What was I supposed to do” is the female version of “Do what I gotta do”.
Oh so true.
+5
Nikki Giovanni said “We dont always do what we want to do, but we always do what we have to do.”
That’s what I like to call being hit with a dose of reality.
women be quick to play that what would you do card cuz as a man we can never internalize with them or whatever
I agree, Jay.
Aw sh!t.
Except at least that money is going to support a child vs. supporting a habit.
Sometimes.
It’s totally tragic when it’s both.
Indeed it is, a true shame.
Right, like whatever happened to just maxing out a few credit cards…
Until what men are supposed to do becomes the expectation this won’t change. Society accepts the hustle rather than expecting greatness from men that can produce it. Its easier.
+1 and might I add, brown people also need to do a better job at instilling the values in these young men that are being raised, as to give them a strong foundation to build on and become quality “men” in the long run.
Might I add that unstable family situations and toxic environments that we as black people grow up in make it a LOT harder for us develop the maturity, patience, and focus necessary to stay the steady course and do the responsible thing. Next thing you know you’re in a bind and you don’t have many options. Not making excuses, just saying it goes a lot deeper than just “Don’t do this…. do this instead.”
It’s like chess. Sometimes games are lost because someone makes a bad move, fails to see a threat, or falls into a trap. More often than not though the game progresses and one player gains an advantage by limiting the opponents options subtly until the only options left are bad ones and worse ones.
hearing men who get their come uppance, i would like to believe theres the potential to shelter yourself from a toxic environment. its a personal thing. you can become a product of all that is bad or you can see an environment thats good and become a product of it instead. males who are in the hood of hood yet are deadset on becoming a doctor or lawyer or owning a business. theres shelter in such focus.
i know for myself the environment i grew up in was so completely harmful and painful to me it was the pressurizing force bearing down on my bubble of a world. to this day i keep my bubble free of anything recognizable as toxic. just because you live in it doesnt mean you have to become it, though, i understand some people end up drowning in such environments.
Truth is most people end up drowning… and its not just black people. Most of us, and by us I mean humans, are for the most part products of our environments. Of course there will be outliers, those brilliant few who make it out of the most adverse situations… but everyone is not exceptional. Very very very few of us(humans) are exceptional… the root of that word being “exception”.
Concise and astute commentary right there!
If that isn’t the damn truth
So true, Jay.
But I don’t think that you have to be brilliant to make it out of a desperate or toxic enviornment, just a want and a drive to make it out.
Ice Cube said “the hood is where I’m from, not what I am”
Temperament is the key to a human’s success in life. What they are naturally equipped to handle in the environments that they are surviving in. Very few humans have the ability to transcend not only their environment but literally the obstacles that keep a toxic environment in place. What life never tells anyone is that there only can be a few “winners” in life…whether we like it or not, others need to be losers to inspire the next generation of winners.
some people would rather be helpless victims because victimhood has many benefits.
Like EBT cards.
I do understand what your saying in regards to living in a toxic environment, however I have worked with children in several inner city schools that come from troubled past that live in poor neighborhoods. In my observation really if the parent is present and active in the childs life teaching them right and wrong,instilling values in them,showing them how to respect their elders, themselves and their peers. I found that although their environment is rough and they don’t particularily have a good set of role models around them, they are better prepared to choose between being ratchet and becoming a stereotype, or choosing to be somebody and going against their environmental norms…
This post reminds me of my neighborhood dope man. Notice I didn’t say “dope boy.” This ninja is knocking on 50′s door, beard full of grey & errthang. Still runnin around serving smh. I KNOW he tired, but he never set up a plan B to fall back on. I personally kno how the “fast life” is. Dat sh*t flies, it’s like a time warp. You kno one day he just looked up, & he was all the sudden old. I feel sorry for him. You know what they say: old fools were once young fools.
This story reminds me of a joke said by the stand up comedian Tony Roberts:
“If you’ve been selling drugs for years and you still ain’t came up? You need your ass beat!” LMAO!!!!
Lmao
And I bet everytime he goes to jail, it’s some ignorant negro and/or hoodrat posting one of those dumb a$$ “FREE MY N*GGA” tweets/posts on Facebook or twitter.
Those irritate the living sh*t outta me. How did we come to a point where we think individuals aren’t supposed to pay for the consequences of their actions? There is no personal responsibility or accountability with this sh**.
Everyone wants to be pardoned instead of feeling reality, which teaches you very quickly…
Hearing people say that
scares me.
The same way we came to the point of celebrating someone getting out of jail over someone earning a college degree.
Smh , I know right.
that ish happened to me, one off my best friends came home after a bid. got thrown a neighborhood block party.
me on the other hand, one of the few nyggas from my hood to even go to college…..nuthin! only sideways comments like “oh you think you too to good for your folk now?” ( which by the way i am…and always was, but i digress)
this perverse culture has the sons and daughters of africa celebrating the hideous and shunning what’s what’s righteous and just…..
Seriously..it’s to the point where achievements are seen as sin in the hood and vice versa.
Now why is it when i mentioned this in the post that PJ wrote about being an outcast and the one that Champ wrote about “acting white” i got crap from a few of the people here on VSB?
Cause everybody wants to paint the issue in a way that doesn’t seem so bad….but we all know the truth.
That is hurting our community more than it is helping it. Sweeping our problems under the rug is a detriment to our success as a whole.
Great point, E. Reed! That angers me too!
if my uncle did what he was supposed to do he wouldn’t be in jail right now b/c of child support… *sigh* why must we promote stereotypes about ourselves?!?!
Not a personal rant:
Let go of whatever made you hot in high school after you graduate. Otherwise your silly azz ends up as a 30+ year old laughingstock.
+100
And if you we’re a nerdy outcast… Keep doing you!
Hear that, wonderful alumni of Southside High School?
*ducks tomatoes, shoes and bottles*
Throwback time
Damn homie/in high school you was the man homie/the fawk happened to you?
^runs through my mind EVERY GOTDAMN DAY here at my job, looking at these worthless ass old ass broke ass keep wishing on a star ass Black people.
Man I wanted to say that to guys I use to date back in HS, lol.
hahahahaa it aint too late!
Lol, but it would blast this song if I see one of them walk by
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HVqGxdiRw0
You are evil. Therefore we are now friends.
Craig and Dem in the place to be! Happy 24th Birthday to C-R-A-I-G! 12-12-12 and I’m gon be 24=12×2
Happy birfday playa! *buys a round of shots for the VSB afterdark crew*
Could you make mines a double please? Since Craig is posting twice I deserve two shots!
Lol! Nilla, you’re my kind of girl.
oh, we just gettin this party started… let’s go out back or on the side of the house and ‘do what we gotta do’
lol… hopefully Tes will be bringing them wangs back just in time. 
*checks pocket* Shoot, I got my lighter, leggo.
Not sure which post to tell you …..
*passes a super-strong drink*
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday!!
Happy birthday!
*turns around to buss it wide open for the bday boy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Happpppy Birthday!!
Hold the hell on- you’re 24? From the way you typed, I thought for sure you had to be at least 30!
Thanks PA. I’ve been told I’m an old soul in a young body. Thank you all of VSB for the Happy Birthday wishes
mmmm……… young body……..mmmmmm
Happy Burfday!!!!!
Happy Born Day…#under25VSBgang
Craig! I said Craig!
Double cheers to the homie
^_^ Happy Earthstrong homie!
Happy birthday homey.
Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!!!
Happy Birthday Craig.
imma get drunk while on the clock in your honor!
cheers….
♫ ♪♪ ♫ Happy Birthday to You ♪♫•*.*•♫♪♪Happy Birthday to You ••♫♪ Happy Birthday, Dear Craig and Dem Happy Birthday tooooooo You! ♫ ♪♪ ♫
Craig and Dem in the place to be! Happy 24th Birthday to C-R-A-I-G! 12-12-12 and I’m gon be 24=12×2
Happy Birthday!!!
Thank you Beautiful and Powerful Khaleesi
Game of Thrones reference?
Yeah, girl. Jay started that shyt as his mind runs rampant with fantasies.
But, hey, I’ll take it! 
I just started getting into the first season. I like it. They have too much tittayz tho.
Read the books too. Good way to burn an afternoon on a treadmill.
Did someone say tittayz!?!
*Note to self….Game.Of.Thrones…*
There are nekkit tittays in every episode.
“There are nekkit tittays in every episode.”
Word!?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGk068qdY1k
I’m such a sucker.
“I’m such a sucker.”
Freudian, perhaps. I’m not cleaver enough to have done this intentionally.
Happy birthday, Craig!
But 12-12-12 is 12 x 3 so…
happy birthday anyway
Happy Birthday!!!
Good post Breazy Hale, but shall we do what we gotta do a little further? I’ve heard this expression countless times over the years and, yeah, it could be because someone screwed up and their back is against the wall. Most of the time when I’ve heard folks say this it refers to the person actually taking responsibility for their situation and tackling tough issues in their life. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with failure, but recognizing a tough situation is going to take making and living with a decision or action.
I don’t doubt for minute that folks use this phrase as a cop out, but in my experience it is just facing a hard, cold reality for most. When you wake in the morning and you don’t want to go to work/school/whatever, but you know that you are going to because you know you gotta do that, it’s a gotta do what I gotta do situation too.
I suppose its all in the person and how they are using that phrase to validate the issues they face.
And thank you for stealing my thunder. Good job!
People are “supposed to” go to work everyday if they want to stay employed though.
It sounds like you’re arguing semantics. But the basic point I think the author was suggesting was taking responsibility to avoid negative consequences… Not necessarily waiting to take responsibility after negative consequences have already occurred.
I agree.
It’s one thing to have that attitude with things that help us succeed and survive. It’s another when you’ve blew off all your good options, and keep missing the oppurtunities to make a change, so you stick with the only thing left to keep your head above water.
That’s called being a fawk-up.
Not ‘arguing’ SweetSass, just taking the discussion a little further. Sometimes going to the job can be a hard thing to do when the environment is one that is inviting for lack of a better word.
Is NOT inviting…ugh
It’s better to take care of business in the first place, than suffer the consequences later.
I’m reminded of a line from “The Great Debaters” that says you do what you have to do to do what you want to do, but it’s not the same thing, is it?
It’s more of a Peggy Lee type “Why Don’t You Do Right?” type thing, huh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_lnE_L_E8M
I’m exhausted and don’t wanna ramble. I’ll come back later with something good. Maybe snacks…
*exits stage right*
Drinks from Ice and Snacks from you… I want wangs!!! Could you go by Wing Stop and grab me some please? Thanks.
WANGS?! QUEEEEEEN?!
You cannot possibly consume that many WANGS.
Just so we are all clear you want WINGS or WANGS?! I mean…..aaay!
LMAO… girl stop! I was laughing so hard this morning when I read this! I forgot how wangs is used up in hurr. Yes, I meant wings… *wonders if you can also get wangs at Wing Stop?*
Half lemon pepper & half BBQ. Fried hard. Preciate u, Tess. *locks door & turns to nilla* Girl, if she ain’t got them wings, don’t let her back up in here
Right! Shyt.. she bedda not come back up in here without sumpin! or else we gon’ have a riot…
*looks down at bowl of trail mix*
*shrugs and leaves it on the coffee table*
Please tell me what’s great about Wing Stop. We got one here in Brooklyn last year. I tried it….and it’ll never stand up to Cluck-U-Chicken in Maryland. Even though we don’t have anything like it NY…just tell me what’s so great about it down south.
Nothing at all. You’ll get better Wings at Little Caesar’s…or home in my case.
*shrug*
Nah…the Little Cesars here by my job got them wings bathing in grease and they taste slimy as hell.
Do I get an open invite for Tes homestyle wings?
You as well as your woman are more than welcome to the Lone Star for some chicken
Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
Actually, I’ve never been to Wing Stop so I want to try them. My guy said they were awesome. Buffalo Wild Wings anyone? I like their wings.
We got that here too in BK but I’ve never tried it…I’ll do it this weekend.
And I’m back ^_^
Whenever I hear people (not just men) say “I’ve gotta do what I gotta do” it always seems like a struggle instead of an affirmation that they are doing what they must for the good of themselves and those around them.
I think it’s mathematical; if I want to do Z, I have to do X+Y to get there, but some people make it harder on themselves by having too many variables, and exponents and things that are hindering them from solving their own equations. And some people don’t have any equations at all, just goals with no clue how to get there.
Personally, my Z is to be a teacher. X (certification) and Y (experience) are going to come with time and money for school which I’m in the process of getting now. After I accomplish my first X+Y = Z, the next Z is going to be opening my own home-schooling business, but I’m not making it hard on myself by combining all parts of both equations and trying to rush for the benefit of other people who ask “Well, what do you do? What do you want to do?” and that’s where I think people who say “Doing what I gotta do” as a struggle trip up.
…see that was a ramble. I’mma leave it there.
HOMESCHOOLING! =D!!!
tes you are so awesome! [*adds info to my 'future contacts/business go tos' little black book*]
Well thank you! ^_^
I haven’t worked out all the kinks yet, but I think it’s a great alternative for those who want a private school education for their kid, without such exorbitant prices.
grand idea!!!! Much luck to you.
Thanks! ^__^
you are right on point about the equation. if you go the length, you’ll run the alphabet but you cant skip a letter or it will catch up with you. the challenge is patience, commitment, and facing down every last fear cause the unknown calls up all kindsa ghosts ..
Somehow I knew you’d understand perfectly, Ms. Esa
the unknown calls up all kindsa ghosts……..Man, you said a mouthful with that. But if you look those ghosts in the face, they shrink right before your eyes. Your fear was bigger than they were. Shoo!
Yeah…
See……the whole “android/cyborg/Tes is a gotdamn robot” theory has now been officially established because of that up there^
But I like your idea and I hope you get it going, because you seem to have a big heart and even bigger mind, which kids need these days.
How does that validate the android theory at all?
I recently decided to go back to school after a few years off because now I know what I want to do, and that idea is truly what I want to do and where I think I’d be of most use in the world.
Thanks for the well wishes and luck. I think I’m gonna need it o.o
Because you used statistics to describe the topic and I find that to be awesomely cute and robotic.
I recently graduated in June, and just got my BA last week. I had been in and out of school since 03 because of my health. So trust me, I get how it is. But you’ll be happy with the results when it’s all done. Just have some faith, trust me, there are people in their 60s in a college night class, you aren’t alone.
Funny…was just thinking about how my desire for instant gratification and lack of patience has gotten me into some predicaments I could have avoided had I “manned up” and not gotten desperate, aka done what I was supposed to do (based on my own moral standards). As long as we value instant over delayed gratification, people (not just men) will continue to use that line.
Great post.
I came here to say this, you beat me to it.
I also have an issue with being patient. With that said, I like that Drake line “I’m the type to pray and then go get what I just prayed for.” (I’m sure there are much better quotes but all I have right now.) It’s hard to find the line between being a risk taker and a fool.
I’m patient with a lot of things but I do recognize that I lack patience with respect to certain things and those are the areas where I eff up the most. I need to take a chill pill!
Some of things in my life I feel I’ve experienced to enhance my need to deal with my lack of patience. Like my job for instance. I don’t like people, I don’t like waiting on people, and I don’t like to deal with people’s problems, and yet I have to do all 3 for this job. I’m guessing by getting better at this stuff, it prepares me for something else down the road.
We don’t like what’s there, but then you don’t realize why you needed it until later.
Sooo true.
” I don’t like people, I don’t like waiting on people, and I don’t like to deal with people’s problems, and yet I have to do all 3 for this job.”
LOL. You’re hilarious. I officially like you now.
Yesssss! *pumps fist in the air*
I know you think I’m joking but I’m dead ass serious, I cannot stand doing those things, but a black dude has to keep a job!
I got no patience…and I hate waitin. Yes I need to work on this but like Ricky Bobby I wanna go fast.
I thought you were gonna say “Ho get yo ass in and let’s ri-ri-ri-iiiiiide”.
But maybe that’s just me.
truth is good. it should be expressed more often. its easier to settle in with someone who tells the truth, it feels close. and warm. like the best kind of hug. mmmm. chocolate.
“doing what is supposed to be done may take a little longer or involve more steps but the reward is worth it.”
the kind of person i am, i naturally choose what will be hardest and most difficult and most challenging. i figure truly making it in life you need the lessons and wisdom of going through a struggle and being battle tested. fundamentals are lost when you cut corners and it shows very obviously when youre put in a position where all you have to draw from are fundamentals and the know you can and will get through what is seemingly impossible.
i have more trust in a mans foundation when he goes through all the motions and he goes through a process where he strengthens every nook and every ounce of who he is, and he does all this because hes supposed to and it is whats best for him in terms of succeeding in life. he has the person within himself to succeed. and thats a man i would trust my life and our future to.
“so, man up, take care of business like youre supposed to, and reap all the benefits that you will gain as you travel down the road to becoming a better man.”
i wish i could use this as a pep talk for the man who chooses me as his woman. i think its very easy to want a woman but i think being with me specifically will be an eternal uphill battle for any man. and that makes me sad. its not like i want the cliche american dream or a life a million people will live and countless more will forget. i think life is precious and if it can be thought it can be done. you will struggle, you will get knocked down, you will face what is actually impossible to do, what nobody wants you to do, but the rewards? the prosperity. the love. the care. the world at your feet because you took an angel for a companion. [*sighs*] i wish men could see the world like i do. and choose to face it.
[*feels a little warmer in my fantasy world*] this was a good post. men who are manly.
I’m glad I could make you feel a little warmer.
You’re not as complicated as you think you are. You just need to get out of your own head and just let things flow. And when you find a decent dude, he’ll prove you don’t need hands-on control with your connection, you just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.
“Greatness is a lot of small things done well.†— Ray Lewis
Delayed gratification, setting long term goals, giving yourself deadlines, and calming the madness of routine is what is necessary if you want people to do better in whatever they’re working towards. Change your frame of thinking from hustles to crafts.
Great quote. Amazing how the words of one who brings so much pain can be so inspiring.
Ray Lewis: the voice of experience.
You stole my comment!!!
We’re on #TeamSass hon lol
I know.. he stole it from my brain.
Pause.
There are so many wrong things I can do with this comment, but I’ll play nice with you this week.
I agree with Malik.
*eats croutons*
good post. sometimes we get caught up in the flashy, in the materialistic, in the overly ambitious, when it’s better to be steady, plan your work, and work your plan.
Who eats just croutons? Gross! “Things men eat when they don’t have a woman in the house” rotflmao
<== ill be dat #Redman
@IP,
I do. straight out of the box….
They’re just like crackers, LOL
croutons are the bizness! i could smash a box of em’…i think that’s gonna be lunch today…
Aren’t croutons stale bread?
lol! thats such a random thing to snack on. [*playfully eats a few as you go to put them in your mouth*]
“…when its better to be steady, plan your work, and work your plan.”
i look forward to this. it would be nice to bring the skeleton of a plan to a man and really go in depth filling it out and breathing life into it. im pretty sure the good ones do this and thats how they manage to stay on course in life. something concrete to ground yourself in.
i’m intentionally random.
or randomly intentional.
Gangram Style.
I love love LOVE croutons!
You only said that because you know Obito is a f-king G for waiting that many years to create one war.
plan that work, and work that plan!
*kills off hokages and the ‘mind’*
All I want is his jijitsu to transport to other dimensions…that’s all I want for Christmas
Sorry baby but I gotta do what I gotta….you’re on a mission…do what I gotta…this is a mission, not a small time thing…
Without galloping off on a related tangent, this speaks volumes (imo) about the perspective/mentality that we’ve (generally speaking) both come to expect and embrace – and not just the mentality of one who obstinately refuses to carefully consider the future consequences of his present choice(s), but also the culture that enabled said individual to arrive at THAT particular juncture in the first place.
“Do what I gotta” should not necessarily reference tracking down an adversary and flying his marrow. It should not necessarily reference road tripping to purchase a few pounds of kush (note the pattern?). It should reference foregoing trips to gallivant with your peers so that money can be saved in order to finance your education, study for your exam, or spend time with wifey.
How did we get *here* though, where swag is seemingly more important that scholarship? And how can one enable a diaspora wide paradigm shift?
Full time we examine, critique, redefine…what exactly does it mean to be a black male – a black man – in America in 2012?
good question. as the the cultural shifts from the 60s continue, i guess for many black males we are kinda finding our way on this answer. some males see being a black man as the exact same thing as black women, without the biological differences, some take it back traditional/oldschool, and in this day and age, there ‘apparently’ is no wrong answer (because everyone is beautiful).
but i guess for me, it’s about what i see my role as, and how i can uphold that role. but, like i said, that’s me. other males may see differently.
thats a concern of mine. at what point did the substance of your life supercede the fun youre having and where did you take yourself in life because of it.
Sorry baby but I gotta do what I gotta….you’re on a mission…do what I gotta…this is a mission, not a small time thing…
Shout out to Special Ed…think about it.
Real talk, this isn’t just for Black Men. It’s America’s problem.
America has us obsessed with being rich and famous, but especially for poor Black & Latinos, our problems stem from being degraded every single day from all directions. So then our inspiration is condensed to each other and what we find cool. That initally comes from tv & movies, then we internalize and make it the only way to be a star. Think about all the pimps from the 70s. Back then they said the proof of success was a Cadillac. So all the pimps had Caddies, so guess who the kids idolized? Aint nothing new today, it’s always been there, but we keep falling for the okie doke because we always do self destruct instead of unite.
“these “back against the wall situations†could have been prevented 9 times out of 10″ I need to needlepoint that onto a pillow for my brother. I love him dearly, but every time he tells me his trials and tribulations, I have to bite my tongue. Pretty much all of his problems could have been easily prevented with a little common sense.
Problem is, the term “do what I gotta do” is not limited to an excuse, nor is it mostly used as a way to “remove accountability.” In most cases, the term is used as a sign of acknowledgement. The male (because, you know, only us menfolk use this term, apparently) usually says this when he has to do something the just doesn’t want to do. Like say, working 3 jobs to pay for college, get up and go to a job he hates in order to pay bills, drive a dreadful 3 hours to go visit his girlfriend in a hospital. I know, shocking. A man “doing what he has to do” for noble causes is practically unheard of. That phrase is primarily used as a way to justify the f*cksh!t I’m about to do, to clean up a mess that, 90% of the time, is completely avoidable if I just did what I was supposed to do.
Because as we all know, things will always happen exactly as you plan them as long as you did what you were supposed to do. Unforeseen circumstances be d*mned, right? Glad to know.
Release me.
Wait. So you don’t like being handcuffed to the bed? My bad. *gets handcuff key to release TUK*
Oh, don’t I know this all too well. I could go so many ways with this, but I’ll wait for people to try to blow this up. (Well, until Noon that is. Then a brother has to make a run for the rest of the day.
)
This post reminds me of Lupe Fiasco’s “B!tch Bad” song. Novel intention, but poor execution. What I got from this post was this:
1. Men alone, use the concept of “Doing what I gotta do”.
2. The phrase is used in situations that could’ve been avoided 90% of the time. (Seriously?)
3. If a man is “doing what he gotta do” (DWIGD), it MUST be because he was too lazy, impatient, greedy, etc to just simply do what he was “supposed” to do. That he automatically couldn’t measure up to the standards of mandom and tries to hide his inadequacies under the guise of “DWIGD”. Zeus forbid he WAS doing what he supposed to do and got sidetracked due to an unforeseen circumstance. That’s just too implausible, right?
4. That simply doing what you were “supposed” is all that is necessary to prevent DWIGD.
Basically, this post COMPLETELY ignores key environmental, societal, and personal variables that could come into play and derail a person’s plan despite the fact he was doing what he was “supposed” to do.
Word?
you expect a whole lot out of a blog post don’t you? while i appreciate nuance as much as the next guy, let’s not pretend like it’s COMPLETELY out of bounds as a general sentiment. we all know folks who fall right into exactly what’s being talked about here.
plus, while it does ignore that women also do this, must it HAVE to talk about women? i’m all for equality and sh*t but sometimes you do just talk to one group. you like to always mention that sh*t aint one sided. nowhere did i read he say that this was a male-only concept. i respect your passion for equity. parity and all that. NFL. but every post doesnt have to level the playing field on either side of the coin.
I was just about to say something similar, PJ. I too had a problem with the implication that only men use this excuse, but I saw beyond that and took the overall message. Sure, things don’t always work out as you plan, and doing what you should do doesn’t always guarantee desired results, but a lot of people aren’t doing what they are supposed to do or what they should do in the first place. Sadly, these are the people who, most of the time, use that line.
you expect a whole lot out of a blog post don’t you?
Being on a blog isn’t an excuse for anything. If you say something on a public forum, of ANY type, subject yourself to the possibility of being ridiculed.
let’s not pretend like it’s COMPLETELY out of bounds as a general sentiment.
It is, though. The notion that all your future hardships, or rather, finding yourself in situations where you must “DWIGD” can be completely avoided by simply doing what you’re “supposed” to do, is ridiculous. As I said, it ignores other key variables.
must it HAVE to talk about women?
Nope. But he could have just as easily wrote something similar to “People have a knack for doing this, but I want to address the men for a moment….” Bam. Simple. You acknowledged both that this is a trait shared by everyone, and that you were targeting a specific demographic. The VSS here do it all. the. time. whenever a generalization attributed to women is made. They will QUICKLY point out that men “do it to”.
being on a blog isn’t an excuse for anything, but that also goes both ways. while it shouldn’t be an excuse to be so myopic that you only view things one way as a writer, it shouldn’t be a place to come with your personal agenda as a reader either. and dont get me f*cked up, this isn’t a personal attack. my point is just that like usual, using generalities and making a personal observation publicly leaves one open to interpretation, but at the same time, i do think that taking issue b/c somebody stayed at the top with something as opposed to addressing every nuance involved – which i think we both can agree is impossible – is a bit counterproductive.
i can understand feeling like it doesn’t take into account people’s circumstances. that’s fair. but hell, we go in on folks all day long her for saying what could be implied as stupid sh*t without knowing full circumstances. my point is, you’re complaining about him not stating upfront that its a generalization?? LOL.
#cmonson
you sound like the ladies you’re always complaining about.
you’re complaining about him not stating upfront that its a generalization??
My issue is that the generalization, in question, is oversimplified to the point of being outright false and misleading.
Doing what you’re “supposed” to do NEVER, EVER guarantees that you won’t be put into a situation in which you have to “DWIGD”. And that if you are in a situation where you have to “DWIGD”, then is MUST be, at least 90% of the time, because you did something stupid. That’s my issue.
I see what you’re getting at PJ. I think the problem is that, with anything written, people are going to use this as an excuse to air out agendas they already have, irrespective of whether they fit the situation or not. This isn’t to say they shouldn’t be said as much as a warning to make sure not to take some of the more harsh opinions expressed to heart.
“we all know folks who fall right into exactly what’s being talked about here.”
Who hasn’t gone through one of these phases? Is one person “doing what they’re supposed to do” because when the condom broke, his girl didn’t get pregnant while his boy’s girl did? I can probably name 100 different scenarios like this. My boy just quit his 9-5 to start his own business. If that business effs up, then dude’s gonna have some major problems on his head. Does that mean he should just take the safe route (what he’s supposed to do) and keep working a 9-5 that he hates til he’s 65?
Life’s about taking chances and sometime you risk it all and roll snake-eyes. But the whole thing about doing what you gotta do is realizing that you’ve rolled snake-eyes, paying up and walking away with your head held high.
while i agree that there’s no one size fits all, even from my own reading it came off to me about when we tend to shirk accountability. not when we’re following dreams.
perhaps i’m being narrow in my reading.
but in the condom example, you’re still taking a chance then anyway and if you knock her up well that’s something you’ll think about after. yeah, you probably shouldn’t have tapped that hood rat. but you did. now you got a seed. maybe “supposed” to do implies making better decisions in some cases.
“even from my own reading it came off to me about when we tend to shirk accountability. not when we’re following dreams.”
Maybe that’s what it is. Cause it came to me as a knock at going non-traditional routes. So the condom broke and I had the baby, me “doing what I gotta do” is taking care of the baby even if I wasn’t “supposed” to have a baby. That would change things in my life dramatically and me doing what I gotta do would be accepting those changes.
I feel like he stroked with a broad brush and grouping the people who are taking jobs waiting tables to pay their bills with the drug dealers on the corner who’s looking for an easy way out.
So…..basically
1. Its not my fault.
2. Women do it, too.
…..but when they do it, its their fault.
“So…..basically
1. Its not my fault.
2. Women do it, too.
…..but when they do it, its their fault.”
I would love for you to explain how you came to these laughable conclusions. Especially that last little tidbit.
But please start with #1 & 2. The pot calling the kettle and all…
Who’s fault are your problems?
Mine, for the most part. Because as a human, in this society, on this planet, there’s only so much I can control. The decisions I make, and the subsequent results, are my doing. It is my fault. Thing is, the only actions I have any say so in, are ones done/influenced by me. I have very little say in what goes on around me.
Take dropping out of school, for example (hypothetical coming up). I was doing what I was “supposed” to do. Good grades, not partying too much etc. But I find out mommy has cancer, yet lacks the funds for surgery/chemo. I have them. So I “DWIGD” to save mommy, and drop out. The way I see it, education will always be around, my mommy won’t. How is my mom suddenly becoming ill, forcing me to “DWIGD”, my fault? How is it hers? It’s no one’s fault. Somethings just happen and you have to “DWIGD” to adjust and overcome. The fact that “DWIGD” is primarily seen as an excuse in such an excruciatingly high degree (90%), and not a reaction to the incalculable, is what annoyed me more than anything.
I think I get what you’re saying. I dig the post and I understand where it is coming from. But a part of it made me feel like someone was telling folks to pull up their bootstraps. And success in a world that is more hostile than not not only takes self-relieance but (this is the part folks often miss) a whole lot of luck. Lucky nothing goes
wrong, no one gets sick, you dont die or get killed.
I’ve worked hard. I’ve had some success. My mother worked hard to give me a shot. But considering her story and the dangers I’ve faces since, the womb, I’m a lucky dude.
Those who have made it despite their circumstances are exceptions to the rule. not the norm.
I am not a fan of bootstrap theories. Sometimes folks don’t have boots.
i actually don’t think she’s wrong here folks.
for one, you do take issue with the fact that he didn’t say, “this is a general problem but i’m talking to the men here…” that takes care of point 2. well at least it did until i saw the “…except when they do it, it’s their fault”. y’all just got personal beef. lol.
in regards to point 1, by pointing out that he didn’t address any of the myriad variables that come into play, its almost like saying that the “how” i got to this point explains the “why” i do what i do. which, if you can blame slavery for something (not saying that you are) is it really your fault if you didnt create the slavery that existed? for the record, i do agree with you that everything has nuance. i generalize to get to larger points and then let everybody else argue the minutae. i get it.
but the details and variables are the quickest way to go from death sentence to life in prison without teh possibilty of parole. it STILL doesn’t negate what the person did wrong though it creates empathy. however, at some point, the person did pull the trigger. that was a choice.
i think im losing my point. lol.
point is, arguing the variables that got you somewhere does indeed sound like, “well its not my fault”. its justification for actions. not that they dont play a part, but it does remove the fault part and just leaves the crime.
“yeah i shot that n*gga…but it wasnt my fault.”
That wasn’t a leap to conclusions. That was “I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! I think about it every night and day! Spread my wings and fly away! I believe I can soar! I see me running through that open door! I believe I can fly!”
It must be fun to jump like that. ROTFLMAO
I never once said that this type of thinking was only limited to men, yeah I could have put a disclaimer at the beginning but I chose not to. This is just my opinion and since being a man is the only thing I know, I’m going to comment on it. Trust me I have my opinion’s about what I think women need to do to better themselves but this is a topic that has been naggina at me for a while and therefore I chose to speak on it. I respect your stance and your comments but please believe I am not some Tyler Perry (who secretly hates on men). This is just a little bit of advice that would help not only men but everybody but I’m chosing to look in the mirror first.
“This is just my opinion and since being a man is the only thing I know, I’m going to comment on it.”
Exactly how I saw it.
How did you totally blow the whole post out of proportion? Like everything you said wasn’t even warranted for the topic, because you took it in a totally different direction than what Breazy intended.
Read above. I had an issue not with the messege, but it’s presentation. I blew nothing out of proportion. I didn’t call names, attack anyone, etc. I pointed out things I I took from the post. Some of which, weren’t that big a deal (like the fact that he didn’t call out women), which is why I left it alone.
And I’ve explained, several times what my problem was with the post. While I co-sign the point he was trying to make, he also oversimplified it way too much.
I kinda don’t like making statements like this because I’m guilty of it myself (lol, even in this post) but a little bit of success, status, education, etc. does not mean that you know enough to tell anyone else how to act, what to do, or what’s best for them. You can’t say you wouldn’t make the same choices given the same history, situation, etc. So, how about we lay off the ‘personal responsibility’ boiler plate and get on with helping people get out of the situations they’re in for whatever reason?
Teach a man how to fish…
and that ninja will fry the f*** out of them forever!
yes. Teach a man how to fish and that man will open a fish fry stand on the corner.
Is it catfish though with some hushpuppies and southern sweat tea? Yummy!
Sweat tea or sweet tea? o_0
LOL. *sweet tea*
That stand on the corner employs my people. Keep on fishing, guys.
And sell hot dogs & Farrakhan DVDs with incense burning on the side.
Are you really helping someone if you don’t encourage them to take responsibility for their actions? Helping someone out of a problem is great…up until they find themselves enmeshed in a new, equally preventable problem. All because they refused to acknowledge and accept the fact that they had a problem in the first place.
People need to kill and destroy this thing in them that causes them to rebel against accountability and personal responsibility.
This comment for NomadaNare.
Agree 100%. Unless someone actually understands what needs to be done to prevent the same thing from happening again… you ain’t helped them a bit.
Don’t I know that from experience. *smh*
A bailout without a lesson in responsibility is a recipe for disaster. See Wall Street.
Here’s the thing: everyone wants to stress personal accountability for everyone but themselves. Many can easily say that they practice what they preach, but no one’s taking account for white supremacy, poverty, teaching self hate, etc. etc. It’s umpteen times harder for a brother to get a decent job then anyone else and you expect him to fight against those odds when no one else has to? Again I say, it’s much easier said then done, most of you are leading me to believe you haven’t had tough times caused by things beyond your control. As for Wall Street, there’s a lot of different things going on there. To compare a gaggle of spoiled, entitled, sociopathic white men that leveled the world economy to brothers ‘needing to take responsibility’ is ridiculous.
most of you are leading me to believe you haven’t had tough times caused by things beyond your control.
This was EXACTLY my problem with the post. I have no problem with taking resposibility for my actions. But don’t make it seem like I have complete control over everything that occurs around me, and that if find myself in a f*cked up situation, it MUST be because of laziness, impatience, etc. Especially as a black man in THIS country.
I understand thigs happen that are beyond sometimes, but even with that train of thought one should alway be prepared if things don’t according to plan. Now if you fail to plan for if/when shen s*it falls down than that is on you and you may just find yourself with your back against the wall.
The difference between a guy who robs millions on Wall Street and the guy who robs a 7-11 for the register cash is only one of scale. The same entitled, reckless mentality is at work. Just takes more panache and education to pull off the former.
I know all of those factors you mentioned are real. That said, everyone has some sort of cross to bear. Adulthood means facing your demons and doing your best to try and slay them or at least incapacitate them.
It seems that you guys are unaware of the mechanisms in place for pulling off track young black boys that eventually become black men that ‘need to take responsibility’. If you admit that there are things beyond our individual control, than we as a group must now examine those things and figure out how to effectively combat them. It’s easy to condemn the teenager selling drugs, but go ahead and look at the circumstances in which this kid resides. I was the kid that grew up in bad circumstances, but I was able to make better decisions because of some critical things that my parents did from the beginning of my education.
This is what I mean when I say everyone wants to talk about personal responsibility except for when it comes to themselves. It is our responsibility to put our kids and peers in a position where they can make better decisions because they can’t be expected to do it by themselves, not because they don’t have the capacity, but because given the same circumstances, none of us could probably do it on our own. Most of us had help and everyone’s not as lucky as we were. For the ones that are grown, you must empathize with their positions; really put yourselves in their shoes and review their circumstances and then reassess what choices you think you would make. I know these people, personally and a lot of them, so maybe it’s easier for me to see them as people with real circumstances and things that they must overcome. What you’re doing now is effectively victim blaming. I understand that you may not be aware of the pervasiveness of the challenges that we face. But you need to educate yourself about the mechanisms that lead to where many of our peers and relatives are today. They are being studied, they are concrete, and they are real.
As for this ridiculous idea that armed robbery is a smaller scale of wall street greed, you need to reexamine that idea. Most people don’t put themselves in physical danger because they want the newest iphone or mercedes. That is survival. If you don’t believe that, then it’s obvious you don’t know many petty criminals. There are always the young stupid ones that think it’s glamorous and that they’re getting over, but they don’t last long. This is in addition to the societal perceptions of both activities and the damage that one has already done versus the other. It would take every black petty criminal in the country robbing 7/11′s every second for at least a hundred years to approach the amount of money the nation lost at the hands of greedy white men, and not for the sake of survival, but so that they could buy another house in the Hamptons. Go ahead and try to compare those two things again and see how far you get.
Nicely done.
There’s a difference between the mistakes you made because you don’t know any better, the mistakes you’ve made because you were never in control of the situation, and the mistakes you make because your head is up your ass.
I sincerely believe this post created by Breazy was about the third option, that’s it. I don’t see this as an issue about circumstances beyond our control or issues that occur that you never knew existed. It’s the stuff you full and well knew needed your attention, you denied the attention, time passed, mistakes are made, you promise to rectify but continue the same path of ignorance, until you lose your chance to make it right. THAT IS THE ISSUE.
Every person in here as heard “do what I gotta do” EXACTLY how Breazy said it from someone else’s lips who was totally full of shyte, so that’s all we should be concerned about.
Well you and I disagree on the meaning on the post. While I read the statement and have known people to use that phrase as an excuse for doing stupid/immoral things, I also managed to read the examples that Breazy posted as well (which you seem to have missed) and while in many cases it’s easy to see that different choices are better to make, we are viewing these events from the perspective of those that have the privilege of jeering from the sidelines. I’m not saying they didn’t ‘know better’ or have control of the situation. I’m saying if you wanna judge people for their decisions, how about we write a blog about the people whose personal decisions actually affect how millions live their lives. There’s a reason we all know exactly the type of behavior Breazy is talking about that is because the behavior is rampant, either in our personal encounters or our collective culture. Could it be because the things that lead to this behavior are systematically applied? My answer is definitely, yours may be different, but how is it so hard to see that the circumstances beyond our control fundamentally effect not only the the set of choices that we have, but also the decisions we make within that subset of choices?
Well let me clarify. I’m totally understand of being a victim of circumstance. To grow up in a poor neighborhood, with unsuccesful parents or lack of, unfit schools with unqualified teachers, and the burden of intolerant police who aggressively take their frustrations out on the youth, these issues alone are enough to drown any soul in a sea of despair for many years, to the point where they will NEVER find land. And we’ve all seen the people who have ended up that way. However, there were still choices to be made during all those issues. Some might not have been noticeable when you’ve never been pointed in the right direction. Yet still, even a crackhead knows when they are making a bad decision. So we can’t pretend like there’s honestly no way for a person to figure a way through the mess. It will not be easy, and it will definitely take everything they have to stay afloat, but if you are able to see that some of your decisions will cost you more than you have, but you choose to keep making the wrong choice, YOU ARE NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING FROM THAT POINT ON. And every human being comes to a crossroads like that in life.
Now we might all differ on what happens next, but we can be in agreement that no matter what, a change must come.
I agree there are specific instances in which people have smidgens of choices that may change their circumstances somewhat, but I disagree that if those chances aren’t taken that the person is “responsible” for everything that happens. There is some responsibility there, but I wouldn’t say the person is completely responsible for their crappy lives. Saying that the person is completely responsible for their current predicament is like saying that an arson victim is responsible for not putting out the fire that destroys their house. I mean if they had put it out they’d wouldn’t be homeless right? They’d just have a half destroyed house to live in, so it’s all good? We’re just going to have to agree to disagree. I agree that there are situations where some people do need to take responsibility for themselves, their actions, etc. but the examples that you and the author of this post provide are not situations in which “taking responsibility” will fix the problem. Also you guys grossly underestimate the magnitude of the forces working against us as a people. Only together will we overcome them, and condemning your brothers over some ridiculous randomly invented notion of responsibility doesn’t help anyone.
Give us, us free! (from moderation)
Loved the post Breezy Hale!
Reminds me of something a teacher use to always tell us a school ‘If you fail to plan then you plan to fail!’… Very true indeed. Most of these peeps have just been strolling though life with no plans, aims or ambitions and when it comes to that realisation point they blame society and environment for their short comings… Na! You just didnt take your life in your hands!
I think the ultimate issue is the poverty and instability in the Black community. Of course, it isn’t a complete hindrance because people make it out all of the time. However, that poverty mindset creates a sense of desperation. In turn, people go for the best result RIGHT NOW because the idea of making it to tomorrow or a year out is such a scary concept. Of course, most people make it to see tomorrow, but when your very survival is threatened on a daily basis, it’s a hard thing to believe.
Also, there’s the fact that many people do have plans, but believe the first setback they get is the end forever, period. If you believe that tomorrow isn’t promised to you, it’s easy to see that mistake or delay or hassle setting you back permanently. It takes a strong sense of self and of responsibility to see a plan through.
I’ve been thinking about this because fate has thrown a lot of different plans in my lap that could either compliment each other or have one blow up to something special. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the work that needs to get done, and also have this feel (borne out of recent experience) that they’re all going to just blow up in my face. Sometimes you have to just work through the fears and get stuff done the best you know how. Success isn’t perfection. Any success worthwhile never is.
Lastly, there’s there’s the fact that I grew up with my father around. The older I get, the more I realize what an asset it was to see someone trudge in from the night shift every day, sit down for breakfast, tell us about his day, then wake himself up to pick us up from school every day. That seeing someone having to do what’s best for the family takes a lot of effort and sacrifice. That it takes a lot of determination to see through a long term plan.
This isn’t an excuse to completely deny yourself a smile or two. Repression can be just as damaging as not having a plan. But you do have to if what you do helps you towards your long-term plans. Sometimes, that could even mean rest. But it does mean you have to DO something.
Go daddy!!!!!!!!!!!! Much respect to yours, and all the others that make MAJOR sacrifices to ensure the comfort of their families. There is nothing as TOUCHING and endearing for me to see a man do what he gots to do for HIS FAMILY. YO! It should NEVER be taken for granted. Such a blessing.
Lovely comment esp. the part about your dad!! Daddy’s ROCK!!! Although the mention of your dad and what he did was not really the point of your post, it sooooooooooooo made my day.
you say exactly what is in my heart ~*~
” In turn, people go for the best result RIGHT NOW because the idea of making it to tomorrow or a year out is such a scary concept. Of course, most people make it to see tomorrow, but when your very survival is threatened on a daily basis, it’s a hard thing to believe.”
YES! But we tend to take it to extremes sometimes. Live as though every day is your last, no doubt about it, but don’t act completely reckless. I’m all about the day-to-day hussle and struggle but I’ve noticed that a lot of times people don’t do what they should do and it has nothing to do with a fear that they won’t see tomorrow. It becomes less about survival and more about instant rewards.
In my experience, it’s all about fear once you cut down the bluster. After all, people seeking instant rewards tend not to think they’ll see one on any other time frame.
Hence why YOLO is the Dumbest Abbrebiation for “You Only Live Once”, the Most Ridiculous Saying and Quote Ever in the History of Mankind
It really is.
Oh, and here’s a blog about a study on how poverty renders blind to the future:
http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2012/11/attention-scarcity-ego-depletion-and-poverty.html
Wrong choices are easy to make and available in abundance. Doing the right thing is always hard but in the end it’s worth the sweat, tears and effort.
Errrmmmmm… The Guy Formerly Know As Hmmmm: please email me endorphinepower@gmail.com…thanks!
*sips Gatorade*
Trissy: you avi needs more lip gloss…LOLOLOL!
no they’re well moisturized…a credit to staying well hydrated *sips more Gatorade* lol
Email coming homie. by 12.30.
YIPPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*crip walks*
Perhaps I’m bored and wanna play devils advocate but who determines what “supposed” is. Go to school, get a career, settle down make babies is what we consider the standard.but if one goes to school slips one by the goalie and now works retail to support his family is it because he was living foul?
“Supposed to do” is doing what will prevent you from later on feeling backed against a wall and saying “what you gotta do.”
Common sense 1, Devil 0.
Everyone is backed against the wall at some point, madame sense, whether it’s career or love or even finding something to eat, to say doing everything by the book and nothing can go wrong sounds silly.
Those people who are backed up against a wall due to something 100% out of their control…yeah it happens.
But there are PLENTY of people who are backed up against the wall entirely of their own doing. Due to lack of sense and being irresponsible.
Obviously, the plight of the weedman is much different than the one of the janitor, im just saying doing what you’re supposed to do doesn’t always work either…rewind to the prayer post from the other day
I’m not a fan of prayer being an Athiest.
The problem is, the author of this post makes it seem like people (or men, rather) ONLY (at least 90%, that is) find themselves in situations where they have to DWIGD due to irresponsibility.
And that simply doing everything “by the book” as Tristan says, will easily remedy/prevent all of this. Which is an asinine concept.
The author is a man and speaks from a man’s experience. I mentioned downthread the core lesson is applicable to anyone… but Black men are suffering here. In part due to racism and social issues but also a large part due to habitual lack of sense. Poverty exists all over the world. My dad is Ethiopian… poorest nation in the world. He was tortured, beaten, and had a bounty on his head. He pulled himself out of that situation and now owns a million dollar home in the suburbs and sent both his daughters to college. The obstacles American poor face PALE in comparison to what poor in Africa face.
Poverty should be tackled by everyone. But your own life and your own choices… that is up to you.
Many people in the world would DIE for free education. But I see a bunch of Lil’Wayne wannabes around my hood skipping PUBLIC AND FREE school to do god-knows-what.
Hold the phakkkkkk up, SS, you are ETHIO?!?! LAWD hammercy!
Your daddy’s story is heartwarming. LOVE it.!!
Hold up one moment. You’re asking ordinary people to be the equal of someone who was willing to pack up and leave their country for a strange place thousands of miles away, right?
OK Player.
My grandparents on my dad’s side left some rough circumstances in their homeland. However, you need to realize that someone who is willing to just leave everything they know is a very unique individual, among an elite of sorts. Asking mere mortals to have that level of extraordinary determination is mean-spirited and cruel. There’s a difference between having standards and asking too much. Just because your father managed to overcome some traumatic circumstances should mean the human race should be made of Supermen from Kal-El. That is beyond ridiculous.
This isn’t an excuse for mediocrity, but it is a call recognize different levels of success, especially given the resources people have.
To me, my dad is normal. A normal dude who did what he had to do to survive under terrible conditions out of his control. He has never had to deal with problems of his own creation… that is a luxury of first worlders.
Your father is an outlier, and sounds like a very driven person. The majority of poor Ethiopians are still in Ethiopia. This is why I have a problem with immigrants coming here, bad mouthing our situation while back home it’s just as bad, if not worse. I’m saying that as a first generation American myself.
I’m pretty sure anyone would skip town if they knew people were out to
killget them. Thats one hell of a motivational kick.Those are extraordinary circumstances which provoked an extraordinary reaction to undertake extraordinary risks to ensure survival and beyond.
More power to the man for his life achievements, but as Todd stated, it is not the best example to cite for this discussion.
We live in a country full of ordinary people who did that. You forgot.
speaking of your lovely country, guess where I’m going in about ten days…….
And I’m gonna stuff my luggage with as much Tej and coffee I can smuggle out of there. I’ll stuff myself with injera and try that cool shoulder dance, see the historical sites, smile at the pretty people and maybe get a kiss or two.
YAY!! Go Cougar!!!
Safe travels, and get you an Ethio honey while out thurr!!
Hallelujah on the coffee.
I am excited for you! Yes, I love Tej. That stuff is soooo good.
“My dad is Ethiopian… poorest nation in the world. He was tortured, beaten, and had a bounty on his head. He pulled himself out of that situation and now owns a million dollar home in the suburbs and sent both his daughters to college. The obstacles American poor face PALE in comparison to what poor in Africa face.”
This explains why you go so hard, homie. Your dad is like straight from the line of Solomon and sh!th homie! He sounds like an incredible (HULK) man. If the brother lives in a cold state his balls plow streets when it snows and saves the city money.
But your father’s story is not normal. Just going by what you shared, I’m like “O.G. should not be here.” To you it is normal (Because you see it live right there with you plowing the streets and what not) but even to the Ethiopian trying do what he is doing now he is an exception….and inspiration for doing despite their feelings of hopelessness.
I’m not saying anyone has to follow a make believe book but you have 2 choices in life, either do right or do wrong either way it’s on you. I’m not saying what it right or what is wrong but if you chose to do dirt, you get dirt. The right thing may not be going to school or getting married for some rather trying even if it kills you to do something where you may not have to compromise yourself.
In my experience, it’s rarely a situation where it’s 100% chance or 100% someone screwing up. There’s usually some mix of both in there. There are also situations that aren’t purely chance, but are also a product of making decisions on information you couldn’t have reasonably (and that’s the keyword here) known.
I’m suspicious of anyone who says it’s 100% change or 100% screwing up because they are usually dead wrong. The chance crowd is wrong because they abdicate all responsibility, while the screw up crowd is pretending that they have 100% of a situation, ignoring the favorable breaks that they’ve somehow gotten.
Tristan you brought up a good point, which is why I mentioned in my reply that doing what I’m supposed to do is adhering to a set of my own moral standards. I see that everyone differs so I can’t reply define what others should do.
*really
I’m kinda with you on this. We like to celebrate those who went the nontraditional routes to success and all, but when we see somebody who took a nontraditional route and hasn’t quite reached success, we generally scorn them for the route taken….”well you shouldna quit school” “why don’t you go get a degree” “that’s what you get for not marrying that trick”, etc.
Truth is nobody has a roadmap to life and the directions to success. And many act like they’re not in their own “do what you gotta do” situations. What’s that student debt done to your credit and is that why you’re at a job you hate instead of pursuing your passion?
I mean, I get the feeling that people trying to draw a line in the sand like “I got it bad, but at least I’m not on THAT level”. And that just causes division. I don’t like looking down on anybody and hopefully nobody’s looking down on me. But if so, so be it. I do what I’ve got to do. Yeah, a lot of times its also what I want to do and may not fall in line with what my school counselor advised, but last time I checked school counselors aint multimillionaires with no problems. They praying to God/Jahovah/Allah/the flying spaghetti monster the same way the rest of us are with their tribes and tribulations trying to find a way to make it through their situation.
If they aren’t a success you still think they should get a gold star and a pat on the back? SMH.
I bet you got a ‘graduation’ from fifth grade. And plenty of ‘participation’ awards.
Jeez.
We celebrate mediocrity too much as it is in the Black community.
I think what he’s saying is that we need to celebrate the people who are in the process of making it instead of glorifying the people who’ve already it made it, especially those in the process on a less than traditional route. “Making it” is an ongoing and tough process for those of us who don’t think traditional ways of life are for us because we have to find that path on our own instead of having someone tell us what the path is and trudging along it hoping for something especially tailored for us.
…at least that’s what I got out of it.
Pretty much.
I mean each time somebody carves a new path and chooses a different route, people are going to question them. But its a necessary part of life. We don’t all do what our parents tell us, and we’ve all probably got somebody looking over our shoulder saying “things woulda been easier if you’da did this”. But that don’t make them right and us wrong.
These are the cards I was dealt and I’m playing the hand the best way I know how. But in the words of T.I. “until you’ve walked a mile in my shows, you can’t judge me”
I don’t think we should celebrate mediocrity, and I don’t think that’s what After Math is implying (I could be wrong). But can’t we honor effort? We don’t have to act like effort = ultimate success but don’t knock a person for trying either.
THIS!!
pretty much.
What’s a success – a house and two cars? who gets to define that? And why should I judge myself by those standards?
I know a lot of “successful” women who turn their noses at women who choose to be housewives. Are these women not successful? Do we say they’re “doing what they gotta do”?
We’ve just got a selective bias in Black America against a certain type of Black people.
‘We’ve just got a selective bias in Black America against a certain type of Black people.’
THIS! This is at the heart of the reasoning in this post. Some of us use this conservative based personal responsibility bull ish to make our prejudices it fly instead of just admitting that we look down on a certain type of black person and asking ourselves why we do it.
Usually, I’m a consistent lurker, but this article espouses nothing but truth. As men, much of what goes on around us, we actually control. Yet, we’ve given up the power to enact change either in our lives, or around us, because change doesn’t happen quickly enough. We have to plant our feet, do what we need to initially, and then we can spend the other times making a difference.
Great guest post by Breazy Hale. It’s nice to see a post on something other than talking about love and relationships (I hate sounding like a broken record, but that serves no purpose with real and important issues going on in this day and age). I’ve been a fan of this cat because he speaks on real sh*t- like stuff that affects people on an everyday basis.
Sadly, as great as his post is, I feel that the message will fall on deaf ears. You see, while it’s something that many people need to hear, not many will actually heed the word of the brother (See what I did there?). You’d be surprised at the number of people who are satisfied with being complacent. Accepting that where they are and what they are is all they will ever be without attempting to bring about some kind of change. Some need to understand that motivation isn’t just a word, it’s also a way of life.
Coming soon: A startling revelation. Stay tuned…
*nods head*
Thanks for the love P.A., yeah I know some well have a “he’s not talking to me attitude” and that’s ok, if I can possibly help just person (besides) myself recgonize that we I included need to do better than that’s all I can ask.
Not everyone is deaf, PA. I’m listening. A lot of us are.
Real s**t
PA: well stated! I feel like a proud momma today…no corner for you. You can get in line for ice-cream with sprinkles with TUK, Tristian and Adonis
Uh…you do know I’m about to be 38 next year, right?
eeeeeeeuuuurwhaaaat?!
dah well. [*continues brushing my hair scantily clad in your bedroom*]
Goes into Matthew mconasumthin mode from A Time to Kill: “Now close your eyes and imagine he was talking about a woman.” Would the cosigns still be there? I didn’t think so. I don’t think this blog should be gender specific, but I agree with the message. Everyone should be accountable for themselves and stop looking to blame others for sh!t they have control over.
Yes. I would 100% cosign the message of delayed gratification for everyone… Of all genders and races. I live my life by it. Sacrifice and discipline yields rewards to anyone who applies it. Has nothing to do with gender.
I made it gender specific because it’s time for us men to take a long look in the mirror and take inventory of ourselves. I’m sure women need to hear this as well but sense I only know what it is to be a man I tailored it towards us.
co sign.
i like when men take a step back like this.
Thank you!
Thank you!
i appreciate this. i could read your it as intended and for myself at the same time. it was interesting to flip the switch back and forth, seeing through the lens of the eye of man as he applies it to himself, and take what i need for myself. i thank you ~*~
Which is why I said I agree with the message. Your message is one I hear coming from both men and women writers in the black blogosphere. Many women don’t seem to have the same limitation you do. They talk, at length, about what men need to do and the excuses they make. To be perfectly honest, this peice is safe. You won’t have to worry about much controversy or being taken to the woodshed by feminists. I actually agree wholeheartedly with the message. However, I still think you should have made the language gender neutral. It could then have been read by men and women without changing the intent. Why does that matter? When Champ or PJ post a female blogger who says essentially the same thing to women, you’d have your answer. In other words, you’ll never have your answer.
#TeamBreazyHale
“since”
I agree with you Black Yoda, which is why I took the message for myself and stressed that people focus on instant gratification. I believe Mr. Hale spoke about Black men because he is one, but I don’t think he believes only Black men are guilty of this trend.
“I gotta do what I gotta do” was made into a series called the “Wire”. Everytime I hear that phase, the first thing I want to know is who are your parents with an “S” on the end. Your parents value system will become your value system. If they did their part, you won’t gotta do nothing.
even if they didn’t do their part, you still need to take responsibility for your own life and actions. i grew up with an absentee father and a drug addicted mother. they were responsible for the beginning years of my life, but after a certain point, my own decision making became responsible for the direction my life took
the dream is essentially a relay…my parents were veterans they wished i would never ever ever ever ever (put a blade on my face) join. I want my children to have a much better childhood than I did (which wasnt too bad honestly) but first I got to set the bar high for them…and you know find the right woman and start one
I’m not sure what to say besides hell ya. Tighten up.
I gotta go do what I gots to do…
*Sits back with popcorn.*
This should be GUUUUUDDDD!!!
*Waits to see the complete meltdown of the certain dudes on here, (you know who you are,) who cannot handle being called out or taking responsibility for themselves in anything ever and have justifications for everything they do.*
I.N.S.T.I.G.A.T.O.R.
Don’t shoot the messenger… It didn’t take long for the ‘this message should be directed towards’ women posts to start popping up… Or “why is ____ the goal maybe just having fun and bullshitting is the right way to live” type posts… Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Which are monuments to NOTHINGNESS. A BRIDGE to NOWHERE.
SMH.
It’s interesting that you see it that way.
First, let me get a quick word in about “just having fun”. The thing is that fun isn’t per se a bad thing. If anything, some enjoyment is a sign of a well-balanced mind. A focus on goals to the extreme exclusion of anything else is a sign of repression and, ultimately, of weak (not strong) self-discipline. A disciplined mind knows how to rest as well as how to work.
I get the impression that you know a lot about men shirking their responsibilities. If this is so, tell us about what these men did and how they could have done better. We could all learn how to be more responsible.
Lol, you trying to lure her in so you can pull the “you’re bitter” and “what’s wrong with you for choosing those men”?
Smh, you’re soooooo predictable.
I see Grandma Cougar can’t let SourSass defend her own self so she has to do her typical Captain Save’ Em shtick
all of the interesting and valuable discussion going on today and this is all you have to contribute.
Grow the eff up
How about you Stay Grown and stop trying to Relive your Youth with us Young Folk, or is Wild “You’re a piece of Crap Under My Shoe” Cougar the Only One to take Pot Shots??? GTFOH
Wow. So much tension in the comments today.
I’m a need you to get a life as well.
That wasn’t what I was thinking, and it’s posts like this that made me glad to be busy this afternoon.
In all seriousness, why does it have to be this way? SMH
I’m sure they will blame their mommas for raising them this way. LOL!!!
I don’t know what their problem is, but they act like taking responsibility is an allergen the way they flop about ranting and shifting blame. I just get an education on the signs of a perpetual loser and make a note to stay away from these men.
I was thinking more of why does SS always need to be somewhat negative. No one is fighting or looking for a way out on this post.
Really? Oh.
LOL, they won’t meltdown. They’ll keep silent or figure out a way to put the blame/responsibility back on women. Wait…..they already started.
I know… I didn’t even have time to do a countdown to the first ‘shifting the blame’ post.
congrats. i guess you won.
Sorry I’m Johny come lately but the rigors of plantation aka 9 to 5 kept me hella busy this morning. Anywho thank you for all your comments and BK love.
we like them boys up top from the bk,
know how to flip that money 3 ways.
always ridin big on the freeway.
with that east coast slang that us country girls we like…
And trust me I am not pointing fingers, I have been in these type of situations before I know first hand they could have been prevented but due to my male ego or pure dumbness.
Good post, Breazy!
I think we do waste our potential in various arenas whether traditional or not. Fact is getting what you want is going to involve a lot of personal responsibility, sweat and hardwork. It’s a good message to put forth for young men. I do think the participation trophy era has hindered both boys and girls but that isn’t a blanket reason for all ills. Also, we have to acknowledge that not reaching superstardom or being the top-tier doesn’t equal complete failure either. There has to be a middle-ground where folks are secure, happy, responsible, and still putting in hardwork.
Yes, we can have realistic benchmarks of success without celebrating mediocrity. I agree.
This, I can agree with.
True story.
People forget that stars didn’t become stars by themselves, they had a long list of help along the way. And those people take way more out of that paycheck than the star.
great post. I have always had a problem with the “i gotta do what i gotta do” mentality because in my experience it’s been watered down and used in non-back against the wall type situations. If you robbing banks and slinging because your health insurance won’t cover a life saving procedure for your child, that a “do what i gotta do” circumstance. if you robbing and slinging to pay rent and put food on the table, i’m sorry that doesn’t compute with me. since when did paying rent and/or utilities or the need to consume food become emergency or unexpected circumstances?
Oh, Denzel Washington… hehehe.
A lot of times what people think is bad luck or circumstances outside their control is really the consequences of shortcuts they took because they didn’t want to put their big girl panties on/man up.
Take for example a delay on a check deposit leading to overdrafts leading to not having enough gas, making you late for work again leading to giving a fake excuse and being found out and getting fired. Seems like a lot of bad luck. But if you had bucked up and kept control of your bank account and lived within your means, even if that means living below the level you think you are entitled, the problems would not have occurred.
I’m speaking from experience. Looking at your bank account straight in the face is hard. But you will never prosper until you do.
Since I’ve been “exposed to” a number of young men recently, I’ve seen the topic of this post in action. Men keep taking short cuts bbecause they don’t really believe they can ever be free of poverty. They are always about the hustle. The quick buck. But they don’t realize that short money is always messing up the opportunity for long money.
You cant have short money and long money. It’s one or the other. Unless you get a lucky windfall, you will never be financially independant until you take responsibility. And even if you get a windfall, it will run right through your fingers if you don’t take responsibility.
Credit is not necessary. Not even for a car. If you can make payments, you can save that money and pay cash. If you can’t afford Christmas presents, don’t buy them. If you’re using credit for expenses, you need to cut them. If you don’t know how, go find an immigrant and ask them. If you are not willing to do what it takes to be financially stable, its on you.
I think you hit the nail on the head as to why some people falsely think that there are so many circumstances beyond their control that put them in “do what i gotta do” situations. we all make a number of small, incremental decisions within our control that may not be the most responsible things to do, (the bills and lifestyle we are trying to maintain) but that final occurence that pushes us into a jacked up situation is something we actually did NOT have any control over (the delayed deposit). this final domino knocks over all the others and instead of looking at what we set up that contributed to the collapse, we look at the last domino like it was the only reason why things fells apart.
Excellent points. Embedded in all of what you said is a willingness NOT to please people. For example, people will buy more car they can afford to impress people. People will buy gifts just so people won’t call them stingy. People will spend money on certain expenses just to maintain membership in certain circles. It’s about how willing a person is to be independent in order to improve themselves. It’s simple to explain, but for a LOT of people, it isn’t easy.
Well, are those people gonna pay your rent or your car note when you miss it in January cuz you spent your last dime and then some in December? Saying no is WAY easier than being evicted or having your car repossessed.
@WC
“Since I’ve been “exposed to†a number of young men recently, I’ve seen the topic of this post in action. [Young]Men keep taking short cuts…They are always about the hustle. The quick buck.”
Had to fix that for you. Apart from that, overall, I can’t say I disagree with your commentary. Young men will eventually learn…one would hope. Young minded adult men, however, are a problem unto themselves.
But I have to ask you: “they are always about the hustle…the quick buck…” Only shortsighted and often times reckless men are about the quick buck. The ‘get over’ types. So what type of men are you attracted to and are attracting?
What type of men am I attracting? Internet losers threatened by me and obsessed with putting me in “my place”.
Try harder. You look like an idiot with that tired line.
Grabs list of usual WC retorts:
Lets see:
Deflecting? Check. Ad hominem? Check. Men are threatened by you…? Check.
Yep. All here. Everything except the actually answer to the question that was asked.
Look, I know you have a monopoly on age here, but this is the one thing that never gets old with you. Except that it does.
you look like an idiot. Go obsess on somebody else.
Delusion? Check.
You said this is getting old. Then why are you stuck on this thread like dog sh# t on the bottom of my shoe.
I`m SO bored with your inane nonsense. Get a woman, a job, a hobby, a life or something. But please, be a man of your word, get bored with me, because I am fresh out of f# cks to give.
Maybe going fwd you will be more careful where you step.
But yes, I’ve been bored with your existence. Sorta like a kid picking at an old dead roach in a corner somewhere because, well,…its there. But I’ll stop poking at you and leave you be because you did ask nicely. Toodles.
[*puts coinage in both of your snaps jars*]
Most people find out about financial stability by getting hit hard first. That’s not even something that can be taught to most people, because the concept of money always comes with the illusion of freedom. Even here at my job, these kids have Benzes & Range Rovers in the parking lots, but wonder why they get sued when it’s found out they have another address.
Fast money, no matter how many times people see the consequences, is never made out to be something that should be avoided at all costs. It’s always given a cheerful view of “instant gratification”, which is what human beings are slaves to, and never can quit the habit no matter how hard we try. It’s just disappointing to see how much is destroyed because people hate what they experience so much that they’d be willing to cause further damage just to get away.
know what? a lot of people don’t learn the hard way. I’ve met some and I learned from them. My ex got me off credit. He never had a credit card and thought they were evil. When I found out his family bought everything cash, even new cars, I was convinced. And they were by no means wealthy. Not by a long shot. They just knew how to live cheap and save money.
“They just knew how to live cheap and save money.”
This is a good thing? I know us Capricorns catch hell for doing this, lol.
Yea but that’s different. They were given good information and then figured out how to apply that information in a way that would leave them with the least amount of consequences. that’s to be commended, but that’s not fast money. I’d rather call that intelligence and efficiency.
Yeeeeeah, that’s not true. My folks taught me financial stability by example. We were never rich but my mom would sit me down and tell me what was coming in (paycheck) and what bills we had to pay. Even as a child I knew what to ask for/we could afford and stayed in that lane. We always had what we needed and even some of what we wanted. Side note: One thing I always asked for was an easy bake oven; cause you know, it really bakes. I thought they were so cool. My mom would always say, we already have an oven that really bakes. Use that! I credit my love for baking to that response.
But somebody taught your mom. And somebody else taught that person, or that person learned the hard way, and decided to spread the information for future generations. Hence I said MOST..because it clearly doesn’t happen for everyone, and even if you teach some people responsibility, they tend not to believe until they are knee deep in their own problems with no way around but to do what must be done.
My parents were never rich but managed 3 homes, 2 passed from my grandfather, and the house they bought together. Between them and my grandfather, I did learn about financial stability, but as a kid, money didn’t have true importance until I was on my own in college, up to my ass in debt. And quite a few people have a similiar story to mines. So all I’m say is, in order for somebody to know how to stay on the good path without falling off, they had to be taught by someone who fell off and got back on, or someone who never got back on at all.
~ A lot of times what people think is bad luck or circumstances outside their control is really the consequences of shortcuts they took because they didn’t want to put their big girl panties on/man up.
i am with you on this. worse is when people fail to draw a correlation between their actions and the results. downward spiral only takes one missed step when you’re not looking where you’re going.
chain of events is a messy messy thing. it can literally take years to figure out what the fuuuk happent. i know this all too well ..
WC made great points.
Working in the projects, I hear those words uttered all the time. At this rate, I attribute those words to failure. Failure to be honest with one’s self. Failure to understand the oppurtunities that were squandered. Failure to see that their actions not only affected their present and future, but those around them to.
We all make mistakes. We don’t always see the big picture. But how far down the hole do you need to be before you realize you will never be able to climb out? I used to feel sorry for people like that. But I guess now that I have a job where I have to deal with people who usually created their own version of hell single-handledly, I can’t feel sorry for them. I understand but I don’t care. There are many things that disrupt a human being’s right to make proper decision, but in the end, the most significant obstacle is ourselves. We aren’t all meant to win, sometimes we are meant to be losers to show other people how to succeed. That is the grim side of life.
+1000
Agreed. The hardest part is being able to look yourself in the mirror, be honest with yourself, face up to the mistakes you made, and see how you can improve yourself and make the best of a situation. It’s been a couple of long, hard years for me in that realm, but it’s definitely rewarding work.
Same for me. I’m glad I’ve learned this lesson in my youth. All throughout my childhood, I’ve been able to see the mistakes that adults have made and tell myself “nope, not me”. Yet still beyond circumstances of my control, I ended up here, and then the circumstances I was able to control, I screwed up while feeling sorry for myself. And honestly, that’s why people refuse to change; the shame and the guilt become shackles that hold them down to the same position and the longer they live, the more sorry they feel for themselves, making it more impossible to do what needs to be done.
~ But how far down the hole do you need to be before you realize you will never be able to climb out?
i think this is the grim reality of life. so many suicides are still alive.
“so many suicides are still alive”
Now that’s poetry right there.
The issue is that it’s so comfortable being the victim that we tend to victimize ourselves so as to ameliorate or silence anxiety. People tend to look at the downside to anxiety and not the upside (yes, there is one). Then there is also the fact that plenty of people lack self-awareness and have no idea that they are in fact creating said reality, especially people in underprivileged neighborhoods whose goal was simply survival and not self-actualization and knowledge. Then there is also hubris. We want all the credit for our successes but none of the blame for our failures. Breazy’s line is a perfect example of how people wash their hands clean. “I do what I gotta do” is a way of saying “I’m doing it, but don’t blame me when it goes awry. I’m just a victim of circumstance!” I know there are things beyond our control that influence or affect our lives, but we can take those things and…wait for it…LEARN from them. GROW from them.
Girrrrrrrl…I’m proud of you.
Gimme a hug.
SPREADING LOVE THE BROOKLYN WAY!
*ehugs*
Damn straight
Very well said
I mean maybe there should of been a caveat in the post about how there are social and systematic barriers. It would of made the post fuller and maybe come off as less “pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” Those are more nitpicks in my mind though. The crux of the message is still loud and clear.
HOLD THE PHONE. I’m disagreeing with Malik for the first time EVER. Deep Sigh.
Back in the day when I went to church, pastors would always talk about “attacks from the devil” or “life’s curve balls” and how God and prayer and faith can get you through. I always felt guilty during this time because when I would look at all of the “curve balls” or general negative aspects of my life, I’d realize they’re simply results of my own dumbassery… 9.5 times out of 10.
I’ve learned that hard work needs to be my new religion and “Do the Right Thing” is not just a bomb diggity movie but a way of life that will get you soooooooooo far. There is so much mess that looks like external situations that we actually bring upon ourselves but can be avoided if we just did the right thing in the first place. And unlike in the movie… the right thing is usually pretty clear in real life, in my life anyway. Usually not the easiest thing but clearly the right way to go.
With all of that said…
I LOVE YOU MALIK!
It’s one thing when you know the system is designed specifically to crush you and have you suffer slowly. However, that is still a choice, whether we want to believe it or not. I alone cannot control a government, but I with 30 million like-minded individuals could DEFINITELY change that issue. If we could all get on the same page, instead of falling for the usual tricks.
So the other half is essentially what we do and how we do it. We are always so quick to blame everything in the world, but in the end, it still falls back on us. Nobody tells you to have credit card debt by 19 because you got cute with the card at 18. Nobody tells you to lease a luxury car when you make public transportation paychecks. These are our personal choices that get us caught up.
Way different than your momma using your name to buy furniture as a kid so now you got bad debt as an adult, or college education that requires you to get loans only to not be able to work IF you didn’t get the kind of degree in a field people care about.
I agree with the credit example you used. I think that should be it’s own separate discussion though on how we can give each other tools to get out of situations/places where we had absolutely zero control over.
stop focusing on what you have no control over. Sounds simple, but it is a mental change that is the beginning of success.
I agree.
Most certainly is.
True, it is truly a complex issue that deserves to be looked at from many angles
When I wrote this post, I was aware that some people were going to have an issue with it, and that’s ok, I don’t mind everybody is entitled to their opnion. But for me having been in these situations with not one to blame but myself I think if I was asked my thought or opinion on how to not fall down the same rabit whoe over and over again or what advice would I give a younger brother; this would be a part of my message/advice.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow and some people grow up never hearing it and thus now while grown will fight you and resist absorbing that message.
I know you’re being nice and all but fawk that.
People here let the bitch come out of them, and I don’t understand why. I’m kind of disappointed in a few people right now, because this was a deep topic that really should humble all of us, and instead it got turned into skewed perceptions, name calling, and the usual VSB vs. VSS bullshyte.
Look Breazy, you meant what you said in this post and I understood it line for line. I can’t speak for others and why they couldn’t, because no one asked them about the evils of the world or how poverty is so fawked up…it was simply about personal responsibility and clearly some people need 8th grade reading comprehension to get it.
Anyway, thanks and hope to see another one.
I’m so glad you said this. I think some people are being purposefully obtuse…
They are and it spoils the mood. I don’t like that.
Again I want to thank everybody for reading and commening on my post, now let me pause for a shameless plug timeout.
Make sure you check out my blog http://www.cornerpolitics.wordpress.com, like the FB page, http://www.facebook.com/cornerpolitics1 and follow me on Twitter @CornerPolitics1. I posts new posts every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
FREE MEEEEEE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJHcPXwoJdU
IMHO, this post is the manifesto of All Agnostics and Atheists,
Being Stern Religious and putting Strong Faith is Well and Good, but if/when Prayer doesn’t come through (in the way a person wanted or needed) trying to pick up the pieces for that disappointment takes its tool mentally, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. I say this because that’s what happened to me at a young age.
“I gotta do what I gotta/(need to) do” was always a self-rallying sentence for me, never an excuse or a cop-out, but I understand completely what this post is about. I hear and see people everyday, even hear about relatives and peers my age and older and relate that saying in terms of What choice(s) got them where they are, Where they were prior to that, and Why it was they made their choice(s)s; then I self-reflect at my choices to Where I was, Where I am Now and Why I Made my Choice.
I get why some of the guys on here are on this not being Gender Neutural, but Breazy Hale is exactly right about THIS being Specifically FOR us Men; so many people have been able to do amazing things regardless if it was “By the Book” or Going Offscript. Do the Usual Female Suspects really need to take cheap shots and add on to this? Of Course Not, but this post Isn’t about THEM. As Men we tend to pay too much attention to what the Next Guy is or sin’t doing and not focusing on Ourselves and whether or not We have to go the Traditional Route or “create” a New Path. Either Way the destinations and experiences are different for Everybody, and its the way God or Nature intended it to be.
*isn’t
Thanks. Like I said rather than tell any other group (women races and creeds) what they need to do, let’s focus on ourselves first.
If there is a man-to-man conversation, an open letter to fellow men…
And your only comment is “This should be directed at/sent up about WOMEN”…
I’m sorry but that is the epitome of b*tchassness.
Goodnight and good luck.
You know what, I’m gonna keep it 100 here.
As it relates to this blog I like you. A lot. You’re no nonsense and for a hard ass like me I dig it – even if I dont always agree. I tend to find elements of truth in a lot you say here. I hear you. But it’s not a man to man because you and other women are in it. Primarily because their are no gender-safe spaces (Despite the title this blog is not about the men who comment here. The ladies run this), and I wouldnt have it any other way. But if you or any other woman here were really interested in dudes here improving themselves as it relates to this post and manhood you would have done what makes sense; Fall back and pay attention; ask questions; challenge not provoke; despite the call your insides make out to you to go hard on these dudes with their “bitchasses.”
“bitchassness”
Word? You’re too bright. And Champ and Panama might not say anything (maybe they agree) about this but you need to stop with the use of the word “bitch” as it relates to men, especially in a safe place like this. I think someone mentioned black women’s ease with using variations of this word. There was a lot of denial, just a couple of days ago. Let this stand as proof. VSBs do this too.
You rock hard for the ladies. Do you, boo. U-N-I-T-YYYYY. It does not buckle my broad shoulders. But as it relates to humanity be the change you seek in the world. You know, be above it all, like you suggest the young men here need to be. Despite how folks go at you here I have not yet heard any one of these men call you a bitch, whore, slut, d!ck food, any thing that women burn bras and pen books with the names of colors and the word suicide in the title for. I could be wrong, but I have not seen it yet.
Yeah I said it. I deserve moderation.
I usually lurk, but I felt compelled to comment tonight. You are not “asking” Sweet Sass to “do the right thing,” you are telling her to be quiet. That is not cool. If some of the men on this board need a “safe place” to process their feelings, I think they should create one — on a different site. In the meanwhile, it would be nice to see fewer male voices that feel entitled to control not only the topic of conversation, but also who gets to participate in it.
The general consensus is that this post is NOT about Women, so why the hell are YOU still spouting out bullshyte?????